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Genny and Lucy are in the middle of an easy conversation while cleaning up after a long day of renovations on Genny and Tim’s old house. Even though Lucy has only known Genny for a couple of days, they talk like they have been friends for years. Lucy can’t help but think about the contrast between the friendly, bubbly, easy going Bradford she is talking to now, and the closed off, hard exterior she had to deal with of her former TO. Conversation is much easier now that they aren’t TO and rookie, but she had to work very hard to get past his defenses and have him open up to her. Even though it was tough, Lucy always feels a sense of accomplishment when Tim feels comfortable enough to share something with her. She loves the open conversation with Genny, but the warm feeling she gets when she and Tim talk and laugh is amazing. Knowing that he trusts and respects Lucy enough to let her in when so few have been able to do it does something to her that she can’t quite describe. Lucy has so many questions she wants to ask Genny, all the embarrassing and funny stories she has from growing up with Tim, but so far, she has held off. Lucy knows their family history wasn’t the best, and she doesn’t want to seem like she is going behind Tim’s back. For now, she will be patient with him, allowing him to dictate when he is ready to open up.
“He’s worth it” she thinks, even though she’s not even sure why it matters so much to her, they are just friends after all.
_______
The women are deep in conversation about the latest fashion trend when they hear the front door slowly open, then quietly close. Lucy turns to make a joke about taking so long when she freezes, and her comment gets lodged in her throat as she lays her eyes on the man that just walked in. Tim looks devastated, pain and sadness deep in his eyes. Lucy glances at Genny as she sighs heavily,
“Oh no” she says under her breath as she lays down the broom she was holding and walks towards Tim who hasn’t moved since coming in.
“Oh Tim” is all Lucy could make out from Genny as she wraps her arms around her little brother in a hug. Tim returns the hug slowly and buries his head in her shoulder, hiding his face from Lucy. Lucy’s heart shatters watching the scene in front of her, wanting so bad to be able to say or do something to get that look from Tim’s face. She feels a twinge that she doesn’t quite understand, wishing she could be the one offering Tim the comforting hug, but she pushes that feeling down. Feeling awkward, almost like she is spying on a private moment, Lucy silently retreats into the next room and begins to quietly pick up the mess that has been created during their renovations. As quiet voices come from the other room, Lucy kicks herself for not trying harder to convince Tim to take her with him as he went to talk to his father. She knew they didn’t have a good relationship, that Tim harbored a lot of pain and anger from the actions of his dad when he was a kid, but she still didn’t think he would return looking so defeated and adrift. She hadn’t seen him look like that since she was a brand-new rookie and Isabel popped back into his life after a yearlong disappearance. The pain she felt in her chest was nearly physical as she thought of Tim having to confront his father alone, without backup.
“Some partner I am” Lucy thought to herself bitterly, even though she knew Tim would never want her to become involved with the drama surrounding him and his father.
“Always my fierce protector”, she thinks, smiling slightly at the memories of how Tim was always there to make sure she was ok, or offered comfort when she wasn’t.
“I just hope I get the chance to return the favor”. Lucy is so deep in thought that she doesn’t hear the front door open and close or the footsteps towards her.
“Are you ready to get out of here?” Tim asks quietly from the doorway, making Lucy jump. “Sorry” he says glancing at the floor.
“No, no, I should have been paying closer attention” Lucy says quickly, not wanting to be the source of any guilt. “Yeah, I’m ready” she says as she throws the handful of trash she’s holding into the trashcan and wipes her hands on her jeans. She stands awkwardly for a moment studying Tim, trying to decide if she should say anything or not. He looks more composed but hasn’t put up the walls she remembers from their time riding together in the beginning. She feels like this is some sort of progress that he isn’t shutting her out. Before she gets a chance to speak, he just nods and walks towards the front door.
_______
They rode together staying at the local hotel in adjacent rooms for the week while getting the Bradford family home ready to sell. Genny had left to pick up her kids and go home, which is in the next town over. The ride back is silent and uncomfortable, Lucy struggling with what the best approach is. She needs to talk through her problems in order to process them, something Tim gave her a lot of grief about at first, always complaining about having to listen to her about her feelings. It didn’t take long before the complaints didn’t seem genuine and more like posturing than real annoyance. Lucy knew he was listening even when he made it seem like her talking was the last thing he wanted because he would always come back with an insightful comment or suggestion eventually. For someone who tried to seem indifferent at best to anyone’s problems, Tim could be extremely helpful in showing a different perspective. Tim on the other hand was much more reserved and Lucy knew that pushing too hard would make him shut down.
“Do you want to go get something to eat?” Lucy asks quietly after a few minutes on the road.
