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No One Stays Good in This World
“Fine,” Damon snapped at him annoyed and hit the brakes hard. His car came to a screeching halt in the middle of the deserted road and the older Salvatore brother exited it swiftly, anger radiating so strongly off him that Stefan could feel his hackles rising. He expected some more arguing – at least one of Damon’s trademark one liners – but to his surprise nothing came. Instead Damon grabbed the weeping girl by the arm and dragged her out of the car. There was no gentleness in the way Damon handled her or the way he buried his extending fangs in her neck and anyone else might have been fooled into thinking that Damon had indeed shut his humanity off, just like Stefan had. Sybil certainly had thought so. But Stefan knew his brother far better than anybody else. Damon burying his feelings – his guilt – was not the same as shutting his humanity off. Perhaps Stefan should be angry that Damon was hanging onto his emotions even now but frankly he could bring himself to care. Not now when he was captivated by the sight in front of him, Damon feeding savagely of the crying girl in his arms.
There was always something sensual about Damon – the way he spoke, the way he moved. Stefan had known this all along but never really let himself become too aware of it. Not like he did now. Right now there were no inhibitions for him to stay quiet. Being a vampire was supposed to be fun, right?
No rules, Stefan.
Katherine’s words that she had uttered many times, were finally making sense to him but certainly not in the way she had intended them. He wondered briefly what she would think of him if she knew his thoughts right now. Would she be shocked? Or had she known all along about his deepest desires?
The thought vanished as sudden as it had appeared when he watched Damon raise his head from the dead woman in his arms, his chin covered in glistening, fresh blood, tongue licking carefully along his canines.
Stefan couldn’t contain the shiver of arousal running down his spine and he was out of the car before he became aware of moving. Damon was still lost in the ecstasy of having fed, his eyes dazed as he grinned at Stefan with bloody teeth.
Stefan’s eyes dropped to Damon’s bloody lips briefly before he met his brother’s eyes again. “Care to share with me?”
Damon simply shrugged and pulled the girl’s head back, exposing her torn neck to him. For a brief moment Stefan felt the familiar hunger of his ripper side stir in him, the urge to feed and rip and tear further. But it was muted by the desire he had denied himself for far too long.
“Not like this,” he murmured before he tossed the woman’s body to the side like a ragdoll. Damon raised an eyebrow at that btu Stefan gave him no other warning before he raised his hand to his brother’s throat.
Damon frowned. “What are you doing, Stef?”
Stefan tightened his grip, not enough to hurt the other vampire but hold him in place. Then he leaned forward and let his tongue lick carefully along his brother’s bottom lip. He could feel Damon freeze in his grip while he savored the taste of blood in his mouth.
“What are you doing, Stefan?” Damon repeated in a colder tone, far more threatening than playful this time.
Stefan loosened his hold just slightly, becoming far too aware of the rapid pulse under his fingertips. “What I should have done a long time ago. I’m finally taking what I want.”
Then he dove in again, this time not with the weak pretense of craving blood. Instead he sealed Damon’s lips with his own, cutting whatever protest he would have made otherwise. His tongue invaded Damon’s mouth with single-minded intent, taking charge of the kiss as he placed his free hand on Damon’s hip. He wasn’t fool enough to believe Damon couldn’t break free if he wanted to, they were even in strength after all. But Damon didn’t fight him. He didn’t return the kiss either but this war far more than Stefan had expected to get from Damon with his humanity switch still on. His brother tasted of sweet blood and something darker, something so addicting that Stefan found himself whining in frustration when he realized he couldn’t chase it further, their jaws already locked so tightly together than he would have violently broken Damon’s jawbone if his brother were human.
He pulled off just to lick hungrily at Damon’s throat. That finally seemed to elicit a reaction from Damon who pulled him back harshly. “What game are you playing with me?”
“It’s not a game,” Stefan told him confidently. “I have wanted you for a very long time, Damon. I was too scared to tell you but now I’m not.”
Damon didn’t look convinced. “And what about when you flip your switch on again?”
“If I turn my humanity back on,” Stefan responded with emphasis on the first word, “I will finally know whether my fears were justified. So tell me, Damon. Was I right in thinking you don’t desire me?”
Despite his bold approach he expected more resistance. But apparently Damon had dug himself so far down the rabbit hole that this seemed like merely one of many “mistakes” he would have to live with when he’d get back on his path of righteousness.
