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It was clammy despite it being almost midnight. Stiles could feel every drop of sweat as it formed against his skin. It felt like there was no oxygen in the air every time he tried to inhale. His hair was sticking to his skin and everything was so fucking damp. This was the kind of weather that would normally drive him insane, but not this time. This time, he had Derek with him and Scott was playing with his band and looking so fucking happy about it. This time, his dad and Melissa were backstage on their first date while also supporting Scott. This time, he’d just made it through a gunshot wound to the neck that damn near killed him but didn’t because he had all those people who would have died trying to save him.
Sure, he didn’t know if Derek came back because he regretted leaving and realized he missed Stiles or because they told him that Stiles was in a coma that they didn’t know if he’d wake up from and he decided to be there for that. Stiles didn’t know if Derek stayed because he wanted to be with Stiles or out of pure remorse. He didn’t know because he never dared to ask because they’d been so happy together and what if it all went away? What if that burst their bubble and Derek realized that he never wanted to be part of Stiles again? What if Stiles lost him again?
Stiles turned his head to look at Derek, to make sure he was still there, to tame his panic and cover it up with humor; telling him something about the sweat coming out of places it was never supposed to, but Derek was already staring at him, a hint of a smile across his face but it was enough. He looked at peace, looked like he was in the middle of a dream that he never wanted to wake up from.
“ What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Stiles went to wipe whatever it was off his face, but Derek chuckled, shook his head. He pulled Stiles’ hand away from his face, brought it to his lips and left a feathery kiss.
“ You’re perfect.” Stiles just looked at him, searching for any sign of mockery or deceit, but there was none. Derek really was looking at him as if there couldn’t possibly be anything wrong with him. Stiles snorted in disbelief, not just of what Derek was saying, but of the fact that it was being said to him. That this was his life now. That he had someone to look at him like that. Stiles didn’t know what to say to that, so he leaned in for a kiss, his palm against Derek’s bearded cheek.
“ I love you.” He whispered, just outside of Derek’s mouth.
“ Love you too.” Stiles knew he did. He said it as much as possible now. He showed it in every action, put it in every touch. But what Stiles didn’t know was where it came from. Genuine love? Or just – pity? Hopelessness? Fear?
“ Derek, can I ask you something?”
“ Sure, anything.” Derek put an arm around Stiles’ waist, pulled him closer to his side, as the crowd around them started screaming, announcing that the band was back on stage. Derek was watching Scott on stage, singing his heart out and playing the guitar. They’d come a long way; Derek and Scott. They hated each other for a long time until they started forgetting why, then they tolerated each other for the sake of the pack, and then, when they almost lost Stiles, everything changed. That heartbreak, that agony, neither of them could bear it on his own so they leaned on one another, and that was the only way they made it through.
“ Hmm? What did you want to ask me?” Derek questioned, when Stiles took too long to speak. Stiles forced his eyes away from Derek, didn’t think he would ever ask that question if he didn’t. With his eyes on the stage, he missed the moment the screams started shifting from excitement to fear. There was a single loud bang, then people started moving towards them instead of towards the stage, their movement haphazard and careless like they were running for their lives. Derek was instantly on defense mode, pushing people away every time they came too close to Stiles, but there were too many of them. He didn’t stand a chance. He looked away from Stiles for a second, maybe two, but then Stiles took an elbow to his head and the doctors had warned him from any further trauma to the general head/neck area. Derek was yelling something out, his eyes wide and desperate, and Stiles wished he could hear him. Wished he could respond. Stiles’ eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell away from Derek. The crowd didn’t make space for his body, didn’t even notice when the pool of blood started forming beneath him. They kept on running like it didn’t matter. But Derek dove until he found him, laid over him when he made sure his chest was still rising and falling.
When the legs around them started dispersing, Derek stood back up, carried Stiles over his shoulder and started screaming for help. He saw red and blue lights, ran in their general direction. There was an ambulance there, surrounded by all those injured but not severely so.
