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Kili frowned at your chamber door, having just kissed you good night. Your date had gone well, he thought; you’d had fun and laughed and made out and all the usual things you two did together since you’d officially started courting. But something felt off. You’d seemed… different over the past couple of days somehow, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what, exactly, was wrong. You weren’t sad or angry or even unusually happy. You were just… different. Guarded, almost, as though you wanted to say something but wouldn’t.
Kili frowned harder. He’d tried to give you a couple of days to work through whatever it was. He knew that life in Erebor was difficult for you sometimes. As the only human living among dwarrow, there were times you got confused by their culture or felt left out when everyone around you spoke in Khuzdul. But you’d always asked him about it before, and the two of you had talked it through.
But this time, you weren’t speaking up. Kili had thought that perhaps it was because it was such a small issue, a minor inconvenience, that you’d decided to work through whatever it was on your own. But you hadn’t. You were still not yourself, and it had been three days now, and you still hadn’t asked for his help.
He was starting to feel like you were shutting him out, and the thought gave his stomach an uncomfortable squeeze.
He didn’t like it.
Kili’s worried frown changed to a set-jawed determination. He wasn’t going to wait any longer. He was going to find out what was bothering you.
But how?
He frowned again. You didn’t seem to want to bother him with it. He could ask Fee. Or Balin; Kili knew that you often went to Balin for advice. Maybe he could snoop around and backtrack the places you’d gone over the last few days. Maybe Bofur would know something; that dwarrow always seemed to know more than he should.
Of course, the person he really wanted to ask was his best friend. There was one person he trusted with the most secret things of his heart, the private things of his relationship. There was one person whose judgment he valued more than any other, even more than Thorin’s, and that person would surely know how to fix whatever was wrong. Unfortunately, that person was you. How could he find out what was bothering you without pestering you about it?
But the more Kili thought about it, the more he realized that you were exactly the person he needed to talk to. What if nobody else knew that something was wrong, then he went and asked the world about what was troubling you? Then everyone would know that something had been wrong, and you clearly wanted to keep this to yourself, whatever it was, because you hadn’t even told him.
There it was again, that nervous stomach squeeze. Kili really didn’t like that you were keeping something from him, especially not something that was obviously troubling you so. Yet you had been, so how could he get it out of you?
His eyes glinted as a plan took shape in his mind. It was a small, simple plan; nothing elaborate, as you seemed to prefer simpler options. If you wouldn’t tell him during the course of a normal evening, he’d just have to step up his efforts until you couldn’t hold back anymore.
He walked away from your door with a tentatively triumphant swagger in his step. Kili was going to fix whatever it was that was wrong. He was going to make you feel better if he had to hatch a thousand plans to do it.
********************
You sighed deeply into your towel. You were getting ready for bed and had just finished washing your face.
Your face. You looked closely at it in the mirror, examining its curves and planes, the skin tone, the shape of your features.
You frowned at yourself uncertainly. Surely you were being silly. Kili loved you. He adored you. You loved him like crazy right back. You were great together. There was nothing to be worried about.
Your reflection looked skeptical.
You sighed again, turning away from the mirror and making your way over to your bed. You’d always tried to live your life by the adage don’t accept criticism from anyone you wouldn’t accept advice from, but sometimes that was harder to do than say. The truth was, you didn’t care what those dwarrowdam you’d overheard thought of you, but what Kili thought of you? What he would think of you in a few months from now? Years from now? That mattered. That mattered a lot, and the doubts that had been planted in your mind had taken root.
Your hand had just reached for the bedspread, ready to pull it back and climb into bed, when a knock on your door caused you to jump. Who could be calling on you at this time of night? you wondered as you pulled on your robe.
When you opened the door, your heart fluttered. There stood Kili, grinning his megawatt smile at you, almost bouncing on his toes with excitement.
“Kili. What…? Erm… what?” you stammered with a bemused smile on your face.
“Hello, my love,” he replied as his chocolate brown eyes, full of pleasure, mischief, and something else you couldn’t identify, met yours and held on for a moment before your gaze drifted to what he held in his hands. How had he managed to get hold of your favorite flowers at this time of night? And was that your favorite dessert from Bombur’s?
“Kili?” you said again as you stepped aside and gestured him into your room. “What are you doing here?”
“I know we’re having dinner again tomorrow,” he said quickly, “but I just couldn't wait to see you again.” And that grin that melted your heart every time you saw it worked its magic again as you found yourself starting to chuckle.
“You saw me an hour ago.”
Kili set the flowers and sweets down on a nearby table and you saw him clearly for the first time since he’d unexpectedly arrived.
“You’re all… dressed up.” He was wearing your favorite tunic and overshirt. “I love that outfit on you.”
He stood straighter and his grin held more than a touch of pride. “I know. It’s your favorite.”
You shook your head, bemused but thrilled with the surprise attention. “You sweet, adorable weirdo, what are you doing?”
