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The café was a brazen display of Piltover aesthetic, Viktor mused, with curved metal railings, delicate floral arrangements and soft pastel artworks adorning the walls. A mixture of homely comforts, encased in protective embellishments. Beauty accented in strength. It was deceptive in its comfort, like most of Topside.
He sat at a low-cushioned table with May, a friend, whom he had worked with some years ago on a project at the Academy before becoming Heimerdinger’s assistant. He felt fondly of her. They had grown to know one another closely over late-night conversations and weary morning starts. Still, they surprisingly hadn’t gotten onto one another’s nerves much. He missed working with her sometimes.
She had said when they finished to come to him should he ever need anything.
Now, he felt he needed something desperately.
“How do you flirt?” Viktor asked bluntly.
“Are you aiming to try with me?” May laughed. “I have bad news for you on that front, I married my wife only six months ago, if you remember.” She leaned in conspiratorially. “I haven’t quite soured in my marriage enough to give much thought to you, Viktor.”
“I’m sure both Cass and I are thankful for that.”
“So, someone’s caught your eye?” She smiled.
He remained silent, only lifting a cup to his lips and sipping his tea primly.
He was rather hoping to avoid the embarrassment of having to talk about who it was. Not that he was embarrassed of Jayce, but rather, embarrassed of his attraction to Jayce.
He felt like he did as a child, hiding. Not playing with the other children in their games, because despite inviting him, they failed to recognise that he would never be able to do what they could. He just couldn’t keep up. They would unavoidably grow frustrated with him after a time, and he would have to leave.
The shame he felt from this was borne of the intensely private knowledge that despite it all, he always wanted to play with them.
He wanted.
There had always been that distance, the understanding he must keep himself and his needs separate. The removal of his personhood, for the sake of others. The only way to spare their pity and embarrassment.
Jayce had repeatedly smashed through this notion.
Viktor didn’t think he intentionally meant to, but he had all the same. Jayce could rival his academic capacities, and their work didn’t exactly entail of parkour around the Lanes, or learning to weave, dodge and throw punches as the other undercity kids had.
Even with physically demanding work while designing the now in-development Hexgates, both Jayce and Viktor had found themselves increasingly working on the theoretical side of it. The Hexgate build was such a large project that companies were tendered to complete their construction. It was too big for just the pair of them.
The thing that made them special was their minds.
Even when they had practical work to do, their private lab granted by Heimerdinger came loaded with such state-of-the-art equipment that Viktor rarely found himself at a physical block.
Viktor found with growing alarm, that the cause of once-necessary distance from his peer had thinned. There was rarely a trigger for shame when he was with Jayce. He had crashed into his life, with an exploded apartment and brawn and brains; he consumed Viktors thoughts with Hextech. More recently, with thoughts of Jayce himself.
It was true, Viktor had cause to try flirting.
“So then,” May started, taking a sip of her drink, deciding to fill the silence. “I flirt with my presence. If I like someone, I’d hang around them. Pay attention to them. Spend time with them.”
“That won’t work, we already spend a lot of time together,” He replied grimacing.
“That’s a good sign, Viktor,” She replied, “I would probably try more intimate means of letting them know then. Hint. See if they reciprocate.”
“He only spends time with me because we’re in the lab together. And I don’t know what you mean by hints. What should I be doing?”
“Well.” May shifted in her seat leaning back comfortably, “It can be difficult if you work together. There is room for misinterpretation on that front. It could be messy if it goes wrong.”
“I know,” Viktor conceded. “I am willing to try anyway.”
Her eyes narrowed speculatively.
“Okay then.” She took a long sip of her coffee. “Flirting is all about trying to say you want to be with someone, while completely refusing to just say you want to be with them.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“I’m aware. However, it means, coming back to the hints, you can do things to let him know you’re interested, without saying you’re interested. To come at it straightforwardly could chase someone away. I also don’t think it’s the best option in this situation since you work with him.”
“Okay,” Viktor said slowly. “So, what hints?”
“You can touch him, on his shoulder or forearm maybe. Contact is good. Leave your hand for a few more moments that necessary. Eye contact is also a plus. You can always suggest something outside of work, an activity like a play or concert you want to go to. Mention that you don’t have a companion to go with, see if he suggests that he join you.”
“Dear god.” Viktor reached into his bag for his personal notebook and May started to laugh.
