Archive of Our Own

If Changbin could go back in time and change just one thing about his past, he would definitely choose to never meet Felix, because Felix, being the kindest soul in the world, didn’t deserve to witness and be a part of his old life.

Felix and him broke up a little over a year ago – though it could hardly be called a breakup, because they both still loved each other and decided to part ways peacefully before this love would take its toll on Felix’s mental health. Felix suggested that they stayed friends, at least, and God did Changbin want this too, but for the sake of Felix’s peace of mind he pretended that it wasn’t exactly the best idea.

Maybe it wasn’t, or maybe it was, but Changbin tried to believe that he would never have to actually find that out, because soon after they parted ways Felix moved back to Australia and disappeared from Changbin’s life almost completely.

He was, of course, still talking to Hyunjin and Seungmin, that was a given, but seeing how devastated their friend was because of that, they didn’t update him on how Felix was doing – something Changbin often regretted but was mostly grateful for.

Right now, however, staring at the blue wedding invitation in front of his eyes and the digital version of it with a quick note from Seungmin that Felix is also invited and promised to attend the ceremony, Changbin can only smile grimly and half-seriously think about ways to avoid being Hyunjin’s best man and hopefully move out of the country until they will both forget such betrayal on their wedding day.

The problem is, he isn’t sure that he’s ready to see Felix again, because to him Felix is still the most loved and desired person in the world, and Changbin doesn’t think that there is anything that can change that, perhaps not even the time itself.

It scares him to think that when he does see Felix, he will probably not be able to pretend that they haven’t been together for nearly four years, to act all nice and polite as though just remembering the tiniest details about Felix doesn’t already bring tears to his eyes.

Regardless of whether he accepted Hyunjin’s request or not, there would be no way for them to not somehow bump into each other during the ceremony or after it, and that means that Changbin needs to start mentally preparing for it right from this very moment.

This idea scares him way more than the responsibilities he had to take upon himself as a best man, but he feels grateful that Seungmin chose Jeongin for that role: otherwise, if it was Felix, he would probably not even survive until the wedding day itself.

There are still almost two months left before the big day hits, still so many things that can change and go differently, but Changbin barely hesitates before picking up his phone and dialing Hyunjin’s number.

Hyunjin and him have been best friends since middle school – a lanky prince with interests in just about anything a teenager could immerse himself into and a dark, gloomy boy, who only loved sports and drawing – not actual paintings, but small doodles and funny sketches, with the dream of becoming a tattoo artist one day.

Hyunjin had no idea what he wanted to do in the future, so he tried everything and all in hopes to see what would spark the most joy for him, while Changbin always knew that he was attracted to the idea of opening his own tattoo parlor. They first met at a boxing class, where Hyunjin was a newcomer and Changbin’s been almost considered a real fighter with the amount of time and effort he dedicated to that, and though Hyunjin dropped out of that class not even two weeks later, they became inseparable ever since.

Changbin witnessed all of Hyunjin’s joyful moments as well as his moments of crisis, self-doubt and pain, while Hyunjin was probably the only person until he met Felix who could see past the dark threatening aura he built around himself back at school to protect his fragile, loving heart. Hyunjin’s always been an open book for the world, while Changbin had a lock on his heart that only the people he trusted ever got access to, but being so different only strengthened the bond between them.

If Hyunjin wants him to be the best man, Changbin is ready to do just about anything to ensure that he feels comfortable, relaxed and, above it all, happy on the day he’s been immensely excited for ever since Seungmin said yes to his proposal.

The wedding invitation isn’t surprising for him at all: Hyunjin shared his plans a few months before he proposed, asking whether Changbin would do him this big favor, and though at that time Changbin still felt heartbroken because of his own relationship ending in ruins, he simply couldn’t say no to his best friend.

There are some things that don’t even need verbal proof to immediately tell that they’re true, that they’re real, and one of those things is the genuine love Seungmin has for his friend, but Hyunjin’s always been quite an emotional person, so for him stressing out about things is the most normal reaction to them. If Changbin can take at least some of that stress away by helping the pair organize their wedding and make sure that everything goes smoothly, he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do just that.

Hyunjin takes a while to pick up the call, and Changbin even thinks for a moment to call him again later, but then he finally hears a cheerful greeting and can’t hold back a fond smile at that. Somehow, Hyunjin always manages to make him feel better even on his worst days by literally just existing and talking to him.

“Hi, Bin!” Hyunjin chirps. “Did you receive the invitation?”

“Yeah,” Changbin responds. “We’ve been walking through every step of the wedding preparations together, though, so it really wasn’t that necessary to send me an actual card.”

Changbin is one practical man – though he appreciates the kind gesture and knows that this little card will serve as a great memory later in life, he still believes that it was almost a waste of time to send the card to him. Hyunjin, however, strongly disagrees, saying that they wanted him to have a physical reminder about that day too – or rather, something other than them being a disgustingly sweet married couple to remind him about the wedding.

“Seungmin told you that Felix is coming too, right?” Hyunjin then asks carefully, voice slightly concerned.

It makes Changbin laugh sadly: though seeing each other again will probably be painful for both of them, they’re attending the wedding for Hyunjin and Seungmin, not for whatever happened in their past.

“I would honestly feel worse if he didn’t come,” Changbin admits.

That is true, because the wedding isn’t about him, even if Felix will have to deal with bumping into him everywhere for the entirety of the ceremony, so if Felix decided to not come, it would definitely upset Changbin more. Of course, there are many things that could possibly happen to halt him in Australia even if he wanted to attend the wedding, but Changbin feels a lot lighter knowing that Felix, much like him, puts the happiness of their friends before the old wounds.

“Are you sure..?” Hyunjin still tries, only for Changbin to sigh at this.

“Hyunjin, it’s your wedding day, and me seeing Felix again should be the last of your worries,” he assures. “You know we won’t start ripping each other’s throats as you make your vows, we parted peacefully.”

“You’re such an idiot,” Hyunjin chuckles, but by his tone Changbin can tell that he isn’t going to push this subject any further.

“I appreciate that you worry about me, Hyun,” Changbin says seriously. “I still miss him every day, you know I can’t move on no matter how hard I try to, but I’m coming to your wedding to celebrate you and Seungmin before anything else, and if Felix said that he is going to attend it, then he probably thinks the same.”

“Alright, alright,” his friend finally gives up. “I was just making sure. Why’d you call though?”

The question gets Changbin confused for a moment, because he doesn’t remember having any solid reason to call Hyunjin: apparently, it’s just become Changbin’s habit to always run to him whenever something big or unexpected happens in his life. He doesn’t have to lie about that — Hyunjin can easily read him even when it’s over the phone, but it then turns out that Hyunjin was actually meaning to give him a call later this evening anyway.

“I know I’m asking for so many things from you already, and it’s okay if you can’t or don’t feel like it, but… could you maybe look after Kkami while we’ll be away?”

“I thought you were going to leave him with your parents?”

At least, that was the plan Changbin was informed of when he asked the pair what they were going to do with their dog — he never minded playing with Kkami and occasionally serving as the dog’s temporary house and owner. Back then, Hyunjin said that there wasn’t anything to worry about, because his parents volunteered to look after Kkami while the newlyweds would be on their honeymoon somewhere in Switzerland.

“Yeah, but something came up and they’ll be in another city for almost a week after the wedding, so…” Hyunjin responds with a sigh. “And, um— you know that Minnie’s parents aren’t that fond of me.”

That is something Changbin knows very well: while Seungmin’s parents accepted his choice and never tried to interfere with their relationship in any way, they also never really approved of Hyunjin, calling him too much of a harum-scarum, something he’s never truly been, though he could give that impression at first.

They tried to learn how to compromise and find the middle ground, but after discussing it thoroughly with Seungmin, they decided it would be better for everyone if his parents didn’t even attend the wedding.

Seungmin’s older sister, however, has never had anything against Seungmin’s fiancé, but she is allergic to fur, so trying to leave Kkami with her isn’t a good idea either. Actually, Changbin is allergic to fur as well, but thankfully, for him it’s only triggered when he interacts with cats, or else it would’ve been him and not Kkami who would need to be taken care of.

Changbin’s unintentional little pause seems to drag on long enough for Hyunjin to regret asking the question.

“It’s alright if you can’t!” Hyunjin quickly says. “We can ask Jeongin, too, and if none of that works out, Jisung said they’d gladly help out.”

Jisung and Minho, however, have their small shared apartment full of cats (and this isn’t even a pun about Minho), and the last time Hyunjin tried to leave Kkami with them didnt’t really go well.

Kkami, who is usually not aggressive at all, didn’t like the way Soonie, Doongie and Dori teamed up against him, and in the end Minho got scratches all over his arms while Jisung was bitten by Kkami. To say that it was a disastrous experiment and that even Changbin fears that happening again would be an understatement, and they both know it.

“Nah, there’s no need to,” Changbin smiles at the way Hyunjin sighs in relief. “I’ve taken him plenty of times, and I’m not going anywhere other than work, so it should be fine.”

“That’s exactly why I wasn’t sure whether you’d want to do it this time…” Hyunjin trails off at that. “You know—”

“I’ll be fine,” Changbin remains firm, because he believes he knows himself better. “Better tell me, did you finally make up your mind about the cake decorations?”

After that, they spend another twenty minutes discussing the wedding cake, and with how indecisive both Hyunjin and Seungmin are about this, Changbin almost forgets about having to meet with Felix again, as well as he forgets about Kkami.

When they do finally come to some sort of an agreement after Seungmin joins them (Changbin tries not to think about how they probably have their fingers intertwined and how Hyunjin unconsciously rubs the back of Seungmin’s hand with his thumb) and finish the call, however, Changbin has to admit that, apparently, after all, he doesn’t really know himself that well.

With another glance at the card on the table, Changbin turns off his laptop and lets himself take that inevitable trip down the memory lane and live through all the happy and heartbreaking moments they shared with Felix again, hoping that it will somehow help him ease his mind and serve as a reminder about why they actually made the decision to break up.

////

They met almost five years ago, when Changbin had just graduated from university and started his job at the tattoo parlor since he couldn’t afford opening his own parlor right away.

Hyunjin was going into his last year at university as well, and during the summer break the dance team he was a part of at that time won the local round of some big competition, which resulted in them having to fly to another country for three weeks. Hyunjin’s parents never stayed at home for too long, mostly traveling around the world because of their job, and they were away during that period, too, so Hyunjin had no one to leave his little dog Kkami with.

At first, even looking at Hyunjin’s pleading eyes and his pouty plump lips, Changbin hesitated: Kkami didn’t particularly like him back then, and he wasn’t sure that he’d make a good dog uncle since he barely had any experience of taking care about animals.

Hyunjin insisted that it would be a great bonding time for them, since Changbin wouldn’t really be able to avoid interacting with Kkami forever even if he wanted to, and his voice sounded as though he was just about to cry in despair, so Changbin eventually agreed to this like a good and supportive friend he was.

When the time came for that, the so-called “bonding” didn’t really have a good start: not even two days later Kkami started coughing every now and then and refused to eat the food that Hyunjin left for him. Though Changbin guessed that this mood was caused by the dog simply missing his owner, he couldn’t wrap his mind around the possible reasons for this cough even after he scrolled through countless articles on the internet.

Calling or texting Hyunjin wasn’t an option, because he ended up living in a hotel with very slow Wi-Fi and barely even spent time there anyway, so Changbin decided to be responsible for once and took Kkami to a vet. The doctor assured him that Kkami wasn’t going to die in his hands and prescribed the necessary medicine, telling Changbin, who barely paid attention to what he was saying, to come back again a week later.

Changbin returned on the very next day, with a completely made-up reason — this time he said that he lost the prescription — only to see the guy who worked as the vet assistant again. They didn’t really even interact upon their first meeting, and all Changbin knew was that his name was Felix, that he had a voice deeper than the ocean and, in contrast to that, the brightest sunshine smile and a starry constellation of little freckles scattered all over his face.

There was something about this guy that made Changbin come back to the clinic every other day until Hyunjin returned, even though everyone knew that Kkami didn’t need any more help after recovering safely.

Changbin wasn’t sure how he could approach the sunshine boy, because, for all he knew, Felix could easily punch him in the face if Changbin straight up asked him out on a date, and they didn’t really have anything in common for Changbin to simply offer to hang out one day.

Luckily for him, Felix also got curious about the strange visitor, so they somehow ended up finally meeting somewhere that wasn’t the vet clinic, and Changbin had to confess that Kkami wasn’t even his dog and that he only kept using that excuse because he wanted to see Felix again.

Felix, the sweetest soul, as Changbin discovered on that day (not that he ever doubted that after seeing the way Felix treated animals at work), just laughed at this and said that he was really flattered to hear that.

His laughter then got cut off by a quiet “I don’t really get many compliments here”, and that was the moment when complimenting Felix on every given opportunity became something akin to a life mission for Changbin.

They would often hang out together in their free time, chatting about everything and nothing at the same time, and Changbin always made sure to treat him to some nice food or candies that Felix loved so much, though he kept insisting on paying for the meal and sneakily did that a few times while Changbin was in the restroom.

Things escalated quite quickly: it was obvious to everyone around that they were into each other and was no secret for them both either, so on one of their late-night walks through the quiet streets and empty alleys Changbin finally confessed his feelings to Felix, as well as shared something very personal, something that wasn’t meant to ever be known by anyone other than Hyunjin and Jisung.

Changbin didn’t want to start their relationship while still having this secret, didn’t want Felix to dive into the unknown only to find an unpleasant surprise a few months later, so he gave Felix the time and opportunity to think things through and choose whether he truly wanted to do this.

“Remember that one day when I showed up at the cinema with a bruise on my face?” he asked back then, waiting for Felix to nod in confusion before continuing. “Well, that wasn’t just a one-time bruise, I have those almost all over my body at times, because I’m not only a tattoo artist, but also… I often participate in underground fights. You could call that a hobby, of sorts.”

On that night Changbin didn’t dare to share that it wasn’t just a hobby, that for him it was the only working way to free himself from the poisonous thoughts and anxious fears that invaded his mind from time to time. Though he gave up boxing not long after getting into university, Changbin never stopped fighting — only that it turned into fights without strict rules, the risky, dangerous evenings that helped him forget about everything else.

