Work Text:
When I wake up
Its two days after Zayn lost his job, two weeks before Christmas. Zayn was walking aimlessly around the city after a night out with his friends Louis and Liam, and their respective partners, Niall and Sophia. Louis organized the night hoping it would take Zayn’s mind off of his situation for a while and also to celebrate that Niall had finally proposed to him after a year of not subtle hints.
Normally, he wouldn't be up for going out to a club, but it was a special occasion and Zayn wanted to be there for his friend, even if it just felt like a reminder of how much of a failure he was. He knows he shouldn’t compare himself to others, but Louis had almost all his life planned with a job he loved, a fiancé and a bright future ahead of them. And the same goes for Liam and it just highlights how Zayn has none of these things.
It felt like he was being left behind while they moved on with their lives, and his recent unemployment didn't help how he felt at all. So even though he enjoyed spending time with his friends, he was glad when it ended earlier than expected with Niall feeling a little overwhelmed and ill in the crowded club and Liam and Sophia having to catch a flight out of the country first thing in the morning. After they were gone, Zayn was left alone to wander around for a while until his head was cleared enough to catch some needed sleep.
So here he was, walking aimlessly around the city. He was smoking his last cigarette when he felt the first drop from what then turned into a storm that left him soaking wet and looking around for a place to take cover. The only light he saw was coming from a place down the street where people were pushing to get inside to get some shelter from the pouring rain.He really regrets wearing the jean jacket Louis lent him, which now is weighing him down.
When he got to the place, he noticed it was a bar and apparently there was some sort of gig from a band so they were charging 5 dollars to get inside. Without waiting one more minute, Zayn got his wallet out and paid with a dripping bill and shoved inside. The heat from the place instantly hit him as well as the smell of sweat mixed with perfume, as he made his way to the bar.
Taking his dripping jacket off and placing it on the barstool next to him, he ordered a drink- Jack and coke- and turned around and took in his surroundings. There was quite a crowd, but not as many people as in the club.
The bar smelled cleaner than most bars he’s been in and the acoustics were not that bad, making him feel the beat of the drums and the bass deep in his bones and making him have shout to thank the bartender. Just then the song ended and everyone clapped.
"Thank you all for having us tonight, my name’s Harry and we are The Indie Moths. The next and last song we're singing is a cover called ‘Take Me Dancing’” the singer of the band said.
Zayn looked at him as the guitar played softly and was surprised when he heard the guy’s voice as he started singing.
Oh a good man said
If you're feeling dead
You got to find a way to be alive
The instant the singer looked up to the crowd Zayn felt his breath catch. He had the most captivating eyes he had ever seen, his eyes looked almost gray with some greenish undertones from a where he was perched on his stool. And there also was a soft roughness to his voice that Zayn didn't expect from some sweet cherub looking person.
Give me thunder, Give me lightning
And I will give you every part of me
Take me dancing get me fucked up
Play and old guitar and we will sing
And fucked up Zayn was. The ways the guy’s impossibly pink lips wrapped around that word was the most sinful thing he had ever seen. Well maybe not the most, but it was on the top 10 for sure. Zayn takes a large gulp from his drink to distract his mind from his itch for another cigarette.
This is not a game
That you have to play
Don’t need a reason to breathe
Just like you’re dying
“You want another one?" he heard a voice behind him say. He turned around and the bartender- Paul his nametag said- was giving him a knowing look.
'Huh?' Zayn asked confused. Paul pointed towards Zayn’s almost empty glass. When did that even happen? The thirst was real. "Uh, yeah please" and turned back around to face the stage. He knew ordering another drink was probably the last thing he needed right now after all the beers and suspiciously purple drinks Louis kept sending his way. But he wanted to be blame the dizziness in his head on the alcohol he was drinking rather than the green eyed boy watching him from across the room.
Paul must notice something because he can hear him laughing under his breath.
After a few minutes he heard Paul’s voice again. "Here you go, try not to drool all over your chin again" he pushed the glass towards Zayn, breaking him out of his daze.
He wiped his chin with his hand only to hear Paul’s laugh down the bar. He was sure if he had a lighter skin color he would look like a tomato, but as it was he just looked a little rosy at the cheeks. Blame it on the booze.
He sipped at his drink and returned his attention towards the band. His eyes finding the singer--Harry--dancing around the little stage and pulling people from the crowd to dance with him as the music picked up. His weird flamingo print shirt was unbuttoned down to the middle with what looked like a moth (seriously?) tattoo peeking out.
He kept dancing and jumping on the stage as people cheered him on. Zayn couldn’t help but smile at the sight. How was this guy real? How did he turn from handsome and kind of indie guy to a 5 year old swaying his locks from side to side smiling like a maniac?
As the song came to an end, Harry thanked the audience again and got off stage to start taking the instruments down and to the back entrance of the bar. The rain had calmed down to a light drizzle so a lot of people went outside to get fresh air or catch a cab.
Fifteen minutes later, Zayn decided he had enough for the night, and that it was safer to leave now than to stay and embarrass himself with that cute singer boy. He was just finishing his drink so he could head home, when someone stood beside him and yelled at Paul to come and bring two rounds of shots. Zayn turned to look at the person and of course it was Harry, and of course his eyes were more captivating up close. Well, too late for not embarrassing himself since he was sure he looked like a wet dog with his long hair clinging to his head, and his clothes sticking to his body. The wet state he was in making him shiver every time someone opened the door and a rush of cold wind came in.
Harry said something to him, but Zayn was so lost in his eyes that reminded him of those Thailand seas he once saw in a “places to visit before you die” documentary. He broke out of his daze and had to ask Harry to repeat himself.
"I asked if you enjoyed the show." Harry repeated giving him an expectant look.
"Uh, yeah it was great, I loved that last song."
It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the truth either given that Zayn could not concentrate on the song when all his attention was on Harry and trying not to make a fool of himself again. He couldn’t even bring his eyes to meet Harry’s again, fearing he would get caught or worse, lost again.
Harry smiled cheekily. "You mean the only one you heard? I saw you come in as soon as the storm began."
Zayn felt the blush from earlier come back to tint his cheeks and wow, he couldn’t remember the last time someone made him feel this flustered, so he took a sip of his drink hoping it would hide his embarrassment.
