Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Bones! Why aren’t you dressed?” Jim asked, taking it upon himself to let himself into his best friend’s apartment. Bones was lounging on the couch, a bourbon in one hand and a PADD in the other, wearing a pair of Ole Miss sweatpants and a hoodie that Jim was about 85% sure was his. Nothing about his best friend looked ready to go out. 

“Pretty sure I’m wearing clothes, last I checked,” Bones said without so much as looking up from his PADD. “And would it kill you to buzz the door every once and a while?”

“Oh, Bones, it’s really cute that you still think you’re going to get me to do that,” Jim said, “Now go get dressed. I promised Sulu we’d help set up, we can’t be too late.”

“I’m not going to Sulu’s stupid…” Bones trailed off when he finally looked up and saw what Jim was wearing. His hazel eyes widened and Jim was pretty sure if he’d been drinking at the time he would’ve spit his bourbon all over the couch. “Good God, man, what on God’s green earth is on your sweater?”

“It’s a holiday owl!”

“The fuck is a ‘holiday owl’? Jim, that ain’t a thing.”

“Anything’s a thing if you want it to be,” Jim pointed out, puffing out his chest a bit further to show off his holiday sweater, which featured a three dimensional owl adorned with a strand of blinking lights and clutching a Christmas tree in its talons. “It plays music, too, look!” he said, pressing on one of the owl’s eyes as an instrumental version of jingle bells began playing from the sweater.

“You’re gonna give someone a damn seizure in that thing,” Bones rolled his eyes, and Jim could tell he was fighting a smile. “You look asinine.”

“I look great. Now what’s this about you not going to Sulu’s party? I thought you were going to introduce us all to your new fling. You can’t stand him up!” 

“He ain’t a fling, Jim, he’s my boyfriend, and he has a name. He’s gonna be late anyhow, he’s stuck in a surgery that’s running long. I obviously told him not to bother coming.”

“Well tell him to bother! Seriously, Bones, you’ve been dating this man for months now and even I haven’t met him,” Jim said, trying not to let on just how much that fact annoyed him. “And besides, the Sulu holiday party is always a great time, at least so I hear. Apparently Ben used to be an event planner, they go all out.”

“You’re not selling me on this,” Bones grumbled, “And besides, even if I did want to go, which I don’t, by the way, I hardly have one of those monstrosities to wear.”

“Anticipating this outcome, I brought one for you!” Jim exclaimed, pulling the sweater out of the bag he was carrying and throwing it at his best friend’s face. Bones made an expression that made it seem like he’d just been shit on by a bird. “Now go get changed. There’s an open bar and I heard they bought real good top shelf shit.”

“Now you’re speaking my language,” Bones said, pushing himself off the couch with a grunt, as though he were suddenly twice his age. “I’ll go under one condition: you make those damn lights stop flashing.”

“Done,” Jim agreed, tapping the owl’s other eye twice to change the lights from blinking to solid color. It wasn’t nearly as obnoxious this way, but it was a small price to pay to spend the evening at his best friend’s side.

Jim had a blast the first half of the Sulus’ holiday party. It was always great spending time with the crew outside of a work setting, he got to see a display of truly horrendous sweaters for various winter holidays celebrated by Hikaru and Ben’s friends, and Bones’ drawl always dripped slow and smooth like honey after a few drinks, which never failed to send a shiver down Jim’s spine that he tried not to examine too closely. Bones was a warm and sure presence at Jim’s side, the drinks were damn good, somehow Uhura had managed to get Spock into a Hanukkah sweater featuring a god awful pun, and someone had started a game of beer pong at this “fancy adult” holiday party. It was a great night. Then Bones’ boyfriend showed up.

It wasn’t that Jim had anything against Alex on principle. Well, maybe he did, he sure took up a lot of Bones’ time and Jim never had been good at sharing. That and the fact that he’d yet to meet him made him wonder if he was a “my boyfriend lives on Andoria” situation. But he was a cardiologist at SFM, Bones really seemed to like him, and Jim had no reason to suspect that he was anything less than a great man and a brilliant doctor, though obviously not as brilliant as Bones. Going into the party, Jim’s main concern had been that niggling jealous voice in his head that didn’t want to play third wheel with his best friend. After all, despite all of his complaints about his ex-wife early in their friendship, Bones generally had pretty good taste in partners, even if things didn’t tend to work out. Alex, however, proved to be an exception. 

Jim hated him pretty much from the moment he showed up at the party and introduced himself with a kiss on his cheek. Bones was beaming with his arm around Alex’s waist and Jim was trying not to scowl because he had no real reason to have a problem with this man. He bothered Jim in a way he couldn’t quite put his finger on, and he was pretty sure only about 25% of it was jealousy. Jim had always had good instincts with people, and something about Alex seemed…off. Untrustworthy. He couldn’t explain it, so he played the good best friend for as long as he felt like he needed to, then excused himself to use the bathroom and just found someone else to talk to when he came back.

Eventually, Jim got bitter about how Bones was working the room, one arm around Alex’s waist as they talked and laughed together, so he slipped into the backyard to mope. Like a child, a voice that sounded a lot like Bones’ said in his head. Sulu’s backyard was practically a rainforest right on the outskirts of San Francisco, complete with probably hundreds of exotic plants from around the galaxy and a bubbling waterfall. Jim had enough experience with Sulu’s plants back on the Enterprise to know not to touch anything. 

“Are you hiding in the backyard?” a familiar voice asked from behind him, and Jim turned around to see Chapel, a bottle of beer in her hand and wearing a cable knit sweater with a reindeer pattern and interwoven lights. 

“I’m not hiding, I’m just getting some air,” Jim rolled his eyes. He really didn’t want to discuss whatever he was feeling with Chapel of all people. They got along fine - lately - but she was more Bones’ friend than Jim’s. Truthfully he just didn’t know her all that well, what with her not technically being senior staff and Bones always insisting on micromanaging every single aspect of Jim’s care himself, but Bones loved her and so Jim assumed she was great, probably. 

“Sure you are,” Chapel snorted and sat down next to Jim at the edge of the patio. “I’m sure your presence out here has nothing to do with McCoy’s new boyfriend’s presence in there.”

Jim was neither going to confirm nor deny that. Instead, he turned the question back around to her, “Well, why are you out here? Came to make fun of me for drinking a beer on the patio alone? It’s not nice to make fun of the sick and injured, you know.”

“Yeah, I happen to know you’re perfectly healthy, Lord knows McCoy scans you enough and I do have your medical files. You can’t claim that forever.”

“I was dead, I can do whatever I want. And besides, you never answered my question.”

“Same as you, I guess. Well,l not same as you, as you’re out here to avoid seeing McCoy with Doctor Anderson, and I’m just out here avoiding seeing Anderson in general.”

“Bones always made fun of alliteration names,” Jim grumbled and Chapel laughed,

“I’ve never understood the relationship between the two of you and I don’t care to try.”

“Wait, you know Alex?” Jim asked, just catching up on exactly what she had said. He supposed it shouldn’t surprise him, after all he knew Bones met his new boyfriend at SFM shortly after they got back to earth.. But it somehow surprised him anyways, because a weird part of him wasn’t convinced Alex was a real person, despite having just met the man.

“Oh yeah, all of SFM knows Asshole Alex Anderson. He’s the biggest asshole in the entire hospital, probably one of the worst in all of ‘fleet medical.”

“I thought Bones was the biggest asshole in SFM,” Jim said. At least Bones liked to pretend he was, though people who knew him knew he was all bark and no bite.

“No, McCoy is the biggest hardass in all of SFM, there’s a difference. I guess you haven’t really seen him at work much. McCoy doesn’t tolerate incompetence.”

“Ain’t that the truth.”

“Thing is, though, it’s mostly ego that pisses him off when people don’t have anything to back it up with. New residents always come in terrified of him ‘cause he talks a big game but everyone realizes there are few better doctors to learn from, so long as you’re willing to check your ego at the door and ask questions when you have them. I would’ve transferred off the Enterprise in a hot second if McCoy was even half the asshole he likes to pretend to be,” Chapel explained. It was fascinating to hear about Bones from someone else’s perspective, but at the same time Jim could’ve told anyone that Bones was a lot more patient and kind than he first appeared. 

“And Anderson?”

Chapel took a pull of her beer and sighed, “Let’s just say that there will come a day when McCoy and Anderson scrub in in a surgery together and that will be the last time you need to worry about that man.”

Jim knit his brows together, “Let’s not just say that. What do you mean, Bones always talks about Alex like he’s some kinda genius.”

“Oh, he’s smart all right, that’s the only way he’s been able to get away with the kind of shit he does. I’ve scrubbed in with him loads of times, man has an ego the size of the sun. Here, I think this is best explained with an example: I’ve suggested alternate treatment ideas to McCoy in the middle of surgery many times, and he always takes my opinion and experience seriously and sometimes he decides he agrees with me. On the other hand, I once pointed out to Anderson that what he was going to do was going to kill the patient if he kept with it and he kicked me out of the OR for ‘speaking out of turn’, used my alternate idea, and claimed he’d thought of it himself.”

“Wow,” Jim whistled low, “What does Bones even see in this man?”

“I’m pretty sure he’s under the impression that Anderson’s reputation has been exaggerated in a similar way to how his has. They won’t last, so you don’t need to worry, McCoy has way too much integrity to tie himself to someone like Anderson long term, but God do I hate having to be in the same room as that man. I fucking celebrated when he banned me from ‘his’ operating room, I hardly want to see him in my personal time,” she explained, then took another long pull of her beer. Jim raised his eyebrows at her,

“I feel like you think you know why I hate the guy, but that’s absurd because I don’t even know what it is about him that makes me want to punch him in the nose.”

“Oh, honey,” Chapel said, patting his shoulder soothingly.

“What?!” 

“You’re something else,” she said, shaking her head, but Jim never found out what she meant by that because Bones poked his head out the backdoor and said,

“Jim, quit sitting in the cold, you damn maniac, you’re gonna catch your death out here. Let’s get out of here, this damn sweater is making me itch.”

And, because Jim had always been completely fucked when it came to Bones, he was on his feet in a second, bidding Chapel a goodnight as he followed Bones back into the house. She just rolled her eyes in response.

It was absurd, Jim thought, that they could zoom around the galaxy faster than the speed of light but nobody had thought of a way to hang up Christmas lights that didn’t make the person hanging them contemplate homicide. His original idea had been to decorate Pike’s house for him while the admiral was at physical therapy. Jim had a lot of experience doing physical jobs, he used to do shit like this Iowa all the time, and Pike had had a hell of a year without the aid of augment blood in his recovery. It seemed like the least he could do for the man who was more like a father than anyone else he’d ever had. But then Pike’s neighbor down the street had seen Jim up on the roof, mistaken him for a professional, and offered him a good chunk of credits to do her roof before her husband came home as a surprise. Jim was, to borrow a phrase from Bones, a starship captain, not a professional holiday decorator, but he was still stuck on light duty and honestly didn’t mind the work, so he’d agreed. And that’s when it went south.

Jim was at the edge of the roof, fixing one of the lights and complaining under his breath about the fact that every other light on the goddamn planet lasted for decades without problems but the second you put them on a string they’d break if you simply looked at them funny. The woman who owned the house, who introduced herself as Isabella, had spent the afternoon outside “supervising”, which Jim knew for a fact was just an excuse to flirt and look at his ass when he bent over to attach a strand of lights. As a rule, he didn’t get involved with people in relationships without permission from all parties, it just got messy, but she was pretty and he didn’t have any qualms about humoring her. If she wanted to stare at his ass for 3 hours, so be it. It was all going fine until a fancy hovercar pulled into the driveway. Isabella tore her eyes away from Jim and grinned brightly,

“Oh, my husband is home early! Hun, I got the lights done, come see!”

Jim could only stare in horror as he saw who got out of the car. In fact, he very nearly fell off the roof, and only just managed to hold on because he knew Bones would hand his ass to him if he fell. 

“Alex, this is Jim, he was doing Pike and Boyce’s lights, hasn’t he done a great job? Jim, this is my husband, Dr. Alex Anderson. He’s a cardiologist at Starfleet Medical,” Isabella said, beaming with pride. Jim kind of wanted to throw up, but also really wanted to punch Alex in the jaw even more than usual. Somehow, he managed to squeak out,

“Nice to meet you.”

Alex stared up at him in mutual realization and horror, obviously recognizing him from Sulu’s party a couple weeks back. Jim was certain that he was going to say something if he stayed there for too long, and he had no idea what to do in this situation, so he invented a broken light on the other side of the roof and got the hell out of that situation as fast as he could.

Normally, when Jim was facing a moral dilemma, he’d go to Bones. But, for obvious reasons, that just wasn’t an option right now so, since he was literally in the neighborhood, he hightailed it over to Pike’s as soon as he finished at the Andersons’. Pike’s husband Phil answered the door and initially told him that Pike had just gotten back from physical therapy and was too tired for visitors, but Pike had called out “let the damn kid in, Phil!”, and so let in Jim was. Both Boyce and Pike thanked Jim for hanging up their Christmas lights, Boyce made them both some tea - herbal, as Pike was still off caffeine from some of the meds he was on - and left him sitting on the couch with Pike, who was doing that thing where he tried to stare into his soul. Finally, after a few minutes of silent tea drinking, Pike said,

“Spit it out while we’re both still alive, son.”

Jim winced and took another drink of his tea. Sure, Jim joked about his own brush with death - well, it was more like being hit head on with death - but Pike talking about his own experience just brought Jim back to when he’d thought his mentor really had died. Maybe this was how Bones felt when Jim joked. 

But that wasn’t the point of right now, and Jim couldn’t allow himself to get distracted. He took another swallow of his tea then said,

“So your neighbor saw me putting your lights up, offered me some credits to hang hers up before her husband came home.”

Pike arched a rather Bones-like eyebrow and Jim flushed a bit when he realized what Pike thought he’d been doing,

“No, not like that! It’s not a euphemism, though I swear she was thinking about offering. Anyways, her husband came home as I was finishing up, and her husband is Bones’ fucking boyfriend!”

“Well, that’s quite the pickle you seem to have found yourself in, Kirk. Which neighbors are these?”

“His name is Alex Anderson, he’s a cardiologist at SFM. His wife’s name is Isabella, they’re at that really boring gray house down the street.”

“McCoy is dating Anderson?” Boyce interrupted from the kitchen, where he was definitely not eavesdropping while making dinner. “I really thought the kid had better sense than that.”

Jim felt the need to defend his friend, though he really had no idea what to say in Bones’ defense. He also thought Bones had better taste than this. Instead, he did something of the opposite,

“Christine Chapel hates him too, says she thinks Bones’ll dump him the second they end up in surgery together.”

Boyce nodded, not looking up from the carrots he was chopping, “I would agree with that. Doesn’t surprise me that Anderson didn’t tell anyone at the hospital he was married. Slimy bastard. This is what I get for taking a leave of absence, the hospital is turning into some damn old soap opera.”

“I told you, Phil, you don’t have to stay home on my account,” Pike said, and this was probably an argument they’d had dozens of times because Boyce didn’t even justify it with a response. Pike turned back to Jim, and said, “Let me guess, you came here to ask me what you’re supposed to do now.”

Jim just nodded in response and Pike sighed,

“Kirk, you’re a smart man, as much as you sometimes do your best to not act like it. You know exactly what you’re supposed to do now.”

“I’m going to break his heart,” Jim said, voicing out loud what he’d been thinking constantly since Alex had gotten out of that damn car. “Bones hasn’t been in a relationship since some short term thing our second year at the Academy. Alex is supposed to go home with him for Christmas. I’m going to break his heart, and I don’t know if I can do that to him.”

“Sooner or later, McCoy is going to find out. Do you really want him to invest even more of his time in this relationship? It’ll hurt less now than later.”

“Maybe Bones already knows,” Jim speculated, mostly ignoring what Pike had just said, “Maybe they have an arrangement or something.”

Boyce snorted from the kitchen but Pike glared at him so he said nothing. 

“That may well be, but, Jim, McCoy is going to appreciate you telling him the truth. Maybe he knows, maybe he doesn’t, he’s a grown man and it’s his choice what he does with what you tell him, but you can’t be short sighted with this. I think you know your only choice is to tell him. You should know better than I do that he’s not going to blame you for it.”

Jim nodded, because Pike was right, he knew Bones wouldn’t blame him. But it didn’t change the fact that he wanted to protect his friend from this, even if it was only for a short time. 

“You’re right,” Jim admitted, “God, I wish I hadn’t seen anything at all.”

“Say, Jim, what are your plans for Christmas?” Pike asked and Jim tilted his head and stared at his mentor in confusion, then looked over at Boyce,

“Is he still having problems from the head trauma?”

“He can hear you,” Pike grumbled.

“Quit with the non-sequiturs, Chris, they just confuse people. What he was trying to say is that you and McCoy are both welcome to come here for Christmas if McCoy decides not to go home after all.”

“And you’re welcome regardless,” Pike said, “You know you always have a place here if you want it.”

“I don’t think Bones’ll stick around, he’s gonna get to see his daughter this Christmas. And I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“If it was imposing, we wouldn’t have invited you,” Pike pointed out.

“I might just take you up on that, sir,” Jim smiled. He wasn’t always the biggest fan of Christmas, after all he rarely had people to spend it with, but having Christmas with Pike and his husband sounded like by far his best option. Well, his best option that was at all likely to happen, that is.

“Hey, now, what have I told you about calling me sir when I’m wearing my damn pajamas?” Pike said and Jim just laughed.

Chapter Text

Pike had let him stay for dinner so long as he promised to go talk to Bones as soon as he left. There wasn’t any good in leaving before dinner anyways, Jim had argued, as Bones was working that day and definitely wouldn’t be home until the evening. It was always nice, being there. It felt like having a family dinner, not that Jim would really know what that felt like. After dinner, he was kicked to the curb so Pike could go to bed early, and he spent an hour wandering the city, working up the nerve to go break his own best friend’s heart. He ended up grabbing some of Bones’ favorite cake in an attempt to soften the blow, and then headed over to the building where Bones kept an apartment while they were on earth.

“I have cake!” Jim called as he entered the apartment.

“Buzzer, Jim!” Bones called back. He poked his head out of his bedroom, and Jim could see he had just gotten out of the shower. He was wearing pants, most likely, but he definitely wasn’t wearing a shirt and he was in the process of rubbing his wet hair with a towel. Jim tried not to stare, but probably failed. Bones had a good body, and Jim was just a man, he couldn’t help but notice these things. Maybe the poorly hidden ogling would cover up the poorly hidden nerves that Jim was sure were painted all over his face. Evidently not, though, because Bones only gave him until they were one bite of cake each in to ask,

“Jim, what the hell is the matter with you?”

“What makes you think there’s something the matter with me?” Jim asked, crossing and uncrossing his legs nervously. Bones rolled his eyes,

“You’re a terrible liar. You brought me cake and you look constipated so just get on with it for both of our sakes.”

“Uh, you’re not going to like this.”

“I don’t like half the shit you say.”

“That’s a lie.”

“Quit distracting me and just tell me whatever it is you came all the way over here to tell me.”

“‘All the way over here’, Bones I’m like a 10 minute walk down the street.”

“Jim!”

“Fine, fine, sorry,” Jim said with a laugh. Nobody was better at working Jim’s nerves out than Bones, even when Bones was the reason he had nerves in the first place. He really hated that he had to do this to his best friend. “So, uh, after I finished the lights at Pike’s place, his neighbor asked me to do hers as a surprise for her husband.”

Bones’ eyebrow was hanging around near his hairline already, and Jim knew why,

“God, why does everyone think that means sex?! I did not sleep with this woman!”

“Uh huh.”

“I’m serious! Anyways, her husband comes home and…” Jim paused and took a deep, steadying breath. He wanted to make sure Bones knew he was taking this seriously. “Bones, I really really hate to be the one to tell you this, but her husband is Alex. Your Alex.”

Bones blinked twice, and any traces of good humor were off his face in an instant.

“You’re sure?” Bones asked finally, far too quietly for Jim’s liking.

“She introduced him and everything. But even if she hadn’t…”

“Right, photographic memory, I forgot,” Bones interrupted, and the worst part is he didn’t even sound angry or sad, just tired. It broke Jim’s heart. Part of him wanted nothing more than to laugh it off, pretend he was kidding, and do anything he needed to do to get that wounded look off Bones’ face. Instead he wrapped his hand around Bones’ wrist,

“Bones, I’m so sorry.”

“It ain’t your fault, Jim,” Bones sighed so deeply Jim wasn’t sure how he couldn't possibly have that much breath in his lungs. “Thank you for telling me. Now, I don’t mean to kick you out, but I really need to comm Alex.”

“Do you not believe me?” Jim asked, because, though he hadn’t spoken that allowed even to Pike, he’d been worried about that too. Would Bones just take his word for it? 

“Of course I believe you. It makes a bit too much sense, if I’m being honest with myself. I just…I just need a minute.”

“Yeah, yeah of course, I totally understand,” Jim nodded, standing up and pulling his arms into the sleeves of his jacket. “Let me know if you need anything. Anything. And Bones? I’m really fucking sorry he did this to you. I’ll kick his ass if you want.”

The corners of Bones’ mouth upturned slightly into a ghost of a smile,

“I’ll let you know. Thanks, Jim. At least I know I can count on you to not stab me in the damn back.”

And, really, there was absolutely no reason for the twinge in Jim’s gut at those words, but there it was anyway. Maybe he should get that checked out.

For as much shit as Bones gave him for “breaking into” his apartment - Jim maintained it didn’t count since Bones had given him the code - Bones was nearly equally as guilty. Probably worse, because at least Jim didn’t break into Bones’ apartment while Bones was sleeping. Usually. Bones, on the other hand, was sitting on Jim’s couch sipping a coffee the next morning when Jim dragged himself out of bed. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw the figure in his living room.

“Jesus, Bones, that the fuck?” Jim asked, slumping down on the couch next to his friend. Bones looked like he’d barely slept, if he had at all. His dark circles were darker than usual, and Jim had a strange urge to softly run his thumbs over them. He stole Bones’ coffee instead, just for something to do with his hands. 

“Quit that,” Bones snapped, swatted Jim in the hand, and stole the coffee back.

“What is wrong with you? Did you get possessed by some weird, manic alien or something? You’ve got this crazy look in your eyes.”

“I broke up with Alex,” Bones said, as if that explained literally anything about this situation.

“I’m sorry? Good for you? How much coffee have you had ?”

“I tried that new Tellurite cafe in my building, damn place is serving a large coffee with the equivalent of 10 fucking shots of espresso.”

“Okay, I’m taking this from you for your own safety. You’ll thank me later,” Jim said as he pried the coffee mug out of Bones’ hand. This was the normal shit, in fact Jim was nearly certain this was his coffee, but the last thing Bones needed right now was more caffeine. Bones made a rather uncharacteristic whine as Jim downed the rest of his coffee, and Jim filed it away to tease his friend about it later.

“So, you dumped Alex,” Jim said, trying to bring them back to whatever the hell it was that had Bones so wired, other than all the caffeine that is. “And your response was to order a large Tellurite coffee, stay up all night, then camp out in my apartment for God only knows how long?”

“Jim, I need your help with something,” Bones said. 

“Anything.”

“I need you to come to Georgia with me for Christmas.”

“Uh, absolutely, I’d love to, but why…” Jim started, trying not to let himself get too excited over the prospect of what he’d been kind of hoping Bones would ask him for a while, if he was being honest. He wasn’t sure how much of what Bones was saying would be stood by once he’d had some damn sleep.

“I need you to come to Georgia as my boyfriend.”

Shit. “I know this is your line but do you have some sort of head injury? I’m not doing that.”

“I already told my family I was bringing someone home, this is all so damn humiliating I don’t want to explain this whole thing to everyone I know.”

“Well then tell them he got sick or something! I’m not going to pretend to be your boyfriend, Bones, that’s insane! You do realize that’s a recipe for disaster, right? That never ever ends well. Not in real life, that is.”

“Jim…”

“No, ya know what, you’re being really weird right now, so why don’t you go the hell to sleep and then we’ll talk, okay?” Jim said. He was absolutely not entertaining this idea. He knew he’d been teetering on the edge of having feelings for his best friend for a while now - and if he was being honest with himself, which he tended to avoid as a rule, he knew he was already there - and he knew enough to know that pretending to be Bones’ boyfriend in Georgia for two weeks would only end in him getting his heart broken. He’d do anything for Bones, of course, but it was going to take a hell of a lot more convincing to talk him into this. 

“I’m fine, and I ain’t gonna be able to sleep anyways,” Bones argued.

“You’re not fine, you’re being weird, and I’ve still got leftover sleeping pills that you gave me when I was having nightmares after, ya know…”

“Fine. But I ain’t sleeping on your couch, this thing might as well be a pile of bricks.”

“Bed’s all yours, Bones, so long as you wake up with a less terrible idea,” Jim offered.

“This is the least terrible idea. I’ve thought about it all damn night,” Bones argued.

“Well, think about it some more. I’m going for a run, I hope you enjoy thinking about how you’ve just lost the right to ever bitch about me breaking into your apartment ever again. At least you’re awake when I walk in. Usually.”

Jim could tell Bones was tired because the only thing he had to offer in response to that was a terse,

“Fuck you.”

Jim absolutely was not watching Bones sleep, because that would be weird and creepy. He was simply staring at Bones, waiting to see how long it would take him to wake up if someone was looking at him intensely. It was a joke, and it was entirely different than watching someone sleep. Bones had been out cold, sprawled out in Jim’s bed in a way that made Jim’s heart do something funny, for about five hours. If he slept much longer, he’d be bitching about his sleep schedule being fucked for days. So Jim was being a good friend and waking him up. And he was doing this by staring at him as hard as he could, because he was an asshole. And he was noticing the soft angles of Bones’ face in sleep and how strong and comfortable his arms looked wrapped around a pillow because…whatever, he wasn’t thinking about that. 

Bones woke up suddenly, only a few minutes into the exercise. He always had been a light sleeper.

“What the fuck?!” Bones snapped as his sleep-bleary hazel eyes met Jim’s. Bones whipped a pillow at Jim’s head as hard as he could, but considering that he’d only just woken up his aim wasn’t the best and Jim caught it easily.

“Payback’s a bitch, Bones,” Jim laughed and tossed the pillow back to his friend.

“Fuck you,” Bones grumbled, showing Jim his middle finger for further effect. Bones stretched, the fabric of his deep red t-shirt stretching across the muscles of his chest and exposing a sliver of his belly. Jim forced himself to look away. “I’m never drinking Tellurite coffee again,” Bones complained, lying back in Jim’s bed and burying his face in a pillow. “That shit ain’t fit for human consumption.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me,” Jim laughed. He yanked the pillow out of Bones’ hands, propped it up against the headboard, and sat down on the bed beside his friend with a friendly tap to Bones’ shin with his foot. “You sure that was just coffee, man? You were spouting some weird ass ideas this morning.”

Bones forced himself into sitting with a groan, shoulder to shoulder in the queen bed next to Jim, but wouldn’t quite meet his eyes, “Uh, Jim, about that.”

“Don’t worry about that, I’ll forget it ever happened, no worries.”

“Jim, listen, I didn’t go about that in the best way possible, but I really do need your help. My family have been on my ass to bring someone home for years, and I already told everyone I’d be bringing someone for the holidays. Including Jocelyn. And my mother.”

“Oh,” Jim said, suddenly understanding. It was still a terrible idea. Horrible. But at least he understood where his friend was coming from. Bones’ father’s death had put a major strain on his relationship with his family, his mother in particular. His grandparents had been understanding, his extended family had never learned the truth as far as Jim knew, but his mother had been appalled. They hadn’t spoken at all while they were at the Academy, but after the Narada incident his mother had been spurred on by her son nearly dying to try to rebuild their relationship. Jim only wished he could claim the same. But, regardless, Bones’ relationship with his mother was new and a bit fragile, to say nothing of his truce with Jocelyn. 

“Yeah, oh. I was up all damn night trying to figure out how to get through all this bullshit with my dignity intact.”

“And all you could think of was me playing your boyfriend like our life is some cheesy romcom?” Jim asked, because that still didn’t really sound like a Bones solution to him.

“Trust me, I ain’t any happier about it than you.” Okay, that sounded more like Bones. 

“Fine,” Jim agreed, “But we’re not fucking. Everyone does in the movies and it always makes everything weird and complicated.”

“Jim, this may come as a shock to you, but not everyone wants your dick. And what’re you doing watching those movies anyways?”

“That’s not the point, first of all, and second of all, yes they do. But we’re not fucking. Shake on it,” Jim insisted, mostly as a joke, but at little bit as a promise to himself. Sure, there’s no way in hell Bones would go for it, but on the off chance he did, Jim had to be prepared to not let this whole thing ruin them.

“You’ll do it then?” Bones asked, and damn his eyes were shining a million shades of brown and green and gold, of course Jim would do it. He’d do anything for Bones.

“Shake on it.”

“Fine,” Bones rolled his eyes, “I promise we will not be having sex.”

“Okay,” Jim agreed, “We got ourselves a deal. When do we leave?”

Chapter Text

“So, what’s our story anyways?” Jim asked as Bones drove them along country roads from the shuttle terminal in Atlanta to his grandparents’ farm house in the country. It had been three days since Bones had come up with this horrible plan, and part of Jim was still worried this would end in heartbreak for him, that playing pretend with Bones like this would bring everything he’d been trying to avoid thinking about to light in a way that was impossible to hide or ignore.

“We’ve been together since we got back to earth. We never mentioned it ‘cause we wanted space to figure out where it was going,” Bones said.

“Since we got back to earth? Does that include the part when I was dead?” Jim teased, knocking elbows with Bones as they drove.

“No it does not, jackass. Just keep your damn mouth shut and follow my lead, the less details we have to get tripped up on the better.”

“Okay. And you’re sure you still wanna do this?”

“Yes. I think.”

“Getting cold feet, eh Bones?” Jim asked, shooting his friend a grin. 

“No, but I’ll admit having a plan that even you think is stupid does give me pause.”

“Oh, it’ll be fine. It always is.”

“Except when it’s not.”

“Hey, look at it this way, your last crazy plan brought me back to life, it’ll be fine,” Jim said, not quite sure why he was reassuring Bones about something he still wasn’t sure he should be doing in the first place. Probably because he was the best friend in the universe or something.

“Damn straight,” Bones nodded, clearly boosted by Jim’s vote of confidence, “And the one before that got you on the Enterprise and saved the damn planet.”

“Okay, Bones, don’t get me wrong, I get where you’re coming from, but I do reject the assertion that you went a whole year without doing something crazy because, in case you forgot, I was totally there when you did that medevac on Xanthi IV and…” Jim trailed off, not sure he really needed to go into the details of that weird ass day.

“Okay, okay, I get it, I remember,” Bones winced, “But I would like to point out that also worked.”

“Exactly! You only got stabbed in the shoulder and, really, who needs two!”

“What I’m tryin’ to say is it’ll be fine.”

“I know, what’s what I’m saying! You’re great at bad ideas!”

“No wonder, as I’ve been closely observing yours for the past five damn years,” Bones rolled his eyes.

“I’d like to point out that you joined Starfleet as a severe aviophobe just because you had an existential crisis after your divorce and decided you couldn’t be on the same planet as anyone you knew anymore and that was before you even met me,” Jim said, smirking over at his friend.

“This conversation is over, Jim,” Bones grumbled.

“You’re just saying that ‘cause you know I’m right,” Jim laughed.

“I’ll admit to no such thing.”

“It’s okay, Bones, I know how much you love me,” Jim said in the most sickly sweet tone he could manage, running a hand over Bones’ strong arm. Bones threw a water bottle at him, which was probably fair and definitely worth it.

Jim had met Bones’ grandparents on two occasions - once when they’d attended their graduation, and once when, for some reason Jim couldn’t quite wrap his head around, they’d visited him in the hospital after the whole Kahn ordeal. His own mother hadn’t even come back to earth to see him, and yet there had been Bones’ grandparents with a container of homemade soup that tasted like a childhood Jim hadn’t actually had. Jim thought it was weird, but when asked they had simply said that anyone who was family to their grandchildren was family to them. It had been nice, in a way, but it still stunned him when Bones’ grandparents pulled him in for a big hug and a kiss on the cheek right after they greeted Bones. 

“Oh, Jim, honey, you’re looking so much better. But I think you lost weight. Len, have you been feeding this boy?” 

“He’s a grown man, gram, and he has a replicator. He can feed himself,” Bones rolled his eyes. Jim laughed a little at the flush in Bones’ cheeks when his grandmother had called him by his old childhood nickname that he hated. Or at least claimed to.

“Replicated food ain’t good for the soul,” Bones’ grandpa said, “Now come in out of the cold, you’re letting all the damn warm air out.”

“Is that fried chicken I smell?” Bones asked, placing his hand between Jim’s shoulder blades to guide him inside. Somehow Bones’ hand felt warm even through Jim’s jacket, but the strong and sure presence of Bones’ hand on his back felt far more right than he’d like to admit.

“Of course, dear, we had to make all your favorites,” Bones’ grandma said, leading them all to the set dining room table featuring dishes of fried chicken, collard greens, fried green tomatoes, and homemade biscuits. Normally Bones would go off on some rant about the importance of eating healthy, but as it was Jim was pretty sure his friend was going to start drooling. Even Bones had his weaknesses.  

