Chapter Text
The world was blanketed in snow, muffling all sounds into a quiet winter morning. It would have been a beautiful sight if it wasn’t for the fact that snow meant no crops. Snow meant colder temperatures, harder scavenging, lower food supplies, and illness. Winter was a dangerous time of year in the apocalypse, but maybe it didn’t have to be.
Carl was an optimist. He always had been, even as a child pre-outbreak. His optimism was part of why he had somehow managed to wedge his way into co-leadership of Alexandria with this father. Whenever Rick and Michonne were unavailable, the people looked to Carl for guidance. Most of the time, Carl was only a leader by title. However, he often was the head of community operations and helped with the education and training of the youth.
Many days, he and Ron would teach self defense to the kids and teens of Alexandria while Tara would teach gun training. When he wasn’t teaching, he would take shifts up on the wall or going on scavenging runs. Today, Carl actually had a day off. He stepped out onto the front porch and took in the cold air.
He still wasn’t used to not wearing his father’s hat anymore as he had passed it onto Judith once she was big enough to wear it. It had brought him thoughts of comfort and made him feel strong, but he had grown up and now it was Judith’s turn to learn how to survive. She would be scared. She would feel lost and anything that Carl could offer her to make it easier was all her’s.
Carl headed down the steps onto what had once been the sidewalk. There was nothing but snow now, and unlike the before times, roads or sidewalks didn’t matter much now. The horses could walk through the snow just fine without it being shovelled. Carl tried to imagine his father outside their house, shovelling snow while he and his mother watched Christmas movies inside. It had seemed so normal back then. Now, those memories felt like a fairytale.
The snow crunched under his boots with each step he took. He could feel the snow seeping in through the holes in his shoes, but there wasn’t much that could be done. They didn’t have the supplies to make shoes or anyone who really knew how to make shoes. Carl kept patching them, but the holes would always keep appearing. Maybe he’d get lucky on one of the runs.
Carl walked down the block and turned the corner before he headed up the steps to one of the houses. He stopped at the front door and knocked. It took a moment before the door opened up to Jessie. She smiled seeing him.
“Oh, Carl! Come on in, dear!” She moved aside, letting him inside. “Ron! Carl’s here!”
Jessie shut the door behind Carl once he was inside and hurried off to another room in the house. Carl waited inside the door, banging the front of his boots on the ground to get the snow off them. It was a moment before Ron came hurrying down the stairs. He had on his winter coat and what looked like a hand knitted scarf. He stopped in front of Carl and kissed him.
“Ready to go?” Carl asked.
“Totally,” Ron replied.
“Hold on, you two!” Jessie called from the other room. She returned with what looked like a knitted red scarf.
“Carl, this is for you,” She said. “I made one for each of the boys and I figured since the snow hit, it’s been much colder and you and Ron are always going out, so I thought you should stay warm.”
Carl took the scarf from her and stared at it a moment before he smiled.
“Thank you, Mrs. Anderson. Seriously, thank you!” Carl put the scarf on, wrapping it around his neck. Ron took hold of one of Carl’s hands.
“C’mon, we got shit to do,” he said, pulling Carl towards the door. The two of them headed out inside the snow hand in hand. Carl happily buried his face into the scarf around his neck. It was so warm and comfortable. He just wanted to wrap his entire face in it.
“I didn’t know your mom could knit,” Carl said.
“It was always a hobby of her’s before, but she’s trying to get better at it now that she thinks it could be useful,” Ron said. “Anyways, I got plans for the two of us today.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Carl asked.
“Well, I was thinking we could do a run-”
“Aw, c’mon, Ron. Today’s our day off. Why the hell do you wanna do a run? Especially after last night’s snowfall.”
“I have my reasons. You in or you out?”
Carl sighed. “I guess I’m in. Anyone else coming with us?”
“Nope, just us. We aren’t going far so we don’t need the numbers.”
The two of them changed their course to the pantry. They’d need to check out their guns if they were going on a run since hunting knives could only do so much. One positive about the winter, however, was that the number of walkers around Alexandria would greatly decrease. Either the snow would make them move slower, or many of them would just freeze like statues until the warm spring thawed them out. Carl honestly thought it was creepy as shit, but it kept them safe.
