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Chapter Text

The air was warm and pleasant, thick with gorgeous scents of wild thyme and honeysuckle. The sky was an electric blue kissed softly by yellows and pinks of a sun that never completely set. Fireflies dotted the sky like moving fairy-lights giving the place a magical ambiance and the leaves of the ancient carob trees swayed listlessly in the early summer breeze. The place was abuzz with the sounds of nature and the merriment of its patrons. And so, it went on ad aeternum, until… a flutter of wings… a gust of wind… and a tall slender man appeared in the middle of Heaven’s beer garden.

He checked his appearance in the still waters of the pond by which he’d landed, putting a stray hair back in place, and adjusting his waist coat. He surveyed his surroundings, dark eyes sweeping the gatherings before him, and a hush fell, filling the place with a sense of unease. Even the dragonflies on the lily pads had stopped flapping their winds. All eyes were on him. All breaths collectively held. The air crackled with excitement, danger and the unknown.

From a distance, Daniel Espinoza could see the sharp lines of his friend's face and the storm behind his eyes. In this place there was definitely something ethereal about him. Daniel wondered how long it had been since he’d been to Earth, and what news he would have from their loved ones. A man with dirty blond hair seated next to Daniel nudged him and lifted his chin in a way to gesture towards the tall man. ‘That the guy?’ He asked.

‘Yeeeep. That’s him.’ Dan answered, slightly unsure of what to say next.

‘The Devil?’

‘Aha… in the flesh.’

The other man took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. ‘What’s he like?’ he asked.

Oh, you know, just a pompous, self centered dick, a pudding thief who would torture you till your wits end for a laugh … with a heart of gold, he thought. You know, just a funny, generous guy, …who’d play board games with a kid and snap the backs of bad guys. He couldn’t say that, could he? ‘Umm…’ How best to prepare someone before they met Lucifer Morningstar? ‘You, know, he’s alright… for… Satan.’ He shrugged, helplessly.

As Lucifer approached the bar turning his back to the tables and pointing to whisky bottle, the garden erupted in frantic whispers, nobody dared to speak out loud. Word around the Silver City had run rampant. There was a new God, the Devil wasn’t evil… things were changing. It was the dawn of a new era and Lucifer Morningstar was the man to speak to if you wanted to get a soul out of hell. Nevertheless, most people, the ones who didn’t know him were wary of him. Even word of mouth could not negate the terror his name had invoked for millennia. As he reached into the inner pocked of his suit jacked for his carton of cigarettes, a young woman approached him and reached up to kiss him on the cheek.

Daniel watched the hard lines of Lucifer’s face soften and the coldness behind his eyes melt as he held the girl’s hand and smiled at her. He wondered if he’d known her from before or if he'd helped the girl out of hell... Dan called out to him and Lucifer approached taking a seat casually swatting away a firefly. ‘Daniel!’ He said in acknowledgement, finishing his drink and pouring himself another.

'How are you doing man? Did you see them?’ Dan was anxious to hear the latest news about his daughter, not that he expected anything bad, but he missed her fiercely.

‘Looks like I sat at the cool kids’ table.’ Lucifer said sarcastically, noticing the sea of prying eyes. ‘Yes, yes… it’s me. What do you want? An autograph?’ He dismissed them. He took a cell phone out from the same pocket his cigarettes were in and *tap* *tap* *tapped* till he found what he was looking for. 'Here take a gander. The little urchin nearly had me. Your child has become quite the bad-ass young lady.’

Daniel took the phone and watched a short video of Trixie, now 14, sparing with Lucifer using sticks as swards, promptly whacking him in the shins and felling him like a tree. ‘That’s my girl!’ he said triumphantly. He handed the phone back to Lucifer who swiped to the next video.

‘Look at this one…’ Lucifer handed the phone back to Dan. It was a video of Lucifer and Trixie trying to learn a dance routine which one or the other kept messing up to Chloe’s amusement. Dan could hear the cackling behind the shaky camera. He felt an emotion in between joy, pride, and jealousy. He wanted to be the one messing up the dances with his kid, but he was contented by the fact that she had so many people in her life who loved her.