“Bro, you’re really wet.” Harry observed. And that was about when Zayn died. He was sure Harry didn’t mean it to sound as dirty as it did, but Zayn was a few drinks past having control of his thoughts so he let them be. “Want Paul to give you a towel? You’re going to get sick going out like this?”
Is this guy real? How did Zayn go from wanting to taste this guy’s lips to wanting to be cuddled by him until the sun came out in just 5 seconds?
There was a cough and then Paul said “Here you go, now go with your friends and stop torturing this poor guy.”He gave Harry a tray with ten shots of what he assumed was tequila and Paul went to the other side of the bar.
Harry grabbed the tray and as he was about to leave he directed a wink towards Zayn.
“Maybe next week you will be able to hear the full set, yeah?” and before Zayn could form some sort of coherent answer, he was at the corner of the bar distributing the shots around his cheering band mates and who he assumed was his girlfriend if the way she clung to him was anything to go by.
Zayn sighed and turned back around.
Paul handed him a towel to at least dry his hair off as Zayn handed him a few bills. When he dried everything he could, he gave the towel back to Paul, thanking him and taking his still drenched jacket without putting it on.
When he got out, he patted his jeans for his cigarettes only to find the wet box empty. The drizzle refreshed his hot skin and the cold air helped him sober up as he made his way back to his apartment. What a rollercoaster of a night he had, Zayn couldn’t wait to close his eyes and get some rest. He took a cab home, and was asleep before his head even hit the mattress.
________________
The next time they saw each other was 5 days later. When Zayn was done feeling sorry for himself and looking at all the bad in his life, he started concentrating on the good things like the 10 dollars he found last night under a bookshelf while he was cleaning his apartment. He didn’t know where his wallet was, so 10 dollars would have to do.
Zayn was walking down the street toward his favorite coffee shop, the one he used to frequent during his last years at uni, where he stopped at when he had to wake up before the sun was even out, to get to his job on time. But as time progressed he didn’t have anywhere to go and anywhere to be and he can do whatever he pleased, so he counted that as another good thing too.
Zayn was feeling cheerful – or at least as cheerful as he could before 12 am with less than 4 hours of sleep- when he arrived . The bell by the door chimed as he opened it and he was evolved in warmth and the smell of roasted coffee, and god did Zayn miss this, he felt more awake immediately. There weren’t a lot of people given it was 10:16, so the breakfast rush was over and there was still at least 2 hours until lunch break.
He got in line and read over the chalk written menu by the cashier, deciding on just black coffee and a chocolate muffin. When he got to the front of the line he was expecting to see Mary, the lady that always had Zayn’s coffee ready when he came in and sometimes sneaked him a cookie or two because she was worried Zayn wasn’t eating enough, but instead what he saw was a head full of chestnut curls tied into a bun and eyes that had been haunting Zayn’s dreams.
There was a split second were Zayn thought about running out the store and hiding in his bed again for the next 4 months, but that thought stopped when Harry greeted him.
“Hi welcome to Mary’s café, can I take your order?”
Ok, so he doesn’t remember him, that’s good. Or bad. Zayn can’t decide which one is worse.“Uh, just black coffee and a chocolate muffin please” he tried to look down and hide his face as much as possible.
“It’ll be 4.2- Zayn?” at that he looked up “hey! It’s you! You’re the guy that was at Paul’s the other night!” he smiled as if he was seeing an old friend. How he knew Zayn’s name was beyond him. “Oh, um, you left your wallet on the bar and Paul and I went through it to see if there was a phone we could reach you at but we didn’t find anything so Paul suggested I take it to your house but then I thought that would be really weird, but actually it wouldn’t be cause its written on your ID and---¨
“Harry!” a voice coming from the backroom said. “Stop rambling, you’re going to scare our customers awa- oh my! Zayn!” the voice exclaimed.
It was Mary, she came from behind the counter and pulled Zayn by his cheeks to plant kisses all over his face and then give him a bone crushing hug.
“How you’ve been, darling? You look thin, have you been eating well? Look how long your hair is!” she said and took a few strands of Zayn’s hair between his fingers.
“I’m good Mary, and yes I’ve been eating well. It’s good to see you again; I’ve missed your biscuits” he responded with a smile as they let go of each other.
“I don’t believe anything you say” Mary said still holding Zayn by the shoulders “Harry, get him an American breakfast and tell Rosie to come and manage the front” when Zayn was about to tell her he wasn’t hungry she said “Louis came by on Monday. I know you need it, besides it’s on the house”
At that Zayn was led towards a table in the corner near a window; he turned his face to see Harry’s shocked and confused face as Mary sat him down.
“Look how much you've grown; I’ve not seen you in years. We’ve got some catch up to do.”
Harry shook his head and brought a cup with hot black coffee to his table looking a little nervous.
“Harry this is Zayn, he used to come by every day, he’s like the son I never had” she let out a sigh.
“You do have a son” Harry said confused.
Zayn let out a laugh, it was an old joke between them when someone mistook Zayn for her son and Mary said that she wished he was. Something that got Carlos, Mary’s son, mad at them when Zayn responded he wished he was her son too.
“I know, now go make his breakfast while we chat about what this young man has been up to.”
Harry left and went to the kitchen to get his breakfast ready.
“Louis told me about your job and that you’re in a bit of a funk” She reached for his hand above the table, covering with hers and giving him a sympathetic look.
“Yeah, well who knew design firms had such strict dress codes? I'm glad they let me go, honestly. My co workers where a bunch of assholes anyway” he laughed or tried to, but it sounded more like he was choking.
He wasn't in funk, at least not because he got fired of that shitty job as some pretentious graphic designer’s assistant. It was more that now that he didn't have to go to work, he realized how miserable his life had turned in the last 2 years. He got the job right after uni, with the promise of a promotion as one of the designers of the firm. With that goal in mind, Zayn's life became work oriented. He went to work at 8 in the morning and got home at 6 in the afternoon. Spending as much time as he could in the firm helping out anyone, hoping it would help him get his promotion sooner. Time went by and nothing happened. Zayn was tired and it showed when he started slacking off. He arrived late to work and left earlier, let his hair grow and started to channel his artistic frustration into designing some tattoos, some which he got inked on himself.
