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As Ronaldo stretched, he went over what was on the agenda today. First, he had to feed John. Check! He thought as he filled the bowl. “Nuuu…” The vampire hunter smiled and scratched John on the head. Huh… What should I eat for breakfast?
Looking over at the coffin in front of the couch, he growled. “Good for nothing… Shitty vampire,” Ronaldo complained, kicking the outside of it.
“Sand!” the shrill voice inside, Draluc, cried. The signature sound of disintegration shortly followed after. The lid of the coffin flew off as Draluc sprung up with his cloak flowing about him. Ronaldo thought it would get hot wearing that thick, black cape all the time, but he never commented on it. Out loud. As he paid attention to Draluc again, the vampire was complaining. “This is the third time this week you’ve woken me up early, Ronaldo! I die even easier without sleep. Do you want to make John cry?” he guilt-tripped, holding up the sweet armadillo.
“Nuu..”
The vampire hunter crossed his arms, gasping. His eyebrows narrowed so far it felt like they were gonna touch his nose. “First off, no! And second off, don’t guilt trip me, parasitic vampire…!” Ronaldo trailed off, laughing awkwardly. “Third … Ehh, will you make breakfast? Please?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck.
Draluc’s eyebrow twitched as he scowled. Speaking through clenched teeth and smiling, he nodded. “Yes. Just give me a moment.”
Ronaldo smiled and plopped down on the couch, opening his laptop. John sat beside him curiously. He was already working on the next volume of The Ronaldo Chronicles after the success of the last one, especially with the… unique marketing tactics with Handa’s mom. His only issue was that there hadn’t been many vampires out lately. In his desperation, Ronaldo had even looked during the day. The only vampire he could smell was the dreadful one he’d been cursed to house.
The stove in the kitchen clicked as Draluc turned it on. “Writing so early in the morning? Do you intend to do that all day?” The vampire asked over his shoulder, curious. He was already tying his apron behind him.
“... No,” Ronaldo sighed, defeated. The vampire hunter placed his hands on the back of his neck and grimaced at the rough draft. Over the course of two days, all he’d written was:
The
And, obviously, that wouldn’t cut it with the battle axe wielding Fukuma. Just thinking about that man sent a shiver down his spine. “All of my efforts are so futile! Fuck! I'm a maggot!” Ronaldo groaned loudly, hitting the side of his head with his palm. John frowned and pawed at the vampire hunter’s hand. “I just have nothing to go off of! No past events, current events, and I can’t even think of something to make up. Fukuma will totally annihilate me…!” he fretted, eyebrow twitching as a cold sweat formed on his forehead.
Draluc listened carefully to the complaining, pouring pancake batter in the evenly heated pan. “Hmm… No ideas? Well, isn’t that just normal for you?” the vampire provoked, smirking mockingly. Ronaldo’s anger nearly steamed out of his ears as he shot a cold glare back towards the kitchen. “Alright, alright. We can think of something. Ehh, if I’m not busy,” the scrawny man offered, looking back down to the pancake. The light smell of the batter was spreading throughout the apartment.
“Busy? What, did you get a new game? Because it surely isn’t anything actually important, shit vampire,” Ronaldo murmured the nickname under his breath, still looking back towards the kitchen. “I hope you didn’t buy the game under my tab. You know, that hot milk you keep getting at the guild is really expensive!! I’ve had much less extra savings recently. You’re lucky you know how to cook, Draluc, or I would’ve turned you into sand five times over by now!”
“Sand!” Draluc cried, disintegrating on the floor mid-cooking.
Ronaldo growled, jumping up and pointing at the pile in shame. “What?! Weak vampire! You died just from a threat? I can’t believe you!” the hunter yelled, eyes wide as the vampire slowly reformed. As the vampire shot a bloody look his way, Ronaldo suddenly deflated. “A-Ahh… Just kidding! Sorry, Draluc!” he apologized bashfully, fearful of celery in his pancakes.
“Nuu!” John cried, crawling to the kitchen to get rid of the celery.
Setting the cutlery on the table, Draluc looked over at Ronaldo. “How shameful to be watering your mouth that much, it’s going to get over the table cover,” the vampire commented as the hunter’s gaze shone with hunger.
“Thanks for breakfast, vampire!” Ronaldo thanked genuinely as he began shoveling the pancakes into his mouth. John crawled on the table, nibbling his share. The two sighed happily as they ate. Ronaldo was especially thankful as no bits of celery were in the syrup or stack of pancakes.