“ Hey, hey, you have to help him. He’s the sheriff’s son and he – “
“ Derek!” He turned at the sound of his name, to find Melissa and the sheriff, one inspecting Stiles while the other made sure he was okay.
“ He got hit on the head and then he collapsed and – it all happened so fast, I don’t know how bad it is, I just – “
“ It’s okay, his pupils are responsive so that’s a good sign. Come on, let’s get him to the hospital to make sure it’s nothing serious. Are you riding with us?” Melissa got into the back of the ambulance, the paramedics recognizing her. Derek silently nodded, put Stiles down on the gurney before stepping in.
“ Scott. Is he okay?”
“ Yes. He’s fine. The band too.”
“ What the hell happened? Was it an explosion? A shooting?”
“ We’re not sure yet. I’ll wait here until everything is settled, then I’ll catch up. Call me as soon as you know anything, okay?” The sheriff pleaded, his eyes agonized as they took in his son’s unconscious figure. It was too soon for something this bad to happen again. They didn’t catch a break.
“ Of course. Don’t worry. He’ll be fine.” Melissa promised, nodding at the sheriff reassuringly. He sighed, gave her his best attempt at a smile, before closing the ambulance’s door, knocking on it to let the paramedics know they could drive away.
Derek closed his eyes, tried to focus his senses enough to find Stiles’ heartbeat. It was there; strong and consistent. He exhaled, rested his head against the window and attempted to settle his nerves. It wasn’t exactly working.
“ Were you hurt?” Melissa questioned, enveloping Derek’s hands to still their tremble. He hadn’t even noticed they were shaking. Everything was feeling out of sorts and unstable.
“ I don’t think so. Nothing that won’t heal at least.”
“ Calm down, he’s stable. He’ll be fine.” Melissa huffed out something like a laugh, trying to ease Derek’s panic.
“ I can’t keep doing this, Melissa. Oh my God, I can’t.”
“ Doing what?”
“ Coming so close to losing him. Watching him get so severely hurt and not knowing if he’s ever going to be okay. Having him one minute and then – this. I can’t keep doing this.”
“ I know, honey. I get it, trust me. I am in love with a man who would put everyone before himself. And I have Scott too. I worry, all the time. Sometimes, it feels like that’s all I do, that’s all I can feel. But then, they do something that drives me insane whether it’s with love or with rage, and either way, it reminds me that I feel all of those things because of them too. That’s gotta be worth something, right?” Derek looked at Stiles, blinked the tears away, looked past the blood and the paleness of his skin and the scratch marks, and found him. The man he’d been so completely in love with since he learned what that meant. The man he’d nursed back to health but felt like he was the one being nursed back to life. The man he’d woken up to every time he had a nightmare that felt like a memory he was desperately trying to outrun. The man who’d held him through so much, kept him together, loved him whole. And – yeah, that was worth it. Stiles would always be worth it.
“ Yeah. You’re right.” Derek nodded, his eyes still unable to look away from Stiles. “ I’m sorry.” He said, wiping beneath his eyes to keep the tears at bay but they wouldn’t stop coming. He was completely overwhelmed, overtaken by the blind fear of losing Stiles.
“ Oh you’re fine. Don’t worry about it.” Melissa patted his back gently, circled an arm around his waist and pulled him into a hug that he needed but didn’t have the words to ask for. It was moments like this one that brought back all the grief of the past, because as much as he loved Melissa, he still missed his mom and wished she was the one holding him through this. He missed his dad and couldn’t help but wonder how different everything would be if he’d been alive. He missed his brothers and sisters and – the version of himself that didn’t have to watch his life burn down to ashes, that didn’t lose so much and hold so much anger that he didn’t know what to do with. God, he hated feeling this helpless. He hated how familiar it was.
“ We’re here.” Melissa announced when the ambulance drove past the main gate. Derek pulled away, pulled himself together – or at least tried to – before the doors were opened and the paramedics wheeled Stiles into the ER. They announced what they knew of the case, and Stiles’ doctor came running at the sound of his name. He took him to bed 12, asked the nurse for some tests and closed the curtains. Derek and Melissa knew this part too well. They stood back, let the doctors be doctors, and waited for any information.
