Work Text:
oh, you would find her
in a polaroid picture
and she, means everything to me
yes she, means everything to me
____________________
Sasha wouldn’t tell, she’d never say a word.
She had a crush on her best friend, and for a lot longer than she’d like to admit. What she thought was supposed to be admiration or jealousy turned out to be so much more, and it was absolutely pitiful.
Sasha knew it was unlikely. Her and Anne? Hah, she wished. It was a dream that would never come true. But lord it was so fucking funny, her best friend, out of all people, her best friend.
But she couldn’t help it, not when she was so gorgeous, kind, beautiful, special, outgoing, and optimistic, not when she was so breathtaking. Gosh, who let her be like that? It wasn’t fair. It really wasn’t.
She remembered the day she finally figured it out, the day where she realized that she wasn’t jealous of Anne, and instead realized she was in love with her.
It was a Friday afternoon and they were at school, in lunch to be exact. The girls were outside where they normally ate, just talking about everything and nothing. Sasha at some point didn’t engage in the conversation, and just watched as Anne and Marcy talked.
Her eyes never left Anne though, she took in every detail of her smile, how her eyes crinkled when she laughed, how her eyes were full of life and kindness, the way her curls bounced with every shake of her head. God, she was gorgeous.
No, actually, gorgeous wasn’t enough to describe her, she was ethereal, breathtaking, everything in between, and god how she just wanted to kiss those pretty pink li- Oh.
Oh shit.
She took a few seconds to process those words, and these (not new at all) feelings. She didn’t know how to feel, but she knew that it was actually a little terrifying. Falling for Anne? One of her best friends? It felt surreal, and it scared her.
How was she supposed to act around Anne now? Would she end up noticing that she likes her? If she does would she want to stop being friends?
She didn’t want to think about it, she really didn’t, it was scary. The risk of loosing one of her best buds? No. She won’t have that happen.
She’s going to take this crush to the grave, and she really hopes that Anne won’t find out, even if it’s unlikely. Sasha’s always been able to fake it, so she could do it, she could act like Anne was only her best friend. She could act like the crush was nonexistent, she knew she could.
So she would.
She succeeded, or at least she likes to hope she did. She first realized in 7th grade, and now as a junior in high school, she kept up the facade.
It’s gotten harder, with every passing second Sasha just seems to fall more and more, and she couldn’t stop it. She’s pretty sure that she loves Anne, more than sure actually. It’s true when people say the more you hide it the more it grows. God, this was her own fault.
It was midway through her junior year, where all of her pretending finally came to end. She couldn’t fake it anymore, not when she felt so strongly for her best friend. She wouldn’t tell, she still won’t say a word. It hurts of course, her heart aches with longing, and she’d do anything to have her in her arms, but hell, it felt oddly nice.
She was a little weird like that, but whatever, feelings make you weird, it’s just how it is. She realized that a long time ago.
It was a Saturday morning, and while sasha was in her own little world she heard her phone ring. She turned her head towards it, reaching out her hand and grabbing the phone, looking at her notification.
It was a text in the group chat, the one with her, Marcy, and of course, Anne.
anne<3 10:02am
guys guys, yk that new park that like just opened? y’all wanna go later? like idk around 5?
marmar 10:04am
Yes!!
anne<3 10:05am
omg dude bet, wbu u sash?
you wanna go?
Sasha took a second, should she go? It would be fun of course, and she’d get to spend time with her best friends, but well Anne- whatever, fuck it who cares.
sash 10:08am
yeah i’ll go
want me to drive?
anne<3 10:09am
that’s so cool okay
yeah tho, u can drive if ur okay w it
sash 10:10am
alright, i’ll pick you guys up at like 5, like anne said
Sasha didn’t wait for an answer and closed her phone, letting out a breath, she was going to have fun, and she wasn’t going to let feelings get in the way of anything. She had about 6 hours before she had to leave, she could easily prepare herself. But why does she? It’s just Anne and Marcy, her best friends. It wouldn’t be any different from any other time, so why would she want to now?
She audibly groaned. She didn’t need to do anything, and she knew that, she would be fine regardless of what happens, but she just- she just didn’t know, she felt like she should hide, but she knew it wouldn’t do her any good.
And hiding hurt, and knowing she would never be able to confess hurt even more. Hiding would just be stupid, she knew that too, so who cares? Who cares if they find out her little crush by any of her expressions or words? They wouldn’t say anything,she knew they wouldn’t. And she determined that she would be fine.
She killed the next four hours by doing whatever the fuck she could, scrolling on her socials, figuring out what to wear, cooking a quick (and a little late) breakfast, she was trying to past the time.
She had the next two hours covered considering it took up the entirety of her getting ready, she showered and washed her hair, did her skin scare, put on her clothes, and then finally, started to do her make up.
It was a simple look, one she did to match her outfit of a black turtleneck, a brown trench coat, brown straight legged pants, and of course, she can’t forget the Louis Vuitton belt, nor can she forget her boots, they’re what tie the whole look together, at least that’s what she thought. And she was right of course, anyone with a sense of fashion could see that.
She put her hair up in her signature ponytail and was finally ready. She grabbed her off the charger and looked at the time, it was ten til’ five. She was practically just on time, how fun was that?