“Viktor, calm yourself. These are only suggestions.”
Viktor began noting her words down, ‘touch, eye contact, activities alone…’.
“Okay,” He said “I think I can use some of this”
“Taking notes?” She commented, raising her eyebrows. “You must be in deep.”
May looked at Viktor appraisingly over the rim of her cup.
“Viktor, I don’t want to sound discouraging, but I want you to be careful. I’ve known you for years and I’ve never seen you take this kind of proactive interest in someone.”
Victor’s mouth dried despite the cup of tea he had just drank. He felt his ears grow hot. Was she, embarrassed for him? He knew it was a long shot with Jayce but…
“Listen,” She continued, sensing his withdrawal, “Love can be messy. Flirting even more so, and if this guy doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, I want you to know now that is not a reflection of you. You’re brilliant Viktor. You have so much to offer. But that doesn’t mean everyone will see it.”
She reached out across the table and took his hand. She rubbed her thumb gently against him. He swallowed shallowly. His mother used to do that, he realised.
“I’m your friend, and that makes me a biased fool. I just don’t want to see you hurt.” She said.
She did pity him, Viktor realised. She thought he would be hurt. Bound to fail. It stung him, but he swallowed his pride. Removed himself and his emotions from the situation, he was well practiced in doing.
She was his friend, and she was only trying to help.
“Thank you, May.”
Back at the lab, Viktor supposed, was as good as time as any. He walked over to Jayce who had his head down, brow furrowed in concentration.
“How are you?” He asked, loudly. Physical contact. He clapped Jayce on the back in what he hoped was a bracing manner.
“Viktor!” Jayce’s head shot up. “I didn’t even hear you come in.” He looked back and forth between Viktor and Viktor’s hand, which he had left on the man’s shoulder.
Viktor hoped it wasn’t weird. May had said to leave the physical contact linger for longer than was necessary.
“Are you okay?” Jayce enquired.
He had started to sweat. Viktor removed his hand like it was burned and refrained from the urge to wipe it on his shirt. “I’m fine.”
“You’re sure?” Jayce pushed. “Nothing to report, no news or…?” He trailed off, looking at Viktor intently.
“No, not at all, just, just saying hello.” Viktor replied, cringing.
How on earth had he made things this awkward.
“Ah, well, hello then.” Jayce turned hesitantly back to his books.
Never one to be discouraged after one bad result, Viktor was determined to try again. He reasoned that the physical contact had come off as strange since he was the one initiating. Jayce was a far more tactile person than he, and it might seem strange, this sudden change to Viktor’s demeanour.
Sitting at his desk, Viktor’s mind wandered, an absent smile on his lips. Rose-tinted memories of Jayce and him figuring out a tangled theory and creating an equation with simple elegance. Being pulled into a crushing hug by the larger man, ecstatic to have found an answer to their problem. Jayce bringing Viktor coffee, resting it gently by his left-hand side and hopping onto his desk, leaning over him to see what he was working on. The smell of him. The feel of him. His closeness.
“Thinking about something nice?” Jayce asked, peering into Viktor's eyes.
Snapping back into focus, Viktor realised he’d practically been drooling, staring off into space.
“No, nothing in particular” Viktor responded frowning.
“Well then, come over here and check this out. I think I’ve cracked something new.”
Viktor picked up his cane and followed Jayce across the workshop, stopping at the other man’s bench.
“So, I was thinking…” Jayce started gesturing emphatically towards his notes.
His work was, of course, brilliant. It always was. Viktor looked at him while he was speaking. He was still paying full attention as Jayce described his methods, naturally, but he could listen and look at the man’s jawline. His eyes trailed lower. His throat. He could see the tendons moving. Was it weird to be this attracted to someone’s neck?
He wanted to lick it.
“It did explode a couple of times, but now I’ve ironed out the details.” Jayce finished, looking up at him expectantly.
“It’s good work.” The compliment was without bias. It really was good work. Viktor focused on maintaining eye contact. May had said that was also important.
Jayce didn’t respond and nor did he break eye contact. Viktor realised they had been watching each other for longer than warranted. But wasn’t that the point? Heat crept up his neck.
He cleared his throat. “I am going to make some coffee, want some?”
“No. Thanks.” Jayce replied.
Viktor steadied his cane and walked towards the door. What was that? Jayce had been watching him too. Jayce had definitely been staring.