Almost 30 minutes later, Scott came running through the ER. His mom filled him in as best she could, then he found his place next to them, with his feet tapping impatiently. Derek had his arms crossed against his chest to keep from reaching out to anyone who passed them by and demanding answers. Melissa stood with her head rested against Scott’s shoulder, and her hand rubbing Derek’s back in silent consolation. Half an hour later, and the sheriff was there. He told them it’d been fireworks. Not an explosion, not a shooting, just a couple of kids having fun. There were at least 10 people injured, and that number would probably go up, but sure. They were having fun. Derek didn’t know if that made him angrier or more reassured that at least it wasn’t an actual threat.
The doctor came out when they were rolling Stiles to get an MRI. He was still unconscious but he was all cleaned up now, so you could see the cut where his head had hit the ground, you could see the bruises where people had stepped on him, you could see the scratches from the contact with the rough surface. The doctor said that it didn’t look like anything serious, a minor concussion at most, but the MRI would give them the certainty needed to wait it out and then release him. They all followed after Stiles from the ER to the MRI area and back to a room where they would wait for the results.
The sheriff was sitting by Stiles’ feet, Scott on a chair to his left and Melissa on a chair to his right, while Derek stood by the window, half-people-watching and half-listening-in-on-Stiles’-heartbeat-to-make-sure-it’s-still-there.
“ He’s waking up.” Derek announced as soon as he heard the minute change in the sound of his heartbeat. A tiny blip pulled him away from his place by the window and brought him to lean over Stiles, so that he could be the first thing he’d see when he opened his eyes. Stiles squinted, blinked with his eyes closed, groaned like he was in pain even when he wasn’t all that awake. He angled his head to the right, where Derek was now standing, opened one eye then another. He looked up at Derek with a blank expression, and Derek started thinking oh God he lost his memory, he doesn’t remember who I am, what if he never remembers me again? What if I have to go away because I’m a stranger to him and it terrifies him? What if he regains his memories after I’d left and thinks I abandoned him? He’s going to hate me and –
“ Are you okay?” Stiles suddenly became alarmed and Derek noted the dried blood on his neck and his shirt and realized that he looked like a madman.
“ I’m fine. Are you okay? Does anything hurt?”
“ I have a headache from hell and I feel like throwing up. What happened? Where are we?” Stiles groaned again, tried to bring his hands up to hold his head still and keep it from pounding, but he noticed all the wires and dropped them back down.
“ Some kids were playing with fireworks at the concert. People freaked thinking it was a bomb or something. You took an elbow to your head, passed out and cracked your head open. Derek carried you to the ambulance. Are you sure it’s nothing worse than a headache? You know we can’t risk it with your head right now, Stiles.” The sheriff stepped in, taking his son’s hand and holding it tight.
“ I know, but I – I feel fine, really. From the looks on your faces, it probably looks worse than it feels.” He tried to sit up, and it took him a few attempts and the sheriff physically lifting the weight of his body with him, to be situated comfortably.
“ Oh man, you didn’t get to finish the concert, did you? I’m sorry, Scotty, I know how excited you were.”
“ It doesn’t matter, dude, are you kidding me? It was – crazy, like those people were running like someone was chasing after them. So many people screaming and crying. I could see some of them just disappearing in the middle of the chaos. And then I heard about you and I just – I’m relieved you’re okay. I thought you were going to pull a Mufasa or something.”
“ Did you just compare your fans to wildebeests?”
“ What’s a wildebeest? Weren’t they bulls?”
“ Scott, no. You know what, I’m too loopy to get into the greatest animated movie of all time. We’ll watch it when I’m out of here and I’ll explain everything.” Scott chuckled, visibly uncoiling, reassured by his best friend’s intact humor.
“ Alright, buddy, get some rest. I gotta get back out there, but I’ll come see you later.” Scott said, giving Stiles’ leg a squeeze.