But even after all that he was fine and grateful for what he learned, though he wished he wouldn’t have spent all that time there and he explained that to Mary, adding “And I’m fine, honest. You know Louis, always the one for dramatics. Especially now, that Niall finally put a ring on it.” He sipped his too hot coffee; he was not awake enough to have this conversation. He hoped his not-so-subtle change of subject worked and was grateful Mary didn’t press any further.
“Tell me about it! He’s been coming for months to talk about the cake for the wedding and if I could do the catering. I even thought they had gotten married already and hadn’t invited me when he stopped coming for a full month. I’m glad it wasn’t the case and that he is finally tying the knot.”
"Me too, I don't think I could stand more wedding setting photos on my Facebook timeline, though now that I think about it, it will be probably worse."
"Oh yeah it will, judging by what he tells me, he’s planning something big, he doesn't even want me to cater for him anymore, says he prefers to have me as a guest because it will be a lot of pressure on my shoulders!! That silly boy," she said with a fond smile on her face. She was always fond of Louis too, even if he got on her nerves more often than not.
They kept chatting for another 10 min. Mary telling him about Carlos moving out of the country, to work as a restaurant manager and how she doesn't see him anymore but that they talk on Skype daily. And how business has been slower lately with all the big franchises attracting all the customers, and how it’s been harder to make ends meet and that she already plans to give up the business to one of those companies that has been offering a lot of money for her café. She plans to take that money and move with Carlos, so shes going to look for places when she goes to visit him on the holidays.
Just then Harry came out of the kitchen with tray in hand and as he was walking towards their table he nearly tripped on one of the purses of the group of ladies sitting near the counter. Surprisingly nothing fell from its place, and he continued with the task with a smile on his face.
"There you go" he said placing the plate on the table "An American breakfast for the model looking guy on table 8, Rosie's words not mine."
A light blush tinted Zayn’s cheeks at the compliment
"She's wrong though," He said with a very serious face.
Zayn sipped his coffee to hide his disappointment.
"This is table 9." Harry finished with a wink.
Zayn choked on his coffee, dropping some on his white t-shirt.
"Enjoy!" he said before he left to tend the other tables.
When Zayn looked down he saw his wallet next to his plate, and he stuffed it in his pocket, turning around to see Harry halfway across the shop.
"That cheeky little brat, I think hes the only reason i haven't closed the shop sooner, he attracts lots of customers. I see he’s charmed you too," Mary teased him.
Zayn turned around (he didn't notice he was still staring at him) and started stuttering.
"I- what- What do you mean? I wasn't even,"
Mary gave him a disbelieving look.
"Okay I was, but it’s not like I’ve got a chance anyway, he seems to be like that with everyone" Zayn snorts, looking back again to where Harry is charming the pants off of the group women saying something that makes them laugh. He turned back around to see Mary looking at him with an unimpressed face. "What?"
"Those ladies have been flirting with Harry the whole time while Harry eyes you from across the café. Its true that he uses his charm with everyone, that’s what he gets paid for, but I can see you're not just another customer for him. He has been talking all week about that gorgeous guy who left his wallet behind and how he felt you were his Cinderella." the last few words were distorted by her laugh. "That boy is crazy, and you shouldn't fall into his trap, understood?” she wiped a tear from laughing too much “Now eat up or it'll get cold"
"Yes ma'am" he responded still confused by the last statement. So Harry likes him, but he shouldn't get close to him? Maybe it was for the best, after all Mary was always right, well most of the time anyway.
He didn't know how he managed to finish his meal with all the butterflies flying around in his stomach from the shock of Mary’s comment still present in his body.
______________
Zayn came back the next day, and every day the next week. And if he happened to come by when Mary is busy in the back or out, it’s pure coincidence. And also they started texting after Zayn discovered a post it note inside his wallet with Harry’s phone number.
What was it that Mary told him? Oh right, to stay away from him. But it’s not like he was looking to get in a romantic relationship with him. He was not ready yet, he thought. But he found that spending time with Harry was quite nice. Especially now that he had a lot of free time on his hands and his friends were busy with work and wedding stuff.
So Harry's company, even if it was for just a few hours, was more than welcomed even though the time they’d known each other wasn’t long. Sometimes he felt like they were longtime friends with how much they knew and understood each other. It was nice to have someone else to talk to.
__________________________
One Saturday morning, Harry was texting him about an old man that came into the store the day before to buy a cake for his 74th birthday. The man told Harry that this year none of his relatives were able to come visit him and he was spending it alone. So Harry arranged an impromptu birthday party for him with customers and workers taking part in it. They even blew some balloons, got party hats and threw some confetti while singing happy birthday to Phil. Later he sent a few selfies he took with the man.
And no, the swelling he felt in his chest was not because of that, he blamed it on the colder weather and that maybe he was getting the flu or something. Just then his phone rang, it was his mom.
"Hello, Mom"
"Hello, darling, how are you?"
"I’m good, how are you?"
“I’m good, were about to get on the ship, we wish you were here, how's work going?"
“I wish I was there too,” Zayn replied. "Work’s, good."
Well that was a lie, but he didn't need to worry his mother when she was about to get on a cruise ship to the Caribbean with his father and sisters. And since the reason he wasn’t able to go originally was because he was going to be working and had spent all his sick and vacation days already, he couldn’t miss work or he would get fired. Oh the irony.
“Oh listen, were getting in, well call later in the week ok?”
“Yeah ok, have fun. Love you! Say hi to the girls and to baba for me please.”
“I will. Love you Zayn”
He hung up and sat back on the couch. This was his first Christmas without his family, not that it held any religious importance to them, they didn’t actually celebrate it, but it was when they all got to spend time with each other with no school or work, so it sucked that he wasn’t with them. Also none of his friends were going to be in town either, with Louis and Niall going down to Ireland with Niall's family and Liam and Sophia still on vacation on some luxurious beach on their yacht.
