Work Text:
december 22nd, 2013
“if i know what it is then it’s no fun.”
“it’s fun anyway. at least that way i don’t get it wrong!”
haru rolls his eyes, although that does little to hide his amusement.
the store smells like peppermint, a scent that’s both refreshing and oddly comforting. definitely a good thing for the pedestrians that walk across the store and are drawn in by it, just like them.
akifumi was craving candy canes the moment they stepped into the small business, but he seems to have forgotten by now. haru doesn’t really feel like saying anything, he doesn’t really want to interrupt his friend’s reverie.
slightly out of character, his partner ismarveling over something that is very far away from looking like it fits in with the christmas decorations surrounding them. the moment his steel blue eyes had first set their gaze on it, he had made a beeline towards the back of the store, ignoring every other item on display while haru cluelessly followed suit.
while he’s at it, haru simply focuses on the task at hand, something he sometimes thinks he never actually does, and wanders through the store looking for something and nothing at all. his gaze lingers on several reindeer-themed toys for a few seconds, then the very dad-like mugs catch his attention. he silently scans them all, reading the very… cheesy? inscriptions on each one of them.
he hears akifumi approach from behind him, and the cushioned footsteps of his rundown sneakers merge with the beat of the christmas song playing from the radio neatly placed in a stool in a corner of the store.
deck the halls with boughs of holly…
‘tis the season to be jolly…
with great care, haru takes one of the mugs in his hand. it’s all blue, with white snow patterns all over it, and it’s handle is made to look akin to a white and red scarf. the inscription on it is in english, so he can’t really read it, but he decides that if gami-san doesn’t like it he can just use the language barrier as an excuse.
akifumi abruptly pushes him from behind, although not enough to make him fall. haru barely moves, because he was expecting him to do that for once, yet his fingers grip tighter onto the mug.
“better luck next time,” he teases, turning around to face him. akifumi’s eyes drop down to the mug almost immediately. “what about this one? it looks kinda… his style, i guess.”
the dark-haired man bursts out laughing, clutching his stomach in the process. haru simply stares at him dumbfounded, not knowing what to say or do, nor aware of the cause of his best friend’s sudden fit of laughter.
“hey, what’s so funny?!”
akifumi’s episode subsided to a small giggle that haru can’t help but replay inside his mind. it sounds like music, almost like birds chirping.
but it’s ephemeral, and it soon vanishes.
“oh man,” he says, patting the blond’s shoulder as he wipes an actual tear out of the corner of his eye. “if his english is better than yours then he’s gonna love it.”
“oi, what do you mean by that?”
“figure it out, sherlock.”
haru stares at him for a few seconds, a frown adorning his face. his partner flicks his forehead to snap him out of it —actually infuriating him more in the process instead— and takes the mug off his hands before wrapping an arm around his shoulders and squeezing tight.
“we’ll get this wrapped later. now come, i want you to get your gift.”
“i told you it’s no fun if i know what it is before christmas!” haru reiterates, although he does not show anything but compliance at being dragged to the back of the store once again.
there’s a small, very thin mirror, and akifumi has him stand in front of it while he sets the mug on one of the shelves and gets his so-called christmas gifts from somewhere between a few articles of clothing.
“close your eyes.”
“aki, i swear—“
“come on! do it for me now, huh?” he says, and the blond feels compelled to obey without any retorts. akifumi speaks to him anyway, “i just want you to have it now. in case we can’t make actual plans on christmas.”
his voice sounds a bit down than usual, as if fearing his own hypothesis. in other circumstances, haru would have laughed at such negativity, but he actually frowns at his words nevertheless.
“what do you mean?” he asks.
and he gets no answer at all.
akifumi’s hands run over his shoulders for a few seconds, and his touch is gentle and soft. haru thinks he may melt under it, until he feels fabric being guided onto his arms and over his shoulders. it’s comfortable, and nice weight wrapped around him.
it almost feels the same way as a hug from his partner. although, needless to say, this one is wearable.
he feels akifumi’s hands mess up his hair with an unspoken fondness to it before falling onto his shoulders, almost in a reassuring way. haru
likes that about him: he always feels so close. every action is warm and meaningful and he just can’t help but he completely hypnotized by such trivial bliss.
