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Yuzu gazed adoringly upon the radiant face of the equally stunning Mei, a soft, warm wind caressing them as a small group of family and friends watched expectantly. Two bouquets, one, carried by each expectant bride, awaited the lucky catchers. She could detect a gleam in Matsuri and Nina’s eyes. Lost in a dream, the breeze, colors, and sounds wove a tapestry of sensation.
But somehow, she was disoriented, and light-headed…
* * *
Ume helped Yuzu into the resplendent white silk dress, shooing the anxious girl from the adjoining room where Mei awaited the same careful ministrations. “Bad luck to glimpse her right now!’ she clucked knowingly to the nervous young woman: ‘You’ll be seeing each other all too soon when Shou and I give you away into each other’s care.’ The older woman smiled. ’My two beautiful daughters—married—to each other! It’s amazing! Things are changing!…”
“I’m certainly amazed! I never imagined this finally happening—there was that... trouble…” Yuzu lowered her eyes. Why focus on that now, of all the times?
“Let’s not talk about such things today! It’s a memory, right? Memory is what was, today is what is!” Ume frowned, bestowing a comforting hug to the suddenly overly-thoughtful bride-to-be.
Yuzu searched through her mind at that moment, to find a particular little bit of the past that illustrated what she was experiencing. “Now, let’s see… Yeah! Mama, do you remember when I was really small, and you would toss me up in the air and catch me when I was sad, and you’d tell me, ” Look, Honey! You can fly! “ And I’d laugh…”
“Whatever made you think of that, Yuzu?”
“Well, When you would do that, I’d feel dizzy once I was back on my feet…”
“Are you dizzy now?”
“I am, a little. I feel out of sorts, like something is somehow off about today. I can’t figure out what!” She was genuinely puzzled.
Ume fretted. “It’s probably nothing more than cold feet, girl! wedding jitters. Let me tell you about the wedding day of your late father and me! His father had written him off because of me, And my Mama (who passed before you were born, Yuzu!) wrote me off because of him! So we started off in an atmosphere of wicked feelings! The wedding was just us and our friends, and my school guidance counselor, a very forward-thinking man, volunteered to give me away in the end! We were just two hafu teenagers who loved each other and frankly, didn’t have a clue about what awaited us! I was a mess of nerves all morning, so much so, that I surreptitiously hit the sake’ that was there for our San San Kudo ceremony! I mean all of it, Honey! Needless to say… I was very relaxed by the time we exchanged vows! It could have been a fiasco!’ she finished, laughing. ’So you see, one’s nerves can fill one with all kinds of strange ideas and feelings. Everything went fine, and it was a very happy marriage until…’ her face darkened. ’I’m sorry, Honey, I…”
“It’s okay, Mama!’ Yuzu reassured her, giving her a gentle hug in return. ’I wish Papa could be here too!” She had afterward tried to settle down when Ume went to help Himeko with Mei’s dress, but somehow, was still troubled by a lingering disquiet. Something wasn’t quite right. She was puzzled—and stressed.
“For God’s sake, girl, everything’s fine!’ Harumin complained, ’You’re finally getting the thing you want most! Enjoy it, and stop worrying!”
“I guess it’s just jitters!” Yuzu allowed, not understanding why…
Matsuri looked lovely in the beautiful blue dress chosen for the bridesmaids, but “If I looked half as good as you, I would be on cloud nine!…’ she grumbled ’So, it’s to complain? Maybe then I could get Harumin to…” she batted her eyelashes blatantly.
“Fat chance, you little twerp!” the brunette groaned with a look of disgust, rolling her eyes.
Yuzu laughed at the two, antagonistic as always. What could be wrong?
* * *
The other guests had begun filing into the church; Shou, there to give Mei away, the Aihara's grandfather, Suzuran, the Tachibana twins, Kana and Manami, (Yuzu’s best friends from her old school!) Harumin’s big sister Mitsuko and her girlfriend Kayo, Tomogaki Udugawa, an emotional Himeko… Others close to the young couple and intimate with their struggles.
The music started, and, in the girl’s own take on the traditional western style ceremony, both young ladies walked up the aisle, Shou giving Mei away, and Ume giving Yuzu away. They blushed intensely under their veils, careful to fain a small trip on the way up, to avert bad luck. Yuzu’s hands were trembling.
“It’s okay, Honey! It’s okay!” Ume whispered.
She squeezed the proffered hand, grateful for the reassuring words, daring a quick side-wise glance at Mei, walking to her left. Were they as nervous, as out of sorts, mind racing with a thousand thoughts, emotions, and sensations? Their face was unreadable, at any rate, covered by a veil, as was her own. Shou’s face bore an inscrutable expression. Yuzu gazed to either side at the guests, sitting rigidly in their seats, their postures so unnatural, somehow. Grandfather Aihara appeared embalmed; she had never seen him so stiff and formal. Suzuran was a jade-haired statue, the Tachibana's—lusterless, bland dolls. Harumin resembled a stiff, dressmaker’s manikin; Yuzu tried to maintain focus on the event itself. Only Matsuri showed a semblance of her natural self, looking at them as they passed and winking at the blonde knowingly. The bridal march came to an end on the big pipe organ after what seemed like an undefinable amount of time. The big church had a stuffy impression of airlessness, as though breathing came with difficulty. A final glance at the features of the wedding guests, arranged like so many masks in the poorly-lit aisles…
“It must be Nerves.’ she thought, ’Damn it!”
