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Ranboo loves school.
Now, most other 17-year-olds would say the exact opposite. Then again, most other 17-year-olds don’t go to Essempee High, which is, in Ranboo’s opinion, the best high school in the world. The classes are great, the students are great, the teachers are absolutely awesome, and the school food actually doesn’t suck. It’s like heaven but educational.
Oh, and of course, he can’t forget about the love triangle- well, more like love line. Yes, Essempee High has a simmering romance, and not between the students. The (supposed) romance is between two of the teachers.
See, Ranboo has 2 favorite teachers. One of them is Mr. Blade, the English teacher, whom Ranboo likes for his dry humor, calm demeanor, and ability to make almost everything funny. The other is Mr. Dream (he’d insisted on the first day that everyone call him by his first name), the chemistry teacher, whose bright and bubbly personality, wheezing laugh, and kindness make his class extremely enjoyable. They’re the school’s most well known teachers, partially because of their coolness, mostly because of their strange relationship. Mr. Blade claims they’re rivals, Mr. Dream claims they’re friends, and all the students and other teachers think they’re lovers and secretly ship them.
Ranboo doesn’t think that they’re in a relationship, though. Sure, the two teachers are always friendly to each other despite their supposed rivalry, and sure, sometimes they’ll exchange small smiles across the cafeteria, and sure, neither of them are straight (Mr. Dream openly wears a pansexual pride pin and Mr. Blade has stated multiple times that he’s bi), but none of that means anything. Heck, half of the teachers at Essempee High are LGBTQ+. Mr. Dream and Mr. Blade are just good friends. That’s Ranboo’s theory, and he’s sticking with it, no matter what his friends think.
Soon enough, however, that begins to change.
---
Ranboo is sitting in English, dutifully taking notes, when the door opens. Mr. Dream steps in, his blonde hair much messier than usual. In his hand he clutches a small lunch bag.
“Go away, nerd, I’m teachin’,” Mr. Blade says without looking away from the board.
Mr. Dream lets out one of his characteristic wheezes. “You sure about that, Techno?” he asks, using Mr. Blade’s first name. “I have your lunch.”
“Oh.” Mr. Blade sets down the marker and walks over to the door. He takes the lunch bag from Mr. Dream. “Must’ve forgotten it.”
“Obviously you did, Techno, otherwise I wouldn’t have it.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Mr. Blade rolls his eyes, but his tone is fond. “What happened to your hair, nerd? It looks even uglier than usual.”
“One of my students almost blew up the lab,” Dream replies casually. He makes eye contact with one of Ranboo’s classmates and winks. “Hey Fundy, next time you see your friend, tell him not to mix ammonium nitrate and sodium hydroxide, yeah?”
“Yes sir,” Fundy squeaks.
“Cool. Well, I gotta go. Bye, Tech.”
“Please do,” Mr. Blade deadpans. Mr. Dream throws him a smirk before leaving, shutting the door behind him.
The class immediately explodes into chatter. One kid stands up and yells, “Why did Mr. Dream have your lunch, Mr. Blade?”
“How should I know why the teletubby had my lunch?” Mr. Blade wonders, and Ranboo silently snorts. Even after 2 months in senior year, he still hasn’t gotten over the fact that Mr. Blade calls Mr. Dream a ‘homeless teletubby’. “Anyways, back to the lesson.”
“Awww,” someone groans. “Can’t we have a lesson on what’s going on between you and Mr. Dream instead?”
“Nothin’s goin’ on with me and Mr. Dream,” Mr. Blade replies calmly. “As I was sayin’, back to the lesson.” He walks back over to the board and picks up the marker again. “And since we’ve wasted some of our class time, I’m givin’ you all extra homework.”
Everyone groans at that, even Ranboo. No one argues, though. That’s the thing about Mr. Blade- he’s a cool, funny, but strict teacher, strict enough that none of his students ever complain. And if Ranboo’s honest, he kinda likes that about the English professor. It makes for a much less noisy and chaotic class.
Soon, the bell rings. Ranboo puts all his stuff away, bids goodbye to Mr. Blade, and leaves for his next class. As he shoves his way through the crowded hall, he can’t help but wonder how Mr. Dream got a hold of Mr. Blade’s lunch. The only way Ranboo can think of is if Mr. Dream and Mr. Blade live together, and there’s no way that’s true. They’re friends or friendly rivals, not a couple, and certainly not married. Ranboo’s sure of it.
