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She really did that. Jade kissed Tori Vega. She dismissed it later on by telling Tori, "You wanted a way to tell people. We told 'em."
"We sure did," Tori had muttered, her expression unreadable to Jade. Not that Jade knows how to read her at all. Much of their motivations are very different.
Their friends took the news differently. Beck nodded like he had known all along, which made Jade want to smack him because she had told him that it was a fake relationship. Andre didn't seem all that surprised but there was horror in his eyes which Jade thought was the best reaction that they had received. Robbie had Rex say what was on his mind, which consisted of the stereotypical straight guy reaction to two girls macking. And Cat didn't really get it until this morning. Her incessant heart emojis were what had woken Jade up.
The nausea from reading Cat's texts caused Jade to turn off her phone and for the rest of the weekend, she kept it switched off and uncharged.
On Monday morning, Jade is assaulted with a barrage of notifications. Most of them were from The Slap about people trying to guess whether the kiss between she and Tori was 'I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry' or 'I Kissed A Girl by Jill Sobule' so she scrolled through her notifications, clearing them without much thought, until she saw the texts from Tori.
"Hey, wanna meet me for a fake date?"
"Yeah, that was a bad idea."
"Just checking in. Are you okay?"
"You've been quiet. I asked Cat if she'd heard from you. She said no."
"I'm a bit worried now."
"Beck tells me you sometimes do this. So, I hope you're okay."
"See you Monday then."
"Are you giving me a ride to school?"
"Yes," Jade types and sends. It's still too early for Tori to have gone to school.
When Jade arrives at Tori's house, it occurs to her that Tori might not have waited and could have left for school already. She hesitates to honk. What if Tori's left? Presumably, Tori would have gone to school with Trina which means Jade would have to endure awkward small talk with one of Tori's parents.
She can't knock on the door either. That would result in the same outcome as honking.
But she doesn't want to leave without being completely certain that Tori is not waiting for her.
Finally, she calls Tori.
"I see you," Tori says as soon as she picks up. "I'll be out in a minute."
It takes less than a minute for Tori to step out the door. She has a cup of coffee in one hand and the other waves at the waiting Jade.
"You should reply to your messages," Jade says as Tori hands the coffee to her.
Tori exhales. "I'm not the only one."
"There's the happy couple!" Beck beams.
Jade glares at him. He is enjoying this too much. She regrets having told him about her, uh, feelings--whatever they are--for Tori.
"If Jade had her way, we'd be a miserable couple," Tori says, putting her arm around Jade's waist. "But I shall inject my mush into this one and get her all soft and nice, and the world will thank me."
Jade huffs. "You wish, Vega."
"It's a work in progress," Tori tells their friends, winking.
Cat giggles. "They're already acting like an old married couple."
"Ooh, I hope it's the kind with one half always needing to get out of the house to," Jade makes air quotes with her fingers, "take a walk."
"You're hilarious, babe," Tori squeals in fake cheer, pinching Jade's side.
Jade grits her teeth, swallowing the painful yelp that almost came out of her mouth. She walks towards the table, dragging Tori along with her. As soon as they are seated, Jade takes a handful of Tori's fries.
"Hey," Tori squeals.
Jade juts out her bottom lip in mock sulk. "But babe, you can't get my insides gooey if you won't share."
"But you don't want to be gooey," Tori says.
"I'm a supportive girlfriend," Jade says and Beck scoffs. "Even if my girlfriend or boyfriend insists on an impossible goal."
"Look at them," Cat says. "It's like we don't exist."
"Isn't that normal?" Andre adds. "The only difference is they used to hate each other. And now they're--"
"I swear to god if someone says that four-letter word, I will--"
"Wasn't going to," Andre tells Jade. "I didn't even know if you guys were listening."
Tori takes advantage of the distraction and takes a bite of Jade's sandwich.
When Jade looks at her, she shrugs. "A supportive girlfriend wouldn't get angry at little bite of her food."
Finally, it clicks for Jade. Tori is mad at her. It's normal for Tori to annoy her but today, Tori seems to be actively trying to annoy her.
"You're right," Jade tells Tori, dialling her sarcasm way down.
The last thing Jade wants is to stop 'dating' Tori. Since her breakup with Beck, she's been hearing whispers. No one has the guts to actually say it to her face but she can be conspicuous when she wants to. She knows what people are saying about her. About how Beck was the best thing that happened to her and she was an idiot to let him go.