Felix figured it out himself a few months into their relationship when he started to notice more and more how sometimes Changbin would turn gloomy all of a sudden, how he would skip work and spend the days drawing instead. That was when Felix gently tried to offer his help, but at that time Changbin wasn’t ready to accept it, wasn’t ready to open up and share what his inner voices were screaming at him sometimes.

There were things he never shared even with Hyunjin, because he felt ashamed of who he was, ashamed of his own feelings and the triggers behind them.

The truth was that Changbin didn’t start boxing just as a hobby — in fact, he always preferred less risky activities as a child and didn’t particularly like boxing when he came to his first class. He chose the path of self-defense on both physical and mental levels after being picked on by other kids for years, when their verbal bullying turned into fights and Changbin’s very limited at that time physical strength stopped helping.

As an adult, Changbin often found it ironic how being bullied at school made him fear for his life and dive into the necessary changes in hopes to protect himself. He never had to use his newly acquired skills outside of the boxing ring because the bullying came to an end the moment those teens found out that he started to learn boxing, and, frankly, Changbin never liked violence in any form — and boxing, though with a list of strict rules, for him still felt quite violent.

While the bullying stopped, Changbin could never really wash away all the harsh words and labels that were put on him back then, and occasionally the memories of those days would still visit him unexpectedly. At times like that, Changbin sought help in those underground fights: he tried finding a good doctor to work on this problem several times, but his fears always ended up being invalidated in one way or another, so eventually he came to a false understanding that nothing other than experiencing the same fear for life could get him back on track.

Felix wanted to help, it was easy to see in his shining eyes and reassuring touches, but he didn’t insist on that because he saw how hard it was for Changbin to even admit it to himself that he needed to try and seek professional help again. Felix made sure to always be by his side, reminded Changbin that he was worthy of all the good things and that if he ever accepted the helping hand, Felix wouldn’t let go.

They were together for nearly four years, sharing all the joyful and heartbreaking moments and trying to grow together as well, but Changbin’s best efforts at healthy communication were still not enough to guard Felix from worrying about him after every fight that happened at least once in a few months.

Changbin tried, he really did, but each of his attempts to fight with this feeling instead of giving in to those underground fights in hopes to stop feeling for at least one evening failed, and Felix, with all his love and sunny smiles, with his warm hands and his big heart, wasn’t made of stone to go on like this.

When Felix carefully voiced his decision to part ways, it met no resistance from Changbin’s side — as much as he loved Felix and wished they could live a happy life together like Hyunjin and Seungmin, whose relationship started to bloom right before their eyes, he also deeply respected Felix’s choices.

At that time of life, no matter how much love was between them, their puzzle just wasn’t meant to be completed: Felix knew that these fights would soon start to drive him crazy, and Changbin didn’t want to hurt someone he loved so dearly with the actions he just couldn’t give up.

Changbin did the only right thing in that situation — he let Felix go, as well as he tried to help Felix let go of the memories they created together, even though he understood that it would be practically impossible for both of them to truly forget those moments.

They were happy together, as happy as they could possibly be in this situation, but there are moments when to make someone happy you need to actually erase yourself from their life, and that was what Changbin tried to do. What might have seemed like a small, barely noticeable lack of communication to others, something a lot of pairs wouldn’t even dwell on, was the most important sign for Changbin that they were both walking into a dead end.

In a way, living alone in the almost empty apartment that was now missing the high-pitched giggles and the smell of cinnamon buns and cookies Felix baked every Sunday again served as a wake up call for Changbin. He let Felix go, but only on a physical level: he deleted Felix’s number that he still knew by heart, transferred all their pictures into a separate flash-drive that he then gave to Hyunjin, even donated the clothes Felix gave to him as gifts on every holiday.

Trying to get over Felix was the hardest thing, something Changbin never really succeeded at, but he needed this realization that he lost the most precious part of his life to the bullies of the past, those he never even saw again after school, so that he could finally accept that this was ruining his life and taking away every good thing and memory he had.

It took a lot of time, patience and support from his closest friends — Hyunjin and Seungmin, as well as Jisung — to find what would work for him, but by that time when Hyunjin voiced his plan to propose to Seungmin, Changbin stopped participating in the fights.

Losing Felix taught Changbin one very tough lesson, but whenever he thought back to the day they decided to break up for good, he never felt any pity for himself — if anything, he wished that he never made Felix experience all the pain and hurt that he had to go through.

It’s because he loved Felix so much that Changbin often wished that they didn’t meet in the first place, that he didn’t agree to help Hyunjin look after Kkami back then, that none of those things happened.

Changbin often dreamed of meeting Felix in another universe, where they would both be allowed to love and be happy, where the stars that found reflection in Felix’s eyes would finally smile at them instead of frowning upon their love.

////

Swamped with his responsibilities of being Hyunjin’s best man, Changbin barely notices how the days fly by: his schedule mostly consists of waking up, going to the gym, working through all the appointments in his tattoo parlor that he finally managed to open two years ago and then spending the rest of the day with Hyunjin, often joined by Jeongin and Seungmin.

There’s just one week left until the big day, and today Hyunjin asked Changbin to drive him to the salon to style his hair (Changbin doesn’t mention that it’s the third time this month only because he understands how nervous Hyunjin must be) and make sure that they’ll get everything right on the wedding day itself.

While Changbin, bored to death, contemplates getting an undercut, Hyunjin shows the hair-stylist pictures of himself in the wedding suit and asks whether the ribbon color and fabric really, one hundred percent fit the suit.

“Hyun, do you really think that anyone is going to think that your ribbon doesn’t match the suit even if that happens?” Changbin asks, making Hyunjin roll his eyes at the question.

Changbin only asks that to tease his friend a little, hoping that this will somehow distract him from slipping further into his thoughts and doubts. He knows why Hyunjin is so stuck on those details, as well as he understands why Seungmin is so worried about the ceremony going as planned without any unpleasant surprises — while Hyunjin is a die-hard romantic who wants everything to be perfect on such an important for them day, Seungmin is a bit more practical and can’t stand it when his plans get interrupted.

“Seungminnie and I decided to do the first look alone before the ceremony,” Hyunjin shares instead of responding to his question. “Can you give me a lift to that place? Jeongin will drive our car, you can hang out together while waiting for us.”

“Weren’t you planning to capture this moment?” Changbin finds himself slightly surprised at the sudden change of plans.

“Yeah, but then we talked about it again,” Hyunjin murmurs, smiling at the hair-stylist in the mirror reflection. “We want this to be more intimate, even if there will be no pictures of that. I mean, we still have a whole photoshoot scheduled anyway.”

“Or maybe it’s because you’re afraid of breaking down when you see Seungmin at the altar,” Changbin snorts, but he doesn’t mean anything bad by that.

It’s no secret to anyone that Hyunjin is a walking bundle of emotions, so, regardless of whether they have their first look in front of the photographer or keep it just between the two of them, Changbin can easily bet money that Hyunjin is still going to cry at the actual ceremony.

Well, he probably is going to tear up himself upon seeing his best friend and the love of his life carry their relationship on a new level by creating a family, so it’s not like Changbin has any rights in this conversation.

Seungmin’s always been Felix’s best friend and that is how he first encountered Hyunjin as well, so whenever Changbin catches himself thinking about wishing to never have met Felix, he has to remind himself that everything he has in his life, including his own peace of mind and his best friend’s happiness happened because he did date with Felix.

“I’m probably going to sob my eyes out the night before,” Hyunjin half-jokes, jumping out of the chair happily when the hair-stylist finishes her job. “Good thing that I have Binnie to let me cry on his shoulder, right?”

“You’re not going to cry before your wedding, Hyunjin,” Changbin cuts him off. “That will make your eyes puffy and then you’ll cry some more because of that.”

“As expected from my best man,” Hyunjin grins. “You sure have your way with words.”

Once they leave the salon and get into the car, both agreeing to grab a quick lunch in their favorite small Chinese restaurant, Changbin decides to change the topic.

“Alright, we’re done with this, what’s next on the list? I hope you didn’t call me just so that I could drive you here?”

Hyunjin quickly averts his gaze for a second, light blush tinting his cheeks, and he looks a little guilty. Changbin is perfectly aware of how dramatic Hyunjin can be at times, so he opens his mouth to say that he doesn’t mind helping him even with such tiny things that Hyunjin could do himself, but Hyunjin beats him to it.

When Changbin hears what Hyunjin says, he freezes with a promise that he’s always ready to provide moral support left unspoken, eyes wide in shock that, thankfully, only lasts for a few moments.

“Felix texted me this morning, said he couldn’t reach you on any social media, which I understand but pretended I knew nothing about, and he asked whether you would mind him booking an appointment at your parlor?”

Changbin’s brain takes a few seconds to properly process the information: he first just stares at Hyunjin wordlessly, then shakes his head a few times and then, as though accepting that, simply shrugs.

It’s no wonder that Felix couldn’t text him on any platform — Changbin blocked all of his accounts to avoid coming back to them (and Felix actually knew about this and was more than okay with it), but it still makes him feel slightly suspicious because, if anything, Felix could’ve just created a new account instead of bothering the already slightly edgy Hyunjin.

He doesn’t question that for too long; perhaps, Felix was just testing the waters through Hyunjin to see if Changbin would agree to have anything to do with him again, or maybe he simply forgot that he could actually make a new account and there was no implication behind this question at all.

Both things sound like something Felix would do, so Changbin tells Hyunjin that he only has some appointments still available after the wedding and that he doesn’t mind Felix coming to his parlor at all.

“I’m not the only tattoo artist there, anyway,” Changbin isn’t even sure why he’s trying to fool Hyunjin with his firm voice. “Yeonjun or Siyeon can do that tattoo for him, too.”

“Bin, he asked me about you,” Hyunjin says, sighing. “It’s not like you don’t understand that.”

That is true — Changbin does understand that, but tries to prolong the denial stage for as long as it’s possible, though it makes no difference for anyone. Still, even so, Changbin knows how to be professional when it comes to his job and he secretly appreciates that Felix trusts him as a tattoo artist even a year after their breakup. As soon as Felix steps into his parlor, Changbin will start to perceive him only as a client, all personal feelings aside: he already practiced and proved that both with Felix and his friends.

Felix trusted Changbin to do his first (and most likely only) tattoo back in the day — a small dragon surrounded by stars on his forearm, his own little reminder about the strength and beauty he has inside. Changbin also did several tattoos for Hyunjin (a blooming flower branch under his collarbone, another flower on his wrist and a line from his favorite song ever since middle school on the back of his neck), two for Jisung (a cartoon-style shark and a dagger — still Changbin’s favorite contrast up to date) and a tiny cat tattoo for Minho.

So, yes, Changbin knows how to forget about his feelings and focus on the task at hand, and yet the idea of having to be so close to Felix again, alone in the small room, does make him slightly nervous.

“Tell him to text me after the wedding, okay? That’s in case we both get lucky and don’t have to talk there.”

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything to this, settles for patting his shoulder, but Changbin appreciates the silent support even if he doesn’t truly need it at the moment.

They then switch back to discussing the wedding details for what feels like the millionth time at this point, the only exception is that now Changbin fully immerses himself in the conversation, almost happily grabbing onto the chance to get distracted from thinking about Felix again — even if this distraction comes in the form of Hyunjin worrying that Seungmin may not be impressed by the surprise he prepared.

“You literally got his favorite band to play his favorite song and dedicate it to him, Hyunjin!” Changbin tries, but Hyunjin remains stubbornly worried.

“But it’s not live!” he pouts. “They just recorded a video, so what if he doesn’t like it? Okay, fine, don’t give me that look, it’s just… nerve-racking. And Seungmin knows all the details about the ceremony— I tried to keep it in secret, but what if—”

“Hyunjin,” Changbin glares at his friend. “You should put some trust in Jisung since you chose him to host your wedding, he’s probably already rewritten the whole thing to make sure to squeeze that surprise in somewhere and keeps that final draft to himself. You know Jisung, he’ll find a way to randomly drop it on Seungmin out of nowhere, he’s good at this stuff.”

“Yeah, you’re so right,” Hyunjin smiles dreamily and finally gets to his noodles. “Thank you, Binnie. I’m actually wondering when will Jisung drop that big question on his boyfriend? They’re more married than Minnie and I are.”

“You aren’t married yet,” Changbin points out, laughing at the way Hyunjin pouts at him again. “I’m sure he has some plan stashed in his big brain.”

The rest of their lunch is quiet, but Changbin can’t bring himself to enjoy the food, because his thoughts keep coming back to the moment when he realized that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Felix.

He never got to propose, but, even though he did his best to get rid of everything that would serve as a physical reminder about the years they shared together, Changbin couldn’t let go of the ring he bought. He hasn’t opened the box since they broke up, but the memory of it is always there — Changbin keeps it to never forget what the cost for the most important and freeing change in his life was.

Thinking about the appointment they’re now inevitably going to have, Changbin guesses that the time has probably come to start mentally preparing himself for a whole damn ocean of emotions that’s going to crash onto him the moment he sees Felix’s sunshine smile again.

////

Predictably, when the wedding day actually comes, all of Changbin’s preparations fly out of the window, making him almost just as nervous and giddy as Hyunjin is.

Hyunjin spent the night at his place, that was one of the very few superstitions and little traditions that the couple chose to follow, and it was Changbin’s responsibility to make sure that he would get enough sleep, but they both still ended up being awake at sunrise.

Now that they both got dressed and went to the salon to get their hair styled, Changbin can barely focus on the road as he’s driving the car to the park where Hyunjin and Seungmin decided to do their first look before heading to the ceremony itself.

“Do you—” Hyunjin tries, but Changbin already knows what he’s going to ask.

It will either be “Do you have the rings?” or “Do you think I look good?”, there’s no in between because Hyunjin’s asked those two questions perhaps fifteen times since they got into the car. Hyunjin’s hand almost reaches up to touch the burgundy ribbon in his hair again, but Changbin notices that right on time and gently pats his thigh to stop him from ruining his hair.

