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“I’m going to Seattle.”
Luke, Calum, and Michael all stop what they’re doing to stare at him. It would be comical in any other instance: the three of them, silent and all focused on the same thing for the first time in their lives, but Ashton hates it. He wants them back at the beginning, when the world was full of opportunities and they were constantly bouncing off the walls with energy. He wants them back when getting all of them in the same place was like herding cats and every conversation was punctuated by dirty jokes and loud laughter. He doesn’t want their tired eyes and slumped shoulders.
“What?” Michael asks eventually, breaking the silence. They hadn’t even turned on music to fill the empty space, which says leagues more than words could.
“I’m going to Seattle,” he repeats. Luke straightens, setting his phone down. Calum turns to face him fully, leaning against the wall. Only Michael remains still, just watching him levelly. Ashton’s eyes dart between all three of them, not knowing who to focus on.
“I’m so fucking sick of this shit,” he says. “I feel like a dancing monkey. I’m fucking exhausted. It’s been go go go for years and I need a fucking break, man. I want to sleep in for once. I want to eat some fucking ice cream without looking over my shoulder in case our trainer catches me. I want to be able to take a fucking shit in peace without worrying that some fucking member of our fucking management is going to knock on the door and tell me to hurry up because we need to be on the road. I don’t want to go anywhere, I don’t want to see anyone, I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want anyone to tell me I have to do anything. I’m fucking done. I’m going to Seattle.”
Once again, no one moves. Ashton wants to crawl out of his skin. He feels like the window of an abandoned house, one that neighborhood kids like throwing things at to see what smashes, and a kid with good aim just picked up a rock. He’s seconds away from shattering.
“Now?” Luke asks eventually. Ashton nods. “But, management--”
“ Fuck management!”
Luke takes a deep breath, then nods. Silence falls once more.
“Okay,” Calum says once Ashton considers turning around and bolting, muscles tense for a fight. “What do you need us to do? Do you want us to distract everyone? We can buy you some time.”
“I want you to come with me.”
His voice cracks on the last word, which is just icing on the fucking cake. This whole ordeal is already pathetic and embarrassing, and now he might cry on top of it.
He’s supposed to be the strong one. Luke is the baby and Calum needs someone to keep him going on the same path as them and Michael’s got his own shit to deal with, but Ashton is supposed to be the one who can weather any storm and bring them through the other side. Now he can’t even make it through this conversation.
“Okay,” Michael says. He goes to his duffle bag, throwing scattered clothing pieces into it while Ashton blinks.
“Come on, let’s go!” he says, clapping his hands, startling Luke and Calum into motion. “The sooner we leave, the further we can get before they notice.”
“You’re coming?” Ashton asks.
“Of course,” Michael says. He pauses in his packing to step forward and put a hand on Ashton’s shoulder, grounding him with his grip. “If you want us there, we’ll be there. That’s what this band means. Right?”
Calum and Luke nod. Ashton swallows around the lump that has suddenly arisen in his throat.
He loves his boys. They’re the only thing that has gotten him this far, and they’re the only people he wants next to him for this. He was fully prepared to leave alone, but he feels better taking them with him.
If he gets to escape, they should, too.
“So, we take a taxi to the airport and get tickets on the next flight to Seattle?” Luke asks, scrambling to collect all of his things scattered around the room. Ashton unplugs his phone charger and tosses it to him, starting on a check to ensure that they don’t leave anything behind. All of their movement is so loud, and he feels like someone is going to grow suspicious of the noise and knock down the door at any moment. They need to get out of here now.
“We’re taking the train,” he says. “I don’t want them to be able to follow us. They’d expect a plane, but no one would think we’d take a train. I’ve found one that leaves in just over an hour. I withdrew money earlier so we can buy tickets, then when we’re in Seattle we can hop on a plane.”
“Where to?” Calum asks. Ashton shrugs.
“Do you think they’ll follow us?” Luke asks uncertainly.
“Yeah,” Ashton says. He checks the door over his shoulder, like someone is waiting right outside to stop them and force them all to stay here and play their roles in this grand, orchestrated show. His pulse jumps, and he has the crazed idea that he’ll die before he lets that happen.
He’s not going to be their pawn anymore. He’s going to go back to being himself, and he’s not going to let anyone take that away from him.
He has cash in his pockets and his boys. They’ll turn off their phones until they’re far enough away, keep off the grid for tonight at least. By then they’ll have a head start, and eventually everyone will cut their losses and let them go.
“I’ll get the taxi,” Michael says, hefting his bag high on his shoulder. He flips his hood up and puts on sunglasses, even though it’s night out.
It’d be no use for them to get recognized right off the bat.
“Do you have your gloves?” Ashton asks. “It’ll be cold in Seattle.”
Michael produces them from his pocket in answer.
“See you out there,” he says, and then he’s gone. Ashton’s heart leaps into his throat, like it’s trying to follow Michael out the door.
Fuck, he doesn’t like them being separated. Anything could happen to Michael out there.
“Come on,” he says to the other two. His own bag is already packed, everything that he’d need thrown into it for a quick escape. All that’s left is to gather his boys and they can leave without looking back.
Calum finishes first, helping Ashton check the room and putting Michael’s forgotten toothbrush in his bag. Ashton finds his passport and throws it to him, and as soon as Luke has his bag zipped they’re out of the room, speed walking down hallways and taking back staircases until the cold night air brushes their face.
Michael waves them over and pours them into the waiting cab, and then they’re off.
Ashton can’t believe they made it this far.
Luke reaches over and squeezes his hand. Ashton holds on tight.
