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Sasori adored many, many things about his fiance. The quick temper and intellect, her steadfast, stubborn dedication. Even the tender, sentimental heart beating beneath her skin and bones that often led her to detrimental ends. He lauded in her the faults he would sneer at in others. ‘There is more of her to love than dislike.’ Her teammates were absent from that long list.
‘She hasn’t been a Genin in over 10 years.’ And Sakura had become a chūnin well before the other two rejects, one of whom had been stuck on house arrest for years following his botched defection. ‘Pathetic really.’ Both that Sasuke thought he could stroll out of his village without careful planning and that Konoha hadn’t taken him back in a body bag. Considering how laboriously Sasori had once plotted his own prospects in that arena, he might have been more sympathetic if it weren’t for the indulgent stupidity that followed the boy's terrible decision-making.
Sasori, who in his nature was eminently honest—with himself, acknowledged that a not so tiny smidge of his intense desire to see Uchiha Sasuke’s head on a pike was not due to his embarrassing failure or even the trouble it had caused. No, the dark craving all came down to his designation as Sakura’s first love and the bitter resentment of being denied even that small part of her past affections. That there was another man she might have married was a despicable, hated concept. ‘And there are not one but two of them in this room...’ Uninterested as Sasuke turned out to be, he was still someone she’d willingly kissed and dreamed of a future with and then there was Naruto, a man who made no bones about his own affection, past or present. ‘Loudly.’ As he did in all things.
While Sasuke’s years-long rehabilitation had been undertaken by his clan, Naruto and Sakura were further split after seeking tutelage outside of their broken 3-man cell. It would have been expected, given their unorthodox experience that their squadron be completely dissolved and forgotten as they each went their own way but the Team 7 that should have died the moment Sasuke stepped across the village borders turned out to be too resolute for that. Rather than disappearing it merely evolved through the subtraction and addition of members, adapting to whatever melodramatic calamity that dared to stand in its way.
As far as Sasori was concerned the whole thing was abnormal. By and large when a Shinobi was promoted through the ranks the distance between them and their former teammates only increased. ‘That or they start dying off.’ Of course, he would think that given that he’d gone from academy student to chūnin in a straight shot, forging himself through war. It wasn’t as though he were incapable of teamwork, far from it. He simply didn’t see the point in carrying those people around like an anchor for the rest of his days. They were together to reach an objective and nothing more.
If it weren’t for the fact that they were related and spitefully refused to be driven off, the students Sasori had been saddled with would have disappeared from his day to day life as soon as they’d successfully advanced from Genin to chūnin. ‘Whatever happens after is their responsibility.’ Like baby birds being thrown out of the nest, they either flew or died on their own merits but that was not how it was with Sakura and Team 7. Not only did they occupy the role of teammates, and friends, they were, according to her family.
Such as it was, It had not taken him long at all to realize that Sakura’s virtues and his love of her were a double-edged sword. Those same things that had ensnared him were exactly what led him into situations he would never subject himself to if not for his own sentimentality. For example, he certainly would not be stuck sitting in a cramped little ramen shop with people he hated for bonding If not for love. ‘And because she is stubborn.’ Sasori thought, staring into the plume of steam roiling out of the pot behind the counter. “She’s late.” In another five minutes and not a moment more he was going to go looking for her.
“Good, then we can leave.” Sasuke intoned like a funeral bell, half risen from his seat when Naruto yanked him back into place. “We’re only here because Sakura thinks if we spend enough time together we’ll suddenly get along. She’s not here and that's not going to happen.”
Sasori, arms crossed over his chest gestured to the open storefront with the jut of his head. “Go on.” He dared him. The first person who left without a good reason would find himself regretting it when Sakura did show up and they all knew it. ‘If he goes all the better for me.’
“We only just sat down,” Naruto complained and then, the thick packet he dropped onto the counter busted open, polaroids spilling out.
A picture of Sakura, more than a decade younger and wearing a red bikini skidded to a stop in front of Sasori who looked at it for a good long moment and then very slowly aimed his eyes at Naruto’s paling face. ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ His dream of becoming Hokage suddenly seemed so far away when faced with that bleak, death-like stare. ’I was trying to keep the peace!’ Instead, he’d poured oil on hot embers.
“Why,” Sasori began, fingers pinching the edge of the image. “Do you have a picture of my prepubescent fiance in this?”
“Hey! Don’t you make it sound creepier than it is!” Naruto sputtered, face aflame.