By dating Tori, she is showing those assholes that she can get it whenever she wants, and sure, she could have chosen someone else. Anyone else except Cat and Robbie because Cat can't keep a secret to save her life and Robbie is a no by default. She could have made it work with Andre but it would take too much work to convince him, and Beck was out of the question since the whole point is to prove that Beck isn't her one and only saviour from a lifetime of loneliness.
Then Tori asked Jade to be her date during the Full Moon Jam and everything just fell into place.
"Let's go watch the new Hunger Games."
Jade scoffs. Before she could type a reply, her phone dings again.
"It's not a request. We're going tonight."
"In that case, no," Jade replies.
"The movie starts at 8.30. Try to show up at least 15 minutes earlier.”
Jade isn't above a free movie ticket that comes with paid for beverage and junk food. So, she shows up at the movie theatre five minutes later than the promised time.
"She's paying," Jade tells the cashier and walks off with the giant Pepsi and popcorn. She hears a scoff, followed by, "Thank you. Enjoy your movie!"
When Tori arrives next to her, stomping her feet indignantly, Jade says, "When you ask someone out on a movie date, you pay. That's the rule."
"It's not a real date," Tori huffs.
"Still applies. What are we doing here anyway?"
"To see Hunger Games. I told you."
"Yeah, but a fake relationship doesn't need a fake date unless there's like people watching," Jade says, looking around them to see if one of their friends or someone from school might be hiding somewhere. She cocks her head sideways. "I don't see an audience."
"Seriously, I just wanna watch JLaw."
"J--what?"
"Jennifer Lawrence. She's a national treasure."
Jade crinkles her nose at the statement.
"What? You're too good for JLaw?"
Jade shrugs. "I just find her whole 'relatable' act disingenuous."
"So you would rather she walk around like she's better than everyone?" Tori asks.
"She's not better than me," Jade says.
"Then how do you expect her to act?"
"I don't care about her. She can do whatever."
"Fair enough," Tori replies. "If you don't like Jennifer Lawrence, who do you like?"
"No one."
"Right," Tori exhales. "That's your thing. Hate everyone. Love no one."
"You got a problem with that?"
"I just think--"
"I don't really care. Let's just get this over with."
Jade doesn't tell Tori that she had seen the movie with Cat, who had a 2-for-1 coupon when it just came out. It's a decent movie but it's not one that Jade cares for. The premise seems like something in her alley--she'd had a similar idea for a story when she was like twelve--but she found the franchise, book and movie alike, to contain too much feelings.
So, of course, Tori Vega is a complete nut for it. Jade isn't sure why she even invited Jade to watch with her. She appears too fixated by the screen to notice anyone around her. Jade can attest to it since she spends most of the movie just staring at Tori and Tori doesn't seem to notice. No curious sideway glance or nervous fidgeting that one tends to do when they feel like they are being watched.
When the credits roll, Jade doesn’t look away--doesn’t care to pretend that she hasn’t been staring.
"What do you think?" Tori asks like she doesn't notice Jade has been staring.
"The dress was top notch," Jade says, fully aware that it is the wrong answer.
"That was like two movies ago," Tori huffs. "Come on, what do you really think of it?"
Jade shrugs. "It's a movie."
"I am well aware," Tori says. "Did you even watch it?"
"No," Jade admits, not quite knowing where she is going with this. "I was busy watching you." She steels her gaze. In the soft lighting of a movie theater emptying, it is probably less intense than she means it.
Tori doesn't look away, just stares back with as much determination, and suddenly, it turns into a staring contest. Jade is normally good at it--people tend to get intimidated easily when they meet her eyes--but the way Tori matches her gaze is making her eyes itch and she doesn't know if she can hold them open for more than ten seconds.
"Hey guys, I'm sorry but you have to clear out for the next show."
Tori, nice Tori who is too good to win an impromptu staring contest, glances away first to acknowledge the request from the theater staff.
A win is a win.
"Sorry, we didn't realize--" Tori doesn't finish her sentence, grabbing Jade's wrist. "Let's go."
It's warm--too warm--where Tori is holding her but somehow, it doesn't occur to Jade to pull away. Only when they have reached close to the exit that Tori stops.
"I have notes," Tori tells Jade.
"Notes?" Jade asks, confused.
"For the date," Tori replies like it's the most natural response to the question. "Are you busy?"
Maybe it's the shock but Jade answers, "No."
Tori takes a notepad and a pen out of her back pocket and Jade lets out an exasperated chuckle.
"You weren't kidding," Jade says.
