Chapter Text
The bond of blood is a snare, a trap that digs its teeth into the very muscle of your calves and keeps you down, it paints the very floors you walk with the dark shadows of all those who came before you. Ferin, the highest ranking authorities in the Navy, a force to be reckoned with, a face none can ever forget, the most powerful family in the seas — there is no greater shackle than the pedestal and expectations lain straight before a fledgling.
Jay Ferin stares at herself in the mirror, hair tied back neatly, eagle pin fastened in place, and a long, elaborate red coat hugging her form. Perhaps, if the Navy outfit hadn’t been born of such blood and legacy, Jay would have found it beautiful. The trimming is immaculate, the fit is perfect to her form, the shoulders are padded enough to give her the sense of command, and the tail drags out enough to give her a sharp, intimidating silhouette. By all accounts, she looks quite mesmerizing in it.
But there’s no strong emotion she can form over it.
She stares at her own reflection. It must be some gift of the gods or something, the way all the Ferins consistently share this distinct look. When the light casts down at her face, sunken eyes, high cheekbones and a narrow jaw form the shadows just perfect enough to give a cutting, skull-like shape. Long nose pointed vaguely down, thin brows, full bottom lip and a pointed chin — there is no escaping the legacy of her family, the shadow of her father. All Ferins have some form of this cutting edge, some iteration of this sharp contour, her fate is forged in her very genes, her very own form, an inescapable prison of the human body, recognizable to any and all. You cannot forget the face of a Ferin.
There is still no strong emotion she can form over it.
With a sigh, she shrugs off the Navy coat. It would be her uniform one day, once all of her training was fully complete and her father returned from his deployment to take her to the seas once and for all, but for now, it’s a decorative reminder of an unavoidable future. At least for now, she can take it off, sport something more… her , more comfortable, and ignore the inevitable for as long as she can.
After changing, she hangs her uniform in the back of the closet, giving it one last lingering look. Ava had believed deeply in the philosophy of the Navy, and in the belief that pirates were the bane of society to be rooted out. Ava had worn this uniform with great pride and with power, and where did it take her?
Jay shuts the closet door with a little more force than intended. Her uncle had rejected the coat, rejected this lifestyle when he was no older than she was now. He’d run away all those years ago, joined up with pirates, and her family - her father - spent the rest of his days hunting him down. Where does it all go, what does it all mean, truly?
There’s no true right answer to the universe, Jay thinks, descending down the steps to welcome the sounds of a busy tavern below. Only musts, and must-nots.
Jay opens the door, entering the bustling kitchen her mother and employees worked at, serving up all different manners of food with deft hands and the swiftness of years of routine. Her mother catches her eye, and offers a warm smile.
“Jay! I saved you a plate in the oven,” She says, gesturing to one of the ovens with a bottle of vinegar. “We’ve got a rush, so if you wanna help us a bit after you eat, I’d appreciate it.”
“Uh, sure!” She dodges a cook to retrieve her plate of roasted chicken and potatoes, flattening herself to the wall to keep out of everyone’s way. “Thanks, I’ll be right with you guys, okay?”
“You’re a dear, Jaby.”
Jay tries not to roll her eyes at the nickname, and shrinks out of the door to the dining area.
Sure enough, the tavern is bustling. There must’ve been an influx of travelers at the docks, some sort of trade stopping by or something to leave it this packed, and she wonders for a moment if she’ll ever find a spot to sit at for herself. She keeps herself flattened to the wall still, grateful that no one has the time of day to pay attention to her. She’s glad that there’s business; ever since Ava’s death, her mother had a hard time thinking about anything else. On slower days, when there was time to let the mind wander, it was easy to see the grief strike and weigh her down. So long as she had her hands busy, it was easier to cope, to not have to deal with the burden all at once.
Jay wishes it’d be that easy for herself.
She manages to find a little table at the corner. Ideally, she could take this back upstairs to eat, but people watching had become a more guilty pleasure for her recently. All the different conversations and stories of adventure were fun to overhear and blur together with different voices, see what the current fashion is, wave to the regulars and keep an eye on newcomers —
“Hey!” A masculine voice calls out, and Jay looks up with a mouth full of potatoes. A young man, surely no older than her, pushes his way through the thicket of people sharing a boisterous laugh and slides perfectly into the chair in front of Jay. “This seat taken?”
