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"k-kaeya..."
he craned his neck to look into the taller man's eye, and all he saw was rage. slowly, he stepped back, his entire body trembling under the crushing weight of that icy gaze.
"w-wait! i can explain-"
a hand clasped around his neck, shoving him hard against a bookcase, some of the books and papers falling to the ground. it happened so quickly, he couldn't do anything except claw at the hand which was digging into the sides of his throat.
"kaeya..! what are you doing? i-it hurts, please st-"
"who are you?"
something bloomed inside the impostor's chest. it was terror.
he opened his mouth to speak, but all he could manage was a strangled plea, a sound which resembled kaeya's name.
"who. are. you."
"please..." tears formed in the corners of his eyes. even though kaeya knew the one writhing under his grasp was a fake, he couldn't help but soften.
you look just like him.
his grip loosened, and the impostor sank to the floor, coughing and gasping for air.
"you lied to me," kaeya said, his voice cold and so full of sorrow, like the unforgiving, howling winds of dragonspine.
at that moment, the impostor learned something new about himself, and it was that he had a heart.
it was breaking. breaking, like glass shattering against stone.
"i am sorry," he said hoarsely.
his tears fell to the blue carpeted floor, leaving heavy, dark stains.
kaeya scoffed as he sat down on his chair.
"i thought..." he started. although the impostor did not look up, he could tell that kaeya was trying not to cry. "i thought he liked me. albedo, i mean. not... not you."
not you.
he frowned at that, salt rubbing against the wound. he had never felt so hurt.
"i just wanted..." he was sobbing pathetically, frantically wiping away every tear which fell from his eyes. "i just wanted you to look at me."
"why?"
he looked up at kaeya teary eyed, a look of disgust and betrayal carved into his expression.
"why...? you're asking me... why?" he laughed at that. he thought he was going to go crazy. maybe he'd already went mad when he decided to play this game of pretend. he rose from the floor, slowly walking towards the seated man.
"because i want you kaeya."
i want you so bad.
"i want you. i like you."
i love you.
"i love you! love you! i love you!"
he screamed as he sobbed, grabbing kaeya's face between his hands and climbing onto his lap.
"i am infatuated with you kaeya, but you..."
he dared to lean in closer, kaeya's warm body a stark contrast to his own manmade one.
"you'd rather chase after someone who doesn't even look at you." he whispered into kaeya's ear as if he was sharing a secret.
"you're not him." kaeya brushed a strand of hair from his face. the touch was still gentle and sweet, like a lie. he almost leaned into the touch. almost.
"you're right. i'm not him." still shaking, he rested his forehead on kaeya's shoulder, tears still dripping down his face.
"but he doesn't know you smell like wine and books up close."
he watched, gauging kaeya's expression, and continued.
"he doesn't know how pretty you look when you smile."
"he doesn't know that your hair shines in the moonight."
"i know you. i know you better than him. better than anyone else!"
he buried his face into the crook of kaeya's neck, his hands desperately holding on to kaeya so that his fragile heart could stop crumbling apart.
"why won't you choose me?"
he could hear kaeya's heart beating when they were this close. his body was so warm. the impostor imagined how nice it would be to wake up every morning with kaeya's body draped around his, holding him close.
"get off me."
the beautiful delusion broke, and he was thrown onto the floor. kaeya got up from his seat.
"i'm sorry kaeya."
kaeya didn't even spare a glance at him. he was walking towards the door.
"kaeya!"
"i was wrong! please!"
don't go.
his hand reached for kaeya's cape, and grabbed on to it for dear life.
"please..."
kaeya did not look at him with love or admiration.
he looked at him with pity.
it hurts.
this hurts.
i wish i was never born.
kaeya crouched down to his level and pulled him into a hug. an apology, not an act of affection. nonetheless he tricked himself into thinking that it was out of love and leaned into that warm, human touch, like an idiot.
"i'm sorry. you're not the one i love."
"please just forget about me. let me go. okay?"
he shook his head. how could he forget?
"please just let me go."
he realized that kaeya was begging. begging for him to disappear from his life.
the pain was unbearable.
"you're so kind kaeya," the impostor said bitterly. "i know what you're trying to do. you're trying to say goodbye. and once i'm gone, you're going to go to dragonspine. to that real one, aren't you?"
silence. the impostor sighed.
"you want me to let you go?"
kaeya nodded. "please."
for what seemed to be an eternity, the impostor was in deep thought.
"fine. i will. but..."
"but what?"
his voice dropped to a shy whisper. "kiss me before you go."
kaeya was reluctant at first, but decided to grant that last wish out of the kindness of his heart. carefully, kaeya scooped him up and seated him gently on the chair. the entire ordeal was enough to make the impostor blush.
kaeya cupped his tearstained cheek tentatively, their faces just mere inches apart.