He felt an unfamiliar buzz of happiness explode within him and threw caution to the wind.
“Do you want to come to a film with me?” Viktor asked, pausing at the door. “I have two tickets, for tomorrow night.” He clarified when Jayce didn’t respond immediately.
“Erm, yeah.” Jayce responded haltingly, clearly a bit shocked. “Which, which one?”
“There’s a late showing of one at the Piltoviar Theatre,” Viktor replied, “It’s a horror, it’s got that actress in it.”
“Oh, that one! About the haunted house?” Jayce smiled, “Yeah, sure. We can meet at the plaza nearby?”
“Sounds good.” He moved to turn away.
“Hey Viktor,” Jayce called suddenly. He looked, was he, blushing? “I don’t have something on my face, do I?”
“Alright, spill it.” May said as soon as they sat down.
“I fear I’ve made things awkward.” Viktor sighed.
“How so?” May enquired, tilting her head to one side.
“First off, I initiated the physical contact-"
“Touching him Viktor, no need to make him sound like a specimen.”
“Yes, yes, I touched him. But it was odd. I grasped his shoulder when I said hello-“
“Wait," She interrupted, "you grabbed his shoulder?”
“No,” He clarified, “I clapped him on the back and then I put my hand on his shoulder, and just, sort of, left it there.”
“Viktor,” She sighed, “In normal conversation, have you ever had anyone do that to you?”
“People don’t really tend to touch me, May.” Except for Jayce, he thought.
May paused, internally she could acknowledge that Viktor did emanate a certain air of coldness to most people. But she knew he meant no harm, it saddened her to hear him own it with such blasé frankness.
“Okay and the eye contact?”
“He asked if he had something on his face.”
“Oh dear.”
“Hey, don’t laugh at me!”
“I’m not.” She laughed, hiding her face behind her hands.
“Yes, you are!” He said reaching across and lowering them. “Traitor.”
She calmed herself, and still smiling, responded. “Okay Viktor, it was your first couple tries! It was never going to go smoothly, but you can still practice. These things take time.”
“He’s agreed to come to a film with me.”
She clapped her hands together, “Oh Viktor, that’s great!”
“Thank you.”
“I didn’t expect there to be such a development so soon!”
“Thank you?”
May relaxed, taking a sip of her coffee. “It will go well, just have fun and be yourself. Are you going out for dinner after?”
“I was planning to suggest drinks. The film starts late so I assume he’ll have eaten before it.”
“Even better,” She smiled, “God I can remember when I was that fresh with Cass. Everything was so nerve-wracking. I thought I was going to vomit on our first date. But be brave Viktor. I’m married, I need to live vicariously live through your love life now.”
He quirked his brow at her. “Are you prepared to wither away?”
“Viktor.”
“The film I am bringing him to is that new horror one.” He admitted sheepishly.
May started to cackle.
Jayce wasn’t coming, Viktor was sure of it.
He felt ridiculous. What had he been thinking? Inviting Jayce out as if they would have a fun time together. He could feel something in him shatter, shame sinking in, a foul and twisting thing. It clawed against him. He wasn’t good enough for this. His strength lay in books and science and academic rigour.
What had he been thinking?
He was just some idiot dressed up in his best clothes waiting for someone who wasn’t coming.
He could feel his breathing speed up and thought, mildly, that this may be the beginning of a panic attack. If that was the case, he needed to get out of sight, somewhere safe, before he broke down.
Jayce turned the corner and came running up the plaza. He was really sprinting. “I’m so sorry, I’m late, I had dinner with my mother, I didn’t realise the time –,” he panted, pulling up next to Viktor, he leaned down and braced against his knees, “I’m so sorry.”
He was heaving in and out breaths, and Viktor watched his broad chest expand and sink.
His chest.
“It’s alright.” Viktor said, stamping down on his emotions and imagining them crumble into oblivion. “You’re here now”
Jayce looked up at him a smile on his face “Phew, I thought you’d be furious.”
“Not at all.”
Touch, he remembered. Viktor reached out his hand and patted Jayce on the back. Jayce looked at him, his expression unreadable.
“Shall we go in?”
“Sure.”
Viktor wasn’t sure he had ever regretted sitting through anything as much as he had this damned movie. He hated horror. What was the point? The plot of all horror movies tended to fall on the characters making completely unhinged and irrational decisions throughout.