“I didn’t lose the rings,” he reports calmy. “They’re in my pocket, nothing bad will happen to them because you trust me to keep them safe, alright? You look gorgeous, Hyun, that is something you definitely don’t have to worry about. Chin up, don’t be so nervous, you’re going to make each other the happiest idiots in love.”

“Thank you, Bin,” Hyunjin responds with a faint smile. “I love you so much.”

“Oh, well, I do love you too,” Changbin laughs, feeling a bit awkward because they rarely exchange words like this. “But I believe there’s someone waiting for you to say that in this beautiful park.”

He pulls up near the park entrance, right by the car Hyunjin and Seungmin bought together a few years ago, and waves at Jeongin, who beams upon seeing him and the groom.

They’re dressed in a similar way — with tiny flower branches pinned on the suit and burgundy pocket squares made of the same fabric Hyunjin’s ribbon is since that fits the color scheme of the wedding, but while Changbin, just like Hyunjin, wears a necktie today, Jeongin and Seungmin are both in the “bowtie team”. Seungmin found that name funny, and Hyunjin eagerly supported the idea of their best men matching them with those little details.

“Look at you!” Jeongin whistles. “Kim Seungmin scored himself one very fine man, I even felt jealous for a second.”

The joke helps lighten the atmosphere and they both laugh at Jeongin’s words, after which Hyunjin straightens his back, takes a deep breath to calm down and then finally disappears in the park, where Seungmin is waiting for him under the alder tree where they had their first kiss.

Changbin used to tease them about remembering the exact tree, but Hyunjin always found a way to make him shut up by bringing up the little details about Felix that Changbin knew like the back of his hand — that was before they broke up, of course.

“I know the title will probably go to Jisung later, but for now you’re the hero of today for me,” Jeongin says with a giggle once they’re left alone by the cars. “I can’t even imagine dealing with Hyunjin when he’s this nervous and excited at the same time.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t easy, but for him? I’ll do just about anything, really,” Changbin shares, smiling fondly at the memory of how Hyunjin first told him that he met “the love of his life”.

“Seungmin cried yesterday,” Jeongin leans closer to whisper that. “I’ve only seen him cry once, when, uhhh…”

Changbin understands him without having to finish the sentence: when Seungmin’s parents honestly admitted that they weren’t happy about seeing Hyunjin in their house, it broke Seungmin’s heart.

He somehow managed to keep his relationship with family warm and not awkward, but that still remains a fact they can’t really get over, and up to this very day of their wedding none of them understands why exactly Seungmin’s parents took that side instead of at least trying to get to know Hyunjin better.

Hearing that Seungmin cried before the wedding isn’t really surprising, considering how much he loves Hyunjin and how much they both had to sacrifice in order for their relationship to keep blooming so beautifully, but Changbin still finds that very touching.

Seungmin usually doesn’t express his emotions other than pure uncontrollable joy like this, he tends to shape his feelings into words, giving them their own stories, unlike his fiancé, who would probably explode if he didn’t let his emotions out into the world.

“Can you give them a lift?” Jeongin then asks, slightly confusing Changbin with this sudden change of the topic. “I mean, you have the rings, and, um— I promised to pick up Felix, because it’s been a while since he was here. Don’t want him to get lost.”

Changbin’s little bubble that was filled with his happiness for Hyunjin and Seungmin only now explodes, and for a second Changbin even thinks that Jeongin quirks an eyebrow at him because he could hear that too. He nods quickly, hoping that Jeongin won’t question his slight hesitation — they’re friends, but not close enough for Jeongin to know about the reason behind their breakup, at least not from Changbin’s perspective, and he doesn’t feel like sharing this story today.

Seeing Felix again is inevitable, and Changbin isn’t even against it at all by now, though he is sure not ready for what today is going to bring him, so he simply tells himself to be grateful that Jeongin didn’t ask him to do this, letting him have some more peaceful time before the storm.

Changbin promises himself to focus on the wedding, on Hyunjin and Seungmin, on his speech and on helping Jisung the best he can, but he knows how hard it’s going to be to stick to that promise — the very moment he sees Felix after so long all the fences he tried to build around himself will fall.

Jeongin then says that he won’t wait for the pair to come back and promises to meet them at the wedding venue later — Hyunjin and Seungmin decided to have a quiet wedding, far from it being fancy and big, and rented a house by the lake with a magnificent garden that was built specifically for events like this.

The weather is almost perfect today, save for a few clouds in the sky, so Changbin guesses that they’ll be able to spend the entirety of the day outside in the garden, just like it was originally planned.

It takes another ten minutes of waiting before Hyunjin and Seungmin come back, holding hands and smiling at him, lips already slightly red from the kisses they must’ve exchanged under that alder tree. Changbin doesn’t mind waiting — today is all about this happy couple, after all — and he only grins back at them, warmth almost seeping through his body at the sight in front of his eyes.

He notices that not only Hyunjin’s eyes are still a little wet, but Seungmin’s too, yet chooses not to make any teasing remarks about it, instead pulling them both in for a hug and whispering how happy he feels for them.

They went through a lot of hardships as a couple, almost broke up twice because Hyunjin saw himself as a burden who would only ruin Seungmin’s relationship with his parents, but solved all their problems through honest and open communication, and now they’re here — one step away from officially becoming a family.

For a split second Changbin catches himself wondering whether his relationship with Felix would last longer if he put more effort in the communication they tried to build between them, but the honest answer to that is, predictably, no. Even if he had anything more than his absolute best to offer at that time, it would still not be enough, because only the heartbreak he experienced after losing Felix — though peacefully, with no hard feelings — truly made him change.

“So, Seungmin, are you ready for people to only ever call you Hwang Seungmin for the next few months?” Changbin asks to distract himself from those thoughts.

He glances at the couple on the backseat through the mirror and finds it very endearing that they’re still holding hands, fingers intertwined. Changbin suddenly feels very grateful for always having such a sweet example of love by his side; if it wasn’t for them, he would’ve probably stopped believing in the tales about healthy communication, especially since his own experience with that was tragic, to say the least.

“I’m sure I’ll get used to it sooner than others, so I’ll probably be hearing Kim Seungmin more often,” Seungmin chuckles, leaning forward to give Hyunjin a quick peck on the lips. “But I love it and I want this, even if I didn’t really have to change my last name.”

“You two are going to give me cavities one day,” Changbin rolls his eyes, but there’s nothing other than teasing in his tone.

“Well, maybe you should get your teeth checked tomorrow then,” Hyunjin fends off, making Seungmin laugh with this. “You know today is going to be the sweetest day of your life up to date.”

And again — Changbin doesn’t mean to remember this, but the memory of the second birthday of his that he got to celebrate with Felix comes to his mind uninvited, reminding him that it was his actual sweetest day ever. Felix baked his favorite cake, they watched a fun movie at the cinema with lots of cotton candy and then kissed for hours on end and made love until the sun started to rise, exchanging more kisses and quiet whispers full of love.

“Gotta ask Jisung to book the appointment right now,” Changbin snorts as he shakes his head a little to get rid of those images. “He’s going to have a blast hosting your wedding.”

“Or a headache,” Seungmin murmurs, chuckling when Hyunjin shushes him with a kiss.

Changbin parks the car on the other side of the house, away from all the guest cars, and, ironically enough, the pair’s own car, because they still need to do some last-minute preparations and have their couple photoshoot before they all gather at the altar.

It doesn’t take too long, and soon, having exchanged one more lingering kiss with Seungmin, Hyunjin joins Changbin and Jeongin in officially opening the ceremony.

Changbin’s never really been to any weddings before, so he can’t quite tell whether things look awkward or astonishing from the side, but what he does know is that the anticipation for the big moment makes his fingertips tingle, shoots excitement through his body.

He hasn’t seen Felix yet, but only because he forced himself to always keep his eyes on the groom instead of the crowd, no matter how impolite this may be considered — if someone asks him about it, he’s simply going to blame it on the nervousness. Changbin wants to remember this particular moment as the moment of pure joy, even if this joy isn’t exactly his, and he knows that if he lifts up his gaze and scans the crowd, his own little world is going to stop for a moment.

As a ring bearer, he can’t let himself lose control over his emotions, not right now, when Hyunjin and Seungmin, as well as everyone in this crowd, rely and depend on him, trust him this much.

He can’t help but wonder how Felix looks now, whether anything changed about him or if he stuck to his stunning blond mullet, can’t help but think about the makeup Felix did for this event — he’s always been into makeup, experimenting with new things — and yet he keeps his silent promise to avoid looking at Felix for as long as it’s possible.

Changbin still instantly turns to the side when he feels Hyunjin flinch next to him, because he can’t for the love of his life miss the moment when Seungmin walks down the aisle, but what he sees there makes a gasp slip from his lips against his will.

Although Changbin’s seen him less than half an hour ago, he still can’t help but be in awe because of how magical Seungmin looks with the brightest smile adorning his face that is meant for Hyunjin only, but what shocks him isn’t this, but rather who walks Seungmin down the aisle.

Changbin blinks a few times to make sure that it’s not an illusion of his wrecked brain, even glances at Hyunjin, who, predictably, has his eyes focused on the groom, but an equally confused look from Jeongin’s side makes him feel a tiny bit lighter — he wouldn’t enjoy being the only one left out of this news.

They all expected Seungmin’s sister to walk him down the aisle since his parents didn’t attend the wedding but he still wanted to be the one doing this, that was the plan they were all informed of, but, apparently, Seungmin decided to change it at the very last moment.

It’s Felix who walks together with him, arms linked, it’s Felix who wears a smile that can easily outshine the sun — at least for Changbin, and when Changbin realizes that, his little world does stop for a second, and then comes the explosion, a stray tear slipping down his cheek at the sight, quickly followed by another, then two more, and he only manages to catch himself before bursting into a series of sobs by discreetly pinching himself on the wrist.

Changbin’s seen Felix enough times in his life to expect a calm reaction from himself, but it’s simply been too long, too painful, too heartbreaking without his presence, and, watching him smile so happily as he takes Seungmin to the love of his life, Changbin can’t quite control the scary what if this was our wedding that comes to his mind.

He stares at Felix with wide eyes, not caring about how it’s going to be perceived by the other guests and not even trying to hide the fact that he’s not looking at the groom, because holy fucking shit Felix looks absolutely gorgeous.

For Changbin, it’s not about the fancy suit that highlights every part of his body, not about the blond mullet he still rocks because, apparently, he can’t part with it so easily, and not even about the pretty glitter makeup that makes his freckles stand out even more, no.

Felix looks genuinely happy, and happiness looks so good on him that back in the day Changbin would admire him for hours whenever something good happened, always earning a confused look from him and a few giggles when his only response was that Felix was simply too beautiful to not keep staring at him.

Changbin wasn’t afraid of seeing him again because of the prospect of having to talk with each other after so long, but rather because he knew that this happy smile would evoke a whole myriad of feelings that he’s been trying so hard to shut out.

Changbin gulps and visibly tenses when Felix looks up and their eyes meet for a second, because at this tiny moment it’s him who is at the receiving end of this smile that he thought he would never have directed at him again. There are little shiny stars twinkling in his eyes, and, though Changbin understands that it’s just an illusion of his brain, the only thought that is left in his mind at this moment is that for him right now loving Felix is exactly like trying to chase a star constellation would be.

It’s over in a second: Felix averts his gaze just as quickly as he looked at Changbin, who, in turn, goes back to looking at Hyunjin again, trying to fully focus on the important moment that’s about to come. Felix gives Seungmin a tight hug and then quietly steps back into the garden, but Changbin doesn’t dwell on this, already excited for the pair to make their vows and exchange the rings.

Changbin could easily say that about any moment Hyunjin is with Seungmin, and yet right now, as he takes Seungmin’s hands into his own and leaves a kiss on Seungmin’s knuckles, he definitely looks the happiest Changbin’s ever seen him — and he deserves this happiness so much that Changbin nearly starts tearing up again. He’s known Hyunjin for over ten years, they’ve been best friends through thick and thin, and Hyunjin’s always been a romantic person, gushing about love and marriage all the time, especially after he started dating with Seungmin.

Getting married to the person you love is just a formality for some people, a sign on paper that makes a relationship have more weight for the society and the government, and Changbin can understand those who don’t see the point of getting married — in a way, it really is a mere formality that many pairs don’t need, after all. But for Hyunjin marriage has always been the most beautiful sign of commitment of all the possible ones, and, seeing how he’s almost floating because of the overflowing love inside, Changbin feels peacefully happy for once, too.

Nothing else matters at this moment: it’s so important for Hyunjin and Seungmin that for these few minutes even Changbin’s brain blocks out all the toxic thoughts that would’ve invaded his mind otherwise.

“Seungmin,” Hyunjin clears his throat, biting on his bottom lip for a moment to hold back a grin when Seungmin beams at him. “My love, my biggest supporter, my whole universe, my soulmate. It rained on the day we met for the first time, and you were kind enough to lend me your colorful umbrella so that I wouldn’t get sick on my way home. It was such a simple gesture from your side, something many people would do, but for some reason, after that evening I simply couldn’t get you out of my head, couldn’t stop thinking about you and the way this umbrella, along with the momentarily touch of our hands, was actually an unexpected splash of colors that soon started to paint my life in ways I couldn’t imagine before. I’ve always been fond of the idea of painting different emotions, capturing moments of life that goes by so fast in something that would last for a long time, but there was something I couldn’t quite understand. Before I met you, I didn’t know what it was like to slow down and live in the present moment despite trying to catch those moments in my paintings, and, therefore, I never understood what I could paint love as. If you try to define love in a rush, this chaotic splash of colors won’t make any sense — neither to you, nor to anyone else. With you, Seungmin, I finally let myself slow down, and, though it’s me who tries to capture my life in paintings, somehow it was you, Seungmin, who showed me what love can be defined as. Each morning, when I open my eyes and you smile at me, I get reminded of what it’s like to love and to be loved, to be each other’s home regardless of what’s happening in our lives. You, Seungmin, have become my home, someone I can truly confide in. With you I learned that love can be so many things — a note left on the table when you have to work early, a warm blanket and a honey drink when I’m sick and can’t take care of myself, a gentle brush of your fingers on my arm when I’m nervous, a hand raised during an argument to remind me about the need to keep my voice down, a good night kiss, your fingers in my hair, quiet whispers early in the morning on our days off, letting me hold you all the time even if you could perfectly live without me being so clingy, my scarf around your neck, your hand in my pocket when it’s cold, a video call when we have to be away… You being here with me on this day, the fact that you said yes to my proposal, that you want to be my husband just as much as I want to be yours, your smile, the way your eyes shine whenever you look at me, the hearts in my eyes every time I see you — you, Seungmin, taught me what love truly is, and all my love is in you. Yesterday, today and on all the upcoming days that we will share together, I vow to always respect you, Seungmin, I vow to be your support, your shoulder to lean on and a back to hide behind, I vow to always protect you, to treat you with nothing but kindness and care just like you always treat me. I vow to always be the person you can trust, to always be your safe haven to return to, I vow to love you through all the hardships and all the joyful moments, to be by your side through thick and thin and to keep painting your life with colorful memories just like you’ve been painting mine since our first day — through rainy days, and sunny days, through blizzards and thunderstorms. Through it all, I vow to always be worthy of your trust and love, Seungmin — yesterday, today and on all the days that we will share together.”