He swiped to see some selfies that Trixie had taken using Lucifer’s phone … the three of them in face masks… Trixie making silly faces… Trixie trying out a makeup tutorial… and one of two-year-old Rory’s face smooshed between her parents’ smooches. *Swipe* He saw a video of Lucifer fastening a diaper and asking ‘Deteeeectiiiive what do I do with this bag of shit?’ as he chased Trixie around the apartment with it. Dan leaned over to his drinking companion and showed him the pictures as he swiped, then…

Dan’s eyes suddenly bulged out of their sockets as he slammed the phone face down on the table, turning the shade of a beetroot.

‘Careful, Daniel’ Lucifer said looking up from some papers he’d began rifling through.

'Lucifer!’ Daniel hissed in shock. ‘You have nudes of yourself in between pictures of my daughter!'

Lucifer looked a little startled but mostly amused, 'I've been stuck in hell for thousands upon thousands of years at a time... the Detective and I must amuse ourselves somehow! Besides, everyone knows you don't swipe through another man's camera reel.’ He looked at the other man at the table for support, acknowledging his presence for the first time. ‘What did you see anyway? ‘Lucifer asked checking his phone. 'Oh that's nothing... very tasteful... Could have been worse... ‘ He quickly waved his phone in front of Dan’s face, heavy breathing could be heard from the speaker.

'Ahh fuck! My eyes!!! '

‘I do miss torturing you, Daniel!’ Lucifer said with genuine fondness. ‘I have letters for you from Chloe and Trixie… pictures…’ he handed them over one by one. ‘… here’s a report card she was ever so proud of…’ Then, as if it suddenly dawned on him that a third person was at the table he said, ‘Goodness me! How terribly rude of me… I’m Lucifer Morningstar…’ Dan watched Lucifer extend a hand over the table. ‘Actually, you look very familiar. Have we met?’ Dan tried to snatch the remaining things from Lucifer’s hands, but was too slow for celestial reflexes.

The man smiled ‘We haven’t officially met, but I did watch you explode into a ball of light then come back to life… if that helps.’

Lucifer raised one dark eyebrow in thought then it hit him… ‘Aaah! Papa Decker!’ he exclaimed. ‘The egg sandwich man! Daniel wait…’ he said to his friend who was still trying to pull things out of Lucifer’s hands. ‘Why didn’t you tell me the Detective’s Daaad would be here???’ He said under his breath, elongating the aaaa for emphasis.

‘Honestly, man, I thought you wouldn’t come… now gimme!’ He finally managed to snatch the remaining things from Lucifer’s hands.

Lucifer looked at John Decker’s face studying his features. He could see Chloe in that face, and seemed comforted by the familiarity. He poured the man a drink in one of the clean tumblers he’d brought over earlier. ‘You know,’ he said casually. ‘I have an awful track record with father figures, but I’ll try my best.’ He grinned at the man disarmingly.

‘You’re really the Devil?’ John asked.

‘Yep’ Lucifer popped his ‘p’ and flashed his fiery red eyes, giggling as John jumped back in his seat.

‘And my Monkey’s into that?’ he tried to compose himself, but was clearly shaken.

‘Yes…’ Lucifer sipped his whisky, savoring the complex flavours… ‘She did, however, conspire with a dreadful, evil priest to send me back to Hell when she first found out, but quickly remember that I am really quite wonderful!’ Lucifer leaned back, grinning.

‘Oh…. I see …very modest aren’t we? ’ John rolled his eyes in a very Chloe-esqu manner.

‘Man, these letters aren’t even for me!’ Dan huffed disappointedly. ‘Why did you give them to me?’ He thought that even if he had a hundred more photos and letters, he would still always want more.

‘I didn’t you numpty…’ Lucifer took the papers back, folding them back up neatly. ‘Look at what these humans have done to me… reduced me to a common postman.’ He grumbled, turning to John… Lucifer frowned and opened his mouth then closed it again. Despite his own agitation, Dan watched the two men, their own private feelings of hesitation and indecision clear on their faces.

‘You can feel free to ask me whatever you like…’ John said, breaking the silence.

Dan caught the faintest of naughty twinkles in the Devil’s eyes and he braced himself for what was to come… ‘Well, why do you call your daughter a monkey? Is it because of her hairy big toes or the way she eats a banana… because both are really quite spectacular.’ Dan kicked Lucifer under the table as he tried to hold back a guffaw. ‘Daniel! Do you have wrestles leg syndrome?’ He brushed his pant leg, tut-tuting.

