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Exploding Snap

Summary:

Hermione is introduced to Viktor’s friends, who have brought friends of their own.

Notes:

So! I got this done waaaaay quicker then I’ve ever gotten anything done before. I think I might do a little series of this au. I have some material for Harry sucking at hitting on Cho Chang so I might try and do that soon. I have a million more ideas for Viktor and Hermione, and I expect they’ll sort of take over this series if there’s more added. Anyways!
Quick explanation! I thought Lockhart as a character was very useful for awkward and embarrassing moments so I decided he got hired as a Professor at Hogwarts, just not the defense against the dark arts course. I’m thinking he probably has a class for essay writing or something mundane like that. And he is terrible at his job.
Eventually I’ll link my tumblr on here or something.
Hope you like it!
Update: there’s a vikmione discord now for anyone who’s interested. https://discord.gg/A63SRcBCvU

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The first time his hand brushed hers, Hermione thought it was an accident. 

She was walking side by side with Viktor (her date!) on the way to Three Broomsticks, so Viktor could introduce Hermione to his friends. 

“They haff said they are going to invite some Hogvarts students as well. Just one of two.” Viktor assured her. 

It made Hermione relax only a fraction to know that she wouldn’t be the center of attention. 

His hand brushed hers again. 

She peaked at him under her lashes. 

At first he was staring straight ahead, but after a moment he glanced at her too. 

Something about his gaze was challenging. 

That’s what Hermione liked most about Viktor. 

He challenged her. 

Hermione accepted the dare, despite the fluttering in her stomach, and gingerly gripped his hand. 

His palm was warm and dwarfed her own. 

He squeezed her hand, reassuring Hermione she made the right move. 

She stared at the cobblestone walk, pleased as punch but too shy to look at him. 

It felt nice to hold hands, Hermione noted. 

She sort of understood why so many couples did it now. 

They arrived in front of the Tavern. 

Viktor gave Hermione’s hand another squeeze before pushing the door open.

Hermione vaguely recognized his group of friends from the library. 

There was the blonde with glass cutting cheekbones, the hairy one with half a beard already and a unibrow, and the curly haired brunette. 

They were already all sitting laughing, and talking with some Hogwarts students, who Hermione realized too late were all too familiar-

“I’m so sorry. I’ve forgotten something in my dorm. I have to leave immediately.” Hermione stuttered, stopping in her tracks and pulling Viktor’s hand in doing so. 

He turned to look at her, also pausing in his stride to look at her with confused eyes. 

“Vat? Vats wrong? Is something the matter?” He asked. His thumb swiped over her hand in a comforting gesture. “Haff I done something? Speak to me.”

“No, no, it’s not that! I just remembered I can’t be here, actually.” Hermione glanced from Viktor to his table of friends. 

Of all people, of all students, they had to invite Blaise Fucking Zambini to lunch?

Just Hermione’s luck. 

The blonde noticed them and waved them over. 

Viktor looked at Hermione. 

He tipped his head towards the table and raised a brow, eyes concerned. 

Hermione stalled.

Blaise was looking straight at her. It was clear there was no way to avoid him knowing she was with Viktor. 

Hermione didn’t want Viktor or his friends, thinking it embarrassed her to be with him. 

Why did it have to be Blaise?

Anyone else she might have been able to talk to and explain how she hadn’t told her best friends she was… well, hanging out with a boy. Romantically that is. 

They hadn’t talked about if they were boyfriend and girlfriend yet. 

If Hermione wanted that talk to happen, she would have to at least meet his friends. 

And he would, of course, meet hers at some point. 

Which would mean telling them before Blaise Zambini. 

Really, she was over thinking all of this. 

She gripped Viktor’s hand tighter. 

“Never mind. It’s nothing.” She mumbled and started trudging towards the table. 

Viktor’s friends all looked at them with friendly expressions. 

They stood in front of the table. 

Hermione hoped her palms weren’t sweaty. 

“Vitya, Vitya! Would you look and see, you are late for something! My heart can not take the shock!” The blonde one teased. Hermione guessed by his accent he was Russian and not Bulgarian like Viktor. 

“I am not late. We agreed to come at 2. You came early.” Viktor shot back. 

“Introduce your friend Viktor. Pelle made us wait to order anything but the butterbeer, I’ll waste away waiting.” The hairy one called out. 

Blaise’s gaze eyed them up and down, stalling at their still connected hands. 

Hermione raised her chin at him. 

A little garter snake like him wouldn’t intimidate her. 

“This is Hurr-mune-na Granger. душичка, That is Alexy Popov, Stanislav Borisov, and Pelle Claesson.” Viktor introduced the blonde, Alexy, the hairy one, Stanislav, and the curly-haired one, Pelle. 