Sai, leaning back in his seat, pipped in. “I read about this in a book; it's a memento for—What's it called again? Ah, yes, your spank bank.” Sasori’s head whipped in his direction so fast the vertebrae in his neck seemed to click one by one. ‘Fascinating.’ He thought, blinking his dark eyes.
“Gross.” A rare but visible shudder worked its way up Sasuke’s frame, lips thin in disappointment.
“You people have got it all wrong, dattebayo!” Naruto howled, balled fists flailing in the air. “These are pictures from our mission to the Land of the Moon.” He gave a dirty side-eye to Sasuke. “You wouldn’t know since you were grounded like a naughty little boy while the rest of us were out being ninjas.” He’d even been barred from having visitors for half a year after being dragged back, a complete lockdown—not that it’d stopped anyone from trying to see him.
“Doesn’t look like much of a mission to me.” Sasori hissed like the dark, cavern-dwelling creature he was on the inside, arms greedily scooping the rest of the pictures his way. None of the albums Sakura’s parents had sent nor the scattered photographs around her apartment contained what he was seeing; a ridiculous midriff and navel baring outfit that had his instincts screaming dangerous, circus acts and kangaroos with boxing gloves, and glossy images of his fiance gleefully kicking up sand and water.
Full kitted, casual, and formal, he had seen her in all sorts of attire and without—often as was his preference but never in a bathing suit. He would have to have a good long think about how that made him feel. “What are you carrying them around for?” The inquisition continued.
“Because she asked for them?” Naruto said as if Sasori were the stupid one and wondered whether or not he wanted to risk losing a hand trying to take them back. The Kunai thunking half-hilted into the counter between them made it clear that no, no he did not want to risk that or rather he didn't want to risk more property damage after seeing the tears running down Teuchi’s face. “Well, it was one— just not in those. They were taken after we’d safely escorted Tsuki Hikaru and his father back to the Land of the Moon.” He thumbed his nose proudly. ‘Yea that's right, I know a prince and saved a kingdom.’ He was a big deal and it was about time Sakura’s creepy husband-to-be realized it. ‘Maybe he’ll realize how much better I am than him and leave.’ A man could dream.
Sasori only stared at him with flat, unimpressed eyes. There was no reason to be surprised that the loudmouth knew royalty from a tourist dollar-driven kingdom. ‘He’s like an infectious disease, people with weak immune systems fall right under his sway.’ But that same fate would never be shared by Sasori. What did surprise him was a very simple realization. “She never mentioned this mission.” And judging by the pictures she’d had an enjoyable time.
“Tsuki…” The pen Sai had been scratching against the pages of his sketchbook paused. “Tsuki Michiru, Isn’t that the one you said pawed all over her hand like a gross old man?” The story came back to him in bits and pieces.
“Ah,” Sasuke dropped his chin onto his laced fingers. “Idiots.” Of course, Sakura wouldn’t have mentioned that, her boyfriend was an obsessive, petty psychopath who probably had enough dirty connections to commit an off-the-books assassination. ‘An oblivious twit and a neurotic man, it's a recipe for disaster.’ He thought, watching a bead of sweat drip down the side of Naruto’s temple.
The Hokage-In-Waiting was having a woefully belated flashback; Naruto for my peace of mind and as a general safety rule don’t mention anything regarding me that you think would upset Sasori. If it upset you, it's safe to say he’ll take it twice as badly. ‘A creepy fat guy rubbing all over her hand and talking about how cute she was definitely upset me.’ Michiru turned out to be an alright guy and Sakura had nearly crushed his hand after he’d overstepped an invisible boundary but it had bothered Naruto and Rock Lee just to witness it. ‘And thinking about it now? Still weird, I mean she was 13.’ It was the long, terrible silence that scared him the most.
“That fat slob.” Sasori seethed through the faint sliver of teeth showing between his lips. Looking at the neat stack of polaroids he’d collected, a thought occurred to him. “I suppose I should be thanking you.” Although he didn’t believe for a millisecond that Naruto hadn’t oogled his first love in a bikini at one time or another. ‘But that is a concern for another night. It was foolish of me to think I had already learned everything about her.’ Sakura had accumulated 25 years of little secrets and memories he wasn’t privy to. ‘At least not yet.’ They would have the rest of their lives to go through them.
“Huh?” Naruto could only blink because Sasori had never, ever thanked him for anything. ‘And I helped save his cousin!’ Rude bastard. “Wait, are you being sarcastic with me?” He wondered, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.