Before allowing those thoughts to put him down he went to his little studio he adapted in what once was Louis room, and started painting on a blank canvas. Hours flew by and before Zayn knew it, it was a little past 8 o'clock and he was almost finished with his painting. It was an abstract self-portrait, trying to express his new-found freedom and his resurrection after the slow death that was his job. He added the final touches and cleaned everything up so could get started getting ready for the night. He showered, and dressed quite fast but taking a little longer than usual styling his hair, deciding on putting it on a slicked back ponytail. He ate a quick meal before getting his keys and wallet off the table beside his door and walked out into the night.
__________
By the time he got to Paul’s, it was almost 10. He walked right in and saw Harry and his band mates arranging the instruments so he headed to the bar.
"Hey, Zayn right?" Paul voiced from where he was cleaning the bar.
"Yes, hi," Zayn replied, suddenly feeling shy after remembering the last time he was here he made a comment on how he was drooling over Harry. For real, was he that obvious??
Then Paul handed him what seemed like Jack and coke, just like last time he was here.
"Oh, I was just going to order a beer."
"It’s from that dimpled frog over there," he pointed to someone behind Zayn’s back.
He turned around and saw Harry waving at him with one hand while almost hitting someone with a mic stand he was holding in his other hand. Harry quickly apologized to his band mate. He raised his glass towards him as if to say cheers and took a sip. Harry only smiled in response, showing his dimples before going back to getting the stage ready.
When he turned back to the bar, Paul was giving him a look he didn’t completely understand and ignored looking down at his phone where Louis was texting him the details of his pre-Christmas/birthday party that was going to be held on Monday. He texted back a quick reply and telling him that yes Louis I know that. Yes Louis I remember the 1 gift per celebration rule.
Soon after, the place started filling up with people forming a crowd in front of the stage, while the band did a quick sound check.
"Testing, testing, yes, one two," Harry's voice boomed from the speakers with the sound of guitar chords being played. "Um, goodnight everybody we are 'The Indie Moths'" Zayn snorted. It sounded weird the first time he heard it but now that he knew Harry (sort of), it kind of made sense. “And we'll be playing a few songs for you tonight."
Some cheers and claps could be heard "this first song is called Story of my life" more cheering and more clapping.
By the time they reached their break one hour later, Zayn was halfway through his 2nd Jack and coke. He looked down at his wallet and realized he only had enough money for the taxi to take him back home, so he pouted, but ordered another drink none the less. Fuck his ride home, he had legs. Paul refilled his glass and took the bill Zayn handed him.
"Paul can you give me my tea please? Oh and 4 water bottles please" Harry said when he reached the bar and then turned on his side to face Zayn. "Hey, you came" at the sound of his voice he turned towards Harry.
"Yep, I’m here" he was a little bit tipsy to be honest and trying hard not to embarrass himself again. "On time this time" he giggled. Nice one, Zayn. Now you’ve done it. Harry seemed amused so Zayn didn’t feel that bad.
"Did you enjoy our songs?" Harry asked like an excited kid waiting for approval.
"Yeah, but what is 'Story of my Life' about, I didn’t quite get it?" Why was he asking this? He didn’t know. He didn’t even remember the lyrics of the song so why was he interested in it? "Like, you Spend her love until she's broke inside? What the fuck dude?" Well, looks like he remembers the lyrics after all, thanks brain.
"Well, it’s basically about--" Harry started but was interrupted by Paul.
"Here you go Harry, hurry up, you’re up again in 10," Paul said giving Harry a thermos and 4 water bottles. Harry took the water bottles in one hand and the thermos in the other and then turned to Zayn.
"Your hands are HUGE" Zayn stared at Harry's hands then at his own. Why was Zayn still talking?
"Um thanks?” Harry sounded unsure at the comment and then quickly asked "You’re staying for the rest of our set right?" while his band mates called for him.
"Yep, why not?" Because you’ll keep making a fool of yourself. He shouldn't have bought that other drink.
"Okay, well, see you later then. Enjoy the show," and ran back to where his band mates were sitting beside the stage.
___________
By the time the second half ended, the drink in Zayn’s hand was half finished. This made him a little sad. He had spent his cab money on a drink he wasn't going to finish.
Thanks to not drinking as much as he wanted, he was able to spend the entire set of the gig without a clouded mind which allowed him to concentrate on Harry. It was amazing how he transformed when he got on stage. He was still being Harry but different. More Harry. Harrier. Like if some sort of magic happened and his Harryness was multiplied by 3. It was amazing to watch, like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly (Or a moth?) right before his eyes. Which speaking of, his shirt had a butterfly print. Where did he get his shirts from?
He didn't realize he was staring (again) until Paul broke him out of his thoughts (again).
“What a show right?”
“Yeah” Zayn answered without breaking his stare, watching as the girl from the week before clung to Harry’s arm and kissed his neck. “Is that his girlfriend?” he didn't mean for his voice to sound that strained, but the tightness he felt around his chest was making difficult to control the way his voice sounded. Harry didn't mention having any girlfriends, not that Zayn asked. But still, they had flirted at least eighty percent of the time Zayn came by the café. Not that Zayn cared, he just felt a little betrayed because he thought they were friends and that was something you told your friends right?.
“Pfft, Jenny? No, she wants to, but she’s too needy for Harry.”
Relief washed over him.
Paul must’ve noticed because he then added “Harry has a reputation of always getting a girlfriend just for the winter. Jenny must be this year’s model,” Paul laughed but stopped when he looked at Zayn expression.
Of course he was a player. With that face who wouldn’t be. He bet everyone that met him felt a little bit in love with Harry, Zayn included. But Zayn always fell too fast, too easy. But not this time. This time all he wanted was Harry’s friendship. Nothing else.
"Look, it’s not like he just uses them. He cares about them. But, the thing is Harry wants everything all the time, the kid can’t stand still for more than 5 minutes, and not a lot of people get that. So they leave thinking he doesn’t care. It might not look like it right now, but he cares about you too.”
Zayn started feeling giddy without reason. Well, there was a reason but he was not going to acknowledge it right now. Not when the reason was standing next to him giving him a side hug.
“So, what’s the verdict? Must we expect you back next week? With complimentary drink, of course,” Harry smirked.
“Well, can I just take the complimentary drink and leave?”
Harry pretended to look offended at that.
“No, Zayn, you have to stay the whole show or no drink”
“Hm, well if I have too”
“Thank you, I have to help the guys get everything on the van. But I’ll be back in a second ok?”