It had been worth it to be able to lean back in his seat and watch Jayce though.
Jayce held a lot of tension in his hands he realised, looking at him grip the hand rests. He could hear the music of the film. Violins scraping. An attempt at building tension, it must be getting to a scary part. He wasn’t watching. But maybe Jayce wasn’t enjoying it either, he theorised. Maybe Jayce didn’t like horror. Maybe he had only accepted to come to spend time with him. Outside of work. Where it was just the two of them.
Or, maybe he was enjoying it. It was a scary movie after all, the man was entitled to get a bit spooked. His hands looked so strong.
Viktor could imagine being held by him. Jayce wouldn’t use that sort of grip with him. No, he would be gentle.
Unless Viktor asked.
Begged.
They stood in Viktor's apartment after the film. Viktor had suggested going for a drink, but Jayce had shot him down. He wanted to be sober, whatever that meant.
But he had insisted on walking Viktor back home, which then lead to Viktor inviting him in for a cup of tea before he went on his way. Viktor could never not be greedy with Jayce’s time. He wanted to hoard it all.
He set the kettle to boil on the stove and lent against the countertop as Jayce sat down. Jayce palmed through a stack of books, picking one at random and turning it over to read the back.
“Viktor, I want to ask you something.” Jayce said, after a beat.
“Anything.”
“Why did you have two tickets to that movie tonight?” Jayce put down his book and looked at him. Viktor felt as if Jayce was looking right through him.
“I won them.” He replied blankly.
“You won them?”
In… in a raffle.” He lied. His ears had gone red. He could feel them. He also knew they were visible.
Jayce blinked, shaking his head softly. “Viktor…”
Fuck.
“No, I know, okay,” Viktor started shakily, “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” Jayce coaxed gently.
“For thinking I could spend time with you like that. Thinking I could flirt with you. For thinking you wouldn’t notice.” Viktor could feel his voice coming out in a strangled mess. He couldn’t stop it though. He felt the hot bloom of shame rise in his cheeks and his throat felt like twisted sandpaper. “I’m sorry for thinking you might like me.”
Silence fell between them.
“Sometimes, all I can think about is you,” Jayce said softly.
Viktor choked on an exhale, bringing his eyes up slowly to meet Jayce’s.
Sometimes,” Jayce continued, “I sit in the lab, and you’ll be talking to me, explaining something, and my eyes just get caught on you. Your hair, your eyes, your face.” Despite what he was saying, his mouth was tight.
“Do you even realise, how much time I have spent looking at your cheekbones” Jayce said.
Viktor let out a sob or a quiet moan. He wasn’t even sure what it was. Both, maybe.
Jayce stood up and walked towards him.
“It’s unfair,” Jayce continued, shaking his head, “You look so handsome. All the time. Even when you’ve slept in the lab, and you haven’t washed or shaved or anything. For anyone else they would look terrible. But not you.”
He was crowding Viktor now, coming right into his personal space.
“I tried to draw you. God knows it embarrasses me, but I did.” Jayce’s laugh is empty. “I thought maybe, if I could put you on paper, it would let me not think about you for more than ten seconds. “
He had braced his arms around Viktor's torso, pushing him back against the counter. Viktor swallowed dryly.
Jayce’s eyes followed the movement of Viktor's throat, then focused on his lips.
He leant down, slowly, and closed his mouth over Viktor's.
His lips were soft, softer than Viktor had imagined. He could feel the press of Jayce’s slight stubble, a pleasant scratch against his skin. They were pressed close together now, Viktor could feel just how much Jayce’s broad chest covered him. Engulfed him.
He brought his hands to Jayce’s shoulders, touching, so delicately tracing his back, his muscular arms.
Jayce moved one of his hands up, up, up, until he could snake it into Viktor’s hair. He tugged at it gently. Oh. He could feel his hair roots, his lips, his ass pressed up against the counter. He could feel the tension, like a fire-hot livewire flowing through his body. Absently, he heard his crutch clatter to the floor. It didn’t matter, he was pinned by Jayce. He was never letting go. Wrapping his hands around the man’s shoulders, he broke the kiss.
He stared at him with heavy lidded eyes.
He was going to devour that man’s neck.
“So, you don’t mind, that I tried to flirt with you?”
“It was terrible,” Jayce grinned, “I really enjoyed it.”