Once their guns were signed out, bags secured, and horse walked out of the stable, the two of them headed out beyond the walls. Ron drove the horse while Carl held onto his waist. He always preferred riding the back since he’d get to snuggle up to Ron in the cold winter air. Not to mention Carl was a better shot on the back of a horse than Ron was, even while missing an eye.
Carl rested his head on Ron’s shoulder, his head turned to the side. He watched the snowy trees and abandoned houses pass them by as the horse continued to gallop. Carl tried to imagine the houses decorated with lights, families inside by the fire, big Christmas trees in the front window. Each of these houses had once been filled with life and love. Now they lay dormant and forgotten.
He could still remember the excitement inside him when he would wake up on Christmas morning. At the time, he had no siblings so it had merely been him and his parents. He would run downstairs while Rick recorded his reaction as he came into the living room. Music would be playing. Toys would be under the beautiful tree and even though he was only a child, Carl would always run to his parents first trying to hug them.
A tear slid down his cheek and Carl tried to wipe it off on Ron’s coat.
“Where are we going?” Carl asked.
“It’s a surprise!” Ron said with a smile on his face. “It’s not too far, trust me. You just hold tight back there, babyface.”
Carl sighed burying his face back in against Ron. He’d hoped for a distraction, but Ron didn’t seem to be interested in talking. His thoughts continued to crowd his head as they rode until finally the horse stopped. They had ridden into a town about twenty minutes away. The snow made it almost seem normal. It almost looked like everyone had closed up for the holidays.
Ron led the horse down the main road before taking a few side streets, almost like he had an exact place for them to go. It almost seemed like they were leaving the town again, but Ron stopped the horse outside what looked like an old barn. Carl could tell by the parking lot in front of it, however, that it had been a store rather than an actual barn.
Ron got off the horse and tied it to a pole outside the barn before pulling his rifle around. Carl got off the horse and readied his pistol. Ron held up a hand for Carl to wait before he opened one of the doors and banged the butt of his gun against the door frame. They both waited a moment, listening for the sound of snarling walkers, but it was completely silent inside. Ron waved him over, his look of focus turning into an eager smile.
“Do you trust me?” Ron asked.
“I really hate that question.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
Ron moved behind Carl and put a hand over his eye.
“Okay, I’ll lead you. Don’t peek.”
Carl felt himself being guided forward into the barn by Ron. He hated going into a building blind, but they had checked it already and he knew Ron wouldn’t purposefully put him in danger. If he ever tried, well Ron wouldn’t be standing for very long. There would be a knife in his knee cap before he could even blink.
“Ron,” Carl started. “I hate this. I hope you know I hate this.”
“Oh, I know, but you won’t hate it for long.”
A few more steps before they stopped.
“Ready?”
“Ron-”
Ron’s hand moved off of Carl’s eye and before him was a store filled to the brim with Christmas decorations. Carl stared in awe, taking a few steps forward into the store. There were fake trees of all different sizes, decorated with beautiful ornaments. Carl could see shelves with little santa figures and reindeer. Garlands hung up around the room that once had lights interwoven inside them. Carl looked back at Ron.
“I found this place the other day when I went out with Aaron,” Ron said. He hurried over to Carl with a huge smile on his face. “I knew I had to bring you here. You’ve been so sad lately, so I thought maybe this could help cheer you up! I know it’s not really full of supplies or anything-”
Carl continued to stare at him without a word before he grabbed Ron’s face and pulled him into a kiss.
“Ron, this means more to me than you know,” He said.
Ron chuckled and wrapped his arms around Carl. “Well, that’s what I was kinda hoping for. I hate seeing you sad. Go on, go take a look. We can bring shit back if you want. As long as we can carry it back, of course.”