Draluc nodded, grabbing a bottle of special milk from the fridge. “No problem, hunter,” he said, watching his roommate eat fondly. A small smile crept onto the vampire’s face as he watched the clumsy oaf eat so happily. Looking back to the milk, he remembered a few days ago when Ronaldo had first bought it.
“Ehh? Ronaldo, what are these?” the vampire questioned, holding up two expensive bottles of milk from the grocery bags the vampire hunter had brought home. Ronaldo suddenly looked bashful as he turned away, cheeks a little pink.
“It’s just… Ah, they usually don’t carry that. They had it this time, though, so I picked up two bottles. I know it’s your favorite. Also, you’ve been very dutiful with the housework. Don’t read into it so much with that disbelieving expression! What, your roommate can’t be nice?”
Draluc smiled, opening the fridge so as to set them aside. The cold air would also help his rapidly heating up face. “Thank you, Ronaldo.”
Settling down at the table, Draluc screwed off the cap and took a swig. “Ah, right. As we were discussing earlier, you’re having trouble thinking of ideas?” the vampire questioned.
Ronaldo was silent for a moment as he chewed his food and swallowed before responding. “Yes, obviously! Idiot. You’re lucky these pancakes are so delicious or else I would’ve hit you just now. But really, nothing of note has happened lately. Everything has just been going… normally. You haven’t even gotten a good hi-score in one of your games,” the vampire hunter sighed, the vampire narrowing his eyes before retorting.
“ Actually , I beat the world record yesterday fo–” Draluc paused. Ronaldo raised an eyebrow, looking over.
“What? For what?” he questioned, widening his eyes. “And did you win money?! Please, say you did!”
“No, I… I may have an idea for your book,” Draluc sheepishly started, looking down at his bottle of milk. “Yesterday, my father contacted me to tell me he would be visiting the apartment today. It slipped my mind to inform you until…”
“Now,” Ronaldo finished the sentence, his teeth grinding. “Your father can be such a nuisance. You really didn’t think to warn me, Draluc?” He sighed. “Still, it could make for a funny anecdote. My vampire companion’s father visits my own apartment…! Alright! Well, when will he get here?” the vampire hunter questioned.
Draluc rested his chin on his fist, thinking. “Well, it may be a few hours. It is still early, after all. Vampires who aren’t treated poorly by their roommates are still sleeping right now,” the vampire griped, sipping the filling milk. Ronaldo laughed awkwardly, shoveling another mouthful of pancakes into his mouth.
“Nuu, nuu!” John cheered, crawling to sit by Draluc on the table. The armadillo liked seeing his master’s father. After John crawled over, an awkward silence filled the surrounding area of the two roommates. Draluc messed with a stain from the batter on his apron. A breeze rustled the curtains from the slightly ajar window. The clicking of Ronaldo’s fork against his plate and chewing was the only sound. It was dreadful.
“Thanks again for breakfast. It really is good,” the vampire hunter murmured through the silence, nearly done with the last pancake on his plate. Looking up at his vampire roommate, Ronaldo put his hand on his mouth to stifle a laugh.
Draluc raised an eyebrow, suspicious. “What. What? Hey, seriously! What is it, Ronaldo?” he questioned, taking another drink of milk. When he put the bottle down again, the vampire hunter burst out laughing. The vampire felt embarrassed. Was it some inside joke? What was going on? The tips of his ears crumbled into sand, eyes narrowed. “What, you oaf?!”
“Your– Your mouth!” Ronaldo pointed at Draluc, snickering. “Ahahaa! You– Ahh.. You have a milk mustache. It looks so stupid!” In hysterics, the vampire hunter continued babbling in-between laughs. “So dumb– hehe! And cute!”
The vampire hunter suddenly stopped as he realized what he said. The color drained from his face as he cleared his throat, turning away. Through the corner of his vision, Ronaldo saw a flush spread on Draluc’s pale expression. Drawing his cape to cover the lower half of his face, the vampire also cleared his throat. “...A-Ah… I… Will go wash my mouth. Leave your plate on the table, I’ll… Eh… Get it in a moment…” The vampire’s voice was strained, dying towards the end of his sentence as he quickly sped off to the bathroom.
“Fuck.”
Ronaldo immediately dropped his head to the table, landing with a thunk . He drew a hand through his hair as he picked his head up again, feeling drenched in humiliation. John walked over, giving a thumbs up. “Nuu!” the armadillo comforted with a smile. The vampire hunter picked him up, stumbling over to the couch.
“Ehh, John, why are you being so positive…? What do you know that I don’t…?” Ronaldo asked with an airy voice, the event from a minute ago replaying in his head.
In the office attached to the apartment, Ronaldo worked on the draft. He had written a few sentences; they were alright, but they set up the events of the coming evening well.
