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It was strange, the way Lapis felt whenever that certain half-saiyan was near. Eventually, he came to realize that even with a mechanical heart, he could still feel love along with every other emotion a human could have.
It’s such an invigorating feeling, even with the hurt of knowing it could never be returned. Even with the emptiness that followed with his absence. It was worth it to make Trunks smile, even just a little, because it was so rewarding to see when Trunks was usually so stony with him. He had such a charming smile. It made Lapis’ heart race, and that feeling was worth chasing.
He loved the time-traveler. Helplessly and hopelessly.
And a part of him wanted to believe that perhaps Trunks could feel the same, not that he should.
He would often visit Lapis, after too much training or spats with his father, and cool off on his couch, or the floor, drowning everything out with the television, and eating all of Lapis’ food.
As if somehow Lapis’ home was a comfort. But it was more likely because he had nowhere else to run to. God forbid his friends see him in a sorry state. A former enemy makes much more sense.
It was winter now, and Lapis decided to make something warm. He sat beside Trunks and handed him a warm mug.
“What is this?” Trunks asked, his nose wrinkling.
“Chocolate,” Lapis replied patiently.
“What’s that stuff in it?”
“Marshmallows,” this time said with amusement.
“Sugar and sugar. Gross.”
“Just drink it.”
Trunks did so.
“...Hmph.”
Lapis smiled, then softly laughed as Trunks drank more.
“What’s so funny?”
Lapis shook his head.
“You’ve got…” His fingers reached out and wiped some chocolate from Trunks’ chin.
He was surprised the cautious saiyan hadn’t flinched. He only stared as Lapis drank from his own mug.
“Lapis.”
“Hm?”
Trunks pressed his lips firmly together.
“...Nevermind.”
Trunks knew better than to comment whenever Lapis touched him. If he hated it, he’d show it. But if he didn’t… neither of them needed to know. Better to believe it meant nothing.
“Hey. Let’s watch something old. Something cheesy. And then we can make another sweet treat, like cookies- gingerbread men. And we’ll make them look like us, and then they’ll have a little battle, and then we’ll eat them. Problem solved.”
Lapis saw the gleam in Trunks’ eye and knew he was fighting off a grin.
“Fine.”
Trunks didn’t comment as Lapis sat shoulder to shoulder beside him.
“This movie is stupid,” Trunks remarked on the comedy they watched.
“You say that about everything. You still watch them anyway.”
“The ‘horror’ films aren’t frightening. The action ones are unrealistic-”
“Right, because fights between aliens, androids, and other such beasties are sooo much more realistic on tv, right?”
Trunks side-eyed him, but then sighed when Lapis smiled.
“Fine. You got me.”
Lapis nudged him aside and then stood up. He rubbed his arms and walked over to the fireplace to light it.
“Downside to living off the grid- cold as hell.”
After setting the fire, he wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and sat back down beside Trunks.
“Aren’t you cold?” Lapis asked him.
“I… don’t really ‘get’ cold anymore. Not after training in a hellscape for so long. I barely feel it now…”
“Hah. Now who’s the steely robot here?”
Trunks stared at the screen. Then he swallowed, and lifted Lapis’ blanket behind him to sit closer to him.
“Body heat… helps,” he muttered.
Lapis cozied up to him, resting against his shoulder. “It does.”
Trunks’ heartbeat felt nervous as he placed his arm around Lapis’ shoulder.
Lapis glanced up at him.
“Do I feel warm, too?”
“You are- at least, that’s how I’m feeling- I feel, I mean…” Trunks pressed his fist against his mouth and stayed quiet, growing red at the ears.
Lapis’ hand touched his, playing with his fingers gently.
“...Lapis, I… I feel-”
“Sshh… watch. This was her favorite part.”
Lapis always said ‘her’ when referring to his mother. She loved romantic comedies. Her laughter would fill up the room, followed by crying when the couples would get together. Lapis wished he could express as much as she could.
“Listen to how the music swells up- doesn’t it all pair together great? She would cry just from the song alone.”
“Cry? But didn’t she like it?”
“Not that kind of crying… she was just emotional, I guess. Happy or sad, she could cry.”
She used to hold him through it all, just like this.
Lapis’ grip tightened on Trunks’ hand.
Trunks interlaced their fingers together.
“It’s not a bad movie…” he admitted.
It got late, and they were cleaning up the mess of crumbs in the kitchen. Lapis always made a mess no matter what he was making.
Trunks looked at the door hesitantly.
“Time to go?” asked Lapis.
Trunks got closer to him, making Lapis feel trapped against the counter.
“Do… Do you want me to go?”
Lapis stared at him, lost for words.
“Of course not… you can stay as long as you want.”
“...What do you want?”
Lapis frowned.
“I...Wait. What does that matter?”
Trunks towered over him, his eyes earnestly searching Lapis for answers.
“It matters.”
Lapis shook his head dismissively.
“I want you to stay because I like your company.”