She slipped her phone in her pocket, and walked down the stairs. She didn’t bother to say bye to her mom, she would’ve said bye to her dad, and would’ve told him where she was going if it was his weekend. But it wasn’t, and frankly, Sasha hated her mom.
So without as much as a bye, she grabbed her keys and walked out the door, slamming it shut when she heard her mom start to talk. She’d be back anyway, probably have to deal with her too, but that’s a later problem, right now she just wanted to enjoy her time with her friends, fuck everything else.
Sasha got into her car, texting the group chat she was on her way before putting her phone in the cup holder area, making her way to Marcy’s house first, or well she was supposed to, until Marcy called her and said that something came out so she couldn’t go, and just to go pick up Anne.
Sasha was a little bummed out, she wanted to hang out with both her besties, but that was fine. There was always next week after all. So off to Anne’s house she went, a little terrified to spend alone time with her crush, but it wasn’t the first time, so she could do this.
She pulled up to Anne’s house, grabbing her phone and texting the girl that she was there, getting a thumbs up in response. She would be out soon she assumed, and Anne did pop out of her house soon after. Sasha didn’t really notice at first due to her browsing on her phone. But of course she turned to the window when she heard a knock against it.
She took a minute, she couldn’t see much of what the other girl was wearing but her face was so…wow. God anne was so pretty, she was so so so pretty.
She was in awe, god. it took her a second before she finally opened the car, clearing her throat. She could do this, just she needed to pretend her feelings weren’t there, she’s done it before, she can do it again.
“Hey Anna” Sasha spoke when she got into the car, “Hey Sash.” Anne spoke in response before they both went into a comfortable silence. It wasn’t completely silent, the music was blasting as Sasha drove to the park, and of course, her music taste is superior.
Lady by Yubin came on, and of course it was one of Sashas favorite songs, so she tapped the back of the wheel with her fingers and hummed a long. She wasn’t surprised when Anne started to sing a long, she’s played this song multiple times, it got stuck in all of their heads. And it’s really just a banger, who wouldn’t like it?
Sasha hears Anne sing all the time, but good lord she’ll never get sick of it. Anne’s voice was just as pretty as her, it was so soothing, gorgeous, and so melodic. She could fall asleep listening to it, she really could. And god what a dream that was. Falling asleep to Anne’s singing? She’d sell her soul for that, and she’d never regret doing it.
It didn’t take long for them to reach the park, it was probably a ten minute drive at the most? Sasha didn’t really know, she was distracted for most of the ride.
The both of them got out the car and walked to the entrance in a comfortable silence. The park was gorgeous really, the trees didn’t have a lot of leaves on them, and the grass wasn’t really that pretty of a green, but still, Something about it just made it so pretty.
Sasha followed Anne when she saw her start walking towards a picnic table, it was under some pretty canopy thing. She didn’t know what to call it, she just knew it looked nice.
“why did you wanna come here?” Sasha asked, taking another glance at the huge park. “Because why not?” Anne shrugged, “it’s a nice day out, and i saw the park and was like ‘omg we should all hang!’ didn’t really work out as planned though, really sucky that Marcy couldn’t come.” Anne continued as she hopped onto the table.
“Yeah, maybe next time though, it would be fun.” “yeah for su-“ Anne gasped, “swings! come on let’s go to the swings!” she said as she jumped off the table and started running towards them. Sasha followed of course, she just didn’t run.
Why Anne loved swings so much? She didn’t know, but it was one of the many things that Sasha loved about the girl. How excited she got over swings, it was endearing.
She watched as Anne sat on one of the swings, “Sash! Come push me!” she heard Anne yell. She gave a thumbs up as she sped up, finally getting to the swings.
“You’re such a child, you know that right?” Sasha said once she got close to Anne, “Yeah, but you love me.” Anne grinned. Sasha rolled her eyes with a laugh “Yeah, sure.”
She heard Anne laugh as she went behind her and started to push. Anne’s laugh was so pretty, god everything about her was so pretty. She’d give everything to have Anne in her arms. But she was content with this.
She’d be okay with just being friends. Sasha’s okay with their whole dynamic, especially because she knows this way she’d never lose her, and that comforted her. She won’t lose Anne again, and she never wanted to. Staying like this would be for the best. She knows that now.
And sure it aches her heart knowing that she’d never get that far with Anne, but she’ll learn to live with it. After all, as long as she has Anne with her in some way, she’ll be okay.
“Hey Sash?” Anne asked at some point after Sasha stopped pushing. “Yeah?” She responded, looking towards the other girl. “Thank you, for everything.” She spoke, her voice warm with sincerity. “Of course” Sasha smiled warmly. “I love you Sash, you’re a really great friend.” Anne added. “I love you too Anna.”
Yeah, she’d definitely be okay. Anne would never leave her, and she would never leave Anne. Sure they’re just friends, but it’s okay. She can stay like that for however long it will take. Anne meant everything to her, and if straying friends is what will keep them together, then she’d gladly stay like that.
___________________
and i’ll be okay admiring from afar
cause even when she’s next to me
we could not be more far apart
and she taste like birthday cake and storytime and fall
but to her, i taste of nothing at all