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The mission was over and Earth was safe from Nero, who was gone from this universe forever.
Everything was back to normal and there were no life-threatening situations. In fact, even the trial for Jim's cheating on the Kobayashi Maru were dismissed and he was honored for saving Earth. While the Enterprise was facing small repairs, the crew was hanging out and enjoying their last bit of free time until their next mission. '
Jim, however, was the furthest from relaxed he'd ever been. His mind kept wandering back to what he'd said to Spock about his mother. Spock Prime had told him to do it, and yet it still felt wrong, and he hadn't told him to insult him and his every being. Jim felt really bad for what he'd said and ever since he'd defeated Nero, he hadn't seen Spock at all. It was eating him up inside because Spock was a good commander and he wanted him on his ship, but he needed to make amends first.
He wanted Spock to know that he didn't really feel that way about him, that it wasn't his fault his mother was dead, that he loved her.
He wondered how Spock was handling all of this, having nearly killed Jim after having such an emotional argument. Of course, the choking was kind of deserved.
Jim absently rubbed at the place where Spock's fingers had been. Bones had fixed the bruises, so there were no marks of what had happened, but Jim could see it perfectly in his mind.
Nyota had told him where Spock was staying and so Jim was here standing in front of the door and preparing himself to knock. He'd been standing here for a good five minutes, which was already too long. Man, he was really trying to work up the courage to talk to Spock. What would he even say? God, he should've thought this through a little more.
But then his hand was knocking on the door and it was too late to take it back.
He bit his lip as he waited for a response. Maybe if he was lucky, Spock would be out and he'd actually get a chance to plan out what he was trying to say so he didn't sound like an idiot.
Jim waited for several moments and was about to turn around and leave when the door opened and standing there was none other than Spock.
He was squinting at Jim, his hair slightly unkempt and his eyes were puffier than usual.
Jim felt a cheesy smile cross his face. "Hi, Spock."
"Captain," The Vulcan acknowledged, his posture too tense and indifferent. Despite this, he still looked handsome, dressed in Vulcan robes. God, this was awkward.
"Can I--uh, come in?" Jim asked, running a hand through his hair. "If not, that's okay-"
Spock stepped aside. "If you wish."
Jim nodded and walked inside the little hotel room Spock was renting, which was not little at all. It was a full place, with a kitchen, living room, and separate bedroom and bathroom. Wow, it was nice and also provided a beautiful view of the city. Geez, Jim knew why Spock was squinting when he opened the door. It was completely dark in here, all of the lights turned off. It was around dinner time, so the sky was dark as well, but provided the little light in the room.
Jim slowly made his way to what he hoped was the couch, Spock seated across from him.
"I..." Spock spoke first, his voice different, it sounded less stable and stoic as he normally did. "...apologize for the lack of light. I am burdened with a headache."
"No, it's alright," Jim said quickly, squirming slightly on the couch. Apparently he took too much time because Spock said,
"Why are you here again?"
It was surprisingly blunt and curt in a way that Jim didn't know Vulcans could be. He was so taken aback by the abruptness of the question, he didn't notice the slight break in Spock's voice or how soft it sounded.
"I wanted to-" Well here goes nothing "-apologize. For what I said on the ship. I didn't mean it. Any of it. It wasn't real, it was only to get the captain's chair."
"I am aware," Spock said softly, "That it was for the best for this mission to have succeeded. Regardless, it was most likely deserved. I apologize for assaulting you, captain. There was a severe lapse in judgment on my part, and for that, I am truly sorry."
It took Jim a moment to fully register what Spock had just said. "Wait, what? Spock, you didn't deserve to hear that! And as for the choking bit, I had it coming, and it's okay. I forgive you because you literally just lost someone and your entire world, you were bound to be angry." Jim took Spock's silence as for what it was and drew in a deep breath. "Do you think you deserved it?"
Spock was silent once more.
"Spock," Jim let out something like a disbelieving gasp. "You didn't deserve anything I said. What I said...was horrible."
Jim wished he could see Spock's face right now, but the darkness had settled in and he could only barely make out the outline of Spock's face. Jim stood up and made his way to where Spock was sitting, kneeling in front of him, his hands gently resting on the Vulcan's knees. Surprisingly, Spock didn't flinch or even push away his touch.
"It was justified," Spock said quietly. "I should have accepted the truth when she was still...when she was..."
"It's not the truth, Spock. You're not like that," Jim tried to reason with him, hoping he could somehow make him see.
"Captain, I thank you for your apology, but it is not necessary. The fault is mine. I should have..."
"Should have what, Spock? Saved her? You couldn't, you would've died too. None of this is your fault." Jim's voice was urgent at this point. "You saved all of Earth through all of this. You put your needs aside to save an entire species. Even when you were hurting, you kept moving forward. You did as much as you could've."
Spock's eyes were trained to his lap, his nose twitching.
"Spock, look at me," Jim said gently, and slowly the Vulcan did. "You are a great commander and a great son. Amanda loved you very much and you loved her. She knew that."
Jim could feel Spock trembling slightly. His eyes were full of starlight, a world unexplored and unknown. An uncharted cloud of stars that held a million secrets. And those galaxies were shimmering, and flooding. Spock inhaled deeply, but that didn't stop the tears from sliding down his ivory cheeks. There was no sound, only broken breath and Jim knew at that moment what he had to do. He sat up on his knees and hugged Spock, holding him close. Slowly but surely, hands wrapped around Jim's back and a head pressed into his shoulder, breathing against him. The tears wet Jim's shirt, but he didn't mind, didn't even notice. He was focused on rubbing a hand against his back and whispering sweet, soothing nothings, reassurances.
The silence stretched through the apartment and all that was heard was gentle breathing, but it was okay, because it was just them here. At that moment, Jim promised to always look out for Spock, especially because he didn't look after himself. He would always protect this star, this beautiful, broken star.
This, he promised to Amanda.
I'll keep him safe.
Sitting in the captain's chair was something else, a euphoric feeling as if Jim was born to sit here.
"Mr. Sulu," He smirked, heart racing. "Prepare to engage thrusters."
The turbolift doors schwipped and he looked over his shoulder to see Spock, standing there in his perfect science uniform.
"Permission to come aboard captain?"
Jim felt a grin bloom across his face. "Permission granted."