“okay, go on. open your eyes now.”
when he does, his pupils have a hard time adjusting to the light —more specifically, the red and green lights from the christmas decorations hanging from the ceiling—. it takes a few seconds for him to acknowledge the mirror, and the guys that stare back at him from the reflection.
it’s a jacket, nothing really innovative. haru carefully examines the brown fabric covering him, the darker patches around his shoulders where akifumi’s pale hands are sitting. the inside of the jacket is made out of pink synthetic cotton, and it’s so very warm, and baggy. just the way he likes it.
his partner’s hands travel down his back until his arms wrap around his waist, and then he places his chin on haru’s shoulder, staring at him dead in the eye through the mirror. there’s a stupid-looking smile on his face, and that makes haru chuckle just out of instinct.
“like what you see?” the blond says.
“of course. you look perfect. i did great at picking it.”
haru pushes him away at the comment, causing him to stumble back and simply laugh at the audacity. akifumi recomposes himself as quickly as per usual, already used to his partner’s behavior, and haru just stares at him for a second, admiring him.
he looks good under the bright-colored lights, he notes. even with his worn down coat and the old sneakers he still manages to look classy, something very different to haru’s style and yet someone haru considers to be of his liking.
and oh, how his blue eyes shine with mirth. haru could stare at him all day. he can’t wait to just get him his gift so he can see it.
“oh, right. my gift for you is back at the academy, so it’ll have to wait until wednesday morning.”
akifumi’s smile falters for a second.
“don’t worry dude, you shouldn’t have bought me anything in the first place.”
“of course i should! you got this for me, too.”
“i’m sure your gift is more expensive than mine, anyway.”
it is, actually. not by far, though. haru has sent a quick look to the price tag hanging from the jacket he’s still wearing, although more accidentally than out of actual curiosity. he’s aware of his friend’s financial struggle, and he admires him for it; it’s not easy for him to pay for his mother’s hospital bills but he tries, and that’s already an achievement of its own.
haru wishes he could help him more than he tries to. but he has no money to spare either, so he compensates by spending 200¥ more on his gift. he doesn’t tell him that, however.
“what does that have to do with anything? as long as you put thought into it, then i appreciate your gift. digging the jacket a lot, man, seriously.”
that seems to work wonders, and akifumi steps forward to gently cup haru’s cheeks with his hands. his eyes are sparkling, almost teary, and it seems surreal.
“i’m glad,” he chokes out. “can’t wait until wednesday, then.”
“aki—“ he tries, but is cut short by the other helping him out of the jacket.
“so, let’s get this all paid now, okay?”
haru nods, heart thrumming wildly against his rib cage. he gets excited, and simply follows suit behind akifumi, holding his hand as they walk. neither of them make any comments about it, nor do they even get to.
they don’t end up spending christmas together, anyway.
december 26th, 2018
okay, now he has definitely hit rock bottom.
haru throws his phone back onto his small, stiff bed before plopping down on the floor in the less elegant way possible to mankind.
this is the seventeenth call he gets from his family after not showing home during christmas, and just the device’s vibrations —he had turned off the ringtone after the second call— is enough to drive him to the edge of insanity.
as the world crashes onto him one more day, he rolls over on the floor, facing the popcorn ceiling. the tv is on, although he can’t remember ever turning it on. it produces a distant echo of christmas carols that gets lost in his ears and drives him further into his personal, haunting spiral.
have yourself a merry little christmas, let your heart be light…
from now on, your problems will be out of sight…
if he knew what those words meant, he would scoff, or maybe just cry. he kinda does feel like crying, although he feels completely numb at the same time. haru is very much lost.
he remembers christmas a few years back, when his only trouble was the reminder of being left alone. now, that has multiplied, and he can’t believe he misses the messy secret santa that the first division celebrates every year.
deep down, he knows he’ll never get to participate again.