Changbin’s heard that vow rehearsed by Hyunjin time and time again, and those words always left a certain impact on him because Hyunjin, who’s usually not that good with words, somehow managed to shape his deepest feelings in this beautiful vow through comparing the feeling of love to painting. Changbin knows that there aren’t any strict rules that dictate how the ceremony needs to go, but he finds it extremely touching that Hyunjin insisted on memorizing the vow word by word rather than reading it.

He sees tears shining on Seungmin’s cheeks, who looks at Hyunjin with brightest eyes full of endless adoration and love, and only then realizes that there are tears streaming down his face, too. Shaking his head, Changbin wipes them away and dares to look at the crowd for a second: though he doesn’t get to spot Felix before Seungmin starts saying his vow, he notices the way Hyunjin’s mother sniffles, holding hands with his father and Seungmin’s sister, who sits on the other side, and this sight makes his heart even warmer.

“Hyunjin, love,” Seungmin blinks away his tears and squeezes Hyunjin’s hands to help him stay focused and not get overwhelmed by the emotions right away. “You entered my life like a whirlwind of emotions — so different from me in almost everything, and yet somehow already so familiar and close to me. Before meeting you, I never thought that I could feel all those things that you made me feel, that you still make me feel every single day. I spent most of my life writing love stories with different plots, different settings, different characters, and I genuinely love some of those silly stories, but my favorite love story is this, the one we’re writing together right now. I’ve always been irritated when someone tried to interfere with my creative process, change the story I was writing and try to add new details, but then, one day, I let you into my mind, let you start crafting the intricate little webs of my story along with me, and I have not regretted this decision ever since. When I did so, our story was born, and I learned that sometimes to get a satisfying result that makes you happy you simply need to be a little braver and let someone into your world — not just anyone, but the person you feel connected to, someone you’re on the same emotional wavelength with, even if the way you express those emotions is drastically different. Before we met, I was an island — an independent island, and I believed that I was complete and didn’t need anything else, because islands exist just like that, they only exist as islands because they’re not connected to anything. However, when you appeared in my life, as suddenly as the sun sometimes crosses the gloomy sky, you planted a small dot next to the island that was my mind, my heart. It was just a tiny, almost transparent dot, but it was enough to cause a storm in my whole being, only for me to find the dot transforming into a short line — not steady enough to leave my island, but already more than I’ve ever had before. The more time we spent together, the longer and thicker this line became, and while it didn’t happen out of nowhere, while it took a lot of time, I still didn’t even realize how this small dot eventually turned into a dazzling bridge that was connecting me to you. We built this bridge together by putting trust into each other every single day: sometimes it was scary to leave our islands and meet in between, and sometimes the bridge felt a little shaky, but your hands were always there to steady and catch me even if it made you lose your balance. You always trusted me to not let you fall, and I do the same — I would choose you over and over again in a million other lifetimes, Hyunjin, and in this life I choose you to be my husband, my partner for as long as we’re allowed to be, in sadness and joy, on good days and hard days, on days when you steal my ice-cream and on days when you buy it for me, as well as on days when there’s no ice-cream in our fridge whatsoever, on days when you can’t seem to let go of me and on days when you’re away and I miss your warmth and gentle hands. As long as you choose me, Hyunjin, I vow to always keep the bridge that connects us steady, to love you through everything, to hold your hand equally tightly in darkness and in light. I vow to always be there to guide you as well as follow you, to be your safe place, your home, because I love you immensely, Hyunjin. I vow to be yours.”

Changbin blinks once, twice, and a few more times for a good measure to not start tearing up at Seungmin’s words too — he is actually surprised to see how well Hyunjin takes it, considering that on any other day just one sentence of Seungmin’s long self-written vow would turn him into a sobbing mess.

He feels happy and proud of them both for carrying their love and tenderness throughout the years, and when the moment comes for him to hand the rings to the couple, Changbin suddenly feels a light, barely tangible sting of jealousy, because this whole ceremony is something he didn’t deserve to have in the past.

This feeling is gone in a second, and Changbin feels truly guilty for letting something like this come into his mind in the first place, because no matter how heartbreaking this contrast between his friends and his relationship with Felix is for Changbin, he is genuinely excited and happy for them. He bites his bottom lip hard enough for it to hurt to shake away all the unwelcome thoughts, almost sighing in relief when his focus comes back to Hyunjin and Seungmin, who are now exchanging their rings.

“I’m so happy for you two,” Changbin grins, hugging the newlyweds once the official part is over and their vows are sealed with a kiss and their signatures. “Take care of each other, okay?”

Hyunjin responds with an equally bright grin and a nod, placing his hand on the small of Seungmin’s back protectively, and this gesture makes Changbin chuckle: they got married less than five minutes ago, but Hyunjin already can’t wait to have his hands on his now husband’s body again.

When Jeongin congratulates the pair as well, they both step aside, letting all the other guests shower the newlyweds with love and hugs too; while Jeongin goes to talk to the photographer about the photoshoot that is supposed to take place in twenty minutes, Changbin finally lets himself breathe freely and looks around to see who else attended the wedding.

That turns out to be his big mistake: there aren’t many people, just about thirty closest family members and friends of both Hyunjin and Seungmin, so his gaze naturally gravitates towards Felix, and Changbin feels his heart sink upon seeing Felix waiting in line to congratulate the pair with a guy, who has his arm casually thrown around Felix’s shoulder and is probably sharing some funny story right now.

Felix laughs at whatever is said, a genuine, carefree laugh that Changbin hasn’t seen in a whole year but never forgot how it sounded, and suddenly the smile Felix addressed to him for that short second while walking Seungmin down the aisle starts to seem like a faraway illusion for him.

Changbin tries to never assume anything without getting to the core of the situation first, but it’s so damn hard to not stand here frozen right now, staring at Felix almost like a creep.

It’s barely even jealousy, because Changbin perfectly understands that he lost Felix long ago, that Felix doesn’t owe him anything at all, and that if he still loves Felix, it’s only his problem and no one else’s. Still, it would be a lie to say that Changbin doesn’t feel any jealous of the guy standing next to Felix — after all, he gets to make Felix happy, regardless of whether they’re just friends or something more than that, and Changbin isn’t even sure that he is allowed to so much as stand close to Felix.

“That’s his plus-one,” Minho notices quietly, but his voice still startles Changbin, who was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t even realize that the line was actually moving. “Don’t look at them like this, you’ll burn a hole in that poor guy.”

“It’s just a little unexpected,” Changbin admits in all honesty. “I mean—”

“I know what you mean,” Minho hums, leading them to one of the round tables and taking a seat. “Changbin, you don’t have to explain yourself with me, I know that you only want the best for him, but of course you feel heartbroken seeing someone you still love after so long and believing that he moved on. I would, too.”

“And what would you do in this situation?” Changbin asks, glancing almost hopelessly at the bottle of wine that Minho opens casually.

He doesn’t want to drink today, at least not more than one glass to celebrate his friends’ marriage, because he’s still planning to drive back home after the party — anyone who wants to do so is welcome to stay in this house for the night, but Changbin doesn’t feel like sharing a room with someone tonight, especially considering that the newlyweds will most likely run away from their own wedding celebration after midnight.

Changbin doesn’t want to drink, and yet right now the idea of drinking his concerns away doesn’t sound too bad, though he still somehow manages to resist it.

“Well, if I were you, I would talk to him,” Minho shrugs when he shakes his head at the wine and puts his own glass back on the table too. “Listen, you don’t have to engage in a long conversation, just don’t run away if he walks up to us, and that will definitely give you some answers.”

“I don’t have any questions, Minho,” Changbin responds with a sigh, but it’s true. “Felix has the right to do anything he wants, but I won’t lie, it isn’t easy to see him again after all this time and realize how much of an idiot I am for still loving him. Damn, what’s wrong with me?”

“You can’t give orders to your heart,” Minho notes wisely and then waves at someone behind his back.

Changbin shivers, hoping that Minho isn’t going to make him confront Felix right away, because that sounds a lot like something Minho would do, but relaxes when Jeongin joins them at the table.

“We have around five minutes before taking pictures,” Jeongin shares, reaching for the glass Minho still hasn’t touched but also putting it back on the table. “We’ll be the first ones after the newlyweds themselves, so it’s better to not drink anything yet, or I won’t be happy with how red my face will look in those pictures.”

“Innie, you barely ever get drunk,” Minho laughs at this fondly. “No one can tell the difference between the completely sober Jeongin and his slightly tipsy version.”

“Well, watch me get totally wasted today,” Jeongin promises. “You have no idea how happy I am to only have one friend this close to me.”

Changbin and Minho both burst out laughing, but Changbin understands what he means by that: though he loves Hyunjin dearly, he would never agree to do something like this again. For a second, he catches himself wondering whether Hyunjin would want to be his best man if things went differently in the past, but almost has to slap himself to stop drifting back to the days long gone.

They spend a few more minutes just joking around, with Minho half-complaining about one of Hyunjin’s friends obviously trying to hit on him and half-dissing Jisung lovingly, and then the time finally comes for the photoshoot. To be fair, Changbin only anticipates it because he can’t wait to loosen his necktie and unbutton his jacket, because the weather is just too warm for him to be enjoying this kind of formal attire.

However, his anticipation disappears without a trace when they all gather together to take a group picture, and suddenly, Changbin doesn’t mind his necktie in the slightest and starts to think that he would prefer not joining this photoshoot at all. The reason for that is almost pathetically simple: he ends up being squeezed between Jeongin and Felix, who at first simply smiles at him and then dares to lay his head on Changbin’s shoulder.

Changbin forgets how to breathe at this moment, and he is sure that his smile will look extremely forced in those pictures, but he can’t help blinking dumbly, not knowing how he is supposed to react to this. Such gestures are perfectly normal for Felix, Changbin is almost sure that he didn’t even think twice before doing so, because Felix is a friendly bundle of sunshine rays to literally anyone he meets, he would probably do the same thing if he happened to stand next to Hyunjin’s father or Seungmin’s sister, and yet…

Felix’s ears turn red when he catches Changbin looking at him in pure confusion, but they still don’t get to even greet each other in words, only having this awkward chance to acknowledge each other’s presence, because right after the photoshoot Jisung announces that the time has come for partying and enjoying all the nice food, and so Changbin returns to the table that they previously occupied with Minho and Jeongin.

“Jisung looks so hot in that suit,” Minho muses and bursts out giggling when both Changbin and Jeongin roll their eyes at this comment. “I’m just stating facts! And that hair…”

Changbin turns around to glance at Jisung, who indeed looks stunning with his hair slicked back, but he doesn’t say anything, leaving it up to Jeongin to voice their thoughts.

“Jeez, I hope you two won’t ever decide to have a wedding like this,” and Jeongin, bless his soul, doesn’t disappoint.

However, Minho always has a few saccharine-sweet smiles and some borderline threatening words stashed exactly for those situations.

“Only if Hyunjin hosts it,” Minho murmurs. “But it’s too quiet, we’d surely do something on a bigger scale, a grand wedding everyone would know about.”

Changbin finds it oddly endearing how Minho always keeps joking about something grand, because they all know that if these two were to get married, their wedding would be two times more quiet than the wedding they’re currently at; Minho would never want Jisung to feel uncomfortable because of having many people all expecting him to be perfect on this day.

“Isn’t it time for your best man shit or something anyway?” Minho then quirks an eyebrow at them both, as though saying that they need to bring more life to the party that’s just started.

That’s a very Minho thing to do, but, honestly, Changbin can’t even argue with him this time, because, apparently, it really is time for them to give their speeches, and Changbin, being the gentleman he is, lets Jeongin go first — only because he’s younger, totally not because he himself is nervous as heck.

Changbin feels guilty for barely paying attention to Jeongin’s speech, but he’s too busy hurriedly reading through his own — unlike Hyunjin and Seungmin, he couldn’t memorize the entirety of it, so he’s still going to rely on the paper at least a few times.

Once Jisung gets a nod from him after Jeongin, red as a tomato from all the attention, sits down again, Changbin’s speech is announced and though the first few moments of it feel awkward and difficult, he’s surprised at how easy it then is to keep all his focus on the pair, ignoring the nervousness and the urge to glance at where Felix sits with his plus-one.

“I believe I was the first person Hyunjin went to after he met Seungmin,” Changbin starts after clearing his throat. “When he told me that he met the love of his life, I was a little skeptical about it at first, but only because I didn’t know Seungmin myself yet and was afraid that Hyunjin’s heart would get broken a few weeks later. Hyunjin’s always been… a very tender person, a true romantic at heart, and as you all know he’s also very expressive, so I just couldn’t not be worried at first. But Seungmin, oh, Seungmin… I sometimes wonder whether Seungmin has infinite patience when it comes to him, because I know that Hyun can really be a handful to deal with, but I’ve never seen or heard that Seungmin was actually mad at him. A lot of different things happened throughout the years that I’ve known this pair, some good and some bad, but through it all, they remained an incredible example of true love that can withstand just about anything. They both gave their hearts to the right person, and on this day I carry the honor of being Hyunjin’s best man at their wedding. It’s still a little hard to believe, because it feels like just yesterday Hyunjin was drooling all over my pillow over meeting the cutest guy he’s ever seen and panicking for hours before their first date, and now look at him — all grown up, a true man! As much as I would like to continue making jokes and spilling more tea on these newlyweds who are so in love with each other… I’m really happy for you two, and, though you already know it, I want to remind you once again that you can always count on me in every situation — I may complain and grumble, but I will be there for you whenever you need me. I hope that this marriage will only strengthen the connection that you have, because that’s easily the most precious thing I’ve ever got to witness in my life. My congratulations, and, of course, cheers!”