“No, I think I’ll just head back to the hotel, I’m not very hungry” Tim replies quietly not looking away from the road.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Lucy tries again to get him talking.
“Not really” he says with a sadness that makes Lucy’s heart ache all over again. Lucy sighs and lets it drop for now, allowing the silence to envelop them for the remainder of the trip.
_______
Once they reach Tim’s room, he digs into his pocket and turns to Lucy, handing her the keys to his truck. “Here, you should have these in case you want to go anywhere tonight” he says, still not making eye contact.
“I know you said you weren’t hungry, but you still need to eat” she says as she grabs the keys. “Take a shower and relax, I’m going to clean up, grab some food and come back here and we are going to have dinner”. Tim looks up at her then and she can see he’s about refuse, she is expecting to have to dig in and argue with him, but then he just shuts his mouth and nods
“Ok, don’t scratch the truck” he teases softly as he opens the door to his room and goes inside. Lucy stands outside the door for a moment, shocked at what just happened. She can’t believe he just agreed without any argument like that, but then when was the last time he actually refused one of her ideas? She tries to think back, and though usually he grumbles and threatens, she’s not really sure he has ever told her no. Smiling to herself, Lucy nods and turns to put her plan in action.
An hour later Lucy finds herself back in front of Tim’s door, showered, changed into some shorts and a t-shirt, and carrying bags of food. She knocks and briefly worries that he will ignore her, but she doesn’t have to wait long before he opens the door.
“Hey” he says, grabbing the bags from her and stepping aside to let her in. She sees he has showered and changed into a pair of athletic pants and t-shirt. He looks like his normal self to Lucy’s relief, but she is still committed to stay with him for as long as he’ll allow. Tim carries the bags over to the table and starts to empty them out. The room is small and there are no chairs, so they end up sitting cross legged on the bed with their backs against the headboard watching mindless television as they eat. Tim finishes first, sighing as he puts his empty plate on the nightstand. Lucy can feel a change in the atmosphere in the room, the air getting heavier as Tim looks down like he is studying his hands.
“Thanks” he says so quietly that if Lucy wasn’t listening, she would have missed it.
Lucy is pretty sure he doesn’t mean just the food, but she says teasingly “they have pretty good burgers don’t they”.
“I don’t just mean the food” he says, sealing a glance at her. “For coming with me to help, for being here now, for everything. I know I don’t show it much, but it means a lot.”
Lucy realizes she has been holding her breath as Tim’s words reach her brain and her heart. Seeing the sincerity and openness in his face as he watches her is mesmerizing. She decides that she would do almost anything to see this look more often. As his expression changes to one more vulnerable and nervous, Lucy realizes she has just been sitting there, staring at him, mouth slightly agape, for several seconds.
“Wow” she hastily says to recover the moment, taking in a breath, “sorry, I just wasn’t expecting that, I appreciate it. You have done so much for me, always been there for me when I needed you the most. The least I could do is return the favor. I know that talking doesn’t come easy for you, but I just want you to know I will always be here for you, whatever you need.” As Lucy’s words tumble from her mouth, she starts to panic internally ‘crap, I’m saying too much, making this weird’ she thinks to herself. “Well, I’m just glad I beat out Nolan for the invite” she jokes, trying to inject some levity into the conversation.
Tim huffs out a laugh “now that you mention it, he would have been a pretty good choice” he jokes back turning his head back to the tv for a moment as Lucy bumps his shoulder with hers playfully.
_______
After a while of watching tv making light conversation, Lucy begins to clean up the food containers. It’s getting late and she figures that they both need a good night’s sleep. Tim turns off the tv and gets up to help, but Lucy feels like his mood is shifting again, becoming more subdued. Once clean up is done, Lucy looks around for anything else out of place, not wanting to leave, but not coming up with an excuse to stay either. If Tim doesn’t want to talk, she can’t make him. Before she can say goodnight Tim sits heavily down onto the edge of the bed with a frustrated sigh and puts his head in his hands.
“Tim” Lucy asks worriedly taking a tentative step towards him.
Without looking up Tim says, nearly whispering “Why does this still bother me, after all these years, it shouldn’t matter to me what that man thinks”. Lucy felt her heart drop at his words. She sits next to Tim on the bed, just touching shoulders. She wants him to know she’s there without crowding him. He doesn’t move away from the contact, so she is hoping it is giving him some comfort, just like his touches have always comforted her.
“You know that’s not how trauma works; we don’t get to decide how it affects us or when. And wanting love and approval from our parents is a basic instinct, its completely normal to still want that.”
Lucy is looking at Tim though he still wont make eye contact, “Well I want it to stop” he says bitterly, moving his hands to the back of his neck as he stares at the floor.