‘She was a clingy toddler … she’d try to climb us like trees and hang off her mother and I…’ he said. ‘You’ll see when your Rory grows a little bit more.’

If Dan felt like every little bit he got from his family made him insatiably hungry for more, he knew that Lucifer must feel the same and more every time he visited them. The man must have enormous will power to stay away when he could very easily be with them. It must be so incredibly difficult to leave after short visits. It was only because Rory was very young that he was able to see them now and again, soon he would need to keep even more of a distance and the very fact broke Dan’s heart.

Lucifer must have recognized John’s need to talk, his facade of confidence, smarmyness, and the desire to make fun already cracked, when reminded of his daughter... ‘You must have questions for me’ he said kindly. ‘I promise to answer honestly and more or less seriously...’

Chapter Text

A chameleon inched its way up the branch of a nearby Lentisk tree, hiding behind the dark green, dense foliage and clusters of ruby-red berries, bulging eyes darting back and forth until it spotted prey. It reeled in the poor unfortunate bug and instantly set its sights on something far more desirable… a mate. The chameleon inched its way a little further up the tree changing colours from green to black with little yellow spots as it went. Daniel watched it as Lucifer topped up his glass. The garden was one of the most beautiful places he’d ever seen. The black berries on the Bay loural trees were fragrant and glistened in the dim light, the pinks and purples of the Judas trees and Jacarandas magnificent and bright. Everything was at the height of perfection.

His musings were interrupted by John taking up the Devil’s offer. 'That's very kind of you' he said. 'I guess since we’re talking about names, my first question is … why do you call my granddaughter an urchin??' Dan could see John was not altogether serious and wanted to get his own back. Although, he made a good attempt at masking it. 'Have you spent much time around English Oliver Twist type workhouses? '

Surprisingly, and to Dan's mild disappointment, Lucifer answered seriously. 'It's simply banter, John. I have become infinitely fond of the sweet, darling child. There's no malice behind the name.' He said, thinking about the second part of the question. 'I have spent a fair amount of time in England over the centuries. I remember when Hadrian built his wall… the first of Will’s plays at the Globe… Dickens... Nelson… It's how I got this charming accent. I swear, it must be one of the reasons that lot managed to get their little hands on so much land. As for the workhouses... yes, I've seen them. They were atrociously inhumane.... heartbreaking.' Lucifer took a sip contemplating his answer until something occurred to him. 'Should I call you John? Or … Dad? Daddy Decker … Dude?' He cocked an eyebrow and smirked at the last one.

‘John is fine. You are after all, my elder.’ John said thoughtfully. Dan wondered if he was trying to figure out just how old his daughter’s new partner was. He preferred not to think about it himself … it was a little creepy, even though the man acted like a teenager most of the time. ‘What should I call you?’

‘Hmmm… How about… The Indisputable Ruler of the Underworld, Healer of Damned Souls… Lord Lucifer Morningstar… since I aaaam indeed your elder.’ Lucifer said, throwing his arms out to his sides in a grand gesture. ‘Lucifer… for short.’ He grinned.

‘His brother calls him Luci.’ Dan commented, only to be swatted by the irate Devil.

‘Shut it!’ Lucifer glared, ‘Next question John, come on, I have a kingdom to oversee…’ However, before John was able to ask his next question, a bald and bearded black man approached Lucifer bowing slightly and leaning over to whisper in his ear, glancing at John before doing so. ‘Alright, Belly, here you go, carry on… best of luck with my sister she’ll talk your ear off if you let her.’ Dan reached up and plucked a small branch from the olive tree that they were seated under.

The man took a folded piece of paper from Lucifer, but addressed Dan before leaving… ‘My man, Dan! What’s happening brother?’ He clapped Dan on the shoulder. ‘Let’s catch a game some time! I’m getting better.‘ He said, whacking an imaginary ball with an imaginary racket, before walking off, laughing as he went.

Dan shuddered, ‘If he didn’t improve in a thousand years, I doubt that’s true. I’m never playing that God awful game ever again... urgh!’ He handed Lucifer the little branch… ‘Here… my Lord.’