The night breeze was stiff as I recalled what my partner, Draluc, told me. His father, one of the many vampires of his clan, would be coming over to visit our shared apartment today. I was nervous, yes, but prepared. What if Draluc betrayed me, and him and his father would gang up on me? For that reason, my gun was holstered and loaded by my side as a precaution.
The excerpt wasn’t entirely truthful, though. Ronaldo had placed an odd amount of trust in Draluc ever since he crashed at the apartment. He’d also met Draus, his father, too, and he was a decent man– though that fool doted on Draluc far too much! The hunter thought all that babying was probably why the vampire hadn’t learned to order something that wasn’t on Ronaldo’s tab.
Just as he was thinking about Draus, a hearty knock shook the door. The white-haired man quickly snapped his laptop shut, strolling over and opening the door. He was greeted with a big smile and, surprisingly enough, an enveloping hug.
“Ah! Ronaldo! So good to see you, boy!” Draus greeted, pulling away. His hands were on Ronaldo’s shoulders for a few more moments before he entered the office, inspecting the place. “I’ve never been here before… So, is the apartment just connected? That’s rhetorical! I’ve read your novels, and I love them! I wish Draluc was in the stories more.”
He was trying to keep up with Draus’ rambling, but Ronaldo was still stuck on that oddly father-like hug Draus had given upon seeing him. But, he’s a dad, the hunter reasoned. Aren’t all his hugs ‘father-like’? What constitutes as father-like for a hug? Ergh, this is stupid. But we aren’t even that close… It has to be a vampire custom. Still wrapping his head around the culture shock, he nodded and smiled. “Yes! Welcome, Draus. Your son is inside finishing some laundry,” he explained, opening the door.
As Draus stepped inside, he looked back at Ronaldo. “Laundry? Ah, as expected of my son! He is so helpful and has offered to take up the chores as a way to repay you for graciously taking care of him financially.”
Ronaldo ground his teeth slightly, smiling and speaking through clenched teeth. “Yes… He’s… So generous.”
Suddenly, the door to the laundry room opened and Draluc stepped out with the apron from earlier on. He smiled brightly as he saw Draus. “Ah, father! I’m so glad you arrived!” The purple-toned vampire quickly walked over, swallowed up in a hug from his father. “Sand!” the vampire spoke in a strained voice. The hug had been a little too tight.
His father laughed brightly over John’s small cries, helping the armadillo scoop some of the sand. “I see you are your usual self, Draluc. How have things been? I heard you have been dutiful and taken up a… Role in the household?” Draus worded carefully, standing up again as his son reformed.
“Role as the servant , I suppose! Ronaldo, you should carry your weight around here. I’m tasked with everything,” Draluc complained, taking off his apron and walking to the kitchen to place it in one of the drawers. The vampire hunter ground his teeth, biting back a retort as Draus began speaking again.
“Ronaldo, you should know to not overwork my poor son! With his fragile constitution, I imagine he can hardly cook or even do a single load of laundry. Do better,” he scolded, walking away from the door to explore the living room-kitchen area.
The white-haired man grumbled, complaining under his breath to John who was sitting by his feet. “Ehh…? What’s with the sudden switch up, old man…? You just said a minute ago Draluc was taking on these chores to pay me back…”
Ignoring his mumbling, Draluc smiled at his father. “We just ordered some takeout. It will be arriving soon. Sit down, Father, sit! Would you like a drink?” the vampire questioned, looking over. “Ah, you too, Ronaldo. Would you like something?”
Sitting at the table with Draus, Ronaldo said “Water!” at the same time Draus said “Some tea, please.” Looking over at Draluc’s father, Ronaldo couldn’t help but feel the need to impress him for some reason. He quickly became boastful. “Draus, it’s so good to see you. Things have been going so well at the agency. I’m the best hunter in the guild, they say. Besides Vamone. I discover and take down the most harmful vampires, often without assistance!” the vampire hunter elaborated, hands moving as he talked for emphasis.
“Ahem,” Draluc called from behind him, narrowing one of his eyebrows. The vampire set down the tea and water.
“Oh, ah… Yes. Your son is very helpful, too. There are times when he really saves my a– life!” Ronaldo cut himself off, smiling. I almost said ‘ass’ in front of Draluc’s father. Eh?! Why am I trying to be so polite? It doesn’t even matter.
“Sand!” Draluc choked out, collapsing into a pile. Draus chuckled at this and sipped his tea.