Carl moved back from his hold and began to wander through the aisles of decorations. It felt frozen in time. Decorations set out nicely on display with price tags on them, waiting for eager shoppers that would never come. Carl picked up a small angel statue and wiped off some of the dust on it with his thumb. It’s beautiful white paint faded from time, but she still looked up at him with a beautifully painted smile. Carl slid it into his bag.
There were Santas of all sizes on display alongside large reindeer posed in elegant ways. Snowmen with their little “Merry Christmas” signs. Carl wandered over into another aisle to find box sets of nativity scenes. He pulled one off the shelf and looked it over. His mom had one like this. Every year, he and his mother would set it up while they went over the story again. Lori would praise him for every part he remembered correctly.
The miracle of Jesus’ birth into the mortal world. Didn’t seem so much like a miracle in present times. Would Jesus even want to come back to save a world like this? Had he already left them behind, long forgotten and abandoned like this nativity box? Carl tried his best not to think about it as he slid it into his bag.
“What month do you even think it is?” Ron asked from the other side of the room.
“Gotta be December,” Carl replied. “Snow just started recently.”
“Mmm.”
“Do you think it’s still possible?”
“What?”
“Christmas, or something like it I guess.”
“Maybe. Don’t know if Christmas is something people want anymore though.”
Carl let his eye wander as they talked. He spotted a nutcracker and gently took it off the shelf. He moved the lever in the back to find that it still worked. In the bag it went.
“Maybe not Christmas itself, but something of a festival. You remember how well stuff like that went in the Kingdom. What if we had some kinda holiday? Like, a day to celebrate us being alive? Like, we survived.”
“Like a remembrance day?”
“Sorta, but more drinking.”
Carl could hear Ron laughing.
“I’m serious!” Carl said. “Just think about it. No one knows about Santa, or the Night Before Christmas, or a Christmas Carol, or even snowmen! Winter now is just hide inside and starve! It fucking sucks! What if it wasn’t, though? What if winter didn’t suck?”
“You’re getting an idea aren’t you, Grimes?”
Carl continued to look over the shelves and displays trying to figure out what exactly could come back with him. There was only so much bag space after all. He grabbed a few more things.
“Your mom can knit. We get her to make a Santa costume. Someone can play Santa like when we were little and went to the mall.”
“And who are you suggesting be Santa?”
“Daryl.”
Ron howled with laughter. Carl rolled his eye as he put a small Santa in his bag. He found a rack of Santa hats and pulled one off putting it on. It wasn’t quite the same as his father’s hat, but it would do. Carl grabbed another one before going back towards where he heard Ron.
Once Ron came into sight, Carl made a quick whistle to get his attention.
“Pup, catch.” Carl tossed him the other Santa hat.
“You’re really serious about this Christmas thing?” Ron asked.
“Definitely. We need some cheer or we’re all going to go insane and start killing ourselves,” Carl said. “And if we kill ourselves, then we’re gonna have walkers and that’s just bad.”
“C’mon, Carl, you’re not doing this for that reason and you know it. You’re not even doing this for the kids,” Ron said.
“So what if I’m doing this for myself? You’re the one who brought me here in the first place. Shoulda figured I’d get ideas seeing Christmas decorations in the middle of winter.”
“Fair point. You have me there.”
Carl came over and kissed Ron’s cheek.
“What can I say? I’m an optimist.”
Ron chuckled and brushed some of the hair out of Carl’s face. “You sure are. It’s sickening how positive you can be in the middle of the apocalypse.”
“We’re already dead, right? Why not celebrate it?” Carl pulled back from Ron, holding onto his hand. He held his other hand out, as if performing part of a waltz. Ron pulled him back and put a hand on Carl’s waist, swaying him back and forth while he hummed what sounded like “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”. The two of them danced together to Ron’s humming, doing their best at an attempted waltz.
Carl couldn’t stop the laughter as Ron spun him around. They’d throw a party for everyone in town. They’d scrape together a meal and they’d drink. Oh how they’d drink. They’d play games and everyone would be happy even if it was just for one night. All of them had been through hell. They had seen the dead walk. They had seen their loved ones die. Civilizations had fallen and they had danced with death multiple times, but they had always survived.
Why not celebrate a little?