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It’s cold. Like really cold. As cold as it can get in Russia. Stupid Viktor and his stupid party! Why couldn’t he just send someone else! It’s not like they are his guests despite him staying with Katsudon. Poor Beka was also dragged with him. But it was nice to have him by his side alone, away from all noises and loud music. Now they were walking side by side accompanied by the falling snow and pleasant silence.
This year was like no other year before for Yuri. He had finally managed to make a friend on his own! Well…it was Beka who first approached him and offered his friendship but whatever! Yuri didn’t have friends. He was always busy with practice and competitions. His rink mates around his age were either scared or were petty and jealous of his success. If you ask Yuri about Mila then she is more like an older sister to him rather than a friend (though Yuri would die first before admitting that to her).
Being a friend was in return a new experience for Yuri. Before he didn’t much care about the opinions of others. Now he is willingly asking Otabek about his thoughts. He has learned that sometimes there is no right or wrong perspective. It’s only normal to have different opinions since they are formed through experiences. Although it’s rare that he and Beka disagree. Bake often says that he will understand better once he is older. Yuri replies that he just wants to sound smart for the sake of it.
“You really didn’t have to come and freeze your ass with me,” broke the silence Yuri.
Otabek chuckled, “I want to be a good friend and not let you freeze your ass alone, especially this late”.
“Or you wanted to escape since the party is so lame”.
“You think so? I don’t know, Chris and Viktor sure know how to perform”.
“You actually enjoyed them getting naked and telling us how gay sex works without actually telling us how gay sex works ?!?”
Otabek was now laughing. And people say he has a stoic face. What a bunch of bullshit. Beka was in fact very emotional and Yuri might even admit a very sappy guy. Though no one would ever believe him.
“I mean it’s great that they can still move like that in their early 30’s. Gives me hope that I wouldn’t be as useless as I think I will be at their age”, said Otabek.
“What ?! Beka you’re like the most talented person I’ve ever known of course you wouldn’t be useless!” exclaimed Yuri. He saw the faintest blush on Otabek’s face that most would interpret was caused by the cold but Yuri knew how to read Otabek’s expressions by now. See, what a sap!
“Well anyway how much longer till we reach the store?” Otabek brushed off the topic and was now facing ahead.
“Once we turn to the right it should be there in the corner. It’s like a small market that you can find anything”
Once again they were walking in silence. Yuri was secretly enjoying the sensation and the sound of the snow crunching under his feet. Two more steps and they would be in front of the store…..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Otabek was picking up the alcohol while Yuri got distracted by the idea of cheating on his diet with his favorite snacks which were the jelly bananas the taste of which only Yuri would like. Otabek fondly threw his gaze at him which held longing in it while remembering how it all started.
It was during summer camp. He felt humiliated to be less advanced in skating than his peers that his superiors felt the need to put him with children 3 years younger than himself. But then Otabek saw him. Sunlight flowed through his hair making it shine and appear as gold. Eyes two strong gems sharpened with determination of a soldier ready to strike their target. From then on Otabek stopped treating the summer camp as a children's playground and accepted it as a battlefield.
At first Otabek wanted some sort of form of acknowledgment. To exist in the orbit of Yuri’s - the little soldier’s life. He became obsessed with the little soldier. Wanted to prove that he was worthy of his attention. He wished that Yuri would just look at his face and recognize it if he saw it again.
As years passed, just the acknowledgement wasn’t enough. Otabek wanted to know more about him. What was his taste in music, what made him laugh, what made him cry, which movies did he like, and anything that he could get to know. He wanted friendship. So Otabek didn’t let this time to blow away his chance at their second reconciliation.
Truth to be told, Otabek didn’t know what he wanted more - to win gold for his motherland or to become friends with the Ice Tiger.
Otabek knows that he will remember as long as he lives the moment when he concealed their friendship with the hand shake. Thousands of butterflies clapped their wings all over his body when the strong emeralds finally shone upon him with softness in their light. He didn’t know that Yuri could have that kind of expression. The boy was always depicted with a serious face or a scowl. Otabek felt special for receiving the look Yuri was giving him. Maybe it’s because they are friends now.