and the worst part, those tiny things barely upset him. not in the big scheme of things. not when he has to live with blood staining his hands, not when he can’t stand to look himself in the mirror.
he probably ruined christmas for her family, didn’t he?
haru hasn’t found the strength to even walk out of the house in three days. he just can’t deal with it all, with a body that’s impure and he hates, and with a brain that is always against him, reminding how much of a failure he is. how evil he is.
how lonely.
he deserves that, really. he deserves to lose everything. it’s the price to pay for his mistake, for the life he ruined.
that’s partly why he didn’t show up to his own family’s christmas dinner. why would he? for them to avoid talking about him like he was taboo, because their golden child has thrown his success out the window. because he’s nothing but vile.
the implications of it make him want to throw up. it’s a feeling that’s there a lot now that he can barely sleep without waking up screaming in the middle of the night. that familiar nausea had been bothering him when he wrote his resignation letter, and had subsided into all kinds of despair when he wasn’t allowed to quit.
why would they even keep a pathetic screw up like him in the force?
it’s been around two weeks since he was demoted to inspector, and reassigned to a new department. haru distantly wonders if it’s a way to humiliate him, and decides that if it were then he probably deserves it.
but he hates it. he feels restless, all the time.
so he withdraws himself, and avoids life because he truly finds no purpose. he buries himself in his measly work, and tries not to connect with anyone. not when they don’t know how evil he is, what he has done.
not even himself can believe it, some days.
haru gets up languidly from the floor, already pushing a migraine like he does almost every day since the incident. he feels like sleeping, just as a way to shut his head up, although that only works for so long.
it’s cold. and the weather accentuates his loneliness. never had his cramped apartment felt this big around him, and so he seeks some warmth, rumaging through the closet.
there he finds it, that brown jacket. he hasn’t worn it in ages. but it’s comfortable, like a wearable hug. it’s warm. and that’s the only thing it brings to keep himself from going absolutely insane.
when he looks in the mirror, he’s pleased to find it still fits him. it remains baggy even though he’s slightly taller now. he focuses on it, soaks his eyes with its appearance.
the man staring back at him on the mirror, he can’t really recognize. so he avoids his own gaze, full of self-hatred and guilt. he clutches his fists, feeling anxious, as he always does lately. haru shoves his hands insides his pockets and breathes.
at least, when he got the jacket, not everyone thought he was a monster.
he had been naive enough to see himself as a hero-to-be. the audacious idiot, how dared he?
when his phone rings again, haru purposefully ignores it one more time. reality feels like a heavy burden on his shoulders and without even getting completely ready, he decides that he should show up to work, one more day.
just one day at a time.
he can’t bring himself to get the jacket off. it’s the only thing that keeps him grounded enough to keep functioning.
he doesn’t stop wearing it to work from them on.
december 8th, 2021
“hey, you have hands too, you know?” haru groans, and as per usual it falls on deaf ears.
daisuke is listening, he knows. he always is. but haru guesses he would just rather ignore him than actually carry some of the bags himself.
never mind that, it’s not that much trouble. haru feels comfortable like that, carrying bags that hold an appropriate number of gifts for their colleagues back at the mcptf, and not something outrageous like an entire aisle straight out of hamley’s. in fact, daisuke looks pretty pleased with himself, perhaps because he’s learning to shop like an actual human being with a definitely great budget but humanly possible nevertheless.
he had never stopped to admire london before. the only time he had been around was during an adollium bust that was basically over as soon as it began.
but right now, as the snowflakes fall onto him and melt against the lid of the hot coffee cup in his hand, he can say that it’s definitely beautiful. daisuke had once commented that he didn’t enjoy london as much, because it brought back gloomy memories. haru knows as much, but when he looks at him he finds a smile gracing his lips anyway.
ethereal, the white snow reflects against his pale features. ocean-blue eyes merge with the christmas lights above their heads, and that alone is enough to leave haru breathless.
daisuke is very alien to his partner’s reverie. haru finds him adorable, all focused on the toy he had bought. a small teddy bear, brown fur engulfed by the red fabric of the santa hat it’s wearing. it suits it well, the sight is incredibly cute, especially because daisuke is holding him like one would a baby.
upon entering the store —hamley’s, probably the most expensive toy store around—, the millionaire had become infatuated with it. haru couldn’t help but chuckle at the fondness daisuke often displays around teddy bears, and of course had decided to buy it for him.
