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She walked the sidewalk, bundling her scarf closer to her face and pulling her hat down. And still, she shivered, snowflakes falling onto her jacket. The path was covered in her newly printed footprints, fresh snow on her shoes . She huffed out hot, smokey breath from her lips while pulling her bag back, that kept slipping off of her, onto her back.
The snow had caused a surprise. It was suspected to become worse overnight. Because of this, her lecture was suddenly cancelled, and she would have called it a miracle…
… if it weren’t for the fact it was ten minutes before said class started. And with the shutdown of all the roads, she was forced to leave her car in the college parking lot and instead trudge her way home. While everyone else could easily walk to their homes, she had chosen an off campus apartment that was a good fifteen minutes away. Not a far walk, until you are going through one of the worst snow storms of the year.
She tried not to curse herself. She was better than that. It was all according to God's plan, right? To suffer through piles of snow while others were already comfy in their dorms, snuggling under warm blankets and cheering their cancelled classes?
She wondered if it was something she did that caused this.
If she over thought it now it would cause her more pain then reassurance, so she suppressed those thoughts, trudging along.
And then finally, after what felt like hours in the blistering cold, she was at her apartment building. Once she walked in she relished in the warmth of indoor heating, and slumped into the elevator towards her floor. She could almost pass out there, but had enough consciousness and sense not to. Instead she pulled herself up to her floor and quickly walked towards her apartment.
When she opened the door, she heard quick, little paws bouncing on the wood floor. She took off her jacket and scarf, and slammed her bag on the floor. Chiffon appeared right before her, and immediately ran towards her legs, jumping up and down on them. She picked him up and held him tightly in her arms, thankfully already prepared.
“Didn’t expect me to come back so fast, huh?”
She noticed that another jacket was hanging in the closet while Chiffon licked her cold cheeks. She wondered if he also had classes cancelled. But she had not seen him before she left for the day, nor saw him on the way back to the apartment. And his car in the front had been piled in snow, like he hadn’t driven it all day. Curiously, she called out.
“I’m home!”
No reply.
Holding Chiffon to her chest, she slowly walked into her living room, untouched from when she first left. She headed for the hallway and down to their bedroom, opening the door.
The room had no lights on, but she saw a lump on the bed covered in copious amounts of blankets. Chiffon jumped out of her arms and went towards the other side of the bed. She watched the lump pick him up and place him on the bed. She sat on top of the bed, and the lump switched sides towards her.
“You’re back early.”
There Red was, holding Chiffon under the blanket in his arms. He snuggled the dog under his chin.
“My classes got cancelled due to the snow storm. Were your’s?”
“I wouldn’t have known. I didn’t even know it was snowing outside.”
She reached out for his cheek and he accepted it, leaning into her touch. He blinked slowly up at her. She rubbed her thumb on his cheek and scooted closer to him, noticing his eyebags and glossy eyes.
She slowly positioned herself to lay on the bed, and he pulled her towards him, moving her under the blankets. He rested his head on her chest. She moved her hand from his cheek to his hair, which was uncombed and knotted while she ran her fingers through it. Chiffon was squashed between them, but his tail was wagging and he excitedly continued to glance at one, and then the other, over and over.
“You’re really cold.”
“I was out all day in the snow.”
He rubbed his face in her chest.
“Yeah.”
His voice was quieter than. And the tears started to flow. He put his arms around her and hid himself in her, his body shaking. He held her like his life depended, his arms tight around her waist. She was silent, only petting his hair, thinking.
She remembered yesterday, when they were outside on a stroll. He was laughing with her, while Chiffon pulled on his leash excitedly, pulling them around the sidewalk. He was using his good hand, which allowed him to finally pull Chiffon and gently scold him. But she noticed how Red immediately petted him after and allowed him to give him kisses. She noticed how his cheeks were warm from all the laughing. She noticed that the sternness he carried elsewhere was diminished. And she noticed that she had special permission to watch it, allowed by him.
His sternness was gone today as well, but it made her heart ache instead.
She had permission to see him like this too, but she wondered if she deserved it. She felt pathetic just holding him to her, unable to even muster up the courage to say anything.
She could help so many others, whether it be with her peers in classes, in her church, or even just learning about the law to one day protect others.
But him. She couldn’t protect him. And she didn’t know why.
She desperately wanted to.
She dug her face deeper in his hair. He was almost clawing at her back at this point, but she let it happen, instead humming. She kept moving her lips, as though she would say something, but nothing came out.
Why was this so hard for her? She kept telling herself to speak.
She stayed silent.
The only sounds of the room were the clock ticking and his occasional sniffs. His shaking slowly winded down until he finally slumped under her, breathing heavily. They both hadn’t noticed that Chiffon at some point had slipped out from the blanket and laid on top of the bed instead. She let out a sigh, and he looked up at her, his cheeks now covered in wetness.
“Are you okay?”
She wanted to say yes, but they both hated dishonesty. So instead of saying anything, she just snuggled his face back into her.
“I’m sorry”, he said.
She knew what it meant. He was sorry for burdening her. He was sorry for daring to come out and show his true expressions, and not mask it with sarcasm and jabs at her. He was sorry for not being strong enough for her. He was sorry for allowing himself to be vulnerable instead of stern.
She just ached more on the inside. She finally found some words to say, however.
“I’m sorry I can’t help you.”
She blurted it out, and regretted the words immediately. It was the absolute worst time to butt herself in right now. He was supposed to be the focus. Why couldn’t she do right with him. Why-
He suddenly, with all of his strength, pulled her on top of him while he moved onto his back. She yelped in surprise, gripping onto him and laying her head on his chest. She looked at his face and saw him finally smiling, a little twinkle coming back to his eyes.
“What are you talking about? You always help me.”
A choked sob came out of her throat. He put his hands on her cheeks and gently kissed her forehead.
“Thank you for being here. That’s all I needed.”
Her eyes widened but she quickly closed them, allowing herself to relax on him.
They stayed like that. For how long, they didn’t know, but clearly too long, because Chiffon was getting impatient. First it was a yip, and then he jumped on the bed and yipped louder. And then he went right in between both of their faces, wiggling.
They got the hint then. Pastry got off of him while Red laughed and pushed Chiffon gently on the bed, revealing his tummy. He petted him there and then his face, squishing it.
“Bad dog. Bad, bad dog. Such a bad dog, interrupting us.”
Of course, his tone was high pitched and teasing, and Chiffon was finally satisfied with all the attention he got, his tongue lolling out. Red was smiling brightly, and then he turned to Pastry, who was stretching herself.
“No classes?”
She nodded.
“Are you willing to help me with the stuff I missed today then?”
“Fine. But I’m not doing your work for you.”
“Aw, that’s the best part! Right Chiffon?”
He pushed Chiffon to her face and used an extremely high pitched voice, mimicking what the poor dog would sound like, while flailing his arms.
“That’s right! That’s the best part! And I’m always right, cause I’m a dog!”
She pushed him away, hiding her face to hide her laughter.
He put Chiffon to the floor and then pulled Pastry to him.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome”, she whispered.