Hermione offered a small wave. 

“That’s not how you pronounce her name. It’s Hermione.” A timid voice to the right of Pelle offered. 

Neville?” Hermione spluttered in shock. She peered around Viktor’s shoulder and found her friend, who seemed to be almost hiding behind Pelle. “Who invited you?”

“That was me!” Pelle answered cheerfully. “We are in the same gardening group! Good fun, yes?”

“Yeah. Sounds great.” Hermione agreed easily. 

This was perfect. She could sit on that side of the table by Neville, who she liked and was her friend, and could probably totally escape having to talk to Blaise, who she didn’t particularly like, and was a snake bitch. 

She went to take a seat by Pelle and Neville, only to have Viktor rather insistently tug her closer to Alexy and Blaise. 

Hermione had to move pretty quick to avoid tripping over her own feet. 

Before she knew it, they were sitting right across from Blaise and Alexy. 

Typical

“This is Blaise Zambini. He is sitting with us at lunch.” Alexy informed her by way of introduction.

“We’ve met.” Blaise said in a perfectly tactful and perfectly polite tone. 

Bastard

“I know Blaise. I know Neville too. We’re friends actually. We’ve known each other since first year.” Hermione babbled. 

Neville perked up at this and beamed at her. 

Hermione shot him a smile back. 

Thank god for Neville. He might be what keeps this from being a total shit show. 

“I haff known this. How lucky we are to haff him here.” Viktor icily replied. 

Hermione shot him a baffled look at his bitter tone, but he was too busy glaring at Neville. 

Hermione tried to send Neville a questioning look, but he was too busy shrinking in his own skin. 

At last Hermione’s eyes turned to the gentleman in front of her. 

Blaise was looking between her, Viktor and Neville, face smooth but eyes sparking with interest. 

Mouth breather, Hermione thought. 

Neville looked like he might pee his pants. 

“Y-you look nice b-by the way, Her-Hermione.” Neville complimented her. 

Hermione beamed at him. 

It took her forever to get her hair to behave enough to put it into twin plaits, and she was rather pleased with the results, and that someone noticed them. 

She thanked Neville, who kept glancing at Viktor with something like hope in his eyes. 

Unfortunately, Viktors’ famous scowl only worsened. 

Hermione squeezed his hand to comfort him, like he did to her earlier. 

He must be much shyer around new people than I had imagined, Hermione mused. 

“Granger, color me surprised that you’re here with Krum instead of Potter. You two have been so… inseparable. The whole tournament, in fact. I’d think you’d be spending as much time with him as you can.” Blaise’s bored drawl pierced her ears. 

Merlin, this fucking guy, Hermione groused to herself. 

She couldn’t say anything back, not anything that would be sufficiently snarky or rude. 

Hermione glanced anxiously at Alexy, who was listening to what his friend had to say to her. 

Hermione couldn’t let Blaise Zambini be the reason she left a poor impression on Viktors’ friends. 

So she swallowed her pride and ignored him. 

“I thought you and Potter were close. Even closer than you and Neville here.” Blaise prodded. 

“What! Harry’s my best friend! Sure, Neville and I are ‘close’ or whatever, but Harry is my best friend. No offense Neville.” 

“None taken!” Neville squeaked. 

Viktor’s jaw was tense and his spine curved the way it did when he was upset or uncomfortable. 

Oh, Hermione was terrible at this. 

Viktor invited to hang out with his friends and instead of doing that, she’s been squabbling with Blaise Fucking Zambini. 

“Stanislav, do you know what you’re going to order?” Hermione asked, wincing at the awkwardness of her tone. 

Stanislav perked up at the mention of the menu. He began describing his two favorite options and asking for her opinion between the two when Viktor cut in. 

“It is nice that so many boys have enough sense to see how lovely Hurr-mune-na is. How unfortunate for them she does not think them as interesting.” Viktor growled. 

Hermione’s cheeks pinked with the compliment. 

She had to smother a pleased look so Blaise wouldn’t see it. 

She looked at Viktor under her lashes and was thrilled to see him glancing back at her. 

He seemed uncomfortable with his statement, so Hermione gave him a quick smile to reassure him. 

He returned it with a small grin of his own. 

Out loud, Hermione said, “You have your own ocean of adoring fans no one here could compete with. I’m sure no imaginary admirer of mine could compare.” Hermione giggled. Her joke wasn’t that funny, but Viktors compliment left her the feeling in her chest much lighter. 

“This is true! And they are so difficult too! Ve cannot take a piss without girls following us when Viktor is with!” Stanislav exclaimed. 