Damon surged forward, attacking Stefan’s lips with far more enthusiasm than he had done that girl’s throat. Stefan stumbled back his back colliding with the door of Damon’s car before he finally managed to kiss back, both of them opening their mouths to take charge. It was a heated battle of dominance between both vampires, neither of them willing to budge. And then suddenly after several minutes of aggressively making out, Damon melted against his body, his hard body yielding to Stefan’s touches. When Stefan pulled back to chance a look at his brother’s eyes, he found them blown with lust. There was something so profound and trusting in his gaze that Stefan couldn’t help feeling fascinated by. A part of him sensed that this was Damon’s loyalty and ability to love unconditionally that he should treasure but he wasn’t able to grasp the feeling, not with his humanity off. The sensation of it slipping through his fingers left an odd, unwelcome taste in the back of his head. Like he wasn’t able to experience it all. But wasn’t that the whole point of shutting off one’s emotions? To not feel the downside of humanity, all the fears and doubts and guilt. As though reading his thoughts, Damon pulled back and caught his gaze. His eyes were filled with rapt devotion but his words were mournful. “I want you, Stefan, I do but not like this. Not with your emotions off.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Stefan brushed him off with a smirk. “I have wanted you all this time, even those times when I had my emotions.”
He tried to lean forward again but Damon pushed him back gently. “Maybe you’re telling the truth. But I can’t have you regretting this whole thing when you’re back to being the hero, brother.”
He tried to take a step to the side and round Stefan but the younger Salvatore was out of patience. He grabbed Damon by the arm to stop him, ignoring the withering look he received at that. “Then turn it off.”
Damon stilled, his eyes guarded. The arrogant smile he leveled at Stefan couldn’t have been more fake. “I already did, thanks to you. You know that, you watched me throw my last reminder of humanity out of the damn car window. You watched me kill that girl just now.”
Stefan chuckled. “Who’s playing games now? You may be able to fool anybody else but not me. Even now you still care. About the girl you killed, about Elena’s damn necklace and whether I’m gonna regret this when I’m back to the boring, self-righteous brother you adore so much.” He took a step closer again, raising his free hand towards Damon’s cheek. Careful to keep his touch light, he brushed his thumb over his older brother’s lips. “Just turn it off, Damon. I can’t hold you responsible for anything you do with your switch off any more than I can hold myself responsible.”
Damon was still hesitating. “Don’t you think I want to, Stef? To shut off all the guilt and pain? But if I turn it off now, I’m afraid I will never be able to turn it back on. With Elena gone there is no reason why I would want to feel again.”
Stefan let his hand rest at the nape of Damon’s heck, stroking the soft curls of his brother’s hair. “And what would be so bad about that? You just said it, brother, there’s no one left for you to come back to. It’s just you and me now and I have no intention of ever flipping my switch again.”
“You might be wrong about that,” Damon argued but his protest was weak. Desperate. “There is still hope for the both of us as long as I fight back.”
Stefan smirked. He had Damon exactly where he wanted him. “Then it means we are a lost cause. When have you ever been able to do the right thing without Elena or me holding your hand?” Damon bit his lip and looked away. This time he didn’t resist when Stefan leaned forward to nuzzle his cheek again. “Let it go, Damon. It’s so easy, just give in and let us have this at least.”
Damon looked at him but his eyes were dull, tired of fighting. “I love you, little brother, always. Remember that when you get back to the bright side.”
Stefan didn’t even have the time to get annoyed with Damon’s insistence that Stefan might change his mood and choose to feel again. Because he could see the exact moment when Damon did it. The moment he finally flipped the switch. One moment Damon’s eyes were full of hurt and hopelessness, the next they hardened to blue steel. When he smiled, there was nothing vulnerable or gentle about it, just the arrogance of a vampire who knew what he was. A cold-blooded murderer, just like Stefan was.
He could feel himself grinning wickedly and Damon’s eyes lit up with mischief at the reaction, his voice dripping with amusement. “Hello brother.”
“Finally,” Stefan exclaimed before he surged forward to kiss Damon again and this time there was no stopping their fight for dominance, both of them biting and clawing at each other like wild animals, leaving bite wounds and scratches on the other’s body as they finally succumbed to the passion between them. There was no way back for them now. Stefan certainly didn’t want to.