Changbin raises a glass of apple juice that slightly resembles white wine from afar, because he still sticks to his decision to spend the night at home rather than in this rented house with a bunch of people he barely knows, and everyone joins him. He smiles back at the couple, not surprised at all to see that Seungmin gently rubs the back of Hyunjin’s hand with his thumb to make sure he doesn’t break into tears because of Changbin’s speech, which wasn’t even that impressive and emotional if you ask him.

“Not bad,” Jeongin whispers, nodding in approval as he sips his champagne when Changbin takes a seat again.

“I wouldn’t be opposed if you spilled some tea that I’m not aware of,” Minho murmurs with a mischievous grin on his face, but Changbin shushes him with a glare once Jisung takes the mic again.

“Thank you for your lovely speech, Changbin,” Jisung smiles, urging everyone to give him another round of applause. “Now, why don’t we let our newlyweds waltz into the new chapter of their life in the most literal way? Ohh, mister Hwang tries to correct me by mouthing that they’re not going to waltz, but that’s just a figure of speech, my dear mister Hwang! A question for all the guests: can you guess who is now threatening to eat my soul for dinner with just one eloquent look? You’re right! This doesn’t matter at all now, so, everyone, please welcome Hyunjin and Seungmin, the Hwang family, on the dancefloor!”

Changbin laughs at the joke as he joins the other guests in clapping for Hyunjin and Seungmin, who open the actual party by having their first dance as a married couple; the song they chose for that perfectly resonates with both their wedding vows, and the way Hyunjin holds him so tenderly while Seungmin shines brighter than a lightbulb almost makes Changbin coo. He doesn’t, because that would mean getting teased by Minho and Jeongin for the next five years, but he still can’t tear his gaze away from Hyunjin and Seungmin.

The song ends with the same words that Hyunjin said in the beginning of his vow and he once again mouths “you are my universe” to his now husband, then pulling him in and leaving a kiss on Seungmin’s forehead, grinning from ear to hear as the guests start to applaud for them again.

“I think it’s now our turn to steal those lovebirds from one another,” Jeongin reminds quietly, pulling Changbin back into reality.

He only now remembers that, yes, Hyunjin and Seungmin made both Changbin and Jeongin promise to dance with one of them after the first dance, when all the guests will start joining them on the dancefloor. It was perhaps the hardest promise to give for Changbin as well as for Jeongin, because neither of them is that fond of dancing; for a moment Changbin even believed that his friends simply wanted to make fun of him, but eventually he had to give up.

“Seungmin?” he calls, almost groaning at the mischief that Seungmin’s eyes immediately light up with. “Can I have this dance?”

“Oh no, my best friend is stealing my husband,” Hyunjin fake-complains, but Seungmin still leans in to shush him with a kiss before standing up and following Changbin to the dancefloor.

“You make Hyunjin so happy,” Changbin says quietly once they start dancing. “Thank you so much for always being willing to talk to him even when he’s being stubborn. I know I don’t say this often— or, well, I don’t think I’ve ever said this to you, but I’m just really grateful that you have each other.”

Seungmin grins at him, and Changbin suddenly forgets about all his worries that followed him for days whenever he thought about the need to embarrass himself on the dancefloor in front of all his friends and other guests.

“Thank you,” Seungmin whispers and then clutches onto Changbin’s shoulders a little tighter. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Felix… And, well, about his plus-one too, but they—”

“You didn’t have to,” Changbin cuts him off softly. “I’m actually glad to see that Felix is so happy right now, and I… I’ll be fine.”

“Felix asked me to… not say anything,” Seungmin leans closer to whisper that in his ear.

“Huh?” now Changbin finds himself dumbfounded. “Guess he had his reasons.”

He tries to sound nonchalant, grateful that Seungmin is currently under the impression of this big day and can’t read his emotions as deeply as he usually can, but it’s still clear that Seungmin doesn’t really believe his tone.

Like a good friend he is, however, Seungmin drops the subject after this little confession, and the rest of their dance is mostly silent, with Changbin occasionally complimenting his dancing — he knows that Seungmin still sometimes feels insecure about his skills.

Changbin believes that there is nothing wrong with not being the world’s best dancer, especially if there are other things that you’re good at — and oh is Seungmin good at many other things, but since in addition to being into painting his husband chose dancing as his biggest interest, Seungmin also decided to learn at least a few dances.

They never told Seungmin about the obvious fact that Hyunjin would’ve had heart eyes for him even if he was as flexible as a log, because Seungmin seemed to be enjoying the process and Hyunjin was beyond delighted to teach him the steps.

“Changbin?” Seungmin says quietly when the song changes to something more upbeat, glancing at Hyunjin, who’s also just finished his dance with Jeongin.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for always being with us throughout the years.”

“Of course,” Changbin smiles with a nod.

He doesn’t want to stay on the dancefloor any longer, at least not when Hyunjin’s friends from his dance team are now taking over it, happy that it’s time for something more energetic than slow love songs. However, when he turns around and thinks of going back to their table, almost starving at this point, he spots Felix and his plus-one chatting lively with Minho and Jeongin and instead makes a beeline to where Jisung as the wedding host spends most of his time today.

While Jisung gets a short break, Changbin decides to hang out with him — he knows that Jisung won’t be against that at all, glad to talk to a friend and not get another question from someone he doesn’t even know well, and that way he won’t have to face Felix.

Changbin isn’t sure why he keeps avoiding the inevitable, especially now when he learned that Felix specifically asked Seungmin to not tell Changbin anything about their plans to, as Changbin assumes, see his genuine reaction to this; maybe if he did drink that wine when Minho offered it, he would feel braver now, but Changbin didn’t, and so he chooses avoidance again.

As he expected, Jisung beams at him, quickly stuffing his cheeks with his favorite type of cheesecake and swallowing the food almost sooner than he gets to chew it — Changbin feels a little sorry for him because of that, hoping that Jisung doesn’t actually regret agreeing to host the wedding.

He knows that Jisung tried to insist that he didn’t want any other payment than a few free dinners, but Hyunjin and Seungmin still made him accept the fact that he was going to be paid like any other host would be in that situation, so Changbin hopes that this makes up for such a hectic day full of interacting with strangers.

Jisung is naturally a life of any party, he always knows how to brighten up the mood, when to joke and when to be serious and even a little sentimental, so he perfectly fits the image of a charming host, but that’s not actually what he does for a living. It’s not his first time to host an event, though certainly his first wedding to host, but Changbin really admires him for going out of his comfort zone for this.

“I hope the party isn’t too boring?” Jisung asks him once the next song starts playing. “We have two more songs planned for dancing, then some games — don’t worry, they’re not these typical newlyweds games, they’re for everyone and they’re fun, and then—”

Changbin hasn’t seen the script that Jisung wrote, but he knows that if he got the approval from Hyunjin and Seungmin as well as encouragement from Minho, and he did, then nothing else matters. At least, he’s certainly not in the position to make any judgment, because he’s very biased: he trusts Jisung and always finds his jokes funny, and Jisung’s planning skills as well as his taste in games are simply outstanding.

“I love your parties, Ji,” Changbin assures him with a pat on the shoulder.

Jisung visibly relaxes at those words and even lets himself joke about how he was rehearsing the script to make sure that everything was on time and carried the same vibe and they ended up dancing to half of the songs on the playlist instead of skipping them with Minho.

“So, in a way, you already had your own wedding,” Changbin teases. “Do you mind if I stick around until those games?”

“Honestly?” Jisung laughs at his words, taking another bite of the cheesecake. “I don’t think I ever want to get married after going through this once, and, damn, I’m not even the one getting married today! And sure, I could use some company!”

“Minho said that you’re going to make Hyunjin host your super grand wedding,” Changbin then drops casually, enjoying the way Jisung’s eyes widen at this statement.

Jisung then starts looking around, obviously searching for Minho in the crowd, and grins when he spots his boyfriend having fun on the dancefloor. Changbin dares to follow his gaze too, but regrets this as soon as he notices Felix enjoying himself and giving his everything to the song that is currently playing. It’s not just the two of them, Changbin also sees Hyunjin’s friends — Wooyoung and San — dancing along with them, but somehow, Changbin’s gaze is almost glued to Felix at this point.

Though Felix was a vet student when they first met, he’s always been passionate about dancing too, and Changbin almost felt jealous because of how fast they clicked with Hyunjin, sharing the same interests and both being very expressive. With time, Felix started to dance less and less, swamped with studying and other responsibilities, but dancing, as Changbin sees right now, still remains his favorite way to unwind and forget about the things on his mind.

“After the games,” Jisung begins carefully, as though afraid of startling him. “I’ll play that DAY6 video Hyunjin got for Seungmin. It’s pretty emotional, so you could—”

“You and Minho are definitely the same breed,” Changbin responds with a sigh. “Do you guys share one braincell or something?”

Jisung just snickers instead of saying anything, but Changbin knows that they both mean well, and he truly appreciates the support and the fact that they don’t think of him as some crazy creep who still can’t get over his ex. The problem, however, is that Changbin isn’t sure whether he wants to hear Felix’s opinion on this, because he’s only just started his serious attempts to move on, those on an emotional level rather than physical.

It took him so long to start accepting the thought that Felix must remain a part of his past life that right now this silly newborn hope that Felix may still have feelings for him too hurts more than the scenarios where he imagined Felix hating him.

Changbin has no idea what to do with himself when Jisung returns to the script and starts to get ready to host the games, so he steals Jisung’s last piece of cheesecake and waves at him, then deciding to actually go back to his table regardless of whether he’s going to see Felix there or not.

However, as soon as he walks away from Jisung’s spot, he almost bumps into the guy that keeps Felix company at the wedding today, and the urge to just disappear from the Earth’s surface is suddenly so strong that Changbin only doesn’t pretend to not have noticed the guy because he gets stopped by a very polite “Can I have you for a few words?”.

Sighing, Changbin nods, albeit reluctant, and gets the chance to take a better look at this guy for the first time today: regardless of his personality (though Changbin doesn’t doubt that Felix only chooses to surround himself with good people, he’s only sulky because he is slightly jealous), the guy definitely has the looks of a damn Apollo and, in addition to that, very defined muscles.

So, yeah, to put it shortly: whether this guy is Felix’s boyfriend or not, he certainly is Felix’s type, that much Changbin knows, and he doesn’t quite understand what he should do with this information.

“I’m sorry if I come across as too straightforward with this, but I know that you and Felix… had something in the past. He was really nervous today as well as before the wedding, and I noticed that you were stealing glances at him now and then too, but he’s— well, Felix is a bit worried about your reaction if he tries to initiate a conversation, but he still cares about you, and I would really appreciate it if you two could talk today. I feel like this is something that you both want, and while I feel bad for getting into something that’s not my business, I just can’t stand knowing that Felix lets his fears control him. He’s like a little brother to me—”

“Wait a moment,” Changbin interrupts him. “How do you know all that about us? And, I mean, I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t even know your name.”

“Ah, my bad,” the guy laughs awkwardly. “I’m Chris. Or Chan, whichever you like better, they’re both my names. Don’t worry, I don’t know any details, but since Felix told Seungmin and Hyunjin to not update him on your life, he started to occasionally talk about you with me. It wasn’t hard to find you today, because you’re the only person at this wedding that Lixie has incurable heart eyes for.”

The way Chan talks about Felix, calling him Lixie so softly, really sounds as though Chan simply treats him like a younger brother, and Changbin wants to slap himself for still giving in to his brain’s need to assume things.

He feels very dumb for it, because, apparently, losing Felix in the past still wasn’t enough to teach him about the importance of direct communication. Changbin knows that he couldn’t do anything about his heart, knows that he hasn’t even done anything to blame himself for, and yet he can’t help wondering whether he even deserves this chance to talk to Felix now.

He hears Jisung’s voice inviting everyone to join the fun games where anyone can win a nice prize and then turns his attention back to Chan, nodding towards the house where they can have a peaceful conversation without being interrupted or dragged into playing. They look at each other for a second, and somehow, that is enough for them to come to a wordless understanding: to avoid being noticed by Felix or anyone else, they mingle with the guests and then meet in the spacious living room.

“Felix isn’t playing,” Chan notes, glancing out of the window.

“I know,” Changbin responds sooner than he can control himself. “He’s not really competitive.”

“Listen, Changbin…” Chan turns to look at him, arms crossed on his chest. “You can tell me to fuck off, and I will understand that, but please, think about what I said.”

“Can I ask you something?”

Chan looks surprised, but nods nonetheless, smiling when Changbin doesn’t tell him to fuck off — while he doesn’t particularly like Chan’s blunt methods, he surely doesn’t mind that, because, firstly, Chan knows Felix well and therefore knows what he’s talking about, and, secondly, well, it simply works.

“How do you think, is Felix happy right now?” is Changbin’s direct question.

“Hmm…” Chan takes a few seconds to think about it. “I’m not him, but I believe that his happiness is enough to help him move on for real even if you tell him that you don’t want to have anything to do with him. However, I feel like if you somehow manage to work things out, you can double that happiness.”

“So you’re saying that it’s worth trying?” Changbin squints.

While he selfishly wants to mend their relationship and have Felix back in his life, in his arms, giggling at him every morning and giving him sleepy kisses every night, he wouldn’t dare to do anything that can potentially hurt Felix — they’ve already been through it once and Changbin never wants to repeat that again.

“Absolutely,” Chan nods with all seriousness. “Just—”

“Oh, what are you two doing here?” Jeongin all but jumps into the room, startling them both and tilting his head with a curious expression on his face. “You’re missing out on all the fun! Or, well, you already did, because it’s the last game for now.”