‘So… Luci… who was that… a sibling?’ John practically stuck his tongue out the nah-nah-na-nah-nah on the tip of his tongue. Oooh… if only Lucifer had the power to smite! Well, he wouldn’t … this was his ‘father-in-law’ after all … oooh but at least he’d know that he could!

‘You can stuff your bloody olive branch, Daniel!’ Lucifer spat, turning to John. ‘Bellios.‘ He swallowed his pride. ’My right hand man after Maze… who was my right hand woman before she went off and got hitched. Did you see the pictures?’ Lucifer got his phone out and began scrolling.

‘He’s a demon. ‘ Dan offered, trying to be helpful. ‘Pretty decent guy actually. We hung out a bit while I was stuck in Hell.’

John leaned towards Dan as Lucifer busied himself with his phone and he whispered… ‘Where do demons come from?’ Dan shrugged… that was one of the many things he never asked despite being a celestial insider for some time.

‘It’s a whole long story.’ Lucifer said, not looking up. ‘But the gist? They are children born to Lilith, Adam’s first wife, spawned from her various conquests after God cast her out of Eden and turned her into a demon as punishment for her transgressions … Bloody Hell! I can’t find the pictures! Oh this is cute.’ Lucifer showed the two men a picture of baby Rory’s face all scrunched up trying to mirror her father’s scabby, red, Devil face. Dan and John looked at each other telepathically communicating the same thought… terrifying might be more of an appropriate adjective.

‘Mmmm… very cute… What did Lilith do to deserve that?’ Dan asked recalling his brief interactions with Lucifer’s father during his last days in the land of the living.

‘Oooh! It was a most heinous crime, Danny Boy!’ Lucifer said, voice tinged with anger and sarcasm. ‘She refused to be subservient. In many ways, Lilith and I were likeminded… in others not so much. There was a time when my father’s wrath knew no bounds. Cast out as we both were, I agreed to give a home to her offspring in return for their labor.’

‘So, what’s Bellios doing for you now?’ John asked. He leaned forward on the table reaching into a previously untouched bowl of peanuts and cracking open a shell to get to the roasted goodies inside.

‘He came for an updated list.’ He patted the remaining bits of paper on the table. ‘Much like Santa Clause, I have lists of good and bad boys and girls. ‘ Lucifer leaned forward, imitating John, amused by his own joke. ‘Unlike Santa, my belly isn’t full of jelly, I much prefer booze to cookies and milk, and I help the bad boys and girls reach Heaven instead of tossing them on the coals… I do now anyway.’

Daniel became lost in a hazy daydream of Lucifer as a mall Santa asking the small children what they desired most in this world, hitting on the sexy elves… Really, the difference between Santa and Satan was simply down to letter-shuffling. He missed what John asked next.

‘Yes… the ruling of the afterlife really has become quite a collaborative endeavor. Would you like another drink, John?’ They had finished the bottle and he was half way out of his seat when John also stood up to join him at the bar, leaving Dan alone with his thoughts. They carried on their conversation as they walked away. Lucifer and Amenadiel really had been doing an amazing job at fixing the way people spent life after Death. In fact, a few trusted angels, demons and humans were working together including Dan himself, Charlotte, Father Frank…

‘… he’s got them working in my club in LA on internships to learn about humanity. If you’d met him when he first came to Earth himself, you wouldn’t believe he was the same man.’ Lucifer and John strolled back from the bar holding a couple of different bottles of whisky. Dan thought they must be talking about Amenadiel. John opened one as Lucifer rolled up his shirt sleeves, taking a sip from the newly filled glass.

‘You made a good choice, John. It’s quite good for a blended whisky.’

‘Thank you.’ He passed Lucifer the bowl of nuts. ‘So what is your work in hell like now, Lucifer?’

‘It is very rewarding work.’ Lucifer picked up his glass, swirling the amber liquid around pondering his next words. As he did, a middle aged man holding hands with a mousy haired woman entered the garden and waved, catching Lucifer’s eye. He lifted his glass in response. ‘John, we meet every soul that enters heaven and hell and we talk to them, we figure out how and why they ended up where they did and we help them get to their right destination if need be. People are so very fragile and I get to help them mend their broken hearts and accept their imperfections, deal with their trauma, the cracks, the fissures, see past their anger, through their guilt. John, I never knew that I was capable of so much love.’

