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"How long?" The question hung in the air, stiffly so.
The sky above was warm, grey clouds beginning to roll over the blue sky, darkening the sun's rays. It would rain soon. The grass beneath Hendrik was comfortable, his lavender hair splayed out beneath his head, his turquoise gaze weary. His question sat heavily even after it had left his tongue, eyes never leaving the woman it was directed to. Sylvia was so busy humming, she almost missed his words - the song in her throat nearly drowning Hendrik's question. Nearly.
She barely looked up from her gardening, fingers caked in dirt when response finally came, "How long until what?"
Hendrik's hands were no better. His gloves were coated in their own layer of thick earth. His side of the garden was half-finished, his vegetables only half planted. However, he remained motionless in the grass just a few steps away, flat on his back, hands folded over his chest. Mud stained the blues of his tunic, dirty fingers curled into the fabric as he sucked in a deep breath, "How long until I do it again?"
"Do what, darling?" Sylvia wiped the sweat from her brow, giving a soft sigh before she turned to look at her partner.
Although Hendrik remained unmoving, his eyes never left her. They were wary, careful. Expecting the unexpected. He swallowed thickly, Sylvia watching the lump be forced down his throat, "You are angry with me."
The statement caught her off guard, a frown pressing to her lips, "No? I don't recall having any reason to be angry. Why? Is something troubling you, Hendrik?"
He did not answer. Not immediately, anyway. His eyes glazed, finally looking to the sky instead of her, "Earlier you said you were tired of me."
"Tired of you?" Sylvia frowned deeply, "Oh, honey, I could never tire of you! Where would you ever get that idea?”
Hendrik exhaled softly, choosing his words carefully. He took long pauses before each sentence, thinking about every individual word before it left his mouth, “You asked me to do the laundry three separate times and not once did I do it. I meant too but that did not make you any less angry.” he waved his hand aimlessly, “Rightfully so, of course, but… you had said you were tired of me in the heat of the moment.”
His partner thought on that, accidentally smearing dirt on her face as she rubbed her chin, “Oh, dear, I did not mean it like that… I was only kidding, I promise you! Just a little exasperated and nothing more. You did do it eventually, I watched you wash them this afternoon, so what’s the fuss? I’m over it now.”
“Are you really, though?” Hendrik inquired, a sense of urgency haunting his tone.
Sylvia’s brow furrowed, finding the glint in Hendrik’s turquoise gaze curious. His eyes flickered with strong emotion, one he refused to reveal, his partner left to worry. She shifted away from where the flowers she had been tending to sat, the blossoms the least of her worries now. Instead, she moved to where she could give Hendirk her full attention, getting the feeling something was deeply wrong, “Hendrik, my love, I promise I really did not mean that. I’m not angry anymore, if I was I wouldn’t have come out here and helped you with the yard work. Honest!”
No response came, Hendrik letting go of his tunic to quietly pick at the dirt on his gloves. It had begun to harden now, the man sullen as he began to pick it away, Sylvia biting her lip as she awaited any sign he had at least heard her. She gave it a few heartbeats before she nearly tripped over her words, feeling her heart threaten to break at the mere thought of having hurt the other so, “Hendrik, darling, please believe me– No matter how angry I am with you, I will never, ever , tire of you! If I had thought something as simple as the laundry not being done was going to make me upset to that point, I would never have made my vows to you. ‘Till death do us part. I promised.”
“I know that.” Hendrik stopped her before she could begin rambling, giving her a moment of relief even as her face began to splotch, “I knew you were just frustrated. You did not mean it.”
Sylvia put her hand on her chest if only to quell her poor heart, “Then… what’s wrong? Did I do something?”
“It is not a matter of what you have done.” Hendrik’s eyes closed, partly, “It is what I’ve done.”
“What you’ve done?” her worry grew, “Is… Is there something you’re not telling me, Hendrik?”
Quiet lingered between them, Hendrik’s words seemingly caught in his throat. He trod lightly, Sylvia noticing how tense he was. He looked as if he were moments away from springing to his feet and bounding into battle, far too alert for her comfort. When he finally spoke, he was quiet, scarcely louder than the brewing storm above, “I have been doing a lot of thinking recently.”
Sylvia did not prompt him this time. Instead, she fell curiously quiet, patient as she awaited what followed. Hendrik continued to pick at his gloves, chipping away the filth if only to have something to do, Sylvia leaning expectantly forward. The motion, as nonchalant and insignificant as it was, nearly made him jump out of his skin, both partners startling. That strange emotion flickered in Hendrik’s eyes once more but it did not go unnoticed this time. Sylvia was paying attention now - her heart dropping.
It was fear. Fear unlike any she had ever seen from the mighty Sir Hendrik. And truthfully, it was enough to send terror shooting up her spine, whipping her head around in expectation to meet the dripping maw of some horrible monster but to her surprise… There was nothing. Nothing but quiet rippling fields of wheat.