Changbin exchanges a look with Chan, who nods at him again, as though saying that this is his chance that he shouldn’t waste; before leaving the house, however, Changbin also notices the way Jeongin looks at Chan with that same curiosity and a mix of something between mischief and interest, and decides to also try being a matchmaker for once — he finds it funny how Chan blushes, the tips of his ears instantly turning red, when Changbin points at Jeongin behind his back and mouths a teasing “He’s very cute, but you should be careful”.

They start a quiet conversation about something, both unaware of the surprise gift for Seungmin that will be played in a few minutes, and, feeling like he accomplished some very important mission, Changbin walks out in the garden again, eyes immediately searching for the main characters of this day.

He notices that they’re both very invested in a little fishing game and wonders whether Jisung informed Hyunjin about the time when he’d play the video beforehand or if it’s going to be an unexpected thing for Hyunjin too. For some reason, the latter option sounds a lot like something Jisung would do, so Changbin finds himself very excited to see their reaction to it.

Changbin feels his heart clench when he dares to look at Felix, who still sits alone at the table, sipping some kind of a blue cocktail — most likely alcohol free, because Felix rarely lets himself get drunk, since he usually starts doing things that he later feels very embarrassed for on the next morning.

Felix doesn’t look sad: on the contrary, he’s watching the guests with an amused smile, clearly enjoying looking at them play from the side more than he would if he actually took part in those games. If anything, Felix really does look happy today, just like Changbin noticed upon first seeing him walk Seungmin down the aisle and like Chan stated a few minutes earlier, and yet Changbin still feels slightly unsure whether he should walk up to Felix and potentially ruin his little bubble of peace.

Overthinking the simplest, most obvious things has always been one of Changbin’s biggest problems: though he managed to learn how to take control of it over time, on certain occasions it’s still hard for him to do something before coming up with fifteen different scenarios that may play out depending on what he does.

Jisung’s unspoken but very eloquently expressed idea to ask Felix for a dance during the surprise song sounds amazing: Felix also likes DAY6’s songs, and since most of the guests will probably be enjoying the video and Seungmin’s reaction to it rather than dancing, they’ll get a few relatively private moments — if only Felix says yes to that, of course.

But what if—

Changbin’s thinking process gets interrupted by a loud DAY6’s greeting that startles him even though he was anticipating it thanks to Jisung’s warning. He instantly turns around and can’t hold back a grin that spreads on his face when Seungmin, surprised, looks between Hyunjin and the screen installed in the garden to show some video messages and this with wide eyes, clearly in disbelief.

Seungmin’s jaw drops when the members of his favorite band congratulate them on such a big step in their life and then announce that the song they’re going to play is dedicated to him.

Then, they start to play Seungmin’s favorite song and Changbin only now realizes just how much it fits for the wedding: the lyrics of that song, Beautiful Feeling, perfectly express everything that Hyunjin couldn’t say in words today.

As soon as he hears the first few seconds, Changbin doesn’t even notice how his feet walk towards where Felix is still sat alone: he moves as though on autopilot until suddenly there’s nowhere else to go, no way out now that Felix looks up at him, slight confusion mixed with something akin to hope. Felix then smiles at him, and Changbin doesn’t even have to ask, because Felix understands him without any words, but he still does, trying to make things right this time, whatever those things will be.

When Changbin takes Felix’s small hand in his and carefully leads him to the corner of the dancefloor where no one will pay attention to them, his heart starts to beat almost abnormally fast, because this moment simply doesn’t feel real. Felix beams at him when Changbin dares to place his hands on his waist and wraps his arms around Changbin’s neck too, a dreamy smile shining on his face as he nods along to the music once they start dancing.

Changbin almost forgets what it’s like to breathe when he sees Felix’s eyes so close to his after such a long while, and he quickly averts his gaze when Felix looks up at him, still feeling unsure of whether he’s even allowed to look into those eyes ever again after unintentionally hurting this beautiful soul so many times with his past actions that he couldn’t control.

Holding Felix like this feels so right, and they dance so close that Changbin can probably try counting all the freckles on his face to see if there are any new ones that appeared there over the year that they haven’t seen each other. Changbin feels scared of opening his mouth and saying something, afraid of ruining this happy moment that feels like an illusion that will be shattered as soon as the song ends, so he simply savors these minutes that feel as though they were stolen from a broken hourglass.

Felix doesn’t say anything either, he just lets Changbin lead the dance, but Changbin can read so many emotions in the smile that doesn’t leave his face throughout the song that he almost starts to feel overwhelmed by those.

He knows all kinds of Felix’s smiles, has them memorized after the years they spent together: if someone asked him, he’d easily explain the difference between Felix’s happy, polite, sleepy, forced, sad, genuine, mischievous, excited, close-to-tears and many other smiles.

The smile Felix has on his face right now, however, is nothing like he’s seen before, because it is filled with so many different emotions that it even amazes Changbin for a split second. It’s happy, but also resembles the close-to-tears one, and at the same time there’s also hope mixed in together with sadness, there’s something akin to longing, there’s love and there’s worry, there’s adoration, tenderness and a splash of sunshine, but Changbin still fails to make out the prevalent thing, because he feels that something is missing in all those emotions he managed to pick up.

Their eyes meet by the end of the song, right at the phrase “some people say love, but I believe there’s something more than that: if you know what it is, tell me, if there’s no such thing, name it”, and Felix’s eyes speak more than a million words at that moment, all of them finding reflection in Changbin’s eyes, too, flashing before them both as they exchange another careful, hopeful smile.

There’s a myriad of stars hidden safely in Felix’s eyes, with some splashed all over his face in the form of freckles, and when Felix blinks, one of those stars, a little transparent crystal, slips from his lashes and falls down on his cheek.

Changbin’s always found starfalls fascinating, but right now his first instinct is to wipe that tear away with his thumb, only seconds later realizing what he’s just done. He mouths a quick “sorry”, feeling embarrassed out of nowhere that his old habits took control of him sooner than he even processed that, but Felix just shakes his head stubbornly, still smiling, as more tears spill out, crashing against the shore that is found in his cheeks.

The song ends so soon and so unexpectedly that Changbin once again feels fear wash over him, because he isn’t ready for what’s to come now that this dance is over, not sure what to do with himself. Felix surprises him, almost takes him off guard when he buries his face in Changbin’s chest, hugging him so tightly and so desperately that Changbin has no other choice but to give in to the urge, the need to hug him back.

They stay like that for what feels like a few minutes, with Changbin holding him close, rubbing his back in a way that, he knows, always helps Felix calm down, while he sniffles quietly, hot tears falling onto the fabric of Changbin’s shirt.

Another emotional DAY6 song comes up, certainly an evil addition to the already overwhelming atmosphere from Han Jisung, but neither of them pays attention to that, they just hold each other until Felix takes a deep breath and pulls away, with his hands, however, still clutching onto Changbin’s jacket.

“I— Hi,” Felix mutters, wiping off the last few tears on his face.

“Hello,” Changbin responds with a grin, because he just knows that Felix is quoting the song that is currently playing.

“I’m sorry I—” Felix stutters for a second. “I didn’t mean to ruin your shirt like this, and, um— the mood too, but I just…”

“I missed you.”

Changbin whispers those words before he gets to stop himself, but he simply can’t keep looking at Felix as though nothing happened between them anymore, can’t ignore the way Felix cried on his chest just now. If there was something in Felix’s smile that Changbin did make out, it’s knowing that he is still allowed to say such things, regardless of what’s going to become of them by the end of this event.

Felix doesn’t hate him, hasn’t forgotten him, and Changbin is absolutely unable to keep hiding how much he missed him — he did a decent job in banning himself from thinking about this over the year that’s passed, but now that he has Felix in his arms again, all the barriers crash without any chances to be rebuilt again.

Whatever they are, whatever they can be, Changbin knows one thing: he doesn’t want to lose Felix ever again, finds himself ready to do just about anything to ensure that his life will always be filled with those sunshine smiles and happy giggles.

“Can we talk?” Changbin asks, feeling brave enough to look in Felix’s eyes again.

“Can we..?” Felix mirrors his question, taking a step back, all serious again.

Changbin nods and his heart skips a beat when Felix’s warm hand slides into his, with Felix tilting his head slightly, as though asking whether Changbin wants the same thing as he does. Changbin does, oh, how much he wants that, so he is immensely grateful for this gesture from Felix’s side, something he expresses both in words and by gently squeezing Felix’s hand in his as he leads them out of the garden.

The idea that came to his mind just now is a little crazy, but he hopes that if someone notices that both of them aren’t in the garden or in the house anymore, they will not question this need for some privacy. Changbin knows that Hyunjin and Seungmin are currently too busy with each other to notice them disappear suddenly, so he points towards the lake, silently suggesting that they take a walk along the shore, away from other guests potentially overhearing them.

Felix agrees to that with an eager nod, another smile lighting up his face, because Felix’s always preferred heartfelt conversations that happened in close proximity to water than those in closed space — Changbin knows that being next to water calms him down, makes serious conversations more bearable for his emotional self.

He tries not to think about how he avoided visiting the river where Felix took him to talk about his decision to part ways for more than four months until he finally let go of that and started to enjoy being close to water again as well.

They turn around at the same time upon hearing someone giggle in the distance, and it takes Changbin a few seconds to realize that this giggle belongs to no other than Seungmin, whose silhouette along with Hyunjin’s they can still make out even in the already dying sunlight.

“Are they running away from their own wedding?” Felix asks with a quiet laugh.

“They still have their cake to finish, so I don’t think they’re running away just yet,” Changbin corrects him, smiling fondly too. “But that sounds like something they would definitely do, I bet they can’t wait to get their hands on each other in the privacy of their own home.”

“Could’ve waited two more days until their honeymoon,” Felix rolls his eyes, making Changbin snort with that comment. “What? I’ve come all the way from Australia just to see those idiots and this is how they repay me for that!”

Changbin knows that Felix doesn’t mean that seriously, so he just laughs along and says that there’s nothing they can do other than accept the fact that for Seungmin and Hyunjin their relationship is always going to be a little bit more important than everything else.

He can’t really blame them for this, though, because they still remain amazing friends and supporters and not some couple where partners are totally obsessed with each other and can’t see anything outside of their love bubble.

They leave the newlyweds in their much-deserved quiet moment just between the two of them and start slowly walking in the opposite direction, both just taking in the astonishing view of the nature around them in the last sun rays at first rather than talking.

Felix’s fingers twitch in Changbin’s hold occasionally, a sign showing that he’s nervous and probably doesn’t know what to say, but he doesn’t take his hand away, only clutching onto Changbin tighter when he makes a move to let go.

Eventually, after some more quiet minutes, Changbin decides that it is only right for him to take the responsibility in his hands and start the important conversation: as intimate and comforting silently holding Felix’s hand feels, Changbin hates uncertainty, hates having no idea what’s on Felix’s mind right now.

“I gave up the fights,” he shares, almost taken aback by Felix’s reaction to that.

“You really did that?!” Felix asks, looking at him with wide eyes. “So… you feel better now, right? Please tell me that you stopped hurting yourself because you feel better, not because of me…”

“After you left, it took me a few more months to actually understand myself, but then I went through therapy again, and this time I was fortunate to find someone who actually helped me,” Changbin confirms. “It was hard at first, but now I almost never get triggered by those memories and other things, and when I do, I paint or make sketches for potential tattoo designs. Hyunjin kind of got me into painting, so I found more peaceful ways to let go of those emotions that used to ruin me from the inside.”

Felix’s shoulders, previously slightly tensed, relax at those words, and in a second Changbin finds himself with a handful of clingy Felix giving him a bone-crushing hug. This is the most Felix way to express his happiness, because, Changbin believes, if it was possible, Felix would always communicate through touch rather than words — to him, words are often scary, especially when it comes to serious talks.

Still, when they were dating, they both made that effort to prioritize verbal communication over anything else, and, though at that moment it simply wasn’t meant to work, Changbin hopes that maybe they can make it work now.

“How have you been doing?” Changbin understands that this question is stupid, but he genuinely wants to know that Felix found peace too. “You know, even with our friends not telling me anything about your life, I still couldn’t really get you out of my mind. I hoped that not hearing about you would make a difference, but I never stopped thinking about you.”

He can almost feel Felix grin in his neck rather than see it, and it makes his heart flutter, but he still gently untangles Felix’s hands from his body — he would love to hug for another eternity, really, but he needs to make sure that they don’t end up repeating the mistakes of the past, that they don’t just assume things about each other.

Changbin wants to right all the wrongs that they had before, and in order to do that, they must be on the same page, which means the need to communicate through words — as hard as it is when seeing each other for the first time after so long.

“I’ve actually mostly been tutoring,” Felix admits then, surprising Changbin with that. “Yeah, I was planning to move back here eventually, so I didn’t want to start an actual job. I mean, I didn’t study all this time here for nothing, so I’ll make use of my degree here—”

“So you’re coming back here?” Changbin knows that his voice sounds pathetically hopeful, but he couldn’t care less right now.

“Mhm,” Felix beams at him. “I can’t run away from myself forever, even if I really felt happy at home. It’s just… no matter what I did, I knew that my heart belonged here, that I left something very important to me here.”

Those words make Changbin slow down and then stop, glancing back at the garden they left quite far behind, and then he takes a deep breath, braces himself for the hardest yet most important confession. Changbin doesn’t quite know how to properly word all the things that are roaring inside of him, but he hopes that the shape he gives to those feelings will still be at least somewhat coherent for Felix.

“Lixie,” he tries carefully, reaching his hand out, offering it for Felix to take again if he wants and smiling in relief when he does. “I can’t be sure whether you feel the same, but I still love you with all my heart. Time without you… it’s been crazy hard. It taught me something I wouldn’t have learned otherwise, but I promise that I got this lesson, I won’t stumble over it again. Can we—”

“Kiss me,” Felix all but demands, interrupting his words. “Please, I just— I love you too. I want to…”

Felix’s impulsive requests aren’t in any way new for Changbin: back in the day, he could randomly wake Changbin up in the middle of the night and ask to keep him company while he baked cookies at three o’clock or drag him outside in the ugliest weather despite having whined about not wanting to ever leave the bed five minutes prior to that.