"Did you think that I was taking you for a dinner date?" Tori replies.
Jade huffs, "No! Of course not."
"So?"
Jade takes a sip of her root beer float, giving Tori a wordless shrug as a response. She takes her time, trying to steady her speeding heart beat. She isn't nervous and she definitely doesn't care what Tori Vega has to say about her dating skills. She's just sensitive to criticism; constructive or otherwise.
"Lay it on me," she exhales after a long ten second sip.
"You could be more present," Tori says.
"I'm here, aren't I?" Jade retorts.
"But you didn't reply to any of my messages last weekend."
"Well, we've been dating," Jade makes sure not to forget airquotes around 'dating', "for how long now?"
"Two weeks."
"Right, two weeks," Jade repeats for emphasis. "I don't think we're even exclusive yet. "Here's a note for you. Don't be so clingy. Desperation can be a deterrent."
Tori scribbles something in her notepad. "Thanks," she tells Jade, smiling. "This could be a learning experience for me too."
Jade squints. That was not the response she expected. Nor is it the one she wanted. She wanted Tori to be flustered and they would bicker like they normally do, and this whole note sharing session would end.
"But circling back to my note," Tori says. "I'm not expecting a sonnet or anything. Just a reply that says 'I'm not dead' would be sufficient."
"I doubt it," Jade shakes her head.
"Well, we wouldn't have known that for sure if you had actually replied to my texts."
"Why is this so important to you?" Jade asks. "I thought this is all for show."
"Yes, but," Tori says. She pauses to think.
"But?" Jade echoes.
"I think we should get something out of this," replies Tori, "sham."
"Well, isn't the objective to show that I have a heart somewhere in this void inside my chest? And you--you get to show your sexual progressiveness. A lil' naughty side to the whole 'innocently wholesome' thing that you've got going on."
"That is so not what I am doing this for!" Tori squeals.
Jade smirks, happy that she is finally able to push Tori's buttons. Whenever Tori gets flustered, something happens in Jade's stomach. Nothing gives her joy more than seeing that flush on Tori.
"I'm not doing this to show that I am adventurous or whatever," Tori adds. "I--" she gasps. Her eyes fall onto the table. "I actually genuinely seriously think that I am not straight." That final sentence comes out more quietly than the preceding ones.
Did Tori Vega just come out to Jade?
"And I don't really know how I could even begin exploring this," Tori continues, "this, I guess, discovery about myself without making a complete fool of myself or, you know, exposing myself to unknown dangers. Fake dating you, a person I know, seems to be the safest way to go about it. It's dumb but at least no one's gonna get hurt. You made it clear that you have zero attraction towards me."
"So you're using me to practice dating girls?" Jade asks.
Tori cringes at the word 'use'.
"Calm down, Vega," Jade adds. "I am using you and you are using me. That's better actually. I don't want to be owing you."
"If you put it like that, then," Tori trails off. She takes a deep breath. "Are you sure you're okay with it?"
"Was I not clear?"
"I don't want there to be any confusion."
Jade sighs. "Fine, I'm sure. I will be your practice girlfriend, Vega."
Tori squeals in delight.
"But no more note-taking," Jade says, snatching the notepad out of Tori's hand and Tori's face pales. Only when Jade snaps it close between them that Tori seems to relax. She has no desire to read whatever that Tori has written. She's sensitive like that.
"But--"
"Imagine this," Jade tells Tori. "You have a girlfriend, probably like a super basic girl, nauseatingly nice and pretty. You're making out in your bedroom and suddenly, she sees your dating notes. She pushes you off and goes, 'oh sweet Tori'," Jade screeches, "'what is this?' She opens it and finds your very own pick-up how-to. Like, conceptually, those things exist but if someone were to find out that they were seduced using techniques from some guide, they'd run to the nearest exit. You lose your confidence and die alone."
Tori scoffs. "One, I'd never date someone who doesn't respect my privacy. And two, I'm not writing some gross pick-up textbook. I just want to take note of this experience; feelings and the like."
"Whoa," Jade winces. "Feelings?"
"Don't look at me like I'm about to give you cooties," Tori retorts. "You know, people can have feelings without getting the urge to choke on each other's tongues. They can just have a feeling, savour it, and save it in their memory box to cherish in the future. No physical action and commitment needed."
Jade crosses her arms and leans back on her seat. Tori's explanation has made her uncomfortable and she isn't sure why. Other people might have called it sweet and profound. Maybe 'deep' if they are at a loss for words, but Jade is irritated. And angry, if she isn't stubbornly refusing to admit how unnerved she is by Tori. Or whatever it is that Tori had just spouted.
