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You Could Still See the Best in Me
“You really don’t have to do this,” Sarah repeated those words for the third time since they had arrived at her apartment armed with boxes and tape.
“And where exactly are you going to live when your lease is up?” Connor glanced back at her with an eyebrow raised. She said nothing in response, instead choosing to glare at him. Connor smirked at her while he stood up, two boxes in his hands.
“Don’t be the ass that Dr. Halstead assumes you are, Rhodes.” She told him sarcastically. He laughed as he passed by her to take the boxes out to his jeep. “I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t have to, your face was loud enough.”
She was packing up another box when he came back. Medical Textbooks the box was marked in her neat penmanship and yeah, he should’ve packed those up.
“Do you think I made a mistake?” She asked. When Connor didn’t respond, Sarah clarified it for him, “Quitting Pathology. Did I make a mistake?”
“Do you feel like you made a mistake?” Connor asked, crouching down to help her.
“I-” she started then stopped, cutting herself off with a sigh as she shook her head. She grew silent then. Connor let her be, letting her gather her thoughts. It was only he returned from taking that box to his Jeep, that she spoke again.
Her words were quiet as she attempted to fold her lab coat. Really, she was just running her fingers over her name stitched into the white fabric. “I think I did make a mistake, but it wasn’t quitting pathology. I made a mistake when I chose Pathology in the first place. It was after a bad day in the ED and I chose my safety net instead of taking the risk and choosing emergency medicine and just like that, it’s gone. My one shot at being a doctor.”
“It’s not gone. You’ll find another residency. You were at the top of your class. They won’t just not consider that. And you did well in your ED rotation.”
Though she appreciated it, Sarah rolled her eyes at his attempt to make her feel better. She scoffed. “And they won’t just not consider that I quit pathology before I even started my residency.”
“You know, sometimes I miss when you weren’t this sarcastic.” He said because he knew, after having a few talks about this in the last two weeks they were away, that there was no reasoning with her when she got like this.
“I was always this sarcastic. You just didn’t hear it because I was a medical student and terrified of failing my ED rotation.”
“And now?” Connor asked as she bent down to pack up another box of books. These, though, were of the non-medical variety.
“And now you’ve married me and somehow become my best friend in the process. So now you get my sarcastic commentary for free.” Somehow she had become his best friend through all of this too. It had been a while since he had one of those.
An hour later, Connor stood up as Sarah finished packing a suitcase of her clothes.
“We should probably stop for the night. We still have to unload everything we have in the car too. We can come back for the rest later.” He said. Sarah nodded, standing with the suitcase that Connor took from her with a small protest.
“Are you nervous?” Sarah asked while he climbed into the vehicle after he made sure everything was strapped down.
“About?” He asked, pulling into traffic.
“Starting your cardiothoracic fellowship,”
“It’ll definitely be weird walking into Med without Downey there.” He admitted to her. It had only been two weeks, yet those two weeks felt both a lifetime away and time had sped up all in one.
“It’ll be hard. But if anyone can do it, it’s you. It’ll be weird not walking into Med at all.” Sarah said, trying to pull his attention when she noticed how far away he looked. Then she jokingly said, “At least I’ll have unpacking to keep me busy since I don’t have a job and my husband will be at work.”
“How very 1950s of you,” Connor snorted, before a thought entered his mind, “Should we be concerned with how casually we bring up our marriage, considering the circumstances of it and how it came to be?”
“Probably, but I think we’re past that considering you’re moving me into your apartment and we just came back from a trip together that most husbands and wives would consider a honeymoon.” Well, when it was put like that.
By the time they arrived back at his apartment and unloaded the boxes they had brought with them from Sarah’s place, it was going on nine. “You want to order dinner? We can order from that burger place that makes that veggie burger you like so much.”
He looked up from where he was rummaging through take-out menus and saw her starting to sort through her boxes.
“Sarah, you can do that tomorrow. Come help me pick out dinner.”