It’s not surprising at all, but Changbin still hesitates for a second, processing this, because it simply doesn’t feel real: despite the hope he had burning deep inside, he couldn’t possibly imagine this happening even a few hours ago, when Felix was walking Seungmin down the aisle and Changbin just stood there, almost bewitched.

Just this morning Changbin still had that hole on his heart that never closed, and now Felix, the kindest, purest and most tender soul ever, is offering him something more than a band aid — Felix hands him the missing part of his heart.

Felix looks at him with shiny eyes, and Changbin notices that there are tears forming there again, so he doesn’t waste any more time making Felix wait and takes a step closer, letting go of Felix’s hand only to pull him in by the waist, shivering from head to toe when Felix places both hands on his face, cupping his cheeks for a moment and giggling at what he sees. It makes Changbin grin, and when he looks in Felix’s eyes again, he swears that he can see a real starfall in them, but then Felix whispers another “kiss me”, and Changbin dives right into it.

It’s just a simple touch of their lips at first, but it is already enough to make Felix let out a barely audible sigh of relief, while Changbin starts to feel dizzy just from that alone — he never forgot the taste of Felix’s lips, it’s familiar, it’s the same honey-flavored lip balm Felix uses and a mix of sunshine and home, and yet at the same time it’s a completely new, mind-blowing feeling.

Changbin isn’t a writer himself, and he isn’t sure whether it even makes sense, but kissing Felix feels like touching the night sky full of stars would. The sky is cold and the stars are indifferent, but Changbin always finds himself amazed and comforted by the beauty of it, feels understood and less insignificant when he gets a chance to go stargazing, so for him the night sky is as close, dear and home-like as holding Felix in his arms is.

“More,” Felix whines when Changbin tries to pull away. “Just one more.”

Felix lives through touches, expresses himself best like this, and this tender, languid kiss they exchange, as well as the way Felix’s hands now clutch onto his shoulders tightly, tells Changbin a very emotional story that Felix will later try to share in words, too.

It’s a story about longing and fear, about love and heartbreak, a story about missing Changbin but trying to get over him yet always coming back to him in his thoughts, a story about the worry and the pain that Felix had to experience and the decision to give them another try if Changbin would want this as well.

“I don’t want to let go of you again, ever,” Changbin whispers in his lips, pressing his head against Felix’s shoulder then. “I love you so much, Lixie, damn— when Seungmin told me that you’d come to the wedding, I was so nervous, because I was afraid to see that you moved on. I would totally understand and support it if you did, because I love you, and that means being happy for you regardless of what you choose, but I… my heart broke when I saw you with Chan. It wasn’t real jealousy, but in a way… In a way, it was, because I was so jealous of him for getting to make you laugh like this, to make you happy. I didn’t care whether you were friends or something more than that, I just wished that I had this chance again too.”

“Chan only agreed to come with me because he knew that I needed him as moral support,” Felix admits, sighing. “I actually feel bad for leaving him alone with everyone, because he only met them all today and doesn’t have any friends at that wedding. I just… knew that if I tried to hang out with Jeongin or Minho, that would still link me to you in one way or another, and I, well, also had the same fear. This could easily happen, right? People often fall out of love even when they’re together, and we were apart for so long, not even knowing about how the other was doing…”

“I don’t know whether it’s a good thing or not, but I have this feeling that I’ll never be able to stop loving you, Lix.”

Changbin feels happy for the millionth time today, but this time the happiness he experiences is one for himself, not for others, and this feeling fills him up to the brim, making him grin uncontrollably and want to tell the whole world that his personal sunshine, the center of his little galaxy is back in his life, back in his arms.

He knows that he won’t tell a single soul about it unless Felix states that he wants it too, but this feeling is simply overwhelming in the best way possible, so he can’t stop himself from kissing Felix again, though this time it’s just a light peck on the tip of his nose.

“I know that there’s a lot more for us to talk about, but…” Felix stutters for a second. “They’re not even there themselves, but it kind of feels like we’re sabotaging Hyunjin and Seungmin’s wedding by disappearing like this.”

“I’m sure that they would understand even if they noticed it,” Changbin chuckles. “But we can go back to the party and keep this conversation for later, if you want. Though if you’re worried about Chan, he found his source of gossips and dirt on everyone in that garden in Jeongin, so I’m sure he doesn’t feel like you betrayed him at all. I mean, he wanted us to finally talk instead of avoiding each other, so would he really want you to spend the rest of the night with him?”

“That’s fair,” Felix nods, smiling as he intertwines their fingers, making Changbin’s heart flutter again. “They’re probably discussing how grossly in love the newlyweds are over some cocktail, and I bet they didn’t leave Minho out of that too.”

“Jeongin promised to get wasted tonight, and though I doubt that he actually will, he sure did drink some alcohol today, so I don’t think he can drive anyone home — and, well, he used Hyunjin’s car, so—”

“If Chan demonstrated even a second of interest for Jeongin, then trust me, that guy is never getting wasted,” Felix laughs. “He never let me drink my worries away. I’m actually staying at Chan’s place right now, so we could just stay over for the night, or…”

Felix trails off, as though unsure of whether he can voice his thoughts, but Changbin makes an assumption and decides to offer his help — he barely touched anything at this wedding, let alone alcohol, and, unlike Jeongin, he has his own car tonight.

“Or I could give you a lift?” Changbin suggests carefully, suddenly feeling nervous again when Felix’s smile falls. “Sorry, I just thought—”

“Can I… Can I stay at yours tonight?” Felix asks, voice barely a whisper, looking anywhere but at him.

Changbin almost groans just at the prospect of that, because the thought of getting to share his apartment with Felix again sends goosebumps all over his body — he only has one bed and Felix is very well aware of that since they used to live together, and he can bet money that Felix didn’t bring any clothes other than this suit to the wedding, which means that Changbin will have to give him some of his own clothes.

They’re about the same height, with Changbin missing a few centimeters, but Felix is much smaller compared to how buff and wide Changbin’s body is and Felix’s always loved that difference, constantly sneaking his shirts out of the closet and driving him crazy with this view almost every morning.

What barely fits Changbin, who isn’t a fan of oversized clothes, is always loose and very revealing on Felix, and, honestly, he isn’t sure that he’s going to survive that tonight. He imagines waking up tomorrow and seeing Felix in that red flannel that Changbin himself barely wears and just this very image is enough to make him suffer.

Still, he finds himself unable to say no, because there’s nothing in this world that he wants more than to have Felix by his side like this too.

“Of course,” he smiles, squeezing Felix’s hand lightly to reassure him. “You’re always welcome there.”

“Also, I have changed my mind, can we not go back to the party?” Felix scrunches his nose cutely, and Changbin once again finds himself completely sold for that guy. “I’ll just send Chan a text so that he doesn’t worry about me and probably text Seungmin too…”

“I doubt he’ll even read that message, but you could try,” Changbin jokes. “Okay, let’s go then?”

They quickly make their way back to the wedding venue, laughing silently when they catch a glimpse of a very interesting scene currently happening there: Minho and San seem to be having a dancing challenge, but the song that is playing right now is a ballad, while they both lean towards more energetic dance moves.

Feeling lucky that all the attention is on those two, Changbin nods in the direction of where he parked his car earlier in the day and notices that the car belonging to Hyunjin and Seungmin is nowhere to be seen.

Changbin tells Felix that he was right when assuming that they’d disappear from their own wedding sooner than any of the guests would, but he knows that everyone is so immersed in the party feeling by now that they will probably be the only ones to notice that — only because they’re leaving too.

“Oh, you bought a car?” Felix asks excitedly and Changbin only now realizes that he hasn’t seen it yet.

“Yeah,” he hums, unlocking it and opening the door for Felix to take a seat. “I still stick to my bike more often, though, but today I had an important delivery to make and I doubt that Hyunjin would appreciate arriving at his wedding on a bike.”

He thinks back to all the late-night rides they had with Felix in the past and notices in Felix’s smile that he’s probably reminiscing about the same thing.

There was something magical and freeing about riding through the almost empty, quiet and dark streets with Felix sat behind him, hugging him by the waist and trusting Changbin with his life. He’s owned a bike for almost seven years now, and though he certainly isn’t that much of an expert, they made quite a few memories with Felix thanks to that bike.

“That’s a relief,” Felix murmurs as he puts on his seatbelt. “I almost got worried for a second that you sold it.”

“I’d never part with my bike,” Changbin promises and starts the car. “It’ll take us about half an hour, you can play some music if you want. Can you please also order takeout while I drive?”

“Nah, as much as I love music, I think there was too much of it today,” Felix yawns, reaching for his phone. “And sure! What would you like?”

“Anything works,” Changbin admits and hands Felix his wallet with the cards while they wait for the green light. “I was a bit too busy trying to avoid talking to you, so I only had some cheesecake stolen from Jisung and… was it salad? I don’t even remember, but Minho got me something.”

“Poor Binnie,” Felix teases him at first, but then looks at the wallet in confusion and goes quiet for a second. “Can I order some for myself too? Wow, okay, don’t give me that glare, I just didn’t want to be impudent and use your money— yeah, fine, I will shut up now.”

“You know you can order a whole restaurant menu with my money and I won’t say a word,” Changbin notes casually.

His eyes are focused on the road, so he misses the way Felix’s cheeks turn pink at that remark.

“Glad that you’re not using it against me, though,” he adds, though it would be stupid to deny that he would happily let Felix toy with him however he wants as long as it brings no harm to either of them.

While Felix busies himself with searching for something they both like, Changbin suddenly realizes that he probably should’ve asked if Felix still remembers his address instead of just assuming that he does.

Right when he opens his mouth to correct that little mistake of his, however, Felix returns his wallet, locks his phone and announces with a happy smile that the food will arrive in around forty-five minutes. That, along with a new message on his phone, tells Changbin that Felix not only remembers his address, where he lived for over two years as well, but also remembers the PIN for his card that he sometimes forgets.

Changbin chooses not to comment on that, instead asks what exactly Felix ordered and lets out a satisfied hum when Felix eagerly reports that he settled for two large pizzas, saying that one can never go wrong with pizza. They did once get food poisoning after ordering from a new place and avoided having pizza for almost half a year after that, but Changbin only smiles at this memory, hoping that this time things won’t take such a bad turn.

When he finally parks the car near the building where his apartment is, he wants nothing more than to get into the quiet and cozy home of his together with Felix and spend the rest of the night without any more socializing.

Changbin’s never been a big fan of parties, even as family-like and mostly quiet as the wedding was: he enjoyed himself, that’s for sure, but he wouldn’t be able to last any longer even if Hyunjin and Seungmin were still there too.

Even Felix, who loves such events way more than Changbin does, is constantly yawning by the time Changbin opens the door and lets him in first, and that says a lot — no matter how much Changbin loves his friends, things like weddings are simply too draining, both emotionally and physically, especially if you’re the groom’s best man.

Changbin lingers by the door for a few moments, unable to stop thinking about how much Felix reminds him of a cute little bird right now, but then shakes his head and all but jumps out of the jacket that’s been getting on his nerves for almost half of the day. He winces from the sudden pain in his back and shoulders, but only notices that he did so once he gets rid of the necktie and catches Felix staring at him with a mix of worry and mischief on his face.

“I know you’re hungry, but maybe after we have dinner I could— give you a massage?” Felix offers with such an innocent smile that it takes Changbin everything to not groan. “Come on, Binnie, you’re clearly tired and in pain, and I just want to help you.”

Though Changbin feels slightly embarrassed at how easily Felix reads him, it’s hard to deny that Felix’s massage skills are perhaps the best thing that Changbin has ever experienced in his whole entire life.

Sometimes, Changbin wonders whether Felix was born with this incredible skill, because it’s absolutely godsent, because every time Felix touched his back, neck or his chest, all the tension from his muscles simply evaporated and he felt as though he was a completely new person after every massage Felix gave him.

The only little problem with that right now is that not all those massages ended as innocently as Felix smiles at him, waiting for his response, and that has Changbin slightly nervous. Granted, he doesn’t necessarily have to take off his shirt for that, but Felix usually insists on him doing exactly that, and it’s been such a long while since Felix saw him like this—

Another shot of pain reminds Changbin that this isn’t really the time to be picky, so he nods, saying that he’ll be very grateful if Felix does that for him after this exhausting day.

“I feel gross, so I’ll quickly hop into the shower if you don’t mind being left alone,” Changbin then says, already grabbing a fresh set of clothes for himself. “If the food arrives sooner than I come back, feel free to start eating without me.”

“No problem,” Felix grins. “Can I get some of your clothes too? I don’t really feel like spending the rest of the evening in this suit.”

“Sure, go ahead and pick whatever you like,” Changbin shrugs, honestly surprised at how domestic it feels — as though the year they spent apart didn’t even exist.

He hears how Felix starts humming along to one of the songs that were played at the wedding as soon as he closes the bathroom door and can’t hold back another grin, catching himself thinking just how whipped he is for Felix — has always been.

Felix is a warm bundle of sunshine, and moving past the stage of awkwardness with him, even after not seeing each other for such a long period of time, is something to be expected, yet Changbin doesn’t want to take that for granted and once again promises himself to do everything in his power to make sure that neither of them regrets this decision in the future.

What he doesn’t quite expect, however, is to find Felix wearing nothing but the largest hoodie from his closet that swallows half of his body as well as his own underwear.

When he quirks an eyebrow at Felix, trying to dry his hair with the towel, Felix gives him a guilty smile and explains that Changbin’s shorts and sweats are too loose on him, and that makes Changbin facepalm because of himself.

Of course, Felix usually brought his own shorts before they moved in together, and after they did, they basically had Changbin’s closet, a few shelves for Felix’s pastel and bright shirts and sweaters and a place for Felix’s own pants.