The train station is relatively easy to navigate, especially since only three more trains are running tonight, but there’s still more people around than Ashton is comfortable with. Every noise grabs his attention; every light feels like a spotlight beaming down on them. He grabs on to Calum and Luke, put more at ease when Calum grabs Michael’s hand, too, connecting them all in a chain. They’re like little schoolchildren on a field trip, tasked to use the buddy system to ensure that none of them run off, except that’s not right. He feels like everyone treats them as kids these days, telling them to stay in line and move here and participate in all of the activities scheduled for them, but they’re not. They’re fully-functioning adults, and tonight is the night they’re proving it. They’re going to go to Seattle, and from there, the world is theirs, just they were always told it was.
Calum buys the tickets, because he says that Ashton looks like he’s on the run and they’ll get the police called on them. He delivers it like a joke, but it makes Ashton take a deep breath. He can’t do anything suspicious that would get them caught, not when they’ve made it this far. Michael presses close to him in the gap that Calum left, wrapping an arm around his waist and tucking himself against Ashton’s shoulder. He usually gives Ashton an appropriate space bubble, but Ashton’s glad he’s next to him, now. He puts an arm around him and pretends that as long as his arm is there, they’re safe.
Their train doesn’t have individual compartments, just groups of chairs arranged in a pod, but it--like the station--isn’t at full capacity, and their car only has one other person in it, hunkered down with headphones on in the corner. They take their seats as soon as possible, settling in with Ashton on the aisle, Calum across from him, Michael at the diagonal, and Luke next to Ashton, looking out the window. It’s dirty, with frost on the outside that obscures their faces enough for Ashton to resist pulling the curtain down.
The conductor already took their tickets. No one else is going to get on the train to take them off, not now. They’re basically free.
When the train finally begins to move, Ashton feels them all let out a collective breath. It still feels like they could get caught at any moment, but they’re on the train. They’re moving.
Ashton smiles. It feels brittle, but it’s a real one, not a fake smile that he’s forcing so no one else worries.
“Hey,” Michael says, kicking him. “There’s a dining car. I’m fucking hungry.”
“You’re always hungry,” Ashton says, but he stands and offers Michael his hand, anyway. Calum and Luke don’t want anything, and Ashton can already see Luke begin to nod off, exhausted from a full day and impacted by the darkness outside. He has deep circles under his eyes that will take more than a nap on the train to undo, but it’s a start.
He presses a kiss to Luke’s forehead, then Calum’s. Michael doesn’t bother to hide his smile as he tugs Ashton over to the next car.
“Oh fuck yeah,” Michael mutters while they look at the menu. Ashton wholeheartedly agrees, taking in all of the food that they’re not supposed to eat except for special occasions. Ashton wants to gorge himself on all of it, but he’s not that hungry, and he’ll have time for more later. They both buy ice cream sandwiches, giggling to each other all the way back to their seats. The ice cream is sweet and cold on his tongue, the chocolate sandwich portion dense and delicious. Ashton offers Luke a bite while Calum takes one from Michael, and giddy happiness surges in Ashton’s gut at their pleased hums and content smiles.
They deserve it. Honestly, they deserve so much more, but some ice cream is a good place to start. Ashton can give them that.
Luke well and truly drifts off not long after that, slumping against Ashton to get comfortable. The train offers more legroom than most vehicles, and he stretches out in his seat, tangling his legs with Michael’s. Ashton shifts to accommodate him as best he can, and soon enough Luke becomes a slack, heavy weight on his shoulder. Michael closes his eyes as well, although Ashton can’t tell if he’s sleeping or faking it.
“What’s the plan after the airport?” Calum asks quietly, shaking Ashton out of his trance watching the scenery outside blur in different shades of black. Ashton shrugs.
“Where do you want to go?” he asks.
“I don’t care, as long as it’s with you guys,” Calum says, taking the words right out of Ashton’s mouth.
“We’ll ask the other two when they wake up,” Ashton says. “We’ll be able to find somewhere interesting.”
“And after that?”
Ashton shrugs again. He hadn’t thought much beyond how to get out. That’s part of the excitement of it: for the first time in years, they don’t know what’s going to happen next. Everything is possible, and they’re the ones who get to choose.
He knows that eventually they’ll go back and have to explain themselves and pray that they can still somehow make music after this fiasco. If they burn bridges by escaping, they’ll figure it out. Ashton knows that they can come back from this, no matter what the repercussions are. They can do anything as long as all four of them are in it together.
“I’m glad you’re here with me,” he says.
Calum smiles. Maybe it looks lighter than his smiles have for the past few months, or maybe that’s Ashton projecting. Either way, something wound tight inside Ashton unravels at the sight.
“There’s nowhere else we’d rather be,” Calum says.
Ashton looks at all three of them, his boys, and has to swallow down the emotions threatening to overwhelm him.
“Hey, take a nap,” Calum says. “No offense, but you look like shit. I’ll wake you when we get close.”
“That’s fucking rude,” Ashton says with no heat. Calum’s not wrong; none of them have been at their best lately, and it’s too easy to tell just by looking at them.
He should stay awake, just in case something goes wrong, but he wouldn’t be able to do anything on a moving train, anyway. Already the lull of the tracks disappearing underneath them is turning him sleepy, moving vehicles being the best lullaby after years catching sleep in the tour bus. The adrenaline from the escape is leaving his system, and he should sleep if he wants to be at his best for the rest of their journey.
“I could nap,” he says, carefully getting more comfortable without dislodging Luke. Calum hides his smile in his jacket collar, settling in to keep watch over them all, the silent sentry that Ashton can trust to keep them all safe. Ashton closes his eyes and tilts his head to rest against Luke.
For the first time in a long time, he’s excited to wake up and face the future they make.