It’s odd that after so long of wanting to hear Yuri refer to him as a friend, the word now puts a new wall between them. Otabek felt guilty. He felt guilty of his greed, of wanting more, of the fact that he was hopelessly and incurably in love with his friend.
Maybe admiring him from afar, never meeting him again or reminding him of their past and forcing his friendship wasn’t bad at all. That way he would never memorize his smile, the sound of his laugh, the soft face when he cuddled his cat. He wouldn’t feel those burning sensations whenever they touched. He wouldn’t be awake at nights thinking about how his lips would feel pressed against his own.
It’s all his fault really. Wanting to be a good friend and accompany him. Who was he kidding, himself? What Otabek really wanted was to steal Yuri away from everyone. To have him for himself even just for a little time. Selfish that’s what he is.
And Yuri is still young. Only sixteen. He needs a friend, not a lover. Being in a relationship is already complicated, especially when so young. Otabek wasn’t gonna make himself a burden for Yuri when he was already so busy with skating. He will keep it to himself this time. He has decided not to cross this line.
“Beka if I buy these please don’t tell anyone”, pleaded with his eyes Yuri. He could ask anything he wanted and Otabek would give him.
“I won’t but at least don’t eat them this late”
“Please stop sounding like Viktor or I might throw up”, Yuri grimaced to imitate.
Otabek huffed a chuckle and paid for their stuff as Yuri snatched the bags before he could get them.
“Since you’ve paid for this I’ll carry them”, announced Yuri.
“Yura just because I bought doesn’t mean you have to repay me somehow”, he pouted.
“No I’m just trying to show you how strong I am by carrying six bottles of vodka”, said Yuri in defense. His attempt at masking his kindness was adorable.
“And two packs of jelly bananas”
“Oh shut up!” blushed Yuri. Otabek wanted to kiss him.
“You know I have no doubts about your strength Yura. You don’t have to prove to me anything”, Otabek’s words provoked a reaction which turned the color from pink to red. He scooted to his right because he wanted to be closer to Yuri.
“Don’t say embarrassing stuff like that”, mumbled Yuri, “And people won’t even believe me when I call you a big dorky sap!”
It was so easy for Yuri to steal laughs and smiles from and yet he was oblivious of this.
“Ah fuck I already can’t feel my hands! It’s all because of Viktor and his stupid party!”
His hands were moving on their accord as if he was possessed. They reached for the begs and put them on the ground. Next they took his hands. Otabek wordless brought them close to his mouth to blow some warm air. He was mortified to speak because the fact that Yuri didn’t jerk his hands away was a miracle in Otabek’s mind.
Maybe this is because of the lack of experience of having a friend that Yuri allowed his actions to happen. Maybe he thought this intimate gesture was common amongst friends and Otabek was taking advantage of him. But Otabek couldn’t help. He was only human after all. Please let him be permitted to this bare minimum. He knows he can’t have him so just making these memories to cherish, please someone tell him that he is allowed.
Eventually Otabek looked up to Yuri’s face and was praying that he wouldn’t see disgust or any sign of discomfort.
For a moment Otabek felt the word stop. Yuri was looking at him with an expression which was alien yet so familiar to him. He couldn’t put a name to it. It took all his thoughts and words and threw them away. It ripped his chest open so he no longer could keep in secret what was hidden on the inside.
It was an act of impulse, a brief moment of resolve, “Yura I lo-“
Thousands of sparks spread out across the sky with a loud crack. Their attention now occupied the fireworks coming most likely from Viktor’s house.
“Those fuckheads had fireworks with them!?” Yuri’s voice rang louder than the fireworks. And just like that Otabek came back to reality.
“Then we better hurry up and not miss out on all the fun”, Otabek took the bags to carry.
“Hey, give them back!”
“Yura, I don't want you to freeze your hands. And since I’m wearing gloves that shouldn’t be a problem for me”
“Okay fine”, Yuri rolled his eyes.
The fireworks weren’t stopping as they walked. They were quite beautiful and entertaining. Otabek was trying to guess what shape or which color the next one would be when Yuri interrupted.
“Hey Beka what were you saying earlier”
“Ah, I just wanted to know if we were already close to the house,” Otabek lied.