“Actually, I think I’m gonna leave now” Zayn pointed with his thumb towards the door of the bar.
Harry’s face fell a little.
“Do you want Paul to get you a cab or something?
“No, its fine I think I’m gonna walk tonight.”
“But isn’t your house by the coffee shop?”
Zayn nodded “Zayn are you crazy? that’s like an hour long walk!” That was an exaggeration but he wasn't going to correct him.
“I know, so I better start walking now.”
“No, just, let me finish things up and we’ll give you a lift.”
“No Harry, its fine, honest.”
“None of that, wait here” and with that Harry turned around and went to help his bandmates.
Ten minutes later he came back and pulled Zayn's hand. “Okay let’s go” and walked towards the backstreet where the van was. They got inside in one of the back seats. “Everyone, this is Zayn. Zayn, this is Matt, Charlie, Justin, and Leondre.” he said while pointing to each of the boys who replied a hello in return.
They started the van and Zayn told them his address. Matt, the drummer and driver of the van, dropped everyone off at their houses leaving Zayn and Harry for last. When they got to Zayn’s building, both Harry and him got out and thanked Matt, waving their hands as he drove away. Zayn was confused on why Harry got out with him.
“You live nearby?”
“Nope, I’m Justin’s flat mate,” Justin was the bassist and the first one they dropped off.
Zayn gaped at him.
“Are you serious? That’s like 100 blocks away. How are you going to get there?” Look who's exaggerating now.
“I was hoping maybe I could spend the night at yours, and tomorrow we could do something fun.” Harry asked nervously.
Okay, so Harry wanted to spend the night here, no big deal. How did Zayn not think of that?
“Oh, um. Yeah that’s, that’s a good idea”
Zayn lead them to his apartment on the 2nd floor putting his keys and wallet on the table by his door. He signaled at Harry to take off his shoes before taking his off and placing them under the coat rack. “Well, I’ll go get some blankets. Bathrooms that way, he said pointing at the bathroom door that was at the end of the little corridor. Zayn went inside his room to get the blankets from his closet, and found he had none.
"Zayn?" Harry was at Zayn’s room doorway. His silhouette the only thing Zayn could make out in the darkness of his room.
"Oh, right" Zayn mentally slapped himself in the forehead "I’ll take the couch. You can sleep on my bed." Zayn walked towards the door which was still occupied by Harry. He towered a little over Zayn and had broader shoulders so he appeared to be older, but really he was 2 years younger than Zayn, making Harry 21 years old. “Um, let me through" he said when Harry didn't move.
"Zayn." Harry pushed at Zayn’s shoulders guiding him back to his bed, making Zayn fall on his back, with Harry landing beside him. He turned to see Harry and saw him pushing his jeans down and taking them off completely. Zayn started panicking; he definitely wasn’t expecting the night to turn out this way. That meant Harry did like him, and even though that made him happy it also made him nervous of what Harry was expecting of him. He heard Harry groaning next to him.
"Zayn, relax. Go to sleep" Harry turned his back towards Zayn and pull the covers of Zayn’s unmade bed over him. Zayn stared at his back, still confused about what had happened. "Sleep. Now"
Sleep. Right. Zayn could do that. He relaxed, nothing had to happen. He stared at the ceiling taking deep breaths to calm his erratic heartbeat. Then got up and followed Harry's lead, taking his socks and jeans off. He got in his bed pulling the covers over him too, leaving as much space between him and Harry as possible.
He was starting to drift to sleep when he heard Harry sigh and move on his side of the bed. When he was about to open his eyes to see what was the problem he felt Harry wrap his limbs around Zayn’s and pull him closer. "Goodnight Zayn" He felt his heart jumping out of his chest. The last person he slept like this with was with Louis when he had the flu, so it felt strange to have another person sleep next to him, let alone on top of him. But this did not have to mean anything, right? Just guys being dudes.
"Goodnight Harry" He wouldn't admit it but the smell of Harry's shampoo was what helped him relax enough to fall fast asleep.
___________
The next morning he woke up to the sound of someone going through his kitchen cabinets. He was confused for a moment as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and took in his room. It was still as messy as Zayn left it last night, but there was an extra pair of jeans and there were stray hairs on the pillow next to him. And that was when he remembered Harry.
Stretching, he got up and went to the bathroom to do his morning routine of brushing his teeth, using the bathroom, and washing his face. Then he went to the kitchen and watched Harry in his underwear. He took a moment to look at him, all pale rosy skin, covered in the most ridiculous yet endearing collection of tattoos Zayn had ever seen. He kept watching as Harry was looking a little exasperated and opening and closing every door in the kitchen. He swears he even opened the window just to close it again.
"What are you doing?" Zayn asked, though it sounded a little distorted by the yawn that escaped his lips.
Harry turned to him, smiling bright and then frowning. "I was planning on making you breakfast, you know, as a way to thank you for letting me crash here last night. Even though I could tell you were a little uncomfortable" he looked sheepish when he said the last part.
"Oh, no. I- I wasn’t uncomfortable at all. I just wasn’t expecting that, is all." he then looked at the ingredients Harry had somehow found. There was a pair of eggs, half a stick of butter and a jar of pickles (he didn’t know how that got there cause it definitely wasn’t his. "Sorry I don’t have much to work with."
"No wonder you eat at Mary’s café almost every day." He looked down at his clock and then said "Hurry up, we've still got time to get to the organic market and get some decent food before 11," Harry then when to Zayn’s room.
Before 11? What time was it? Zayn never got up on Sundays before 12. He was ready to go back to sleep on his bed, but when he got there Harry was already making the bed. "Go shower while I finish this" Harry demanded.
Without understanding why he was listening to him, Zayn went to the bathroom and took a quick shower. When he got back to his room he found it neater than he had seen it in weeks. Harry was nowhere to be seen so he got dressed and went to the living room. There he found Harry admiring one of the first paintings he did when he moved here. He was wearing his skinny jeans from last night but he was wearing a black cotton t-shirt that looked strangely familiar.