“I know” Lucy says softly “and I wish I could do or say something to take that pain and memory away from you, but you have to know that you are loved and appreciated by so many people. Think of how many people you have helped and supported over the years; Mitch, Amari, Mack, Wallace.” Lucy says, thinking back at all of the people that she has seen Tim help and kept in touch with. He knew Amari the store owner’s wife and that they had a new baby. She remembers Jackson’s story of how Tim made him talk to Wallace, the hate crimes officer turned shut it, and how Tim was one of the few people that kept in contact with him. She remembers the bakery he turned into the go to shop for cops to protect its owner from his former gang.
“You do that because you care so much for others, are willing to put them above yourself. If I’m being honest, you are probably the best man that I know.” As she’s talking, pouring all the sincerity she can into her words, she thinks she feels Tim leaning a little more into her shoulder, even though he has been keeping his eyes to the floor.
When she finishes, he glances up to her briefly before turning away and giving a humorless laugh “If that were true, then why does everyone...” His jaw snaps shut as he clips the last words of his sentence and Lucy can feel the tension in his body increase.
“Everyone what Tim?” she says forcefully, though not unkindly, wanting to make sure he knew she wanted his answer.
Lucy has to fight back tears as he looks back up at her again eyes full of pain and sadness and finishes “leave me”. All Lucy wants to do in that moment is to wrap her arms around Tim and kiss him until he forgets all about his problems. Wait… what? Lucy had never allowed herself to think along those lines before, keeping her and Tim firmly in the friends category. Sure, she has always been attracted to him, who wouldn’t be, but he was still her TO. Would he even think of her along those lines? Sure, he was a complete jerk when they first met, but she began to see a pattern pretty early, he would put up walls and lash out when put into a vulnerable position. When she found out about Isabel and later his history with his father, she better understood why he acted the way he did. What looked like an unfeeling no-nonsense persona on the outside was really his way to keeping himself from getting hurt. Lucy had noticed that as time has gone on, Tim was a lot less likely to lash out at her, even telling her personal details that she is sure he wouldn’t do with almost anyone else. Could there be something more between them? If she’s being honest with herself, Lucy wouldn’t mind, but now isn’t the time to dwell on that, now she needs to deal with her shattered friend who has stood up suddenly and begun pacing like a caged animal.
“Look” Tim says, before she can answer. “I’m sorry about that, I shouldn’t be laying this out on you. There’s no way you can respect me after all this” he gets out quickly, the frustration and embarrassment obvious in his voice. Before he can say another word Lucy jumps up and stands in his way, grabbing his hands and making him stop and look at her.
“Hey” Lucy says sternly, making sure she has his attention. “It takes more guts to talk about your problems than it does to bottle it up, I will always respect you for sharing parts of yourself, and I want you to know you can talk about anything with me. She tightens her grip on his hands as he feels him try to pull away and continues before he gets a chance to respond, “and as for those that have left, that had nothing to do with you, they are idiots for not knowing what they had.” Tim gives a little smile at that, and Lucy decides to take a leap off the cliff, “I for one, don’t plan on leaving and will stand with you in whatever capacity you want me.” Tim freezes at that last part, eyes locked with Lucy’s. Lucy swallows, feeling exposed by her declaration, but the look in Tim’s eyes looks…hopeful. A smile spreads across his face and he moves towards her and envelopes her into a hug, pressing his face into her neck.
“Thank you” he whispers, “I will always be there for you too” drawing a shuddering breath, “and I want you in all capacities”. Lucy can’t help the huge grin that forms on her face and jumping a little as she tightens her grip around Tim. She hears him chuckle and it’s the best sound in the world.
_______
They stay in a tight embrace for a long moment, just breathing each other in and letting the realization that they are about to start something huge wash over them.
“It’s getting late, we should probably get some sleep” Lucy said disappointingly starting to disentangle herself from Tim.
Tim looks at her sheepishly, “Um, would you, I mean do you think you could stay with me tonight? Lucy’s eyes widen as Tim throws up his hands quickly “just sleep, no funny business” he says quickly. His voice goes quiet again, “I just don’t want to be alone tonight, but I also don’t want to mess this up before it begins.” He softly grabs her hands, his thumbs rubbing circles on the backs of hers. “I’d like to start by at least taking you to dinner at a restaurant, not take-out in a hotel.” He’s got a small smirk on his face and his eyes are bright, a look Lucy has never tired of seeing.
“I would be more than happy to stay here tonight, and dinner sounds fantastic” Lucy says, a huge smile on her face. As she is laying in bed that night, with Tim’s arms wrapped around her, his breath warming her back as he sleeps with his face pressed into her neck, Lucy can’t help but think back to the first time she met Tim. Everything they had been through brought them here, to this new beginning, and she was so excited to find out what happens next.