"is this okay?"
kaeya spoke so softly, the impostor almost believed he was the real albedo himself.
"yes," he replied, already so weak and breathless.
before he could say anything else, kaeya's lips were already on his own. he closed his eyes, losing himself in the pleasant sensation of drunkenness. temporary, but so addicting.
kaeya tasted like strawberries and wine and everything he could ever ask for. everything he wanted but could never have.
he wanted it. he wanted it all so bad.
eventually, kaeya pulled away.
the impostor laid slumped against the chair, a panting mess.
by the time he came to his senses, kaeya was gone.
~
dragonspine was freezing as always. the impostor watched as the snow falls quietly across a bleak, white landscape. lovely, but so lonely at the same time.
i arrived earlier than i expected.
it seems like he isn't here yet.
with haste, he made his way to albedo's camp.
~
albedo was busy adding in the final details to the portrait of kaeya he spent days painting.
he had asked traveler and paimon for advice on how to confess to someone, and they suggested to give them a gift. so here he was, burning the midnight oil to complete the painting before giving it to kaeya tomorrow.
was he nervous? very much so. this was something new to him, and he was never really good at socializing in the first place.
albedo started to visualize every possible outcome in his head.
will he like my gift? will he hate it?
how should i give it to him?
what should i say? what next?
will he end up feeling the same?
all these questions and hypotheses tumbled around in his mind before disappearing altogether when he heard footsteps in the snow right outside his camp.
"who's there?"
no reply.
thinking it was just an animal, albedo went back to painting. however, there seemed to be an uneasy feeling he couldn't shake.
crunch.
that was unmistakably a person's footstep.
what shocked him the most was seeing 'himself' standing outside the camp in the snow, teal eyes glowing in the dark.
"it's you." he said, hand reaching for his sword propped against the leg of a table.
his doppelganger was silent for a while, before it's face twisted into a smile.
"how lucky you are," it said.
albedo's grip on his sword tightened. "why are you here?"
the impostor dashed forward, a sword made of ice materializing in his hand as he slashed vertically, slicing a table in half. albedo dodged left, barely missing the attack. with a flick of its hand the impostor sent ice spikes flying across the camp, toppling the bookshelves and the easel holding the portrait albedo worked so hard on.
"i am here to end you, albedo," it growled. "i want to be you. The little alchemist that kaeya adores so much."
"...what?"
it's eyes widened. "you don't know?"
it started laughing, the sound echoing back eerily. "you're so lucky. you are perfect in his eyes, but me?"
the impostor smashed a glass flask, watching it shatter on the floor.
"I am just a cheap copy."
"I don't understand."
the impostor walked towards albedo, its ice sword dragging across the ground.
"what's so good about you? what does he see in you that makes you so different from me?"
"where did i go wrong? huh? tell me!"
it swung his sword blindly, tears spilling out it's eyes as it cried again because its heart was still too fragile for human emotions.
"tell me... what's wrong with me?"
"i...i'm sorry." albedo didn't know why he was apologizing, the words just came out on their own.
"you don't have to be sorry." the impostor raised its sword.
"all you have to do is die."
albedo barely reacted in time, the sword grazing his shoulder as he unleashed a tectonic tide in the form of geo flower petals. it wasn't enough to kill, but enough to stun the impostor so that albedo could get away.
"stop running away! i have to kill you quickly... and replace you before he arrives."
"who is 'he'?" albedo placed down a solar isotoma, picking up the crystals it formed to shield himself from the onslaught of ice spikes flying in all sorts of directions.
"who else can it be?"
kaeya?
the impostor lunged forward again. its sword broke through the shield with ease, dispersing it almost immediately. albedo blocked the attack with his own sword, resulting in a horrible clanging sound as the ice sword shattered from the impact.
albedo only had a split second to recover before he was grabbed by the throat and pulled into a headlock.
"please please please... just die already."
albedo picked up a shard of the shattered ice and stabbed it into the impostor's abdomen, earning a strangled scream from it. although it was in pain, it was still latched onto him like a parasite.
struggling to breathe, albedo kicked and scratched at his assailant. he used the shard of ice like a knife, stabbing at whatever he could which resulted in a bloody mess.
"fuck!" the impostor threw albedo to the ground and kicked relentlessly at his stomach until albedo was no longer moving.
several minutes later, the fighting ended with albedo lying on the floor unconscious and the impostor filled with stab wounds.
the snow had already turned red from their blood.
"finally..." it smiled, thinking albedo was dead. "now i can have my happy ending..."