“не говори по този начин пред нея!” Viktor snapped at him. 

Alexy laughed. “Oh, are you blushing, Vitya? Vat, are you no longer grateful for your fans?”

“They sneak up on us when we study in the library. Dreadful amount of noise. They’re like a pack of seagulls.” Hermione confided, which earned her peals of laughter from Viktor’s friend. 

“We can barely study in there anymore! They’re so determined we have to hide out in the greenhouse to get anything done!” Hermione continued, encouraged by the boy’s reactions. 

Even Viktor had cracked a grin. 

“Say Neville, don’t you work in the greenhouse?” Blaise asked. 

Viktor’s laugh at his own expense was smothered like water on a fire. 

“Blaise, have you not said the quidditch field is very good? Maybe we can all go out soon and fly. I have been dying with no flying practice!” Alexy exclaimed, changing the subject.

“Hurr-mune-na is afraid of brooms.” Viktor rejected the idea. 

Hermione beamed at him. 

Not only did he recall her saying that in passing, but he will turn down what would probably be an ideal time for him for her sake. 

A boy has never been this nice to her before. 

Hermione could melt, it was so lovely. 

“Neville is afraid of brooms too!” Pelle chimed in. 

Viktor shot him a withering glare. 

Pelle seemed impervious to the effect. 

Neville, however, was not, and continued cowering in silence. 

“Perhaps Granger and Longbottom could find something else to keep them occupied.” Blaise suggested. 

His smile with his perfectly straight and blindingly white teeth was polite enough, but Hermione could tell he was having too much fun at their expense. 

What did he even think he was achieving? Embarrassing Viktor? Embarrassing her? 

It’s not as if Viktor cared if she spent the afternoon with Neville, Hermione reasoned. 

“I, I have exploding snap.” Neville fearfully offered out. 

Just when Viktor looked like he was about to explode, Alexy spoke again. 

“Excuse me? Ve are ready!” Alexy called out to a waitress. “Let us get some food before I resort to eating Pelle.”

“Bah! I’d eat you first, Popov. Pelle is too soft, too fat. You at least have muscle.” Stanislav argued. 

“I’m a vegetarian. It’s against my beliefs to be eaten. Eat Stanislav, he should not even count as an animal.” Pelle bickered. 

“Disgraceful.” Viktor muttered. 

He casually swung an arm around Hermione’s shoulders. 

Hermione took a large sip of her water, blushing to her ears. 


The food was quite good for all the wait. 

Hermione did her best to ignore Blaise, who was blessedly much more quiet. 

She chatted with just about everyone at the table, about school, books she’s enjoyed, hobbies they had, family life. Even Neville spoke up a third of the way in. 

Hermione must have had it too good for too long because Professor Lockhart waltzed up to the table with his eyes on the prize. 

“If it isn’t the famous Mr. Viktor Krum!” Professor Lockheart exclaimed. He swung his legs over the bench and settled himself between Blaise and Alexy, forcing them to dash over to avoid touching him. “Well. Almost as famous as me.” Professor Lockhart said conspiratorially, winking at Viktor. 

Hell. 

Hermione was in hell. 

She thought Blaise being there was a nasty surprise. 

This is worse. This is so much worse. 

“I had previously tried to connect with you because I thought, with the tournament and everything, you needed some advice.” Professor Lockhart continued, with no regard for the looks of disdain Alexy was shooting him.” Like my protege Harry Potter. He’s also in the tournament and will give you a real run for your money now that he’s listening to me. I have a bit of extra time in my schedule. Why don’t we discuss things?” Professor Lockhart proposed. 

Viktor stared at his plate and refused to look up. 

Hermione’s heart sank. 

Fucking Lockhart

He couldn’t even let students eat their lunch in peace without accosting them with his so-called accomplishments and fame. 

They weren’t even on school grounds. Why the fuck was he here? 

“Ve are at dinner. He is in the middle of something.” Stanislav sneered. 

For the first time, Professor Lockhart seemed to notice the other people around him. 

He peered around and his handsome face brightened when he spotted Hermione. Who was sitting next to Viktor. Directly in front of the Professor. 

“Ah, Miss granger! I should have known you’d be here. You know, she has a taste for famous men.” Professor Lockhart faux whispered, and then laughed. He sent a wink to Hermione before gesturing to Viktor. “You. Harry Potter. Even yours truly at one point. She sent me a Valentine my first year here. Sweet girl.”

Hermione wants to die.

She has never been this humiliated in her life and two weeks ago Draco had turned her front teeth into the sizes of beavers and Madame Pomfrey had to send an emergency owl to Hermione’s dad to ensure she had corrected the braces right. 