“I’m— uh, sorry,” Changbin mumbles, looking away. “I donated everything you left here because I tried to get rid of all the physical reminders about us. Didn’t help that much, but at least I tried, you know…”

“Hey-hey-hey, it’s alright!” Felix jumps off the bed and walks over to him, taking the towel from his hands and starting to carefully dry Changbin’s hair himself now. “Unless it makes you uncomfortable, I mean, then I don’t mind, and if it does, I can just—”

“Lix,” Changbin can only sigh at the way Felix starts rambling. “We lived together and slept in the same bed for years, to me nothing about you will ever be uncomfortable. I just forgot about it, so I didn’t expect…”

The delivery man chooses to arrive right now of all times, ruining the moment and giving Felix a reasonable excuse to drop the subject; when he returns into the room with two boxes of pizza in his hands, Changbin doesn’t have the heart to get back to that conversation, so their improvised dinner is mostly filled with other, unrelated topics.

Felix shares some more stories about the time he spent in Australia, while Changbin tells him about how things have been in his tattoo parlor, because he knows that Felix’s always been excited to listen to him talk about his job.

It feels right, being here with Felix and chewing pizza while drinking tea because that’s the only drink in Changbin’s apartment other than coffee these days, and Changbin almost forgets how lonely and quiet most of his evenings were when Felix wasn’t around.

They talk some more about their relationship, not diving too deep into that subject since they’re both tired and still under the impression of today’s wedding, and by the time they’re done with the food Changbin’s heart becomes a lot lighter than it was this morning.

“Changbinnie?” Felix nods towards the bed, reminding Changbin about the massage he promised to give.

Changbin doesn’t continue playing stubborn anymore, because his back really hurts and just the thought of having Felix’s gentle, warm little hands on his skin makes him shiver in the most pleasant way. He quickly strips out of his shirt, revealing all of his tattoos that are usually hidden from everyone, and smirks at the way Felix almost starts drooling over his favorite wolf tattoo on Changbin’s chest.

Back in the day, he would often shower Changbin’s tattoos with countless kisses, and there were even moments when Changbin teasingly noticed that Felix loved his muscles and tattoos more than he loved him. Felix pouted for a record time of five seconds before bursting out giggling and saying that those were also part of him before Changbin promised that he was only joking and pulled him in for a kiss.

“You have a new tattoo,” Felix murmurs, more to himself, as his fingers ghost over the colorful phoenix on Changbin’s back. “Why phoenix?”

“Siyeon did that one for me after I finally let go of my past,” Changbin shares, groaning when Felix starts to move his hands, pressing on the most tensed spots. “Did this in color to symbolize a new beginning, I guess.”

Felix knows his body better than anyone else, better than Changbin knows himself, and Changbin always finds himself immensely grateful for having this in his life: otherwise, with his constant back pains that come with his job, he would’ve struggled even more than he does now.

Felix easily discovers the places where it hurts most, where his muscles need more attention, almost has those spots memorized just like he can perfectly describe each curve of every Changbin’s tattoo.

“It looks cool,” Felix presses a little harder, apologizing for the pain it brings when he hears another choked groan from Changbin. “I mean, it really suits your image. Oh, sorry! It’ll feel better soon, I promise! When was the last time you got a massage?”

Changbin leaves this question unanswered: even though he knew that he needed it, he simply couldn’t imagine anyone else, even a professional in this field, do this for him. The last time he got a massage was before they broke up, on this same bed in this exact position, and, if Changbin is not mistaken, on that evening Felix didn’t have any clothes on.

The memory makes him sigh, wiggling under Felix, who remains very patient with him — well, he always is, but there were sometimes days in the past when he would at least huff at the way Changbin couldn’t stay still.

“Hyunjin told me that you want to get another tattoo?” Changbin asks a question of his own, making Felix freeze with it for a second before he continues his careful yet firm movements.

“Mhm,” he hums. “I had an idea in mind, but now I’m actually questioning it, because— well, things changed. Wait, let me finish that first, alright?”

“You don’t have to worry around me, Lixie, remember?” Changbin reminds him softly and grimaces in pain again when Felix starts working on a particularly tense spot. “This hurts as hell, but I love your hands so damn much.”

“Same here,” Felix chuckles, patting his biceps and making Changbin laugh with that too. “It’s almost unfair how you got even bigger while I wasn’t here.”

“Well, now you are here, so nothing really stops you from catching up on that.”

“You know I wouldn’t be opposed to that,” Felix purrs, fingers traveling up and down to make sure that he didn’t miss any area.

“Careful, or this may take a completely different turn—”

Felix only hums again and soon finishes up with the massage, but instead of moving to sit on the bed he leans down and leaves a kiss on the phoenix tattoo, making Changbin’s heart beat a little faster with this gesture, and then he lies down, giggling in Changbin’s ear softly.

It’s not the most comfortable position even though Felix isn’t heavy, but Changbin isn’t complaining, especially not when Felix starts kissing his way up Changbin’s neck.

“I’m sleepy,” Felix yawns again then, and it’s such a Felix thing to do that Changbin can’t help grinning against the pillow.

“Let’s sleep then?” he suggests, but Felix is one stubborn guy, so he shakes his head.

Felix rolls back onto the bed, letting Changbin sit up and look at him properly again, and stares at the ceiling for a few seconds before he suddenly announces that he would love to get matching wrist tattoos. Felix’s voice sounds sure, but there is something barely noticeable in his face that gives away the fact that he’s actually nervous about it, so Changbin decides to find out what the reason behind that nervousness is.

Changbin has nothing against them getting matching tattoos, because even if life forces them apart again, he doesn’t view tattoos as painful reminders of what’s lost when it is lost. Changbin usually gets something tattooed on his body to celebrate that moment, to have whatever brings a serious change in his life inked into his skin forever.

People get tattoos for many different reasons, so, while for Changbin it would be no big deal since he moved past the “only getting tattoos after a year of thinking about it in case he starts to regret it” stage long ago, he wants to make sure that Felix has really thought things through and isn’t planning to do this just for the hell of it.

“I would be happy to do that,” he begins carefully. “It’s a lovely idea, really, but, Lixie, it’s also a little risky, don’t you think? What if something happens and—”

“But Lixie wants to!” Felix pouts, looking at him with pleading eyes.

This right here is the strongest weapon that always messes with Changbin’s heart: Felix doesn’t use that often, but every time he refers to himself as “Lixie” Changbin finds it impossible to argue with him. Whenever Felix pulls that card on him, Changbin starts to melt and Felix inevitably gets what he wants — be it cotton candy in an amusement park or a matching tattoo with Changbin.

“Come here,” Changbin gently pulls Felix to sit on his lap, making him blush prettily because of being so close. “What do you have in mind?”

Frankly, Changbin is surprised that he isn’t blushing right now as well, because Felix is still looking at him with those pouty lips, and his freckles are so distracting that he can barely stay focused on the conversation they’re currently having.

It’s already hard to concentrate on something after such an exhausting and emotional day, paired up with a hot shower and a relaxing massage from Felix, but Changbin makes an effort, because Felix’s eyes are sparkling with little stars again and he would forever hate himself if he missed the opportunity to admire that view that he gets on top of him.

“At first, I wanted to get a flower tattoo on my wrist, a forget-me-not, because— um, it represents true love, so it’s like a promise to always remember someone? I wasn’t sure where we would stand after this wedding, didn’t want to set any expectations, but I thought that it would be a beautiful way to always keep you next to me, at least through a tattoo.”

Felix stumbles over his words as he speaks, and it pains Changbin to hear that he wanted to get that tattooed regardless of whether they’d get back together, wanted to have the memory of their happy days imprinted on his body even if those days were long gone. Felix loves tattoos, loves learning about the meaning behind them, as well as he loves watching the process and listening to Changbin talk about his job, but he isn’t that keen on the idea of getting things tattooed on his own body.

While Changbin has around fifteen tattoos all over his body — smaller and bigger ones as well as black and colorful tattoos, Felix only has one that he got after thinking about it and discussing it with Changbin for a few months. The fact that he wants to give his second tattoo this specific meaning deeply touches Changbin’s heart and he doesn’t get to catch himself before leaning in to capture Felix’s lips in a sweet kiss, making him hum in surprise.

“What was that?” Felix murmurs against his lips.

“Couldn’t resist the urge to kiss you,” Changbin honestly admits, enjoying the way Felix gets all shy because of this. “Can’t get enough of this, I missed you too much. Anyway, you said ‘at first’, right? What are you planning to get now, if at all?”

“I still want this, and I would love it if we could both get flower tattoos on our wrists where one would kind of smoothly turn into the other?”

Changbin frowns for a moment, trying to envision this, and then suggests that they get different flowers for their tattoos — it won’t take away the deep meaning behind it, but that way they will each have a flower that has the most important reminder for them instead of going for the same thing.

“And it can also demonstrate that despite being so different, we still always find our way back to each other,” he adds, making Felix beam with those words and nod excitedly. “I could perhaps get lavender tattooed, I love the meaning behind it and also love how different it is from forget-me-nots in every way.”

“This actually sounds so good! You always know how to make things more beautiful.”

Felix looks at him with endless adoration and Changbin doesn’t have the heart to ruin this little moment by saying that nothing can be more beautiful than Felix himself and making it even cheesier.

Somehow, with Felix, Changbin, who is usually discreet when it comes to feelings, turns into a little soft romantic puddle, ready to let Felix braid his hair and make tiny pigtails with colorful hair ties as well as wear matching clothes and even get matching tattoos.

“Lixie?” he calls quietly. “I know that you came back here for Seungmin before anything else, but thank you for giving me this chance to rewrite all the mistakes of the past and turn them into happy moments this time.”

“Seo Changbin, if you say one more word like this, I will turn into a clingy sobbing mess and you will be obligated to make love to me until I pass out,” Felix threatens, and it doesn’t even sound like a joke. “Do you have a spare toothbrush?”

The swift change of topic takes Changbin aback for a second and makes him lightly slap Felix’s bare thigh before he crawls out of bed to check it. It turns out that he did have a spare toothbrush up until yesterday’s evening when Hyunjin accidentally made it his toothbrush, so Felix will have to skip brushing his teeth tonight.

“Ah, dang, I should’ve stayed with Chan then,” Felix giggles when Changbin splashes warm water into his face. “You’re so cruel! I better wait for you under the blanket rather than here, or else I’m not responsible for what I may do. See you there!”

Felix quickly leaves the bathroom, and when Changbin comes back to bed five minutes later he really is waiting under the blanket — the only problem is that he stole the entire blanket and now refuses to share it. Usually, Changbin would just shrug and go to sleep without one, because he tends to get hot at night anyway, but tonight he wants to mess with Felix too, so he attacks the guy who doesn’t expect anything like that with a bear hug.

“Ouch, Changbin, you’re heavy,” Felix complains, huffing, but still makes no move to share the blanket.

“Give me that blanket and then you can sleep on my chest, Lix,” Changbin promises, and that is what gets him to reconsider.

“When I wake up tomorrow, will all of this be a dream?” Felix asks a few minutes later, when he’s all comfortable on Changbin’s chest, and tangles their legs under the blanket.

“There’s only one way to find that out,” Changbin responds with a sigh, patting Felix’s head softly in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture. “I won’t be able to survive another Hyunjin’s wedding, but if this means having you back in my life for real, then I wouldn’t mind even being stuck in a time loop.”

“Ohh, careful with that,” Felix mumbles against his skin, lips grazing the wolf tattoo that he can’t even see in darkness but has memorized at this point. “What if you have to be Hyunjin’s best man for a whole eternity?”

Changbin shudders at the very prospect of that, because as much as he loves Hyunjin, going through this once in his whole life is already more than enough.

“Let’s just find that out in the morning,” he snorts, holding Felix even tighter in his arms, who only purrs at that happily — sometimes Changbin really wonders why he loves to be held like this so much.

“Can’t believe I’m with you again,” Felix whispers into his chest. “I love you, Binnie. Good night.”

“I hope you sleep well tonight, kitten. I love you too, so, so much.”

There’s still a lot for them to discuss once they wake up, but right now, falling asleep with Felix softly snoring on his chest, Changbin knows that he was given a chance to be happy again and make Felix genuinely happy too — and he’s not letting this chance go to waste, no matter what it takes from him.

Tomorrow, Changbin is going to count all the freckles scattered around Felix’s shoulders with his lips, and all the other plans can wait.

////

It’s four in the morning when his phone screen starts lighting up with notifications about the new messages he’s just received, but Changbin is sound asleep, so he only sees those when it’s already too late to respond, with Felix rubbing his eyes sleepily and peeking from behind his shoulder when Changbin starts laughing at what he reads.

hanji (4:31 am.):

changbin

changbin

changbin are you sleeping

changbin fuck—

they’re all sleeping rn

hyunjin and seungmin are probably

idk

having sex

or whatever they do in marriage

god changbin please

what do i do if i

i might have

i said no wedding

like ever

but fuck i fucked up i

was actually planning to propose someday

but i ruined all my plans??

when the party ended and everyone started to go to sleep or leave i was wrapping up and damn i was so tired already

it was like an hour ago

minho walked up to me and asked if i wanted to dance

and we were alone and we both drank some alcohol but not enough to really get drunk you know

fuck he was just so different from how he acted at the party and

so damn soft and clingy and

he laughed when i blurted that out but said yes????

we didn’t talk about it but now he’s asleep and i’m freaking out

i wanted it to be more romantic and nicer AND NOT NOW

gosh what do i do now

changbin i am so

stupid

okay fuck whatever you’re not responding anyway

hope you and lix had fun

As soon as he finishes scrolling through the messages, Felix bursts out laughing too, leaning on Changbin’s shoulder and hugging him by the waist to avoid falling off the bed.

“You better pray that Jisung doesn’t ask you to be his best man too,” Felix chokes out through tears, only laughing harder when Changbin glares at him.

“We’ll see what Minho says to you,” Changbin bites back, and that miraculously makes Felix shut up.

He reads through Jisung’s texts again, almost groaning in despair when he thinks about the ring he bought for Felix that is still hidden safely — apparently, it will have to wait there for a few more years, because Changbin simply won’t be able to survive yet another wedding, especially if it’s his own wedding.

“Let’s make breakfast and start working on the tattoo sketches?” he offers in hopes to forget about this topic.

Felix beams at him, jumping out of bed and all but running into the kitchen happily, and at that moment Changbin realizes that everything’s going to be okay for them — because this time they’re both ready to make that important effort.

The universe sure has its favorites, and today, for once, Changbin feels like he might actually be one of those.