“Ah, Dral, you still get embarrassed and turn into sand from compliments? Haven’t you been here for a year now?” he questioned, looking over the rim of his teacup. Ronaldo shot him a questioning look which Draluc mirrored once he reformed. Draus cleared his throat, looking away. “Oh, ah, nevermind. I just… Nevermind! Anywho. My dear son, have you picked up any new games lately? I expect Ronaldo would’ve gotten you at least one or two.”
Draluc gulped, his lips thin with a small confused smile. His exasperated expression faded a little as he began talking about his latest platformer, not responding to the comment about Ronaldo. The vampire hunter stood up quickly with the excuse to tend to John. As he turned away, he let his agitated and confused facial expression show. First, Draus had given him that warm, welcoming hug. Then he began making odd comments about Draluc and Ronaldo…
Oh no.
Did Draus think they were … dating? He knew Draus was older, so maybe he wasn’t as updated on the times and customs. They were just roommates! Just… roommates. Nothing more! Although Ronaldo knew this was a fact, it put a sour feeling in his mouth for some reason. Draluc was just his roommate and friend, nothing more– so why was he feeling so defeated? Did he not appreciate the vampire’s friendship?
Deciding to not dwell on this, he knew he would immediately have to inform Draluc. This would be immensely embarrassing.
Circling back to the table with John now in his hands, he eased back into the conversation. “... Anyway, that’s what’s going on with your uncle. Nobody expected him to get with a human! But, of course, everyone was accepting. The girl is nice, too. I met her last month! Haha. I’m just glad everyone was fine with your vampire uncle getting with a human girl,” Draus finished, putting an odd emphasis on their respective species. Dral awkwardly smiled, looking over at John.
“Oh, that’s… Good, for Uncle Bastrom,” the vampire murmured, confused and feeling like the anecdote was targeted somehow. He quickly recovered and smiled as John was set on the table. “Ah, John! Greet your grandfather. It’s only polite.”
“Nuu!” the armadillo smiled, walking over to Draus and letting himself be pet.
Ronaldo watched, feeling dread set in. He would really have to tell Draluc what was going on. The embarrassment felt like sludge dripping on his shoulders as he set his hand on the vampire’s shoulder, smiling at his father.
“Um, I have to steal your son for a moment. We have to discuss something. In private,” the hunter coughed into his fist awkwardly, looking away. Draus widened his eyes suddenly then nodded.
“Oh, uh, yes. Of course. I will talk with John. Please, take your time.”
“Great!” Ronaldo said with more fake politeness, quickly dragging the shit vampire along with him to the small guest room barely the size of three combined closets. Draluc had a flush on his face as they stood in the cramped space, the door closed behind them.
The vampire struggled for composure. “R-Ronaldo, what is the meaning of this?” he murmured, attempting to cover part of his face with his cape.
The vampire hunter sighed, deflating. “It’s about your father… Eh… How do I put this? Somehow, he… He…” the white-haired man twiddled his fingers, stalling.
Draluc suddenly panicked, the color leaving his face as he dropped the edge of his cape. “What? What?! Ronaldo, is he okay?” the vampire gasped, concern flashing in his eyes. Ronaldo waved his hands.
“No, no, I’m sorry. And be quiet!” he whispered. After a moment of silence, Ronaldo continued. “Your father… He… Thinks we’re dating.”
After a beat, Draluc’s face flushed entirely red. “Wh-What?!” the vampire’s voice exploded, shocked. He quickly covered his face again. “Ah– Ah– Impossible, Ronaldo! He… I have never told him anything of the sort, I… This can’t be…” As his voice trailed off, Ronaldo knew he was recalling the odd comments Draus had been making. “...Oh. Maybe it can be.” Nervously, he dropped his cape and messed with the fabric. “Well, we should think of a plan. I don’t want to upset my father. We could just play along with his idea.”
Ronaldo was silent and stared at Draluc with wide eyes. “W-What?” the vampire laughed drily, looking back at him.
“That. Is. So. Stupid!” he whisper-yelled, hissing with annoyance. The vampire hunter clawed a hand through his hair. “But, unfortunately, I can’t think of another alternative.” Actually, Ronaldo could: simply tell Draus he had gotten it wrong. But, for whatever reason, he wanted to play along. It was so confusing.
Quickly walking out, Ronaldo coughed into his fist again and sat down by Draus. Just as he was about to start up the conversation again, a knock was heard. “Ah! The takeout! Let me get that,” Draluc offered, walking over to greet the man.
As they were talking, Draus smiled at Ronaldo. “Did you two have a nice talk?” he winked, and the vampire hunter felt himself blush again, deciding to not respond.