Her eyes darted back and forth, prepped for any sign of trouble but there was nothing more than the occasional passing slime, Sylvia left floored. If there was no beast, then what was Hendrik so scared of?
She finally turned to look at him once more, the man’s eyes still narrowed toward her. Even when partly closed, his turquoise gaze stayed wary. He remained just as tense, just as alert as he was before, startling a second time from her movement. Horror seeped into Sylvia’s gut when realization finally dawned on her; Hendrik was scared of her!
But why?
She couldn’t make sense of it. Sylvia had watched him tangle many a beast, monster and man alike! He had taken down fearsome foes powerful enough to send any soldier packing! Sir Hendrik was one of the greatest knights Erdrea had ever seen! (besides the great sterling Sylvia, mind you!) He had fought so fearlessly beside none other than the Luminary himself, helping slay some of the biggest bads Sylvia had ever had the displeasure of meeting – what in Yggdrasil’s name could she have done to spook him more than Mordegon ever could?
“Hendrik…” she started ever so gently but stopped.
Hendrik’s brows furrowed but he said nothing, Sylvia heaving a sigh. Carefully, she shifted to sit on her knees, moving her hands to where he could see them. She revealed empty palms, giving him a small, worried, frown.
“Why are you scared of me?” She asked him softly, her voice raw, Hendrik finally responding.
He clutched the front of his tunic once more, his quivering lip betraying the emotions he tried to bury, “I… I fret that I shall make that same mistake again. That one day... You will be unable to stand me no more.”
Sylvia tipped her head wordlessly, holding her breath as he went on, “It is no secret that I can be rather aloof to those around me. I can never forgive myself for what happened with Jasper…” the mere mention of the man made her heart hurt for him, “But… Have I truly learned anything? If I were to drive someone to that point again, would I even know it?”
Hendrik sucked in a sharp shaky breath, looking at his palms, “I have a tendency to drive away everyone I have ever cared for. I mean – I pushed my own best friend, the only person who I thought was truly on my team, to try and kill me. And I didn’t even know it. I had thought everything was okay. I thought Jasper knew I thought the world of him. I had no idea how far I was from the truth until I found his blade at my throat.” he swallowed, “For years I was haunted by what fate had seemingly claimed Princess Jade at Dundrasil. I never forgave myself for being unable to save her. Yet, the first thing I did when I saw her alive and well? After all those years? I pushed her away. I made her my enemy. Just as I did Jasper.”
It took all the self-control Sylvia had to stay still, her own voice weak, “Honey…”
Hendrik fell stiffly quiet once more, his partner clamping her mouth back shut. It was a long moment before Hendrik had the strength to bear his heart raw once more, his eyes dampening even as he fought with all he had not to break what little composure he had left, “I truly hope it is no secret how much I care for you, Sylvia. I feel that I cannot tell you that I love you nearly enough - that I could not express how deeply I mean that even if I had a thousand lifetimes to spend telling you. So… that is why I must ask you, how long? How long until I make that error again? Until I lose you just the same?”
Sylvia felt tears well into her eyes with every word that tumbled from Hendrik’s mouth, the man only continuing, “How long until I misstep and drive you to hate me as I did them? Until the day I find your sword at my throat like I found Jade’s foot and Jasper’s spear? Surely, eventually, I will make you hate me too. And… I do not think I could fight another time.” his voice cracked with emotion, “I could never hurt you, Sylvia. No matter what you did to me.”
Another trembling breath was taken by the brute, “I am so tired of having to fight those I love… but, yet, I fear I remain just as foolish. That no matter how desperately I wish to prevent myself from ever doing so – I will repeat my worst nightmare. Over and over again until finally, someone succeeds in claiming my life… Can it even be helped? Is it inevitable?” he was no longer talking to Sylvia, eyes fixated blankly into the distance, “How long?”
“Never.” Sylvia blurted her response faster than she could control, grabbing at her pants to will herself to stay still, “Never, ever will that happen.”
“What makes you certain?” Hendrik asked with damp eyes, wiping at his face.
Slowly, he pushed himself upright. He heaved with the effort, rasping in another shuddery breath, whipping his head around in surprise when Sylvia spoke. Certainty edged her words, her voice far louder than either anticipated, “Because I won’t let it happen!”
Hendrik turned to meet her silver eyes at last, his own gaze deeply searching. Doubt clouded his features, Sylvia clamping her hand over her mouth in surprise at her outburst. She hadn’t meant to be that loud but… oh, what did it matter?
“Can I come closer?” she asked.
Even if wary, Hendrik approved with a weak smile, “Permission granted.”
