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annushka wanted to be welcomed to motherhood with open arms but was ultimately spit on upon the birth of her child, andrew. her child was so beautiful to her, she couldn’t understand why she was told to give him up. if she couldn’t take care of him, then who would? she couldn’t let him on his own, he was only four years old.
if anything, the rumors spread about them were more horrifying than the illness he had. andrew was too young to know exactly what they were saying about him, and too young to understand every venomous word spewed, yet he always was in ear’s reach to hear them. no child should be hearing such vile things, and all annushka could do was make sure that no one hurt her child.
everyone always asked her why she is keeping such a disgrace of a child. why should a mother ever hear such words? a mother’s love is kind, it is genuine and it is pure. if no one had your back, a mother always would. and annushka loved her dear son with every fiber in her being.
watching andrew grow to be his own person was such a lovely experience. even if he couldn’t enjoy the sun like the other kids would and play with them, he still found ways around. although, annushka always wanted him to have friends to play with. she felt that one day andrew would grow too tired of her and not want to be around her, as older children tend to do.
she sometimes thought about how life would had been for andrew had he not been born with albinism. it was a very selfish thought, but everyone has those thoughts from time to time. no amount of dwelling on the possibility of a different reality could make it happen.
but it still made her ponder. andrew wouldn’t have to fight to live, he wouldn’t avoid the sun and run through it bravely, the villagers would leave their family alone, she could go to church with her son and not be scrutinized, he would get to grow up with the other kids in his town, he wouldn’t be told he was a freak of nature, he would go to a public school, he would have nicer clothes and maybe, just maybe, even annushka would be told she would have been a good mother.
nobody ever told annushka she was a good mother; only a heretic for prolonging this monstrous child's life. disgusting words. but whatever feeling she had about this was sidelined because the words said about andrew were much worse. she could defend herself, but andrew couldn’t. she would take every hit and stone meant for her son. her body may have ached for so long, but no child deserved such treatment.
no matter what hardships that came their way, it never made her love for her son diminish. andrew was a kindhearted kid at heart, even if he was often skittish and quiet. he liked to read books that were too complex for him, he liked to help out in the vegetable garden and help pick out the food, he liked to listen to his mother sing, he liked to scribble on paper with his worn down crayons, he liked to run around the house and have his mother chase him. he was, at his core, just a child.
not all their days were gloomy and terrible, though. whenever annushka had the time and whenever the villagers would be inside, she would take her son up to the big flower meadow, where no one would ever find them. they would pick the flowers, with andrew picking the prettiest only for his mother. he often picked the irises out, saying that they would make her look so pretty.
she always told him that he was such a thoughtful child, and that anyone would be happy to have him as their son. though andrew knew the reality of the situation, hearing such comforting words put his troubled mind to ease. and then they would run back home, flowers in the basket that andrew carefully held, to put into a vase on the table. she always told him that she hopes that he would grow up into a kind, wonderful person.
but annushka had another selfish thought. she wanted her baby to stay little forever; her son growing up was the hardest thing ever for her to face. she remembers when andrew was a newborn baby, when the doctor told her that he had albinism and that she should give him up, where she held him in her arms. he was so small, his eyes stayed shut because the light was too strong for his eyes. he was very whiny because of this, and annushka could tell it was irritating the doctor.
but she refused to give him up.
she knew what would happen if she kept him, she always knew from the moment andrew was born into this world. but him being born into this world was the best thing ever to happen to annushka, and she vowed to be the best mother she could ever be. he was perfect as he was. how could a doctor, someone wise in their profession and would do anything to help their patient, tell such horrid things to a mother? wouldn’t a mother want to hear what she can actually do for her child?
motherhood was something annushka always wanted, and she was ready for anything to come her way. maybe when her son was born she figured that motherhood would not have the open arms she wanted, but she was determined to give her son the best life that she could give him. she loved him more than anything in the world.