“And don’t you worry, Jim, Len sent us an extensive list of all your allergies and commed us to make sure we’d read it. Apparently he didn’t want you dying at Christmas, but rest assured you don’t need to worry about anything tonight,” Bones’ grandpa said as they sat down.

“Thank you, sir,” Jim smiled, trying to put on his best old people charming moves. “But I think you’ll find Bones cares a hell of a lot more about that than I do.”

“Damn straight, you reckless idiot,” Bones said. His hand was still on Jim’s back, even now that they were sitting side by side, and he received a couple light taps between the shoulder blades as a sign of affection. Jim itched to return the gesture, but wasn’t sure he trusted his hands not to betray him at the moment. This really wasn’t a good idea.

“Jim, please call us gram and papa,” Bones’ grandma said, “You’re family. Or at least Louise and Henry.”

“You don’t need to be on your best manners here. Nobody else will be,” Bones’ grandpa - Henry - said with a wink. 

“I worked damn hard to train those manners into him, thank you very much,” Bones grumbled, “You should’ve seen him when we first met. Actin’ like he was raised in a barn.”

“I think there’s a certain charm to it,” Jim argued. Bones rolled his eyes and kicked him under the table. Bones’ grandparents certainly noticed, but didn’t say anything, nor did they mention that the two of them were sitting so close their elbows kept knocking as they ate, though Jim supposed that specifically wasn’t all that different from their usual. He never had cared a lot about personal space, and though Bones most definitely did, he never seemed to with Jim. And Jim certainly hadn’t minded, and he found he was minding less and less as time went on.

Dinner was somehow even more delicious than it smelled, which was saying a lot. Jim’s appetite was still a bit lower than it was before the whole thing where he’d died, though he was showing enough improvement that even worrywort Bones wasn’t concerned, and Jim ate more that night than he probably had in at least 6 months. He was almost uncomfortably full, especially with the heavy fried foods and the two biscuits he’d inhaled, but there was still something comfortable about having that feeling again. And of course he would feel more normal than he had in half a year when he was with Bones. That wasn’t exactly a surprise.

After dinner, they set to washing up and made small talk as they did so. It was comfortable, being here with Bones’ grandparents, though he was more than happy to just listen as Bones talked and laughed over shared memories with them. Bones was happy here, loose and relaxed in a way that made Jim feel warm and fuzzy all over. Bones had been his rock for so long, and carried so much on his shoulders, and there was nothing he deserved more than to be this happy, even if they had to go to Georgia to get it.

Jim tried to ignore the sparks that shot through his skin at every casual touch of Bones’ hands to his arms or back as they passed each other while loading the dishes into the ‘fresher and putting away the leftovers. In fact, he thought he was doing a pretty damn good job of not examining any of this further than he needed to until Henry finally asked,

“So, you two boys finally pull your heads out of your asses and get together, then?”

Bones was obviously not expecting the blunt question from his grandfather, if the way he choked on the bourbon he was sipping as they worked was any indication. In fact, Bones’ temporary inability to speak was the only reason Jim was able to get out ahead of this.

“Nope, we’re just friends,” Jim said, before his brain could even fully realize the implications of what he was doing. But the simple fact of the matter was that it was already clear that he couldn’t do this. It had barely been two hours and all of Bones’ casual touches were already fucking with his head, pushing them rapidly towards complicated in a way that Jim really wanted to avoid. He was going to end up in love with Bones by the end of this if they kept going, and that was absolutely not something he was going to do. No way in hell. So Jim abruptly called it off, which only caused Bones to choke more. Jim slapped him on the back a few times for good measure, and Bones glared daggers. He’d get hell for this later, and he probably should’ve discussed it with Bones in private first, but Jim couldn’t bring himself to regret it, not when his shoulder blades still felt inexplicably weird from all the times Bones had rested his hand on them throughout the night.

“What a shame,” Louise tutted, “Len, when you said you were bringing someone home for the holidays I assumed you meant a partner. But, oh, this could be good!”

Bones, who had finally recovered from accidentally inhaling a whole swallow of bourbon, raised a skeptical eyebrow and asked, “How is this good?”

“I just got a new personal trainer and she’s single! I showed her your picture a few weeks ago, she was interested in meeting you,” Louise explained and Bones buried his face in his hands,

“Christ alive, here we go again.”

“Oh, don’t be like that Len, she’s a wonderful woman, I think you’d love her.”

“Gram, what would any self respecting single person under the age of 60 be doing in this town?”

“Well, you two are here, aren’t you?”

“We don’t have self respect,” Jim pointed out, “Bones, what do you have against getting coffee with this woman?”

Jim had no idea why he was encouraging this. Maybe he thought this little stubborn feeling would go away if Bones was unavailable again. Maybe he just wanted his best friend to get back out there. He didn’t know and wasn’t sure if he cared.

Bones glared at him once again, the same look that could make ensigns cry but Jim had always been immune to. “You, stay out of this.”

“Len, why don’t you at least think about it? You’ve been single for so long, I want you to be happy.”

“Louise, have you considered there may be someone else he already has his eye on?” Henry asked. This was rapidly becoming an argument and Jim felt out of place as all get out standing in the middle of it, so he made to sneak off but Bones caught him and wrapped steady surgeon’s fingers tightly around his wrist.

“I don’t think so,” Bones hissed under his breath while his grandparents bickered, “You stay here and watch what you did.”

“Bones, I…” Jim started, not really sure where he was going. It didn’t feel right to apologize when, though he recognized the position he put his best friend in, he still wouldn’t take back anything he said. Luckily he was saved by a sharp elbow in his side and a glare that said “save it” better than words ever could.

Jim and Bones both turned in early, despite it being 3 hours earlier in San Francisco. Bones was angry, both at his grandmother for trying to set him up with someone and with Jim for calling off their fake dating arrangement before it even started. Jim wasn’t all that pleased himself with how the evening had gone. He was finding it increasingly difficult to escape the fact that he was probably falling in love with Bones, was in all likelihood already there, and he had no earthly idea how in the hell he’d explain calling off their arrangement without telling Bones that he was terrified he’d get his heart broken if they kept it up. Because no way in hell was he doing that. And now he had Bones mad at him too, which always made something in his gut twist in a strange sort of panic and hurt. He wanted to go to bed with a bottle of whiskey, but he was still trying to be on his best behavior for Bones’ grandparents, so he resigned himself to just going to bed, probably to stare at the ceiling for a few hours. 

Since nothing could ever go to plan if one’s name was Jim Kirk, when he approached the door of the guest room he was going to stay in, he heard a strange scratching and almost…screaming noise. His mouth was already open, probably to shout something along the lines of “Bones, this room is haunted!” before he realized that Bones was pissed at him so he shut his mouth anticlimactically, put on his goddamn big boy starship captain pants, and slowly opened the door. The creature in the room shot out the door like a bat out of hell, sprinted between Jim’s feet, and slid down the hall all before Jim could realize just what it was that had been in his room. He decided he had bigger problems and headed into the room the creature had just vacated, tossed his bag on the floor, and flopped back onto the bed with a sigh.

Jim did not fall asleep. He would maintain that. He was simply lying back on the bed, with his eyes closed, having an existential crisis. There was a difference. However, he most certainly didn’t expect to suddenly have the inescapable feeling of being watched and, upon opening his eyes, found himself face to face with two wide green ones. Jim flinched, the owner of the eyes meowed, and that was when he finally realized that there was a cat lying mere centimeters from his face. Black and white and indescribably fluffy, the small cat was making almost uncomfortably intense eye contact with him. He felt like it was staring into his soul. This, Jim realized, was in all likelihood the same creature that had been in this room when he’d come up here. Jim didn’t have much experience with cats aside from the barn cats on the farm growing up, most of whom would run away just at the sight of people, so he treated it like any first contact with another species and figured he’d try to adopt its customs the best he could. So he stared back. For a while. At least until there was a snort at the doorway and the cat leaped off the bed before Jim could even turn around to see it was Bones standing in the doorway.

“Jim, please don’t tell me you’re having a staring contest with a cat.”

“I think I just won a staring contest with a cat,” he corrected. That definitely wasn’t true, he’d blinked way before the cat did, but it had looked away first so it was a moral victory. 

“Sure,” Bones rolled his eyes then leaned down to scoop the cat into his arms. It was purring so loudly Jim could hear it from across the room. “Mind if I come in?”

“Door’s open,” Jim shrugged noncommittally. He wasn’t sure he was ready for this conversation, but also wasn’t sure he had much of a choice. Bones, in response, shut the door behind him and perched tentatively on the edge of Jim’s bed, arms still full of cat.

“This is Ophelia,” Bones said while scratching behind the cat’s ears. “She lived in their barn but wouldn’t stop coming in the damn house. My papa’s gettin’ soft in his old age so she doesn’t do much mouse catching nowadays. This is usually her room.”

“The cat has a room?” Jim asked, allowing Bones to temporarily distract them both from the much less pleasant subject at hand.

“Like I said, the man’s a bleedin’ heart.”

“Seems to run in the family.”

Bones shrugged and there were a few moments of silence, filled with nothing but the sound of Ophelia, who was still staring at Jim like she was trying to pull his soul out of his eyes, purring loudly.

“So,” Bones finally said, “You mind explaining to me just what the hell that was out there?”

Jim had had plenty of time to think of it, but still the only thing he could think of was, “I dunno.”

“Try again. We had an agreement and you just shit all over it.”

“I wasn’t comfortable with it,” Jim admitted and hoped Bones would just leave it at that. No such luck, of course.

“You’re comfortable with everything,” Bones argued.

“Not everything,” Jim said, his voice strangely soft even to his own ears, “Not anymore.”

“Jim…”

“I’m turning over a new leaf, ever since…ya know. Anyways, it’s whatever, but I’m not gonna do shit just to do it if it doesn’t sit right,” Jim explained, and all of it was true, though none of it was why he didn’t feel right pretending to be with Bones in this way. 

Bones didn’t look so mad anymore, just kind of sad, the way he always got whenever Jim’s death was mentioned. Part of Jim felt bad for bringing it up, even though he had no idea how else to explain it in a way that wouldn’t massively embarrass him.

“And doing this doesn’t sit right?” Bones asked and maybe it was all in his head but Bones sounded oddly hurt, in a way. 

“I don’t wanna fuck this up. Bones, this…” Jim started, but was interrupted by the cat in Bones’ arms taking a tentative step into Jim’s lap and patting his arm with her paw. He scratched behind her ears and turned his attention back to his best friend. “Bones, this, our friendship, it means a lot to me. I don’t wanna risk it and doing this, even just as an act, is a big change for us and I don’t want us to end up hating each other over it.”

Bones nodded, “I understand, Jim, I do. Coulda used a bit more notice, but I understand. But if you think I could ever hate you then you’re crazier than I thought.”

“I’m sorry, Bones, I really did want to help you.”

“You are helping me, Jim, just by being here. Besides, gram and papa weren’t even surprised, think I’ve been single for so long nobody thought I meant a partner when I said I was bringing someone home for the holidays.”

“So you’re not pissed, then? You seem pissed. Or you did.”

“Oh, I’m pissed alright. I’m pissed at my gram for tryin’ to set me up on another damn date, and I ain’t all that happy with you for encouraging it either. And damn confused. You hate when I get in relationships.”

Shit. There was no way in hell he’d been that obvious. His hand briefly stilled in shock long enough to get a chirp from Ophelia, who wasn’t pleased he’d stopped petting her.

“This is the neediest cat I’ve ever met,” Jim said offhandedly, “And I don’t hate when you’re in relationships, why would you even think that?”

“Because you’re a child who doesn’t know how to share,” Bones rolled his eyes with a large sum of affection. 

“I share just fine! I want you to be happy, it’s just that Alex was an asshole!” Jim argued, and he maintained that was mostly what his disdain for Alex had been borne of. After all, both Chapel and Phillip Boyce hadn’t liked Alex, and neither of them wanted in Bones’ pants. Though Jim had to admit to himself that jealousy had definitely played a role there. Especially because when he’d told Bones that he wanted him to be happy, some traitorous piece of his brain had added “with me.” 

“Uh huh, sure,” Bones said, “Regardless of what the fuck came over you tonight, I don’t need you encouraging my gram to set me up with every single person in this town. I love her, but that woman has no idea what my taste is. She once suggested that I be the damn fourth in an Andorian marriage her gynecologist was in. As if I would have a single clue what to do with three partners.”

“Four is usually my limit with that,” Jim nodded, faking solemnity, “Any more and you lose track of what hands and holes belong to who.”

“You are such a child,” Bones rolled his eyes. “But I ain’t going out with this woman.”

“Okay, and why not?”

“I don’t need to explain myself but let’s start with the fact that I just got out of a damn relationship. And add to that the fact that we’re only gonna be out here for 2 weeks and then it’s back to San Francisco, back to the black eventually.”

“Bones, you don’t always need to be so all or nothing! You can just take this woman to coffee and go hookup in the parking lot of your old high school or something.” Jim still wasn’t sure why he was encouraging this. Maybe he really just was that good of a friend. Or something. 

“You know that ain’t my style, kid.”

“Okay, sure, but you can still have some fun. Look, man, the past half a year has been hard for the both of us, I just want you to have some fun and not hold yourself back because you’re scared,” Jim said, and maybe somewhere in there was the truth. Neither of them had really been themselves since Kahn, and there was a heaviness to Bones that hadn’t been there before. He knew how much his death had affected his friend, and as much as he wanted Bones to himself, he was finding that most of all he wanted Bones to be happy. Maybe he really was growing up.

Bones sighed, hazel eyes watching Ophelia and refusing to make contact with Jim’s. Finally, he relented, “I’ll think about it.”

Jim grinned, “Hey, if she’s not your type, send her my way, maybe she’s mine.”

“Jim, everyone’s your type.”

“Not true,” Jim huffed in mock offense.  “So, wanna watch a bad Christmas movie?”

“I want to go the hell to sleep. And I’m taking the cat with me.”

“Dammit, you never let me have anything nice,” Jim teased, “‘Night, Bones.”

“‘Night, Jim,” Bones said. He scooped up Ophelia, who chirped but otherwise seemed unbothered, and Jim clapped his friend on the shoulder as a goodbye. Well, that had all gone much better than he had thought it would. Now he just had to find out what he was going to do on the off chance that Bones actually liked this woman. Whatever, chances were still slim he even went out with her, they’d cross that bridge when they came to it.

Chapter Text

Jim woke up early. Well, not early early, technically it was 8 am, but he was still firmly on San Francisco time, so it might as well have been 5 am. He’d been having trouble sleeping ever since he died, and really a 5 am wake up after a fairly restful night was good for him. He yawned, stretched, and made his way out of his room in search of breakfast. Or at least that was his plan until he opened his door and saw Ophelia sitting right outside of it, staring up at him with those wide eyes of hers. Jim nearly jumped a meter in the air in surprise, Ophelia chirped happily then bounded off in the direction of Bones’ room. Jim rolled his eyes and pulled out his comm and sent a quick message to Bones, informing his friend that his grandparents’ cat was deeply weird. He knew Bones was asleep, or at least he hoped he was, but Jim had been sending Bones messages each morning for the past few months, ever since one night when they’d both drank way too much bourbon and Bones had admitted how terrified he was that Jim was going to go to sleep one night and not wake up again. This was also Jim’s biggest fear, but there was nothing really to be done about that. If he could help reassure Bones, though, it was the least he could do for his best friend. 

Bones’ grandparents had made homemade cinnamon rolls, apparently committed to their quest to help Jim gain back the weight he lost from being in a coma for 2 weeks. It was far too much food, and he was definitely going to leave Georgia several kilos heavier than when he came, but he couldn’t find it in himself to complain, not when the food was so damn good.

Bones slept and slept, and Jim wasn’t anything less than thrilled about that. He’d been having a difficult time sleeping, too, and Bones would have to sleep a hell of a lot later before Jim even considered waking him up, as much as he missed his friend. Bones’ grandparents were good company, though. Good people, didn’t give a shit about him being twice over a Federation hero or any of the Kelvin baby bullshit, didn’t press too hard at his sore spots, and were more than happy to let Jim help out around the house when he offered. Jim was pretty handy and had worked a lot of odd jobs pre Starfleet - he usually said he was good with his hands, but he was trying to cut down on the euphemisms in front of his best friend’s grandparents - and it didn’t take long before Jim was fixing a leak in one of the bathrooms and pulling leaves out of the old fashioned gutters that surrounded the roof. 

“Hey, Henry!” Jim called down from the roof to Bones’ grandfather, who insisted on “supervising”. “How come you don’t have any Christmas lights up? The inside of the house looks like the North Pole!”

“Oh, my old bones just can’t take that kinda work these days,” Henry said. Jim almost had to laugh at his casual mention of his bones. Maybe that was where Bones had gotten it from, that first day they met all those years ago.

“What’s the point of all those kids and grandkids around if you can’t use some of them to hang up your lights for you?” Jim asked, then chucked a handful of slimy gutter goop down into a waiting bucket on the ground below.

“Everyone’s got their own lives, I ain’t gonna impose for something as trivial as Christmas lights,” Henry said, and that was when Jim had his idea. He’d already done the Christmas lights for two houses this season, what was one more? Bones’ grandparents were being so kind and generous, letting him stay there, and what’s more, Bones would be thrilled. He could just see the look of shock and joy in Bones’ face when he realized Jim had spent hours putting up lights on his grandparents’ property, just for him. Well, it wasn’t just for Bones, Jim did legitimately want to do something nice for Henry and Louise, and there was virtually no chance that Bones would ever think it was just for him and then dip Jim back for an epic first kiss under the lights during a miraculous freak Georgia snowstorm and…God why was Jim even thinking about that? He really had to get it together. Here he was, having unbelievably corny romantic fantasies about his best friend while wrist deep in gutter sludge on the roof. Pathetic.

Growing bored of his self-assigned monotonous task, and unable to get his mind off Bones, Jim excused himself and bounded across the roof to Bones’ window. Sure, he didn’t want to wake his friend up if he was finally sleeping peacefully, but it was 2 in the goddamn afternoon and he just wanted to make sure Bones wasn’t dead. And, well, Bones had promised to think about maybe going to the gym with his grandma to meet the woman she was trying to set him up with, and there was no way he’d be able to do that if he was sleeping all day. Jim, of course, had a lot of mixed and conflicting feelings on this whole Bones dating situation. Sure, he’d encouraged it, and he did want Bones to be happy, more than anything. He wanted him to let loose and have some fun while they were here and maybe going on a date was one way to do that. On the other hand, well, jealousy. He was sick of pretending it was anything else, he knew what it was even if he didn’t like to admit where it came from. But, conflicting feelings about Bones dating aside, Jim thought maybe it was time for him to be awake and so, like the minor scale asshole he was, he slapped Bones’ window as hard as he could until his friend opened the blinds and glared at him.

“What the fuck is your problem, Jim Kirk?” Bones asked after he yanked open the window.

“I don’t think we really have time to get into all that,” Jim teased. He looked at his best friend through the transparent barrier between Bones’ room and the outside. Bones had clearly woken up recently, if the way his hair was standing up in a million different directions was anything to go off. He did, however, look vaguely coherent so he had clearly been awake for at least a few minutes before Jim had banged on his window. Bones was charming like this, messy hair and unguarded expression. Jim nearly had to force himself to look away.

“You have terrible manners. What are you even doing on the goddamn roof to begin with?” Bones asked and Jim shrugged,

“Just helping Henry clear out the gutters. I think the sludge in there is only days away from becoming sentient.”

Bones shook his head, “I can’t believe he roped you into doing that. We’ve all been trying to convince them to buy some damn self cleaning gutters for years, but they’re committed to the ‘20th century look’. Fucking ridiculous.”

“You’re just mad because I’m the new favorite grandchild,” Jim stuck his tongue out and laughed. Bones rolled his eyes, but cracked a smile. Just a little Bones smile, the kind most people would miss, but Jim wasn’t most people. “Now turn off the damn window barrier and let me come inside.”

Bones mumbled something about presumptuous children but ordered the computer in his room to take down the invisible screen keeping the many bugs of Georgia out of his room and Jim slid in casually.

“So,” Jim flopped back onto Bones’ messy bed without invitation, “You going to meet that woman for coffee?”

“I dunno,” Bones admitted, “What would you do?”

“Not sure,” Jim shrugged, “But who cares what I’d do, it’s your maybe date.”

“Ya know, I thought I knew exactly what you’d say to that question but it wasn’t that.”

“New leaf, Bones, new leaf. But enough about me. Man, you really gotta make a decision soon, you’re running out of time to put this off.”

“You think I should go, don’t you?” Bones asked. Jim thought about it for a moment, because despite his urging last night, in the light of the new day he wasn’t quite sure how he felt about Bones going on a date. But that was the selfish part of him, the part of him that was trying his damndest to be a good friend knew exactly what his answer should be.

“I think there’s never any harm in meeting new people. You seem more relaxed here than I’ve seen you in months, who knows, you might even enjoy yourself. Don’t think of it as a date, just think of it as meeting a new friend!”

Jim thought he did a damn good job at hiding the part of him that felt vaguely nauseous at the idea of Bones on a date - with someone else, as if his traitorous brain had any claim to Bones to begin with - and Bones didn’t seem to notice that Jim had an entirely different set of things he was trying not to say floating around in his head. Instead, Bones just nodded,

“Fine. But it’s not a date.”

“Tell her that, Bones, not me,” Jim said. This was probably the best case scenario. The part of Jim that wanted his friend to get back out there and find happiness wherever that came from was satisfied, as was that jealous part that really didn’t want to see his best friend with anyone else romantically. Friends was great, Bones had tons of friends, and Jim had no issue with that. Obviously. Not that it would’ve even mattered if he did. Ugh, this was all so complicated. No wonder he always tried to avoid closer examination of his deeper feelings towards Bones.

Thankfully Bones saved him from himself by yanking Jim up by his shoulders and shoving him unceremoniously towards the window,

“Now scram, Jim, I gotta get ready and if I’m not mistaken you’ve got some gutters to desludge.”

“Aye aye, captain,” Jim smirked and threw a mock salute at his friend before climbing out the window, “Good luck! And remember: have fun!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bones rolled his eyes, “Smartass”. Jim couldn’t help but laugh.

Jim was only about 80% sure Bones wasn’t lying dead in a ditch somewhere. He’d been out on his not-date for six hours, which was a hell of a long time for Bones to spend one on one with someone he didn’t even know. Louise had returned home from the gym reporting that it looked like Bones and her personal trainer, Sophie, had hit it off rather well. Jim was happy for his friend. Really, truly, honestly. One could never have enough friends. Thing was, Bones had been gone for ages, in which time Bones’ aunt and uncle and their two teenage daughters had arrived, and Jim was placed in the strange position of meeting his best friend’s family without said best friend as a buffer. Luckily, Jim was typically very outgoing and loved meeting new people, so while meeting Bones’ family without Bones was a bit odd, it wasn’t an issue per sey. 

Bones had warned him that the McCoys were a bit of an odd bunch that had the tendency to be both loud and stubborn. Jim had laughed in response and said that he’d been with a loud, stubborn, and odd McCoy for nearly five years now. Bones had been right, though. Henry and Louise’s youngest daughter, Katherine, her husband Michael, and their daughters Georgie and Sam, were everything Bones had warned him about and more. Jim loved them. That said, he missed the hell out of Bones as they all ate dinner together and Georgie and Sam kept looking at him when they thought he wasn’t looking and giggling to each other. Bones always got a kick out of when people had obvious crushes on Jim, and Jim doubted that would change just because they were his own teenage cousins. But, no, Bones was on the longest coffee “not-date” in the history of coffee not-dates. Which, because Jim was the best best friend in the history of best friends, he made sure to inform Bones’ family was actually not a date. 

Jim got less sure of the not part of Bones’ not-date when Bones finally came home, late enough that Bones’ grandparents were considering turning in for the night. They were playing a silly card game that they’d have to play again because Bones would love it when the man himself walked in the door.

“Bones!” Jim greeted his friend, taking in Bones’ flushed cheeks and overly puffy coat for the mild Georgia winters. He looked content for half a second, which quickly faded to a look of annoyed discomfort when his whole family temporarily abandoned their game to look at him. Bones crossed his arms in defiance,

“You act like me comin’ home is the most exciting thing you’ve seen all day. Carry on.”

“How was your date, Len?” Louise asked and before Bones could even say anything Jim corrected her,

“It wasn’t a date, they were just hanging out.”

“Not that it’s anyone’s damn business, but it was fine,” Bones grumbled as he shed his layers of winter clothing and deposited them on the couch.

“That’s no way for you to talk to your grandmother, young man,” Henry said. Bones blushed a bit, looking sufficiently shamefaced, and his cousins giggled something about how it was funny that Bones was being lectured even though he was grown.

“I made sure to save you dinner, it’s in the fridge,” Jim said. Bones shot him a smile but shook his head,

“Thanks, Jim, but I already ate. I’m beat, I’ll catch up with y’all in the morning.”

Bones could not more obviously be trying to avoid getting the Spanish Inquisition about his maybe not-date. Jim, of course, had no intention of allowing Bones to escape that easily, and as it turned out his family didn’t either.

“You ain’t going anywhere without saying a proper hello,” Bones’ aunt Katherine said. To show she meant businesses, she stood up from her seat and pulled Bones into a hug. Bones was then passed around by all the present members of his family, including Henry and Louise despite having seen him just the day prior. Bones seemed to resign himself to this, and wasn’t even paying enough attention to notice when Jim snuck in a hug at the end, just to see if he could. The hug was returned, and in fact when Bones realized it was just Jim and not yet another family member, Bones relaxed into Jim’s arms, tucked his face into the crook of Jim’s neck, and held the position for a few beats. Bones’ hair tickled Jim’s face, and he was worried his heart was beating so hard that Bones would notice, but if he did he didn’t say anything. 

Jim was going to let Bones stay there for as long as he needed, but he pulled away far too quickly for Jim’s liking. The contact was nice, but it probably was best to avoid things like that if he was serious about not breaking his own damn heart on this trip. He smiled at his friend and opened his mouth to tell Bones that he certainly owed him a recap of the evening later, but at the same time as he was going to say that he took a step backwards, felt something soft against the back of his calf, realized he was about to step on Ophelia who had a habit of lying down near people’s feet, took an immediate step forward to keep his feet off the cat, stumbled over something or other, and ended up careening chest first into Bones.

Bones swayed a bit when Jim fell into him, but caught Jim with practiced ease.

“Careful there, Jimmy,” Bones said, removing one hand from Jim’s arms where he’d steadied him to pat his cheek teasingly, “I have no intention of writing ‘cat’ as your damn cause of death.”

Jim huffed out a laugh, and he was definitely going to say something that had nothing to do with how his cheek kept tingling even though Bones had moved his hand back to Jim’s arm, or about how Bones really didn’t need to be keeping him steady anymore, but one of Bones’ young cousins interrupted.

“Jim, how come you didn’t tell us that you and Len were dating?!”

“Oh, you are? What fun!” Katherine exclaimed. Bones dropped his hands from Jim’s arms like they were made of hot coals.

“We most certainly the hell are not,” Bones said, maybe just a bit too quickly for Jim’s liking. Though he’d done the same thing yesterday, so he could hardly blame him.

“Just friends,” Jim nodded in confirmation.

“Well, maybe you should be!” Georgie suggested, giving her best McCoy stare mixed with some classic 16 year old sass. Jim had to keep himself from laughing.

“Georgie, that ain’t our place,” her father pointed out.

“Damn straight it’s not,” Bones agreed, “Now if that’s all, I’ve had a long day, I’m going upstairs. I’ll see y’all in the morning.”

Jim tried to communicate that Bones would be seeing him earlier to provide details with just a look. With the most recent topic of conversation, it didn’t seem like the best idea to tell everyone that he planned on joining Bones in his bedroom that night, even if it was just to talk. Bones seemed to read him loud and clear if his eye roll was anything to go off of. Whatever, Bones didn’t have to like it, but he wasn’t getting out of this that easily. Jim wanted details - well, most of him did, some of him wanted to live in perpetual ignorance of any of Bones’ vaguely dating related activities - and he was going to get them. Bones wasn’t even going to push back that much at this point. They’d done this song and dance far too many times by now.

“So, you were out for a long time,” Jim said. He’d let himself into Bones’ room, which was par for the course for them. Bones had made his token but clearly empty protests, all “what if I had been naked?” and all that, but had allowed Jim to make himself comfortable at the end of his bed without much complaint.

Bones, who sat leaned back against the headboard with his legs sprawled over the bed, simply grunted in affirmation.

“Didn’t expect getting coffee with someone you didn’t even want to meet in the first place to take you that long,” Jim said, hoping that didn’t come off too much like he was upset by how long Bones had been gone. Jim had enjoyed his time with his friend’s family, though he would obviously enjoy time with Bones far more.

“Are you gonna ask an actual question or just make statements at me all night?” Bones asked, his eyebrow working near his hairline. Jim always wanted to poke at that eyebrow, but he knew from experience that doing so would only get him yelled at, which wasn’t conducive to getting Bones to actually tell him shit about his night.

“Maybe some of both,” Jim shrugged, “Come on, man, I want to hear about your night. I assume you had fun?”

“Yeah, I actually did,” Bones nodded. He wasn’t quite meeting Jim’s eyes, and Jim realized with a twist of his stomach that Bones actually liked this woman. Or at the very least thought he potentially could. Jim had known Bones for long enough to be able to pick up on the signs, and one of the big ones that Bones was actually interested in someone romantically was that he always acted like he was confessing to murder when he admitted it. It was usually funny, but now Jim was just wondering if he’d made a massive mistake in suggesting Bones meet this woman.

“That’s great!” Jim said, because he was nothing if not a great sport, even at his own expense. “So what exactly did you do the whole time? The cafe closed at 6.”

“How the hell do you even know that?” Bones asked and Jim tried to play it off casually,

“Had to look it up, needed to find out if you could still be there or if you were lying dead in a ditch somewhere.”

“You do know sometimes people go to multiple locations on one outing, correct?” Bones teased.

“That’s not the point. Quit being so cagey and just tell me about your night already. We both know you’re going to eventually, just get it over with so I can leave you alone.”

“How selfless of you.”

“Bones!”

“Fine, you insufferable pain in my ass. To answer your question, I took Sophie out for coffee and when the cafe closed she took me to see an old movie at the theater in town. We ate dinner there. It was…nice.”

“What movie did you see? Also what kinda theater serves dinner?” Jim asked, allowing himself to be distracted by the things that didn’t really matter here. The things that were easier to talk about.

“It was that campy movie about space pirates from the early 22nd century that you made me watch at the Academy. It did not, for the record, improve upon second viewing.”

“Oh man, I love that movie! I thought you swore you’d never watch that again. Nevermind, whatever, I want to hear about Sophie.”

“What exactly do you want me to tell you about a woman I only just met today?”

“I dunno, do you like her?”

“Are we 12?” Bones asked, “I barely know her.”

“You are such a killjoy all the time. Do you think you could like her, at some point?” Jim asked. He was a bit nervous to know the answer, to hear Bones say it out loud that he could possibly have his eye on someone - someone that wasn’t him - but he had to know. And, besides, he was playing the good best friend here.

“Maybe,” Bones admitted, “She’s nice, smart, funny, easy to talk to. Hell of a lot more spontaneous than I am, and she also loved that stupid movie, but it was promising. I’d see her again.”

“Are you going to see her again?”

“Probably. I told her I’d comm her tomorrow after I see Jocelyn and nail down which days I have Jo.”

“So it sounds like there wasn’t a lot of ‘not’ in your not-date,” Jim said, trying his best to sound like he was neutral on this matter. He was good at hiding his feelings, but Bones was good at reading him, so he had no idea how well it was going.

“‘Suppose it went differently than I thought it would. It ain’t a big deal, we both know I’m only in town for a short while, but it’s like you said, it never hurts to get to know new people.”

“Exactly. I’m always right, Bones.”

“Sure.”

“So, if it was a date, you’re leaving something very important out.”

“Oh, Christ,” Bones rolled his eyes and pressed his head back against the headboard. Jim laughed and ignored his friend’s dramatics. 

“Come on, I’m not asking you to kiss and tell, I just wanna know if you’re attracted to her or not.”

“I must reiterate that I just met this woman.”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with anything.”

“It does to me.”

“Hmm, okay,” Jim said. He supposed that explained a few things about Bones’ dating history. “You think she’s pretty, though? Or hot or sexy or whatever the hell word you used to describe nice looking people in your brain?”

“She ain’t my usual type, but yeah, she’s good looking.”

“So I know I just said I wouldn’t ask you to kiss and tell…”

“Jim,” Bones sighed, “This really ain’t that big of a deal. She’s not gonna end up as my girlfriend, I made it clear up front that I have no intention of sticking around this god forsaken town after the holidays. It’s just casual, which was, by the way, your idea. I’ll probably see her a few more times, tops, this conversation has already been far more involved than it ever needed to be.”