"This is great Zayn, do you sell them?" he turned around and saw Pink Floyd logo stretched across Harry’s chest. And if Zayn was being honest, he should be mad at him for stretching one of his favorite shirts, but he couldn’t. Not with the way it enhanced his shoulders and the sleeves wrapped around his biceps. Not with the way it was a little too short that it left a sliver of skin between the shirt and his jeans uncovered. Pale skin sticking out from under black clothes. "I think you should, you could make big money out of these."
Zayn was thankful for the distraction that Harry’s question provided him to stop thinking about that stupid shirt.
"I don’t know, don't think anyone would pay for them you know? “He hoped his answer made sense because honestly he could feel his brain turn to gooey when Harry stared at Zayn with a force that made Zayn feel naked.
"I would pay for it." Harry looked at the painting one last time before turning back around. "To the market we go, come on"
They put their shoes on and left the apartment for the rest of the day. They ended up having breakfast at one diner that was on their way back to Zayn’s apartment. After that, they went to a park that was a few blocks away from Zayn's apartment to played football and Zayn found out Harry was terrible at it. Then they spend their afternoon having an improvised picnic under a big tree.
That night, while Zayn laid on his bed and thought of the day’s events, he couldn’t help but think that maybe he could do this, be just friends with Harry. He felt happy to finally have someone else to spend his time with. He went to sleep with a smile on his face.
__________________
He couldn't be friends with Harry he found out.
Louis birthday party was quite a festivity. He took Harry with him, introducing him to Louis and Niall who just wiggled their eyebrow when Harry wasn't looking. But other than that the night went as flawlessly as it could.
The holidays came and went, with Zayn spending Christmas in his apartment eating pizza and skyping with his family and friends. Texting Harry as he went out of town to visit his mom and sister.
Those few lonely days helped him to finish a few of the paintings he was working on. He had spent most of last week alone in his house, so when Harry called him to ask if he wanted to come to Paul’s bar for New Year’s, he couldn't say yes fast enough. That and he also missed Harry.
They spent New Year’s Eve with Paul and his bandmates drinking and playing board games. And for the next two and a half weeks, Harry stayed at Zayn’s place more often than not, which Zayn didn’t really mind. Especially when Harry made up for any bother he caused by making excellent ("don't you mean eggscellent??" " Shut up Harry") breakfasts. And after that time, they kind of fell into a routine every Sunday: wake up, have breakfast made by Harry, have Harry steal his shirts, and in the afternoon visit some interesting places around the city that Zayn hadn't even heard of, making him feel like a tourist on his own neighborhood.
Three days before Zayn’s birthday, Harry met someone that owns a new art gallery nearby and talked to them about his Friend Zayn who’s got a lot of talent and was recently unemployed. They made an appointment for an interview and Harry called Zayn telling him the news. Zayn literally jumped out of his seat and did a mini dance after thanking Harry of course. That night they went out to celebrate and eat some hot dogs downtown.
When they were walking back to Zayn’s apartment they saw a guy with and undercut walk by them and Harry followed him with his eyes, Zayn noticed and looked at the guy too and frowned.
"Do you know him?" Zayn doesn’t want to sound jealous of a bypasser, but he kind of is.
Harry turned around with a confused face.
"What? No! I was just thinking, you'd look good with a haircut like that, you know." they started walking again.
“Really? You think so?" Zayn grabbed a strand that had come out of the half ponytail he was wearing, twisting it between his fingers. “I don’t know"
"It’s a great idea, you've been complaining about wanting to cut it for weeks."
Well that was true, but he never planned on doing anything about it.
"Well, it will have to wait, I’m running short of money and I need to save as much as possible."
Harry stopped in his tracks, Zayn turned to watch him. "What?"
Harry’s eyes widened and smiled wide like the Cheshire cat "I’ve got an idea."
_________________
And that’s how they found themselves an hour later in Zayn’s bathtub, Zayn sitting inside and Harry behind him sitting on the edge.
"Are you sure you know how to do this?" Zayn asked a little unsure.
"Totally, my neighbor Lou is a stylist and she's taught me how to cut hair lots of times." Harry combed through Zayn’s wet hair, tying the top to get it out of the way. "Okay, all set. Are you ready?"
Zayn took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "Snip away". As soon as he said that he felt the first cut Harry made, and he could almost feel Harry’s excitement oozing from him.
______
"Okay. One. Two. Three. You can open your eyes" Zayn did as told and examined himself in the mirror. "Do you like it?" Harry asked from where he was behind Zayn.
"Um" he turned his head from side to side to see Harry’s work. His top part was still on a bun, and the rest of his hair looked like it was bitten off by a donkey. "It’s...” he saw Harry’s smile fall and his lower lip start to tremble. "Yeah, looks sick babe, thanks," he turned around to give Harry a hug.
"Really?" Harry sniffed against his shoulder.
"Yeah babes, loves it" at that Harry let out a little laugh. And they let go of each other.
"Okay then, I’ll go make us some tea." Harry turned to leave to bathroom. Then turned to Zayn who was still standing in front of the mirror "You coming?"
"Yeah, in a minute I’m going to wash my hands first" as soon as Harry left he came closer to the mirror lo look at his hair. "Fuck" he whispered pulling at the uneven strands of hair. Looks like he’s going to have to go to the hair salon after all.
________
The next day, while Harry went to work, Zayn went to the barber to get his hair fixed. When Harry saw it he says "was it that bad?"
"No, no, i just wanted a little shorter at the sides, that’s all" Harry gives him a look that says I don’t believe you. He sighs. "Sorry babes, you can't cut hair for shit."
Harry looks offended for a second but then laughs “I know, but you wouldn't have done it otherwise," he smirked.
"You’re probably right" He pulled Harry into a hug “Thanks Haz."
"That’s what friends are for" And those words hurt more and anything else. Friends.
__________________
For Zayn’s birthday they all went to Paul's to celebrate and Niall brought him a cake and everyone was happy. They had a few (read a lot) drinks and Harry's band played a few songs. His family skyped him and congratulated him. All in all, it was a really good birthday.
Zayn had his interview a few days later and he was a ball of nerves. Harry tried to make him relax and meditate but to no avail. Instead he perched himself at the window and smoked, and Harry only glared at him from the other side of the room.
Zayn only side eyed him in return.