“ Wait, I’ll come with. Keep me posted if there are any updates, will you?” The sheriff directed his request to Melissa and Derek, both of which nodded in response, but Melissa decided to walk them out. She was probably trying to give Derek and Stiles some alone-time though.
Once the door was closed and they were left to themselves, Stiles tilted his head towards Derek, tiredly smiled at him around all the bruises and cuts scattered across his face, and he was still so fucking perfect in his eyes. Derek signaled to Stiles to scoot a little, and when he did that, Derek got into the small space on the bed, put an arm beneath Stiles’ head and another across his stomach, holding onto him to keep from falling off the bed, but also to keep him close.
“ I was so worried.”
“ You should have gotten used to it by now. I’ll probably do something to my head every week or so.”
“ Stiles.” Derek groaned, irritated by how careless Stiles was when it came to his wellbeing.
“ Why are you so serious? Relax. I’m fine.” Stiles rested his chin against Derek’s chest, started moving his finger across Derek’s lips, then his cheeks, then back to his lips.
“ I’m serious because I thought you were seriously injured. I have your blood on me for God’s sake. I had to lay over you to physically shield you from being stepped on, okay? It wasn’t a joke. It was bad.” Stiles stilled, stared into Derek’s eyes to find all that distress and worry. He pouted his lips like a child, lifted himself slightly to kiss the side of Derek’s neck.
“ And that made you sad?”
“ How high are you, Stiles? Of course it made me sad. Among other things.”
“ What other things?”
“ Terrified. Angry. Lonely. Helpless.”
“ Oh I’m sorry.” Stiles left kisses next to each other, starting from the side of Derek’s neck, to his chin, to his jawline, to his lips, to his chest. It was damn near impossible for Derek to follow any specific train of thought. Everything was a blur outside of the feeling of Stiles’ lips against his skin, which was probably what Stiles had hoped would happen.
“ Melissa could walk back in any minute.”
“ Werewolf hearing. Tell me when she’s close by.”
“ I can’t exactly focus right now.”
“ Oh yeah? Why is that?”
“ You’re an idiot.” Derek growled, taking Stiles’ lips between his and gently biting down. He shifted positions so that they were chest to chest. He would have liked to be on top and fully take control of the situation but he didn’t want to push Stiles’ body too much. Stiles laughed into Derek’s mouth, moving his fingers through Derek’s hair, tugging at the roots just enough to pull a groan out of him.
Amidst all that, two of the wires connected to Stiles fell away and the screens around them started making worrisome sounds. Derek cursed under his breath, inspected Stiles to make sure he was still okay, before tenderly pushing him back into a laying position. He stood from the bed, fixed his disheveled appearance, and waited until Melissa came rushing in, stopping once she realized there was nothing out of order except for the sheets. She grinned knowingly, reconnected the wires, and gave a warning to take it slow.
Once she left, Stiles wiggled his eyebrows at Derek, inviting him back into bed, but he shook his head with a laugh, pulled a chair and took Stiles’ hands between his.
“ You need your rest. I’m not going anywhere.” And it still caught Stiles off guard every time he heard a promise like that. A part of him still wasn’t all the way willing to believe it. Derek must have seen something in Stiles’ expression, because he questioned it.
“ What did you want to ask me?”
“ Huh?”
“ At the concert. You said you wanted to ask me something. What was it?” Stiles inhaled shakily, suddenly on the verge of tears. Derek frowned, fell onto his knees and came as close to Stiles as he could be without sitting on the bed.
“ Hey, hey, it’s okay. You can ask me anything.”
“ Are you going to leave again?”
“ What?”
“ Last time, you – we were together and we were happy, right? We were so happy. I thought – I thought I’ll get to have this forever. I thought you were mine and I was yours and then – then you changed your mind and you left and I was – I was so fucking sad, Derek, for a really long time. I didn’t know if I was ever going to feel normal again and now – I’m so scared of losing you again. I’m scared because I don’t think I can make it a second time. So if you – if you have any doubts, if you feel like you might want to try something else then – please, just tell me now before I – I – “ Stiles was in full-on hysterics and Derek felt his heart breaking into shards that were tearing him up inside.