“Fine, I’ll drop it,” Jim relented, “You must be tired, I’ll just…”

“I ain’t done with you yet,” Bones said, sliding down the bed to grab Jim’s wrist and keep him from standing up. Sparks ran down Jim’s spine at the prospect of what all this could mean, but of course Jim’s fantasies were wildly unrealistic as per usual and Bones didn’t push him back into the bed and kiss him, or confess his undying love. Instead, he just said, “I’m going to see Jo tomorrow, you coming?”

“Do you want me to?” Jim asked. He was never quite sure how much to get involved in Bones’ relationship with his daughter. He’d never had a friend with a child before Bones, or since. 

“I invited you, didn’t I?” Bones asked with a roll of his eyes. “She’s been asking when she can see her uncle Jim again, and she wants me to take her down to the aquarium in Atlanta. ‘Course that depends on what Jocelyn says, she’s the one with full custody so it’s her decision but…”

“Count me in,” Jim agreed. He’d met Joanna twice before, and she was an incredible kid. Lots of fun. And, really, who could pass up spending a day with Bones at the aquarium?

“Great, we’re leaving at 9, so I’m gonna turn in early. Speaking of which, now I would like you to fuck off, thank you very much.”

“Pushy, pushy,” Jim laughed, and Bones proved his point by shoving him in the back in an attempt to get him off the bed. It was going to be an early morning with the time change, and Jim, too, had every intention of being in bed early. So he allowed Bones to push him off the bed, gave his best friend a mock salute, and said “‘Night Bones, see you in the morning.”

Chapter Text

Jim hadn’t seen Joanna since graduation, when she had come to watch her daddy graduate the Academy with Bones’ grandparents. She had been 7 then, and logically Jim knew that she was 9 now, had even been there at the end of Bones’ comm with her for her recent birthday, but it was still somewhat shocking just how big she’d gotten. Bones had spent a couple days in Georgia shortly after Jim woke up and became stable, trying to make up for lost time with his daughter, but he embraced her and spun her around and commented on how big she had gotten like he hadn't seen her in years. Honestly, it was all sorts of adorable. Jim loved watching Bones be a dad, because despite his doubts, he was an excellent father to Jo. 

Jo has pulled Jim in for a hug after she finished embracing her father, and really it just seemed crazy how much older she looked than the last time he saw her. Before, she’d been a kid. Now? Well, she was still a kid, only now a few short years away from being a teenager. Not that he was stupid enough to remind Bones of that. 

Bones had had an entirely cordial conversation with his ex wife, none of the yelling that had been involved every time they spoke their first year at the Academy, which was another thing that always threw Jim. Bones could say he and Jocelyn were on good terms now as often as he’d like, it was always going to be a bit difficult to believe when he met the man drunk and claiming his ex wife took the whole planet in the divorce. Jocelyn, thankfully, readily agreed to the two of them taking Jo to the aquarium, and with that and a couple cups of coffee for the adults, they were off. 

Joanna proved to be just as talkative now as she had been the last time Jim had met her. Maybe even more so now that she was more than capable of having real conversations with adults. She talked their ears off about school and her friends and her soccer team and what she wanted for Christmas and just a random assortment of facts about fish. She was obviously excited, and that excitement only grew once they finally reached the aquarium and she set right to literally dragging Jim and Bones around to see various exhibits. Bones was absolutely enthralled with everything Jo said, and good God was he gorgeous, his eyes lighting up brightly with every word from his daughter’s mouth. 

Finally, when they were watching some penguins about an hour into their day, Jo looked at Jim, then at Bones, and said,

“Daddy, how long’ve you been dating uncle Jim?”

Bones sounded like he was choking on air. 

“What makes you think we’re dating, sweetie?” Bones asked. It wasn’t a denial, Jim couldn’t help but notice. It was a silly thing to notice, because despite what he wanted - and he had decided he was sick of pretending that he didn’t want it - Jim was well aware that he wasn’t actually in a relationship with Bones.

“Are you saying you’re not?” Jo asked. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at Bones in a way that was hilariously familiar. Jim nearly laughed at how much she resembled her father.

“Jim and I are just friends, Jo,” Bones said, and Jim nodded in agreement because it felt right.

“Are you just friends like actually just friends, or just friends like mom and Clay were and then the next month they were engaged?”

“The former,” Jim answered.

“I’m bored of penguins, let's go look at jellyfish,” Jo suggested, easily distracted in that way children often were. “Did you know jellyfish don’t have a brain? At least not on earth. There’s a whole planet where the primary sentient species are jellyfish.”

“Telara Prime, yeah,” Jim nodded.

“Have you been?”

“No, not yet.”

“You should go, when the Enterprise goes out to space again! I wanna meet a sentient jellyfish. Anyways, daddy, how come you and uncle Jim aren’t dating?” Jo asked and Bones’ mouth fell open. He, like Jim, had probably thought they were free of this topic. 

“Now, young lady, I know your mamma and I taught you how to mind your business better than that,” Bones said. Jo wasn’t deterred, though,

“I think you should date, and here’s why: you guys are best friends and adults always say they’re dating their best friend. And I like Jim, he’s nice. Jim’s there, like, every time you comm me, seems like you’re pretty much dating already!”

Jim blushed, fully unsure what to say. Luckily, this was Bones’ daughter and he could take this one. And he did, after running a hand through his hair in exasperation.

“Joanna, there is more to a relationship than just being friends, and you liking them.  I know you know you’re not meant to be prying into people’s personal lives like that. Jim and I are both happy as we are now, that’s all you need to know.”

“You’re not just ‘people’, you're my dad.”

“Well it still ain’t your place to ask questions like that.”

“Fine,” Jo pouted, “Can Jim still hang out with us while you’re here?”

“Just because we ain’t dating doesn’t mean we’re not friends. Jim can spend as much time with us as you and he would like. So, Jo, why don’t you tell us more about jellyfish?” Bones prompted, trying to get them back onto a safer topic. Jo allowed herself to be distracted,

“Did you know they eat and poop out of the same hole?!”

Jim did know this, but he played along and screwed up his face, “That’s gross.”

“Yeah, but they don’t have brains so they don’t know it’s gross,” Jo said. Jim had to admit she made a good point.

It was one of the first days of winter break for the kids in Georgia, and it seemed like everyone had the same idea, because the aquarium was packed. Bones had offered to get all three of them lunch while Jim and Jo stayed back at the exhibits so as to not overcrowd the already packed aquarium cafeteria. Jim had never had to watch Jo by himself before, but a 9 year old girl looking at fish didn’t exactly need much watching, and according to Bones she never had been one to wander off, even when she was younger. So Jim was able to just stand and watch the many animals in the tropical reef exhibit while Joanna voraciously read the display panels and then told Jim everything she had just learned about the animals living inside. She was a cute kid, and listening to her talk about her passions was oddly entertaining. Jim also couldn’t help but wish that someone had encouraged him to talk about things he learned as a child. Jo was a lucky girl, she had great parents and a step dad that even Bones had to admit was a decent guy to look after her and listen to her and support her. Jim was happy just being able to witness it, and it was even better that Jo trusted him and had dubbed him her uncle Jim from day one. He had never wanted children before, still didn’t really, but he found he liked being Jo’s uncle Jim. There was a sense of satisfaction in it.

“Uncle Jim, you’re in love with my dad, aren’t you?” Jo asked out of the blue, violently yanking Jim from his thoughts. If he’d been drinking anything he surely would’ve spit it all over the transparent aluminum separating them from millions of liters of water and dozens of varieties of fish.

“What makes you say that, JoJo?” Jim managed to ask once he composed himself a bit. Love was a very strong word, especially as Jim was just barely coming to terms with the fact that he liked Bones in a way other than best friend. All the same, he still wasn’t sure if he could truthfully deny it.

She put her hands on her hips and tore her eyes away from the reef shark she was watching to stare at Jim, one eyebrow raised just like Bones, “Just ‘cause I’m a kid doesn’t mean I’m stupid.”

“Didn’t your dad just have a conversation with you about not prying into people’s personal business?” Jim asked. Jo rolled her eyes,

“I don’t exactly hear you denying it. Don’t worry, I don’t think my dad knows. Mom said he’s sorta clueless. But he likes you too, by the way. I can tell. ”

“I really appreciate the help, Jo, but like your dad said earlier we’re more than happy as friends…”

“I don’t believe you really think that. You guys would be perfect together! Just, I dunno, kiss him or something! I’ll even look away so you can have some privacy.” Jo offered. Jim sighed. He really hoped Bones would just come back already, he had no idea how to handle this. 

“It’s more complicated than that. Relationships as an adult aren’t as easy as just kissing someone on the playground.”

“I know that, I’m not five,” she said, “But I think you should still go for it.”

“Thank you for your input. Oh look, there’s your dad with the food! You wouldn’t want him to catch you talking about this when he specifically told you not to, would you?” Jim asked, more thankful than usual to see Bones’ broad shoulders cutting their way through the crowd. Perfect timing. 

“I was just telling you about coral reefs,” Jo said, shooting Jim a pointed look. He wasn’t sure how he felt about being bossed around by a 9 year old.

“You were just telling me about coral reefs if you promise to drop it,” Jim said. Two could play at this game. Jim had negotiated with a hell of a lot more intimidating enemies than his best friend’s 9 year old daughter.

“Fine, but I’m right,” she insisted. Jim decided he would let her have the last word. He wasn’t about to try to be more petty than a child, though he had to admit he was tempted. When he didn’t say anything she grinned and started talking as though she had been in the middle of a sentence, “And then in the 21st century, a bunch of coral died because of, like, pollution or something…Daddy, you got food!”

“Sure did, kiddo,” Bones said. He put his free arm around Jo’s shoulders, and nudged Jim with his other shoulder, “Jim, take some of this, why don’t ya?”

“Don’t mind if I do,” Jim said. Bones was carrying 3 paper wrapped sandwiches and had a few cookies wedged between his arm and his body. Jim grabbed all 3 cookies, as well as the sandwich labeled “Jim”. He was starving.

“Ya know, I don’t think we’re allowed to eat in here,” Bones said as Jim took a bit out of his sandwich. Jim just shrugged. He honestly couldn’t be bothered.

Joanna lived with Jocelyn and her new husband about an hour away from Bones’ grandparents, much closer to the city, outside a cute little old town that actually looked like a decent place to spend time. Bones’ grandparents’ house, on the other hand, was in an area that reminded Jim a lot of Riverside, and he could understand why Bones wasn’t keen on sticking around the area on a long term basis. Jim had commandeered their rental car while Bones was inside talking to Jocelyn and working out a schedule he could have Jo for while they were here, so Jim drove the two of them down country roads to Bones’ grandparents’ house. Bones was slumped back into his seat and drinking coffee in a travel mug he’d stolen from Jocelyn. He looked exhausted, but content. Being a parent was probably really hard work.

“So I got some bad news for ya,” Bones said, looking up from the comm he was scrolling through as they drove.

“Is this about Jo? Is Jocelyn not gonna let you have her over a lot after all?” Jim asked. He’d been worried about that. Jo was the main reason Bones was so keen on going here, and if he wasn’t going to be able to see her again it would break his heart. “Wait, did Jocelyn give you shit because we’re not actually together?”

“No, thank God my choice to vague about who I was bringing home and why paid off significantly. And of course she’s letting me see Jo a lot, I told ya, we have an arrangement now. No more stupid pissing contests. No, it ain’t about Joce or Jo. Well, not really.”

“Okay, then what is it? Do you just like stringing me along or something?”

“Little bit,” Bones confirmed, “So Joce is gonna let Jo stay over with us for a few nights. Not Christmas, mind you, but I’ve got her until the morning of the 24th.”

“That’s excellent news, Bones! Why would you say that was bad news? Do you really think I’m so much of a child to be upset that you’re spending time with your daughter ?” Jim asked. Sure, he knew he could be a bit clingy sometimes, but seriously? Joanna? Jim could never be anything other than over the moon about her spending time with Bones. 

“The problem ain’t with Jo. Ya see, my papa just comm’d me, turns out my horrible cousin Danny is making a Christmas appearance after all.”

“Is this the one who walked out in the middle of Thanksgiving once because you beat him at poker?”

“That’s the one. Goddamn man child. He’s a piece of fucking work, throwing temper tantrums whenever he doesn’t get his way. He’s 30 years old and Jo’s easily more mature than he is. He made Jo cry last time he saw her, gettin’ mad at her for not knowing something no 6 year old would ever know.” 

Jim remembered when that had happened. Bones had been all angry papa bear, and just talking about it now had him angry again. It was sweet, really, how much Bones cared for his daughter.

“Is this gonna be a problem?” Jim asked. Bones was still scowling, thinking of when someone had been mean to his baby girl, and he grumbled,

“I should fucking hope not, I ripped him a new one when it happened.”
J

im chuckled. He would rather face a thousand angry Klingons than Bones when he was this upset. “I don’t doubt that.”

“All the same, I want her to have her own room while she’s here. Wouldn’t have been a problem before Danny was coming, she coulda just slept with the rest of the kids, but she needs her own space. I gave her your room.”

“Wait, what?!” Jim asked, “Why?”

“Only room left. You can bunk with me.”

Bones suggested it casually enough, grumbled as if it were a minor inconvenience at most. Jim’s blood ran cold, though, because there was no way this was happening to him. Sure, he’d shared a bed with Bones before, even shared a tent better fit for one on a very cold away mission a year prior, but that had been before. Before Jim realized that his feelings for his best friend ran deeper than friendship, before he truly started noticing and appreciating the slopes and curves of Bones’ body, before he started having incredibly corny daydreams about falling asleep with Bones in his arms. This would be different.

“How come you couldn’t give her your room?”

“What difference does it make, we’re bunking together regardless,” Bones pointed out, “Ain’t like we haven’t done it before. Besides, Jo’s a light sleeper and your room is quieter. I’d just bunk with her myself but last time we tried that she ended up crying at 2 am cuz my snoring was keeping her up.”

“Even with earplugs?”

“She doesn’t like ‘em, says they hurt her ears. Look, Jim, this isn’t my ideal arrangement either, you may remember on that goddamn ice planet when you kneed me in the kidney in your sleep…”

“Not my fault, your kidney was where my knee wanted to go,” Jim teased, allowing himself to be distracted from the dread of what this all meant by some fonder memories. 

“‘Course it was, my apologies,” Bones rolled his eyes then sighed, bringing them back to serious, “Look, Jim, it’s important for me that my daughter feels comfortable and safe here. So you’re just gonna have to deal with my snoring and I’ll have to deal with you kicking like a mule in your sleep. It’ll only be 4 nights. Unless you wanna bunk with my cousin Danny.”

“Absolutely not,” Jim laughed, “Fine, but you owe me.”

“I’ll knick you some of my papa’s earplugs, how’s that for owing you?” Bones asked.

“Yeah, I can work with that,” Jim agreed. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. After all, it was only sleeping, what’s the worst that could happen?

Chapter Text

Jim decided he wasn’t going to make a big deal out of sharing a bed with Bones. Did he secretly spend the whole day a bit nervous, and, shamefully, just a little excited? Yes. But it wasn’t a big deal. Really. Not only had Jim shared a bed with Bones without incident at least a dozen times, he’d shared beds with tons of people before and it had never been a big deal. Hell, one mission he’d ended up having to share a bed with Chekov, and that hadn’t been the least bit notable. Of course, this time he’d be sharing a bed with his wicked hot best friend who he’d recently come to realize he kind of, maybe, definitely had feelings for and not with the barely legal, baby faced navigator who he saw as a little brother, but there was no reason it had to be different. Hell, Bones very well might see Jim as a little brother, though if he was being honest he wasn’t entirely sold on that. It didn’t matter, though, because they were just going to be two adults sleeping next to each other and it wasn’t going to be a big deal. It really wasn’t.

Thankfully, Bones’ family kept Jim occupied throughout the day, so he didn’t have time to worry about what would be coming in the evening. Henry and Louise kept putting him to work, which he was more than happy to do, both Bones’ aunt Katherine and her husband were definitely hitting on him, and their 13 year old daughter Sam had decided that she actually would love to be a Starfleet Captain one day and therefore Jim must tell her all the stories he could possibly think of at all times. Altered a bit to be appropriate for someone who was barely a teenager, of course. The rest of Bones’ relatives - aside from his mother - arrived in the afternoon, and Jim was wrapped up for hours in meeting new people, listening to Bones talk shit about them behind their backs, and playing with Bones’ cousin Frederick’s adorable baby and energetic little kid. In fact, he was so busy being taught the intricate rules of little 4 year old Eliza’s make believe game that he barely noticed the addition of Joanna to the crowd after she’d been dropped off by Jocelyn. So, no, Jim didn’t spend the entire day worrying about their change in sleeping arrangements. He was far too busy for that. 

In fact, he nearly forgot he and Bones would be sharing a bed entirely after Bones pulled him aside to inform him that he was going into “town” - air quotes Bones’ own - to get dinner with Sophie, and would Jim please keep an eye on Joanna while he was gone, just to make sure awful cousin Danny didn’t say anything to upset her? Jim had, of course, readily agreed, but with that came the inevitable disappointment that Bones was going on a date. With how busy they’d been the past couple of days, Jim had all but forgotten about Sophie, and he supposed he figured Bones had as well. Bones, of course, had not. This was yet another thing that Jim resolved he wasn’t going to make a big deal out of, though. Bones and Sophie were just for the week, Bones would be coming back to San Francisco with him, and maybe when they had some privacy they could even have a conversation about how Jim was feeling. Maybe. Regardless, though, Jim was doing his best not to be jealous, figuring he had nothing to be jealous of. Easier said than done, of course, but still. Something to keep his mind off sleeping arrangements. 

Jim spent most of the time Bones was gone with Joanna, making sure she had someone looking after her, especially now that Bones’ cousin Danny was here, who’d proved to be just as much of an overgrown man child as Bones had warned him about. Jo was familiar with the cast of characters at McCoy Christmas, and kept whispering gossip over to Jim during dinner, which Jim found amusing even though he’d heard most of it before from Bones. Jo seemed to have a good relationship with her family, and loved her cousins especially - well, nobody here was her first cousin, but all the kids seemed to refer to each other as such, despite varying relationships with each other. In fact, Jim’s plan to teach Jo how to count cards after dinner - which, yeah, Bones wouldn’t be thrilled about but Bones wasn’t here - was nearly ruined by Jo’s conflicting desires to hang out with her Uncle Jim and to follow her cousin Sam around like a lost puppy. But then Jim had offered to teach Sam how to count cards as well, and that was that. The two girls picked up on the basics surprisingly well for being children, both of them clearly being smart as a whip, especially Jo who wasn’t even 10 and seemed to have a good grasp on what Jim was showing them. There was no way either of them would be able to apply it to a real life game of cards, but even just understanding the stats and having the memory for it was impressive. Jo was clearly her father’s daughter - okay, fine, according to Bones, her mother wasn’t exactly a slouch in the academic department either, but Jim was biased. Sue him.

As they finished, Jim probably cursed himself by being stupid enough to think too hard about his relief that neither of the girls, who were the most insistent of the bunch that he and Bones should be dating, had mentioned a thing about his relationship with his best friend as he’d been teaching them. But then Jo left to go read a story to a very sleepy Eliza and Sam looked at him intently,

“So, how do you feel about Len being on a date?”

Christ, not this again. Jim tried not to be too annoyed. After all, he’d done far worse than interfere in things that weren’t his business when he was 13. 

“I don’t feel any kind of way, Sam, other than happy for him. He’s my best friend, I’m happy he’s getting back out there.”

“Ya know he’s never brought anyone home before, other than Jocelyn.”

“Do you even remember when he was married to Jocelyn?”

“Yeah, a little, but that’s not the point. The point is whether you admit it or not, him bringing you home for Christmas is significant. I don’t know why he’s going out with someone else when he’s clearly in love with you, but…”

“Wait, you telling me you and Lenny ain’t fucking?” Danny cut in. He was sitting on a couch near the table Jim and Sam were sitting at, drinking a beer and talking at Bones’ cousin’s poor husband. Jim had forgotten he was there, and had really hoped to keep their interactions to a minimum.

“I’d watch your mouth, there are children here,” Jim said, nice and even, trying not to betray his annoyance to this man who’d barely ever said one sentence to him. One obnoxious and juvenile sentence, but still. Jo looked up from the floor where she was sitting with Eliza, made fleeting eye contact with him, and then looked away with a blush. Great, this one was going to be fun to explain to Bones. 

“Not your choice what comes out of my mouth, Mr. Squeaky Clean Starfleet,” Danny said, and Jim almost had to laugh. God, he didn’t know the half of it. “All I’m saying is you two look at each other like you’re 5 seconds away from jumping each others…shit, is that why you call him Bones?”

“Don’t talk about things you don’t understand,” Jim pushed his chair back and stood up abruptly. He was not going to punch this man. He was not. Not in front of several of his best friend’s family members. Not in front of Joanna. “The nature of our relationship isn’t any of your business at the best of times, and this certainly isn’t the company to discuss it in front of. C’mon, Jo, weren’t you supposed to call you mom every night?”

“Jim, it’s fine, I…” Jo protested, but Bones had told Jim to look after his daughter while he was gone, especially when it came to his asshole cousin. So he leveled Jo with his best Authoritative Starfleet Captain look, which proved to be pretty effective because she followed him upstairs to her room - formerly Jim’s - without much complaint.

“I’m fine,” she grumbled, sitting down on her bed and crossing her arms, “It was you he was being a jerk to. And dad.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t need to hear language like that at your age. Your dad told me to look after you and we both know he wouldn’t have liked you hearing that,” Jim explained, “And besides, you do need to call you mom.”

“Are you going to go down there and punch him?” Jo asked. She seemed almost excited by the prospect and that was quite unlike her father.

“I don’t think your dad would like that either,” Jim said, though he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to. People could talk about him however they wanted, but when it included Bones too? And when it was said like that, in front of Bones’ daughter? Danny deserved a broken nose. But Jim was turning over a new leaf. He was responsible now. He supposed.

“I think my dad would love if you punched Danny, but he wouldn’t admit it,” Jo said, and she was probably right. “You can go now, I really do gotta call mom, she’ll be worried if I don’t.”

“You need any help?” Jim asked and Jo rolled her eyes,

“You just taught me how to count cards, I can work a comm.”

“Fair point. I’m just gonna, uhhh…I’ll be in your dad’s room if you need me,” Jim said, figuring he should probably take a minute to cool down to make sure he didn’t actually punch Danny in the face. “Good job on the cards today, Jo. You’re a smart kid.”

“Thanks!” she beamed, “Did ya think about what we talked about yesterday?”

“Enjoy your call with your mom, Jo,” Jim rolled his eyes and slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him. For a moment he wondered if maybe it would’ve been easier, fake dating Bones as planned instead of having his whole family trying to play matchmaker the whole time. That certainly would’ve come with its own set of challenges, ones that Jim had thought a lot about a few days prior, but having to lie about his feelings for his best friend several times a day was wearing on him. He could only hope he was convincing enough when it came to Bones himself, because even though this may have to be a conversation they had to have at some point, no way was it happening while they were staying with Bones’ family. No way in hell.

Bones wasn’t out as late that night as he’d been the last time he went out with Sophie. Not that Jim was paying attention. It was probably so he could spend time with Jo, which Jim wasn’t going to argue with. He’d rejoined Bones’ family after he was sure he wasn’t going to hit anyone, and he’d ended up playing poker with several of the adults, excluding Danny who’d apparently stormed off when the rest of the family had agreed that what he said was inappropriate. Bones came home right as Jim was learning first hand that he was soon going to have lost at poker to more than one McCoy, but he didn’t have a chance to talk to Bones one on one until they were going to bed. As it turns out, it was Bones himself that brought up the subject closest at hand.

“The hell did I miss with Danny while I was gone?” Bones asked as he changed, back facing Jim. Jim had averted his eyes while his friend swapped jeans for pajama pants, no longer trusting himself to see without staring, but he allowed his eyes to linger as Bones pulled his cable knit sweater over his broad shoulders, ruffling his hair in the process. Jim’s fingers twitched, aching to touch the firm muscles of his best friend’s back and shoulders.

“Jim, I asked you a question,” Bones said, pulling Jim from his thoughts. He turned around to look at Jim, and Jim had a split second to pretend that he hadn’t been ogling, which wasn’t easy because Bones still hadn’t put on his t-shirt and his chest was at least as nice as his back. It was absurd, he’d seen Bones shirtless more times than he could count, but he’d never really paid attention before. Not like this. But now wasn’t the time, Bones was about 5 seconds away from looking at him like he was some sort of idiot, so Jim pulled his eyes from Bones’ muscled chest to his soft and tousled hair - not much better, but less obvious - and answered,

“You were right, he was an asshole. He was giving me shit about how we weren’t sleeping together. Well, actually he said fucking. In front of all the kids. Didn’t much like it when I told him he was being inappropriate. Heard he stormed off when everyone told him I was right, but I’d taken Jo upstairs at that point.”

“Was she okay?” Bones asked. Frankly Jim was surprised he hadn’t gone storming off as soon as Jim mentioned Jo was there.

“She didn’t really care,” Jim shrugged, “She was a bit embarrassed, but not upset. I just figured, ya know, you probably wouldn’t want her to be around language like that.”

“Thank you, Jim,” Bones nodded. He clapped Jim on the shoulder, and Jim wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or not but it felt like Bones’ hand lingered for just a beat too long. It was over as quickly as it started, though, and Bones broke the contact to finally pull an old t-shirt over his head. “I’m gonna hit the sack, you comin’?” 

“Yeah, just gotta brush my teeth, I’ll be out in a sec,” Jim said. He could’ve done that earlier, but he wouldn’t mind a few minutes to mentally prepare himself for sleeping next to Bones all night.

“Great,” Bones said, then yawned and pulled back the covers on the bed, “Just be careful of Ophelia, she’s lying at the bottom of the bed. And you better not kick me in your sleep again.”

“If I can even get to sleep with your snoring, old man,” Jim teased. He was more worried about accidentally cuddling Bones in his sleep, not kicking him, but it was good to know at least one of them was relaxed about this, even if it was a bit unusual that it wasn’t him.

Going to sleep next to Bones had actually been easier than Jim had thought it would be. The bed in the guest room Bones always slept in was a king, so they had plenty of room to sleep apart without even overly forcing the distance. And, because Jim was a genius for a reason, he grabbed Ophelia from her spot at the bottom of the bed and plopped her in between Jim and Bones. This way, if he tried to snuggle up to Bones as they slept, he’d get a face full of cat fur and probably quite the scratch for his efforts. Ophelia, for her part, hadn’t seemed to mind being used as a cat based cock block and, accidental cuddling worries alleviated, Jim quickly fell asleep, oddly comforted by the sounds of his friend’s snoring.

Jim woke up with a start to the sound of a cat meowing and someone talking. He never had liked being woken up suddenly, so it took a moment for him to realize that the meow had come from Ophelia, who had jumped off the bed, and the talking was Bones. Muttering was probably a better word for it, actually. Bones was restless, muttering in his sleep and moving a hell of a lot more than Jim would ever expect from his friend, who typically slept like a corpse. He figured the meowing had probably been after Bones had attempted to roll over where Ophelia was sleeping. Ophelia had woken up Jim, but Bones slept on.

“Jim, no, no, don’t,” Bones mumbled and rolled over yet again. He looked like he was reaching for something, and for a moment Jim just watched. He wasn’t expecting to hear his own name in what was pretty clearly his best friend’s nightmare.

“I need…Jim, please…please wake up…dammit, Jim,” Bones continued mumbling and Jim realized with a start what exactly Bones was dreaming about. Jim had of course dreamed of similar things the majority of nights since he’d woken up, and he knew that the experience had fucked up Bones too, but he had no idea he was still struggling to this extent. Suddenly it felt cruel to simply let the nightmare play out on its own. 

Jim reached out to his friend and gripped his shoulder and said, forcefully but hopefully not so much that it scared him, “Bones, wake up.”

Bones did just that, sitting up in bed the instant his eyes flew open, gasping for breath like the time they’d decided to run the Academy half marathon without a shred of training.

“You were talking in your sleep,” Jim said, by way of an oversimplified explanation. “Sounded unpleasant.”

Bones spun around at the sound of Jim’s voice, eyes wide in the dark, seemingly not expecting to see Jim there.

“Fuck,” Bones cursed and ran a hand through his messy hair, “Dammit, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Jim waved him off casually, “You tried to roll over the cat, I think she’s the one you should be apologizing to more than anyone.”

“Haven’t shared a room with anyone in a while, if I’d known it was that bad I would’ve slept on the couch downstairs,” Bones said. He still looked apologetic, which wasn’t at all what he should be feeling. How many times had Bones told Jim not to apologize for his feelings? Bones having nightmares wasn’t anything to be sorry for, though Jim did have to know…

“How long has this been happening? Has it been ever since…”

“We’re both too sober to be talking about this. And it ain’t your concern, regardless. I’ll sleep on the couch ‘till Jo leaves, don’t need to be bothering you.”

“Bones, no,” Jim shook his head and grabbed his friend by the wrist. Wrist was safe, nice and platonic. Affectionate, but not holding hands. Shit, now was not the time to be overthinking this. “You don’t need to go sleep downstairs, that could’ve just as easily been me. You don’t have to talk about it, Lord knows neither of us would want to have this conversation if it wasn’t 3 am, but I gotta know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

“Shit, Jim, I have no right to be this fucked up over it,” Bones complained and flopped back down on the bed with a dramatic sigh. Jim kept his hand around his wrist, though. It was grounding. Or whatever. “You’re already helping me. I wasn’t so drunk that night to not remember what I told you, and you just happened to find an excuse to comm me every morning for months. You’d think I was the one who died, fucking hell.”

“No, you were just the one left behind,” Jim said. Like it or not, they were talking about this. It probably was high time. “I’ve done both, I can tell you being the one left is worse. And…I know you like to downplay it, but Spock told me everything you did to bring me back. It’d be weirder if something like that didn’t fuck you up.”

“That sounded almost emotionally mature. Are you sure I’m not still dreaming?” Bones teased, or at least attempted to. His heart clearly wasn’t in it. 

“Can I tell you something, Bones?”

“Are you gonna regret it in the morning?”

“Just ‘cause I don’t have the balls to say it when I’m more awake doesn’t mean it’s not true,” Jim pointed out. He laid back, matching Bones’ position on his back, staring at the ceiling, but kept his fingers wrapped tightly around Bones’ wrist.

“You know you can always talk to me, kid,” Bones finally answered.

“Only other person who knows this is my shrink, and they probably have half a mind to ground me over it, but the thought of even setting foot in engineering makes me wanna have a damn panic attack. You really should know by now that the more I insist I’m fine the more full of shit I am.” Jim tried to end it on a light, casual note but Bones had turned his head and was looking at him so intently that Jim had to look back up at the ceiling. It was just too much.

“It’s getting better, but I’m still terrified you’re gonna slip through my damn fingers,” Bones admitted, and he shocked Jim by pulling his wrist from Jim’s hand and switching their positions so it was Bones’ long surgeon’s fingers wrapped around Jim’s wrist. Jim’s heart skipped a beat, and he could only hope Bones didn’t feel it.

“Is that what you were dreaming about?” Jim asked. Bones said nothing, but he nodded. As much as Jim really hated talking about his feelings, even with Bones, he felt it was necessary now, “Scares the shit out of me too. Death has never really scared me before, still doesn’t really, even now that I’ve been there, but I can’t shake the idea that one day I’ll just go to sleep and…” Jim finished with a choking noise, trying to add a bit of brevity to the morbid topic. He chanced a look over at his friend, and Bones was still staring at him like he was the most interesting thing in the universe. He held the eye contact this time, neither man speaking for God knows how long until Bones cleared his throat and looked away, then flipped on his side, still facing Jim.

“Stupid goddamn emotionally repressed infant,” Bones grumbled under his breath and scootched closer to Jim on the bed so his body was pressed up against Jim’s from behind. Jim’s breath caught in his throat. “Been helpin’ me all this time but you never fucking said anything,” Bones continued grumbling and Jim audibly gasped, unable to help himself when Bones shoved the palm of his hand up Jim’s shirt and splayed it out over his chest, right above his heart.

“Bones, what are you doing?” Jim asked. His voice sounded wrecked, even to his own ears, and his heart was pounding and Bones could definitely feel it, but he couldn’t bring himself to care because what the fuck and holy shit and oh my god Bones’ hand were so cold, but so strong and sure and good on Jim’s chest.

“I’m helpin’ us both.” Bones was still grumbling, like this was all a huge burden to him. Jim, meanwhile, wasn’t sure how cuddling helped either of them with the problem at hand. Because that was what it was, this was absolutely cuddling, and it was new and exciting and scary and oh so confusing. As a rule, they didn’t cuddle. Sure, Jim was a touchy son of a bitch, all shoulder slaps and arm grabs, but cuddling was a whole different ball game, and it was one they only played while shit faced. He supposed 3 am could be considered some degree of drunk, but not enough for this. 

“Who are you and what have you done with Leonard ‘Bones’ ‘Personal Space’ McCoy?” Jim managed. 

“Way I see it, I’ll sleep better if I can feel your heartbeat,” Bones said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“And what do I get out of this, exactly, besides an ice cube pressed against my ass?”