Pudding thief he may be… trickster… dude with a scary-ass red face. Dan thought about how Lucifer had grown since he met him. Although he was still silly, spontaneous, and carefree… he did care. He had a big heart and of all the men in the world, Dan was so very glad that Lucifer was there for his daughter. In that moment between sips of whisky and raw feelings, he felt such deep affecting for the man.

John didn’t speak. Dan thought that he was likely processing what he was hearing. Lucifer took the silence as an opportunity to express more of his thoughts in such an uncharacteristic, genuine manner, all jokes aside. ‘Although, I was the King of Hell for eons, I was just another prisoner of that place. Now it’s different, I … I don’t feel tortured there. I have purpose and I feel fulfilled. I’m not burdened by the expectations and blame that I believed other associated with me … that I put on myself anymore. If I am vilified, I don’t care, because I know who I am, as do the people who love me. I know I’m not evil. I feel good about myself … a feat achieved with the help of all the wonderful people in my life.’ He touched Dan’s arm, also incredibly uncharacteristically. ‘It is an honor to help others in a similar way.’

John was looking deep into his glass, obviously contemplating even deeper feelings. Dan couldn’t quite tell what was on his mind. He himself knew that it was not easy for Lucifer to express his feelings. He must feel very conflicted feeling so great about the work which is in itself keeping him away from the people he loved. Lucifer had reached over to the peanut bowl, cracked open a few shells and began throwing the nuts up in the air, trying to catch them in his mouth. One bounced off his nose… ‘Ah! Nearly.’ He tried again.

John watched him, smiling, having figured out his next question for the Devil. ‘Lucifer, it is truly a beautiful thing to find one’s calling, but what about you daughter and her mother… my daughter. I understand that your work is important on a… on a cosmic level.’ He took a deep breath in and let it out again. ‘I don’t understand why you aren’t together.’

Chapter Text

Deep breath in… deep breath out… What could he hear? He closed his eyes sweet, fragrant air rhythmically filled his lungs, enhancing his perfect buzz and his ears came to life. At the forefront of the orchestra of sounds in the garden, he could hear the chatter of souls now accustomed to having the Devil in their midst. This was accentuated by the rustling of leaves and in his mind’s eye he could so easily see the skinks and field mice scurrying about doing skink and mice things. He felt so very calm. He never really put much thought into it but, now wondered just how this place came to be. He heard the occasional birdsong from the little residents in the trees, perpetually roosting in this place that was forever evening. Daniel listened closely and heard the *chirp* *chirp* of crickets nearby and was suddenly reminded of the awkward situation unfolding at his table.

Lucifer had not answered John’s question immediately and Dan wanted to give the two men their space without leaving the table. He opened his eyes and looked around, quickly spotting the man who had waved at Lucifer earlier. He couldn't remember his name but he thought he recognized him as one of the people who’d recently arrived from Hell. Dan and Charlotte had been meeting some of the new arrivals and helping them to acclimatize. Heaven was designed in such a way where everything is completely perfect and one can experience somewhat of a paradise whiplash after having been tortured for so long. So, they checked up on the new guys and helped them find their friends or family if they had any or make new friends. They even held regular group meetings for the people who wanted to talk.

John, clearly having had enough of the silence, tried to clarify his question. Lucifer, presumably feeling the same way, figured out what he wanted to answer.

‘…What I meant was…’ John said, but was cut off by Lucifer.

‘We aren’t broken up…’ Lucifer reassured him. Dan watched them, both sets of kind eyes set upon each other. Both a little unsure and not wishing to cross a line or say something they’d regret. They both awkwardly gestured to each other to go first, and then it very amusingly happened again.

‘You’re in the pictures …’

‘Just because I’m not …’ Lucifer started. Dan did not envy either of them. He was more or less glad that he only had a mother in law to impress when he’d married Chloe, and he knew for a fact he’d be far less gracious were he in John’s position. He also pitied any boy who set his sights on Trixie. He knew very well that Lucifer would give the poor kid Hell on his behalf. Now, he wondered whether he should leave them to it, he could go back to his bed, perhaps read through his letters again, gaze at the photos until his eye shriveled up and rolled out of their sockets… but, he decided against it. God knows what Lucifer would get up to.