Right?
Yeah.
Right.
---
A few days after the English incident, Ranboo is in chemistry. It’s near the end of the class period, and he and Tommy are cleaning up their materials. As they’re putting away the beakers (well, more like Ranboo is putting away the beakers- Tommy is busy trying to flick water everywhere), Mr. Dream calls for attention. Everyone immediately freezes and turns around to look at the front of the room.
“Alright, everyone, listen up,” Mr. Dream says. “I’m happy to announce that Mr. Blade and I have started a club. It’s a fencing club, and I think the name is self-explanatory. Anyone who’s interested should come to the meeting today, which will be in the gym. We’ll explain everything there.”
The class breaks out in whispers and murmurs. “Woah, fencing,” Tommy breathes. “Cool.”
“Are you going to join?” Ranboo questions his friend.
“Duh. I wanna show Mr. Dream and Mr. Blade how cool I am.” Tommy grins, exposing his braces, and rubs his hands together. “You should join too, big man.”
Ranboo shrugs. “Sure, why not.” He doesn’t have anything else this afternoon, and fencing would be a cool way to spend his free time.
The bell rings, and everyone begins to pack up. “Oh, and don’t forget,” Mr. Dream calls out over the squealing of chairs and rustling of notebooks. “Tomorrow’s Friday, and you know what that means.”
Ranboo smiles. Mr. Dream has a tradition of doing something he calls ‘Fire Friday’. It’s where he and the junior chemistry teacher, Mr. Sapnap, spend a few minutes setting something on fire for each class period to see. Some days it’s rubbing alcohol, and some days it’s paper from the recycling bin. Once Mr. Dream had brought in a dead rat and let it burn. That day was one of the best days in Ranboo’s school career.
He hoists his backpack over his shoulder and follows Tommy out of the classroom. He only has 2 more periods to go through, and then he can head to the fencing club meeting in the gym. It’s exciting, even though he’s never done fencing before.
2 classes later, Ranboo leaves his Spanish classroom and makes a beeline to the gym. Fortunately for him, it’s only one turn away. He pushes the door open, enters, and joins Tommy on the bleachers to wait for the meeting to begin.
A few minutes and a couple of kids later, Mr. Dream and Mr. Blade enter. They’re carrying a large crate which contains… swords? Ranboo’s not sure. The weapons definitely aren’t broadswords or longswords. They also look very much real.
“Alright!” Mr. Dream sets down the crates, rubs his hands together, and smiles. “Gather round, everyone.”
Mr. Blade snorts. “What are you, Professor Lockhart?”
“Yes, this is the Dueling Club. We’re going to teach you all how to cast terrible curses at each other.”
Ranboo laughs softly at the joke as he comes to stand around the crate with the 10 or so other kids. See, this is why he loves his teachers.
“Ok, let’s get serious,” Mr. Dream says. He glances up at Mr. Blade (yes, up- there’s at least a 7 inch height difference between the two teachers). “Do you wanna explain, or should I?”
“I’ll do it,” Mr. Blade replies. He tosses a strand of pink hair over his shoulder and picks up a sword from a crate. “There are three types of weapons in fencin’: sabre, foil, and epee. The rules for each one are the same, but the technique is very different. In this club, we’re goin’ to be usin’ sabres because they’re the coolest.”
Tommy raises his hand. “Mr. Blade? Are those real?”
“Yes, they’re real, but we’ve put paddin’ on the points, so you shouldn’t get hurt. Anyways, you all are goin’ to learn how to fence in this club. If you already know, you’ll get the chance to build your skills and challenge the best of the best.”
“Who’s that?” Ranboo asks.
“Me,” Mr. Dream says, grinning.
“In your dreams, nerd,” Mr. Blade calmly replies. “I’m the best.”
“Nuh uh. I beat you yesterday and you know it.”
“You got lucky.”
“Did not.”
“Did too. As I was sayin’ , that is what we’ll be doin’ in this club. Today is just an info meetin’, so you won’t be doin’ any fencin’ yet. Instead, you’ll get to watch the professionals do it. And by professionals, I mean me and Mr. Dream.”
“You guys know how to fence?” someone interrupts.
Mr. Blade raises an elegant eyebrow. “Yes. Would we be doin’ this club if we didn’t?”
