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Vampire Detective

Summary:

There’s only one possible explanation: Kun is a vampire.

Xiaojun is determined to prove it.

Notes:

This is the dumbest thing I've written. I really hope you enjoy it

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Xiaojun is not going mad, no. 

He's a very rational guy. He had his suspicions so he paid close attention, ran a few tests and took some notes. 

Finally, he came to one possible conclusion: Kun is a vampire. 

He's irrevocably, 100% certain of it. 

 

He met Kun at his new job at the library, a part time gig in the evenings to save money for college. At first, he didn’t think much of him. He was a nice looking dude, very kind and willing to help, but other than that, pretty regular. Or that's what Xiaojun thought at first. 

The more time he spent with Kun, the more peculiar he seemed.

 

He's setting the table one night when he tells his roommates about it.

"You know Kun, right?" 

"Your coworker?" Hendery asks and he nods.

"There's something about him…"

Yangyang looks at him, wiggling one eyebrow and grinning. "Do you like him?"

"No!" Xiaojun complains and changes the subject quickly. "We've been talking a lot lately and he knows how to do everything ."

Now Hendery is the one raising his eyebrow, questioning.

"He’s a great singer, he knows how to play the piano, and a bunch of cool magic tricks and he is, allegedly, an excellent cook. And on top of that he has a pilot license. The dude knows how to fly planes! And he's only a couple of years older than us! What is he doing working in a library?

"Wow, that's crazy!" Hendery says.

"Right? Who knows how to do all that stuff? Who has time?"

Yangyang looks at him straight in the eyes and says, “He’s probably, like, a vampire or something.”

 

That night, while everyone’s sleeping, Xiaojun turns on his computer and googles: vampire

He starts paying attention after that. 

 

It’s not like the sudden prospect of Kun being a vampire changes his perception of him, but Xiaojun can see now that he’s not just a good looking guy like he first thought; Kun is otherworldly gorgeous. 

He also notices that Kun is really pale, like he hasn’t seen the light of day in ages. 

But Xiaojun isn’t completely sold on the vampire idea. Everytime they talk, he pays close attention to Kun’s face. His teeth look boringly normal and there isn’t any supernatural glint on his eyes, but he figures that if Kun is a hundred years old (like Yangyang suggested), he might have a few tricks under his sleeve to pass as human. 

So Xiaojun decides to lay some traps and wait for Kun to slip.     

 

One thing Xiaojun realized is that he has never seen Kun under daylight. He wonders how much it would affect him, but he can’t ask directly and potentially put himself in danger. 

“Kun-ge,” he says one day, before closing. “I was wondering if you could help me with some college stuff this week. Maybe we could meet before work.”

“Aish,” Kun rubs the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, I can’t meet during the day. But I’d be happy to help you any other time, when we don’t have customers around.”

“Okay,” Xiaojun notes that down. “Thank you.”

 

The next opportunity comes when Xiaojun is complaining about how terrible cooks his roommates are.

“I could cook for you one day,” Kun offers. “How about saturday night?”

 

Saturday night arrives and Xiaojun tries his best to make himself helpful. Kun turns out to be a real expert and all he can do is chop vegetables. Still, he’s a man on a mission, so he passes Kun an open jar of garlic paste. 

Kun scrunches his nose in a disgusted expression. “Please, take that away from me,” he says as politely as he can. 

Okay, Kun is looking really suspicious now.

 

Xiaojun’s investigation concludes on a thursday evening, before closing. He’s putting some books back on the shelves when he hears someone behind him. It’s Kun, obviously—there’s only the two of them there—, but he still gets startled, especially with all his newly acquired knowledge about Kun. 

His back slams a little bit too hard against the bookshelves as he turns around, heart beating fast on his chest. Some of the books fall with the impact and he watches in awe as Kun catches all of them with a speed that shouldn’t be possible for a human.

“Oh my god…” 

“Are you okay?” Kun asks but Xiaojun isn’t listening, he’s having his own Bella Swan moment.

“You’re a vampire!” he says, unable to stop himself. “I was right! There’s no way you know how to do everything unless you’re super old!”

“Wait– What?”

“You have super speed,” he starts listing. “You’re too pale, you can’t go out during the day, you’re garlic intolerant, you’re too beautiful to be human– Oh god! I’ve said too much. Are you going to drink my blood? I’m too young to die.” 

“Okay, calm down. Take a deep breath,” Kun says, trying to stop him from panicking. 

“I am a vampire,” he admits after a moment, “but you got it all wrong. Daylight doesn’t affect me, I’m just too busy during the day. And I only rejected your garlic paste because I rather add freshly chopped garlic to my recipes. And no, I’m not going to drink your blood. You don’t need to worry about it.” 

Xiaojun sighs in relief. “Oh thank you. It’s good to know that.”

“You’re very intuitive.” Kun squeezes his shoulder lightly. “Let's go home.” 

 

After that, Kun becomes a regular at their dorm, cooking delicious food for them every other weekend. 

They have a new guest tonight; one of Yangyang’s friends from college, Ten. They tell him about Xiaojun’s failed vampire investigation over dinner and he sinks in his chair trying to disappear.  

“You kinda look like a vampire,” Ten points at Kun with his chopsticks. 

“Hmm I’d say you give off huli jing vibes to me.”

Xiaojun watches with horror as Ten’s smile turns into a mischievous grin.

Please, not again , he thinks.

“Maybe I am.” 

Notes:

This fic is so silly but I still want to dedicate it to all my favorite WayV vampire writers (especially MailOrderBride and boulevarddouble , ily), people making Ten a huli jing in their stories and just everyone writing urban fantasy fics for this fandom. I love your stories so much and they've been a great company for me this year ♥ Keep up the good work!

If you enjoyed this fic, don't forget to leave kudos/comments ^^

 

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