He laughed, then sobered and stepped close to you, resting a hand at your waist as he caressed your cheek with the other. “Amralime,” he said lowly. “I know something has been troubling you lately, and I know that you haven’t told me what it is.”
You flushed and looked down, embarrassed. You’d hoped Kili hadn’t noticed your distracted state lately.
“Hey.” He placed a couple of fingers under your chin and gently tilted your face back up to meet his gaze. “I don’t know why you haven’t said anything,” he started, and you saw a flash of pain cross his handsome features, increasing your guilt. “But I’m here for you. Whatever it is, you can tell me, and we can figure it out. Together.”
And he gently brought his lips to yours, kissing you with a tenderness you hadn’t realized you’d needed until this very moment.
When he pulled away, tears shone in your eyes. “Kee, I’m sorry,” you whispered.
Kili brought his forehead to yours as he cradled the back of your head. “What is it, love? Please let me help.”
You wanted to tell him but... “It’s silly,” you muttered.
Kili pulled back slightly and blinked at you disbelievingly. “Silly is my area of expertise! Don’t let that stop you. In fact, that should encourage you.”
You laughed, and his face relaxed.
“There now,” he said, and stroked your cheek again. “Talk to me, love.”
You chewed your lip for a moment before telling him the whole story. How you’d been out running errands a few days ago and had overheard a group of dwarrowdam talking about you. It wasn’t much of a surprise; the prince was courting a human, after all, and that was gossip-worthy, even on a day when there was nothing to gossip about.
But something about the way those dams had said it stuck with you.
“Said what?” Kili asked. He was trying to say calm, trying not to show you how angry he was that some random gossips had hurt you, how much he’d like to put them in their place, how he wanted to sweep you up and hold you and take care of you and keep you from ever hearing anything that would hurt you again.
“They, um…” You sighed before looking at the dwarrow you loved. “Kee, how can you possibly be attracted to me?”
Kili’s face went slack with shock.
“I mean,” you hurried, “look at me! I don’t look anything like your culture’s standards of beauty.” You pulled away from his touch and began to pace as you rattled off your shortcomings. “I’m too tall, too frail-looking and fragile. My nose isn’t nearly bulbous enough,” you gestured emphatically at it. “My face has too many angles, my bust and booty aren’t full enough, and I don’t have even a hint of facial hair!” You rubbed your smooth cheeks vigorously, as if to stimulate follicle growth. “I…” You dropped your hands to your sides and looked at Kili helplessly. “I just look weird.
“You’re a prince,” you continued. “How can you possibly choose someone who looks like me over all the dams who would gladly have you?”
Kili waited to be sure you were finished before he closed the small gap between you and took your hand. “Look at me,” he said.
You did, and waited for Kili to go on.
He smiled at you, and even though it was a small, gentle smile, it still managed to make your heart flutter. “All the things you just said about yourself?” He shrugged. “Most of them could be said about me, too.”
He took your hands and placed them on his chest. “My nose isn’t at all how a proper dwarrow’s nose should look. My face? I have cheekbones, for crying out loud. That practically makes me an elf!”
You rolled your eyes while he carried on. “And don’t get me started about facial hair.” Kili’s eyes reflected a deep, long-held sorrow. “I still can’t seem to grow it beyond this pitiful scruff.” He shrugged again. “If I weren’t a prince, you can bet none of those dams would have me. I know, because before I met you, before we retook Erebor, none of those dams looked at me twice, despite my efforts. I am,” he concluded, meeting your gaze intimately and sincerely, “a very ugly dwarrow.”
You kissed him soundly. “You,” you said when you broke apart, “are the most handsome thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”
Kili grinned and leaned in to rub your nose with his. “The miracle in my life is that that’s what you see when you look at me. You don’t see my appalling lack of masculinity, by dwarrow standards. You, amazingly, like what you see.”
You brushed a lock of hair off his forehead. “More than anything.”
“Do you know what I see when I look at you?” His eyes burned with an intensity that threatened to leave you breathless. “I see a kind, selfless, courageous heart, a soul that would never speak of someone else the way others have spoken of you. I look at you and see beauty that even the sunrise can’t compete with. Beauty that makes the moon and stars stop in the night sky and stare in awe, and I will never, ever, see anything other than that when I look at you.
“Because when I look at you, I see the woman I love.”
You blinked at him through your tears and threw yourself into his embrace.
He held you as you cried for a moment, then kissed you when you pulled back. You felt foolish for having kept your insecurities from him, but then as the heat of your kisses grew, you felt something else entirely.
Kili felt it, too, as he bent his head and nibbled his way up your neck to your ear. “Feel better?” he asked.
You nodded, unable to speak through the growing fog of lust.
“Please tell me,” he murmured as his hands roved over your curves, “that you need a little more convincing, and I will spend the rest of the night showing you how beautiful I think you are.”
The heat in your core flared up and wasn’t about to be denied now, not with that look in your lover’s eyes. “They do say actions speak louder than words.” You nipped at his bottom lip.
“Paltry things, words,” Kili agreed as he swept you up in his arms and carried you over to your bed.