“Are you guys fencing rivals?” someone else asks.
Mr. Dream grins. “Yep. He’s been my fencing partner since we were in high school.”
“And I’m clearly the superior one,” Mr. Blade says.
“No, I am. You fear me.”
“Why would I fear a homeless teletubbie?”
“You’re one to talk, piggy.”
“Green blob.”
“Baconstrips.”
“Ripoff Fruit Berries,” Mr. Blade retorts, referencing one of the gym coaches.
“Hey!” Mr. Dream exclaims indignantly. “That’s a little too far.”
Tommy catches Ranboo’s gaze and wiggles his eyebrows. Ranboo laughs in response. It is rather amusing how Mr. Blade and Mr. Dream playfully tease each other. If Ranboo didn’t know any better, he’d say that they argue like a married couple.
But they’re not a married couple. Right?
“Alright, everyone, watch and learn,” Mr. Dream calls. Ranboo zones back in to see the chemistry teacher gripping a sabre and standing across from Mr. Blade, who’s also holding a sabre. The two get into what must be fighting stance. For a moment, they simply eye each other. And then they attack.
The next few minutes are a whirl of movement. The 2 teachers move so fast that Ranboo can’t keep up. All he can see is a flash of metal here, a flicker of pink hair there. His mouth drops open slightly as his eyes dart back and forth, trying to watch. “Woah,” he hears Tommy breathe from his side. “That is bloody sick.”
Something clatters to the ground. Moments later, Mr. Dream is holding his sabre against Mr. Blade’s throat. “I win,” he declares triumphantly.
Mr. Blade smiles- smiles . In all his time at this school and in senior year, Ranboo has never seen his English teacher smile. Maybe once, but that’s it. Wow , he thinks to himself. Mr. Dream must be really special if he can make Mr. Blade smile. Their relationship must be close. Probably just good friends, though . He still doesn’t believe that Mr. Blade and Mr. Dream are in any sort of romantic relationship.
“Any questions?” Mr. Dream asks, lowering his sabre. “Good fight by the way, Techno.”
Ranboo raises his hand. When Mr. Dream points at him, he asks, “Do we have to know how to do that?”
“‘Course not,” Mr. Blade replies. “We’ll teach you. It takes years of practice to get to that level, but you can do it with enough determination.” Then, of course, like he always does, the English teacher finishes off with a Sun Tzu quote. “‘If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles’.”
“Techno, that has nothing to do with fencing,” Mr. Dream deadpans, crossing his arms and shaking his head fondly.
“Irrelevant.”
“You’re an idiot. Anyways, any more questions?”
“Is that an affectionate ‘idiot’ or a derogatory ‘idiot’?” Tommy calls.
Mr. Dream wheezes and gives Tommy a mysterious wink. “That’s up to you to decide,” he says. “Well, if there aren’t any more questions, I think we’ll end the meeting here. If you’re interested in continuing this club, the next meeting will be 2 weeks from now. Bring a water bottle, and that’s it. See you all tomorrow!”
“Bye, Mr. Blade. Bye, Mr. Dream.” Ranboo waves goodbye to his teachers before leaving with Tommy.
“Man, that was epic,” Tommy says as they leave the building. “I’m definitely going back. How ‘bout you, big man?”
“Of course,” Ranboo agrees. “That was really cool.”
“Mr. Blade and Mr. Dream argue like a married couple, don’t they? That’s, like, stage 10 relationship sh*t right there.”
Ranboo laughs. “I guess,” he says. “They’re not married, though.”
“Imagine if they were,” Tommy chuckles. “That’d be real funny.”
“Yeah,” Ranboo murmurs. He glances back, and when he strains his ears, he can hear the faint sound of wheezing. “Yeah, it would.”
---
It’s December, which only means one thing- Winterball. And, of course, like all other things, Winterball at Essempee High is different. For one thing, the teachers participate. For another, the decorations are phenomenal. And to top it all off, there’s free ice cream.
Ranboo adjusts his suit as he waits for Tubbo and Tommy to arrive. They’d coordinated their outfits to be the same style but different colors. While Ranboo’s suit is gold, Tubbo’s will be green and Tommy’s red. Christmas colors, in honor of the upcoming holiday.
“Bossman!” Tubbo yells, suddenly flying out of nowhere. His green suit shimmers under the light as he gives Ranboo a big hug. “You look good!”
