Chapter Text
Cause I Clutched Your Arms like Stairway Railings
Sarah had settled into a routine in the coming months of her double residency. So much that she was able to perform a magic trick. She was able to pack the worms back in the can and close it tight. With Connor’s help, she moved fully into his apartment and was able to settle into a routine living with him. She only broached the subject of the can of worms once.
They had been on their way to work. Her first day back at Med as a resident (with Dr. Charles) and she had decided to ask him while he was driving, so he wouldn’t be able to look at her. Looking out the window, she asked as nonchalantly as she could, “What are you going to do when you meet someone?”
“What do you mean?” He sounded confused. Sarah bit her lip, risking a glance at him. Then it was back to the Chicago traffic as she swallowed the ball that had appeared in her throat. At the thought of Connor, someone who had quickly become a fixture in her life, just disappearing as easy as a simple snap of fingers.
“When you meet someone you want to date, what are you going to do?” She asked the question again, hoping that she sounded normal and calm to her own ears, despite feeling anything but.
“I don’t think I’m going to. Meet someone I mean.” Her heart leaped in her chest, “You’re not going to.”
Her heart deflated a little, “Yeah, but that’s my choice. I didn’t...don’t want to date anymore. You...you just wanted someone you trust to make medical decisions when you can’t. Even though we’re married, you could still meet someone.”
He laughed then, “Yeah, but can imagine how that would go? I bring this person back to our apartment and introduced you? This is Sarah, we’re not together, but she’s legally my wife.”
Sarah bit her cheek. Why did that answer hurt so much? Why did it feel like he had just effectively run over her heart with the very car he was driving? When she was sure her voice wasn’t going to give her away, she spoke again, “But it might happen.”
There was a pause, before he spoke again, a sigh on his lips. “It might. Then I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. But I really don’t see it happening any time soon.”
Was it not going to happen because he didn’t want it to happen or because she complicated things for him?
She felt him reach out to grab her hand before he squeezed it gently. “You’re not getting rid of me that easy Sarah.”
But it was fine. It was fine because she had put the worms back in the can and had closed the lid tight after that conversation. Because if she was only going to get Connor for a short time? Then she was going to enjoy the time she did have with him.
Of course, it would be seeing Connor interact with a woman she didn’t know that would bring the reality of her marriage crashing back to her and the conversation that they had a few months back.
“Told you they were mine,” she heard Connor say as she approached them. They still had five minutes before their shift and Connor had said he’d go on ahead to get their coffees when Maggie pulled her aside to discuss a patient. Or Maggie acting as a go-between, so Detective Lindsay could talk to her.
“I’m sorry about him. He doesn’t share very well,” Sarah said, plunking her coffee out of his hand.
“It’s okay,” the woman laughed, (Dr. Charles’ daughter, Sarah’s mind supplied) as she accepted her own coffee-double iced latte with one pump of sugar-free vanilla-the same as Connor’s Sarah noticed. “I did try to steal his coffee. Vanilla is a little dainty for a surgeon though isn’t it?”
“Okay,” Connor said and she could hear the eye roll in his tone, “What are the odds we would have the same exact coffee order?”
She watched as the doctor went through the statistics and came up with a number while putting a straw in her drink. A weird twisting feeling settled over her stomach as she watched them. (Though she didn't know it was from them. Sarah was chalking it up to lingering nausea from the conversation she just had)
“So you’re good with numbers.” Connor mused as the female Dr. Charles turned back to them.
“Oh, epidemiology…okay that makes sense.” The realization dawned on Connor as he read her coat. “Wait. Charles…are you?”
“I’ll see you later,” Sarah watched as the other woman cut him off. Then she smiled at Sarah and walked off in the direction of the elevators.
“And yes, she is Dr. Charles’s daughter. She was in the ED the other day and Mrs. Goodwin introduced her,” Sarah told him, taking another drink from her coffee cup, the feeling letting up a little. “I think she was also trying to flirt with you.”
By the way, Connor rolled his eyes, she knew he didn’t believe her. They started off to find their own elevator. As they waited, he asked what Maggie had wanted to talk to her about
Sarah looked away. She didn’t want to tell him because he’d just look at her all soft and sad. If only her husband wasn’t that persistent.
“Sarah,” he said. She sighed softly.
“It wasn’t Maggie actually. It was Detective Lindsay. Will’s brother’s partner?” She mumbled softly, her fingers fidgeting against her coffee cup. “They found Danny. They found his body.”
She heard Connor swear softly before he was looking at her with those soft and sad eyes she didn’t want. An elevator arrived and they stepped into it.
“I’m fine. It’s not a big deal. It’s fine.” She told him as she hit the buttons for the cardiology and the psychiatric wards. It wasn’t fine and she wasn’t even remotely okay. But she needed him to believe she was okay.
“It’s not.” He countered with a frown. The elevator stopped at his floor first. Her husband sighed, turning back to face, “But I’ll let you be ‘fine’ for now. I’m only a page away if you need me though.”
Then he stepped off the elevator, “I’ll bring you lunch a little while later and check on you.”
“Connor, you don’t-”
“Sarah, we've had this bickerment for months now. As your best friend and your husband, it’s my job to help you take care of yourself. Besides, I saw you eat only two granola bars for breakfast. You can’t last all day on that.”