Lucifer put up a hand speaking quickly… ‘I’m sorry,’ he sat up straighter, uncrossing his legs. ‘I’m sorry, I must say this. I have not abandoned my family despite what most people now think… what they have to think. I don’t know what Daniel’s told you, but I didn’t really have a choice in the matter.

‘He told me…’ John glanced at Dan. Dan had. He remembered seeking out the man to tell him he had a new grandchild, and they’d met frequently after that.

‘I am doing what I have to do for the greater good and for a promise that I made to my daughter. I’m a Devil of my word – I don’t break promises, but you must believe me when I say I am testing the absolute limits of the promise I made without breaking it.’

‘I underst-’

‘Do you?’ Dan could hear the unspoken … if you did, then you wouldn’t be asking me such questions… he carried on, a little curt… a little blunt…. ‘When I say I am no longer tortured in Hell, I by no means imply that I don’t miss them when I’m away.’

John sighed; they were well into the second bottle of whisky by now. There was no risk of getting too drunk or pesky side effects like liver damage or hangovers, so he poured himself yet another glass and topped up the others’ too. ‘Dan and your brother, Amenadiel explained what was going on. I don't understand this time travel business… time loops. Frankly, it sounds nuts.’

‘Mmm… because drinking whisky in Heaven with the Devil is super normal.’ Dan added with a little chuckle.

‘Oooh snarky, Daniel. I like it.’ He high-fived Dan. ‘You wanna see something really nuts? I assume you haven’t figured out all the perks of this place…’ He closed his eyes took a deep breath and a massive bowl of cool ranch puffs appeared in front of him. ‘Want one?’ he offered, while simultaneously stuffing a handful into his face.

Dan and John caught each other’s eye. ‘No… man, we figured that out on day one…’ Lucifer feigned shock and tried to wipe his hands on Dan’s shirt. ‘Dick!!’

‘Whaaaat?? Mine are expensiiiiive!’

John, again with the eye-roll, laughed but tried to keep the boys on track. Dan really began to understand where Chloe had got some of her mannerisms from. He wondered what Trixie would retain from him. Would she remember or would she start doing Lucifery things? He felt little pangs of jealousy. ‘Humor me, Lucifer. What would happen if you stayed with them … raised your daughter?’ John asked.

And Lucifer explained… Dan helped fill in the gaps…. Had Rory not initiated the whole process which helped our dear Devil figure out his calling… Well, he might never have figured it out… ‘Or I might have. Who knows?’ He said, shrugging. ‘But… Would you risk the eternal damnation of millions upon millions of Dans and Charlottes stuck in Hell? One of the reasons I had originally wanted to be God when we fought the war …’ John frowned… ’The war against my no good manipulative bastard of a brother, Michael…. Well, one of the reasons was to save Dan from a truly unfair system. Do you know what Hell is like? It’s REALLY FUCKING AWFUL.’ He paused after each word then leaned back in his chair and lit a cigarette. ‘I’m not sure there is a number big enough for all the poor sods down there. Since the beginning of time, since the moment that guilt bloomed in the first heart … Hell came into existence. It’s a terrible living place that feeds on the stuff.’

Dan shuddered recalling his own very mild experience. He knew full well that others had had it much worse… are still having it much worse.

‘But you are seeing her now…’ John said helplessly. Dan understood where he was coming from. The whole situation was pretty mind-boggling and… sad, but he respected Lucifer ever so much for his decision, so he threw in his two cents.

‘I get it John, but she's too young to remember.’ Dan explained. ‘You know, he goes there as often as he can. He went to all of Trixie’s school events…’

‘I did…’

‘He threw her an amazing 13th birthday party last year…’

‘It was a fabulous party! I was the karaoke machine,’ he grinned, ‘there was dancing, and chocolate… I didn’t know that much chocolate could be consumed by tiny humans, but I was proven wrong!’

‘And he’s crazy about Chloe. I’ll admit, he’s had her back far more than I did when we were married…’

‘Also true…’

‘He was with Chloe when Rory was born…’ Dan added.

‘Yes, through the whole...’ He comically imitated the birthing process. ‘Oh it was aaaawful!’ He saw John’s face fall, eyes widen uncomfortably. ‘Oh! Not to worry, it’s all back to normal...’ he mouthed the next two words, ‘down there’ Dan shook his head contemplating kicking his clueless friend under the table again but feared he’d soon be wearing the bowl of puff if he did.

