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Water splashes into the steaming basin as Xiao wrings out the cloth in his hands. They're shaking. Xiao cannot remember the last time he noticed them shaking. When he had first killed? When Morax had rescued him from bondage? When the agony of his karmic debt brought him to the brink of desperation and he thought to end it all?
Yet he's never been as frightened as he is now. He's never had to see his lord like this: paper white, bloodless as the snow. His body is so eerily still now after the convulsions, his breathing barely detectable that Xiao is afraid each breath might be his last. No thought has ever been more terrifying to him.
The physician who had been to see Zhongli said the symptoms he displays are indicative of a rare type of poison that is used to incapacitate Vision holders -- which should not be possible. The Vision Zhongli wears is a glass bauble as fake as Xiao's own, meant only to allay questions should anyone see them bend their elements. It holds no power by itself.
It raises concerns about the antidote the physician had given Zhongli. There is a possibility that Zhongli's mortal form is also susceptible to mortal ailments and thus to mortal cures, though Xiao has no way of knowing. All he can do is care for him and keep him warm as the physician instructed. The poison is slowing the body's vital functions, which in turn slows the metabolization of the antidote. Xiao has placed heated bricks beneath his lord's feet and wrapped his wrists in hot towels, but nothing seems to be alleviating his condition.
Xiao does not know what else to do. He strips himself of everything that could hurt his lord, then slips under the blanket to use his own body heat to warm him. And suppresses a gasp. His lord's skin is like ice. That in itself is shocking. Ordinarily, he's rarely cooler than a furnace. Even in his mortal body, that heat is packed tight under his skin. It would not overwhelm anyone who stood close to him, but it would be there upon touch.
Now, any touch makes Xiao shiver with cold. This is not right.
He can't stop thinking he should have done something different. He could have taken Zhongli to Jueyun Karst where the other adepti could have diagnosed him, except the trip might have been too strenuous. He could have gone himself to bring one of them here, but while he can teleport there and back in the blink of an eye, there was no telling how long it would have taken to find any one of them. Or even if they could have helped. They are all hermits and not much interested in the healing arts. And Xiao is loath to leave Zhongli's side even for a second.
Still, how would they react when they found out that Xiao had not done absolutely everything to save their lord? If the situation had been reversed, he would not have wanted to be kept in the dark, even if there was no way for him to help.
Perhaps he could try to reach their dreams. There's nothing else for him to do here than to stay still and keep his lord warm. He can do that while he's asleep as well.
It's difficult to tell his mind to settle when his lord might be dying next to him. But it's the only thing left for him to do.
***
"I'm glad you came."
"My lord?"
Xiao whirls around to find Zhongli in the shade of a knotwood tree, sipping tea from a chawan and overlooking Liyue from the mountaintops -- or a dream version of Liyue. Liyue as it used to be, a long time ago.
He looks up at Xiao and pats the space beside him. Xiao sits down. In the way of dreams, a cup of tea is in front of him in the grass. Xiao picks it up just to have something to hold.
"I have been thinking," his lord says and pauses again. His expression is complex, musing, and so Xiao lets him gather his thoughts. It's not like he needs anyone, least of all Xiao to prompt him along.
Zhongli expels a sigh and shakes his head.
"There is no easy way to breach the topic of one's death."
Xiao stiffens, fingers tight around his chawan. "My lord, you're not going to die. I won't let you."
Zhongli offers him a sidelong look and a wan smile. "You would selfishly let me suffer just to serve your own needs?"
"I..." Xiao stares at the trembling cup in his hand and swallows. "Is this where you tell me to let you go? Because you are suffering?"
"That is not what I am asking. Rather, I want to know what you intend to do after my death?"
"What I have always done: honour my contract and protect Liyue."
Zhongli sips his tea. "That is what I thought."
The scenery around them changes, nature turns to manmade structures of wood and stone. Rain clouds obscure the sky. It should not be possible. They're inside Liyue Harbor as it is today, where the protective dome Morax once cast around it should keep the weather fair. Does this mean that his powers are waning, or is this just another effect of the dream?
"Walk with me," Zhongli says as he turns toward Feiyun Slope. The district that is usually teeming with life now lies abandoned, the merchant booths dark, the streets wide and empty.
Xiao generally does not choose to come where mortals gather, yet the city is silent now and Xiao better able to appreciate what his lord sees in it.
"They have built this themselves, you know," Zhongli says. "My subjects. Liyue Harbor has grown out of their own hard labour. I have merely given them the land on which to build their houses and I have kept out snow and rain. The rest is the result of their own ingenuity."
Xiao matches his lord's stride, not sure where this is going.
"They have proven that they are willing to fight for the city they have built, and that they are able to overcome even difficult challenges."
"Why are you telling me this?" Xiao asks, unable to keep his impatience in check. He knows his lord has a reason to be taking the scenic route before he gets to his point, but since their journey started with talk of his death, Xiao cannot wait to reach the end of it.
"For the longest time I have asked you to bear the lonely task of being Liyue's guardian when I've allowed the other adepti to retire and dedicate themselves to study or whatever else their hearts desire. I would like this burden to be lifted from your shoulders so you can do the same."
"It was never a burden," Xiao says. "You have given me purpose. Please don't take that away from me now."
"Xiao," Zhongli says in a mild tone, "you have taken on a charge that was once divided among five, and you remember what happened to your fellow yaksha. I do not wish for you to meet the same fate. Already you are suffering greatly through your service to me and I have ignored your plight for long enough. My little brush with death tonight has reminded me that I never got around to telling you any of this. That I want you to be free after I'm gone. That your contract has been fulfilled."
Xiao staggers. He feels as though the ground beneath his feet has vanished.
