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The mission was shorter than expected much to Kakashi’s relief as he approached the familiar apartment. It was getting late in the evening and he was exhausted from the back-to-back missions. The prison break seemed to have been resolved, though what grabbed his attention was the identity of the mastermind behind it. As soon as he heard Pakkun say the name he started making his way towards Iruka’s house.
If he knew any better Iruka was probably feeling guilty for what happened again, it only worsening as it was Naruto who saved him this time. Naruto was fine though, he was on another mission with Hinata and Shino he heard. But did Iruka think that? Even if he acknowledged Naruto’s growth there would always be a part of him worrying.
There was no more time to think of it as the Chuunin’s front door was in his view. Turning the knob, it was unlocked, Iruka was home.
Taking off his shoes and stepping inside, the kitchen area was lit but empty. Kakashi looked around for signs of his partner but found none. The only thing grabbing his attention was a stack of ungraded papers in the middle of marking left on the kitchen table. He found it strange as Iruka usually never left work unfinished but not too alarming. However, that could only mean one thing, Iruka was in his room, most likely wallowing.
Kakashi approached the bedroom door and opened it slightly, peering inside. The lights were off but he could feel Iruka’s chakra energy weighing down on him.
“Usually one would welcome their lover when they come home, you know?” Kakashi chided playfully, opening the door fully.
He was met with silence, which wasn’t surprising, the chakra energy shifted, letting him know that he was awake.
“Naruto’s on another mission right now, right? It never fails to amaze me how quickly his wounds heal.”
The lump on the bed seemed to tense and Kakashi could make out the silhouette of a faint nod. He had a feeling Iruka felt guilt for what happened, this only confirmed his suspicion.
Kakashi sighed. “Mizuki came back, didn’t he,” it wasn’t a question. He watched the figure shift around again in discomfort.
“Pakkun told me what happened but I don’t know all of the details,” Kakashi admitted, sitting down next to him. Iruka didn’t move.
He knew what it meant whenever Mizuki was the topic of conversation. Iruka didn’t speak of him much and Kakashi never brought him up. Though he knew of their history, he knew he was the cause of the giant gash on his back. One that he’s traced many times before as a silent acknowledgment whenever Iruka needed a distraction from the memory.
If this situation was the same as every time before, Kakashi knew what Iruka wanted him to do, to say; Iruka didn’t want to think about it.
“I think you need a distraction,” his gloved hand reached out and pulled at the hairband tying Iruka’s hair together until it came apart. Pushing the strands away from his neck, Kakashi leaned forward and nuzzled his neck. “I can help you with that,” he continued into his skin.
Iruka shivered lightly at the touch, weakly trying to pull away from it. “I’d rather you didn’t…” he said softly.
The Jounin wasn’t convinced, opting to stroke his hair instead, the metal part of his glove lightly brushing against his skin. “Are you sure?” He asked with a low voice, trying to incite a reaction. “It could help—“
“Kakashi.”
Said man paused in his actions at his name, waiting for a continuation.
“I said no…”
Kakashi felt his insides turn at the phrase, instantly letting go of his hair and stepping away from him. Worried that he might’ve angered the other, Kakashi thought of leaving him alone but he didn’t. Instead, he moved to sit in front of him, taking his hands and planting kisses on his wrists, masked by the cloth over his face, as a quiet apology.
They sat there in comfortable silence for a while, Kakashi still trying to piece together what happened. Pakkun only told him so much, obviously hinting that he should figure it out for himself. He thought back to when he first arrived back, the ungraded papers neglected at the kitchen table. Kakashi scolded himself for not recognizing them as a failed attempt on Iruka’s part in distracting himself. Something else happened with Mizuki, something Iruka wants to ignore but can’t.
“If you feel like talking, I’ll listen,” he realized he was repeating what he said to Iruka all those years ago. Back when Iruka was first assigned to teach Naruto. His heart warmed slightly at the nostalgia.
“You always do,” Iruka smiled sadly, recognizing the parallel as well.
Kakashi watched patiently as Iruka attempted to gather his thoughts. He could see the internal conflict through his face, the silent debate on whether he should tell him or not.
“It was all a lie,” Iruka started. “I was so naïve and blind, I couldn’t see it happening right in front of me for all these years.”
“You couldn’t have known—“ Kakashi began to say but was cut off.
“It made me more than happy to see you in your misery,” Iruka whispered. “That’s what he said to me… all this time, none of it was real, none of it, and I was too stupid to—“ his face crinkled as he choked on a sob, curling in on himself.
Kakashi was confused, not understanding what exactly it was about Mizuki’s words that were any different. He didn’t ask however, now wasn’t the time for that.
“If only I'd never met him then Naruto wouldn’t have…” he traced the fading scar on his left arm. Kakashi recognized it as a new one, most likely from his encounter with Mizuki. “I’m sorry, I want to tell you but I can’t… not right now…”
Kakashi stopped him by gently grabbing his hands, rubbing circles into them. “You don’t have to tell me, is there anything I can do?”
Iruka didn’t look at him, focusing more on their interlocked fingers. Kakashi felt tears drip onto his thumb but he didn’t comment on it.
“Can you just… be here,” Iruka said finally, his hands shaking in the grip in an attempt to tighten the hold.
“Of course.”
“Thank you,” Even without seeing his face, Kakashi could tell Iruka was smiling.
Iruka shifted closer to him after a while, leaning against his chest. At the proximity, Kakashi could hear his calm breaths albeit shallow and in between sniffles. His brain itched in curiosity, wanting to know whatever it was Mizuki could’ve done more to make Iruka this way but he didn’t pry. Iruka didn’t want to talk right now and he was fine with that. Because eventually, if he ever did, Kakashi would be waiting for him, willing to listen.