"You can leave you know," he said while puffing out smoke. He didn’t mean to be rude, but that’s his coping mechanism when he’s under stress, he hoped Harry gets it.
Harry snorts, "Yeah, and have you miss your interview no way," he crossed his arms and kept glaring.
Two hours later they were walking out of the gallery with smiles on both their faces and a good feeling in their chests.
On the following Monday he got the call and was asked to report as soon as possible. The next day Zayn went to the gallery to sign his contract and start working. He couldn't have been happier.
______________
The feeling of domesticity became too present to ignore. Both of them waking up at sunrise Harry making breakfast while Zayn gets ready to go to work. Coming home at 5, have dinner together, maybe going out. Come back, sleep, repeat.
So Zayn found it weird that two weeks later Harry was spending less and less time at Zayn’s house. Zayn wanted to say something, ask him what was wrong, but he also knew he probably missed his house and he is in all his right to leave whenever he pleases. Zayn let it pass, thought sooner or later Harry would be back to normal, but when he kept waking up at night to find the other side of his bed cold and empty, he couldn’t help but wonder what went wrong, if Zayn had done something to offend him. And then those feelingS turned to anger. He knew this would happen, Harry wasn't meant to hang around guys like Zayn. Much less fall in love. And yes, he knew it was probably stupid to finally admit that he was in love with Harry, right when he wasn't with him. He felt like such a fool right now, he let in an almost complete stranger into his house, into his life and as cheesy as he sounds, into his heart. Just for him to use it as he pleased and leave Zayn alone again.
He stayed up for more time that he would like, and when he woke up he felt like shit. He toasted two slices of bread for breakfast (the one with 8 grains Harry said was healthier), and went to work (to the job Harry got him). It’s like the universe was on a mission to show him all the good things Harry had done for him, and when he got home after work he felt less angry at Harry and more worried about the status of their friendship. He didn’t see Harry the rest of the day, and he still felt like shit, so he texted him.
Z:Are you coming by tonight?
H:I don’t think so; I’m on rehearsal with the moths
Z:Oh, okay! Say hi to them. Goodnight H
H:Goodnight Z xx
Did those Xx mean he wasn't mad at Zayn or? Damn he hoped so. He called Louis the next day and told him what happened to which Louis responded with an exasperated sigh.
"What?" asked Zayn?
"When are you going to stop pretending you don't want to kiss each other’s faces every time you two are together?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Zayn, you don’t fool me. You’re so smitten over Harry it’s almost disgusting and Harry is so head over heels for you everyone within a mile can see it" Zayn was about to defend himself when Louis said "Don’t even dare to try and lie to me Malik, I know you better than anyone else"
That was true.
"Well yeah, I guess I kind of like Harry" Louis snorted "okay, I really like him, but he doesn't like me back okay? I’m just a friend to him"
"Well you're just a friend to him because you don’t seem to get your shit together and solve whatever emotional fears you have."
"What do you want me to do?"
"I want you to do what you want for once, stop worrying about what everyone else will think and take the risk. Ask him out, confess your love or just fucking kiss him and get this over with. You have nothing to lose and a lot to gain, so I just say go for it."
"I don't know." Zayn looks down at his watch.
"No excuses now, he broke up with that Jenny a month ago right?" Louis commented “Nothing to stop you now, except yourself"
Determined, Zayn answered "You’re right." He started thinking. He knew Harry had a gig at Paul’s in two hours "He’s playing in a couple of hours at the bar, he’s celebrating his birthday, can you take me?"
"Are you going to confess your love at one of his gigs, where everyone can see?? That’s the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard and I love it. I’ll pick you up in an hour. Dress to Impress Malik."
"Yeah, thanks Tommo. You are the best friend I could ask for."
"Now, now Zayn, no need to get emotional right now, go get ready lover boy" And with the he hung up.
_________
They got there when there was 15 minutes until the first set started Zayn had not been to one of Harry’s gigs in two weeks due to the official opening of the gallery and an art show Zayn was asked to organize. When they went in they went immediately to the bar. When Paul saw them he smiled and came close to them.
"Zayn, man. I've missed you. What brings you guys here?"
"Zayn is finally going to confess his undying love to that baby Mick over there" he pointed to where the band was arranging their instruments. He didn’t see Harry, he must be taking more things out of the van. They turned back to face Paul.
"It was about damn fucking time." Paul looked at his face "you look like you’re going to pass out.do you want me to give you some liquid courage?" Before Zayn could answer he took a shot glass from under the counter and filled it with what looked like tequila. He sure could use one right now.
Zayn knocked it back and winced at the burn. As he slammed the glass on the bar Paul refilled it. "Two for good measure," he knocked one back too.
"Thanks," he clapped Paul on the shoulder and took a deep breath. "Woo," he shook his body, breaking out the tension. He looked at both of them. "Let’s do this."
"There’s a good lad" said Louis patting him in the back
He turned around and walked towards where the band was finishing setting up, when he got close he noticed Harry wasn’t with them yet so he asked where he was and they told him he went back to the van for some cables. And just then he turned towards the back door, and he saw him. He was so ready for this, until he saw her. Jenny. They were laughing and walking side by side, their hair a little tussled both of them sporting pink cheeks. Zayn’s heart fell to the floor, and he felt every step Harry took like a stomp on it.
When he looked up and locked eyes with Zayn his face sobered up. Jenny noticed this and followed Harry’s face, her expression turning neutral also.
"Zayn, I thought you weren’t going to come? Didn’t you have that art event at the gallery?" He had but he called and told them he had a personal issue he had to address and couldn’t be there tonight.
"Yeah, I- I wanted to see you," His voice sounded so distant, he hadn't recognized it at first.
Harry turned to Jenny and then back to Zayn, taking a step closer "Well, what is it?"
He couldn't confess his love now could he? He would only make an ass of himself so he thought of something quickly and responded "I wanted to know when you were going to pick up the shit you left in my apartment.” As soon as the words left his lips he saw shock cloud over the other two faces. Well, that wasn’t what he wanted to say at all. After a few seconds, Harry recovered.
“Um, I can stop by Friday afternoon is that alright?" his voice sounded distant too.
