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Colorful Cooking | The Queen's Network
Swatch Paletta hosts as 4 chefs go head to head, creating an original 3-course meal based on a famous piece of art. The last chef standing takes home Paletta's respect and a cool 10,000 dark dollars.
Spamton G. Spamton was famous. Well, not *really* famous. He wasn't quite on the same level as say, the Queen, or whatever. But he'd appeared on a few commercials, made a few deals, maybe ran a few social media accounts with several million followers. You know, as any big shot salesman does. It's very important that you know that worked for his success, for his huge penthouse, for his luxury suits. And so Spamton G. Spamton, as a side effect of being somewhat famous, was also somewhat stressed.
Being rich was nice, but the routine the salesman had worked himself into had made him somehow both exhausted and antsy. In his drive for success, he'd lost contact with a fair few of his old friends, and dropped most of his hobbies. He was itching for something to do, something besides the constant drone of work.
And that's how, Spamton G. Spamton, semi-famous salesman and occasional commercial personality, stumbled across Colorful Cooking. Or more specifically, a certain reality tv host.
Colorful Cooking had gained quite the reputation on social media for having a somewhat… unruly fandom. Typically, you wouldn't think that a cooking show would have a particularly prolific fanbase, but Colorful Cooking had one standout element that had made it a breakout sensation: Swatch Paletta.
Swatch had a soothing, rich voice, an effortlessly elegant demeanor, and a sense of genuine kindness that was difficult to find in most reality tv shows. And if Spamton had paused in the middle of a few episodes to watch the flex of their biceps while they demonstrated a cooking technique, well, who could blame him?
Spamton, big shot salesman and minor celebrity, ended up falling headfirst into Swatch… "stanning". When he was younger, he'd had quite a bit of experience with fan content, embarrassingly enough. So what if his first crush had been Bumblebee from Transformers?? That's normal and respectable!!
Regardless, old habits die hard, and so Spamton makes an alt account to join his thirsting respectful comrades, the "Swatchlings".
It started as a perfectly normal admiration, really. Swatch was the type of darkner anyone would look up to. They were courteous, accomplished, skilled- honestly, the ideal partner. The kind of monster that parents and their children alike dreamed of marrying into their family. And this trail of thought was, perhaps, the kiss of death.
Look, Spamton knew how to be discreet. He was fully aware of the kind of scandal that could come out if the media found out about his… innocent interest in Swatch. But that didn't mean he couldn't… fantasize a little bit, right? So he followed a few "Imagine: You're Dating Swatch Paletta" accounts, big deal. And when this turned into a bookmarked list of full "Swatch x reader" fanfictions? Nothing wrong with that! Just a bit of harmless fun, really!
And so Spamton G. Spamton, business tycoon, big shot, may have… gone a bit crazy. Soon enough, his Colorful Cooking obsession had begun to bleed through more than just his free time. His typically honed focus during business meetings dulled into straying thoughts of Swatch's honey-thick voice, telling him how to make a pixel paella. A flash of light on the tiles in his office brought to mind a whirlwind of thoughts about their iridescent dark blue-black feathers that shone emerald under the harsh lights of the studio.
The final straw came when he was writing an important email to one of his biggest investors. Somewhere along the line he'd zoned out, fingers moving automatically on the keyboard and mind wandering to when he'd be able to get back on his phone and finish that fantasy au Swatch x reader fic he'd been reading…
Swatchs orange and yellow orbs looked at me ponderingly. "Do I have something on my face?' I askedd . 'yes '. Said the buff bird . "Your cute smile "
AHHHH BACKSPACE BACKSPACE BACKSPACE. "What the hell are you doing!" Spamton thought to himself, "You're a professional! You don't have time for this shit!" He shook his head and slapped his cheeks a few times to bring his focus back. "You've made it this far, Spam… you can't fuck it up now with a stupid mistake…" wait. Now wasn't that a thought. He's made it this far…
Now, there's no way a being like Swatch could ever exist, right. Perfectly skilled, well-mannered, AND attractive? The guy definitely had to have some sort of secret. Maybe they were edited by special effects staff after filming, or were just reciting a script the whole time. If only Spamton could meet them in real life. Then the illusion would be broken and he could forget about all of this… stuff. And then he'd be back to normal. Obviously.
Spamton's thoughts continued to spin, linking into a convoluted web of a plan only a fool would think to execute.
In a feverish burst of energy, his hand reached for his shiny black rotary phone, ringing up a number with practiced ease and leaning into the receiver.
"Hey, Mike? Any chance you could do a guy a favor and pull a few strings in the TV industry for me?"
Chef Swatch’s Signature Pixel Paella Recipe
A classic pixel dish typically made with a blend of files debugged and served in one program.