“I’m a light sleeper, most of the time. If your heart stops, I’ll notice before it’s too late,” Bones said, point blank as always. “Don’t tell me you’ve gone and developed personal space issues.”

“No, I just…” Jim paused and thought for a moment. Surely there were better ways to assuage their shared neuroses. Like therapy, not like Jim liked that idea much more than this one. Or an actual goddamn heart rate monitor. But at the same time, given what they had, and what time of night it was, this might be the best they could do to comfort each other for the rest of the night. And Jim couldn’t deny he’d surely sleep better in Bones’ arms. And the way they were arranged wouldn’t even lead to any potentially awkward situations in the morning. So Jim sighed and tried to relax under Bones’ touch, “Okay, this isn’t actually the craziest idea you’ve ever had.”

“‘Course it isn’t,” Bones said, and Jim could just hear the eye roll. “Now go to sleep, Jim, I got ya.”

“Always do” Jim said before he could think better of it. Bones, who was always quick to wake and quick to fall asleep again, just hummed contently in response. 

Jim woke up slowly, not wrenched from sleep by a nightmare or his alarm like he often was lately. He hadn’t felt this well rested in months, and as he slowly returned to consciousness he remembered the conversation he’d had with Bones in the middle of the night, and realized why he felt so secure and safe - Bones’ body was still pressed against his back, his hand still resting under Jim’s shirt, right over his heart. Jim took a steady breath, forcing himself to stay calm, to fight the instinct to pull himself from Bones’ arms before his friend woke and regretted the decision he’d made in the middle of the night, as he surely would. He didn’t want to wake Bones, who was still sleeping peacefully. It would be fine when he woke up. Probably. Hopefully. Granted, Jim had been uncomfortably aware since he woke up that he’d woken up hard, but Bones never needed to know about that, not with the way they were lying. It was natural, happened to all guys from time to time, even if Bones caught on, he wouldn’t have any reason to think it was because of him. So it was fine, and Jim allowed himself the lazy morning, relishing his time in Bones’ arms that came far too infrequently for his liking. 

Jim could tell when Bones was starting to stir, first from the change in the pattern of breath against the back of his neck, and then when Bones muttered some sort of mostly asleep nonsense and rolled even closer to Jim, closing the already barely existent space between them as he angled his lower body towards Jim instead of away from him and lazily intertwined their legs before his breathing evened out again. Jim, on the other hand, refused to breathe at all. If he’d thought they were close before, that had nothing on now, with Bones’ strong thighs twisted together with Jim’s own and, oh god, that was Bones’ dick he was feeling pressed against his ass. This was so much worse than Jim had thought it would be. And so much better. There was a difference between waking up with a hard on and waking up with a hard on pressed against your best friend’s ass, a big difference, and Bones was going to be mortified when he fully came to and realized what was happening. So, logically, Jim knew he really needed to slip out of Bones’ arms so they could both pretend this never happened, but for the life of him he couldn’t get himself to move. He just laid there, frozen, far too comfortable, and waiting for his fate to hit him over the head with a shovel.

Thankfully, fate was kind to him, which wasn’t something he’d been able to say often in his life, and when he noticed the changes in Bones’ breathing pattern that indicated he’d finally woken up, he didn’t freak out. Instead, Bones just carefully shifted positions to tilt his pelvis back away from Jim, which was objectively a good thing as Jim’s internal freak out had been interspersed with fantasies that really weren’t helping his own situation. 

“Mornin’,” Bones mumbled. His lips weren’t touching Jim as he spoke, but it was a damn close thing. Jim tried to focus on deep, steady breaths, hoping Bones wouldn’t notice the erratic beat of Jim’s heart under his hand, or if he did that he’d at least not think further on it.

“Mornin’,” Jim echoed. He’d been waiting for Bones to pull away, but for some reason he wasn’t  and Jim really had to take a piss, among other things he really needed privacy to take care of. So Jim rolled out of Bones’ arms and stretched. “I’d like to remind you before you freak out that this was your idea.”

“‘Course I remember, I don’t have amnesia. And I ain’t gonna ‘freak out’ over the best night’s sleep I’ve had in months.”

“Same,” Jim agreed, then realized that didn’t make much sense. “I mean, I also slept well. It was…nice. Anyways, I’m gonna go, uh, use the bathroom. And shower. So, ya know…”

Jim made to get up, hoping to get out of bed in such a way that Bones didn’t notice the tenting in his pajama pants, but Bones grabbed one of his shoulders and kept him right where he was. There was nobody else Jim would ever let manhandle him like Bones did. Not that he’d ever admit it, but he liked it when Bones put Jim where he wanted him.

“The hell you doing, acting so weird?” Bones asked, “You were worried I’d ‘freak out’, but from where I’m sitting it sure seems like you’re the one freaking.”

“Maybe because we just spent last night cuddling and I woke up with your dick pressed against my ass and I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop where you get all repressed and weird about it!” Jim blurted out, unable to dance around the elephant in the room that he’d planned on ignoring.

Bones exhaled a little breathy laugh, “Are you forgetting how damn handsy you are when you’re drunk? This ain’t our first time spooning and it sure as hell won’t be our last. And as for the other part, it’s a natural part of life and I didn’t plan on giving it too much thought. Unless it makes you uncomfortable?”

Uncomfortable wasn’t the right word for it at all, but at least Jim had enough good sense not to say that so he shook his head, “No, it’s fine, whatever, it’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before.”

Of course, Jim hadn’t seen Bones naked since he realized it was something he should be paying attention to, but that was neither here nor there. 

“And you’ve got a hell of a lot of nerve thinking I’m gonna get ‘repressed and weird’ in the face of a vulnerable situation. Are you thinking of yourself by any chance?” Bones teased and Jim relaxed at their easy banter, just like they’d always were, and he laughed,

“Oh, fuck you. We both know you’re more sexually repressed than I’ve ever been.”

“So’s 98% of the damn galaxy so that ain’t saying much.”

“Are you saying 2% of the galaxy is sluttier than I am? I seriously need to step up my game.”

“Oh, please no, I can barely keep up with the STIs as is.”

“STIs?! I think we both know full well I’m clean. I use protection, I may be a slut but I’m not an idiot.”

“Coulda fooled me,” Bones teased, “But I suppose you’re right, those are the only damn vaccines I can get in you without chasing you around half the ship. Now go take your cold shower, you damn teenager. And dress warm, we’re getting a Christmas tree today.”

Jim let Bones push him by his shoulders off the bed and shove him in the direction of the bathroom, but stuck his head out of the door to ask,

“Wait, don’t your grandparents already have a Christmas tree?”

“We’re getting another one. Chopping it down the old fashioned way and all. It’s a tradition.”

“Weird. Also it’s not cold here.”

“Whatever,” Bones rolled his eyes, “Now are you gonna take your damn shower or should I?”

“You could always join me,” Jim leered, feeling slightly odd about the joke now that he knew it was something he actually wanted. Bones didn’t seem to notice or care, and just showed Jim his middle finger. Jim laughed and closed the door behind him, taking a moment to sigh in relief. Last night had been different for them, but they were still just Jim and Bones. Normal. Perfect. Just like they should be. Thank God.

Chapter Text

The thing Jim realized, somewhere in the second night in a row of Bones sleeping curled up around him, is that Bones loved him a lot. Undeniably. Now, whether this love was romantic or platonic, Jim didn’t know. But regardless, Bones loved him. Bones brought him back to life for fuck’s sake, it should’ve been obvious, and it had been really, Jim had always known that Bones loved him, but there was a difference between being aware of something and being sure of something, and now Jim was sure. Bones loved him. 

He thought perhaps he should tell Bones how he felt. It wouldn’t be so bad, he figured, not when Bones loved him. Did Bones feel the same way about Jim as Jim did about him? Did Bones dream of kissing Jim, caressing him and making his toes curl? Did Bones dream of the two of them holding hands on a patio, old and retired someday? Jim had no idea, and he really wanted to find out. 

Bones would be gentle with his heart, Jim figured, regardless of if Jim’s feelings were returned or not. Bones always had a surprisingly gentle way about him when he knew Jim was being serious about something, so Jim knew that even if Bones didn’t return his feelings, he’d be let down easy and it wouldn’t have a lasting impact on their friendship. But, God, it would still hurt though. A gentle rejection was still a rejection, a firm and hard no to all of his fantasies he’d finally let himself really imagine but that he’d been harboring for years. So it would hurt, of course it would hurt, but it wouldn’t ruin them. And the payoff if Bones did feel the same way? It was starting to feel worth the risk. 

He wouldn’t do it here, though. If Bones rejected him, no matter how gentle he was, it would still hurt. Jim would still want some time alone to regroup and reflect on his feelings, and he just didn’t have the space in Bones’ grandparents’ house, especially not while he and Bones were sharing a bed. And if Bones did have romantic feelings for Jim? Well, in that case Jim planned on spending the following several days in bed with his best friend, getting to know an entirely new side of him that thrilled Jim just imagining it. For obvious reasons, he didn’t want to be in Bones’ grandparents’ house when they did that. So Jim would hold his tongue until they got back to San Francisco. But he was going to tell Bones, he thought. Bones loved him, he had to trust that they’d be okay. After all, you didn’t bring someone back from the dead just to stop speaking to them all because they’re maybe a little bit in love with you. Bones would understand, hopefully. And in the meantime Jim would just try not to slip up. 

“So,” Jim as he untangled himself from Bones’ arms when they finally woke up after another deeply restful night, “What charming Christmas activity does your family have planned for us today?”

“Nothing specific,” Bones said. His voice was still grovely from sleep, and Jim found it oddly charming. If he wasn’t careful, he’d get too used to waking up like this. “Promised I’d take Jo riding today.”

“Oh, right, I always forget you’re a weird horse guy,” Jim teased. Bones elbowed him in the ribs. There were maybe a few downsides to sharing a bed with his best friend. “I didn’t know Jo rides too, I feel like all she talks about is soccer and fish.”

“She takes riding lessons, has no interest in competing though. Joce and I both rode as kids, we wanted her to be comfortable on a horse. She likes it well enough, but mostly just wants to go on trail rides.”

“Hey, speaking of, I really should get Henry and Louise to show me some holos from your old riding days. Or your high school basketball days. Or, hey, didn’t you once accidentally shave your head when you were 12?”

Bones blushed to the tips of his ears and shoved a pillow in Jim’s face,

“Dammit, Jim, you’ll do no such thing! Some things don’t need to see the light of day, and that includes any holos of me before medical school for a reason. Besides, I don’t see you lining up to show me your damn middle school holos.”

“Uh, sorry Bones, I was a little busy running for my life on a murder planet when I was 12 and forgot to take any photos,” Jim teased but Bones’ face fell. In Jim’s mind, Tarsus jokes were funny when he was in the right mood - and waking up embraced by his best friend in a farmhouse bedroom bathed with cool December light certainly qualified - though that wasn’t often enough that Bones was used to hearing Jim talk about it casually.

“Fuck, Jim, I didn’t think…” Bones apologized and Jim rolled his eyes,

“It was a joke, Bones, don’t get your panties in a twist. Anyways, I’m gonna take a shower, I smell bacon downstairs and I want in on that.”

“Ya know, I was hoping you’d be coming with Jo and me on our ride today, in which case it’ll be a waste to shower now.”

“Are you serious? You sure you don’t want some alone time with Jo?”

“Nah, you’re part of the family, we’d love if you came along. Surely you rode from time to time in Iowa?” Bones asked and Jim shook his head, 

“No, we didn’t have any horses, just corn and sadness. So, ya know, you can just go with Jo, I wouldn’t wanna slow you down or anything.”

“Jim, are you scared of horses?” Bones asked, fixing him with a questioning stare that was about halfway to laughter, if the crinkles at the corners of his eyes were anything to go off of.

“I am not scared of horses,” Jim said, and that was mostly true. The idea of trusting something he only had minimal control over freaked him out a bit, truthfully, but he wasn’t afraid. Just rationally uneasy.

“Then come with us, I’ll show you the ropes, it’ll be fun. Jo will be so disappointed if you don’t come, she’s been looking forward to showing off what she’s learned.”

Jim narrowed his eyes at his friend, who looked like he was enjoying the idea of Jim not being naturally good at something far too much. “Low blow, Bones. But fine, as long as you promise not to lecture me if I break my ass. Or skull.”

“Promise,” Bones agreed and stuck his hand out for a handshake. Jim couldn’t help but appreciate the softness of Bones’ hands as they shook on it, keeping their hands clasped for just a few beats too long. It might even be fun, Jim figured, if he didn’t end up in the ICU because of it. Spending some time in the outdoors with Bones and Jo was something he’d be hard pressed to argue with, and even if he hated riding at least he’d get to stare at Bones’ ass in skin tight riding pants for a couple hours. Win/win, really.

Because Bones was out to get him personally, he did not slip into skin tight riding pants, but instead wore an old pair of jeans out to the stables with Jim and Jo after breakfast. Jim couldn’t complain too much, because Bones’ ass looked incredible in everything, but Jim had gotten his hopes up for nothing. 

“Ya know, I was expecting riding pants and leather boots and ass…” Jim cut himself off when he remembered that Jo was walking on Bones’ other side, and simply finished with “chaps.”

Bones clearly caught his slip and rolled his eyes, “Yeah, well, some of us actually dressed to do some damn riding and not modeling, so sorry to disappoint.”

“Aww, Bones, you think I look like a model?” Jim preened with a smirk. 

“I think,” Bones said, “That those jeans are absolutely too tight to ride in.”

“You’re just mad ‘cause I look great and Jo’s got her adorable riding outfit and you look like an old fashioned rancher. Those boots are living on a prayer, man,” Jim teased. If Jo hadn’t been there, Jim would’ve made a comment about how nice his ass looked in his jeans - hence why he’d worn them - but as he wasn’t a complete idiot and knew how to hold his tongue in front of children, he was left hoping that Bones noticed on his own. He thought he had a pretty good chance. He’d done a fair amount of investigating as to which of his pants made his ass look the best before they went out riding, and had come to the conclusion that these were a sure winner. And Bones had no idea what he was talking about - riding pants were tight, he didn’t see how this was any different. 

“Yeah, daddy, how come you didn’t wear your riding clothes?” Jo asked, siding with Jim even if it was for different reasons, “We could’ve matched!”

“Sweetheart, I haven’t ridden competitively since before you were born. I’m sure gram and papa have my old stuff, but there’s no way I’d fit in it.”

“You’ve grown just since I was born? I thought grown ups didn’t grow anymore.”

“Adults don’t get any taller, you’re right, but people’s bodies still change as they get older. Take Jim, for instance. He was a bean pole when I met him,” Bones teased. Jo laughed,

“Isn’t Uncle Jim still a bean pole?”

“Okay, that’s it. I’ll show you a bean pole,” Jim laughed and grabbed a giggling Jo and flung her over his shoulder fireman style. 

“Be careful, Jim,” Bones warned, but he was laughing along and had that look in his eyes he always got when he was watching Joanna have a good time. 

“Always am!” Jim promised, actually meaning it this time. He may take risks with himself, but not with Jo. “Race you to the barn, Bones!”

“That ain’t a good idea,” Bones said but Jim had already started running, if you could call it that. Jo was still a kid, but she wasn’t a toddler and it wasn’t easy to run while carrying her over his shoulder.

“Come on, daddy! Jim’s gonna beat you! Jim, go faster!”

“Who’re you rooting for, kiddo?” Jim asked and he heard Bones mutter something that sounded suspiciously like “fuck it” and then he was running through the field like a child, laughing with Jim and Jo. Naturally, as Bones was unburdened, Bones won that particular race, but Jim couldn’t bring himself to care in the face of the crinkles around Bones’ eyes as he grinned. 

Jim wasn’t quite sure about horses, but watching Bones with them was mesmerizing, and watching Bones and Jo work with the horses was so impossibly precious that Jim had to wonder if he’d fallen into a cheesy romance movie. Jim simply sat back and watched as Bones helped Jo get the horse she called hers when she was visiting her great grandparents ready to ride, and then as they did the same with the horse of Bones’ preference. Bones was so impossibly patient with Joanna as he taught her and gently corrected her and beamed when she knew what to do on her own. Of course, Bones’ patient and kind demeanor went out the window as soon as they finished prepping Bones’ horse to ride. 

“Alright, Jimmy, which horse are you taking?” Bones asked. Jim had forgotten that he was supposed to be deciding between the 4 unclaimed horses while Bones and Jo worked. He was too busy staring at his friend like a love struck fool. It happens. 

“I dunno, maybe the big shiny black one?” Jim guessed, simply picking the horse that looked most visually impressive. 

“You would say that, you cocky son of a…” Bones didn’t finish the phrase in order to shield Jo’s ears. “You didn’t go meet the horses at all, did ya?”

“I didn’t think there was a wrong answer!” Jim protested. He wasn’t about to tell Bones he’d been a bit busy unable to pull his eyes from the cute family moment that pulled at his heartstrings. 

“Thunder bites,” Jo said, and she chomped down on air as a demonstration, “And he’ll knock you right on your butt.”

“He’s a great horse for a rider with experience and patience, of which you have neither,” Bones said.

Jim leaned against a stall door and crossed his arms over his chest, “Well then since there’s a right answer why don’t you just tell me what it is?”

Bones looked at him somewhat blankly and was silent for a few seconds. Jim crossed one ankle over the other and smirked. Bones swallowed so hard that Jim could see it. Bingo, he had his friend’s attention. But it didn’t last long and Bones quickly shook himself out of it.

“You’re riding Angler. She’s a great beginner horse, but big enough for a grown man to ride. Come on, Jim, let’s go say hello.”

“You have a horse named Angler?” Jim asked as he followed Bones a couple stalls over to see a relaxed looking horse with spots like a cow munching on some hay. 

“I named her!” Jo exclaimed, “Her real name is Anglerfish, those are the coolest fish, but kinda scary. My horse here is named Puffer Fish, and mine at where I take riding lessons is Jellyfish, even though they aren’t actually fish.”

Well, Jim couldn’t argue with that logic. 

“What’s your dad’s horse named?” Jim asked, wondering if she’d gotten Bones to stick with the fish theme. 

“I want him to rename his horse to clownfish, but he won’t! So instead it’s stupid Nebula,” Jo grumbled.

“I’m sorry, Mr. ‘I hate space’ named a horse Nebula?” Jim asked.

“That’s Dr. ‘I hate space’ to you, kid,” Bones said, “But that ain’t the point. Jo-bear, can you run and get the equipment for me? Jim, Angler, make yourselves acquainted.”

“Hi there,” Jim said to the horse. The horse, of course, said nothing. In fact, she looked at him like he was stupid, if a horse could do such a thing. “How’s it going? I’m Jim.”

“She’s not gonna talk back,” Bones said, and Jim could practically see the eye roll even though he was working on getting Angler’s saddle on. “I’ve got some sugar cubes in my back pocket, why don’t you give her a coupla those?”

Jim looked down to Bones’ ass, which, for the record, still looked great even in his ancient jeans, then back up to his face. Surely Bones must be kidding.

“Just to be clear, you want me to dig around in your ass pocket?” 

“I’m kidding, Jim,” Bones said, turned around, and there was the eye roll. Bones reached into his own damn back pocket and pulled a few sugar cubes out. “She loves these things, you’ll win her heart forever.”

Jim held his hand out, and Bones placed the sugar cubes in his palm, and that should’ve been that, but Bones fingers brushed across Jim’s palm in a way that absolutely had to be deliberate, and Jim’s mouth went dry. If he wasn’t such a coward he would’ve kissed Bones right then, pushed him up against the stall and just gone for it. Jim had always had a bit of a thing for Bones’ hands, and the feeling of his friend’s long fingers sweeping across his palm was enough to give him goosebumps. But the thing was, Jim was a coward. It really shouldn’t have been so scary, making a move. He’d made moves based on far less with people he didn’t trust even a fraction of how he trusted Bones. But that was the problem, really. Bones may love him, sure, but it was still risky. Jim had never done this before, and he wanted to do it right. So Jim kept his hands and his mouth to himself, and tried not to focus on the weight of Bones’ gaze as he fed an excited Angler some sugar cubes.

Jim was at a bit of a loss of what to say, which didn’t happen often, but Bones broke the silence before is stretched into awkward when he called,

“Jo, did you fall in a damn wormhole on the way back here with the bridle?” 

Jo appeared in an instant, little arms full of a variety of horse riding equipment, and said

“I wanted to give you privacy in case you decided to kiss!”

Bones flushed a bit, enough to make Jim wonder if that’s what had been on his friend’s mind before, then shook his head,

“Jo, what did I tell you about that?”

“You guys are no fun,” Jo pouted, and Jim had to laugh at the little grumpy expression she wore that was so close to Bones’ own. 

“Never claimed to be, now help me get Angler ready.”

Jo simply nodded, and the pair set to work while Jim tried to stay out of their way. They worked quickly, and soon enough Bones patted Angler on the side and said,

“Okay, you’re all set, Jim. Angler isn’t so tall that you should need a step to get on, so have at it.”

“It cannot be that hard to get on a horse, Bones, quit looking at me like you’re expecting this to be a big show,” Jim rolled his eyes. He approached Angler, and ran into his first problem when he was barely able to get his leg high enough off the ground to get his foot in the stirrup. He may have slightly miscalculated on the jeans, not that he’d ever admit it. 

“Now just…” Bones started, then stopped, “What am I saying, you clearly know exactly how to get on a horse yourself, so have at it.”

“I don’t need your attitude, Bones,” Jim said. He gripped the saddle, pushed off the ground with his free foot, and went to swing it over Angler’s back, but somewhere in all of that his jeans decided they absolutely would not be stretching anymore, thank you very much, and instead of swinging his leg over Angler’s back he ended up falling to the ground of the stall with a thud. It hurt, just a little, but it was mostly his pride that stung, what with how Bones was laughing his ass off and even Joanna was giggling. 

“Quit laughing, I could’ve broken my tailbone!” Jim protested. He stood up with a groan and brushed hay off his clothes. Nothing was broken, he’d broken enough bones to know that, but he was going to hurt in the morning.

“You didn’t break jack squat,” Bones laughed, “Except those absurd jeans of yours.”

“What are you…” Jim started to ask, but his hands were already roaming over his lower body looking for a tear, and sure enough he found one, straight down his ass. “Oh, shit. I mean fuck. I mean…”

“I don’t see how that’s a better option to say in front of my daughter,” Bones interrupted him. He wasn’t mad, luckily. In fact, he was still laughing. At Jim, sure, but at least he was damn gorgeous. “Those pants were a terrible idea, you can’t ride in something that tight without any stretch to it.”

“Everyone knows that,” Jo chimed in, rather unhelpfully.

“Well I didn’t,” Jim said, “And admit it, these pants make me look great.”

“They made you look like a fool, but maybe that works for some people,” Bones rolled his eyes, “Now run back to the house and put on some practical pants. I’ve got some old jeans in the drawer of our room, put some of those on and quit trying to look like a model, you ain’t impressing anyone.”

“I’m the only one here who gets to be cute,” Jo said. 

Jim was a bit embarrassed over how poorly his plan to seduce Bones went, and at the whole part where he’d ripped his jeans in front of Bones and his daughter, but he didn’t really see anything he could do about that so he nodded,

“Okay, sorry, I’ll be quick, don’t leave without me!”

“I would, but I don’t think Jo would approve,” Bones said, and Jim really wished Jo wasn’t standing right there so he could flip Bones off with the hand that wasn’t busy preserving his modesty. As it was, he had to hope the glare he shot his best friend communicated it just as well. With how long they’d known each other, it probably did.

Jim ran up the hill and into Bones’ grandparents’ house, one hand covering the rip in his jeans to attempt to preserve some of his remaining dignity. His hope was to do a quick change then run back down to the stables, so as to not keep Bones and Jo waiting, but those hopes were dashed when he quite literally nearly ran into a familiar looking older woman.

“James Kirk,” she said simply.

“Yes,” he confirmed. He had a sinking suspicion that this was Bones’ mother. The resemblance was striking, though he’d never seen holos of the woman before. She just looked too much like Bones to be anyone else, and she was supposed to be coming over later that day.

“Eleanor McCoy,” she confirmed, “My son has told me a lot about you.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” Jim said. He wasn’t actually at all pleased to be meeting his best friend’s mother, with whom he had a tenuous but mending relationship, without said best friend there as a buffer, but he’d been in more intimidating diplomatic situations before. Probably. He just couldn’t think of any at the moment. Regardless, he tried to turn on the charm, hoping that whatever this conversation was, it would be brief.

“Likewise,” she said, and she extended her right hand for a handshake. Jim cursed the universe and any gods that may be listening, because of course his right hand was the one covering the ripped seam in his pants, and he’d have to briefly expose whoever may be behind him to the sight of his underwear in order to shake Eleanor’s hand. He did it, though, because he really would rather not explain this. “Do you know where my son is?” she asked.

“Yeah, he’s down at the stables, we’re going on a ride with Jo. I just had to run back up here because…” Jim started, and he was going to think of a brilliant lie, he was sure, if Bones’ grandfather hadn’t walked behind him at that very moment and said,

“Boy, you have a massive rip down the back of your pants.”

Jim blushed and ran his fingers through his hair, “Yes, Henry, I know. Thank you. I’m just going to change. Uh, Mrs. McCoy, I’ll tell your son you’re here. It was nice to meet you!”

Jim then saw the chance to make his exit and took it, slipping past Eleanor before she had a chance to continue the conversation and high tailing it to his room. That had been…well, it could’ve gone worse, technically.

“So, I met your mother,” Jim said as he walked back into the barn. Bones was in the process of lifting Jo onto her horse, which was absolutely precious, and if she wasn’t already 90% of the way on her horse he may have dropped her out of surprise. Probably not the best timing on Jim’s part. 

“Oh, Christ,” Bones muttered. Jo, on the hand, was either oblivious or apathetic about her father’s dismay, and she grinned,

“Yay, grandma is here!”

“She was only supposed to be coming for dinner. Did she happen to mention what on earth she’s doing here so early?” Bones asked.

“I dunno,” Jim shrugged, “I didn’t exactly stick around to find out, given that your grandfather had just pointed out the massive rip in the back of my jeans.”

“Wonderful,” Bones drawled, “So it went as well as expected, then?”

“What can I say, I’m not really the ‘meet the family type’.  t could’ve gone worse, I think.”

“I’m sure it was fine, grammy loves everyone!” Jo reassured him, “Except dad.”

“Thanks, Jo-Bug. For the record, she loves me just fine, she just…”

“Doesn’t like you all the time,” Jo finished, “I know, whatever, can we ride now or is Jim gonna fall off again? Can I record it this time? It was funny.”

“No recording, but you’re right. Let’s just ride,” Bones said. He walked over to his horse and Jim followed. “Now, Jim, I’m going to do this very slowly, you think you can just do what I do? Preferably without ripping your pants this time.”

“I’m never going to live this down, am I?” Jim asked.

“Think of it as payback,” Bones said, and he swung a leg over the back of his horse and sat on the saddle. Jim thought he did a very good job at actually watching what he was doing and not just staring at his ass the whole time. “Got it?” Bones asked.

“Got it,” Jim confirmed, and it turned out that that time, he actually did.

“It’s not true, you know that, right?” Bones said absolutely out of the blue as they rode through the woods near his grandparents’ house. There was a kind of peacefulness in riding, and even in winter the area was stunningly beautiful. Jim had been to dozens of planets, but truly nowhere had anything on earth. For most of the ride, Jo had been sandwiched between Bones in the front and Jim in the back, and they hadn’t done a whole lot of talking. After an hour, though, they’d happened upon a large clearing and Jo was allowed to wander around with her horse as long as she stayed within sight of Bones, who was stopped in the middle of the field, letting his horse munch on grass while watching after his daughter. Jim, of course, stayed by Bones’ side, because where else was he going to go?

“What are you even talking about, Bones?” Jim asked, “Also, is my horse allowed to eat that weird plant?”

“She’s fine,” Bones assured him, “And I mean it ain’t true about you not being the ‘meet the family’ type.”

“What about me screams ‘parents love me’, huh? The criminal record? The unfamiliarity with family gatherings? The part where I use sex as therapy? I’ve accepted it, it’s not a big deal.”

“You’re full of shit, Jim Kirk. And you’re selling yourself far too short if you think those even approach the most important things about you. My grandparents love you, and they’re far less easy to charm than you may think.”

“Why does this bother you?” Jim asked. Truthfully, he hadn’t meant anything by the phrase when he’d said it the first time. He was well aware that he was out of his depth when it came to meeting people’s parents. He could play starship captain diplomacy all day, but parents felt like a whole other ballgame.

“I don’t like it when you try to sell me the same bullshit you sell everyone else,” Bones said, “You even sell it to yourself sometimes, it’s absurd. But I know you better than that, and you’re half as charming as you like to think, and twice as good as you’d ever believe. People like you, Jim, even when they see past the roguish playboy captain act. Especially when they see past that.”

“Bones…” Jim said, just for something to say. They weren’t usually this genuine with each other, and Jim wasn’t used to accepting compliments that had nothing to do with his looks or his brain.  He felt warm all over, knowing that Bones thought all of those things about him, even if he wasn’t quite sure if he believed them and certainly didn’t deserve them. “That was weirdly nice,” Jim finally finished, because he defaulted to sarcasm and jokes when he was uncomfortable or unsure of what to say. Luckily Bones was the same way, so he just turned up the corners of his mouth in a small smile,

“Don’t get used to it. Jo, let’s get a move on!”

Jo led her horse across the field to take her place between Jim and Bones, and with that the conversation was over, but Bones’ words echoed in Jim’s head for the rest of their ride.

They rode for a few hours, and Jim really should’ve brought a snack and his thighs burned far more than they should’ve given the shape he was in, but he was still slightly disappointed as the stable came into view again. He could see why Bones loved riding so much, and he’d had a blast wandering trails with Bones and Jo, pointing out various wildlife that Jo always declared to be “not as cool as fish”. Towards the end of the ride, he got to watch Jo show off trotting, which she’d recently learned, then Bones had taken off in a run, leaving Jim and Jo to watch and cheer as he and his horse cleared several fences and Bones whooped in joy. 

Jo had taken off to eat lunch and see her grandma as soon as they got back to the stables, and Bones had stayed back to put all the riding gear away and brush down the horses. Bones whistled while he worked, and had a kind of relaxation to him that Jim hadn’t seen maybe ever. It was breathtaking. Jim just fed the horses apples and enjoyed the fact that his friend’s shoulders weren’t up near his ears anymore.

For a while, Jim was content watching Bones work, but it seemed like it kept dragging on and on, and when Bones started talking about giving one of the horses a bath, he finally called him on it.

“You’re stalling.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Bones grumbled, and while Jim hated to see the easy smile slip off his face, he knew this had to be said.

“Does that horse really need a bath or are you just putting off seeing your mother?”

Bones said nothing, and looked like he was going to grab the hose, so Jim grabbed his arm,

“Are things bad again?”

“No, it’s stupid, nevermind the horse bath, let’s just go.”

“Bones. I wanna at least know what I’m about to walk into, okay?”

Bones sighed, “Look, she and I are on fine terms. She says she forgives me…”

“You have nothing you need to be forgiven for,” Jim interjected, as he always did on the rare occasions where they talked about this. Bones rolled his eyes and continued,

“And she acts like it. We’re not as close as we were before, ain’t ever gonna be in my opinion. But we’re not gonna start yelling at each other or anything. We talk every so often, and sometimes it’s not even painfully awkward.”

“I get that,” Jim laughed humorlessly. His yearly calls to his mother were something he felt obligated to, but never enjoyed.

“‘Suppose it’s more my fault at this point. When she’s not around, I can pretend I didn’t…” Bones shook his head, “But I can’t run from it when I’m with her.”

Jim was a bit of a fixer, and he’d always struggled with what to do with this little piece of Bones’ history, because there wasn’t a thing he could do to make it better, no matter how many times he assured his friend that he’d done nothing wrong. But he’d learned, through trial and error, that in these moments Bones just wanted the presence and support of a friend, and that Jim could definitely do. So he slid his hand up Bones’ arm and wrapped it around his shoulders. 

“Hey, I’m here for you, okay? No matter what.”

Bones swallowed hard and nodded, “Thanks, Jim. Let’s just get this over with. I bet you’re more than ready for lunch.”

“Nah, I ate a couple of the apples meant for the horses,” Jim admitted and Bones laughed a little and Jim knew that, no matter Bones’ discomfort for this situation, that they’d get through it together.

Chapter Text

Bones’ mother being over really hadn’t been bad. In fact, when it did eventually turn bad, Eleanor McCoy had nothing to do with it. Bones either wasn’t as uncomfortable as he thought he’d be, or he was doing an unusually good job of hiding it, but nothing about the afternoon or dinner was at all tense. It wasn’t until after dinner that things went to shit.

Jim was playing a friendly game of scrabble with Jo, Bones’ aunt Katherine, and his cousin Frederick. Frederick was good naturedly accusing Jim of cheating, which Jo had decided to back him up on. It was nice, and despite Bones having some pointless argument about politics with Danny, it felt like having a family. In fact, maybe it felt like having a family because of the mild arguing. Just as Jim was thinking that, of course, was when it rapidly went to shit.