Draluc walked over to the table and set out all the food. They all proceeded to eat together. The dinner was peaceful; though they weren’t talking much, the food was pretty good. The decision he’d made before with Draluc plagued Ronaldo’s mind. “Ah, the takeout tastes good… Er, right, sweetie?” the vampire hunter questioned, leaning towards him slightly. Whatever tension was in Draus’ shoulders seemed to disappear at this as he chowed down more energetically.
Draluc leaned towards him in response, slurping up noodles. “Yes. And you, Father? I did get your order right, correct?” The vampire brushed off the intimacy he and Ronaldo suddenly were having. It was fake, and this fact nagged at him for some reason.
“It is! Me and John quite enjoy our food. Thank you for feeding me tonight, Dral! And Ronaldo. You know, your apartment is quite homey despite its size. It must be because of the special bond you two share. And John! Oh, I am just so relieved knowing my son is happy and being taken care of.”
Draluc seemed irritated at this, raising his tone. “Grrk! I’m being taken care of?! I do the dishes, laundry, make food, and clean the apartment!” the vampire counted off on his fingers. “All Ronaldo does is go out on patrol and entertain middle-aged women!” His face became slightly red as his repressed anger bubbled to the surface.
Draus chuckled at this, assuming it was a more light-hearted complaint. “Oh! So Ronaldo has made you the househusband, I guess?”
“Gaack!! Sand!” Draluc exclaimed in embarrassment, flushing over before he disintegrated. Ronaldo turned away in embarrassment, face red. The vampire hunter hadn’t realized it before, but Draluc had taken on the role as housekeeper while Ronaldo went out and made the roommates money with his gun and nose for vampires.
Draus chuckled, finishing his food. “I guess my son is still a little embarrassed about the whole ordeal?” he questioned, tilting his head.
“Ah– No… It’s just…” Ronaldo had had enough, watching Draluc reform with a still red face. “Draus! You have to know! It’s because we actually aren’t–”
“Married! We… We’re just dating, so, that’s why I was so caught off guard by the term house husband . Ah, we apologize if y-you thought that!” Draluc cut off the vampire hunter hurriedly for some reason.
Draluc’s father raised an eyebrow, then nodded. “Umm… Right, of course. Maybe I visited at a bad time…?” he asked awkwardly. “There has been some tension… If you two are in some sort of argument you could’ve just refused me.”
Ronaldo waved his hands, deflated. “No… We… It’s nothing. Thank you for visiting, Draus. It was good to see you,” he reassured the vampire. As Draluc and Ronaldo walked the former’s father to the door, they both received another hug and well wishes in whatever they were dealing with even as they insisted there really was nothing.
Upon the door closing, there was an awkward silence and Ronaldo became fully aware of how close he was standing to Draluc.
“Umm… My father. Do you think he enjoyed the visit?” Draluc asked as he scooted away from the vampire hunter, John walking around his feet. The vampire’s lips thinned out as he fully processed what they had just done.
Ronaldo nodded wordlessly, his eyes wide and unreadable as he shuffled back to the couch to turn on the TV. Neither of them commented on the remaining blush still present on each other’s faces. As Draluc cleaned up the trash from the takeout, John crawled onto the couch beside Ronaldo. “Nuu! Nuu!” the armadillo cutely cheered, earning a smile from the white-haired man as his face. This could be an interesting story for my book… With major edits, of course, Ronaldo thought with a grimace. After the awkwardness of the silence dissipated, Draluc suddenly spoke up.
“Ah, you know, some people never get married. They just end up living together for a long time…” the vampire started shakily. Ronaldo was confused, listening as he tilted his head over his shoulder. “The government ends up ruling them as a common-law marriage, and then, they get all the bonuses of marriage without actually being married! So basically, if we live together for a little longer, we could get some benefit on tax!” Draluc announced awkwardly, receiving an embarrassed look on Ronaldo’s face again.
“Ggh!! Idiot! We aren’t dating, we just p-pretended, you know?! Sh-shit vampire!” the vampire hunter squawked again, nervousness flooding his tone. Draluc thinned his mouth and continued.
“Ah– But, what I’m saying is, we could pretend for a little longer and receive all those benefits! Right?” he laughed nervously, turning away back into the kitchen.
“You have a weird sense of humor… But, er, whatever! Whatever you say! Now get me a soda from the fridge, househusband!” Ronaldo called over his shoulder, smirking.
“Sand!” Draluc cried, crumpling into a pile on the kitchen floor from embarrassment. That stupid nickname!
Later as they watched TV together on the couch, neither of them commented on how Ronaldo slid his hand over Draluc’s. Neither of them commented on how there may have been less pretending going on than they originally thought, either.