Chapter Text
In the past 24 hours, Junpei’s entire life had been upended around him. Right after it seemed like it had been improving for the first time in months. At this point, he was convinced that the world was hellbent on paying him retribution for every tiny victory he faced.
First he makes his first real friend in ages, and then his mother dies that night.
It was like a bad joke.
His world had started to fall apart after then. He stopped caring about the lives of other people, stopped caring about what would happen if he didn’t hold back anymore. Mahito-san had said that people deserved to take whatever lives they pleased, hadn’t he? It was just a matter of nature. Par for the course. No one had the right to stop him, and if they tried, he could kill them too. There was logical no reason why he should have a problem with it.
So then why was he kneeling on the cold, hard floor of his old school, tears streaking down his face and his hands cupped between those of Yuji Itadori? He hadn’t come here to cry and regret and grieve, he’d come here to pay what was due to the people who had cursed him and his mother.
But then Yuji had asked him what was wrong, and listened to what happened. He had started denouncing his pessimistic view of the world. He talked about Junpei like he was actually a good person, who was lost and confused and sad. About his school, full of people who could help him with what was going on…
And now all Junpei wanted to do was dissolve into a puddle and weep and cry out for his mom. Why had all of this happened to him? It just wasn’t fair.
He desperately wished that the anger he'd felt after first walking into the school would return to him. Before he had been filled with fire and adrenaline and a need for vengeance, but now he felt hollow. This hopeless feeling in the pit of his stomach was awful. All he wanted to do was punish the people who deserved it, but now he didn't even feel the motivation to do that. He just wanted everything to go back to normal. He just wanted everything to be... fixed. He wanted to hug his mom and go home and watch movies. Why was something that had once seemed so simple now so distant?
He realized suddenly that he was crying again. But Yuji didn’t seem bothered or annoyed by it. In fact, his eyes were heartbreakingly patient. He held onto Junpei’s hands gently, not showing any signs of letting go.
“What do you want to do?” Yuji asked quietly. “I think going back to the school with me might help, but… it’s really up to you.”
He was silent for a moment. The only sound that permeated the air was Junpei’s choked sobs and sniffles.
“I wish I could help you more. I do. You… don’t deserve any of this…” Yuji continued.
Another silence, much longer. Junpei’s sobs slowly dissipated. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve. Yuji clutched his other hand when he did.
“I-I don’t know what to do…” Junpei whispered. “B-but…” he looked around the dark school. It wasn’t night, but the sky had been filled with inky blackness after he’d entered. He remembered Mahito-san had taught him about this kind of thing. It was a veil. It wasn't just this that gave the school an oppressive atmosphere though. Bad memories combined with the fact that half the student body was unconscious in the gym - because of him - made it even worse. He didn't want revenge anymore. Whatever engine that had been driving his rage had sputtered out. Now there was only guilt.
“…I don’t want to stay here.” he finished, looking Yuji in the eyes. “B-but I hurt people…” he spoke up again, suddenly. “Will… they be okay?”
Yuji looked at him, squeezed Junpei’s hands in his own, and gave him a firm nod. “Someone else can worry about that. It’s not your fault, okay?”
Junpei doubted it, but he nodded anyway.
“We need to get out of here, though. You’re right. There’s a special-grade curse in here. It’s dangerous.”
“Are… you talking about Mahito-san?” Junpei said. “He’s not a bad-”
Not a bad person.
He stopped mid-sentence, his blood going cold. The more he thought about it, the more nonsensical the statement seemed. He’d seen the dozens of humans the curse had killed and tormented, and knew that there were probably hundreds more. Maybe thousands. He’d listened to him spout his ideas about the worthlessness of human life, and Junpei had even begun to buy into them himself.
Hell, those sentiments were the only reason he was here now, right? Mahito had been the one to tell him that human lives were fine to be taken as he pleased.
He’d let himself be manipulated by the curse for weeks, and for what? So that he could become stronger? So that he could spend time with the one person besides his mom who even pretended to care about him?
Junpei couldn’t escape the sounds of the anguished, still-alive humans that Mahito had transfigured. The feeling of Mahito’s cold fingers. The stink of death on his clothes that eventually started following Junpei home.
He wanted to throw up.
He must have gone pale, because Yuji looked at him with confusion. “‘San’?” he repeated. “Do you know it? …Him?”
Reluctantly, Junpei gave a small nod. “…Sorry, I lied about not seeing anything the day we met. I was in the theater when he killed… those… people… He taught me how to…” A small jellyfish appeared above his hand when he held it out. The hum of cursed energy that had once filled him with a feeling of triumph only made him more disgusted with himself.
“Okay, you know what? We have to get out of here. I’m sure it’s not your fault for getting involved with that guy, but you can tell me more about it later,” said Yuji.
Junpei was thinking of how he really didn’t want to talk about it later at all, when suddenly Yuji scooped him up in his arms - with surprisingly little trouble - and started running down the halls before he could protest. Instinctively, Junpei wrapped his arms around his friend’s neck so that he wouldn’t risk falling. Catching him looking up at his face in awe, Yuji grinned.
“Hold on, alright? We’ll meet with my mentor later. Right now we just have to get out of here.”
Junpei nodded. “You don’t have to carry me. I think I’m okay to run. And you’re… you’re wounded.”
He looked at the two large holes that his own shikigami had created by stabbing Yuji in the abdomen. The sorcerer hadn’t even tried to dodge, he had just stood there like an idiot, asking Junpei to tell him what was wrong. He still felt awful about it.
Yuji shrugged. “I'm alright. But if you think you can keep up, then sure.”
The ground was racing past. However nonchalant he was about it, Yuji had almost superhuman speed.
Junpei clung tighter to his friend in response, who laughed and continued to race ahead.