There was silence for a while, all three men probably trying not to think of vaginas and childbirth… or contemplating the magnitude of their earlier conversation, and then John spoke. ‘Lucifer, you really aren’t what I was expecting.’ He said. ‘I know, I know. Chloe chose you and I saw you save her. I knew you couldn’t be a bad guy…’

‘But you thought… Devil… there has to be something wrong with him…’ Lucifer offered.

'He didn't say there was nothing wrong with you!' Dan joked.

‘Well... I thought you’d be a little more sinister… horns perhaps…’

‘No!’ Dan looked Lucifer in the eye, anticipating an inappropriate horny joke. He turned to john. ‘Oh, don’t be disappointed… he is EVIL! Once he spent over a million dollars on an elaborate prank that made me think I got a whole mess of people killed.’

‘Because you shot me! Once, he was being a little shit at work, so I put laxatives in his favourite treat.’ Lucifer added popping a puff into his mouth, nearly chokings when he saw Dan splutter angrily.

‘It’s hard to believe, you seem like a big sofitie, Lucifer.’

‘I assure you,’ Lucifer gasped indignantly, ‘not one part of me is soft… I’m a big hard man… very tough… grrr.’

‘I bet! Dan managed to get out in between fits of laughter. ‘having to spend, what was it… thousands upon thousands of years alone?’ He and John burst out laughing again at the sight of Lucifer’s pouting face. ‘OK, guys, I’m done… I’m going home.’ Dan stood up. ‘John, do you think you can handle the big tough Devil alone?’ he asked, to which John nodded.

‘Oh! Daniel, will you tell dear Charlotte that I’ll be by later. I have some things for her.’

‘Sure, love ya man!’ slapping Lucifer’s shoulder and waving at John, he left.

And then there were two. ‘Do you have any more questions for me, John? I want to stretch my wings.’

‘Oh, just about a thousand…’

Lucifer got up, ‘I’ll give you two more, and then I really must be going. Walk with me.’

The garden was enormous and beautiful; one of the many ‘rooms’ in heaven for lack of a better word. The farther they walked, the less people were around and the wilder the place seemed. Wild fennel sprouted, bush-like between pomegranate and fig trees. As they walked, John plucked a fig and began to peel it slowly. ‘For my first question, I guess, I want to know why you had such a terrible relationship with your dad and how you really became the Devil.’

‘Oh! Very sneaky way of getting two questions in one.’ Lucifer complemented. ‘Weeelll, the answer is very complicated, but let’s just say, in the beginning… he wasn’t so much of a dad as he was a dictator, in the middle he was not so much of anything, in the end, well… in the end it seemed like he’d had a plan after all. Now, how did I become the Devil, well, I rebelled thinking I could do a better job and he very viciously and mercilessly banished me from my home. Had he been less mysterious and more upfront about the whole ‘plan’ thing I might have been less bitter about it all, but never mind. I’m over it... more or less. Hand me one of those…’ he said as John reached up for another fig. ‘Now what’s your second question?’

‘It’s not so much of a question as it is a favour.’ He said and hurried right along when he saw the look on Lucifer’s face. ‘I hoped that you could tell me more about your daughter. She is my granddaughter after all.’

Lucifer’s face split into a massive grin. This was the easiest favour in the world. He’d been telling anyone who’d listen about his brilliant little angel. ‘I mean she doesn't do much, babies are relatively boring little blobs… but she does nothing so well’ He pulled out his phone again. ‘Look at that smile look at her little cheeks...’ He showed a photo of her little baby bum... ‘She's got pooping down... A1 sleeper... Trail blazer in the crawling department... She's great at spotting when there are hidden veggies she doesn't like in her food... She’d be an amazing detective just like her mother.’ And he went on… and on… until he could talk no more. ‘I think I should go… souls need saving and all that…’ He smiled.

‘Is it safe to drink and fly?’ John asked, concerned.

‘Well…’ He thought of the time he accidentally flew right through a billboard under the influence of all the drugs... and then some. ‘Well, alcohol doesn’t really affect me the same way it does humans, but maybe I should crash at my brother’s place. I’d love an excuse to annoy God 2.0.’ With that, he unfurled his wings. ‘Lovely meeting you, Daddy Decker… you must interrogate me over a drink again sometime soon.’ And he was gone.