Jim hadn’t been paying any attention to what Bones was discussing with Danny. They weren’t speaking loudly, Jim could tell by Bones’ body language that he wasn’t really upset and instead was just having fun arguing as he sometimes did, and Jim had his own game going on. Bones was a grown ass man and more capable in a verbal spar than even Jim was, he didn’t need babysitting. However, Jim really wished he knew what came before Danny raised his voice for the entire room to hear and said,

“I can’t believe I’m getting lectured on morality by the man who killed his own father.”

The entire room went silent in an instant, and for the briefest of seconds you could’ve heard a pin drop. And then Bones punched Danny so hard Jim heard Danny’s nose crack. 

“Don’t you fucking talk about things you don’t understand,” Bones seethed, and he might’ve walked away from it if Danny hadn’t swung a fist of his own. This was his mistake, as Bones had been hand to hand combat trained just like any other Starfleet officer, and despite his hesitance to use what he’d learned, he could more than hold his own. Jim had sparred with Bones enough to know that Bones was no slouch, and it didn’t come as a surprise when Bones caught Danny’s fist and twisted his arm around his back, eliciting a yelp. 

“Don’t you talk about things like this in front of my daughter, you fucking lowlife,” Bones demanded, still holding Danny’s arm at an awkward angle behind his back. Jim had no idea what to do. He thought he should maybe break it up, but he couldn’t bring himself to give a shit if Danny got roughed up a little, not after he mentioned that in front of everyone. Everyone else seemed similarly conflicted, and simply watched the scene like it was a hover train wreck they couldn’t look away from. 

Danny clearly had no idea when to just shut the fuck up, because even with his arm yanked behind his back he gritted out, “What, Len, you don’t think your daughter deserves to know that you’re the reason why she doesn’t have a grandpa? Don’t you think it’s high time everyone…”

Bones cut his cousin off by twisting him around and punching him yet again, hard enough to knock him to the floor. Someone screamed, maybe several someones, and Jo yelled “Daddy!” as Bones dove to the ground to make sure Danny wasn’t going to be bouncing back up. And that was when, as much as Jim would love to watch Bones punch his asshole cousin’s lights out, as much as Danny certainly deserved that and more, Jim decided it was time to end this. Bones would likely regret this, as he often did the very few occasions he resorted to physical violence, and he certainly would regret losing control in front of Joanna. So Jim crossed the room in a couple long strides and yanked Bones off Danny by his shoulders. Frederick had been thinking something similar, and was only a few paces behind Jim to hold back a bloody and bruising Danny. 

“Let me at him, Jim, he fucking deserves it,” Bones growled, straining against Jim’s arms. Jim, though, always bested Bones at hand to hand, and Bones wasn’t about to use his full strength on Jim anyway, so he held Bones firm.

“Bones, I know he does,” Jim assured him, “But that’s enough, Bones, you’re scaring Joanna.”

Joanna seemed to be the magic word, and the fight drained from Bones in an instant as he looked over his shoulder at his daughter, who had found the cat somewhere and was holding it in her arms while she trembled. 

“Get some damn air, both of you,” Bones’ grandfather cut in with the clear and authoritative tone of the family patriarch, despite his age. “I want you both out of this damn house until you calm down, I wouldn’t tolerate this behavior from you if you were half your ages.”

“He broke my damn nose!” Danny complained, his voice nasally and pinched. 

“Might wanna get that shoulder checked out, too,” Bones mumbled.

“Len, shut your mouth,” Henry said, “Danny, you damn well deserved that and you know it. Go to the damn clinic if you need to, I don’t give a shit, but I want you both out of my house for the next two hours, got it?”

“Yes, sir,” Bones agreed in the same tone of voice he used when accepting orders he hated from admirals he couldn’t argue with. “Let me go, Jim, dammit.”

Jim was pretty sure of the fact that Bones wasn’t going to try to go for Danny again, it wasn’t his style to begin with and he clearly wasn’t happy with how his behavior had upset Joanna, so he loosened his grip on his best friend, who angrily stalked out the back door. Jim considered going after him, but decided he really could use some space right now. 

“Who’s gonna drive me to the emergency department?” Danny asked. Nobody volunteered. “Mom?”

Bones’ aunt Jess sighed and got off the couch,

“You don’t need the emergency department, Daniel. But I’ll drive you to the clinic.”

“I could have brain damage!” Danny complained.

“That’s not news,” someone muttered.

“You don’t have brain damage,” his mother said, with all the patience of someone who knew their child was a piece of shit, yet still had that parental love for them deep down no matter what. 

“Jessica, get that damn kid out of my house before I decide not to let him back in,”  Henry insisted. Jessica nodded and grabbed Danny by his uninjured arm and led him unceremoniously out the door.

There were several heavy, silent moments after the door shut behind them, before they were broken by Frederick, who asked,

“What in the hell was that about?”

“Danny’s had his nose places it doesn’t belong, that’s what that was about,” Bones’ grandmother said. She hadn’t gotten off the couch, but she had her arms crossed and was glaring rather strongly at something or other.

“What I don’t understand,” Katherine said, “Is why Len acted like there was truth in what he said. I don’t believe he would ever…he’s always been such a gentle boy.”

“You will have to excuse me for this conversation,” Eleanor said tersely. She had her shoes on and her purse in her hand before she even finished her sentence. “Good evening,” she simply said as she walked out the door.

“Oh my God, so it’s true,” Katherine gasped, as if this was the latest piece of gossip in some stupid magazine. Henry sighed,

“It’s probably high time you know the truth, but I don’t want the kids anywhere near this conversation. No buts, Georgie. Everyone under 18, make yourselves scarce, this isn’t something you need to hear.”

Georgie and Sam trudged off, Frederick’s husband took their young children upstairs, but what concerned Jim the most was Joanna running out of the room. Jim had let Bones storm off, but Bones was a grown man, and Jim wasn’t about to let his daughter run into the night, so he followed.

“Kirk, you should probably hear this too,” Henry stopped him but Jim shook his head,

“I’ve heard it all before. I’m going to go check on Jo.”

Henry nodded, and Jim followed Joanna into the darkness of the night.

Fortunately, Jo hadn’t gone far. Jim found her sitting on the porch step, staring off into the distance with Ophelia in her arms. She didn’t seem to be crying, but it didn’t take an empath to tell she wasn’t happy, not that Jim was surprised.

“Mind if I join ya, kiddo?” Jim asked. Jo nodded so Jim took a seat next to her. She didn’t look at him, and focused on scratching behind Ophelia’s ears. 

“Daddy’s down at the stables,” she said.

“I’m not looking for your daddy, he’s a big boy, he can handle himself. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

That finally got Jo to look at him, “Why would I be okay? They just said my dad’s a killer, and nobody ever said he wasn’t! Not even you or grammy or papa!”

“Your dad isn’t a killer, Jo,” Jim said, because while the whole situation was all sorts of complicated, even for adults, it was important that she understood that Bones would never hurt anyone. It wasn’t his place, but he just couldn’t have Joanna thinking that about her dad, not when it couldn’t be further from the truth..

“Then how come…” Jo waved her hands around in the air a bit, clearly trying to communicate “all of that” but not having the words to explain it. 

“You don’t need to worry about it, it’s really complicated grown up stuff. Just know your dad would never hurt anyone,” Jim said, which was apparently the wrong thing to say because Jo shot him a glare that truly only a McCoy was capable of.

“Why does everyone say that? I’m not stupid! I’m old enough to hear that daddy killed grandpa but not old enough to hear why he didn’t? That doesn’t even make sense!”

Jim sighed, but like the McCoy she was, Jo wasn’t done yet,

“Do adults even remember what it’s like to not be told anything just ‘cause you’re ‘too young’? Nobody tells me anything and it makes me so mad!”

“Jo, I understand. I remember,” Jim assured her, because he really did. He felt for the girl. He, too, had spent far too much of his childhood being kept in the dark about things just because people thought he was too young to understand it, and he couldn’t forget how frustrating it had been. But at the same time… “Telling you isn’t my decision, though. It’s your dad’s story, not mine, and you’re not my kid.”

“And he’ll never tell me,” Jo pouted, “Especially not if he did it!”

“He didn’t hurt anyone, I promise,” Jim assured her, but he doubted she was going to listen to anything he had to say that wasn’t an explanation of why she’d just heard her dad be accused of murder and nobody refute it. He understood why she was upset, but there was really only one thing he could do about it, and he doubted it would go well. Still, he felt bad letting her be this upset, so he had to try. “What if I talk to your dad about it for you, huh? Maybe I can talk him into telling you what happened, does that sound okay?”

Jo nodded meekly so, after making her promise to stay on the porch and not run off - which she vehemently insisted was for little kids, so she’d never do it - Jim started cutting through the dark field behind the house to head to the stables, where Bones was and an uncomfortable conversation was waiting.

Part of Jim expected to find the stables empty. He wouldn’t have been surprised if Bones had taken off riding to get some of his energy out, but he was still around, jumping his horse over fence posts in the little indoor arena, a look of total focus on his face and a hard set to his shoulders. Jim waited and watched for a few minutes, admiring the grace and power of his best friend, even when he was this upset, but when Bones kept not noticing him he hollered,

“Hey, Bones, we gotta chat!”

Bones looked over at him for a brief moment, then looked away and called,

“Fuck off, Jim! Can’t a man have some goddamn privacy around here?”

Bones then jumped the horse again, and while Jim was sure he could wear his friend down, Jo was waiting so he decided to save them both some time and play his trump card.

“It’s about Joanna!”

That did it. Bones trotted over to Jim, hopped off his horse, and crossed his arms,

“What about Joanna?”

“She’s got a lot of questions, and she’s pretty upset, and I think you should consider…” Jim started but Bones shook his head and cut him off,

“Absolutely not. Out of the question. Now if that’s all…”

“Bones,” Jim grabbed Bones’ arm as he was turning away, “Bones, listen to me. I know you don’t like talking about it, I know you’re pissed and trust me I would’ve punched Danny if you hadn’t. But just…I mean think about what Jo must be feeling. She just heard her father get accused of murder and in the ensuing whatever the fuck that was, nobody once said anything to the contrary.”

“Maybe because it’s the goddamn truth,” Bones grumbled and made a token attempt to yank his arm out of Jim’s hand, but Jim just shifted his grip so he was clasping his best friend’s shoulders.

“I know you don’t really believe that anymore. I know you don’t. And Jo shouldn’t either, but until someone gives her a good reason not to then she doesn’t have another choice! She won’t think less of you, Bones, she loves you so goddamn much, and you’re a good enough father to figure out how to explain this to her in a way she’ll understand.”

“She’s too young,” Bones argued, but with less venom this time, which Jim counted as a win. “It’s too upsetting a story, and she’s too young to hear it.”

“Normally I’d agree with you but in this case I don’t see how the truth is anymore upsetting than what she’s already heard! And wouldn’t you rather tell her than risk finding out how Jocelyn is going to spin in? Maybe she’ll tell Jo Danny was right.”

“That’s not why…she was never…that’s not why Joce and I ended things, and she understood what I did. She won’t tell Jo lies about me. We may have had our issues, but she’s a good mother and she’s not vindictive. All the same, it ain’t her story to tell.”

“Yeah, it’s yours. Be there for your daughter, Bones. She needs you, and in 10 years she’s still going to remember that you loved her enough to tell her the truth and put her hurts over yours,” Jim said. Bones said nothing for a few long moments, then pulled his helmet off, ran his fingers through his hair, and sighed deeply.

“Dammit, god dammit I did not want you to be right about this. This is gonna be a goddamn bitch of an uncomfortable conversation, fuck me sideways. Give me 10 minutes to figure out how the hell I’m gonna explain all this bullshit, I’ll meet y’all up at the house. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to figure this out alone.”

“Fuck off, read you loud and clear,” Jim said. He removed his hands from his friend’s shoulders but before he headed back to sit with Jo while Bones thought about what he was going to say, he had to ask,

“Bones, are you okay?”

“Obviously fucking not,” Bones drawled, “But as you so astute pointed out, it ain’t all about me. I put this mess before Jo once and now I’m relying on my ex’s goodwill to spend any time with her at all. I ain’t about to make the same mistake twice.”

“Okay, well…good luck,” Jim said. Bones just rolled his eyes and muttered,

“Never had it.”

Jim chose not to dignify that with a response.

Bones took all of his self-appointed 10 minutes hanging back with the horses, and when he finally trudged up the hill to the house he looked like he was going into battle. As much as Jim wanted to stick around for this conversation, just to make sure Bones was telling it right, he slipped inside as Bones approached and allowed him to have the conversation he needed to have with his daughter. That didn’t mean he didn’t check in on them every so often, though. Their room overlooked the porch where Bones sat shoulder to shoulder with his daughter, and Jim tried to give them their privacy, but couldn’t help looking up from the book he was reading every so often to peer outside. When he saw Bones had his arm wrapped around Jo’s shoulders, Jim abandoned his spying and went back to his book, certain that however it was going down there, they were going to be alright.

Jim was actually already in bed by the time Bones finally came back to their room. He’d been trying to sleep, but somehow he’d managed to get used to sleeping in Bones’ arms in only two days, and he was already having a shockingly difficult time without it. He said nothing while Bones readied himself for bed, and waited for Bones to lie down next to him to ask,

“So, how’d it go?”

“Shoulda known you were awake,” Bones said after flinching almost imperceptibly, “It went fine.” 

“Fine as in amazing or fine as in she’s going back to your ex’s tomorrow?”

“Fine as in fine.”

“You wanna, like…” Jim started to offer but Bones cut him off,

“I’d rather scoop my eyeballs out with a spoon than think about this shit for even one more second.”

“Fair enough,” Jim acknowledged, “‘Night, Bones.”

“Oh for Christ’s sake, you emotionally stunted asshole, just ‘cause I’m mad doesn’t mean I’m mad at you,” Bones grumbled and pushed at Jim’s shoulder, “Roll the fuck over. I need all the help sleeping tonight that I can get.”

“You’re so mean,” Jim complained, but he did as requested. He wasn’t about to turn down another night in Bones’ arms. And there was something comforting about Bones being a dick in that way Jim could tell wasn’t serious, but that sometimes concerned onlookers. Jim took it as a sign that despite everything that happened that day, his best friend was going to be okay.

“Never claimed I wasn’t,” Bones said, and slid his hand up Jim’s shirt to rest over his heart and keep him held close, just like the previous two nights. “‘Night, Jim. And…thanks.”

Chapter Text

Jim slipped into consciousness slowly and gradually became aware of several things. First, from the angle the sun was coming through the window, Jim knew he had slept for longer than he’d slept in a while. Second, he’d once again woken up in Bones’ arms, safe and comfortable and secure. Which brought him to the last, but perhaps most important thing Jim noticed upon slowly emerging from sleep: Bones was already awake. And not just already awake, he was rubbing soft circles into Jim’s chest. The embarrassing part of all this was that his heart skipped several beats when he realized this, which Bones surely felt.

“‘Mornin’, Jim,” Bones mumbled. His voice wasn’t heavy with sleep like it tended to be when he first woke up, but there was a softness about him that suggested he hadn’t been awake all that long. 

“‘Morning,” Jim mumbled back. He was loath to break this soft, peaceful moment they were in, so he indulged Bones for a while and relished the feeling of skillful surgeon’s hands tracing lazy circles above his heart. Sure, he may have no idea what brought this on, but there was that saying about looking gift horses in the mouth for a reason.

“Grammy and papa are making waffles,” Bones announced as he finally withdrew his hand from Jim’s chest. It was a little bit pathetic just how close Jim came to literally whining at the lack of contact. Okay, it was a lot pathetic. He stretched out languidly, yawned something that might sound like “mmmm, waffles,” if one squinted, then flipped over to face his best friend. Bones was close. Very close, closer than they usually were to each other. Jim swallowed hard, and forced himself to keep his eyes on his friend.

“How’d you sleep?” Bones asked. Jim had decided he was going to count the flecks of gold in Bones’ eyes, and hadn’t been paying any attention at all. He considered trying to make something up, but he just didn’t care enough and Bones probably wouldn’t buy it anyways.

“Hmmm, what did you say?” Jim asked.

“I said, how’d you sleep,” Bones repeated, “You need to get your damn ears ch-ecked?”

Bones stuttered at the end, hitching in a breath as Jim acted on instinct and brushed a stray lock of thick, dark hair away from his friend’s face. 

“Like a goddamn baby,” Jim answered, “There are certainly benefits to this sleeping arrangement you thought up.”

He entwined his fingers in Bones’ hair and scratched lightly at his scalp, as if to prove his point. 

“Ain’t that the truth,” Bones agreed, “Only reason I even got a lick of sleep last night. Jim, what’re you doing?”

“Whatever the hell I want, as per usual,” Jim shrugged, but he drew his hand back and flushed a little at the rejection. It didn’t seem any different than Bones rubbing circles into his chest as he woke up, but he may have miscalculated what exactly Bones wanted from him this morning. Bones, however, rolled his eyes,

“Show me where I said stop.”

“Fair point,” Jim agreed, then flipped over on his back and patted his chest, “Com’ere, Bones. We gonna chat.”

“We don’t need to ‘chat’, and we certainly don’t need to cuddle.”

“Oh yeah, an innocent scalp massage is definitely the biggest physical boundary we’ve pushed this week. My mistake,” Jim said with a roll of his eyes, actually allowing himself to speak the unspoken between them. “And we do need to chat. You woke me up under the promise of waffles but haven’t made a single move to actually get them. Now, given everything, I’ve got two major theories, but with what happened last night I’m learning towards you being nervous to face everyone, am I correct?”

Bones sighed, the kind of sigh that let Jim know he was right, then slid over and placed his head on Jim’s chest, and Jim wrapped an arm around Bones’ middle. It had always been easier for both of them to have these kinds of conversations if they didn’t have to look each other in the eyes, and if Bones wanted to start his morning out with a little cuddling between friends, this really was the best set up.

Jim combed through Bones’ thick hair with his fingers and tugged lightly, relishing Bones’ breathy exhale. 

“‘Suppose you’re right,” Bones admitted after a long stretch of silence. “I talked to Jo last night, God that girl loves me more than I’ve ever deserved. She bawled her eyes out, but she understands what happened, why I thought it was the right choice in the moment. Maybe it’s ‘cause she’s so young, but it never seemed to cross her mind to think less of me for what I did.”

Jim pulled a handful of Bones’ hair hard enough to pinch and Bones elbowed him in the side.

“What was that for, brat?”

“You’re getting dangerously close to the whole ‘I’m a terrible person’ bullshit. So help me, I'll shove you off this bed.”

“Do you want me to talk or do you want to criticize how I say it?” Bones asked. Jim shrugged,

“Preferably both. Glad it went well with Jo, though. Granted, I knew it would…”

“Yeah, yeah, you told me so,” Bones rolled his eyes. Jim went back to scratching lightly at his scalp, and tried not to pay too much mind to how Bones’ head leaned into his touch. Bones sighed contently then continued,

“Problem is, I don’t have a clue how things went down with the rest of the family. How grammy and papa explained it, how people took it. I’m gonna be walking down there blind. Papa let me know Danny ain’t allowed back in this house ‘till he apologizes, though, so at least there’s that.”

“Well, look at it this way, worst case scenario we grab Jo and drive down to Florida and spend Christmas on the beach. I promise to only complain about using sunblock a little bit.”

“Technically, taking Jo to Florida when she’s supposed to be back with her mom tomorrow would be considered kidnapping, and I’d have to kiss any dreams of ever getting partial custody goodbye.”

“Fair, and we’d also get court martialed, and that sounds like a pain in the ass. Change of plans, it all goes pear shaped and you drop Jo back with your ex a day early, we exchange the hovercar for a bike, and we spend a week getting absolutely shitfaced in Miami,” Jim amended. Bones huffed out a laugh,

“What would I do without you?”

“Drink alone, which is much more sad.”

“Sure is,” Bones agreed, and in the silence that followed he began lazily tracing shapes onto Jim’s thigh. Sure, it was down by his knee, nowhere improper , but Jim’s mouth was still running dry and he had to close his eyes and think of the admiralty in their underwear to keep this from becoming very awkward very quickly.

“So,” Jim broke the silence once he was certain he wasn’t about to do something stupid like guide Bones’ hand further up his thigh or thumb at his wonderfully pink bottom lip or… “You’re worried that when we go down there everyone’s going to throw tomatoes at you and boo you out of the house.”

“I appreciate how seriously you’re taking this, Jim. Really,” Bones drawled. “‘Suppose you’re right, though. Not like I told a lot of people.”

“Yeah, fair, but your grandparents know and don’t have a problem with it, you said Joce was fine with it, and Jo took it well, and I’ve made it clear how I feel. It didn’t go great with your mom, but it’s not like most people hate you for it.”

“I think that somehow made me feel better and worse at the same time. All those people you listed, though, are people who I was very close to and don’t get me wrong I love my extended family but it just ain’t the same. They may not be willing to give me the benefit of the doubt.”

“Fuck ‘em then.”

“It ain’t that simple.”

Jim sighed, “I know. But, honestly Bones, I don’t know how to make this not suck for you.”

“You can’t make it not suck, Jim,” Bones said, “I just need you by my side, okay?”

“Okay. Obviously, I’m here whenever you need me. What’re friends for, right?”

“Yeah,” Bones agreed, suddenly switching from tracing shapes in Jim’s thigh to fiddling with his own ring. “Yeah, what’re friends for.”

Jim shot his friend an odd look, “You okay, Bones?”

“It’s been a long past 24 hours is all,” Bones said. “I’m gonna take a shower, if you don’t mind.”

Bones then extracted himself from Jim’s arms and began padding towards the bathroom, and Jim was left wondering what exactly had happened at the end of that conversation and just what was going on in his best friend’s head. What he wouldn’t pay to be a mind reader sometimes.

Jim busied himself while Bones was in the shower, messing around on his PADD, researching fun things to do with Joanna that day, since Bones hadn’t mentioned any plans. He wanted to have something in hand and a solid distraction when Bones got out of the shower, which proved useful when Bones emerged not just flushed and a bit damp like he usually did, but also clad in only a towel slung low across his hips. The two of them had roomed together at the Academy, so Jim had seen Bones in just a towel - and less - countless times, but this week he’d been bringing his clothes into the bathroom and emerging clean and fully clothed. It was a personal courtesy, probably, one that Jim was both grateful for and extremely irritated by. Jim had, of course, seen Bones shirtless countless of times, even since he’d realized how he felt about his best friend, and while there was no denying that it was a tempting sight, this was somehow even better. Kilometers of flushed, damp skin was spread out before him, from Bones’ broad chest to the cut of his hips to a peak of strong thighs. There was a droplet of water clinging near Bones’ belly button. Jim wanted to lick it off. Instead he swallowed hard, crossed an ankle over a knee in mock casualness, and looked back down at his PADD. 

“Forgot my goddamn pants,” Bones said, as if he needed an explanation for something they’d done at the Academy all the time. It hadn’t been a big deal then, and it wouldn’t be now if Jim didn’t want to jump Bones’...well, bones. But Bones didn’t know that - maybe - so Jim was going to keep his eyes to himself. At least when Bones was looking.

“So, I was thinking we should do something fun today, seeing as how it’s our last day with Jo,” Jim said. Bones grabbed a pair of briefs and some jeans from the dresser and dropped his towel like it was nothing, which it probably was to him. Jim allowed himself to look for 5 seconds, then he counted to 5 twice more, just in case he’d counted too fast the first two times. He managed to tear his eyes away from his friend’s body as Bones pulled on his briefs and turned around.

“Thanks for the reminder,” he grumbled. 

“Anyways, there’s this holo site down in Atlanta. Like the training programs we did at the Academy? But they’re commercially available now. I’ve even heard rumors they’re gonna put prototypes on the next gen of starships, and if that whole Kahn mess had happened next year we might’ve even gotten one in the refit…”

“Jim,” Bones cut him off, “Quit rambling.”

“Sorry,” Jim said. Bones was wearing jeans, now, but still shirtless, and it wasn’t doing good things to Jim’s ability to be coherent. “So they’ve got this place down in Atlanta that has a shit ton of entertainment programs. Some are a bit more…I mean you have to know what people are doing in those things, right? But they’ve got a bunch of kid ones too! They’re a bit pricey, but it’d be on me. Christmas present, ya know? Look, they’ve got one where she could play with the best women’s soccer players of all time, scaled down to her level. And this one here’s called “fish exploration: midgrade” and I think she’d really love…”

“Jim ,” Bones cut him off again.

“Sorry,” Jim laughed a little, “You know how I get. Anyways, we should go today.”

Bones sighed and raked his fingers through still wet hair, “Look, Jim, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the thought, but it ain’t gonna work today. I’m meeting Sophie for coffee this afternoon then I’ve got dinner with Jocelyn and her husband tonight.”

Jim’s heart sunk, and he hoped he kept it off his face. “You can’t cancel? It’s Jo’s last day here.”

“I’m well aware of this, thank you. Thing is, even if I canceled with Sophie, Jocelyn wants to talk about Jo and I ain’t putting that off.”

“Okay, I get it, gotta stay local. She likes ice cream, right?”

“Every kid likes ice cream, but I was actually planning on having some one on one time with her today. There’s a local ballet school doing something called Nutcracker Junior as a matinee this afternoon, Jo and I have tickets.”

Bones looked regretful, and it did sting a little but not as much as Jim thought it would. He was well aware that while he was Jo’s fun Uncle Jim, Bones was her dad, and he wasn’t going to begrudge him quality time alone with his little girl. 

“Totally get it,” Jim said, trying to be a good sport and largely succeeding. “No biggie.”

“I’m sorry, Jim,” Bones said, and he looked it, too. Or, well, he looked something. Jim hadn’t seen that particular expression on his friend often, if at all, so he wasn’t quite sure what it meant.

“Don’t apologize,” Jim waved him off, “It’s Joanna. Just have fun and don’t come back covered in glitter.”

“It’s a children’s ballet, not a strip club,” Bones rolled his eyes.

“Whatever. Now, I believe you mentioned something like an hour ago about waffles? Ready to quit stalling? I feel like I’m on Tarsus all over again.”

Bones’ mouth fell open, which was the desired effect, “Quit sayin’ shit like that! But fine, let’s get you your damn waffle, you infant.”

Jim grinned and allowed himself the contact of throwing his arm around Bones’ shoulders and led him out of their room. As they were heading down the stairs, Jim hissed in Bones’ ear,

“Ha, made you forget you were scared.”

Bones nearly stopped in his tracks and whispered “motherfucker” under his breath. Bones would probably argue that he was the worst best friend in the galaxy, but since they were too far down the stairs for Bones to turn back without looking like he was running away, Jim was pretty damn sure this made him the best.

Breakfast was awkward. Bones and Jim sat in the dining room, eating reheated waffles and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Jo had given Bones a big hug when they’d first come downstairs, but then she’d gone back to playing a holo game with her cousins. Aside from Jo, nobody had said anything to either of them. The air was thick with tension, and Jim kept having to remind himself not to say something stupid just to break it. Nobody was yelling so it could’ve been worse, but it was awkward as hell.

Bones ate his waffle like it was going to run away if he didn’t stab each piece as hard as he could with his fork, and when he finally finished angrily chewing the last piece he pushed his plate in front of him and said,

“Okay, let’s just get this over with. If anyone’s got anything to say, now’s your chance.”

“Do you want me to punch Danny again for you?” Frederick asked, “I’m his brother, so it’s kinda my purview.”

Bones sighed but said nothing. His aunt Katherine, who Jim had caught pouring bourbon into her coffee already that morning, crossed the room and wrapped her arms around Bones’ shoulders. 

“It must’ve been so hard for you. We love you, Len.”

Bones stiffened and shot Jim such an uncomfortable look that Jim couldn’t help snorting into his coffee. 

“...Thank you, Katherine,” Bones said.

“It didn’t go poorly last night, so quit your worrying and have some more waffles, you ain’t gonna get home cooking out in the black,” Bones’ grandmother said, and dropped another waffle onto the plate that Bones was very clearly not touching anymore. Jim dug into it, just because someone had to. 

“Nobody here is going to tell anyone,” Bones’ uncle - and Danny’s father - promised, “So if you’re worried about getting fired, don’t be.”

“More like court martialed,” Bones said under his breath, “Jim, quit eating my waffle, dammit.”

“I don’t see you eating it,” Jim pointed out, “And you’re not going to get court martialed. Quit being so dramatic.”

“Being best friends with a captain must have its perks,” Frederick said.

“That’s way above his paygrade,” Bones rolled his eyes.

“You’re not going to get court martialed,” Jim repeated, “Because Starfleet Intelligence has known about this shit for years, I guarantee it. If Danny knew, they know.”

“Danny found some old forms in the attic I thought we’d destroyed and put two and two together,” Bones’ grandfather explained, “Don’t see how anyone else could’ve known about that. And don’t worry, we purged the files, even if Danny blabs he has no evidence.”

Leonard nodded his thanks, then looked back to Jim, as if he was expecting some sort of answer.

“There, you’re not going to get court martialed,” Jim declared, “I still maintain they’ve known since they recruited you.”

“I maintain that that’s impossible,” Bones rolled his eyes, and just that simple gesture warmed something inside Jim. Bones had been tense as all hell since they’d come downstairs, and if verbally poking him a bit was what it took to get him to relax, Jim was more than willing to continue.

“Please, Bones, Section 31 knows what flavor your birthday cake was when you were 10. They know what you’re eating for dinner a week from Tuesday. You don’t get to have secrets. Neither of us do.”

“You sound like an insane conspiracy theorist.”

“Sure, but I’m right. After all that stuff with the Vengeance, you gotta know Section 31 is keeping secrets we don’t even know we have.”

“He has a point,” Katherine’s husband Michael chimed in, “Conspiracy theories seem much less far-fetched these days. Our neighbor thinks the Kelvin was an inside job, and I always figured she was a loon…”

“Turns out she’s a loon,” Bones said through clenched teeth, “That maybe ain’t the best example, all things considered, don’t ya think?”

Bones kept trying to look at Jim, clearly trying to ask if he was okay without actually asking. Jim forced himself to swallow the bite of waffle in his mouth and nodded at his best friend. It was awkward and uncomfortable, hearing someone mention that so casually, but it wasn’t as if he hadn’t heard that particular brand of bullshit before, and he was a bit desensitized at this point to people mentioning the circumstances of his birth, even if he didn’t love it.

“Damn, sorry, I forgot…” Michael said, and the apologizes were always more awkward than whatever they had originally said, so Jim interrupted him with a wave of his hand and said,

“I personally prefer the theory that the Eugenics Wars never happened.”

Bones nearly choked on his coffee, “Jim, that’s ludicrous.” 

“Funny, though,” Jim said.

Bones sighed dramatically, “This family is going to send me to an early grave.”

“And yet you spend time with me by choice.”

Bones slumped forward into the table. He was such a drama queen. “God help me,” he muttered.

Jim decided that Bones being gone most of the day meant it was a perfect opportunity for him to surprise his friend by decking the outside of his grandparents’ property with Christmas lights. Bones had been through a lot the past day, and Jim just wanted to see him smile. It was corny, probably, but he didn’t care. Besides, the rest of the family would love the lights too, and they deserved it after being so welcoming. Though that was really more of an unrelated bonus at this point.

Jim thought, as he hooked lights along those goddamn gutters he’d cleaned a few days ago, that maybe he should tell Bones how he felt that night. There were plenty of good reasons to, though there were also plenty of good reasons not. He was pretty sure, though, that Bones felt the same way. Jim may not be the best with emotions and relationships, but he wasn’t stupid and all the signs were there lately. There had been something between them recent, this trip especially, that felt a lot like love. They were touching more, for one, being more gentle with each other, and there was just…something. Something in the air between them lately. It was impossible to describe, some kind of nameless feeling that was half tension, half the most at peace Jim had ever felt in his life, so Jim wanted to tell him. He wanted to hear Bones say he loved him too, wanted to light up the yard in Christmas lights and press kisses to his best friend’s surprised mouth. If he was being honest, he didn’t know if he was going to last all the way until they got home to San Francisco without saying anything.

“Why are you putting up Christmas lights?” someone asked, and Jim whipped around to see Sam and Georgie poking their heads out a window.

“‘Cause they look nice, and it’s almost Christmas,” Jim said simply.

“Yeah, Christmas is in 2 days, why even bother at this point?” Georgie asked.

“I wanted to do something nice for your family,” Jim said, which wasn’t strictly a lie.

“And by ‘our family’, you mean Len, don’t you?” Sam asked, “That’s really romantic.”

“It’s not romantic, I’m just trying to make my friend happy,” Jim rolled his eyes, “It’s not as if they’ll be rose petals and chocolate hearts. Even if we were dating, which we decidedly aren’t, neither of us are really the romance type.”

“Romance isn’t just Valentine’s Day stuff, it’s all about showing someone you love them. Obviously,” Georgie said. She sounded like she thought Jim was a complete idiot.

“I don’t mean to sound condescending, but you’re sixteen years old, I wouldn’t exactly consider you an expert on romance.”

“I’ve had two boyfriends and a girlfriend. I know a thing or two. Everyone loves being swept off their feet a little.”

Jim sighed and finished snapping the string of lights onto the section he was working on. He couldn’t believe he was getting a lecture on romance by a teenager. Granted, he didn’t exactly have a lot of experience in that area himself, but at least he wasn’t sixteen, which was something.