“A veggie burger is good and I’m not unpacking. I’m looking for something to sleep in later. All of my stuff is dirty and smells like the ocean.”
“Just go get something from my room. Button downs are in my closet and the top right drawer of my dresser is T-shirts and just below it is where I keep my shorts.” He said before he turned around to find his phone so he could place their order. Sarah looked up at him with her eyes widened slightly. If anyone had been listening to their conversation, they sounded like an actual couple. They weren’t though. Connor Rhodes may be her husband, but there was no way he thought of her like that. Of that Sarah was sure.
“How’d you sleep? Any better now that you have your pillow?” Connor asked when he saw the blur of what resembled Sarah the next morning. She might’ve said something with actual words, but all he heard was an affirmative grunt and it made him grin. In the past few weeks, Connor had learned his new wife was decidedly not a morning person. At least until she had her morning coffee, which he had ready and waiting for her. He watched as she took a seat, pushing her mane of hair, which coincidentally resembled a lion’s mane, out of her eyes. His button-down she wore swallowed her and made her look smaller. He pushed her coffee mug toward her.
“Thank you,” she yawned out when the smell of coffee wafted over her. She took a long pull from the cup before she noticed the time ticking on the oven, “Aren’t you supposed to be gone by now? You don’t want to make a bad impression on your new attending.”
“I’m fixing to leave,” Connor chuckled as he picked up his messenger bag and slung it over his shoulder. He shook his head as he continued to jokingly grumble, “Only been married for about a month and you’re already rushing me out of the door? Guess the honeymoon’s over huh?”
“Go to work, so I can start unpacking.” She tried playfully tried to shove him in the direction of the door, but he ducked just out of her reach.
“There’s a bagel in the toaster oven for you. Have a good day dear,” He laughed, and then he was gone. Sarah looked up at the ceiling. Not for the first time did she wonder, what she had gotten into by marrying him.
Connor had just sat down with his lunch and was texting Sarah about his encounter with Latham and her unpacking when Dr. Charles approached him.
“Dr. Rhodes, welcome back. I was wondering if I might have a word?” The older man asked kindly. Connor set his phone down, waving a hand towards the seat across from him as he opened his taco salad. He had expected this. He was a little surprised the psychiatrist hadn’t tried to find him sooner. Or that he hadn’t been waiting for him when he arrived this morning. Sharon had already checked in on him before he had met Dr. Latham.
“How are things with you? I hope your personal days were as good as to be expected, given the circumstances?” He asked and Connor nodded.
“And you’re adjusting back okay?”
“Yes, Dr. Charles I’m doing alright,” Connor told the other doctor. Dr. Charles nodded back. “Good. Good. I’m glad.”
There was a pause and then the psychiatrist spoke again. “So listen, I have an ulterior motive for seeking you out.”
“Oh? What’s that?” Connor asked.
“I want to see how you think your better half would feel about coming back under my instruction, after her departure from Pathology. Do you think she’d be open to it?”
“I’m not…” He was about to say he wasn’t married. But he was and Dr. Charles knew that and that it was to Sarah. “How do you know I’m married? And who I’m married to? We haven’t gone public with that information yet.”
The older doctor smiled sheepishly as he shrugged his shoulders, “I might’ve looked into her file after she told me she quit Pathology. I saw it had been updated. So I thought I’d get your opinion before I offer it to her.”
“Sarah wants to treat patients,” Connor said finally.
“As a psychiatrist, she would be.”
“I can’t speak for her Dr. Charles. You’ll have to call and talk to her but she wants to deal with patients and she needs people who believe in her.”
“And you do-believe in her that is? Because I believe that she has makings of an excellent psychiatrist.” His tone wasn’t unkind but filled with a prying curiosity that only a shink could have. Wiping his mouth with a napkin, Connor smirked, “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have married her in the first place. She has the makings of an excellent doctor. No matter what field. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a surgery I have to prep for.”