“If I were it’d be lost on you.” Sasori glanced at the clock to find that five minutes had gone and passed twice over in his distraction, just as he rose to leave the Noren flew open.
Sakura panted, hands against her knees as she fought to catch her breath. “Sorry, there was a last-minute emergency and you’ll never guess who I ran into...”
“You’re starting to sound like Kakashi.” Sasuke said, without turning to look at her.
“If you say it like it's a bad thing it hurts my feelings.” Kakashi’s monotoned murmur filtered into the small space.
“Hn.”
Naruto cleaved his hands through the air. “Now wait just a damn second!” He shouted, climbing to stand on top of his seat in full view of a bewildered audience. “This...this man,” He really struggled to use that word. “Was just about to thank me.” And he was desperate to know why.
“Oh?” Sakura’s brows rose as she glanced at her placid-faced fiance. ‘No.’ She thought, instincts keying in on the insidious glint lurking in his eyes. The serene set of his facial features was a lying facade, she knew that long before she saw the stalking steps of his swagger. ‘It's more of an animal going in for the kill.’ She squared her shoulders, mind a race as she mentally ran through all the possible sources of the fuse someone had set off. ‘Did someone tell him about the love letter?’ Or the marriage proposal, ‘Or maybe it was the patient high on pain meds…’ All those wedding plans she’d had to sit through would be wasted if he suddenly became a rogue Shinobi.
“He helped me reach a valuable conclusion," Sasori murmured, peering down at her through his lashes, reveling in his meager three-inch height supremacy. “As it turns out teammates do have their uses.” His finger skimmed over her orbital bone and the soft flesh that gave form to her pretty, puzzled face.
Faced with an unknown situation Sakura resorted to her fail-safe tactic; distraction. “Is that so?” she wondered, nuzzling against his hand. ‘If I act cute enough he might let whatever weird seed he’s germinating go.’ At least for a little while.
Naruto had to have a sit-down, touched. “What, me? I did that?” Usually, the only way he managed to get through to people like Sasori was by beating them until they agreed with his worldview. To have it happen so easily was new and weird. ‘But nice.’ like his heart had grown 3 times as big in a matter of seconds.
Pensively, Sai cupped his chin. “You know, I think—”
“Just let him have it.” There was no way Sasori wouldn’t disabuse the blonde of his warm and fuzzy feeling in the future but there was no reason, In Sasuke’s opinion that it had to be then and there. ‘Whatever happened to decency?’ He wondered, averting his eyes from the gross display of public affection he was being subjected to.
Sasori was not to be discouraged even if she was adorable nestled against his hand like a purring cat “Sakura, would you like to tell me about your trip to the Crescent Kingdom?” His thumb stopped at the corner of her mouth, watching with rapt attention as her green eyes looked up at him, utterly confused for a fraction of a second before they narrowed, shifting to glare at the fixed point called Naruto beyond his shoulder.
“You know,” Sakura said, lips stretching into a saccharine sweet smile. “I’ve just had a bit of a perspective change on the matter of teammates myself.” She had to have been crazy to leave them alone for any length of time, not when there was no telling what they’d let slip. ‘It could be nothing, it could be something that would cause an international incident.’ Or, worst of all a personally embarrassing story. ‘Like when my parents told him about that time I stuffed a pillow under my dress and pretended to be pregnant.’ She shuddered. “I’ve decided that they are complete nuisances and that we should be leaving.”
Sasori allowed her to push him towards the exit, happy enough to go anywhere else. ‘But that doesn’t mean I’m going to forget.’
“It’s not like we told him about that mission in Monaka!” Naruto clapped his hands over his mouth, too late to stop the words from pouring out.
Sasori’s legs locked and the muscles in his back strained against Sakura’s pushing hands, forcing them into a stalemate; the unmovable against the unstoppable. “Naruto, you keep your sloppy, loose lips shut or I’ll make you regret it!” Her cheeks and neck felt red hot from the humiliation creeping in from that hated memory.
“No,” Sasori said, tilting his head back in an angle awkward enough to turn Naruto as pale as a sheet, teeth chattering. “I’d like to hear about what happened in Monoka.”
If Sakura Haruno had anything to say about it, what happened in Monoka was going to stay in Monoka...and those unfortunate, awful moments in which every humiliating experience and mistake she’d ever made in her life was paraded through her minds-eye just as she was trying to sleep.
Sasuke, fed up with having been tortured all night, turned in his seat and said. “I know what happened in Monoka.” And, of all the men in that room he was the second least afraid of her so no amount of green-eyed glaring was going to stop him from spilling it.