Chapter Text
She could feel her throat constricting and the tears beginning to form "I-I'm sorry tsukki" she said it barely above a whisper unsure if he'd heard. He came to a stop and turned to face her "for what?" Unsure of what to say Yamaguchi began to wring her hands together as the anxiety built up in her chest, she took a deep breath before she spoke "for everything "
THUD
Yamaguchi is awoken by a rather sudden impact with her bedroom floor, she had the dream again she thinks, exasperated. How many times can a person repeat a single dream before they forget,her best guess was never. With an undignified huff she pulls herself of the floor deciding that since she's already up there's no point in going back to bed. Stretching as she walks toward the mirror she stares intently at her reflection in order to gage just how badly she looked, last night she had stayed up to finish her english paper and ended up not being able to fall asleep until around two in the morning. God she hated morning classes.
Her suspicions were proved correct, she looked like shit. She had bags forming under her eyes tied in with some badly smeared makeup. She didn't even want to look at her hair, she despised the fact that no matter what she did to the mane, it refused to lay the way she wanted it to. Letting out a disgruntled sigh she began to remove the previous days makeup, only to be interrupted by a sudden shrill ring, to her embarrassment a squeak left her lips at hearing the noise. Yamaguchi quickly dropped the makeup pad and sped to her seating room to grab the ringing device.
She slid her finger across the screen to accept the call and held the phone up to speak
"hello?"
She spoke quickly yet tentatively and was greeted with the cheery voice she knew so well
"Yamaguchi! Hey it's Suga!"
Yamaguchi let out a relieved breath that she wasn't aware she'd been holding
" I just called to let you know that the old team will be meeting up and I wondered when you'd be free?"
He said it so kindly that she almost ignored the way those words made her blood run cold. She was quiet for a moment before speaking carefully
"Well I don't know Suga-san, I've been rather busy with classes so Im not quite sure if I'd have time."
Yamaguchi held the phone away from her ear as Suga let out a distressed whine
" Come on Yamaguchi, when was the last time we met up? You'll only talk with me and Daichi when it's us calling, when was the last time we met face to face?"
Yamaguchi swallowed at the thought three years counting she sighed and began twisting her hair between her fingers, a nervous habit she'd developed after growing it out.
" I know Suga-san, it's just that a lot of things have changed since high school, I'm not the same old Tadashi you used to know."
She stared at the ceiling waiting for his reply, What would happen if they did meet? Would he be disgusted? Would he tell Tsukki?
Tsukki
She shook her head to avoid the thought and tuned back into Suga's now melancholy voice
"well ok, you don't have to meet everyone but me and Daichi will be stopping by to see you , so message me your address. And Yamaguchi , I highly doubt you've changed to the point we wouldn't want to see you!!"
Before Yamaguchi could reply Suga hung up the phone.
Suga had a way of bringing out his 'mom voice' and making you feel as if anything other than obedience met certain death. Yamaguchi plopped down onto her couch and sighed deeply, just after graduating high school she had left for Tokyo planning to never come back and to cut of contact with everyone she had known. Only by extreme interrogation had Suga gotten her new number, yet she still couldn't tell him.
She held her hand in front of her and examined the finely painted gold nails. She had been on hormones for over three years now, having started them in secret during her third year if high school, and just eight months ago she received her final surgery; the final step for making her insides and outsides match.
The only issue was that she had no idea how to come clean to her old teammates, telling her parents was hard enough, how could she lose their acceptance too? She took a deep breath and clenched her hand into a fist,
"no"
she whispered with determination etching her voice
"if they can't accept me then who needs them, I can do this!"
She smiled but felt it slip off her face as she leaned back, who was she kidding? The thought of telling them the truth,'that she is a woman and always had been' , terrified her. She could see how it would go with little thought necessary to do so, the disappointment in Suga's eyes, the discomfort obvious despite him attempting to hide it on Daichi's face, The disgust that riddled Tsukki's features. Tsukki.
No. She shook her head attempting to shake the bad thoughts out of her head, if she kept thinking like that then she would never get through it. In her last streak of courage she gripped her phone and tapped out her address before hitting send. There, it was finished now she had to go through with it. No backing out now.
Choosing not to further depress herself with thoughts she dragged herself off the couch and into her closet to get dressed.
Pulling off her sleepwear, which consisted of wide necked grey T-shirt and a pair of blue and white plaid sleep shorts, she stepped in front of her full length mirror.
She couldn't help but smile, thanks to the help of a few surgeries and hormones she was now indubitably a woman. She eyed her soft curves once more before turning towards her wardrobe.
After a few moments of staring intently at her clothing selection Yamaguchi pulled out the dress she had ordered after seeing it had yet to be released in stores, only available for online purchase. She felt her lips pulling into a smile as she held it up. The dress itself was long sleeved and collared , dyed a dark blue and littered in stars. While it was a bit on the short side she believed that she could pull it off with ease.
She began to pull on the dress when she saw her phone light up, 8:15 am , class started in fifteen minutes. In a moment of sheer panic she wrenched on the dress and ran to the bathroom to fix the mess she called her hair and apply makeup. Opting for the easier path Yamaguchi swept her hair into a loose bun and swiftly applied concealer and eyeliner. She halted for a moment to gage her reflection before she shook her head. No she passed, she had been able to pass for a long time and she wouldn't be questioned. She forced herself away from the mirror and grabbed her necessary items; purse check, chapstick check, wallet check, cell phone check.
Being assured she had everything she pulled on a pair of gold flats and sped out the doorway and into the hall. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that boxes where stacked up in front of her neighbors door, ah she thought the landlord did mention a new tenant didn't he? Lost in thought Yamaguchi didn't see the figure stepping out of the doorway until she was a second to late and they collided.
She fell onto her behind with a small "oof" and watched as her things flew midair, shocked for just a moment as she took in what had happened, she began to scramble to pick up her dropped items muttering a series of apologies as she stood up
"I am so so sorry I wasn't paying attention and was in too much of a -"
"Yamaguchi?"
She looked up, knowing that voice all too well. Her eyes went wide as the realization of just who she had bumped into and who those boxes had belonged to set in. She stared , unable to think of anything coherent to say besides
"Tsukki"