"albedo!"
it could hear kaeya's voice from afar.
"help...! help me!" it leaned forward, crawling towards the voice.
but then, out of the corner of its vision it saw something move.
no.
albedo slowly propped himself up, coughing up a worrying amount of blood.
"no..."
no no no no no
NO NO NO NO NO
WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD YET?
the impostor grew frantic, but it was unable to move. it watched helplessly as kaeya pulled albedo up with the same gentleness he showed when they kissed.
"no...!" it screamed at the top of its lungs, but what came out was a choked whisper.
albedo was still reeling, pain blooming from every inch of his body.
"can you stand?" he heard kaeya ask, and all he could manage was a shake of his head. his arms were already jelly, he could imagine his legs were the same.
"kaeya...! kaeya... don't listen to him..."
the impostor hoisted itself up with all of its remaining strength, stumbling towards the both of them. "that one is fake. kill him kaeya." it said.
albedo's eyes widened as he and kaeya exchanged glances. he shook his head again, hoping kaeya would believe him.
"he attacked me out of nowhere! i was so scared..."
"kill him...! kill him!"
"kaeya! i'm the real one!" albedo pleaded.
"i know."
to albedo's surprise, kaeya placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder and smiled. "i know."
utterly defeated, the impostor sighed sadly. it did not resist when kaeya dragged it out into the snow and pointed his blade at its throat.
"you tried to trick me. again."
the blade pressed harder, drawing a little bit of blood.
"i tried my best."
"i wish you didn't."
"well i wish i tried harder."
the impostor sent a harsh glare towards albedo who had kaeya's cape wrapped around him.
"you know what kaeya?"
"hurry up and just kill me now."
the blade dug deeper but kaeya's expression remained solemn.
"are you sure?"
it smiled coldly at kaeya.
"i would rather die than see him live my dream."
~
albedo woke up to an unfamiliar ceiling and a familiar face.
"you're awake." kaeya sighed, visibly relieved.
"how are you feeling?"
"...terrible." albedo covered his eyes with his good arm, the other wrapped in layers of bandages. "how long was i asleep?"
kaeya lit a candle, illuminating the dark room with a warm yellow light. "three days. barbara says you should rest for at least another few days before going back to work."
"oh. i see."
"where are we?"
"hm? oh, my room."
what.
albedo took in his surroundings. a desk with stacks of reports left to review. the dark blue silk sheets on the bed. wait, bed?
this is kaeya's sleeping quarters.
which means that this is kaeya's bed.
i have been sleeping on kaeya's bed.
"umm...are you okay?"
"albedo?"
"huh? er, yes. w-what is it?" he tried his best to act nonchalant, but that facade quickly vanished as kaeya gently placed a hand on his forehead.
"you look a little pale. are you sick? do you need a doctor?"
"what? n-no i'm... i'm fine."
kaeya squinted at him suspiciously, their faces way to close for albedo's comfort.
"are you sure?"
"...yes."
i am not fine.
this is... this is too...
"o-oh okay. well, if you don't need anything i'll just be over there..." kaeya gestured awkwardly to his desk. "...actually doing work for once."
"ah, wait."
albedo realized he unconsciously had kaeya's sleeve in a death grip, and shyly let go.
"i...um, i wanna ask you something."
kaeya seemed to suck in a breath. "okay."
albedo waited for him to settle on the bed. with himself. sitting. on the same bed. okay. he mentally slapped himself for staring at kaeya's hand moving across the sheets for too long.
"what happened up there on the mountain? you know... after i fell unconscious."
kaeya frowned, his lips pressed into a thin line. "well i killed him."
albedo's eyes widened. "he's dead?"
"yes." kaeya sighed again, tracing shapes on the sheets. "i made sure of it."
"why?"
"because he tried to kill you."
for a moment they look into each other's eyes and felt a zap of electricity. kaeya was the first to look away.
"u-um, well i thought if i left him alive he would only come for you again, so i just... yeah."
"oh..."
a twinge of guilt settled heavily on albedo's chest. "i see."
"do you know why he wanted me dead?"
"that...um..." kaeya blinked. "i don't know."
albedo frowned because clearly, that was a lie. it was written all over his face. why would kaeya lie to him? he couldn't understand it.
because in his eyes kaeya was so sweet and kind and good and-
okay, that's quite enough. albedo cringed at himself. kaeya was still looking at him with that... expecting look in his eyes and he didn't know how to act.
"i-is there anything else?"
that expectant glint in kaeya's eye quickly dulled. "no," he said, disappointment seeping into his tone. "there's nothing else."
kaeya was usually so good at hiding what he truly felt. albedo sensed that there was a deeper meaning to it all. maybe kaeya wanted him to catch on to those subtle expressions. or maybe he was reading too far into the lines?