Jay stares at him. Brunette with shaggy hair parted down the middle, a roughed up white shirt that had certainly seen better days, suspenders, striped pants and two swords at his hips — there were certainly more interesting people out there, but at least this one appeared relatively non-threatening. But still, unwelcome.
“It ish now,” Jay says with her mouth full, pulling a piece of chicken with her fork. “Go find another table, won’t you?”
“Aw, don’t be so mean!” He says, scooting his chair into the table before someone knocked directly into him. “Besides, I can’t fuckin’ breathe in here, I need a spot to sit before I drown in people.”
Jay snorts, taking another bite of food. “Busy day. Not gonna get any easy service during an afternoon dock day.”
“No kidding,” He says, looking over the crowd with narrow eyes before turning to give his full attention to Jay. “But hey, at least there’s lots of people to look over. All sorts of skills and sailors, huh.”
Jay pauses with her fork just over her mouth, eyes sweeping the environment around her, then him. “Yeah. You never know what kinds of people are gonna walk in here.”
“All kinds I’ll bet… Probably looks like a good spot to recruit some seasoned men for a mission. Or women, right?”
Jay deadpans as the young man winks at her. “Are you asking me for something?”
“Are you from around here? Like, a local? Asking for me.”
“... My mom owns this place, so yeah, you can say that.”
The man seems to brighten a bit at this. “Cool, so can you vouch that, in theory, this would be a good place to look for some uh, willing participants for a… let’s say, a private, independent sailing operation?”
Jay narrows her eyes, fully setting down her fork now to fold her hands together beneath her chin. “Do you realize how cliche you sound right now?”
“Clih-what?”
“Looking for work in a tavern?” Jay snickers. “Just put out a flyer on the bulletin boards around town or something, you’ll find work.”
“Alright, but, it’s a private kind of thing, you know? Gotta recruit in person, see some faces, figure out what kind of crowd you’re dealing with.” He rubs his hands together, then sits back. The man seems to ooze confidence on a surface level, but now that she’s paying attention, she can see the nuance. Rigid shoulders, smile tense, gaze unfocused and distracted by the movements and loud noises of the tavern — his hands are rough and calloused yet skinny, face round and cheeks gaunt in a way she knows her mother would insist he have a little more nutrition. If she had to guess, he had to be younger than her for sure. A pup still wet behind the ears, her father would say.
“So… what, like a privateer?”
The man shrugs his shoulders. “Ehhh, sorta?”
“Not a very professional one at that.” She says, reaching back for her food. “You seem a little nervous. You’ve gotta have more confidence if you’re going to be walking around looking for workers.”
“What? Me nervous? I’m just trying not to get trampled around here! Besides, I’ve only just sailed here, so I’m having a rough start.”
“Sure.”
“No really, I’m not from around here, so everything kind of sucks.” He leans over the tablet closely, a glint of mischief in his eyes. “If I’m a little honest, I’m having a lot of trouble finding some willing and capable workers around here. Not everyone seems to have the gall or strength to come aboard and do what we do, but oh man, are they missing out on the treasure of a lifetime if they do stick around. Sheesh, I’m just saying.”
Jay stares blankly, taking a bite of chicken. “You tryna tell me something?”
“I’m just saying, if only there was someone around here who was willing to lend me a hand somewhere please. I’m trying to assemble a crew, the likes of which you’ve never seen. Need brave and willing sailors who want that taste of adventure and promise of reward. Just gauging interests here and there —”
“Y’know…” Jay says finally, deciding that she’d had enough. “I think it’s very bold of you to come onto Navy territory asking willy-nilly who wants to be a damn pirate of all things.”
“What! I didn’t say that word!”
“Oh, you’re implying it!”
“Am not! I said uh, I said -- privater?”
“ Privateer . And you didn’t say it, I did.”
“Sailor, dammit!” The man sighs, running a hand through his hair. “But, not that it matters. Come on, admit it, you’ve thought a little about sailing the open seas freely, exploring and seeing everything the world has to offer with no restraint?”