“ Oh Stiles. Babe, I’m – I’m so sorry. Don’t cry. Please, don’t cry, I can’t take it. I love you. I love you so much and I’m never going to leave you again. Ever. I’m not taking a step anywhere without you.” Derek squeezed the hands he held, wanting so desperately for Stiles to latch onto the words, absorb them and let them heal those old wounds.
“ I didn’t leave because I changed my mind about us. I left because I had some personal shit that I needed to work through and I felt like I was drowning in other people’s shit here so I couldn’t focus on anything that was my own. I was lost and I needed to find my way back. And I did, didn’t I? I came back.”
“ But why? Why did you come back? Why did you stay?”
“ Why did I – you were hurt. Of course I’d come back!”
“ So you came back out of obligation?”
“ What are you talking about right now?”
“ I’d like you to leave, please.” Stiles pulled his hands away from Derek’s grip, shifted to lay on his back, eyes pinned on the ceiling with tears still sliding against his face, wetting the pillow below his head.
“ Stiles, babe, you don’t – “
“ Leave, Derek. I want to sleep.” He even closed his eyes and everything, showing Derek that he was no longer willing to take part in this conversation.
“ Okay. Get your rest. I’ll be waiting for you outside.”
“ Do whatever you want. I’ll probably sleep until tomorrow anyway.”
“ You never sleep for more than 6 hours straight. How are you going to manage that?” Derek tried to lighten the atmosphere, but Stiles wasn’t having it. He pressed the button next to his bed that turned off the lights, wiped down his face one more time, and continued to pretend to be asleep.
“ I love you, Stiles. Feel better.”
With the click of the door closing behind him, and the sound of his distancing steps, Stiles couldn’t help but drift.
Derek walked down the hallway, ended up in the waiting area where Melissa was, talking to her nurse friends. She waved him over but he gave her a half-assed smile, pointed towards the coffee stand and stood there, staring at the menu and trying to understand the words written but it just wasn’t clicking. His mind was somewhere else. Melissa came to stand next to him, her eyes on the same menu as she attempted to unravel whatever it was he was seeing on there. There was nothing to marvel on for this long.
“ Are you okay?”
“ Aha, yeah, just trying to choose what to order.”
“ Don’t hurt yourself thinking about it.” She giggled, shifting position to be standing in front of him, a hand on each of his arms, “ What’s going on?”
“ That obvious, huh?”
“ Let’s sit.” She guided him towards the seats, sitting beside him because she thought he could use the comfort.
“ Stiles is hurting. Because of me.”
“ Hurting how?”
“ He was asking me about the reason why I came back when I did. I told him it was because I learned he was hurt so there was nothing left to consider. I came back. And then he kicked me out, basically told me not to come back.”
“ I get what you were trying to say, but I think what he got from it, wasn’t that.”
“ How come?”
“ I think, in his mind, Stiles interpreted it that you came back out of guilt, or more like, because it would have been held against you if you hadn’t.”
“ That’s not what I meant at all!” Derek whined, leaned back into his chair and felt the will to fight leave him.
“ I know, I know. You just pressed on a button you didn’t know was there. I know Stiles. And I could see his.. weariness, his uncertainty when you were around. Not because he was unsure of his own feelings towards you because everybody knows he’s crazy about you, but because he has those doubts and insecurities. The thoughts and fears of that young man who’d been abandoned by a person he loved, so suddenly too. He had no time to prepare for it, you know. Or to come to terms with it.”
“ Fuck, this is all wrong. I didn’t – I didn’t abandon him, did I?” Melissa smiled at him, not in judgment or in blame. She was trying to tell him that he already knew the answer to that one.
“ I fucked up. I need to talk to him. He has to know that – that I had no clue he felt that way and I just – I love him so much, I would do anything to make him not feel like this ever again.” Melissa smiled proudly, as if that was exactly what she wanted to hear from Derek.
“ Alright then. Let’s go talk to him.”