Sarah approached Med slowly, still unsure why she was here. All Dr. Charles had said is that he wanted to have a chat, and from what she knew about Daniel Charles? That could mean anything.
“Dr. Rhodes!” A voice called and Sarah went to look for Connor. Before she remembered he was in surgery so there was no way he could be around. Instead, she saw Daniel Charles waving at her. A bright smile on his face. Oh. He was calling her...by her married name. (Was it sad that after a month of being married she still didn’t know if it was Reese or Rhodes?) She continued walking, accepting his hand when she reached him.
“Still not used to the name change, my dear?”
At her look of confusion, Daniel Charles chuckled slightly, “I saw you look for him before you realized, I was calling you.”
“In my defense, it’s only been a month. It’s still new.” She laughed too, though hers was more nervous.
“Might we go inside so we can have a chat, Dr. Rhodes?”
“Technically, it’s not Doctor anymore. It would be Mrs.” Mrs. Rhodes. And yeah, she wasn’t sure why flutters erupted in her stomach at how right that name sounded to Sarah.
“We’ll just have to see about that won’t we?”
Sarah could only blink as she stared at both the head of the hospital and the head of psychiatry. Her mouth was not quite up to forming words just yet.
“Dr. Rhodes?” Dr. Charles asked. Ironically, it was that name that snapped her out of it.
“You’re offering me another residency here?” She finally managed and both of her former superiors nodded.
“In psychiatry?” Another nod.
“The thing is, is that I don’t think I’m right for psychiatry.” She started.
“On the contrary, you’re bright. Thoughtful, and-”
“I’m awkward and my bedside manner is lacking. And don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful but I don’t know how to talk to people, get them to open up.”
“Dr. Rhodes,” Dr. Charles sat in front of her, “All I’m asking is that you spend the day with me tomorrow, See what good you could do, at least before you say yes or no.”
She was about to refuse again when a thought occurred to her.“If I were to say yes, would there be a way to do a double residency?”
“It would depend on the department, but I think we could work something out. What were you thinking would be your second residency?” Ms. Goodwin inquired.
“Emergency Medicine.”
“I’d have to have a conversation with Dr. Stohl and Dr. Halstead, but I don’t foresee that being an issue considering how highly you’re thought of in the ED.” What Sharon wasn’t telling Reese was that Maggie, April, Dr. Halstead, and surprisingly Dr.Choi-who had always been a man who abided by the rules- had approached her on Sarah’s behalf. It seemed the whole of her ED had a soft spot for the former med student.
“Do we have a deal, Dr. Rhodes? You’ll come to work with me tomorrow?” Sarah nodded, accepting the hand Dr. Charles had offered her.
“Then we shall see you tomorrow, Dr. Rhodes. Welcome back to Gaffney Chicago Medical Center.” Ms. Goodwin smiled, also stretching out a hand for Sarah to shake. Then Dr. Charles was walking her up to the cardio ward where Connor should be getting ready to go because it was the end of the shift.
“Dr. Charles? Tomorrow-could we keep using Reese? I just think it might be confusing with Connor already being Dr. Rhodes.” Sarah asked as they walked.
“Or might it be that you haven’t told anyone yet?” Sarah remained silent.
“You can tell me to mind my own business, but why haven’t you told anyone? Marriage is something to be celebrated.”
Sarah probably should’ve made up some bogus excuse, but Sarah knew she wasn’t the best liar. Also, Dr. Charles had spent years, picking up on when a person was lying. He would see through her no sooner than she could open her mouth.
“Probably because it’s not romantic at all.” Sarah exhaled slowly. The older man raised his eyebrows at her, “What do you mean?”
“It’s not...romantic. He’s my best friend, but it’s a platonic marriage. After everything with Connor’s family, he wanted medical decisions to be placed in the hands of someone he trusted, and for some reason he chose me. And I guess I wanted that kind of security for myself too. Because even with my being emancipated since I was sixteen, being my next of kin, medical decisions would probably fall to my mother. Also, I had had enough of dating. So the day after my graduation, we went down to the courthouse and got married.”