“I do plenty of sailing as it is.”
He inclines his head. “Freely?”
Freely?
‘The seas belong to the Ferins’, a memory plays in her head, the strong baritone voice of her father ringing clear as day. ‘They were always meant for you two, and always will be.’
It was one of those proud little speeches her father would say to Jay and Ava, one that made Ava stand a little taller and Jay shrink a little further.
He showed them the ropes, had them sail across the seas from station to station, readying them for the day they had their turn to command. To become a Vice Admiral themselves.
Under the rule of the Navy. Follow orders, follow protocol, protect the ocean, protect the territories. Let nothing fall.
Follow.
Jay sniffs. “What’s your name?”
The man offers him what is probably his award winning grin, and holds out a hand. “Name’s Chip, pleasure to meet you.”
Jay eyes him closely, not reaching for his hand. “Chip… last name?”
He stares blankly, the gears in his head turning as if Jay had surely reset him. “Chip auhh… Ja—aames?”
“Are you asking me or telling me?”
“I — it’s never come up!” He throws his hand out. “Whatever. What’s your name?”
“Jay.” Then, with added emphasis, punctuating the power behind the name: “Jay Ferin. ”
“Ferin…” Now he’s thinking, and Jay sits back with a smugness, waiting for him to realize the ill of his intentions. “Now, where have I heard that name… Ferin…”
“Oh come on, don’t play dumb, you know —”
“No shh! It’s on the tip of my tongue!”
“Did you just shush m—”
“Oh my god — hold on,” Chip squints hard at Jay, practically all but pressing himself over the table to get a better look. Did this kid need glasses or something? His eyes fall on the pin on her hair. “Oh…”
“Yeah,” Jay says, planting a hand on his head to shove him back. “Head of the damn Navy, so watch your—”
“Did you know Drey Ferin?”
Jay freezes, feeling her blood run cold. She searches his face, looking for any sign of ill intent, any sort of deceit or mischief in those eyes, but she finds only genuine intrigue and a playful, youthful aura about him, a seemingly out of character fascination. As if he’d seen a real life fairytale.
“What — How do you know that name?”
“You’ve gotta listen to me,” Chip insists, the attitude he’d carried with him previously all but gone, and it feels as though Jay is actually seeing the man for who he genuinely is, raw and unfiltered. “I’m being honest when I say I’m looking for a crew. Nevermind the titles of whatever it is we’re going to do, because while I can promise adventure and treasure and all of that, I’m doing this for one thing, and one thing only, and that’s to find my fami— ...my old crew.”
Pirates, she thinks. Confirms, really. Somehow, this kid’s connected to her uncle, and she doesn’t like the emotion it’s bringing up. She doesn’t like how undefinable that emotion is. “What’s that got to do with—”
“I knew him!” Chip says earnestly, and Jay can’t find any reason to believe he’s lying. “He was aboard my old ship, what I called home — I’ve spent years trying to find him and the others again, but I can’t… do it alone. I need help, but hey, he’s your family! You could come help!”
“Woah, hold on—”
“I’ve got a boat already. It’s not much, but hey, I’ll bet you ten gold it’s going to be way more than whatever the Navy’s offering you.”
“Shut up for a second, won’t you?” Jay snaps, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “You’re saying a lot of dangerous words out here so far from home. To someone in the Navy . Do you understand what I could do to you?”
Chip stares her down, the awe and excitement slowly fading into a colder, more guarded expression. “You’re right. Silly me, right? But riddle me this, Jay Ferin … are you happy here?”
“Pushing your luck, Chip no-last-name.”
“You’ve seen what the Navy’s done, right? What they’re planning on doing next?” Chip tilts his head. “Taking over the seas, trying to assume full control — but you’ve seen the ocean, how vast and unruly it is. They want to take that away from everyone, but that’s not in our nature. The seas are meant to be free, we’re meant to go out there and explore and take whatever it gives us, not bend it to some strict stuck-up assholes!”
“Pirate talk.”
“Call it whatever you want, but an adventure is an adventure, isn’t it? Gold is gold, the sea is the sea, and when you’re out there, why go anywhere but where the winds take you?”
“And get lost at sea? No thanks.”