Sylvia then hurried over on all fours, scurrying to take a place in her partner’s lap. Upon instinct, Hendrik’s arms found themselves around her waist, the golden band of his wedding ring gleaming in what little sunlight remained above. They had not even noticed when it had begun to rain, the soft sprinkling turning to heavy droplets that soaked them both to their core. Even through dark skies, Hendrik’s turquoise eyes seemed to glow as Sylvia cupped his face in careful fingers. She gave him a soft smile, grazing her thumbs across his cheeks, “Hendrik, my darling, I need you to listen to me, okay? That’s all I ask of you.”
Hendrik held his breath, warm color dusting his cheeks, “Okay.”
“I hereby swear it to you that I shall never let any of that happen. I promise with all of me, all of my heart, that I will never grow tired of you. Nor will I ever want to harm a hair on your pretty purple head.”
His brow furrowed, “But how can you be so certain? Jasper and I-”
Sylvia interrupted him, “Nevermind Jasper! Forget about all of that for just this one moment, won’t you?”
The brute nodded slowly, starting to try and look away – quickly finding Sylvia would not permit it. She kept his face caressed into her palms, even as the falling rain began to slick his hair to his skull, “Do you want to know why I know?”
“More than anything.” Hendrik breathed.
“We’ll talk about it. We’ll always talk about it.”
“I… I am afraid that I’m not following.” he frowned.
“Do you feel better now that you spoke up?” Sylvia asked him earnestly, “Did it lighten the ache in your chest? Or, do you think you would have been better if you had kept quiet on that? Do you think things would be easier if I didn’t know what was going on? If you kept it all bottled up?”
Hendrik thought on that for a moment, digesting the words, “Hm, I do feel a little more at ease than I did...” he admitted quietly, “But, how will that stop anything?”
Sylvia pat his cheek, “Well, firstly, you’re already feeling better and all you’ve done is mention it! That’s already progress in my book! Secondly, Must I remind you of our vows again?” she gave a lighthearted tsk, “How does that old spiel go again? "I, Sylvia, take you, Hendrik, for my lawful husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part? Do you remember any of that?"
“Remember it?” Hendrik managed a laugh, “I remember it as if we had spoken them only yesterday.”
She tsked, “If you remember, why do you act as if I hadn’t meant every word of it? I thought you knights were so serious about your pacts! promised to love you through everything, silly arguments and the yucky mean thoughts in your head included.” Sylvia brushed soggy strands of lavender hair out of both their faces, “I can never be mad at you, so long as you tell me what’s going on. You’ll promise me that, won’t you?”
“It is my word, Sylvia.”
“Then let us make it official with an oath.” The retired jester gently took Hendrik’s right hand into her own, interlacing their fingers, “Let us promise here and now we’ll tell each other everything, good or bad. That way nothing can ever get between us and brew. We’ll tell each other how we feel bout things then and there so nothing can fester.”
“Just as we did with the laundry? When you expressed annoyance I went outside then and there so you had nothing more to be angry about?” Hendrik asked with the tilt of his head, “Do you truly think that will work? For all the years to come? I want to believe you but…”
“Just like the laundry! Forgive and forget is a phrase for a reason, honey!”
Hendrik looked as if a massive weight had been lifted off his shoulders, relief passing over his features as he sighed, “Alright.” he then pulled her hand closer, bringing it up to his lips, “I swear from this day onward, I will do my best to keep communication clear and, like every other day, I will love you with my every breath.” he pressed a kiss to her knuckles.
Sylvia let out a soft giggle, letting him do so with a smile, “I promise you, Hendrik, that none of that will ever happen to us. I swear it to you because I know you won’t let it happen. My efforts are already nothing compared to yours, darling. You care. You have already done so much to work against it even if you don’t realize. You have always made an effort to make me happy again if something goes wrong and you do not let yourself have tantrums anymore; you have made so many great strides to better yourself in such little time. You express how much you care with everything you do - even if you don’t say anything. Your actions have always spoken so much louder than words. Every little improvement says the world and more.”
Hendrik blinked in surprise as that, flustering to find her words so touching, “I… Thank you, Sylvia.” he wiped at his face with his freehand, sending water droplets cascading, “I wished to be better. I did not want to be the same person I was then with you. You deserve so much more than that.”
Sylvia took in a deep breath, her grin wide, “That is all I could ever ask of you, Hendrik… Now-” her smile turned to a smirk in the very next heartbeat, “Can I have a kiss now? Please, love?”
Hendrik’s laugh was soft, nearly lost to the quiet crackle of distant thunder, “Of course.”
Rain continued to fall from the clouds above when it was Hendrik’s turn to take Sylvia’s face into his hands, unable to help a smile as he pressed his lips to hers. Their eyes fluttered closed in sync, the brute pulling his partner all the closer. In that moment, with the storm soaking them both, Hendrik could pretend his tears were nothing but fallen raindrops, the fuzzy feeling left in his chest keeping them both warm.