"Our contract is all I have," he murmurs and sinks to his knees, eyes darting about as though he might find the answer to his lord's strange behaviour around himself. "It's how I can honour you. How I can keep you alive in my heart when you're... when you're gone."
Zhongli turns and halts in front of him.
"You would honour me best if you found something worth living for."
"I don't understand," Xiao says, looking up at him miserably. "I have my duty."
"Something more than that," Zhongli says and cards his fingers through Xiao's hair. "Something that does not tie you to a dead god who abandoned you."
"You didn't--"
"Something that will not slowly destroy you from the inside."
Xiao balls his fists. "Why does this feel like you're saying goodbye?"
"None of us knows what the future will bring, whether we will not wake today or tomorrow. All I know is that I had to tell this. I regret that I never managed to help you find another purpose. Something better suited for times of peace. Liyue no longer needs relics of war like us."
This is what Xiao has always been afraid of. To no longer be needed. He's too old to find new meaning in life when all he has ever wanted was to serve his lord to the best of his capabilities. He has not adjusted to peace times as well as Zhongli had. Yet what is he to do if his lord himself sends him away? He might as well fall onto his spear.
Zhongli crouches down before him and takes his hands. Xiao looks up at him.
"I know this is late in coming," Zhongli says and squeezes, "but I would like to show you something that I think you might get some enjoyment from, if nothing else. I do not expect you to realise your new calling after I have so selfishly bound you to myself for all these centuries, but I do not think I would be able to rest if I did not at least give you some ideas where to look."
"My lord, I am grateful for your thoughtfulness, but I am content with what I have. My duty to you, to Liyue, is what fulfils me. I need nothing more. And, if I may be frank, I would be quite lost without it."
Zhongli is silent for a while and Xiao wonders if he might have said too much.
The scene around them changes yet again. They find themselves kneeling on the thick rugs that pad the floor of the abode that had been rented out to Zhongli, the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor employee.
"Perhaps I have been going about it the wrong way, then." Zhongli smiles and cups Xiao's cheek. "If your duty allows, could you spare a few moments of your time to spend with this old man?"
"You want to spend time with me?"
"Very much so."
Xiao flushes. What could his lord possibly want with him? He is not good company. Still, if that is his lord's wish, who is Xiao to deny him?
"You have but to ask and I will be there."
Zhongli's smile deepens as he tilts Xiao's chin up.
"I will be waiting for you on the other side," he says and vanishes.
***
Xiao wakes with his pulse thundering in his chest. For a moment he thought his lord was about to... but no, that's just his imagination running wild. His lord would never--
He starts when something touches him between his shoulder blades. He wants to whirl around but then he notices that Zhongli's arms are slung around him. He must have rolled onto his side to face Xiao while they were asleep.
"Shh, it's just me," Zhongli says barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean to startle you."
"You're awake," Xiao says and the relief he feels is so overwhelming it would have knocked him off his feet had he not already been lying down.
"As much as I am able." The corner of Zhongli's mouth dimples in a weak smile. "I can yet feel the effects of the poison trying to pull me back under."
"You need to rest."
"Isn't that what I always tell you?" Zhongli chuckles. "I'm afraid I am as bad a patient as you are, unable to be still for long."
Xiao glowers. "I will stay here and make sure you rest for as long as you need to."
His forehead tingles when Zhongli brushes his hair out of his face. His lord's skin is still cool to the touch, but it's not as icy as before. Xiao counts it as progress.
"Let us rest together then," Zhongli says and wraps his arms more securely around Xiao. "I quite like staying like this. Having you all to myself."
"I..." Heat rises through his entire body. "I've always been yours, my lord."
"Not like this."
Xiao does not understand what he means by that and Zhongli does not elaborate. He just holds Xiao close, stroking his back and playing with the hair at his nape. It's a strange sensation. Xiao craves more of it, more of his lord's touch, even though he knows he should not want it. Yet he cannot think of anything other than his lord's fingers as they dance across his skin, slowly driving Xiao out of his mind.
"I would like to take you to the opera when I'm better," Zhongli says and kisses the top of Xiao's head.
"To be your poison sniffer?" Xiao manages to say, though he is flushed and distracted, utterly entranced by the patterns his lord is drawing on his skin as if they were magic spells.
"I do believe they have learned their lesson and will improve their security accordingly. It's poor business if your patrons fall ill after visiting your establishment."
Xiao just nods, letting Zhongli's voice wash over him. He doesn't care about mortals or their businesses. All he cares about is that Zhongli is safe. And if he wants Xiao to join him so that he can keep him that way, Xiao will gladly follow him wherever he goes.
"Anything," he says. "I will do anything with you, just as long as you don't make me leave."
"Do not make such tempting offers."
"I mean what I say."
"There is no doubt in my mind that you do," Zhongli says and cups Xiao's face with both his hands. "But there are things I want to do with you that I would not want you to endure simply because you promised it."
Xiao swallows. "Such as?"
"Do you really want to know?"
At Xiao's nod, Zhongli hesitates for just one moment longer before he leans in. His lips brush Xiao's, gentle, searching, yet for all his lord's soft caresses, Xiao was not prepared for this. He sucks in a sharp breath in surprise. The tension drains out of Zhongli's shoulders and he draws back.
"I'm sorry," he says quietly, "that was inappropriate. I should not have--"
"No," Xiao says and forestalls any further exchange of apologies by pulling Zhongli in to kiss him like he should have done before.
Zhongli kisses back gratefully, hungrily, without restraint this time, as though he had been starving for this moment and would not stop until he had taken his fill of Xiao.
If this is how his lord wishes to spend time with, Xiao has no objections. He only hopes that next time they can skip the near death experience.