Trunks nearly lifted a hand up to his face, but Lapis pushed past him.
“I’m going to bed,” he said quickly.
“You don’t need sleep,” Trunks replied.
Lapis sighed and stopped in front of his bedroom door.
“We need to keep things like this…Not so messy.”
Lapis could hear Trunks behind him and didn’t resist as he embraced him.
“We've made plenty of messes. What I need is you,” Trunks rasped against his ear. “I can’t keep this up anymore…”
Lapis bit his lip, intertwined his fingers into the ones that held him.
“Then you can have me. It doesn’t have to mean anything...”
“But-”
“You’ll leave in the morning, like it was all just a dream. And things can be the same as before.”
Trunks turned Lapis to his side to face him. He looked upset, but nodded.
Lapis leaned against him, reaching up to kiss him. Trunks' lips were cold at first, but his breathes were so warm.
Trunks fell into their kiss hungrily. He nipped at Lapis’ lips, then at his neck. Lapis ran his fingers through thick blue hair and sighed. He wanted this so much, to just let go, even for a moment.
“Lapis- '' Trunks panted against his skin.
He wanted to say it, Lapis could tell. Those three emotional words his mother would cry at if she heard. Trunks looked so red and frustrated, struggling to keep the words in. Lapis shushed him, opened the door behind him and led Trunks to his bed.
It’s just lust clouding his head. He’ll wake up in the morning and realize it...
Lapis tried not to think about how Trunks touched him so tenderly. How his lips affectionately kissed his shoulder from behind, their fingers laced together as they melded into the sheets. How he would ask every time before they started again, even with so much desire in his voice, but Lapis would have wanted it to go on forever if it could. He had pulled Lapis close when it was over, kissing into his hair.
Lapis didn’t know he could still sweat. The heat, the warmth of it all… It was overwhelming.
He slipped out of Trunks’ arms once he fell asleep, and turned to his side. The more he looked at him, felt him, the more it would hurt. There were several places on his body that would definitely be hard to forget about. He crawled beneath the sheets, trying not to focus on the sound of the saiyan's breathing. Even though Lapis had tried to make it rough, tried to make it only sex, it still felt so much more than that. It was so intense and passionate, with such tender encouragement.
He only loved Trunks even more now.
Morning came, and Lapis could sense Trunks stirring up from his rest. He felt a hand on his waist and kept his eyes shut. He knew Trunks wanted to say something, probably apologize. None of that would help at all. So he left.
Lapis turned to the ceiling and placed his arm over his eyes.
What would he have done, if Trunks really stayed there?
He would probably be the one to let the words slip out. And yet, he still teared up.
Trunks flew away from Lapis’ cabin, stopping to lean dejectedly against a tree. Everything reminded him of the one he held so dearly. The blue sky, the flowing river. Streams of water that would run through his fingers like soft dark hair. The birds that chirped and sang like the clearness of his voice. The smell of earth and wildflowers. Berries as sweet as his lips.
That night meant everything to him. He was finally able to hold him close, their bodies made one and his soul made whole. He never wanted to let him go.
He placed a hand over his eyes and sank to the ground.
He wanted to tell him. He fought so hard not to tell him.
Lapis knew- he must have. But Trunks didn’t know if he would say it back. If he even could.
No, he knew the android could love. How else could he speak of his family so fondly. How else could he be so affectionate? To laugh against the fur of cubs and kiss their heads. To look at Trunks with such kind eyes, trying to hide his heart for his sake. He had been so selfless for the saiyan. Trunks hated himself for taking advantage of that kindness. He had felt so much love for him, so much hope. All of it just wishful thinking.
Lapis had tried to warn him, to avoid such a hopeless development.
He was right not to love him. Trunks wouldn’t be able to stay with him, to be the lover he deserved. He should let him move on, let him find someone who could stay by his side. However, the idea of someone else caressing him, kissing those sweet lips, hearing his soft sounds, incensed Trunks to no end. It was why he couldn’t take it anymore.
But he knew he could never claim Lapis. He was a free-spirit that would never be happy with someone so possessive. It was hopeless to even try.
Trunks yelled out a sound of frustration and threw his arm back to knock down the tree behind him.
“Damn it! Lapis- I’m… I’m sorry.”
He tearfully looked up at the sky, trying to calm down.
Lapis never should have tried to get close to him in the first place. Every time he tried to make Trunks smile, to bring any amount of joy into his gloomy life- it only made him love Lapis more and more.
He only needed to ask, and Trunks would give anything for him. He’d love him forever and never let go.
He was just a love-stricken fool.
He closed his eyes, remembering how blissful it felt just to touch him. To hear his name catching out of Lapis’ lips as he embraced him. Trunks felt warmer- he could grin if he didn’t feel so guilty.
He loved Lapis so damned much. He would continue to love him, no matter how much it hurt.
Because no matter how hopeless things looked, it wouldn’t stay that way forever.
And maybe one day… hopefully...