“What’s the Navy got for you anyways? Cause Drey didn’t stick around for much, did he?”
“I’m giving you one last warning,” Jay growls, tampering down this strange feeling in her chest, clawing at the inside of her, threatening to break open these ribs to make themselves known and free, to leap out and join into the fray of something she has yet to comprehend for herself. “Watch your words carefully, or I might do something.”
“We can find him. I have a plan, I’ve been preparing for this for so long — I wouldn’t give up on this opportunity if I were you.” His brow twitches, his gaze switching between both of her eyes. “You seem like you’re around my age. Aren’t you at least curious what’s all out there? Because I’ve seen so much of it, and I’ll tell you this, it doesn’t get any less exciting.”
The worst part is that she is curious. The amount of times she’d spent leaning over the railings of the ships looking out to sea, watching the various colorful islands pass without the captain taking another glance or giving it the time of day — Drey left in pursuit of adventure too. He saw something beautiful in this life, enough to risk leaving behind his name and everything the Ferins had to offer, leaving these last fifteen or so years with her father talking him down to the very dirt.
But Ava… she’d lost her life to pirates. Some foul play, an incomplete story, one unfinished, one unsettled — pirates took her from her family, and now, Jay dares entertain the idea of joining one? One that took Ava away? Ava and her jokes, the way she snorted, how she always knew a way to keep Jay from crying when something scary happened, the stories she told, the way she hopped a little when mom made fried zucchini — you dare entertain the idea of joining what killed her?
Jay stares down at her plate of food. Whatever appetite she had was long gone now, and she simply wanted to get away from here. “I hope you can find your old crew,” Jay says, standing up. “But Drey’s not our family anymore.”
She turns away, and disappears through the back, leaving the boy alone at the table to drown in the sea of voices and faces.
…
The rush had finally settled a bit, enough for Jay and her mother to finally catch up to the mound of dishes that had collected over the hour. She stands silently, scrubbing away at each of the plates diligently while her mother hums a worker’s song. Normally, Jay would join in with the harmony, but she can’t find it in herself to meet the energy.
Eventually, her mother notices, and decides to comment on it. “You’re very quiet, Jay.”
Jay shrugs, setting aside another clean plate. “Just tired.”
“Saw you talking to a boy. Did he upset you?”
“Nah.” She thinks on it for a moment. “Well, yeah, a little.”
“Well, you know what I always say. A boy that makes you bicker is always sicker —”
“— so give him the kicker, yeah, I know,” Jay laughs a little. “Wasn’t like that though. He was looking for some sailors I guess to go like… do stuff.”
“Ah, it’s the season for recruitment. Heard a lot of talk in the tavern today like that.”
“It was a little more than that I think.” She lowers her voice. “I think he was a pirate. ”
“Eugh.”
“I know!”
“Why didn’t you say anything sooner? Who knows how far that boy’s gone by now.”
Jay presses her lips into a tight line. Yeah, realistically she should have told someone, reported the sighting and had him arrested or at the very least interrogated to confirm the suspicion but… after everything he said…
The promise of adventure, the mention of Drey Ferin…
Do you sail freely?
Will she ever?
Did Ava?
She stops scrubbing, staring down at the dish she held as a strange idea conjures in her head, churning and twisting, half-formed thoughts that belong only in dreams.
“Mom… can I tell you a crazy idea?”
Her mother turns to her with confused curiosity.
“What if…” Jay hesitates. She hates bringing up Ava around her, the tension and grief is something they still have yet to fully brace. The lack of closure leaves the wound fresh everyday, an injustice and a horrible, unhealing gash. “What… would you say, if I… in theory… became a pirate?”
“Jay!”
“But! Not like, an actual pirate, I mean…” Jay waves a soapy hand. “And again, this is in theory! If I… became a pirate, or just... pretended to become a pirate so that I can… try to find the… you know…”
Her mother stares at her, and Jay dares not meet her eyes, instead resting her gaze down at the counter her mom leans on. “Jay…”
“It’s been four months mom,” Jay says, battling against the tightness in her throat that forms around those words. “They still haven’t found the ones who did it. Sometimes I feel like they’re not even looking anymore.”