Tori looks at Jade with concern and Jade shakes her head. "That's what journals are for," Jade says. "Or a blog. Whichever is your preferred medium."
"I'll take that under advisement" Tori replies.
The drive to school is quiet. Tori hands Jade her coffee and settles herself in the passenger seat. For the rest of the ride, her gaze doesn't stray away from the road ahead but she seems so faraway.
It's five minutes but the silence seems to stretch both time and space, and Jade notices herself becoming increasingly agitated as they near Hollywood Arts. She floors the gas, accelerating past the speed limit.
Tori continues to stare blankly forward, unfazed by the sudden change of speed. Even the angry honk Jade receives from almost clipping someone's side mirror doesn't pull Tori out of whatever alternate universe that she has escaped to.
Only when Jade's car has entered Hollywood Arts' parking lot that Tori seems to stir. She yawns into her palm.
"Late night?" Jade asks.
"Yeah," Tori replies, "Couldn't sleep until three."
"Trina?"
Tori shakes her head. "As much as I would like to blame Trina for all my problems, unfortunately, this is all me. Sometimes, my brain doesn't know how to switch off."
"Must be all those feelings in your memory box," Jade quips.
"Ha," Tori intones. "But you might be right."
"Then you should try to be less feel-y," Jade tells her. "Look at me. I sleep like a baby every night."
"Is that why?" Tori says. "You do know anger is a feeling too, right?"
"When am I ever angry?" Jade huffs.
"Now," Tori says. "The whole ride from my house to here."
"You noticed?"
"I did but I was too tired to say anything. Besides, it's almost impossible for anyone to be a worse driver than Trina. I have cheated death twice in the last month. A little sudden acceleration doesn't scare me."
When they arrive at Tori's locker, she seems surprised, looking around confusedly until Jade grabs her shoulders and turns her body towards the locker. Tori frowns at the sparkly words that say, "Make it shine," but before Jade can bark at her to take out her stuff for Sikowitz's class, she opens her locker.
"We usually go to your locker," Tori mutters.
Jade shakes her head. Tori is really out of it this morning. "We did."
"Then we go our separate ways."
"Well, we both have Sikowitz first period so," Jade tells her.
"Oh, yeah," Tori nods. Despite her condition, she manages to get all the right stuff for Sikowitz's class, a notebook and her stationery. There is no assigned textbook for Sikowitz's class. He claims that anything he needs to teach his students can be easily picked out of his brain.
It is true that Jade normally leaves Tori to find her way to first period on her own, even when they have the same class, but seeing Tori's pathetic state, she feels some responsibility to at least lead Tori to the right place.
"Okay, come on," she links her arm with Tori's. "Let's get to class before Sikowitz."
Tori's body is tense and Jade chalks it up to her lack of sleep the night before, but she doesn't look to confirm. She already feels awkward enough to have initiated the touch. Usually, it is Tori who is in charge of PDA.
But Jade has decided to take on a more active role in this partnership. It would be good practice for her acting. You could even say that it would be an insult to the craft if she agrees on a role and then refuses to take it seriously.
She has no choice but to make everyone believe that they are a couple.
When they sit down next to each other, Jade can't help but feel eyes on her. Specifically, she feels Tori's eyes on her. She could care less about her other classmates. There are always eyes on her when she walks into a room but they can easily be directed elsewhere with a simple glare.
Again, she chooses not to look.
Not because she is afraid that their eyes might meet.
Truly.
It's because—
"Class! Today we are going to do an acting exercise called the giraffe!"
Because she saw Sikowitz about to burst into the room.
"The what?" Andre asks.
"The Giraffe," Sikowitz answers, writing giraffe in all caps on the board at the front of the class. "Anyone know what that is?"
"I don't know if I can do that," Cat says.
"No, Cat. You don't have to pretend to be a giraffe."
"Oh," Cat replies. "But why is it called 'the Giraffe'?"
"You just have to imagine having a very long appendage."
"I don't have to pretend," Rex drawls.
On instinct, Jade throws a pencil at Robbie's head.
"What's that for?" he squeals. "I didn't--"
Usually, that's something Tori would react to, but Jade doesn't notice any movement in her periphery. No squeal of surprise or an amused snort.
"Shut that puppet up or he won't be the only one with something up his ass," Jade tells Robbie.
"Language," Sikowitz warns.
