Work Text:
October 1979
John Lennon was surprised to get a letter from Astrid. It had been years since he had last heard from his late friend Stuart Sutcliffe fiancé. Astrid had such a bleak life, never fully recovering from Stuarts death. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but even the successful man never forgot this dead friend and… lover. A year shy of forty, the ex-Beatle was just coming to terms with what he and Stuart did together sexually, as very young men.
The musician loved Astrid, who was a talented photographer, because of Stuart. Astrid was a lovely blond haired girl when they met, now a sad woman. Unlucky in love, except once, which ended tragically, she was a kind person. She was one of the few true friends John really had. It warmed him to read her letter. Though she tried to seem happy, he could read the sadness hidden between the lines.
She was doing well, working in her profession. All good, she deserved that. Clearly love has missed her again. He could tell she was lonely. The poor dear, she deserved happiness! The truth was half of her died with Stuart and she never could truly live without him. Stuarts ghost lingered over her, you could see it in her eyes. The sadness always haunted Lennon, but he found it made him love her more. She was his supernatural link to the departed friend and John was her link to her lost lover. Their lost lover…
Astrid was cleaning out her attic when she found some old film and discovered it contained forgotten pictures of Stuart. Enclosed were prints from that discovery. Clearly this was his friends way of giving him a birthday present, which was only a few days ago. This was quite thoughtful of this dear girl, as Stuart Sutcliffe was always dear to him. He was lost to both of them and they still mourned the dead twenty-one year old.
Finally he mustered up the courage to see the pictures. It was beautiful. The black and white images were of Stuarts last winter. He wore his black leather jacket, smoking cigarettes in a wondrous white winter wonderland. The picture was Stuart in a snow bank, under a tree. His black glasses shielding his face. The image was haunting, especially with the lack of color.
The photo afterwards was Stuarts backside, with a line of footprints in the snow. Very artistic, but not what one would want for reminiscing a lost friend. Still it was beautiful and Lennon found himself admiring it. Stuart was such a beautiful man and made a stunning model. He looked so angelic, yet fierce.
The next picture was of Stuart standing on a frozen bed of water. Ice and snow covered the vegetation. John could remember sharing a bed with Stuart whenever they stayed together. On one particular cold night, they huddled for warmth. The ice in the picture reminded John of that night, when they let their bodies touch for the first time
Moving to another image, Stuart leaned gracefully over a bench covered in snow. His glasses were off and his eyes were visible. Remembering Stuarts eyes as the two laid in that bed together, closer than they ever were before. John gave himself away with a shift in his pants. Stuarts eyes were soft, not mean and judgemental. He gave John a light kiss and rubbed him off, so he could sleep. The memory brought a tear to Lennon’s eye.
The final picture was of the two friends, John and Stuart. Astrid shot it as they met outside on that day, for rehearsal. The two were looking into each other’s eyes. Snow gathered atop the awning they were standing under. Icy sludge cluttered the pavement below. Yet the look of their silhouette was indeed warm.
On the back of the last picture Astrid left a message.
“Happy Birthday John! Stuart loved you as much as you loved him!”
John found himself crying at this message. God bless this true friend Astrid for knowing what he needed, even when he didn’t!