“I want to know just as bad, but… that idea…”
“It’d just be me, I’d be completely in disguise, just, undercover — I sneak in and I try to get information. I make them think I’m one of them, and once I’m in, I can start trying to figure out all these clues, and —”
“It’s not safe out there. I… don’t want to lose another daughter.”
“I’m smart, mom!” Jay says earnestly, catching herself off guard with how desperate she sounds. Perhaps this wasn’t just for the sake of theory, but a genuine consideration. “I could make it. Besides, there’s no way Ava’s… there’s no way it was just pirates. There’s something more to it, something else happened there.”
Her mother turns away, gaze dropping down. “... Foul play.”
“If I’m not in the Navy, I can just slip in no problem,” Jay steps closer, bringing her closed hands to her chest. “I can send you letters! Keep you updated on everything I do, never leave you in the dark. I’ll find everything I can, I can find who did it if I just…”
Her mom looks at her with teary blue eyes and a carefully neutral expression. “Jaby... This isn’t something your father would approve of.”
“He’s not going to be back for another six months, right? I could probably be back before he notices. I-I would just need some help convincing the Navy that I’m fine and not to tell him anything —”
“Why are you actually considering this? What did that boy tell you?”
“I could find who did it, mom!”
“Jay.” She puts her hands on Jay’s shoulders, gently silencing her to hold her attention. “My baby girl, you know I just want the best for you, but this…”
There’s nothing Jay can do to stop the tears from falling from her own eyes, and she wipes it haphazardly with her sleeve. This could work! It could work, and she could maybe find Drey, see the seas a bit, and she could find the truth behind Ava’s death, this can work! This can work!
“I want to know what happened to Ava too,” Her mom says, squeezing Jay’s shoulder gently. “But I also want you safe. And… I want you to be happy. If this is just… if you just want to go out there and sail, you don’t need to come up with this big excuse —”
“It’s not an excuse!”
“You can explore, Jay. I won’t resent you for it.” She reaches out to wipe a stray tear off Jay’s cheek. “If this is something you actually want to do, then I want you to live your life the way you want. You just have to promise you’ll come back to me safe, okay? And I’ll help keep you covered here.”
There’s a new feeling in Jay’s chest now. “You mean that?”
“Of course, my little eagle.” She squeezes her close to her chest. “What’s the point of being our little bird if you don’t spread your wings and fly?”
…
Perhaps this is an idea that should’ve taken way more planning and way more time, but there’s simply no telling just how far that Chip guy has gone by now. He’s out here looking for work, but if he’s talking the way he talked to her just out in the open in Navy territory, then he’s either found something and left while he could, or he’s been embarrassingly arrested for piracy.
But that’s why she’s packing quickly. Spare clothes, her bow, arrows, basic materials and other miscellaneous items for her needs — she slides open her closet door wide, and after turning through her jackets, she finds herself faced again with that bright red uniform. It looks so big, hung on that coat hanger, despite knowing that it’s tailor-made for her. It strikes that intimidating presence, stops her dead in her tracks and for a moment, she doubts herself, doubts her decision. Is this really the path she wants to take? To pursue desire over destiny?
She reaches out to the uniform, dragging a hand over the sleeve. A part of her wants to take it with her, pack it into her bag as… for… she’s actually not sure why. There’s no reason to keep it — you’re going to be a pirate for god’s sake! What message are you sending taking this thing with you?
She slides the uniform aside, the thought completely lost the moment she finds that old colorful clown costume she’d received ages ago. That part of her that wanted to entertain and bring joy to children’s gatherings and parties still rang true, and hell, if she’s going out to sea to do quite literally anything available, maybe there was still a chance to live out this little silly dream of hers. She yoinks it off the hanger and tosses it into her bag and zips it shut. After all, why not? Just in case.
All of her stuff packed, she trots down the stairs quickly, unable to keep the wide grin from forming on her face. It’s a little strange, thinking about the path she’s choosing here. A strange in-between of the fate Ava chose, and the one Drey chose. A pirate, but not quite. Navy, but not quite.
Just someone who misses her sister dearly, and wants at least a little taste of freedom she won’t ever have again.
As she steps out of the tavern in search of Chip, she can feel her wings spread for the very first time and leave the nest.