"i had something i wanted to give to you."
what the hell am i doing? albedo scolded himself, carefully, carefully watching the way the corners of kaeya's mouth tugged up into a soft smile. he totally did not imagine what those lips would feel like pressed against his. nope, absolutely not.
"a gift? what's the occasion?"
"ah the occasion... yes, um. well, you see..."
"it's just to thank you, f-for... uh..."
never in albedo's life has he ever felt so illiterate, and it was all because of one person.
"for being a good cavalry captain."
kaeya blinked in confusion.
at that moment albedo wanted so badly to exchange places with durin, who was very much dead, buried under a mountain.
"oh. well... thank you? i guess? well if there's nothing else, i'm gonna leave you alone to rest."
"ah, no... actually i..." albedo buried his burning face in his hands.
oh do i really have to be the one to say it?
albedo muttered something under his breath.
"what?"
"...confession." albedo whispered.
"i wanted to... i mean i want to... confess something." he peeked through the cracks between his fingers, and he saw kaeya still watching him with that gentle, patient expression on his face which always made him so, so nervous.
"you know i'm not fond of relationships."
albedo shakily reached for kaeya's hands on the bed, their fingers almost touching.
"but if it's with you, i'm willing to try."
kaeya's eye widened so much, albedo thought that he must be confused out of his mind.
"a-ah, what i'm trying to say is-"
"really?"
since when did he get so close? albedo shrunk away from kaeya, but it was too late. every muscle in his body had seized up, locking him in place.
"you feel the same as me?"
now albedo was confused. what did kaeya mean by 'feel the same as him' ?
"when i'm with you, i feel content, as if i have my entire world by my side."
"tell me albedo..."
it was all too sudden, and all too much for albedo. warmth pooled in his stomach and on his thigh where kaeya's hand rested.
smiling and tucking a piece of hair behind albedo's ear, kaeya asked, "do you feel the same when you're with me?"
albedo realized that they've been running towards each other for so long, and right now, they finally met in the middle.
"i do."
he was breathless, heart pounding away underneath his skin. kaeya was close enough to hear it as well. he felt so embarrassed, so vulnerable. he didn't hate it though, because strangely, kaeya was an exception for most things. his weakness, perhaps. and it was fine. as long as it was kaeya, albedo wasn't worried.
"albedo."
kaeya's voice was as smooth as ever. it was magnetic as well, pulling albedo so much closer.
"can i kiss you?" he asked, making the butterflies in albedo's stomach flutter fervently.
albedo nodded, and the distance between them finally disappeared into nothing.
he closed his eyes, relishing in the sweetness and gentleness of it all. warm brown skin pressed against his own, soft, soft lips leading him in a slow dance. albedo felt as if he was burning up from the inside; in a good way at least.
"put your arms around me." kaeya sighed softly into the tiny space between them.
"like this?" albedo awkwardly wrapped his arms around kaeya's shoulders, earning an amused snicker from the other man.
"no, like this."
kaeya placed albedo's arms around his neck.
"...whoa." albedo couldn't stop thinking about how pretty kaeya's eye colour was. icy blue, sunlight reflected off of snow, the colour of the purest starsilver ores. the colour of some shooting stars even. he reminded himself to create a new type of paint so that he could recreate the shine of kaeya's eyes on the canvas perfectly. the way kaeya looked at him however... well, he decided to keep that for himself.
his train of thought crashed when kaeya kissed him again, this time with a newfound confidence and passion. every touch, every push and pull was a supernova setting off in albedo's brain.
"a-ah, wait a second-"
"oh, are you okay?"
"yes i just... give me a moment."
albedo took a deep breath, the cold air doing little to cool his body. he wasn't used to it at all. the heat was too much, and he was afraid of falling, like when icarus flew too close to the sun.
"do you wanna stop?"
albedo paused for a moment, then nodded slowly. "i'm sorry."
"what? don't be." kaeya draped his arms around albedo, pulling him into a loose hug. albedo involuntarily melted into his touch.
"maybe next time, we can... you know. do that."
"okay." kaeya buried his face into the crook of albedo's neck, his eye tracing along the star shaped mark on it.
"do you wanna know how i knew you were the real one?"
"oh yeah. how?"
"this."
kaeya's lips brushed against the outline of the star, eliciting a soft groan from albedo. "kaeya..."
"haha, okay i'll stop teasing you."
"you better. i'm tired, i'm going to sleep now. good night."
"want me to go?"
"...no. stay here."
kaeya laughed. "okay."
and so, albedo fell asleep to the sound of kaeya's heartbeat that night.