The doors of the elevator closed once more, stopping whatever she was going to say next. Sarah sighed leaning her head against the cool metal. She was glad she hadn’t told him everything about working on Danny’s case. If she had, Connor probably wouldn’t have left her. Instead, he would’ve insisted that they take a personal day, he was a good best friend and annoying (platonic) husband like that.
Sarah had been right about Robin Charles. She had been flirting with Connor and how did Sarah know all of this? Because Dr. Charles’ daughter had cornered her a month later, after a shift in the ED, while she had been waiting for Connor to get done in Cardiology.
“Hey, it’s Reese right?” Robin smiled at her. Reese smiled back and nodded, though hers was a little dimmer. She had a voicemail from her mom waiting for her and when her mother called her, it was never good. Usually, it was so her mother could ask her about her life and then belittle her choices. Like not answering the phone when she called.
“You’re one of my father’s residents right?”
“Half of the time. The other half I’m one of the ED’s residents.” Sarah explained, then watched as Robin exhaled, looking impressed.
“A double residency? And it’s your first year? How are you keeping your head afloat?”
“Very carefully with the help of your dad and my friends in ED,” Sarah told her. She didn’t actually laugh, but you could hear the laughter in her voice.
“Speaking of your friends, I tried to avoid asking you this potentially awkward question, but everyone else I asked could never give me a real answer.” Robin gave her a tight smile that looked like she was in pain more than anything, “You and Connor…Are you together ?”
Sarah merely blinked at her, not yet processing the words. Robin took that as a cue to explain further, “I just…I like him. And I see you together all the time before and after shift and sometimes during shift. So if you two are a couple, then I don't want to get in between that and when I asked around, I got a bunch of different answers.”
Connor’s words rang out in her head, “Then I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
“No, we’re not together. He’s just my best friend and roommate.” ( And your husband, a voice taunted her.) The twisting feeling was back, and it clutched at Sarah’s insides more tightly than before as she spoke in a hollow voice. The epidemiologist didn’t appear to notice the change in Sarah’s voice, but that was probably because the other woman didn’t know her that well.
“What’s that?” Connor asked, having already gone through his portion of the mail that had been delivered that day. He peered over her shoulder to look at the envelope she was holding.
“An invite to my high school reunion.” At his look of confusion, because she knew he was doing the math, she clarified for him, “I graduated a year early.”
“Overachiever,” he teased her and Sarah rolled her eyes, “More like, I was sick and tired of high school and wanted out of there as fast as I could. Plus, I got out of being salutatorian for my original graduating class.”
“What? I hate public speaking!” She swatted at him when he started laughing. Still chuckling he asked, “So is it going to be a suit and tie type of reunion or do you want me to get my tux dry-cleaned?”
“What?” Sarah asked as she with a nonplussed look.
“Suit or tux?”
“You want to go?”
Connor shrugged, “You went with me to the charity gala my dad hosted last week. It seems only fair.”
“That’s different.”
“How so?”
“Because I knew that by marrying you, I’d probably have to go to those kinds of events. Plus the last event got cut short for us and Dr. Choi let me pet the panda while it was sleeping...and besides that, I really don’t want to go.” Sarah admitted with a shrug.
“Why not?”
Sarah sighed, looking at the envelope instead of her best friend. “The year before I graduated, I emancipated myself from my mother, which was awful by itself. But everyone at school found out about it and I wasn’t…”
She trailed off wondering how to phrase what she wanted to say, “I wasn’t the most popular, to begin with-the quiet emo girl-and well, it only got worse with my emancipation.”
Connor had no problems seeing that. Around him, ( Now. After they were married. ) Sarah was sarcastic, and chatty was not the right word, but she wasn’t the quiet med-student she had been on his first day either. She had no problems talking to him anymore. Around other people though? With the exception of a few people down in the ED, she was still quiet. It made sense that Sarah would be that way in high school.
And the thought of Sarah, his best friend, his wife having to go through that? It brought out Connor’s protective side as well as his petty side on Sarah’s behalf, “All the more reason for us to go. You can rub their noses in how you are a successful, rich doctor with a good-looking doting husband, who is also a doctor!”
Sarah blinked at him, looking confused.
“What? I can be doting.”
“I'm not rich though.” She told him and Connor smiled at her. It was somewhere between a sheepish smile and a rich boy smirk.
“Technically, even though I don't advertise it, by marrying me, you are rich now.” He pointed out, watching as she rolled her eyes, “That’s your money though, Connor.”
Now it was Connor’s turn to roll his eyes as he stood to start making dinner for them. He pressed a kiss to her hair, “We never signed a prenup, my dear wife. Nor do I want one. You’re my wife-”
“Platonic wife,” Sarah interrupted him, wearing a bewildered expression.
“-What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine.” He continued as if he didn’t hear her. “So you are rich.”
“Are you using Rhodes?” Connor asked after dinner when he saw her filling out the RSVP card. She checked the plus one box, before turning to face him. She gave a sarcastic grin and spoke almost robotically with a cherry tone. “Why yes, doting husband . If we want people to think our platonic marriage is real then I should probably take your name that weekend.”
“Our marriage is real,” Connor muttered, but it was so low that Sarah didn’t seem to hear him. Instead, she told him she was going to bed.