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“I don’t even know what that would feel like for me. Connecting with someone as my whole self” Kara says. It’s not the first time she’s thought about it but saying it out loud feels different. “To…” Kara breaths, “not be afraid to just be who I am.”
It’s one of the reasons she admires her sister: she can be herself, even if it took her a while to get to that point. But Kara? She just feels stuck. She has felt that way for the last 17 years, since she arrived to Earth. At first, she just told herself it was because of her powers, but now the world has change and as Alex said a month ago, aliens are not that strange now. So no, that’s not the only reason. She may try to convince herself it is, but the deep down, Kara knows the truth, even if it scares her.
“It sounds like it could be empowering” Lena says with a smile that Kara thinks could bright the whole world.
“But what if I let myself just be who I am and someone gets hurt?” Kara sighs. She wishes it could be easier, that she could have it all. To just be Kara.
“You can’t always be our savior, Kara. You shine your light and inspire others to shine theirs. Your words, not mine.”
And Kara can’t stop looking at her green eyes. They are mesmerizing.
“If somebody does come, if they try to mess with this family, then we will take them on together” Lena adds, feeling that Kara needs more than just a hope speech.
And for a moment, the Kryptonian believes her. She just sounds so reassuring, that she almost fools herself to think it could be true.
“El Mayarah”.
That’s what finally breaks her.
The first time she heard Lena said her family motto, she felt something inside her that she couldn’t quite describe, but at that moment, her mind was focused on defeating Lex and Nyxly. Now that they have finally won… It just hits different.
She can’t take it anymore and the tears starts falling down her cheeks. She automatically takes her glasses off, not thinking anyone could see her, just trying to control her emotions.
Before she realizes, Lena’s hands are on her shoulders. It’s not the first time they have touch, but Rao, feeling her hands on her bare shoulders and adding that to the overwhelming feelings she has right now…
“Hey, hey. It’s okay” Lena says.
But it’s not okay.
Kara can’t stop crying, and she isn’t even sure that Lena will understand, because of her sobbing, what she’s about to tell her.
“Of all the people that have been in my life, you have pushed me the most, challenged me the most.” The true isn’t always easy to say. She just feels like someone is suffocating her, but she’s just making herself feel that way.
The next things she feels are Lena’s arms surrounding her. Before now, Kara was the one with the comforting role, being there for the brunette every time she needed her. Now, Kara feels like the tables have turn. It’s strange to be the one being comforted -not protected, because Lena has always protected her-, but it just feels… good. Like exactly what she needs. Or at least the closest thing to it.
“You’ve me made a better person.” Lena whispers on her ear, and Kara quivers, not just because of what she says, but also because she can feel her lips close to her. She can even feel the warm of her mouth. “Thank you.”
What does Kara Danvers want?
She suddenly remembers the question that William asked her just a few months ago. At that moment, she just did was she thought was best, but now that Lex and Nyxly are finally out of the picture… Well, let’s just say that she has a new point of view.
She can finally understand what Kara wants. Not Danvers. Not Zor-El. Kara. Both sides of her.
She wants Lena.
Deep down she has always known, but she thought that there were more important matters to deal with. So she just kept pretending, swallowing her feelings until they have overwhelmed her.
“I never told you I tried to change the timeline so I could fix things with you” Kara says, dropping the bomb like it wasn’t something that strange. Like it was something you just do on a daily basis.
“Sorry. You did what?” Lena breaks the hug just enough to focus on Kara’s eyes, but still surrounding her, without letting her go.
“That’s a story for another time” Kara answers. She can’t explain that to her now, not when she’s finally trying to say what she really wants. “It just… I…”
Kara sighs.
“What is it, darling?”
Hearing the pet name gives her enough courage to at least focused on her eyes. Those eyes that have always given her strength. The same eyes that she couldn’t stop looking at the day she met Lena. It has been that way since then.
“I’m tired of pretending.” She let’s go off Lena, knowing that if she feels her hands on her just one more second, she will just collapse again. “Not just by living two lives. I’m just… exhausted of trying to convince myself I can’t have it all.”
“You can have it all, Kara. I told you: if someone messes with us, I’ll be there with you” Lena reassures her. “So, what is it that you want?”
Maybe she just needs to do what Cat Grant has just told her… Get in touch with your feelings. Give it a whirl.
Maybe it’s time to finally be herself. A few minutes ago, she told Lena she didn’t know what connecting with someone as her whole self feels, but the thing is: she does. She has known for years, even if she separated Kara Danvers from Supergirl in front of Lena. Now, since the secret was out of the way, she has been completely her in from of the brunette.
“You” Kara says, and her eyes roam from Lena’s eyes to her lips.
Just one word.
It sounds simple, but Kara has been fighting these feeling for five years. At first, she told herself she couldn’t told Lena how she felt because she hadn’t come clean, that she needed to tell her who she truly was. Then, when she finally did… As Lena said a few minutes ago, they did have a bit of a bumpy road.
“It’s you, Lena” she adds in a low voice, not sure if Lena can even hear her. “You’re my perfect partner at a game night, the person who’s always there for me. You’re my anchor, always remembering me what being human means and making sure I don’t compromise my humanity” Kara continues, feeling her eyes watery while she remembers all they've been through. “It’s always been you. I love you.”
Kara doesn’t move when Lena brings her hands to her cheeks. Lena’s thumb teases the corner of her mouth, and before Kara can say anything, their lips are touching.
"I love you too, Kara" Lena whispers between kisses, when they stop a second to breath.
It’s everything they’ve always dreamt. Even better. It’s sweet, and neither Kara nor Lena can’t quite compare it to anything they’ve felt before.
However, Kara can understand now better than ever what J’onn meant while talking about what Alex and Kelly have:
They complement each other. In each other’s company, the find balance. And that balance, at a foundational level… is love.