“I see, but my dear can I ask one more comment? And then I’ll leave you alone about it.” He asked and Sarah nodded.
“I just don’t understand why you had to get married. You were at the courthouse, you two could’ve just as easily filed for the power of medical attorney for each other. With your mother being an attorney, I’m a little surprised you didn’t think of that.” Sarah felt her eyes widen. Dr. Charles was right. Why hadn’t they done that?
“But that’s just my two cents. I shall see you tomorrow, my dear.” He said before he strode back down the hall, leaving Sarah to stare after him.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” Connor appeared five minutes later. When she didn’t respond, Connor touched her shoulder, “Sarah?”
“Huh? Oh sorry, I was thinking.”
“I can see that.” He smiled at her, “I asked what you were doing here.”
“Oh, I had a meeting with Dr. Charles and Ms. Goodwin. They offered me a spot in the psychiatry residency program.”
Connor threw an arm over her shoulder as he started walking down the hallway to the elevator. Sarah didn't jump at the sudden contact as she had in the beginning. She was used to this by now. He had done it for the past two weeks in Hawaii when there was a crowd and he didn’t want to lose her. (There wasn’t a crowd now though and Sarah was ignoring that thought because Connor didn’t think of her like that.) “I didn’t think he’d move that quick. He talked to me about it while I was eating lunch. See, if you would be open to psychiatry. He knows that we’re married by the way.”
“I know. He and Ms. Goodwin spent the meeting addressing me as Dr. Rhodes, I spent it looking over my shoulder for you.”
“Still haven’t decided if it’s Reese or Rhodes yet?”
“I told Dr. Charles to keep it Reese for tomorrow and the foreseeable future so that way people wouldn’t be confused between me and you.” She answered as they arrived at the elevator, Connor pushing the button. While they waited, he asked how the meeting went.
“I tentatively accepted and might have talked my way into a double residency with the ED if it works out.” She answered and he just smirked, his blue eyes bright with amusement.
“What?”
Her (platonic) husband shook his head. The smirk did not leave his mouth. “Just remembering that you are, in fact, the same girl who was adamant you were a lab person, a little over a year ago.”
“And yet you married me.” She deadpanned as stepped into the open elevator. “Anyways, how’d the rest of your day with Dr. Latham go? Did it get any better?”
“He threw me out of the OR mid-surgery,” Connor admitted, after another shake of his head. Sarah looked at him, mouth slightly agape. The elevator closed and she found herself being jostled slightly as the elevator went down.
“What?”
“It’s a long story, I tell you about it on the way home.” Right because they were married and her home was with him now. There were boxes of her stuff still waiting to be unpacked. Nope. Sarah do not touch that. It’ll be like opening a can of worms.
“Speaking of, can we stop by my apartment on the way? I need to get a few work-appropriate outfits.” She explained. Connor nodded as the elevator opened back up on the ground floor.
“Pizza good for dinner? We can get it on the way. It seems like it’ll be takeout for a little while, at least until we can get to the store.” Sarah nodded, not trusting her voice at the moment as she lost her way in her thoughts. He tightened his arm around her slightly.
“You okay? You’re being quieter than I’m used to now.” He asked when he had her attention. Another change. A month ago, she would've been quiet as a mouse around Dr. Rhodes. But he wasn't just Dr. Rhodes to her anymore. He was Connor, her best friend, and her husband.
“Yeah. There’s just been a lot of change lately and I’m just wrapping my head around it, I guess.” She answered and it wasn’t a lie. Because there had been a lot of change for her in the last month. But it hadn’t been quite the truth either. Thankfully, her answer seemed to satisfy Connor enough as he left her alone with her thoughts as he led the way to his car.
Why hadn’t they gotten the medical power of attorney? Why had they chosen to get married instead? Damn it. She had opened the can of worms.