as the years went by, little andrew was growing up to be a fine, young man. if he were to push his hair to the side, one could see the resemblance of his mother. he was still the reserved and timid boy, but he was older now, even if annushka still saw the little boy in him. and despite everything, he was proving to be the best man that he could possibly be. even if everyone around him couldn’t see that.
but his poor mother’s health was ailing the older he got.
andrew knew it, that his mother’s health was declining as the years progressed. he could see it in annushka’s eyes, as they grew tired and weak, and how her posture became more frail. but she would never tell him to worry about her, that was something she never wanted him to think about. a kid should never have to worry about their parent in the way that the parent worries about their kid.
but andrew always worried. she was doing too much for someone like him. he always wanted to repay her. it was the least he could do, for being such a monster to ever walk forth on the earth. but she often told him that he never needed to repay her for bringing him into the world, it was her choice to and all she asked was for andrew to be his fullest self he could be.
when her time was nearing, andrew was by her side through it all. he held her hand one last time, like he would always do, to give her comfort as she lay in the bed that they would share. he could see their younger selves in that bed, happily laughing as she held him in her arms. oh to be a young, stupid, careless, but kind boy again.
andrew’s hand was larger than hers now. her grip on him was lighter than usual, which andrew sadly took note in. he even had a damp rag gently placed over her face, to ease her burning forehead. and so she couldn’t see his tears.
“andrew,” she quietly whispered. “i know you’re crying.”
truth be told andrew was horrible hiding his emotions around her. she always knew what he was feeling. he gently scoffed, smiling solemnly, even with tears fresh on his face.
“there’s no need to cry for me. you will be fine.”
and how could annushka know that? andrew had that selfish thought run through his head, which he scorned for thinking during such a troubling time. but he sighed gently, he knew that his mother had selfish thoughts too. it was natural. and since she had done so much for him, maybe she knew that he would be okay.
“even if the world was cruel to you, i know you will make it out there. even with people using rumors and malevolence as weapons to people that are different from them, i know you have your place on this earth. but you are such a kind, strong man, you will be rewarded.”
andrew couldn’t take hearing her words anymore, her voice aching as she spoke. he wanted her to pass peacefully, so bad.
“so my dear andrew, please do not cry for my departure. you do not need to cry for me anymore. the years that have gone by have been nothing but a joy and a pleasure to experience. i am so glad to have been your mother.”
his tears grew stronger, while trying so hard to stifle his cries. and i am so glad to have been your son, mom.
“death may separate people, but… it ultimately reunites them.”
please don’t go, please don’t leave me alone.
“i love you,” andrew finally spoke up, choking a bit on his tears. “please don’t go…”
annushka laughed ever so softly. “oh, dear andrew…”
even with the rag on her face, her other hand trailed up to his face to brush the tears away and cusp his face. he leaned in forward so it was easier on her to do so.
“i want you to live the best life.”
as annushka’s spirit finally left, her hands had let go of andrew. she would never get to hold her little bundle of joy anymore. he was careful to put them together, one on top of the other, resting on top of the blanket.
he stayed there for a long while, resting his head against her body. he didn’t dare to disturb her, wanting her to rest in peace. but he knew he’d have to put her to rest truly soon; she deserved a proper burial.
after all the tears that had been shed, andrew didn’t dare move his position. while laying there, he thought of his mother and what she’d say if she saw him like this. he wanted her hand to run through his hair again, to tell him it’s okay. to hear her voice again.
he let out another sigh. “thank you mother, for everything throughout the years. to be my mother was the best thing to ever happen to me.” he stopped again, knowing that his mother would want him to say something else. “... to be your son was also the best thing to ever happen. i cannot express how much i thank and love you.”
above everything else, andrew was her son and annushka was his mother. she went against everything and everyone’s words to have him, and he kept going because she gave him the strength to. now that she has done her job and can rest in true peace, it is up to andrew to carry out her will.
“i will not let you down.”