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Since then, I have not stepped foot into Dragonspine.
Memories of my time in the desolate mountain faded, muddled, and buried. An approximate of no more than twenty percent of the human brain is spent to store memories like these, and while a homunculus like me can surpass these limitations to an extent, I am only but a near-perfect simulacrum of the real thing. I too, forget things I do not wish to remember. Were it a blessing, it gives respite from unpleasant feelings and emotional resilience. But it is also a curse; to adapt and learn is to experience it whole, failure to remember it makes you susceptible to the same pain.
But that time, I did not want to learn from it. I did not want to adapt from it. How cruel it is that it is possible to experience such pain again, and again. To find happiness, to find meaning, to find what it is to live and to love. To find the very thing that humans live their entire lives to search for, the one I was born to replicate, the human magnum opus, my magnum opus… only for me to lose it. To lose you.
While I remember the pain, the anguish, the emotional turmoil of unimaginable proportions, the day and the days prior escape me. The only remembrances I can gather from those moments were leaves of notes on books and parchments describing studies and research that I engrossed myself at the time. These studies, I remember. But nothing more. Some call this trauma, or functional amnesia, akin to retrograde amnesia. Confident I was to be immune to such shortcomings, but this is a weakness of mine that I have learned. Although it is not a surprise; you have always been my weakness.
In that sense, I do remember your birthday. You visited me that day, a smile on your face. Paimon herself was in a particularly good mood, her energy as palpable as ever. But I could not take my eyes off of you; your smile was radiant as you told me it was your birthday.
Albedo, you said to me. I wanted to see you today.
I could only smile back that time, relishing in your aura. It was a moment all too short, and I wanted to capture it. I quickly grabbed my sketchbook, charcoal on hand. I greeted you a happy birthday, and requested to sketch you. I do remember sharing with you a musing in regards to my intentions to do so, about how sketching is an extension of memories. This time, it was you who could only smile back. Looking back on it now, it was a very coy way of me to say that I wanted that moment to last forever. I wanted to keep looking at you like this. Your happiness, immortalized. This very sketch and many others were also remembrances of my time in Dragonspine, none of which I remember lest the subject matter is you. Back then, this sketch of your smile was the spitting image of your radiance, and the subject of my occasional glances as I worked.
But now, I do not need that sketch anymore. A much more perfect image to replicate you exists, and proud I am to achieve this perfection. Since then, I have not sketched a single thing. I do not need to remember any further.
-
I began my studies on transmutation no sooner than a month after that fated day. I have had my fair share of transmutation projects, but something to this scale is not something I dared to learn about. In fact, I avoided it. To transmute a homunculus that perfectly simulated humanity was the main study that pillars the Primordial Human Project. The idea that a product of this project were to study it itself is grotesque. I willed myself to study it anyway, as it was a necessity. I intended to not make a single mistake.
The project, like any other personal transmutation, followed the four fundamental steps of alchemical transmutation. The nigredo stage is the stage of pure decomposition and putrefaction of the prima materia. The choice of prima materia will be reduced to its most basic state in order to allow for alchemical property change and to enter the albedo stage. The prima materia I have used is the same materia as the one used in the Primordial Human Project. While process of extraction of said materia is inherently different than the one in the project, I have assured beforehand that it has the same physical and alchemical properties as the one mentioned in the notes.
Albedo stage will begin the purification of the materia, removing all impurities and stabilizing its physical constant. In this stage, we begin to see the formation of primordial cells. Once stabilized, it will enter the citrinitas stage and further refine itself, allowing the formation of organs. Alchemical energy is imbued during this stage as well, allowing for these organs to function properly. The subject will then go between albedo and citrinitas, repeatedly going through purification and refinement until systems are formed and the body can remain functioning on its own. Until then we will reach rubedo, in which we see formation of external features such as facial features, hair, and skin. In this stage, sketches of you were all too convenient of a reference.
The entire process took about a year. I made sure everything was correct; the length and volume of hair, the body proportions, weight, and height. Once the subject was complete, it took about a week for you to stabilize yourself. At first, you were rather cataplectic; your muscles were more than capable of movement, and I knew you were conscious, but you seemed to choose not to move. It was only until a week that you began to show signs of curiosity. First, only your eyes wandered, but quickly began to attempt to move on your own as you noticed me hovering over you in observation. It was here that I found out that you learn fairly quickly.
You still have not mastered the ability to properly walk. I have no intentions of teaching you.
You successfully began to respond to the name Aether in the second week. The entire time I have not uttered a single word to you other than your name and avoided any form of verbal communication. You're quite adept in body language and rather enthusiastic in movement. You had the same vigor as you always had. Although ignoring your natural urge of attempting to repeat your name to me (which always resulted in a noise similar to whimper), I refrained to encourage your attempts to procure any kind of noise that didn't sound like your name. Soon, you learned not to do so. You learned that actions met with ignorance and coldness were actions not to be repeated. Your vocal cords remain underdeveloped.
You ate and slept well. While you learn the natural processes of daily living as a human being, I have you stowed away in a place where no one can hinder your growth. To reduce further impediments, I have you sleep and eat with me as well, to keep you close by. I have prohibited you from leaving the room and prohibited anybody from entering. I limited your access to books and have no intentions of developing your literacy. These precautions ensured your safety and I made sure no one else gets in the way.
-
One day, I kissed you. I do not remember when, and why.
At first you were alarmed, knowing this form of contact was foreign. To encourage you, I kissed you repeatedly, to which you took as an opportunity to learn and return the gesture. I held you gently in response, to which you shuddered and quickly relaxed in my arms. Naught did you protest and continued to kiss me as I held you close. It was this point you realize that this action was to be taken positively and actively yearned it after. I initially had no intention of teaching you romantic gestures and the idea of intimacy. This was an unexpected result, but welcome regardless.
The more you yearned for this intimate act, the more I obliged you.
I began to realize how beautiful you were. I began to appreciate your golden hair, amber eyes, and slender features. Were you always this gorgeous? I mused to myself, but of course, this is how you've always been. This, I remember. I remember, how you concluded your adventure across the world in search of your kin, and you came back to Mondstadt to bid your farewells to everyone.
But I do not remember why you did so. It does not matter. I do not need to remember any further.
I have found happiness in you, and lucky I am to be able to keep it. You will have no need to leave my side, no need for others, acquaintances, or duties. You will heed to my every need, and understand me more than any being on this world, as you always have. You are my greatest achievement yet, in both art and alchemy. An extension of my memory, my happiness immortalized, my magnum opus.
My dear, dear Aether.