“get it, i’ll pay. consider it as my gift,” he had said. and daisuke’s face had lit up with innocent joy in a matter of seconds.
like a kid on christmas morning.
oh, he can’t wait to return home for christmas.
to be fair, he hasn’t been too excited over christmas for a while. not that he doesn’t like it, it just kinda felt like a yearly routine. but today, for some reason, feels actually nice, like it’s going to be something worthy of admiration.
almost blinding, the lights above his head start flickering and forming patterns — a scheduled show, that must be it. his aureate eyes can’t pull away from it, and he thinks that the london streets may be one of the most marvelous things he’s ever seen.
in absolute awe, he sighs contently, and he can’t help but say:
“hey, kambe, look!”
it’s out of reflex. he knows daisuke is looking at it too, just like every other pedestrian that has somehow ended in regent street just like them. when he finally manages to look back at his partner, daisuke is staring straight at him, with the most content look on his face, his cheeks and the tips of his ears tainted in a light shade of pink.
“i assure you, i’m looking,” he says, stepping closer.
less than two seconds is the timeframe in which daisuke places himself right before haru, incredibly close but not uncomfortably so. the light show reflects itself on daisuke’s eyes when he reaches out his hand —the one that still has a remaining scar— to cup haru’s cheek, making the blond’s heart skip a beat.
haru, in lack of better reactions, gets frozen in place. he’s not quite sure what’s happening, although he knows he wants it to happen. he feels almost dizzy, so much so he could faint any second now, but daisuke is quick to take advantage of his freeze response and how busy his hands are before closing the distance between them.
it’s soft and gentle and warm. haru makes sure not to be too rough or too eager, perhaps not wanting to scare the other off, although daisuke (who is letting himself just enjoy it) keeps pushing his body against him, almost seeking for a kind of warmth, drawn in by something haru is not aware off.
then the teddy bear is squeezed between their chests, still securely held by the millionaire’s arm. and it starts playing a song, much to the surprise of both detectives.
it’s the most wonderful time of the year…!
it’s the happiest season of all…!
that makes haru cut the kiss short involuntarily, too busy laughing at the ridiculous situation. such an awaited kiss, at least for him, and yet something he doesn’t seem coming has to happen. because, well, that’s what always happens no? it’s like life decides not to be boring whenever him and daisuke are together.
his partner’s incredulous gaze falls onto the bear, then back to haru, then back to the bear once again.
“… i love this.” is the only thing he says, yet the blush staining his pale cheeks makes it unclear as to whether he’s referring to the gift or to the kiss.
haru likes to think it’s both.
“well, i’m good at picking gifts.”
“i think i was the one that chose both things,” daisuke retorts, which makes haru chuckle. “but noted.”
“oh, so that counts as a gift, too? from my part?”
“exactly.”
“then where’s your gift for me?”
daisuke finally takes a step back, and haru realizes that they’ve stayed presssed together for a handful of minutes now. he hopes they don’t look as embarrassing as he feels, but he wouldn’t even mind, really.
in fact, as the soft touch of daisuke’s hand dissipates, haru thinks he has everything he needs right there. no need for gifts or anything of the sort. he just wants the grown ass man in a trench coat and a scarf that doesn’t match his outfit that’s holding a teddy bear —which is still singing, mind you— like it were his child.
yes, that’s what he wants.
“you’ll have to wait until christmas morning, of course.”
haru sighs, takes a sip of his coffee hoping to hide his love struck smile. daisuke may or may not have the same look plastered on his face, but he decides not to comment on it just so he can keep looking at the adorable sight before him a bit longing.
“can’t wait,” he says.
and he thinks that, anyway, no matter what the gift is, he’s just content with daisuke’s presence by his side. he can’t fathom what could possibly be better than that.