Professor Lockhart was eagerly looking at her, clearly expecting her to confirm his statement. 

Hermione forced out a laugh. 

“Crazy being 13.” Hermione said through gritted teeth.

Her entire face burned, and she stared at her lap. 

Lockhart continued. “I was, of course, very flattered. She’s a stunning young girl. So much raw potential.”

Hermione glanced at Viktor, hoping he wasn’t taking this too seriously. 

Instead of staring at her in judgment, Viktor was exchanging glances with Pelle, Stanislav, and Alexy. 

The only way Hermione could think to describe the looks exchanged would be ‘What The Fuck’. 

A sentiment Hermione herself felt fully. 

Even Blaise was shooting the oblivious Professor disgusted looks. 

“I suppose you sniffed that out yourself, given that you invited her. Men like us have to be careful, you know, if you don’t keep their attention you’ll end up like Ludo Bagman and his three ex wives.” Lockhart laughed. “Anyway, what was I saying? Ah, yes, the tournament-“

“Uh, by the way, Professor? Rita skeeter was looking to interview you.” Neville interrupted. His face was a flaming red and his eyes shifted guiltily back and forth, a sure sign of his lie. “She’s back at the castle, I think.”

Lockhart shoved himself up, noisily scooting the bench back to make room for his legs to stand. 

“Well, duty calls!” Lockhart chirped. “Hard to resist the call of a beautiful woman, Ey Krum?” Lockheart ribbed, winking at Hermione. 

Viktor’s face resolved into a deadly scowl, glaring icicles at the Professor’s retreating back. 

The vibe is dead. 

 It had been slaughtered by a moron Headmaster Dumbledoor allowed to stay on staff. 

Why

Why did Dumbledoor do this? Do this to Hermione, specifically, who was suffering the consequences of this poorly thought out decision two bloody years later. 

They all sat and poked at their food, and Hermione tried to think of something funny, or clever, or anything really to say. 

“Hur-min-niny, Viktor told us you have a thing about house-elves? House-elves rights? Tell me about that, I want to know everything.” Alexy asked, breaking the silence. 

Hermione’s muscles went slack with relief and she eagerly launched into a full-blown explanation of S.P.E.W, all too happy to leave the awkwardness behind.


Walking around with Viktor’s arm around her back was almost nicer than hand holding, Hermione thought. 

They had just enough time for a stroll around the shops before they had to head back to Hogwarts. 

“Vat did you think? About my friends?” Viktor asked. 

Hermione snuggled into his side and pondered how to beat answer the question. 

“I can see why you like them so much. They’re great. Alexy is a bit too charming for my taste, but very funny. Stanislav has a lot of interesting things to say about ancient ruins, and Pelle seems very kind.” Hermione replied. “And you know. They were really very nice about the general weirdness of. Everything. What about them? Do you think they liked me?” Hermione asked. 

Viktor scoffed and waved dismissively. “I told you, they already liked you. They haff liked you since I began telling them about you.” 

Hermione beamed at that. 

She really had been nervous about nothing. 

If they still liked her after that shit show, then she had nothing to worry about the whole time. 

“My friends will really like you.” Hermione assured him. “Neville already thinks you’re incredible. Ron and Harry too, of course, but you’ve met Neville and everything- “Hermione rambled. 

“Vat?” Viktor asked flatly. 

“Oh, he’s a huge fan! All of my friends are, actually. I’m glad you met Neville first because he’s the least likely to be embarrassing about it. He’s great.” Hermione divulged. 

“I admit I respect him for getting Lockheart avay from the table. Stupid fool.” Viktor begrudgingly acknowledged. 

Hermione giggled. “Maybe I should have gone with him to the Yule ball instead.” Hermione teased. 

Viktor barked out a laugh. “I vuld have strangled Lockheart if he had even thought to ask you.”

“No! Oh, ew. I had meant Neville!” Hermione snickered. 

Vat?” Viktor asked, once again completely void of emotion. 

Hermione grinned, still laughing. 

“I didn’t tell you? He asked me, but obviously I told him I had a date. I think he’s asking Ginny, my friend Ron’s sister. They’ll be really cute together.” Hermione explained. 

Hermione leaned her head on his shoulder. 

His cologne smells nice, Hermione thought. Like a spicy amber almost. 

“How fortunate for the sister.” Viktor remarked dryly. 

He pulled Hermione closer to him and smiled down at her. 

He really was so much more handsome when he smiled. 

Notes:

Spoiler Alert: Not all of Hermione’s friends did like Viktor. If I ever get around to writing the Yule Ball, or my version of what I think should have happened during the Yule Ball, then it will speak for its self I guess.
Hope you enjoyed!

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