They walked together back to Stiles’ room. As anxious as Derek was, there was a lightness to him now, knowing what he needed to say to Stiles to lift that weight off his shoulders, to ease his mind and give him something solid to hold onto. Melissa knocked before opening the door, but two nurses were standing by Stiles’ bed, looking alarmed.
“ Is he okay? What’s going on?” She stepped around the nurses, trying to find a clearer view of what was happening.
“ He has a nosebleed that won’t stop. His heart-rate is accelerating and he’s complaining of aggressive nausea that the meds aren’t helping with.”
“ Stiles, babe, I – are you okay? Huh?” Derek leaned down, started caressing Stiles’ back, his other hand running through Stiles’ hair gently. Stiles groaned, his eyes squeezed shut. He was in a fetal position; knees touching his chest, his arms circled around them as if trying to keep himself together. Derek could smell the pain coming off him in waves, and every time he tried to pull some of it, there was always more cutting through.
“ How is his BP?” Melissa suggested. One of the nurses started measuring it, announcing that it was through the roof.
“ I don’t feel so good.” Stiles whined, leaning over his bed to dry heave. There was nothing in his stomach to throw up, so that painful gagging was all his body could do to release some of what was building up inside.
“ Shit, shit, shit, Stiles. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m right here with you and – we’re going to get you all better.” Derek took a napkin, put it to Stiles’ nose in an attempt to stop the nosebleed but the blood seeped right through. So, he grabbed a towel, didn’t know how to press it down without suffocating Stiles. He felt like he was doing everything wrong.
“ Mel, why is this happening?”
“ The concussion might have elevated his blood pressure, which intensified his symptoms like the nausea and the haziness. That nosebleed is a sign of how high his BP actually is.”
“ Maybe we – “ Derek stood from his place, took one of his hands away from Stiles to point at something, but Stiles squeezed the hand near him, whimpered like he was scared. Like the thought of Derek leaving physically pained him.
“ Hey, I’m not going anywhere. I’m with you, Stiles. I love you, so much. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry, Stiles. I’ll be sorry for the rest of my life.” Stiles panted, wetted his lips a few times like the words were drying out his mouth, like he had to master up the strength to push them out.
“ I love you too.” He eventually said. The sincerity of his words was immediately overshadowed by the sound of the machines ringing as if in warning.
“ What’s wrong? What’s happening?”
“ He’s tachycardiac. We need to shock him.” Melissa yelled, mindlessly moving around Stiles, pushing Derek out of the way. Stiles’ grip had loosened around Derek’s hand, his eyes had relaxed like he was sleeping, as he lost consciousness.
The nurses easily laid him on his back, opening the gown to have access to his heart. They only needed to shock him once for his heart rate to stabilize but Derek swore he would never unsee the way his back arched upwards like he was floating away. He would never unhear the sound of the forced exhale that came out when his body crashed back down. It sounded unwilling, like it was being dragged out of his lungs and pushed into the world. The machines settled as did Stiles’ body but it all looked.. wrong. It felt wrong. Derek remembered the nights he spent next to Stiles’ hospital bed only a few months before. He’d promised Stiles he would never let this happen to him again. He’d told him he’d rather die than let him get this close to dying on his watch. And now – now, he was coming close to it again, over some stupid fucking fireworks. They were at a concert. This never should have happened.
“ He’s going to be okay. His BP is stabilizing and with it, his heart rate. The nosebleed stopped. He should feel better when he wakes up.”
“ When? When is he going to wake up?” As agonizing as it was, Derek couldn’t look away.
“ Probably in a couple of hours or so. Come on, let’s – “
“ I’m not leaving until he wakes up.”
“ Derek, we’ll just be – “
“ Melissa, please. Just – let me do this.”