“Look, if you guys aren’t gonna help, can you at least stop trying to analyze every action I do?”

“Wait, we can help?” Sam asked, sounding oddly excited to do something that Jim considered a bit of a chore.

“If you want to. You’re not getting on the roof, though, I’d rather not be sued by your parents if you fall. You can do the ones on the porch and the shrubs. If you’re sure you really want to?”

“We’d love to help you with your romantic moment! That way, when you kiss him, it’s partly because of us,” Georgie said.

Jim rolled his eyes, but didn’t dispute her. If that was what it took, then that’s what it took. 

Jim decided he had to do something about this whole situation while he was sitting alone in Henry McCoy’s shed, fixing up an old pair of hoverboots that he planned on using to wrap lights around some of the trees on the McCoy property. Not all, obviously. They had a lot of land and he was just one guy with one day, but he was hoping to get some done. He’d been unable to shake the idea that maybe he should tell Bones that night, and the way he saw it, he just had to talk this through with someone. Someone that wasn’t Bones.

“Hey, do you got a minute? I gotta talk to you about something,” Jim said. Christopher Pike sighed on the other end of the comm,

“Son, if you’ve been arrested, call McCoy.”

“I didn’t get arrested! I’ve been a model, law abiding citizen this whole trip. I haven’t even broken any laws or any Conduct Unbecoming rules.”

“Something makes me doubt that.”

“Bones’ daughter has been here nearly the whole trip, I’ve been on my best behavior. Unless you count speeding as breaking the law, which it totally doesn’t by the way, then I’m clean. Why would you assume that I was in jail?”

“I’ll remind you that you were in a bar fight when I first met you,” Pike said, “But yes, I’m free, I’ve got nothing but time. Get on with it.”

“Look, I need your advice on something, but as my…” Jim paused and sorted through his mental list of roles Pike played in his life. Mentor, friend, father figure, all sorts of things that felt strangely vulnerable to say out loud, so instead he said, “Not as my commanding officer.”

“That’s the assumption I make each time we speak.”

“Not fair, I’m totally professional.”

“Uh huh,” Pike nodded, “I would like to bring your attention to last year, when you comm’d me to report that there was an STI outbreak on the Enterprise but you, quote, had nothing to do with it, unquote.”

“Well that wasn’t a lie and it felt like pertinent information. Anyways, I’m in a bit of a tight spot. Not jail. It’s more of a tight spot…interpersonally? Emotionally? I don’t fucking know.”

“This is about McCoy, isn’t it?” Pike guessed.

“What makes you say that?” Jim asked, though it was true. He just didn’t like thinking he was that obvious.

“Because if it wasn’t, you’d be talking to him about it,” Pike pointed out.

“Fine, yes, it’s about McCoy. Problem is, uh, I think I’m in love with him?”

“Is that a question, Kirk?”

“No. I’m definitely in love with him,” Jim said. It felt weird saying aloud something he’d been in denial about for so long, but also freeing, in a way.

“Is this a new thing? Because the rest of us have been watching the two of you dance around each other for years.”

“I dunno, I’ve been in denial about it for a while, but now that I know, I want to be with him.”

“And to you, having feelings for someone is being in a tight spot?”

“Yeah, I mean I have no idea what the hell to do! I figured, you’ve been happily married almost as long as I’ve been alive, maybe you’d have some decent advice.”

“I don’t know what you kids are doing, but back in my day the traditional first step was asking someone on a date,” Pike said, in his “I thought you were a genius” voice. He used that voice a lot. 

“Thanks,” Jim rolled his eyes, “My problem is that I’ve been planning on telling him how I feel when we get back to San Francisco, when we have more space to deal with whatever his answer is. But, I dunno, lately I’ve been thinking maybe…”

“You’ve been getting impatient,” Pike guessed and Jim nodded. 

“It’s just…I want to. I think he feels the same way, and I’m getting sick of waiting now that I’ve accepted how I feel. Besides, uh, I don’t want to accidentally, ya know…before I tell him how I feel.”

“Surely you have some sexual restraint,” Pike said and Jim flushed. He normally didn’t get embarrassed about these things, but everything with Bones felt so much more personal. And besides, Pike was about the last person he wanted to know details about his sex life. It was too awkward. 

“It’s not that, really. I mean it is, but…I dunno, we’ve been bunking together while Bones’ daughter is here and it’s been really pushing our physical boundaries - don’t give me that look I’m not talking about sex! - and I’m worried that we’re going to end up with no inhibitions at 2 am hooking up and him thinking I want a friends with benefits kinda thing. Which I totally wouldn’t blame him for thinking, given my history, but…”

“But that’s not what you want,” Pike finished for him, which was good because Jim might’ve kept blabbing for several minutes if left unchecked. 

“No, and everyone says communication is important even though that sucks ass and we both hate it, but I’d rather bite the bullet and tell him how I feel about him than end up hurting us both because we’re not on the same page.”

Pike nodded and didn’t say anything for a few long moments. Finally, he said,

“I’ll admit I’m impressed. That’s shockingly mature of you.”

“I think I should be insulted by that.”

“If you don’t know, then you certainly should,” Pike teased, “It seems like you’ve made up your mind on what you want to do, I’m failing to see the part where you need my advice, son.”

“It’s just that if Bones doesn’t feel the same way, I’m going to want some space. And if he does feel the same way, we’re going to want some space. And we’re staying with his grandparents.”

“No noise cancellation features in the rooms?”

“No, it’s an old house, and very low tech. I could probably whip something up, though. I didn’t really consider that, but all I’d need to do is write a program for my PADD, I think. Wow, I think you just solved my biggest problem!”

“Happy to help,” Pike said, “If that’s all…”

“Actually, one more thing. It’s just that I want to do this, I really want it, and I’m going to tell him how I feel, but how do I make sure I don’t fuck this up? He’s really important to me, and I have no idea what I’m doing,” Jim admitted. He doubted he would ever say that to anyone other than Pike, and maybe Bones himself. He hated admitting he didn’t know what he was doing, but if there was one lesson he’d learned in his first year as captain - and he would like to think he learned this, at least somewhat - it was that sometimes it was just easier to ask for help.

Pike sighed,

“Kirk, you remember what I told you when you first made captain?”

“Uh, don’t break my ship? Which,  sorry about that by the way.”

“What I told you that’s relevant to this situation.”

“Don’t sleep with anyone in your chain of command? Technically medical is it’s own thing, and you married your CMO so I don’t see…”

“Kirk,” Pike interrupted him, “You are going to fuck this up. You are going to fuck this up in ways you haven’t even thought of yet. You’re going to make mistakes and you’re going to hurt him and you’re going to discover pressure points between the two of you that you never knew you had.”

“Is this supposed to be helpful?” Jim asked, because it sure as hell didn’t feel like it.  Pike ignored him and continued,

“You’ve never had a romantic partner before, and there’s a learning curve to every new relationship. It’s like I told you when you got the Enterprise: you’re going to fuck up a lot at first, and then once you get the hang of it you’re still going to fuck up sometimes. But  making a mistake doesn’t mean you’re a failure. If McCoy feels the same way about you as you do about him, and I think he does, then he’s going to give you grace, just like you’ll give him grace when he fucks things up. You can’t avoid making mistakes in a relationship. You’re still going to bicker and disagree and say the wrong thing, but if you love each other, you work through it together and try to learn from it. Relationships aren’t the Maru, it’s not about no win scenarios, it’s about teamwork and you get as many do overs as you decide to give each other. You treat each other with the love and respect you have for each other, and you’ll get through the messes. But there will be messes.”

“I mean it’s not like we just barely met or something. He knows me better than I know myself. And the other way around, too, I think. I feel like you’re being dramatic.”

“Phil and I were friends for a decade before he asked me out. Romantic partners is different. Harder, in some ways. But infinitely worth it. I haven’t regretted saying yes to him once, and I don’t think you will either. I just want you to go into this with your eyes open. And you were right about what you said earlier: communicate with the man. Tell him that you’re nervous, not me. He’s the one you’re building your life with. I’m just a washed up crotchety old admiral.”

“But you’re my favorite washed up crotchety old admiral,” Jim grinned. “The rest of the admiralty probably think you’re crazy for putting up with me.”

“Oh, I know they do. Good luck, Kirk. Phil is making lunch, so I have to go, but let me know how it all turns out. Somehow I’m actually invested in all of this.”

“You’re probably just bored,” Jim teased.

“Out of my mind,” Pike confirmed, “Pike out.”

Jim smiled at the screen and shot finger guns as the feed closed out. It was decided, then. He was going to tell Bones how he felt that night.

Chapter Text

Jim thought that maybe this day was going his way. Bones didn’t linger at the house long enough after dropping Joanna off to notice the work they were doing, and Georgie and Sam excitedly roped their younger cousin into helping them with some of the ground lights. It wasn’t long before the entire family knew what he was doing, which resulted in some uncomfortable teasing and probably unbelievable evasions on Jim’s part, but ended up being a net positive as various family members filtered in and out of the house to help him with the decorating. His plan had been to do the whole thing himself, but he welcomed the help. It would look even better this way.

Sunset forced an end to their decorating, and Jim headed in for a much needed shower. He ended up borrowing some cologne from Frederick’s husband Dimitri - notably not a cousin nor someone Bones had known for years, Jim was trying to be seductive here after all - and it was around then that he finally gave up correcting Bones’ family when they assumed he had a plan for tonight. If tonight went like how he hoped it would go, they would all notice the change in the two of them soon anyways. Jim didn’t necessarily confirm anything, as this thing with Bones felt weirdly private, more so than anything had before, but he stopped bothering trying to convince people that his feelings towards Bones were purely platonic.

Bones was late again, which surprised Jim a bit. He knew that his friend was going to end his evening with Jocelyn, and as much as he said they got along now, Jim figured that wouldn’t be something he drew out as one might with a date. Jim wasn’t jealous at all, actually. Not when it came to Jocelyn. She was the mother of Bones’ child, and apparently a friend these days, but he’d heard enough to know that Bones’ had no interest in a full reconciliation, and given that Jocelyn was happily married now, he assumed she didn’t either. So Bones could spend as much time with Jocelyn as he wanted without Jim feeling bitter, but he was nervous. He was pretty sure he and Bones were on the same page about this, but talking about his feelings was never something he was comfortable with, and there was always that chance that he’d been massively misinterpreting the signals he’d been getting from Bones. So Jim picked at his dinner, then spent a full hour reading a single goddamn chapter in his book because he couldn’t focus and all the times he looked out the window for Bones’ rental car really wasn’t helping. 

Joanna was actually the one who alerted him to Bones being back, that wonderful child, and Jim quickly shoved his feet in his boots, pulled on his nice jacket, and excused himself to meet Bones outside. 

Bones was carrying a takeout container in one hand with the other hand shoved in the pocket of his jacket. He was chewing on his bottom lip and didn’t exactly look thrilled, but Jim didn’t take that as a sign of anything. Bones didn’t look thrilled most of the time, and he’d just gotten done eating dinner with his ex and her new husband. 

“Hey, Bones,” Jim greeted his friend right before he turned the corner leading back to the house. It was better to talk over here where it was harder to see them from inside the house. He knew they’d have an audience.

Bones jumped a little, “Jesus, Jim, you can’t just sneak up on me like that. The hell are you doing out here anyways?”

“I, uh, kinda wanted to talk to you before we’re surrounded by your whole family,” Jim said. Bones sighed and looked almost resigned, which wasn’t the best sign, but he said,

“Yeah, I might as well too.”

“Huh?”

“I mean I also have something to say. But you can go first,” Bones offered, and normally Jim would’ve jumped at the opportunity, but Bones’ body language was all closed off and uncomfortable in a way they never were together, and Jim had this sinking feeling that whatever Bones was going to say would feel incredibly awkward coming off of a love confession. So Jim shook his head,

“No, you go first. Are you okay? You look kinda constipated. More than usual, that is.”

“Fine. I’m fine. Let’s walk.”

Jim agreed, and the pair walked in silence towards the fields in back of the house for a long few minutes. Jim wasn’t sure if Bones still expected him to go first, but he didn’t really want to, so they were both silent for a while. Finally, Bones said,

“So I figured I owed you the heads up that I’m seriously considering requesting a transfer off the Enterprise and taking a ground posting.”

Jim stopped walking. His heart probably stopped as well. 

“I’m sorry, what?” he managed, “Why?”

“I want to be here more,” Bones said simply, as if that was a good explanation for such a life changing decision for the both of them. Jim, well, he was panicking a little. Bones had teased him before about how he’d been unable to go into space without Jim by his side, even though that was most certainly a lie. But the truth was that it was mutual. Sure, they both could go into space without each other, but Bones was open about having no desire to do so, and even though he’d never said it out loud, Jim didn’t have any desire to do that either. His friendship with Bones was the longest lasting and closest relationship he’d ever had, and the idea of not having him around all the time? That was hell.

“Is this because of Sophie?” Jim asked, definitely too bitter but not really caring. 

Bones pulled a face so extreme that even in the low light of the backyard, Jim could see the way he screwed up his features, 

“Do you really think that little of me, that I would make a decision like this over a woman I’ve known for less than a week? I don’t understand why you care about her so much, she’s a woman I’ve seen three times and you’re acting like I’m fucking eloping. You were the one who encouraged me to meet her in the first place, I don’t know what your problem is.”

“Look, it’s complicated, okay? But that’s not the point, what the fuck do you mean you’re transferring?”

“It is the point. You’ve been acting really weird lately, what the fuck is your problem?”

“So it’s because of me, then?” Jim asked. His voice might have broken somewhere in there, because the idea that Bones might take a ground posting to get away from him felt like dying all over again. It didn’t make a lot of sense, especially not with how things had gone the past week, but that was of lesser importance at the moment.

“No, it’s not because of you! Fuck, Jim, not everything is about you! You act like you have some kind of claim on me…” Bones accused, but Jim was never good at sitting there and taking it during a fight, which this was somehow turning into, so he interrupted him,

“No I don’t! What the hell are you even talking about?”

Bones kept right on talking as if Jim hadn’t said a word,

“But you don’t, okay? I know when we first met, neither of us had anyone else, but that’s not how it is anymore. You’re my best friend, always will be, but dammit Jim I have other friends now, I talk to my family again, I…”

“And I have no problem with that! That’s good! Hell, that’s great! I’ve never said, never even thought that I should be the only person in your life. Lord knows I’ve got other friends, too! Where is this coming from?”

“Oh really? Then why the hell do you do that little pouty jealous face of yours every damn time I make a friend who wasn’t already yours? First Alex, now Sophie…”

“Alex was a fucking asshole,” Jim pointed out because that one, well, there had been jealousy involved, but Boyce and Chapel hated him as well, and neither of them were in love with Bones. He didn’t think. “And Sophie? It’s not ‘cause she’s your friend, come on Bones, it’s just,” Jim groaned and kick at the grass under his feet, “It’s just different, okay?”

“Helpful,” Bones rolled his eyes, “You need to get it the fuck together, grow up, and realize that the goddamn galaxy doesn’t revolve around you. Sometimes people make decisions that have nothing to do with you.”

Jim laughed humorlessly, because it was probably better than punching his best friend in the jaw. “That’s funny. Real hilarious. As if ‘nobody’s choices revolve around me’ wasn’t the very first lesson that the universe taught me, and then again and a-fucking-gain. Never in my goddamn life have I had someone put me first unfailingly or been someone’s top priority. My father’s death wasn’t about me, my mother leaving wasn’t about me, Sam running away wasn’t about me, all of Frank’s bullshit wasn’t about me, fucking Tarsus wasn’t about me, my own death wasn’t even about me!”

Bones clenched his jaw, “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Nobody thought of a single thing other than you for those two weeks you were out, and that ain’t a problem, but for Christ’s sake, cut the pity party, it’s not a good look on you. I brought you back to fucking life, it’s high time I make a decision that’s not about you for once in the past five goddamn years.”

“You really did that for me and not in some misguided attempt to absolve yourself of the guilt you carry from your father? A life for a life, right? You know, I never asked you to…”

“You better shut your mouth right now before I break your damn face,” Bones ground out. His fists were clenched at his sides, and he nearly shook with an anger Jim was certain he mirrored. “I don’t know if you’re truly deluded enough to think that, or if you’re just trying to piss me off, but allow me to make one thing exceedingly clear: I brought you back because I couldn’t stand to live in a world without you in it, because I’ve risked both my life and my career for you time and time again, because for some goddamn reason that’s currently escaping me, I do actually love you and give a shit about you. But I sure as shit don’t like you right now, and you have no right bringing my father into this. Get yourself together and come to terms with the fact that I’m my own damn man and can make choices that you don’t have any bearing on.”

Bones then turned on his heels and began stomping back up the hill towards the house.

“What, so you’re just going to walk away because it’s fucking easier?” Jim called, unsure if he was talking about the argument or the transfer. 

“Sure am,” Bones said without turning around, “Gonna go spend time with a friend that won’t yell in my face for wanting to spend more time with my own goddamn daughter!”

Normally, mentioning Joanna was something of a magic word in Jim’s head to flip off any anger he may have. Jim loved and admired how dedicated Bones was to his daughter. Their very first fight, back at the Academy, had been over Bones waking up at 4 in the morning several days a week to talk to his daughter in their little dorm room, and when Jim had asked who the hell he could possibly be talking to at that time and Bones revealed he had a daughter in Atlanta, Jim couldn’t find it in himself to be upset anymore. But this time? Maybe if Bones had led with that, the whole conversation would have gone differently, but with everything that had been said between them, the best Bones’ explanation would do was throw a loop in Jim’s brain long enough for Bones to stalk out of sight and take the last word with him.

“Fuck you!” Jim finally shouted into the night air once he was able to process this information enough to know he was still beyond pissed at his best friend. Bones, however, was already in his rental car, evidenced by the beams of headlights suddenly speeding away from the house, and likely didn’t hear Jim’s delayed cursing. Fuck him very much indeed.

Normally in situations like this Jim’s instinct was to do one of the three F’s: fight, fuck, or flee. It was the only way he’d dealt with difficult emotions for most of his life, before he’d met Bones and started to get his shit together - two things that were inextricably linked. Jim was working on developing healthier coping mechanisms, but standing alone behind Bones’ grandparents’ house, unsure of who he was more mad at, Bones or himself, all he wanted to do was fall back on the classic three F’s. That wasn’t going to work here, though. Bones had taken the rental car, and he respected Bones’ family far too much to steal any of their cars, no matter how mad he may be. Being where he was, fleeing was rather necessary to fight or fuck because, again, he respected Bones’ family and didn’t want to drag them into his bullshit. So Jim was left with no other option than probably the first remotely healthy coping mechanism he’d ever developed: running. 

Not wanting to have to face Bones’ family, Jim slipped in the back door and headed upstairs before anyone could talk to him or even look at him for too long if they noticed him at all. He then traded the clothes he’d worn to try to impress his friend for his running clothes, toed on his shoes, and left out the window in an attempt to not have to face a single goddamn person.

Jim ran and ran, feet pounding against Georgian country roads and the chill of the wind numbing his knuckles. He ran until he stopped thinking about Bones, about how much he loved him, about how he was leaving, about how badly they both had handled that conversation, about if any of the things either of them had said had any truth in them. He ran far, far longer than he should have, tuning out pain in his feet, ankles, calves, and quads and the burning of his lungs, the coppery taste in his mouth. It took his mind off Bones, and in that moment that was all that mattered.

Of course, his body would only let him get away with that for so long, and after a little over an hour he was overcome with nausea and bent over the side of the road and wretched miserably before collapsing just far enough off the road to avoid being hit by passing cars. 

“Fucking shit,” Jim breathed, then coughed and spit, hoping to get some of the sour taste out of his mouth. What he wouldn’t do for some water right about now. Black spots danced in his vision, and he laid back to try to avoid passing out, though the feeling of the hard pavement against his head wasn’t exactly the most comfortable position. He laid there for a while, gasping for breath while his lungs tried to play catch up with the demands of his body. Normally, an hour of running, even at a decent pace, wouldn’t be a challenge for him, but despite what he sometimes wanted to believe, his body still wasn’t back up to the place it had been before he’d died. He had a lot of muscle mass still to gain back, and a lot of PT to do. Hell, he was just trying to pass the officer’s fitness requirements, something that had been laughably easy for him the first time. So he was feeling every single one of those kilometers, and he allowed himself to lay pathetically on the side of the road until the idea of getting up became more tolerable than laying his head on pavement for even one more second. Thankfully for him and what little of his dignity he had left, this part of Georgia was so rural that nobody passed him the whole time. 

After an embarrassing amount of time laying on the side of the road - actually, any time laying on the side of the road was probably embarrassing - Jim pushed himself up to sit, then finally stood on shaking legs. He took a step forward, or at least tried to, but it was more of a stumble as pain shot through his leg and his muscles twitched helplessly. Fuck. He was at least ten kilometers from Bones’ grandparents house, knowing his pace lately probably closer to twelve, and even walking a single kilometer felt like torture to him right now. He could do it, Jim knew he could do it. He’d been put through tougher in survival training at the Academy, he could make his body do all sorts of miserable things in the name of keeping himself or, more importantly, his crew alive, but he wasn’t marooned on a planet or on a starship falling to earth. He was on earth, in Georgia, and his comm was in his pocket. It would be embarrassing, considering he only had one number in his comm that was actually around here, but he was cold and miserable and there wasn’t any kind of ride service this far out in the country, so he was left with little option other than sitting back on the pavement and dialing Bones’ number.

Bones, predictably, didn’t answer. Of course he didn’t. They’d just had one of the worst fights they’d ever had less than 2 hours ago, Bones probably didn’t want to talk to him. The feeling was a bit mutual, but facing Bones won out over hobbling for hours back to the McCoy farm. So he sent a text based comm explaining the situation and dropping his location, waited 15 minutes, then finally started hobbling when he had yet to hear anything. 

After about half an hour of hobbling on and off, during which time he probably made it a single kilometer, a familiar looking hover car pulled up beside him. Jim breathed a sigh of relief as Bones rolled down the window and said,

“Jesus Christ, get in the car before you rip all your goddamn muscles in half.”

Jim did so happily and sunk into the passenger seat, which at the moment was the most comfortable thing he’d ever sat in. 

Neither of the two men said a single word as they drove back to the McCoy farm. It was quite possibly the most awkward silence they’d ever had between them. Bones was still mad. Jim didn’t love the situation either, but Bones had come for him anyway. It was in that moment that Jim had something of a realization. Not that he’d been an asshole, that had come earlier, but that Bones had been right about shaping his entire life around Jim. Jim had never really thought about it before, and there were about a million and a half better ways that Bones could have gone about pointing it out, but his general point was correct. They’d said terrible things to each other, and Bones may very well have been in the middle of having hot angry sex when Jim had comm’d, but Bones had still come for him. It was a startling realization, especially paired with Bones’ intention to leave the Enterprise. Maybe Bones also had a bit of a point about needing to make decisions for himself, as much as Jim wasn’t a fan of the one he was making.

Jim thought on that for a while, too long a while actually because he suddenly realized that it should have been a short ride in the hover car back to the house, and yet they’d been driving for at least 20 minutes. So Jim broke the thick silence between them,

“Where the hell are we going, anyways?”

“24 hour clinic in the next town over,” Bones said, his tone gruff and leaving no room for argument. Not that Jim had ever cared about that.

“I don’t need to go to the damn hospital, I’m fine.”

“I think the hell you aren’t. And, besides, I said clinic, not hospital. I already comm’d the woman on call tonight and she sent me the entry code, so you’re not getting out of this one.”

“You comm’d her before you even picked me up?”

“Figured you’d have to be in pretty bad shape to comms me right now. And I wasn’t wrong, from how you were walking, if you could call it that.”

“I’m f…” Jim started, but Bones cut him off,

“Please just shut up.”

And because Bones had just done him a massive favor, Jim decided to shut up and go along with it, just this once.

The next town over was only really a town by the loosest definition of such, as was the 24 hour clinic. It must mean there was someone on call 24 hours a day, because the little office was dark when they arrived. Somehow Jim’s muscles had gotten even tighter as he’d sat in the car, and he all but stumbled out as Bones punched in the code to the door. Bones sighed, as if Jim’s inability to walk properly was impacting him most of all, and met Jim back at the car and slid Jim’s arm around his shoulders and his arm around Jim’s waist. Bones didn’t leave any room for complaint, but also didn’t say anything at all, so the pair slowly made their way into the office in the same awkward, stilted silence they’d been in since Bones picked Jim up. 

There was only one exam room in this place, and Jim didn’t even argue about sitting on the biobed, something he usually avoided at all costs. Bones began poking around the office, looking for something Jim wasn’t sure about, but they were alone in the place, which seemed odd.

“So when’s the doctor gonna show up?”

“You’re lookin’ at him,” Bones said as he pulled a medical tricorder from a cabinet. “Did you hit your head, too?”

“No, I just figured since there was someone on call and we…” Jim trailed off, “I mean you were busy.”

“Well now I’m not,” Bones said, “Lay back.”

Jim did as instructed and remained silent as Bones ran the tricorder over his legs, and then his entire body just for good measure. Bones finally finished scanning him - in twice the amount of time he took to scan literally anyone else - and then tossed the tricorder back on the counter with a frustrated sigh.

“Give me your communicator.”

“Why?” Jim asked. Usually he didn’t keep secrets from Bones, but he had definitely messaged people about the whole situation where he was in love with Bones, and he hardly wanted Bones stumbling across those.

“Because I need to know how far and how long you ran for and I don’t trust you to tell me the truth,” Bones said. It was something he would’ve normally said, but there was more bite to it. Jim tried not to flinch.

Jim decided on a happy medium and pulled up the auto track record of his workout on his communicator and held it up for Bones to see, but kept his fingers wrapped firmly around the device. 

“12.75 kilometers in just under an hour. Jesus Christ, Jim, what were you thinking?”

“My normal pace is faster than that. I did the Academy half at that pace on no training.”

“Yes, but you’re not normal right now!” Bones exclaimed, “You died just 6 months ago! You know full damn well you aren’t at your regular fitness levels yet. Just last week you were telling me you were worried you wouldn’t be able to make the officer’s fitness exams before the Enterprise launched again. What have you been running in PT? And you better not lie to my face, I will find out.”

“Before we left, I just hit 5k without resting,” Jim admitted. He was telling the truth, he owed Bones that, even if Bones wouldn’t have found out regardless.

“And how long did that take you?”

“Just under half an hour. Uh, 29:18.”

Bones clenched his jaw and ran his fingers through his hair, “So you’re telling me that the hardest you’ve pushed your muscles since you died, since you could barely walk for a month, was a half hour 5k, and somewhere in the depths of your so-called genius brain you thought that pushing your legs and your goddamn heart to more than twice the distance in less than half the time was a good idea? You’re lucky you didn’t have a heart attack on the side of the goddamn road!”

Usually Jim would never let anyone yell at him without yelling back, not even Bones, but he was so goddamn tired of fighting with his best friend that all he felt was annoyed that Bones was still clinging to this. Jim sighed,

“What do you want me to say? I didn’t think it was a good idea, I didn’t think. I didn’t run that fast or that far on purpose, I was just pissed and wanted to turn off my brain and ran until my body stopped me. It was stupid, I pushed myself way too hard, I could’ve seriously injured myself, I get it. I got it when I threw up in some bushes and realized I was going to have to comms you with my goddamn tail between my legs because there was no way I was making it home on my own. But it’s not like I did it on purpose.”

“I don’t know what I want you to say,” Bones said, visibly deflated, “I don’t know, but I want you to know that when you messaged me to say you had ran too far and were unable to walk home, I didn’t really think we’d end up here, I thought we’d end up in the ED, or worse, and you can’t keep doing that to me. I can’t take it.”

“Is that why you’re leaving?” Jim asked, surprising even himself with the lack of malice in his tone. It was a genuine question, and he hoped Bones saw that for what it was.

“Your electrolytes are off, so I’m going to give you a hypo for that, should help with the muscle cramps as well, but you tore the hell out of a ligament in your ankle and you’re going to need a couple hours of regen so get comfortable,” Bones said, seemingly deciding to pretend that Jim hadn’t said anything at all.

“Seriously, Bones?”

“Lift your leg up,” Bones said, and Jim did as requested so he could strap the regen to his ankle. Jim relished the fleeting brushes of Bones’ steady hands against his aching ankle, then winced as Bones pressed a hypo into his neck. Bones then collapsed into a chair near the biobed and exhaled heavily, as if he were the one who ran further and harder than he had any business running this soon after being dead.

“You really wanna have this conversation again?”

“I dunno, I don’t think I’d call earlier a ‘conversation’,” Jim shrugged, “I think that was more two guys acting like giant dicks for no reason.”

“Fair enough. Look, Jim, about that, I crossed a line,” Bones said. He was twisting his ring around his finger, and Jim was torn between wanting to hold his hand and that undercurrent of wanting to slap him that he’d been sitting in for the past two hours. But they were going to be grown ups about it this time, so Jim nodded,

“So did I. I kinda freaked out. You're the first person in my life who’s ever stayed, and the idea of you leaving…whatever, it’s not important, but I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have, but I shouldn’t have either. I knew I was pushing a sore spot, I should’ve trod more carefully, and I certainly shouldn’t have pushed when I saw you panicking. I think you’re a galactic scale asshole for some of the things you said…”

“Agreed,” Jim interrupted.

“But you’re my best damn friend and I’m sorry I hurt you,” Bones finished.

“Also agreed.”

“And for the record, I didn’t say I was definitely leaving, I said I was seriously considering it. There’s a lot of factors that go into that choice, and it’s not one I’ve made yet.”

“I bet I’ve pushed you closer to your decision tonight, huh?” Jim said, aiming for teasing, but Bones shook his head,

“I knew you were an asshole when I threw up on your shoes, none of this is new information. Thing is, I wasn’t being honest earlier when I said that this has nothing to do with you. It does, but I’m not considering a transfer to get away from you. In fact, you’re the only reason I’m considering at all. Otherwise I’d’ve had those damn transfer forms in the second Jocelyn suggested amending the custody arrangement.”

All Jim could say to that is, “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. And I know you’ve got abandonment issues on your abandonment issues, but it’s not as though I said I didn’t want to still be friends if we weren’t serving on the same ship.”

“Wait, what was it you just said about custody arrangements?” Jim asked, his brain finally catching up with his ears. In his defense, there had been more important information in what Bones had just told him. Bones smiled, just a little upturn of the corners of his mouth, and looked, on the whole, very satisfied with himself.

“Jocelyn wants us to have joint custody.”

“Oh my God, really?” Jim asked excitedly. He kind of wanted to give his friend a hug, but he knew Bones would have his head if he got out of bed. “Wait, I don’t actually really know anything about child law. That’s a big deal, right?”

“Yeah. Well, ‘suppose it depends. Technically, Joce and I have been doing joint custody informally the past coupla years, so not a lot changes on the day to day. But Jocelyn wants us both to be in Jo’s life, and doesn’t want that to be dependent on if the two of us are getting along or not.”

“That’s…generous of her.”

“It’s the decent thing to do. I would do the same, if I were in her shoes. Jo needs us both in her life. I don’t blame Jocelyn for seeking sole custody initially, I was, well…”

“A hot ass mess?” Jim supplied. Bones shrugged,

“Essentially. But joint is what’s best for Jo. We’ll both need to be consulted for major decisions in Jo’s life. Joce will still have primary physical custody, and I ain’t gonna press on that, but we’ll set up a court approved visitation schedule. Of course, that’ll look different if I’m on the Enterprise versus on earth. I’ll get her when I’m on leave if I go back up there, have a more regular schedule if I stay. I ain’t gonna lie, I miss her every day.”

Jim was silent for a moment, taking it all in. Saying the first thing that came into his head was more his speed, but that was how the hover trainwreck of earlier that evening had happened, so he forced himself to be a bit more measured. He was unsure what to say, though, not even sure what to feel, so he ended up with,

“That’s a really big deal.”

“I don’t need you to be happy about it, I just need you to understand,” Bones said, and Jim nodded,

“I do. I understand. I’m not thrilled about it, I’ll never be thrilled about it, but it’s Jo. I get it, she’s your whole world and I could never resent you for that.”

There were several moments of silence, not fully comfortable but less tense than before, and then Bones said,

“I was wrong earlier.”

“We were both wrong about a lot of things earlier.”

“You’ve always been supportive of my relationship with Jo. I know you aren’t always the most comfortable with kids but, uh,” Bones cleared his throat awkwardly, “I really appreciate it.”

Jim just fiddled with his communicator, not quite sure what he was supposed to say to that, other than nod in affirmation. Bones continued,

“And I know you said you don’t think you want children, but I got some bad news for ya.”

“Oh my God, am I pregnant?” Jim teased, rubbing his belly and trying very hard to maintain a serious expression. Bones, however, was not as successful and had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

“Don’t be an idiot. I mean that Jo essentially sees you as another step dad.”

“She told you this?”

“Yeah, but she didn’t have to.”

“But we’re not…” Jim started, chewing on his bottom lip while contemplating how he felt about all of this. He was honored, of course, that Bones’ kid saw him as an important part of her life, but it was also a lot of pressure. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Bones said, “And you should know I never would’ve allowed you to play an important role in her life if I wasn’t planning on keeping ya around.”