"Good, well I gotta go now. Work. Yeah. See you on Friday then. Oh and happy birthday.“ He didn’t wait for Harry to answer and walked, and didn’t even stop to say bye to Paul, he didn’t stop at the door, he just stopped when he reached Louis car, waiting for him for a few minutes. Louis gave him a sad look and they got in the car and went to Louis place.
There, Louis and Niall cuddled him and gave him all the chocolate and ice cream they had as he let himself cry for the first time in a long time.
"I’m sorry Zayn."
"I’m so stupid, I-" he broke out sobbing again.
"Hey, it was probably a misunderstanding" Niall tried, but sounded like he didn’t believe what he was saying either.
"I should have listened to Mary, she told me he was no good and I didn’t believe her."
"Oh, Love. It’s okay. His loss anyway."
Zayn wanted to believe them, but he felt like the one that had lost the most was him.
They fell asleep like that, Zayn between them on their bed. The feeling of his cell phone vibrating woke him. He tried to ignore it but it kept vibrating. He checked it: 2 messages, both from Harry. Zayn wanted to ignore them but he’s not that strong so he opens them.
H:Zayn, I’m outside open the door please.
H:Zayn, I found your spare key. I’m coming in.
Zayn was going to put away his phone again when another message came in.
H:Where r u? I need to talk to u. Paul told me what u wanted to do tonight. Pls let me explain.
And then another.
H:Please
He went back to sleep
______
The next day he spent in bed again, but in his own bed. One of Harry’s sheer shirts haunting him on his nightstand. He grabbed it and threw it as far as he could, the shirt ended up bunched up on the floor at the other side of the room.
The week went by pretty uneventfully. Zayn went to work. Came back, visits Mary when he knows Harry won’t be there and wallows in self-pity. Again.
Friday comes and Zayn doesn’t know if he’s ready to face this. The doorbell rings. He opened the door and found Harry standing, looking tired with bags under his eyes.
"Hi" he gave a weak smile.
"Hey" Zayn said as he moved to the side to let Harry in.
"So, how you've been" Harry tried.
"Your stuff's in that box over there." Zayn pointed to a box in the corner.
"Look, Zayn just. Hear me out. Please"
"Take your stuff and leave," Zayn said firmly as tears started collecting in the corners of his eyes.
"No!" Harry shouted. Startling both of them. "Not until you hear me out" he breathed heavily. When Zayn made a gesture for him to go ahead he took a deep breath. "Look, I love you ok? Since that first time I saw you at the bar, completely drenched down to your toes. Your hair sticking to your head in the most unsexy way, but god, you pulled it off better than anyone could, and I knew then I wanted you. So when I saw you again at the coffee shop, I thought it was fate, we belonged together and as we spent more time together I realized this was it. I had found my person, and for a moment I thought you felt that too. But you never made a move and I started doubting it was all in my head, so I pulled back to see things in perspective. And you know what I discovered?"
Zayn, too astonished to even blink, shakes his head no.
"That I fucking love you, and I need you and I missed you."
"Then why didn’t you come back?”
"CAUSE YOU NEVER ASKED ME TO!" Harry exhaled. "You never asked me to, so I thought you didn’t need me like I needed you."
"I didn’t ask because I thought you were looking for time for yourself. For a moment I thought you got tired of me." the last part Zayn said under his breath, but Harry heard him just fine.
"I could never get tired of you, in fact, the more I spend time with you the more I want you. Waking up beside you is one of the best moments of my day. And I miss that. I miss us. Even if there wasn’t any type of romance between us. I miss what we had.
"Then why did you kiss Jenny? I thought that ended weeks ago." Harry blushed.
"Yes we broke up a month ago, but we're still friends. We didn’t kiss."
"Then what were you doing that day at the bar?" Harry got even more red at the cheeks.
"I... My head got stuck in a bucket and Jenny help me get it out"
That story read bullshit all over, but it was Harry so everything was possible.
“She’s going through a rough time so I thought I might help her cheer up by pretending I was a robot, it worked"
"Really?" Zayn wanted to believe him so bad.
“Yeah she laughed a lot when I couldn’t get it out”
“No, I meant, do you really mean that? That you love me and all those things you said”
"Oh, that. Yeah, all real” Harry grinned. “True story bro."
"Ugh shut up."
"So, can we be friends again?"
"Well, since you've pretty much confessed your love for me and you know I was planning on doing the same thing the other day, I don’t think I can go back to being friends."
"Yes, I mean, no me neither." Zayn got closer and Harry’s eyes drifted to his lips. “Do you want to be my boyfriend? The way he whispered it felt so intimate and so perfect for them, for this moment. Zayn responded by planting his lips against Harry’s. Harry’s lips were a little chapped, but sweet and Zayn wondered why he waited so long to do it. They parted and looked at each other’s eyes and then kissed again. And again. And again.
________
Zayn woke up to the feeling of kisses being pressed on the back of his neck.
"Zayn love, wake up"
Zayn’s eyes fluttered open and turned to look at Harry. He was holding a teddy bear and some brushes with a bow on them. Zayn looked at Harry again.
"Good morning babe. Happy Valentines."
Zayn smiled, god he loved Harry. But he kind of loved sleeping too so...
"Come on, wake up" Harry shook him.
"No” Zayn closed his eyes again
"Zayn come on, carpe diem. It’s our first Valentine’s Day together."
"I know, there will be more to celebrate babe, now let me sleep," Harry smiled at the implication of more valentines together.
"No, Zaaaaayn. I made you pancakes. Come on" he pulled at Zayn’s arms moving him an inch. Then Zayn pulled him towards him.
"I have a better plan. Let’s stay in bed all day" Zayn wiggled his eyebrows suggestively
"Really!?"
"Yeah, now come on babe. Get inside" he lifted the covers to make room for Harry who laid down next to Zayn and covered them both. They were lying face to face.
"OK, what did you have in mind?" Harry asked while hurriedly taking off his shirt.
"Sleep" Harry’s smile fell.
"Are you serious?"
"No, I’m Zayn." Harry’s humor was contagious "Now sleep."
Harry stared at him, waiting to see if it was some sort of prank but soon after Zayn let out some little snores before changing position. So Harry gave up and went to sleep again. And that’s how they spent their first Valentine’s Day as a couple, sleeping the day away and Zayn couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate it.