“ Okay, whatever you want. I’m going to freshen up and update John. I’ll be outside if you need me, okay?” Melissa had Derek’s face between her palms, making sure he saw how much she meant what she was saying. He nodded, let her plant a kiss to his cheek and kept it together until she left along with the other nurses. Once the door was closed and the room was empty, Derek came apart. It started with a choked sob that he tried to stop by covering his mouth but it came anyway. Then, the tears wouldn’t stop. He kept looking at Stiles every so often to make sure he was still there, to anchor himself to the presence and not the damn near loss. He fell to his knees by his bedside, took his hand and held it to his face, letting his touch sink in, allowing himself to absorb the comfort of the familiarity of the feeling of them being skin to skin. Eventually, he was all dried out, drained by the events of the seemingly endless day. He couldn’t have had his eyes closed for more than 15 minutes, before the hand that he was holding onto started to twitch.
He wiped his hands down his face to erase any traces of his breakdown, sniffled to make sure everything was at bay, and waited for Stiles to find him. He did, after blinking a couple of times, groaning as the pain broke through the hazy cloud of pain-meds and sweet unconsciousness. Stiles’ eyes fell on Derek, blank at first until they registered who he was, so they filled up with love and relief. Then, it seemed like he remembered what happened last; how he’d kicked Derek out, and things started to shut down but Derek wouldn’t let them.
“ My turn to talk and you just listen. Yes, I left you when we were in the middle of building up a relationship that felt like forever. Maybe that was selfish, but it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. And that’s not the cliché of it’s not you it’s me, this was really all done for me and by me. I wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t ready to give you the love you deserve and – accept the love you were pouring onto me. And then, I got the call that you were hurt and I – I couldn’t stop myself from coming back if I tried. It wasn’t out of pity – I don’t know how the fuck you even thought of that – it wasn’t out of obligation or any of the dumb shit you said. It was because I love you and the thought of you dying without knowing that would have probably killed me. I had to be there for you, for the people that love you, because you deserve to have the whole fucking world stop whatever it’s doing and just – sit around and watch you exist. Then, you woke up and – I couldn’t remember why I ever left. I couldn’t bring myself to even consider being anywhere where you weren’t. Now, do I have feelings of regret? Of course. Every day. But if you think that I’m still here because I feel bad for leaving then you think too highly of me. I would never stay somewhere where I’m miserable just because I’d feel remorseful about it later. I would never settle for that type of life. And I don’t have to settle for you, Stiles. You’re everything I want for myself and more. You’re just – you’re my whole fucking world and I love you and I don’t want to do anything else but love you.”
Tears were collecting by the corners of Stiles’ eyes, something so broken about them, but his lips curved into a smile, his head moving into a nod, as he willed Derek to approach. Derek stood up, leaned forward and then Stiles tugged his head down the rest of the way until they were kissing.
“ I love you. I’m sorry that I got so in my head. I should have said something sooner but I was scared of hearing the wrong thing and then having to rip the bandage when I wasn’t ready to.”
“ I’m sorry for not pushing harder for answers, Stiles. Maybe we could have avoided all of this.”
“ It’s okay. Next time, we’ll both do a better job communicating. I promise.”
“ Next time? There won’t be a next time because I’m never leaving your side again.”
“ Never?” Stiles grinned, his fingers massaging Derek’s skull.
“ Never ever.” Derek laughed when Stiles did, and then the sheriff, Scott and Melissa were in the room, along with the rest of Scott’s band and a few officers that were acting as security for the concert. Derek faded into the background but made sure Stiles had eyes on him at all times. He wanted him to see him stay. He wanted him to eventually not need to look for him because he’d know he was there. He wanted him to trust in what they had again, in himself and in Derek and –
He understood that it would take time. That he’d have to do many things just to prove his intentions. That trust wasn’t something with an easy fix. But he also knew that Stiles was worth a lifetime of trying. One look at the man, and he knew he would give anything to wipe that hesitance and fear away.
And maybe… maybe that wasn’t fear in his eyes at all. Maybe Derek was just overthinking and over-analyzing. After all, he tended to get overly serious sometimes. And when Stiles tilted his head towards him mid-laugh, trying to involve him in the joke that he completely missed, Derek couldn’t bring himself to care about anything but this. Right then and there.