Jim cleared his throat and took a couple deep breaths because he swore he was closer to crying than he’d been in a while, which was so fucking stupid, but to hear how much he meant to Bones and his family, especially after their argument that evening, was so meaningful to him. He never thought he’d have a family, but it was clear that somehow he’d stumbled his way into one. Probably two, if one counted the Enterprise crew, which he was starting to see that way as well.

In the end, all Jim was able to do was smile at his friend and nod, but Bones seemed to get how much it all meant to him, because he smiled back and let Jim have the time he needed to think on that before moving on to the next topic of conversation.

The pair was silent through most of Jim’s time with the regen. It wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable like it was earlier, but the conversation didn’t flow as naturally as it usually did. Jim had a lot on his mind, too much even to go to sleep under the quiet hum of the regenerator strapped to his ankle. He wasn’t still mad, necessarily. This wasn’t the worst fight he’d ever had with Bones. They both had tempers that had a tendency to burn hot, but at the same time neither one of them could hold a grudge with the other, so their fights tended to burn hot and fast and typically resolved themselves after a couple days at most. They generally only acknowledged it if one of them had gone particularly low, as they both had that night. So it wasn’t really the fight that was keeping Jim from drifting off on the cool biobed, it was everything else they’d discussed that night.

Jim had never considered himself one to plan for the future. During his first year of captaincy, he always figured he’d die before 40 in a blaze of glory which, to be fair, did sort of happen. But since dying, he’d been thinking a lot about what he really wanted out of life, and Bones was front and center in that. When he pictured the next year, next 5 years, 10 years, even 50 years - God willing - he pictured Bones by his side as his best friend, or even his partner when he was feeling particularly hopeful. The knowledge that there was a very good chance that Bones wasn’t coming back to the Enterprise with him had shaken the plans he hadn’t even known were that important to him. 

Of course, Bones had said there was no reason they couldn’t still be friends, and he was right, but it wouldn’t be the same, and he wasn’t sure if trying a romantic relationship was a good idea for either of them if it was going to just end in long distance. People did it, sure, especially ‘fleet couples, but Jim was left feeling like being together with Bones in that way would just make the distance more painful, and though he’d woken up so sure that he was going to tell Bones how he felt, he now wasn’t sure if that was the right move. Oddly enough, his surety that Bones felt the same way had only increased. Sure, Bones had been a bit awkward today, and sure he might not be following Jim into the black after all, but Jim couldn’t get the admission that he was the only reason why Bones hadn’t jumped at the chance to be around Jo more, the only reason why he was even still considering it. Jim idly wondered if he could convince Bones to stay. After all, Bones was right, he’d do pretty much anything for Jim. But he couldn’t bring himself to even ask, not when Joanna was at the heart of it. As a kid, Jim would’ve been thrilled if his mom had even considered staying earthside to spend more time with him, and, sure, it was different with Jo because she had a mom and step dad she loved as well as Bones, but he could hardly take her dad away from her. All the same, Jim still found himself holding onto hope that Bones would decide that staying on earth wasn’t the right decision for him right now.

Bones seemed to be deep in thought himself - likely trying to decide just what he wanted to do with his life - so much so that he didn’t even notice when the regen strapped to Jim’s ankle beeped several times to indicate the treatment was complete.

“Hey, you gonna take these things off or are we gonna sit here all night?”

Bones had been flipping his ring around between his fingers, an action mesmerizing enough that it had held Jim’s attention for far longer than he cared to admit, but at Jim’s words Bones dropped the ring and cursed as he leaned down to pick it up.

“I’m surprised you didn’t fall asleep,” Bones said as he began undoing the regen from Jim’s ankle, “I thought these things were practically white noise to you by now.”

“Had a lot on my mind,” Jim shrugged. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the biobed, aiming to stand up, but Bones caught him by a firm hand on his thigh, which was enough to make Jim’s mouth go dry. That was probably pathetic and he didn’t care. 

“You ain’t going anywhere ‘till I scan you,” Bones said.

“You worry too much,” Jim said, because it was expected, but he didn’t fight Bones too much as he ran the tricorder over his body and finally nodded,

“Well, you didn’t fuck yourself up too much this time. Be more careful next time, I didn’t exactly plan on spending tonight at a goddamn clinic.”

“I feel like that’s on you. You’re friends with me, this isn’t exactly unusual,” Jim teased then hopped down from the biobed and stretched his muscles. Bones may have regen’d the torn ligament in his ankle, and the electrolyte hypo definitely helped, but his muscles were still sore and tight. He entertained a brief fantasy of asking Bones for a leg massage and where that might go before dismissing that out of hand as a bad idea and following Bones back out to the car.

“So,” Jim said as he jumped into the passenger seat of their rental, “Is Sophie waiting up for you?”

Bones shot him a look, and Jim shrugged in response. He really had been trying for curious but not bitter, and for the most part he actually felt it, but he had no idea if that had come off as planned. Bones’ look, however, wasn’t due to what Jim had initially thought.

“She and I aren’t gonna see each other anymore.”

“Wait, but I thought you went over there to, I dunno, have hot angry sex or something,” Jim said. He had given a handful of thoughts on what angry sex with Bones would be like that evening himself, if he was being honest.

“Not that it’s any of your damn business, but I did go over there. We just both decided that it wasn’t working.”

“How come?”

Bones shrugged, “Not a big deal, but we were trying to do casual and turns out neither of us were built for that, but we can’t give each other what we need for something serious. She’s a good woman, and we might see each other again, but there are more important things for me to focus on here, and she understands that.”

“So we’re just going home, then?”

“Sure are, kid,” Bones said.

“I’m sorry about you and Sophie.”

“You’re a little bit glad.”

Jim said nothing so Bones shook his head, “No, I know you’re trying, and I appreciate that, but it ain’t a big deal. You only gotta share me with Jo the rest of the trip. And the rest of my family, I suppose.”

Jim couldn’t help but smile, “I think I can handle that.”

Chapter Text

Jim and Bones didn’t share a bed that night. Jim also barely slept a wink. Those two things were probably related. Joanna was having a “sleepover” with the rest of the kids in the living room downstairs, so Bones said he’d take her room. It made sense for them not to share, since there were multiple beds available, but Jim couldn’t help but worry it was one more way Bones was being a bit distant from him. Maybe they’d crossed a line, one that Bones wasn’t comfortable with. Maybe Bones was still upset from their fight earlier. Maybe at some point Jim would bring it up, but for now he’d rather be chased by a thousand ice monsters on Delta Vega than ask his best friend if he was uncomfortable with the fucking cuddling they’d done the morning prior. So he hoped it would go away on it’s own, as it generally did with him and Bones, and spent most of the night definitely not thinking about that and the stupid fight he thought he was over and what it would be like to go into the black without Bones and how much he wanted to fucking kiss him already.

Jim would guess he fell asleep sometime around sunrise, and when he woke up he could’ve sworn he was dreaming because Bones was in bed with him. Granted, in most of his dreams about being in bed with Bones, they both tended to be wearing a lot less clothing than they were now, but he supposed they had to start somewhere. He probably should’ve been coming up with a good pickup line, but Bones was sitting on top of his bed in fitted jeans, slippers, and that god awful hideous sweater he’d worn the very first day they’d met. His hair was also wet and sticking up in a million different angles that made him look slightly younger and infinitely more relaxed than his normal style, and Jim wanted to run his hands through the dark locks, but he was more focused on the sweater at the moment.

Jim rolled over, flung an arm over Bones’ lap, and mumbled,

“That sweater is stupid.”

Bones snorted,

“The hell did you just say to me?”

“I said that sweater is really fucking stupid,” Jim repeated, then pushed himself up just enough to slump into Bones’ side, just for a moment until he thought better of it. “And scratchy.”

“It’s a classic, ain’t my fault you can’t appreciate it.”

“It belongs in the trash incinerator,” Jim yawned, “Whoever designed that stupid thing was using drugs.” 

“I thought I’d lost this thing, found it in a box in the attic this morning.”

“Should’ve left it there,” Jim said, then, because he was now fairly certain this wasn’t a dream - in his dreams, Bones never would’ve been wearing that stupid sweater, much less insisting that it stay on his body - he asked,

“Why are you even here?”

“I’m hiding,” Bones said.

“Hiding? From what?”

“From my goddamn family. I swear to God, Jim, I have half a mind to just go back to San Francisco after Joce picks up Jo.”

“I’m still open to Florida,” Jim teased. Bones didn’t look terribly serious, so he doubted this was anything about what had happened with his father. More likely, they were just getting on Bones’ nerves, though why his friend chose to get in bed with him was beyond him. 

“Somehow my entire family is aware that we had an argument last night, and have taken it upon themselves to give me advice on how to fix it and warn me not to ‘hurt you’ as if I’m not the one that’s related to them,” Bones grumbled and crossed his arms over his chest. He was pouting a little like a toddler, not that Jim was stupid enough to say that out loud, but he did laugh a little. His friend could be so dramatic sometimes.

“Well, it’s not like I told everyone. They were probably watching us yell at each other through the back windows,” Jim speculated.

“I know you didn’t tell anyone, I’m well aware you’d rather get all your teeth pulled than discuss your personal life with my family.”

“Are you sure that’s not you you’re thinking of?” Jim teased. Bones rolled his eyes. “So, what, you’re just going to stay in here until you think your family has gotten bored of speculating on your personal life?”

Bones laughed, “God, no. I’d be in here forever. I just needed a goddamn break. I couldn’t convince them that we were actually on speaking terms.”

“Oh so you wanted me to wake up and convince them otherwise?” Jim guessed. Bones didn’t say anything, which was how Jim knew he was right. “Nevermind, I’m going back to bed.”

“I think the fuck not,” Bones said and pulled Jim up by his shoulders. Jim allowed it, if only for the contact, because he was that desperate apparently. “You’ve slept long enough.”

Jim glanced at the chrono on the wall, guesstimated what time sunset was around here this time of year, then complained, “I got, like, 2 hours of sleep! That’s not even sleeping, that’s just a decent nap!”

“And you don’t take naps,” Bones pointed out, “So you might as well get up. It ain’t like I slept all that great either, thank you very much, and I’ve already been riding with Jo today. She leaves in a few hours and she won’t stop talking about wanting to play blackjack with you, not that I would know why my 9 year old daughter knows how to play blackjack.”

“Oh, ya know, it’s all just probability and logic and a good memory,” Jim shrugged.

“You mean you taught my child to count cards.”

“Ya know, Bones, you should really be proud of her. I never thought a kid her age could pick up on it so well. She’s a smart kid.”

“Don’t try to butter me up,” Bones rolled his eyes, “Just don’t bet anything of value and I can’t say I mind. It’s just cards.”

“Damn, ruined all my plans, I was hoping to hustle a 9 year old,” Jim teased. Bones smiled what Jim privately referred to as his Dad Bones smile and said,

“She is real brilliant, ain’t she.”

Jim ruffled Bones’ hair - always a risky endeavor, but usually worth the slap on the wrist he got - and agreed,

“Yeah, you raised a good one, Bones.”

Jim had almost cried when Jocelyn had picked Joanna up that afternoon. He loved the kid as a niece he’d never truly have, but it was less about missing her and more about the big hug she’d given him right before she hugged her dad goodbye. She’d ran into his arms and embraced him with just as much fervor as she had done her own great grandparents. Being clearly accepted as family by Bones’ daughter was emotional on its own, but then he’d had to watch Bones and Jo hold each other like they weren’t going to see each other again for months. This couldn’t be further from the truth, as Bones had plans to see Jo again at least once after Christmas, but they were clearly both used to long separations and they held each other tightly, Jo’s face tucked into Bones’ chest. It was an emotional display, a softer side of Bones he often didn’t expose in public, and it made Jim emotional in turn. He ended up having to bite his bottom lip to keep the tears from leaking out of his eyes, which was just embarrassing because he was not a crier, but the past couple days had been a rollercoaster, and everything always felt bigger when Bones was involved, to the point where even the joy and pride of seeing his best friend be the kind of dad he wanted to be was moving. This being in love business was really embarrassing.

Things seemed much more subdued around the house with Jo gone. It wasn’t quiet, of course, far from it in fact. The McCoys were preparing a massive Christmas Eve dinner, the kids were buzzing with excitement for Christmas - even Sam and Georgie who kept trying to pretend like they were too old and cool to care - and there was so much going on that it was barely even commented on when the Christmas lights turned on for the first time. Bones’ grandpa had clapped Jim on the shoulder and said, “They look real great, Kirk,” but that was the extent of it. So it wasn’t subdued, but Jim supposed that it was Bones who was more subdued. He always got like this when Jo left, a bit melancholy and in his own feelings. And add to that everything that Bones already had to think about, it was no surprise that he’d been mostly silent throughout dinner. In fact, Jim wasn’t even shocked when Bones disappeared when they were making eggnog, though also wasn’t surprised to find him sitting on the porch swing wrapped in a blanket when he went searching for him with a cup of bourbon spiked eggnog.

“Missing Jo?” Jim asked, announcing his presence by joining his friend on the porch swing.

Bones nodded, “Just thinkin’, I suppose.”

“Your aunt Katherine made eggnog,” Jim said, then held out a cup for Bones and took a drag of his own, which he nearly spit out. “Take that back, your aunt Katherine made vaguely eggnog flavored bourbon.”

Bones snorted and took a much easier drink of his own, “Yeah, she’s got a heavy pour, even for a McCoy.”

“Ya know, you give me all this shit about catching my death in the cold like it’s the damn 1800s, yet you’re brooding on the porch in December,” Jim pointed out.

“Some of us had the good sense to grab a blanket. Speaking of, I think you’ve pushed your temperamental immune system enough the past couple days, don’t you?” Bones asked, and unfurled the blanket from around his shoulders as a way to beckon Jim closer. Never one to turn down being close to his friend, even right now when everything was all a bit confusing, Jim slid down the swing to sit near his friend and pull his end of the blanket around them. Bones’ thigh was strong and warm against his, and Bones knocked his shoulder companionably as they both drank in relative silence. Well, Bones drank and Jim swirled his eggnog around in the absurd Santa mug he’d been given. He wasn’t feeling much in the mood for hard liquor. Too much on his mind.

Bones rocked the swing back and forth slowly as he finished his drink, then surprised Jim by resting his now free hand on Jim’s thigh. His mouth ran dry for a moment, and his heart skipped a beat, but he followed Bones’ lead and covered Bones’ hand with his own. Bones turned his hand over, threaded their fingers together, gave Jim’s hand a squeeze, then said, his voice a touch gruff,

“Thanks for the lights.”

Jim’s brain was briefly short circuiting from the fact that he and Bones were holding hands when they weren’t in bed and neither of them were drunk, so it took him a moment to even process what Bones said, and even then it still didn’t make sense, so he very intelligently said,

“Huh?”

“The Christmas lights, Jim,” Bones rolled his eyes, “On the house.”

“What makes you think I did them?” 

“Heard my papa mention it earlier. Makes sense.”

“And what makes you think I did it for you?” Jim asked, aiming for teasing but not quite sure he was hitting the mark. The fact was that even with Bones, even after everything they’d told each other and everything Jim had nearly confessed to, he still detested emotional conversations and somehow this was one.

Bones kicked off the ground harder and knocked his shoulder against Jim’s, 

“I don’t give a shit why you did them, but I like them and I’m glad ya did them. Take the thank you.”

“It wasn’t just me. Everyone pitched in, especially Georgie, Sam, and Jo.”

“But it was your brain child.”

“Essentially. I just…I dunno, it’s not a big deal. I know the day before kinda sucked ass for you and I know you’re a total softie for Christmas lights so,” Jim shrugged, “Not like I was doing anything else.”

“How you manage to both be the most braggadocious motherfucker in the galaxy but have this strange commitment to staying humble when it comes to things you actually did is beyond me. I like the stupid lights, Jim.”

“Thanks. ‘Cause this was the 3rd house I’ve done this year and I never want to touch a strand of Christmas lights ever again. I swear to God these things haven’t improved since the invention of the damn lightbulb.”

“Yeah, don’t look now, but there’s a strand burned out on that tree over there,” Bones pointed out, a smirk playing at his lips. Jim looked and sure enough Bones was right. He cursed and kicked lazily at his friend’s ankle. Bones laughed, then they lapsed into comfortable silence for a few moments before Bones cleared his throat,

“This was what you were going to show me last night, wasn’t it?”

“Uh…” Jim said, cursing his brain’s inability to work even half as quickly in emotional conversations as it usually did. 

“Last night you said you wanted to talk,” Bones reminded him, as if he could’ve ever forgotten. “You wanted to show me the lights, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Jim said, because it was true, and he still wasn’t sure what he was going to do with the majority of what he’d meant to tell Bones last night. Not with Bones maybe leaving.

“Well, sorry for fucking it up.”

“I feel like it would've been weirder if we’d had that argument after I showed you the lights, actually.”

“You’re probably right,” Bones admitted, which Jim took as a victory since it was rare either of them said those words to anyone. Bones sighed deeply, as though he were exhaling every breath he’d ever taken, “Sorry this week has been so goddamn weird. I left San Francisco so sure of what I wanted, and now I don’t know shit.”

“I’ll listen if you ever wanna talk it through. I promise to not start any fights or make annoying comments.”

Bones huffed out a laugh, “Last one’s only possible if you’re sleeping, kid.”

“Or dead,” Jim pointed out and Bones rolled his eyes but went right back to serious,

“I shouldn’t’ve told ya last night that I might be leaving. I’m not gonna burden you with any more shit I’m thinking through until I know exactly what choice I’m making. I’ll tell ya in time.”

Jim sat with that for a few moments, trying to work through just what Bones was talking about if he wasn’t talking about his decision to maybe leave the Enterprise. There was a little spark of something in Jim that told him that Bones was talking about the future of their relationship, that even though he might take a transfer, Jim was right in his decision that Bones felt the same way that he did. More than anything, Jim wanted to press, to call Bones out, to tell him his theory and ask if it was true. But Jim held his tongue, if for no other reason than because Bones wouldn’t admit it easily until he was ready, and Jim would really like a day where nobody was fighting. So he squeezed Bones’ hand and reclined his head onto his shoulder,

“I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

“And I won’t keep you waiting forever,” Bones promised and Jim smiled, more secure than ever, despite everything, that Bones loved him back. They’d get there eventually.

Jim was thinking about Bones. This, in and of itself, was neither newsworthy nor a problem. The problem came in the fact that it was 2 in the goddamn morning and he was trying to sleep. He’d barely slept the previous night, what with all the arguing and the gut sinking revelation that Bones might not be following him around the galaxy anymore and the big fat question mark that was once again his relationship with Bones. So Jim was exhausted, dead on his feet, but he couldn’t get his mind off Bones and the idea of home and long distance friendships and what it meant to be in love and what Bones’ ass might feel like and what Bones might say if Jim told him and what Bones had been talking about that night on the porch and if it was what Jim thought it probably was…it was a lot and Jim couldn’t fucking sleep. He wasn’t actually sure if he’d be able to sleep if Bones was holding him, as it wasn’t the nightmares or the flashbacks or the fear keeping him up this time, but eventually he got frustrated enough that he thought it might be worth a try. Being with Bones always quieted his mind, even if it should’ve done the opposite, so after hours of trying to sleep Jim abandoned any dignity he had and padded quietly down the hallway to Bones’ room.

“Was’sit?” Bones slurred out, still mostly asleep as Jim opened the door to his room. Not wanting to wake his friend further, Jim said nothing and crossed the room to sit on Bones’ bed. 

“Jim?” Bones asked. He sounded more awake now, just a little, though his voice was still thick with sleep, his vowels dripping like honey as he dragged Jim’s name off his tongue. 

“Couldn’t sleep, go back to bed,” Jim whispered. Bones, being Bones, did not listen, and instead pushed himself up to lean on his elbows, and the Bones-shaped figure in the dark looked up at him. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Nah, wasn’t a nightmare or anything, just can’t turn my brain off.”

“Knew there had to be some downside to that brain of yours,” Bones teased then yawned, “Wanna sedative?”

“No, it’s just easier to turn my brain off when I’m with you,” Jim admitted, using the cover of darkness and the middle of the night to peel back a couple layers of vulnerability that he’d usually keep close to chest.

“I don’t know if it’s a compliant, that being around me makes you stupid,” Bones said, but he patted the bed and said, “C’mon, lay down.”

“It’s a compliment,” Jim assured him, then laid down next to his friend. They quickly assumed the position that had become something of a routine to them, with Bones curled around Jim from behind, one hand shoved up his shirt, resting over his heart.

Usually, after Jim took a moment to get acclimated to all the new points of contact between him and his best friend, he was able to focus instead on how there was nowhere he’d felt safer than in Bones arms which, ever since he’d realized the reason for this, only helped relax him. This time, however, Jim didn’t seem to be able to get his head away from just how much they were touching and what it all meant that they both slept better together. His head cycled between Bones’ steady surgeon’s hands pressed against his skin, and if there was any conceivable way that Bones didn’t love him back, and the long planes of Bones’ chest pressed against him, and how they were ever going to go back to “normal” after this, and what it would be like to just turn around and kiss Bones, and…

“Kid, you’re thinking so loud that it’s keepin’ me up,” Bones complained. 

“Sorry,” Jim said. As much as he didn’t want to leave the warm embrace of Bones’ arms, he couldn’t ruin the sleep his friend desperately needed so he made to get out of bed and go back to his room. Bones, however, had other ideas, and held him firmly by the shoulder,

“I ain’t done with you. What’s on your mind?”

Jim opened his mouth to say something along the lines of “nothing important”, but his goddamn stupid middle of the night brain instead supplied his mouth with, “You.”

There was a heavy silence that seemed to stretch on for ages. Jim’s brain was full of ways to try to spin that to make it seem less…like it was, but for some reason he couldn’t make his mouth say any of them. He really used to be better on no sleep than this.

Bones seemed to recover his ability to speak coherently faster than Jim, and said,

“Anything I wanna know about?”

“Maybe, but I think I’m just this side of smart enough not to tell you.”

“I think I can persuade you otherwise,” Bones said, “C’mon, Jim, lay back down.”

“How’re you going to persuade me? Got a hypo full of truth serum somewhere in that medkit of yours?” Jim asked as he laid back down next to his friend, this time face to face, their breath intermingling. This really wasn’t good for how hard Jim’s heart was pounding in his chest.

Bones scoffed, an exhale Jim felt against his skin, “No such thing, I’ve told ya. What do you say to a trade? Secret for a secret.”

They’d done an exchange like that before. Bones only knew about Tarsus in the first place because Jim had promised him something equivalent to know the story of what happened with his dad. This, however, in the heavy darkness, laid bare by the late hours, seemed like a spectacularly bad idea for reasons Jim currently couldn’t put his finger on, but that he knew were important.

“It’s just me, Jim,” Bones assured him, and he placed one of his steady, warm surgeon’s hands right on Jim’s cheek, his thumb rubbing at the notch in Jim’s jaw. “Ain’t nothing you could tell me that could put me off bein’ your best friend.”

“I can’t think straight when you’re fucking touching me like that, you know that, Bones?” Jim asked, his words spilling out of his mouth, his head powerless to contain them. “Do you have any idea what your hands do to me? Are you trying to torture me or are you just being willfully oblivious? Fucking damn why can I not stop talking? Please forget I said any of that. Um.”

“Ya know, I don’t think I will, actually,” Bones said, and it was far too dark to make out any of his facial features but Jim could just see the smirk. He probably would’ve said something about it if Bones hadn’t picked his hand up from Jim’s face and begun tracing his features with one stubbornly steady index finger. Bones traced along Jim’s jawline and hummed, “You’ve got it wrong, though.”

“Yeah?” Jim managed to breath out as Bones’ finger traced along his hairline.

“Yeah,” Bones said, and dropped his finger to run along Jim’s thick brows. “I’m not trying to torture you.” Bones’ finger softly ghosted over his eyelids. “And I ain’t willfully oblivious. I know what’s happening here, same as you.” Bones’ finger was running down his nose now. “I’m just…testing the waters.”

At his final words, Bones brushed his fingers over Jim’s lips and Jim stopped breathing. Bones gently pulled Jim’s bottom lip out from between his teeth and Jim didn’t take a single goddamn breathe as Bones traced along the lines of his lips. He was fairly certain his heart stopped, actually.

“I wish I could see you,” Bones muttered, and brushed his finger over Jim’s bottom lip one more time before withdrawing his hand, leaving Jim’s whole face tingling like a more pleasant version of the time he hadn’t realized he was allergic to something in his face cream. “But I doubt either of us would be so honest in the light.”

“Speaking of honest, I believe you were going to tell me something,” Jim managed to say. He was somewhat shocked he had the air for it, though not surprised when his voice wavered a bit at the end.

“Truth is, Jim,” Bones said, “I’ve pictured a night like this before. Never quite ends like this will, though.”

“And who’s to say how tonight ends?” Jim asked. 

“I’m sure there’s a reason I’ve convinced myself this is a bad idea.”

“It was probably a stupid reason, anyways.”

“Probably,” Bones agreed, his voice no more than a breath and then he was kissing Jim. Jim had seen it coming a kilometer away, but it still shocked his brain just enough that it took him a few seconds to open up beneath Bones’ mouth. They both probably had morning breath, or middle of the night breath, but Bones mostly tasted like toothpaste and something strangely comforting. Like home. 

Jim had previous thoughts about taking his time with Bones, probably, but Bones was kissing into his mouth like it was the only goddamn thing in the world that mattered, so fuck taking his time and fuck being careful with his heart and fuck defining whatever it was that was happening right now, it was Bones and he was going to take and take and take as much as he was allowed, as much as he was given.

Bones kissing him somehow managed to surpass all of Jim’s wildest fantasies about doing this, and making out was even better. Bones painted his chest and neck with hickies after they both discarded their shirts only a few minutes in. There was no rush, but it felt like they were in one all the same, fighting to do as much as they could before the other decided this was a terrible idea, but like hell was Jim going to call it, not when he was sucking on Bones’ fingers, not when Bones was grabbing at his ass, and certainly not when they were stripping their pants off and grinding against each other like desperate teenagers. But there was part of him that thought that Bones would wise up to whatever it was they were doing - late night first kisses turned something heavier - and he could tell from the way Bones kissed him that he felt the same. So they chased release, satisfaction, resolution to everything that had been crackling in the air between them all week, all year, maybe even longer, and when it was done they both laid side by side on their backs, boneless and fighting to catch their breaths.

“That how you fantasized about a night like tonight ending?” Jim finally asked after he was able to fucking speak again.

“Just about,” Bones said. He sounded as wrecked as Jim felt, and it made something in Jim shiver. “I’ll admit I’ve thought of…other things. Things we can do when it’s not 3 in the goddamn morning and we ain’t in a house filled to the brim with my family.”

“Color me up to anything,” Jim agreed, because it was true, he’d let Bones try anything he wanted with him. Fuck whatever he’d been into before, it was a whole new world, with Bones. That is, unless… “You’re not gonna regret this in the morning, are you?”

“I ain’t stupid enough to regret a good thing once I’ve had it,” Bones said, and all Jim could do was agree.

Chapter Text

Jim woke up alone. His first thought was that this was the first time he’d woken up alone in several days and he didn’t care for it. His second thought was realizing that he was naked. It was only then that he put two and two together and his little tryst with Bones in the middle of the night came flooding back to him. He cursed to himself and flopped over to shove his face into Bones’ now cold pillow with a groan. This was everything he’d been hoping to avoid. The main reason why he hadn’t wanted to wait until they got home to tell Bones how he felt was to avoid just this situation, where their inhibitions were low and they fell into bed together without being on the same page about what this was or what they wanted. But it sure looked like that’s what had happened.

Jim tried not to jump to conclusions, not with Bones’ promise echoing in his head. Bones had promise that he wasn’t stupid enough to regret a good thing once he had it. But the fact remained that Jim had done a hell of a lot of leaving after hookups in his day, and he knew the signs of a partner trying to indicate that what had happened was just a one time thing. Hell, Jim himself had practically perfected those signs. Leaving long before your partner woke up, not leaving any kind of note, it was glaringly obvious that Bones thought what they’d done was a mistake. It was different, though, than Jim thought it would be. He’d assumed that a late night hookup with Bones followed by a clear rejection would leave him heartbroken and regretting his own part in what happened, but as it was all he felt was pissed. It wasn’t as though there had been declarations of love or anything, but there had been a promise, however loose it had been, that it hadn’t been just a one night thing, and it wasn’t fair for Bones to say that if he didn’t mean it. For everything Jim had done in his long and storied sex life, some of which he decidedly wasn’t proud of, he’d never made promises he didn’t fully intend to keep. If he said one night, he meant one night, and if he promised more he meant it. And, sure, Jim never should’ve gone into last night without a discussion of what it meant, but Bones had broken what Jim viewed as the number one rule of one night stand etiquette, and that just pissed him off. Sure, maybe he was focusing on the bad manners of it all to protect his heart from feelings of rejection, whatever, but being mad at this gave him something to focus on that didn’t feel like his heart was being sucked into a black hole, so he was going to let himself have it.

Upon using the bathroom, Jim stared at himself in the mirror, tilted his neck up, and ran his fingers along the places Bones had sucked hickies into last night, now unmarred skin with only a slight softness to it. Goddamn bastard had used a dermal regen on him while he’d been asleep. Jim kicked the counter, and then he kicked it again because it didn’t hurt enough the first time, but he restrained himself from a third kick because he didn’t actually want to break his toes this time. Goddammit, Bones, this was not how this morning was supposed to go, this wasn’t how any of it was supposed to go. But no, he wasn’t going to think about that, he wasn’t going to be heartbroken, he was going to be pissed because, God, that was so much easier. He was going to be mad, but also he was going to handle this like the goddamn adult that he was. He was going to splash some cold water on his face, give himself a moment to catch his breath, and then he was going to confront Bones. He would try his best not to yell, and he’d make a goddamn earnest attempt at talking about his feelings. They’d danced around each other long enough, and if Jim was going to get hurt over this thing they had, he was only going to do it one more time. 

The only reason why Jim hadn’t gone downstairs demanding to talk to Bones was that he was determined not to make a scene in front of Bones’ whole family. They deserved better than that, even if Bones was being a jackass. As it turns out, deciding not to make a scene was an even better choice than he thought because he walked straight into McCoy family Christmas morning breakfast. The living room was strewn with wrapping paper, but there were still gifts under the tree. Jim recalled Bones saying something about how the kids opened most of their gifts first thing in the morning, and the adults would wait until after Christmas dinner. Jim had been looking forward to watching the kids open their presents, and he added that to his mental list of things he kind of wanted to punch Bones in the jaw over. As it was, he was left staring awkwardly at the giant table full of McCoys eating breakfast, minus one conspicuously absent best friend. 

“Len went down to the stables. That boy woke up in a terrible mood, I think he was going to ride it off,” Bones’ grandmother told him.

“He just left, you can probably still catch him,” Bones’ grandpa said with a knowing look in Jim’s direction.

At those words, Jim was already on his way out the door. Bones’ grandma was trying to insist he stay for breakfast, to at least have a cinnamon roll, but he didn’t have much of an appetite anyways, and knew he wouldn’t relax until he got on the same goddamn page with Bones. So Jim jammed his feet into his boots, which sat next to the door, and walked quickly down to the stables. He would’ve run, even, if he hadn’t been certain that everyone inside was watching him. They were in his business enough as is.

“Bones!” Jim called as he sped walked into the stable. He spotted his friend on one of the horses, sitting tall with his back to Jim and heading for the opposite door. Away from any prying eyes, Jim broke into a run, determined not to let Bones deny him the conversation they clearly needed to have.

“We gotta talk, you bastard,” Jim said. Bones turned around and said,

“You run up behind Thunder and you’re gonna end up with broken ribs and a punctured lung.”

“Oh, I don’t mind, you can just regen those in my sleep,” Jim snapped, but now that he had his friend’s attention he pulled up short, out of kicking range of the horse Bones was sitting on. Bones winced a little at Jim’s words, which was partly satisfying and partly frustrating, because Jim had promised himself he wasn’t coming down here just to start a fight, no matter how hurt or annoyed he was feeling.

Bones seemed to be aware that he wasn’t going to be taking his ride after all, because he hopped down from the horse in a graceful move that mesmerized Jim, no matter how he was feeling. Bones tired the reins to a stall door then stood in front of Jim, crossed his arms to mirror Jim’s posture, then said,

“Get on with it, why don’t ya.”

“You’re an asshole,” Jim said, “You regened my fucking hickies. What were you trying to do, gaslight me into thinking last night didn’t happen?”

Bones scoffed, “Don’t be so dramatic. I just knew you’d come waltzing downstairs in front of my family all covered in love bites, and I try to have some degree of goddamn propriety. I ain’t tryin’ to gaslight you! Christ.”

Well, that was that sorted, he supposed, although he’d been pissed before he saw that, and he was still pissed now.

“You shouldn’t have left if you meant what you said last night, and you shouldn’t have said it if you didn’t. It’s bad manners,” Jim said, because in all the mess of things floating around in his head right then, his mouth somehow deemed that the most important. It was nice and detached. Easier.