The minister began to intone the words of the wedding vows, Yuzu lost in the monotonous litany as she bowed her head, inclined to her bride as the other did the same… They lifted their veils. Mei’s eyes remained tightly shut, her face pale, beautiful, and… unreadable. “In sickness and in health…” she repeated after him, Mei following suit a moment later…
“I pronounce you wives together. What God has joined, let no one break asunder! You both may now kiss!” the minister said, jolting her out of the reverie. Leaning into the other’s embrace, their lips met with a passion that caused both lovely ladies to blush, making the blonde forget all fears and trepidation in that instant of bliss.
They turned to the bridal party, who burst into joyous calls of good cheer, mingled with tears of joy. Yuzu turned to her beloved and laughed, the smile breaking on the other’s face from sheer, infectious delight. Guests began to file outside, the gorgeous brides waiting for a few heartbeats until they came out to the steps, waiting to throw their twin bouquets to the already anxious bridesmaids. A peaceful breeze drifted gently through the assembly as she gazed lovingly at her soulmate, life, and love…
…Until, abruptly—Mei’s face began to vanish before her eyes, melting into a distorted nightmare, as Yuzu screamed in horror…
All went dark, before she suddenly came to her senses.
Disoriented, in unbearable emotional pain, a stiff breeze blowing her ratty, unkempt hair, Yuzu felt out of place, profoundly alone, and dizzy. She was aware of standing at a precipice, a hundred or more feet off the ground, in the bell tower of a church—where a wedding was letting out that very moment! The joyous ringing of the great church bells mere feet away nearly deafened the young woman, causing her mind to become even more agitated.
Damn it! What was happening? She was married to Mei, and…
The tiny people on the ground suddenly pointed up. A dark-haired girl in a white dress, clinging to the arm of a young man suddenly threw both hands to her face and screamed.
Yuzu swallowed hard, her thoughts becoming clear for one agonizing, soul-killing moment. Yes, a wedding had just let out.
Her step-sister Mei’s and Udagawa’s.
And the suffering girl recalled with the force of a lightning stroke the reason for all these things happening. She sobbed, the pain wracking her chest like the breaking of bone, in that terrible instant of realization as the madness briefly cleared. … Remembering…
Everything.
Everything…
Everything!
Her broken, crazed green eyes began to glaze over, the horrified shouts of people below dying in her ears, hearing nothing now, nor desiring to.
It was all over. She just wanted the pain to stop.
Forever...
Spreading her arms outward like the wings of a mad angel, Yuzu dove gracefully into the wind that whistled around her plummeting body as the ground swiftly grew closer…
She whispered through the blinding tears…
“Look Mama, I can fly!
* * *
Dr. Reiki Hira gently took Yuzu’s hand, as Mei put a protective arm out, embracing the blonde compassionately. The reiteration of the awful nightmare had been explicit, disturbing, and frightening.
“I’m sorry,’ she snuffled, ’I know it’s just my imagination, but… I’m just so afraid of it!”
The doctor sighed. “It’s quite a vivid dream, and I don’t blame you. The strange, poignant symbolism, the unnaturalness of it all. And it started all this time after you two received your companionship licenses?”
“Yes.” she sniffed…
“You have both, as you say, been getting along beautifully… no desire to back out of your eventual marriage?”
Mei spoke definitively. “I adore Yuzu, doctor, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her! She’s my soulmate… my everything!” Bolder than ever these days, she leaned over and kissed the other warmly.
“That goes double for me, I guess!” Yuzu managed a weak smile, kissing her blushing fiancé in return, having long since determined with all the strength she possessed; nothing would stand between them, and a future rich with promise, and fulfillment!
The doctor thought a moment. The body language of both showed open and complete trust. She loved how transparent the two were with each other, with her and all the world. They were a pleasure to know, and not being a sounding-board type of therapist, she was always delighted being part of their happiness. “Yuzu,’ she finally spoke, breaking a thoughtful silence, ’The root of your present insecurity is in your past—that unpleasantness with Mei’s second engagement. There is apparently some leftover pain, some awful unsureness you haven’t dealt with yet. You’ve been working hard, pushing yourself with both school, your modeling career, and your burgeoning new company. But it may just be that, after all, you’ve been through together, a part of you just can’t believe what is obvious to everyone else—which is this:”
“Nothing is going to stop you and Mei from an amazing and fulfilling, rich, joyful life together!” She smiled at the two, who smiled back in relief. Reiki-Sensei’s enthusiasm was infectious! “Something in there is afraid, one way or the other, and I’ll need you to think about this some more and keep your journaling up religiously!” she continued.
“I will doctor, if you say it will help!’ Yuzu looked at her, hopefully. ’Will I get better?” Dr. Reiki had helped both girls make incredible changes in their lives, and she focused on every word.
The apple-cheeked little woman asked: “When is the wedding, again?”
“In three weeks, right after we graduate!” Mei replied.
The doctor smiled at the two. “Yuzu, in three weeks…”
“Yes, Reiki-Sensei?” The girl leaned forward, with rapt attention.
“Your dearest dreams will be coming true. The nightmares of the past will be laid to rest. You will see the truth of the commitment you both have vowed revealed in undeniable and blazing glory, so strongly that your subconscious cannot fight it!! And then…” she smiled with assurance…
“You both will be changing worlds.”