“Why thank you,” Ranboo says cheekily.
“I look the best, clearly,” Tommy announces as he strides in. “Just look at me, boys. Aren’t I dashing? Surely I’ll get a girlfriend like this.”
Tubbo gives Tommy a thumbs up. “Yep. Totally.”
“Guys, let’s go get ice cream,” Ranboo suggests. “We can walk around and look at everyone’s outfits. That’s always fun.”
“Good idea, big man,” Tommy agrees. So the three walk over to the stand that had been set up for ice cream. They each get a cone- banana for Ranboo, strawberry for Tubbo, vanilla for Tommy- and make their way around the gym, looking at the various different outfits.
Ranboo pays special attention to the teachers’ outfits because those are always good. Mr. Karl, the math teacher, is in an elf costume. Mr. Illumina, one of the gym coaches, is wearing a Santa outfit, complete with a fake beard. Ms. Niki, the cooking teacher, and Captain Puffy, the art teacher, are matching in their candy cane outfits. Even Principal Phil is dressed up in in a teal and white version of his usual clothes.
Just then, the doors to the gym open. Everyone turns around and collectively gasps as Mr. Blade walks in wearing a Santa outfit, minus the beard. In his arms is Mr. Dream, dressed in a female Santa outfit and clutching a sack. Both are wearing matching Santa hats and smirks.
“What the f*ck,” Tommy breathes.
“Mr. Dream looks good in that outfit, doesn’t he?” Tubbo says nonchalantly.
“Yeah,” Ranboo murmurs. He watches as Mr. Blade makes his way down to the snack table and sets Mr. Dream down. The chemistry teacher opens the sack and dumps a whole pile of candy canes onto the table with a cheerful “come and get it!”
“Candy canes!” Tommy sprints off to hoard sugar, and Tubbo follows him, leaving Ranboo to stand and stare. The way Mr. Blade was carrying Mr. Dream, the matching outfits, the implication that Mr. Blade is Santa Claus and Mr. Dream is Mrs. Claus…
Ranboo’s theory that the two teachers aren’t in a romantic relationship is getting harder and harder to prove, isn’t it?
He still wants to believe that they’re only friends, but… they do act super close. And they bicker like a married couple. And they’re wearing matching couple’s outfits. And Mr. Blade was bridal carrying Mr. Dream. All the signs scream married couple!!!!
Don’t jump to conclusions , Ranboo tells himself sternly. Maybe they’re just really, really, REALLY good friends .
Somehow, that explanation falls a little short.
Later, after Professor Eret has been crowned as Winterball King and Winterball Queen, and Tommy almost throws up from consuming too much sugar, and Principal Phil slow dances with his wife in the middle of the floor, Ranboo calls it a night and leaves. He bids goodbye to his best friends and texts his mom to pick him up. As he waits, he thinks about Mr. Blade and Mr. Dream. Could it be that they actually are married?
“No, they can’t be,” Ranboo says out loud. “Right?”
No one answers him.
“Yeah,” he says, much more quietly this time. “Right.”
For some reason, he doesn’t quite believe himself.
---
After Winterball and holiday break, school goes back to the usual routine. January quickly passes, then February. And then in March, things start getting a little hectic again, for it’s time for the school play.
Essempee High has a tradition of putting on 2 plays every early April. Both are the same play, but one is performed by students while the other is performed by the teachers. The 2 plays are performed on the same weekend, one on Saturday, one on Sunday, and at the end, a panel of judges rates which one was better. The students usually win, probably because of bias, but it’s a fun tradition nonetheless.
Usually, Ranboo doesn’t participate in school plays. This time, though, it’s Romeo and Juliet, one of his favorite Shakespeare stories, and he’s feeling bold. So he signs up, auditions, and lands the role of Tybalt. Some girl and boy are Romeo and Juliet, Tommy is Mercutio, and Tubbo is Friar Lawrence.
The weekend after the auditions, the cast for both plays come out. Ranboo doesn’t look at the student one much because he already knows who’s playing who. The teacher one, however, he takes the time to read. His eyes widen as he sees the two names at the top.
Apparently, Mr. Blade is playing Romeo, Mr. Dream is playing Juliet, Romeo and Juliet kiss at the end, and Ranboo’s not sure what to do with this information.