"Ha!" Rex exclaims smugly.
"Not Jade," Sikowitz says. "Robbie, we respect women in this class."
"I--" Robbie squeals but whatever excuse he had plucked out of his ass gets cut off when Jade looks at him. He leans back on his chair and pouts, muttering at the puppet, "You got me in trouble."
"Back to our lesson," Sikowitz says. "Jade, Tori, would you like to come up and demonstrate the Giraffe for the class?"
"Uh, can you repeat the question again?" Tori asks.
"No question," Sikowitz replies. "Just a direction."
"Which is?"
Jade stands. "Sikowitz has requested us to help him demonstrate 'the Giraffe'."
Tori frowns. Clearly, the explanation has not illuminated her on whatever it is that is currently happening. But she stands up from her seat.
"Sure," she mutters.
When they are up on Sikotwitz's little stage, Sikowitz resumes his lecture. "The Giraffe is about connection over a huge divide. If one of your arms is unusually long that you don't see your fingers on a daily basis, there is a separation of experiences between you and your hand. You might be able to sense the texture of whatever your hand has touched, but you cannot know what it is unless you traverse the whole length of your arm. And even if you walk all the way to the ends of your fingers, you cannot guarantee that you'll reach there before your hand has moved."
"Who would just move someone's hand?" Andre points out. "Who would even touch a hand that is attached to a very long arm?" He looks visibly troubled by Sikowitz's analogy.
Sikowitz claps, ignoring Andre's query.
"Jade," he says, "close your eyes."
"Okay," Jade mutters.
She hears whispers from where Tori is standing but she cannot make out the words.
"Keep your eyes closed," Sikowitz reminds her.
Jade does because despite her intense hate for everything in the world, she takes her craft seriously. Sikowitz, with all his crazy, does seem to know how to make his students better actors.
She trusts him.
"Action," he says.
Jade waits but nothing happens. It makes her antsy but maybe that's the point? But she can at least ask what's happening. Right?
Before she can open her mouth, her right hand is lifted up from her side.
"Tell us, Jade," Sikowitz says, "what do you feel? Take us into a journey of your senses."
"Um, warm," Jade mumbles. She knows who is holding her hand and her knees feels a little wobbly.
"What else?" Sikowitz asks.
Tori rubs her thumb in circles across Jade's palm.
Jade almost lets out a stupid moan that she knows will be misunderstood so she bites down.
"Share your thoughts with the world, Jade," Sikowitz says. "Don't keep them to yourself."
"Tingl--" Realizing what had almost slip out of her mouth, she corrects herself. "Tickles a bit."
Tori's thumb has reached Jade's own, and she stops there.
"I kinda feel like," Jade chuckles nervously. Why is Tori so quiet? "I'm about to enter a thumb wrestling match?"
"So, what do you do?" Sikowitz asks.
Tori lays the rest of her fingers to match those on Jade's hand.
"Well, I might be wrong," Jade answers. "This isn't how the game is played."
"Do you see, class?" Sikowitz says. "Has the intention shifted or is it simply a case of misinterpretation?"
His explanation is met by a chorus of 'oooh's and 'aaahh's which Jade doubts signal comprehension. Sikowitz's lessons don't sink in until a few days later, while you're in a scene and it somehow just clicks.
Tori is still holding her hand. Still. Too still. Like it is frozen in place sans the low temperature. No, her palm is warm. If fire isn't made to burn and instead is made to be felt, Jade thinks this is how it would feel like. The dancing flame would tingle as your body warms from its heat.
Jade's fingers move, trying to get leverage over Tori's hand so she can—
"Thank you, Jade and Tori," Sikowitz's voice pulls her back to Earth. Her hand instinctively pulls away from Tori. "You may return to your seats."
By the time Jade recovers her sense and looks up towards Tori, her 'girlfriend' is already jumping off Sikowitz's stage. Jade follows after her. But when Tori turns to sit down, Jade's eyes find the floor again.
For the rest of class, Jade keeps her eyes forward and tries hard to hang on to Sikowitz's every word so her mind won't wander towards Tori and what exactly is going on in her fake girlfriend's head. She even took notes of Sikowitz's lesson which has been declared incompatible with note-taking by a hundred percent of his students, past and present.
And Jade discovers that truth yet again after school while lying in her bed.
On the page of the 'notes' she had taken during Sikowitz's class are iterations of the name Tori Vega. She throws the notebook across the room.
She really should have known better. Taking notes during Sikowitz's class never pans out well.