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Steve read a line from the paperback resting on his lap. He couldn't say what was going on in the story, his eyes kept going back to Tony's tensed shoulders. The man had been drumming his finger on his knees for the better part of the evening and was now starting to bite his nails, eyes transfixed on the quilt that covered their bed during the coldest months of the year. He clearly had something on his mind, and Steve was getting almost as curious as he was worried. He folded the corner of his page and closed the book.
"Honey you okay?"
He accompanied his question with his toes brushing against Tony's leg. Getting Tony's attention was an art in itself.
Tony looked at him, eyes wide with surprise.
"Mh?"
"You alright?" he repeated.
Tony blinked slowly and started to chew his cheek. His eyes got lost on the quilt again as he nodded slowly. Steve set the book aside on his bedside table and sat up. He rested his cheek on Tony's shoulder, the smell of shampoo and that lotion Tony used for his beard sweet and familiar.
"What's going on in your head ?" he asked in a conspiracy tone.
Tony curled his hands together and uncurled them a few times before sighting.
"I'm gonna be sixty,"he said, eyes fixed on his hands.
Steve looked at his husband's hands too, because he didn't know what to say to that. A joke ? 'Yes that happens sometimes, time does that to people.' A reassurance that his birthday party was on track? Tony wasn't supposed to know that there was a party, but maybe he was worried they'd forget about it.
"I never thought I would..."
Steve's head jerked up at that, something in his gut twisting in a familiar way. Tony had told him about the arc reactor issues, when Steve was still in the ice, about Stane, Ivanko and the numerous others that had attempted to Tony's life. He talked about those like they were just little misadventures, about Afghanistan like had just been a particularly shitty vacation, even though he still woke up screaming during the hottest nights of summer. Steve always felt sick when he listened to those. Sick and so, so angry.
Tony waved his hands around, oblivious to Steve's throat closing on itself. His hands finally landed back on his crossed legs.
"It's weird," he concluded with a shrug.
Steve held onto Tony's shoulder, the mere thought of him not being there making him nauseous.
Tony ducked his head and scratched the back of his neck.
"And I've been thinking, maybe..." He folded and unfolded the quilt between his fingers. " 'been thinking about how lucky we are to be here, and, and we're..." He turned to look Steve in the eye, "We're growing old together," he whispered, as if saying it out loud would challenge the universe to change that, his face open in almost childish awe, despite the laugh lines and the graying hair at his temple that he expertly dyed a shade lighter than the rest of his hair.
Tony was looking at him through his long black eyelashes, hazel eyes earnest and open.
Steve nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He held onto Tony a bit tighter.
"And I want that, I want that so bad." He uncrossed his legs to fully face Steve, and tangled their legs together, abandoning the quilt on the bed. He took Steve's hand in his. They were rough and damaged with years of working and building. Rough skin drew nervous circles on his knuckles. "And I've been thinking, maybe it's time for us to take the time to enjoy that."
Tony's mouth formed a thin apprehensive line as he looked up to Steve. He clenched on Steve's hands.
"Are you... Are you talking about retirement?"
Tony tightened his grip on Steve's hands, his ring digging into Steve's skin. His lips formed a tigh line as he looked up apprehensively at Steve.
"Maybe ? I mean, you know, we'd stayed around to help the new recruits if need be, and maybe, like, universe ending threats, but i can't-" he took a deep inspiration and the curved of his shoulders slimped a little. "I don't want to spend the time we have together wondering if we're going to make it home at the end of the day. I know Captain America is important to you and I know we have a duty to-"
"Okay."
"-the people and obviously- wait, really?"
"Yeah. I think we both did our part, and more. I wouldn't be opposed to retirement. There's nothing I'd rather do than spend my time with you."
Tony searched his face a moment before cupping his face and kissing him. Steve's hands found their way to Tony's waist automatically.
"I love you,"Tony breathed when they parted. "I could marry you again right now," he chuckled.
Steve easily brought him closer to chest and kissed Tony again.
"Would you make me the honor of being my husband, Anthony Edward Stark-Rogers ?" He asked, half-joking. He could ask everyday if it meant hearing Tony say yes over and over again.
"A thousand times yes."