In plays like this, any kiss scenes are allowed to be cheek or forehead only. And usually, both students and teachers stick to non-lip kisses. But if Mr. Blade and Mr. Dream kiss on the lips, would that mean that they’re married?
Not necessarily , Ranboo tells himself. Best friends kiss each other all the time. Mr. Sapnap, who is Mr. Dream’s childhood best friend, has mentioned kissing the chemistry teacher when they were in college. Heck, Ranboo wouldn’t hesitate to kiss Tubbo if he was dared to. If Mr. Blade and Mr. Dream kiss, even on the lips, it doesn’t mean they’re in a romantic relationship.
But Ranboo has to admit that if they do, with all the other evidence, it probably does mean that they are romantically involved. There’s still a chance that they’re not, though. Maybe he’s just misinterpreting the situation, never mind the fact that that would mean 80% of the school is doing the same.
And then play weekend rolls around. On Saturday, Ranboo heads to school early to help set up the stage. About an hour before the play, he does one last mini-practice and dons his outfit. When it’s his turn to act, he goes out on stage and plays out his part. Thankfully, he remembers all his lines, and he delivers them perfectly. The play ends with a standing ovation from the audience, and Ranboo feels extremely proud of him as he files back into the changing room to change.
Sunday brings the teacher’s play. Ranboo finds a spot between Tommy and Tubbo, and they settle in to watch.
“Do you think Mr. Blade and Mr. Dream are going to kiss on the lips?” Tubbo hisses.
Ranboo shrugs. “Dunno,” he says. “Maybe, maybe not.”
“They probably will,” Tommy says. “They’re married.”
“You don’t know that,” Ranboo argues.
“But it’s likely,” Tommy fires back. “Have you seen them lately? They waltzed to Vivaldi in the cafeteria last week! And Mr. Wilbur mentioned them being cute together, and he’s Mr. Blade’s brother!”
Ranboo doesn’t have a counter-argument for that, so he turns his eyes to the stage instead. And just in time- the curtains open, revealing Mr. Wilbur, the drama and music teacher. Mr. Wilbur says a few words (including a mysterious “There’ll be an announcement at the end of the play, so stay tuned”), steps away, and with that, the play begins.
Plot and costume wise, it’s the exact same as the student play. Ranboo realizes very quickly that Mr. Dream is an extremely good Juliet. The chemistry teacher looks nice in the dress, speaks his lines easily, and even flutters his eyelashes a few times. Likewise, Mr. Blade is a good Romeo, speaking smoothly and nailing the appropriate facial expressions.
The play moves along quickly. Ranboo has a few good laughs when Mr. Sapnap falls down, pretending to be dead, and almost topples off the stage. He claps when Principal Phil comes out on stage as Friar Lawrence. During the more boring parts, he, Tubbo, and Tommy whisper and snicker to each other.
And then the final part comes. Mr. Blade finds Mr. Dream’s “dead” body, drinks the poison (really just dyed water), and collapses. Moments later, Mr. Dream wakes up and drops to his knees at Mr. Blade’s side. “Oh, Romeo!” he cries dramatically. “Do not fear, my love. I’m coming.” He leans down…
… and kisses Mr. Blade smack on the lips.
Everyone gasps. Ranboo feels his mouth drop open in shock. Tommy splutters out a curse. Tubbo yelps. From the back of the auditorium, someone screams, “WHAT THE F-”
Mr. Blade’s eyes flutter open. The English teacher sits up, his lips still connected to Mr. Dream. In one fluid motion, the 2 teachers separate and pull matching golden rings out of their pockets. Mr. Blade slips one onto Mr. Dream’s finger, and Mr. Dream does the same to Mr. Blade.
“What?” Ranboo gasps as Tubbo makes an unintelligible screeching sound.
“The f*ck?” Tommy exclaims. “They’re married?”
“Yes, we are, Tommy,” Mr. Dream calls down, smiling. “There you are, the answer to the mystery you’ve all been trying to solve. Techno and I are married.”
“Yeah, you can stop askin’ us now,” Mr. Blade says.
“And that concludes the play!” Mr. Wilbur announces, stepping out. “Have a good night, everyone!”
The curtains lower, concealing the teachers from sight. For a moment, the auditorium is silent. Then, everyone breaks out into whispers. And Ranboo simply sits there, a smile slowly growing on his face.
So they are married , he muses silently. Wow .
Senior year just got a whole lot more interesting.