Bones looked like he was going to say something about  “manners”. As it was, the look he shot Jim was enough to get across his feelings on that turn of phrase. Bones sighed, though, and looked slightly to the left of Jim’s face,

“Look, Jim, last night…”

“If you’re about to say ‘last night was a mistake’, I’ll throw up from the stereotypicalness of it all,” Jim interrupted. Bones rolled his eyes, 

“Let me finish, asshole. I was going to say I never should’ve allowed last night to happen. Not like that.”

The little scrap of hope that this was all a misunderstanding that Jim had carried deep within his heart since he woke up wilted and died. 

“You implied a next time. You promised you wouldn’t regret it,” Jim snapped, hoping he was landing more at pissed off than heart broken. “But let me save you the trouble and finish for you: you don’t feel that way about me, it can’t happen again, we’re just friends, blah blah blah whatever. Good chat.”

Jim had every intention of walking away, despite the fact that he had promised himself that he was going to let this be a productive discussion and actually discuss his feelings for once, but Bones wrapped a gloved hand around Jim’s wrist,

“Don’t you walk away from me, Jim, it ain’t that simple.”

“How is it not that simple?” Jim asked, “It sounds exactly that simple to me.”

“Well if you’d listen without interrupting for 2 goddamn seconds I’d explain it to you,” Bones said, and Jim decided why the fuck not, so he allowed himself to be turned around and face Bones again. Bones went on. “I never should’ve let last night happen, but I don’t regret it. It was good, for me, and not just good for groping around in the dark like teenagers, as pathetic as that may be. But we are not being friends with benefits. It’ll break my goddamn heart, embarrassing as that is to admit. Get your rocks off somewhere else.”

Laughter bubbled out from Jim’s mouth, which he regretted not containing at the absolutely wrecked look on Bones’ face. Bones must’ve thought he was laughing at him , which couldn’t be further from the truth. But Bones had practically just admitted he was in love with him, and the sheer relief as well as the absurdity of the situation was enough to make Jim giggle.

“No,” Jim shook his head, “No, Bones, you don’t get it. I don’t want us to be friends with benefits, or fuck buddies, or just a roll in the sack or whatever. Bones, no, Bones look at me. Bones, I’m in love with you.”

Jim could see the very instant that all higher functions of Bones’ brain ceased to function at all.

Bones mouthed the word “love” to himself several times, as if trying it on for size then finally managed a rather choked,

“What?”

“I didn’t think you’d be quite this surprised,” Jim laughed a little, “I didn’t think was doing very well at hiding it.”

Bones mouthed “love” to himself once more, then shook his head and took off his riding helmet to pull his fingers through his hair.

“Jim, I ain’t that surprised that you love me, I’m surprised that you know that. I’ve suspected the past coupla days, but I was under the impression that you didn’t ‘do feelings’.”

“New leaf, Bones,” Jim reminded him, “I can assure you I was in denial for a long time but, I dunno, I got there eventually. So I promise I’m not trying to fuck around with you. Last night meant a lot to me, and I want this to be something, more than it already is, if that’s possible, and…ugh can you just say something? Put me out of my misery.”

“Well, you had me beat. Took me ‘till a couple days ago to realize I was in love with you,” Bones said and some knot in Jim’s chest he hadn’t been aware of melted like an ice cube on a summer day. Jim laughed a little, grabbed Bones’ hand, and said,

“Good. Great. Awesome, even. Looks like there’s no problem here.”

Jim leaned in for a kiss because, come on, that was what one did in this situation. And he wanted to kiss Bones so badly . He’d had the most wonderful taste the night before, but he still craved a sweet, slow kiss that was the prelude to both nothing and the rest of their lives. God, when had he gone and become such a romantic?

But to Jim’s surprise, Bones put a hand on his chest, stopping him from leaning in, and shook his head,

“No, Jim, this doesn’t change anything.”

There was a pinched, somewhat heartbroken look in Bones’ eyes that seemed at odds with everything Jim had just heard.

“Are you kidding me, Bones, this changes everything!”

“No, it doesn’t,” Bones said. He took his hand off Jim’s chest and shoved it in the pocket of his jeans. “I told you before, my thinking about a transfer wasn’t all about you and my…feelings. It’s Jo, and this doesn’t change that.”

If Jim was being honest, he had been assuming, even if subconsciously, that if Bones loved him back, Bones would follow him back into the black. But he could work with this. He would work with this, for Bones.

“We can do long distance,” Jim offered.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t think you’d be…satisfied with long distance.”

Jim pulled a face, “Are you implying that you don’t want to start a relationship, even though we’re both in love with each other, because you think I’d cheat on you? Was all that shit the other day about not believing my bullshit just a line, then?”

Bones scoffed, “Don’t finish my thoughts for me then get offended ‘cause you don’t like what you put in the blanks. I don’t think you’d step out on me. You’re as loyal as they come, and far too decent for your own good. Your little lecture about hookup etiquette just now only proves that.”

“But …”

“But Jim, you've never been in a romantic relationship before.”

“So? I didn’t want it before, but now I do. With you. It’s not like I’m incapable of changing my mind or something.”

“Of course not, but jumping right into long distance…” Bones shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair again, “Frankly, I think you’re going to be bored.”

“So what? I’ve got a long and storied history with my right hand. I’m not about to chase the first pretty alien princess who comes aboard the Enterprise. Not that it should even matter, because you should trust me, but it’s, uh, been a while…” Jim trailed off. He used to always be so open with Bones about his sex life, but at some point talking about prior relationships had started feeling awkward. 

“I don’t just mean sexually, though that as well. I’m not concerned about you looking elsewhere, and I do trust you, I wouldn’t love you if I didn’t. What I’m worried about is trapping you in a relationship that doesn’t physically, emotionally, mentally, or intellectually satisfy you. I don’t want you to be miserable.”

“That sounds like an excuse,” Jim said. Bones rolled his eye so Jim continued, “Bones, if you hadn’t just tell me you loved me back I’d back the hell off but we both want this and it feels so stupid not to have it just because you don’t think I’m serious about this. No, don’t deny it, we both know that’s what it is, and fine, I haven’t exactly given you a lot of reasons to think I’d ever want to settle down, but I’m giving you one right now and I feel like that should be the most important thing!”

Bones shook his head, “Look, you’re young…”

“Don’t do that,” Jim cut him off, “I’m not a child, I’m old enough to know what I want. Don’t be patronizing, it pisses me off.”

“I’m not being patronizing, I just…” Bones trailed off, shook his head, and sighed, “Can you promise me that a long distance relationship is really something you’re ready to commit to?”

Jim hesitated. He hesitated and if this didn’t all work out he’d lay awake at night in 50 years regretting that stupid little pause while his brain tried to work out exactly what that would entail and how much bullshit was involved in the idea that he’d just get bored. And he couldn’t quite seem to get past the big, glaring “of course I’ll be bored without Bones,” wall in his mind that applied regardless of the nature of their relationship, and the last thing he wanted to do was lie to Bones, so he hesitated and, though he was kicking himself, said,

“I need to think about it.”

“That’s fine,” Bones said, “I…I trust your answer, Jim. I’ve got some things to think on myself.”

“Okay. Yeah. I mean, sure.”

“Please do me a favor and don’t injure yourself again. It’s not a no , and I ain’t mad at you, but just this morning I was convinced you’d never want this. You’re right, this does change things, I’m just…not sure how yet.”

“No running, I promise.”

“And no bar fights.”

“New leaf, Bones.”

“Right. Of course. Jo’s coming by for a bit after dinner, she’d love to see you.”

Jim nodded, “I’ll be there.”

“Thanks,” Bones nodded in return, and it was stiff and awkward and Jim had no idea what to do to break the tension. Bones decided the way out of this was to pull his helmet back on and get on the waiting horse and ride off, which was probably for the best, really. Jim needed a game plan, which meant he needed to think, and he usually did that best while not staring at the subject of the problem he was thinking about. He’d figure something out, he was sure of it.

Jim ended up taking a massively overpriced rideshare to a massively overpriced rental shop and getting a massively overpriced motorcycle for the day. Damn Christmas pricing. He’d been serious when he’d promised Bones he wasn’t going to get injured or do anything reckless, even though Bones would probably argue that even looking at a motorcycle for too long was reckless. But it wasn’t, he wasn’t being careless with his life or his safety, truly and honestly he wasn’t. 

It surprised even Jim how calm he was over the whole situation. Sure, it wasn’t ideal, and he wasn’t exactly happy that Bones was being so goddamn stubborn about this, but he wasn’t necessarily mad. Bones loved him. Bones was in love with him. The rest of it they’d figure out, he was sure of it. So he didn’t rent the bike for the adrenaline rush, he rented it because riding always helped him think. He’d ridden around rural Iowa the entire night after Pike issued his challenge in that bar, just thinking. And he was far safer now than he was then. Wore a helmet and everything. Granted, this was possibly due to Bones sitting him down with a goddamn presentation complete with slides on motorcycle head injuries back at the Academy, which featured some truly horrifying photos and personal stories. But still, he was wearing a helmet and he wasn’t driving recklessly, he just needed to think. And think he did.

He thought a lot about long distance, and the reality that even though Bones loved him he still might not come back to the Enterprise, and if he’d be any more miserable without Bones if they were doing a long distance relationship instead of a long distance friendship. Because his thought back in the stables was something he stood by - he would be bored without Bones near him every day, but he wanted to give Bones a solid, truthful answer on if he thought it would be worse if they were in a romantic relationship. The thing was, he didn’t see how it would be all that different. He was already in love with Bones, that wasn’t changing, and in addition to missing his friendship he’d be daydreaming about kissing him and holding him regardless of if those things were a reality or not. In fact, it might actually be easier to know that when he did see Bones again, he could hold his hand leaving the shuttle port and fall into bed with him for a whole weekend. 

So, with all that sorted, all he had to do was figure out how to convince Bones that he was serious about this. And, of course, that he wouldn’t hurt him. He was on his bike somewhere near Atlanta when he was hit with the should’ve been obvious realization that this was all less about Bones doubting Jim’s feelings and intentions, and more about Bones protecting his heart. The last serious relationship he’d been in, the last time Bones had really given his heart to someone - not counting a handful of brief relationships over the years - was with Jocelyn, and that had gone up in flames. Sure, they were civil now, even friends of a sort, but they’d both hurt each other a lot when the divorce was fresh. It made sense for Bones to want to protect himself from going through that again. But Jim knew they could do this. He knew they could. When it came to Bones, Jim was willing to do anything to make it work, and he knew Bones felt the same. Sure, people said it all the time, but he knew what he had with Bones was special and unique, and he knew that even if they didn’t end up working out romantically - which he very much doubted would be the case - he was certain they could figure out friends again. Because it was Bones , for Christ’s sake, and they were going to spend the rest of their lives side by side. Romantically was a good bonus, one that Jim wanted more than anything, but whether they’d be in their 80s sitting on a porch swing hand in hand or shoulder to shoulder was irrelevant to the fact that they’d be there. No matter what. Jim would never do anything to intentionally hurt Bones, and he knew Bones would sooner die than hurt him. So all he really had to do was figure out a way to convince Bones of that.

Jim’s knuckles were numb by the time he figured out what to do. Which probably meant he should’ve worn gloves, but that was neither here nor there. He needed a ‘net connection for his plan, and probably also to call Pike because he didn’t exactly know how to execute this, so he made his way back to the cafe in Bones’ grandparents’ “town”, snagged himself a computer portal, harassed Pike on Christmas, then set to work. 

He was going to try to get this done fairly quickly so he wouldn’t miss Jo coming over, so he threw some music on as he worked, loud enough that it took him a while to notice the woman next to him trying to get his attention.

Jim pulled the earbuds out of his ears and looked up at a beautiful, fit woman who was probably in her mid 30s, and also happened to be taller than he was. That might’ve been a turn on if he wasn’t so one track mind focused on Bones. 

“I’ve still got another half hour left on this terminal,” Jim said, figuring she was trying to use his station. The woman, however, shook her head,

“I don’t need it. You’re Jim Kirk, right?”

“Yeah,” Jim confirmed, a bit hesitant. He’d been billed by Starfleet as the two time savior of earth, a hero and a martyr for his crew and the planet - not that anyone outside of a select few knew the extent of how true that was. This occasionally led to him being recognized in public. He hated it. However, what this woman said was much worse than anyone asking for a photo with him.

“My name’s Sophie Lee. Leonard told me a lot about you. Do you mind if I sit down?” she asked, gesturing to the chair next to him. Oh, so this was Sophie? Somehow it was worse that the woman Bones had been seeing, even though they no longer were going out, even though they’d never been serious, even though Bones loved him , was gorgeous and looked like she could firefighter carry him out of the cafe if needed. Still, he had Bones within his grasp, this woman wasn’t a threat to him, and jealousy was an ugly little thing he wasn’t trying to nurture in himself, so he nodded and she sat down.

“I feel like you being here on Christmas means that things didn’t go well for you,” she speculated. Jim took a sip of his caramel brulee latte with double whip and extra caramel to avoid saying the first thing on his mind, which was “fuck off and stay out of my personal life.” Instead, he swallowed then shrugged,

“And what does that say about your own life that you’re also here on Christmas?”

“I don’t celebrate Christmas,” she said, “Ya know, when I say Leonard told me a lot about you, I mean he told me a lot about you. I figured out he was in love with you before he did.”

Jim choked on his drink a little,

“I’m sorry what?”

“Oh, did he not tell you yet?” Sophia asked. She looked oddly not bothered by that possibility.

“I refuse to believe that Bones told you about his personal life. Bones doesn’t talk about his feelings.”

“He told me you called him Bones. That’s adorable, you know that?”

Jim rolled his eyes, “Do you want something?”

“Look, I don’t know if he told you this or ever will, and since I ran into you I feel like someone has to put you two out of your misery. Firstly, he never shuts up about you. It’s actually terrible manners and super annoying. But most importantly, the other night he showed up pissed off as hell, suggested we sleep together but then was too busy ranting to so much as kiss me. When you messaged him he’d been ranting for nearly an hour straight and honestly I’d stopped listening about 5 minutes in, but he just dropped everything. So I grabbed his shoulders and told him he was so in love with you that it was kind of disgusting to watch and that he needed to pull his head out of his ass and talk to you and failing that I wasn’t going to waste my time with a man who was in love with someone else regardless. So maybe he told you and maybe he didn’t, but you need to know before everyone who knows you gets annoyed with you guys over it.”

“It’s not that simple and, look, I appreciate you trying to help, but I’m really not going to talk about my love life with someone I don’t even know.”

“You know I thought you’d at least react to the whole ranting for an hour bit.”

“Oh that’s just Bones, he does that all the time.”

Sophia sighed, “Look, Jim, you’re right, I don’t know you and I don’t know your situation but he loves you a lot and you clearly love him too. And I just thought you should know that.”

“Uh, thanks,” Jim said. He wasn’t sure what to do with this information. On one hand, it wasn’t really anything he didn’t know before, not that was important anyway. But on the other, it was just one more confirmation that Bones loved him, and while he knew that wasn’t everything it was a hell of a lot. He didn’t doubt he’d be able to convince Bones to give him a chance with his heart.

“No problem. Happy holidays,” Sophia pulled Jim from his thoughts, then nodded at him, stood up, and wandered over to the drink counter to place her order. This was what he got, probably, for sitting in a cafe in a town with less than 1000 people in it. He should’ve known from growing up in Riverside that it was impossible to avoid anyone and your business automatically was everyone's. He had no doubt that half the town knew Bones loved him by this point, which would surely piss Bones off, but there wasn’t really a lot to be done about it now.

A lot of Jim’s plan, Pike informed him, was impossible to complete today, which he  should’ve realized before. He stayed at the cafe to get down as much as he could, then finally rode back to the McCoy farm, a pink sunset swirling around the countless fields he rode past. Christmas was nearly over at this point, a fact that he probably would’ve minded more if he had much of an emotional attachment to the holiday. Bones did, though, so he could only hope that this whole mess hadn’t ruined Bones’ day. Hopefully, despite everything Bones had to think about himself, he was still able to spend some time with his family. Or maybe he’d spent the whole day riding horses like Jim had with motorcycles. He supposed he would find out, though that was hardly his top priority.

Something almost like butterflies floated around in his belly as he approached the farm. It wasn’t a feeling he got often, but this had to go right. It was going to work, he knew it was, but with Bones the stakes were so high, and he wanted it so badly that it ached. In only a handful of hours, he might be pressing kisses to Bones’ jaw and testing out that noise canceling program he’d been kicking himself all day for not remembering to turn on last night. He was so close to what he had wanted for so long, it would probably be weird if he wasn’t nervous.

Jim swallowed the nerves as he parked the bike next to the McCoys’ house, raked a hand through his hair in an effort to eliminate some of the helmet hair he surely had, tucked his helmet under his arm, and walked into the house, determined and confident in his plan.

As it turns out, he walked right into McCoy Family Christmas, Version 2.0. The kids had received their gifts from “Santa” that morning, even Georgie and Sam who had long since stopped believing, and Jim knew that they were going to exchange gifts with each other in the evening. It wasn’t something he’d paid a lot of mind, as he was a guest and hardly expected to get anything from anyone - not even Bones, as they weren’t really the gift giving type and never had been. Now, though, he was wishing that he’d thought of the possibility that he could be walking into a living room jam packed with all the usual McCoy suspects, as well as Bones’ mom, Joanna, Jocelyn, and even Jocelyn’s new husband. And they were all looking at him. Especially Bones, who had Joanna sitting on the floor leaning against his knees surrounded by wrapping paper. Bones, as it turns out, was the one who spoke first,

“Jim Kirk, is that a goddamn motorcycle helmet?” 

Bones didn’t sound thrilled, which wasn’t a great start to things. He knew he should’ve left the helmet with the bike, but it might rain later and he really would like to get his deposit back on this thing. Jim decided to take a humorous approach to Bones’ accusation, and hoped they could take the rest of this conversation to a more private venue.

“Yeah, I’m riding responsibly. I’m practically a model of safety. Can I talk to you alone for a sec’?”

Several people oooohhhh’d as if Jim was calling Bones to the principal’s office, and the tips of Bones’ ears flushed.

“You’re about as subtle as a hit over the head with a baseball bat, kid,” Bones rolled his eyes.

“Would you have rather had some grand gesture in the middle of the living room? Because I can do that,” Jim said. He knew Bones wouldn’t actually want that, and he wouldn’t either. The way Bones’ family was silently watching them go back and forth like they were at a tennis match was uncomfortable now, he couldn’t imagine how it would be when he got into the whole grand love declaration part of his plan.

Jim’s remark seemed to spur Bones to action, though, and he said,

“Like hell,” then stood up and followed Jim through the house, out the back door, and down the porch steps. He didn’t want to walk all the way to the stables, but hopefully this way they’d be just far enough from the house to avoid having anyone hear them, unless they started yelling. And Jim was determined that there would be no yelling.

“You really couldn’t wait half an hour?” Bones asked, which wasn’t how this was supposed to go. Jim was supposed to speak first and Bones was supposed to listen. Granted, he’d probably miscalculated in assuming Bones would ever just shut up and listen to anything, but still.

“I’m sick of waiting,” Jim said, and he could see Bones bite down on his bottom lip in the soft light of the recently turned on Christmas lights. He wanted to thumb that lip out of Bones’ mouth and soothe the bite marks with his tongue, he wanted to…no, he had to focus, those thoughts could come later. “Look, Bones, I really need you to hear me out on this, okay? I know I can’t expect no comments from the peanut gallery, but try to keep an open mind. Please?”

“Say your piece, Jim, then I’ve got something to say myself.”

Jim hesitated, “Wait, your thing isn’t going to make what I’m about to say a totally moot point is it?”

“Being as that I don’t know what you’re about to say, I really can’t answer that. Just get it out, you ain’t the only one who’s sick of waiting.”

“Okay,” Jim agreed. Unfortunately his brain had been replaced by a comparable volume of slime, and all the grand and romantic declarations that he’d thought of on the ride over here were somewhere lost in that. Somehow talking about his feelings for Bones made him more “bumbling 12 year old with a crush” and less “charismatic genius and master tactician”. Hopefully it would get easier if - no, when - they were in a relationship. For now, the only way he could think of to start was,

“So, I’m selling my condo.”

Bones arched an eyebrow, “You pulled me out of family Christmas to discuss…real estate decisions?”

“No, ugh, sorry, I totally had this planned out but I got nervous and forgot what I was gonna say,” Jim said, pulling at a handful of his hair in frustration. Bones smiled almost sweetly, as if he was somehow finding Jim’s struggle endearing. Jim didn’t know whether to like that or not. Bones didn’t say anything, though, so Jim went on,

“I am selling my condo, and it is important, though. Look, here, I can show you that I filled out an intent to sell at some realtor’s office today. I wanted to show you something a bit more concrete, but apparently these things take time. Anyways…”

Jim trailed off and pulled his communicator out of his pocket and thrust the screen towards Bones’ face. Bones didn’t look at it for long, he just nodded and said,

“I believe you, Jim. I don’t know why you think I wouldn’t.”

“Because I’m going to buy a house,” Jim said, and there was that eyebrow again. “Something with a yard, just outside the city, in a good neighborhood with trees and all that shit. And, now hear me out on this, I want to buy it with you.”

“Jim,” Bones started, but Jim shook his head,

“No, I said hear me out. I know it sounds crazy, like I’m skipping a million steps in a relationship we haven’t even started, but I’m not. I want a three bedroom; one for me, one for you, one for Joanna when she’s around. She deserves a stable place to spend time when she’s with you. But, more importantly, I need you to understand how committed I am to spending the rest of my goddamn life with you, Bones.

On the Enterprise or not, hell, dating or friends, it doesn’t matter. I mean it does, because I want a romantic relationship with you like…I can’t even describe. But at the end of the day, you are goddamn stuck with me no matter what form that’s in. I’m going to be your best friend until the day one of us dies, and for good this time. I know you’re scared that this won’t work out, that it’ll blow up in your face like things did with Jocelyn. No, don’t argue with me, I know that’s why you’re hesitating. And I can’t promise you that we’re going to work out as a couple, though I don’t see any even halfway decent reason why we won’t be incredible, but I can promise you that there isn’t a single thing in this goddamn galaxy, hell in any galaxy, that would make me stop wanting to be your best friend. 

I’ve been in love with you for months, at least, but I’ve loved you for years. So, yeah, I’ve never been in a relationship before, there’s probably going to be a learning curve, and Pike made it pretty damn clear that I’m going to fuck up in all sorts of grand and unpredictable ways, but you and me being best friends? Bones, we’re like gravity. A simple concept underpinning every goddamn thing, and physicists throw new theories at the wall to see what will stick all the time but gravity is always true, every day and everywhere and forever and no matter what discoveries come after it. 

You don’t get to be rid of me. Ever. Ever . And I’m so damn sure of that that I’m willing to put your name next to mine on a house deed, which I’ve learned are complicated and far too annoying for my own good. Yeah, I know that’s not, like, permanent. Nothing is, but it’s the best I could think of to prove to you that even if this doesn’t work out you’re never going to lose me, to prove that I’m serious about this, more serious than I’ve ever been about anything in my entire life. And to answer your question from earlier, long distance is fine. I can’t say I won’t be bored, but I can say I won’t be any more bored than I’ll already be from not having you by my side every day. There’s nothing to lose, Bones, and everything to gain. The whole damn universe, if this works. So, there it was, my grand romantic speech. Everything’s laid bare, you can do with it what you want, I know you might need time, but…”

Jim was saved from trying to figure out how to end his probably overly long ramble by the soft press of Bones’ lips against his. It was a fleeting touch, just a brush of the lips before Bones pulled away, but it was a hell of an effective way to stun him into silence.

“Uh…” Jim said. He was pretty sure his brain was a blank slate in that moment. He licked his lips and Bones’ smiled a little. It was a different kind of Bones smile, not one that he’d seen a lot, if at all. It was soft and sweet and so goddamn beautiful that it took his breath away.

“You were rambling,” Bones said, as if he needed an explanation for kissing him quiet. In Jim’s mind, Bones could kiss him quiet any time he spoke without a shred of explanation and it wouldn’t phase him at all.

Jim nodded, not sure what to say. He was pretty sure he used up all his words already, and he was still buzzing from the kiss and that goddamn look on Bones’ face.

“Now that you’ve said your piece, it’s high time I say mine,” Bones said and Jim drew his brows together,

“I just bore my soul to you and you have nothing to say?”

“Shhh, Jim, we’re getting there. Patience is a virtue. What I was planning on sayin’ is that I took some time to think today, about what you said, and what exactly I’ve been running from. And you’re right, I was scared. Once bitten, twice shy is a hell of a stereotype, but I can’t deny there’s truth to it. But, the way I see it, it's worth the risk.”

Jim was silent for a few moments, processing, then when he finally was sure what Bones had just implied, he asked,

“Wait, are you saying you’d made up your mind to give it a try before I even said anything?!”

“‘Fraid so,” Bones shrugged. Jim laughed,

“Oh my God, Bones, why didn’t you say anything before I rambled myself half to death. I mean, yeah, it was a good speech…”

“It was passable.”

“Passable?! Are you kidding me?”

“7/10 at best. And grading on your curve?” Bones whistled low through the smirk playing at his lips and the laughter in his eyes, “Passable may be a stretch.”

“I can’t believe you!” Jim laughed. With anyone else he may be offended, but with Bones? Teasing was just their way of speaking, and Bones did already confirm that he wanted a relationship just like Jim did, which was the most important part of any of this. “I pour my heart out to you and it’s ‘passable’!”

“As it happens, I’ve never claimed to be an objective judge, and given that I’m in love with the speech giver I’m willing to give him a bit of wiggle room.”

“God, that’s really embarrassing for you. Good thing he loves you back.” 

Jim could feel the utter sappiness in his smile as he said it, which he usually would never show to anyone, but it was Bones . Bones, who loved him back and wanted to be with him. Bones, who he’d be friends with for the rest of their lives. There was no embarrassment anymore, hadn’t been between them for ages. 

“Good thing,” Bones agreed. He closed what little distance there was between them and while he didn’t kiss Jim again, he did rest the palm of his cool hand on Jim’s cheek and smile a little, strikingly genuine. “Ya know, despite the fact that all I needed from you was a confirmation that you’d be fine with long distance if that’s where I end up, it wasn’t a bad speech. Little rough around the edges and a bit rambly, but sweet. Charming. Heartfelt. Who was I to interrupt Jim Kirk talking about his feelings?”

“Please, like you’re any better,” Jim rolled his eyes.

“And that’s a yes on the house, by the way. I’ve been wanting to get a better place for Jo to visit but ‘Fleet housing stipends and Bay Area housing prices don’t get along all that well. If it’s all the same to you, I figure we could use that third bedroom you were suggesting as an office.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Bones nodded, and then Jim leaned in just a touch and kissed him.

Who could blame him, really? There probably weren’t even 10 centimeters between their lips to begin with, Bones’ thumb was rubbing slowly at the notch in Jim’s jaw, multicolored Christmas lights were dancing in Bones’ deep hazel eyes, and Bones loved him. He loved him and wanted to be with him and Jim had been waiting for this for so long so of course he kissed Bones. Of course he did. 

This kiss wasn’t like any of the others. It wasn’t hot and hurried like they’d been the previous night, nor was it the simple brush of reassurance that Bones had given him earlier. This was different. Bone’s lips were soft beneath his, and sunk into him eagerly. Bones’ mouth was hot and sweet and every point of contact between the two of them tingled somewhere beneath Jim’s skin and it was perfect and passionate and full of so much goddamn love that Jim’s heart felt like bursting. He wanted to do it a million more times as soon as they pulled away, and realized with a thrill that that was no longer a pipe dream. 

They separated only far enough to press their foreheads together, and Jim kept his eyes shut, hoping to draw this perfect moment out just a little bit longer. When he finally opened his eyes, he was surprised to see that not only were Bones’ still closed, but his hair was covered in little white flecks of snow. 

“Since when was it supposed to snow?” Jim asked, breaking the moment between them in his confusion. Oh well, there would be other moments. 

Bones opened his eyes and his brow was already up near his hairline as he pulled away further from Jim to look around. As it turns out, it was snowing, but only in about a meter radius around their feet. 

“What in the hell?” Bones asked, and then he looked up. Jim followed his gaze and saw three figures in the window right above them, one of whom was holding a little box out over the roof of the porch that was shooting “snow” out of it. Jim laughed and Bones shouted,

“Joanna Eleanor McCoy Darnell! What have I told you about keeping your nose where it belongs?!”

“It’s about time!” a voice that sounded suspiciously like Sam shouted. “Georgie programmed the replicator to make snow! You’re welcome for the romantic moment!”

“All three of you get inside this instant!” Bones demanded, “What’s a man gotta do to get some privacy around here?”

“Congratulations, daddy!” Joanna called down, then all three girls ducked back in the house, taking the “snow” with them.

“I’m gonna have a talk with Jocelyn, this is absurd, she oughta know better,” Bones grumbled but he didn’t make a move to go back inside. Instead, he intertwined his cool fingers with Jim’s and smiled. 

“Your fingers are freezing, I wouldn’t want you to lose them before I’ve even really had a chance to explore just what they can do.”

“I’m a damn surgeon, Jim, sex is the single least important thing my hands do. But yes, thank you very much, it’s cold as hell out here.”

“You’re a wimp but whatever. Wanna get in the car and drive out to some field and make out?”

Bones laughed and he sounded a little bit like a seal but Jim had always thought it was the most beautifully ugly sound.

“You would suggest that. It’s Christmas.”

“So? You may recall it was Christmas when we hooked up.”

“So it was. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m having a hard time finding a flaw in your idea. After Joanna leaves, of course.”

Jim nodded. Of course Joanna came first. It was only natural. There would be plenty of time for them to make out later that night. And then every night for the rest of their lives.

“So, we should probably head inside, then,” Jim suggested.

“Yeah, probably,” Bones nodded but neither of them moved. There were a few comfortable seconds of silence between them before Jim broke it and asked,

“So, we’re really doing this? The whole boyfriends thing?”

“Partners, I ain’t 12. But yes, it appears we are.”

“And you’re good with that?” Jim asked once more, just to be sure. Bones rolled his eyes,

“Don’t ask stupid questions.”

And then, presumably to keep him from asking anymore “stupid questions”, Bones pulled Jim close and kissed him again. There was no snow this time, and Bones’ hands really were freezing, but it was still perfect. The best kiss of Jim’s life, yet again. And he got to do this for the rest of his life. God, he had no idea what he’d done to deserve this, but he’d do anything to keep it. For now, though, all that mattered was them and, Jim supposed, that was all that really ever would.

Chapter Text

Bones had gotten another day with his daughter shortly before he and Jim left Georgia, and as a Christmas gift to the both of them - which had been met with a “dammit, Jim, we agreed no gifts!” - Jim had taken them down to the holo center in Atlanta that Jim had suggested shortly before Christmas. Bones had been, as he put it, far too busy going out of his damn mind trying to make heads or tails of his feelings for Jim to spend an entire day together when Jim had initially suggested the idea. However, they were settled now. Well, they were if “settled” meant sneaking off with each other whenever they got a chance, testing out the noise canceling program Jim made for their room, and overall feeling out the boundaries and edges of this new space they were making together in their relationship. It was a good space, and Jim was happier than he could ever remember being. There was little to no new relationship weirdness, they still fit together as perfectly as they always had. Sure, there was the looming question of Bones’ maybe transfer hanging over Jim’s head, but he was trying to give his new partner time and, in his opinion, wasn’t even being that annoying about it. So Bones didn’t hesitate to say yes this time when Jim suggested taking Jo to the holo center, and he’d gotten the okay from Jocelyn to take Jo for the day.

They’d done a fish exploration program made for kids a few years older than Jo was, given her preexisting knowledge on the subject. Jo thought it was a blast, and Jim had to agree. The holo suite had conjured up an ocean scene with “fish” that they could swim up to and interact with. The program even displayed facts on each animal when you touched them. Bones had grumbled about the safety of swimming in the open ocean - even though they had air packs and these kids programs had very strict safety protocols - and about how giving kids the idea that they could safely touch all sorts of wild marine life was a terrible idea - to which Jo had scoffed and reminded him that she was not 5 and was not stupid. Despite his grumbling, Bones had followed Jim and Jo into the water, and had spent the entire time watching Jo with this awestruck expression on his face that he always tended to get when he was interacting with his daughter. 

“This is incredible, right?” Jim asked Bones while Jo swam around a coral reef, looking at everything with rapt fascination in her big brown eyes. 

Bones was watching his daughter closely, just far enough off to give her space and not crowd her while she explored, but close enough that he could intervene on the roughly 0% chance that something went wrong.

Bones nodded, “Yeah, it sure is something. Far more entertaining use of these things than all those training programs they made us run at the Academy. Thanks for this, Jim.”

“Oh, don’t sweat it. Besides, I get to stare at you shirtless all day, this is really a gift for me, too.”

“Jim,” Bones hissed, and inclined his head to where Jo was swimming. They weren’t keeping their relationship a secret, they hardly could when Jo had seen one of their first kisses, but Bones very much didn’t want Jo to see or hear anything to disprove the idea that their relationship was just chaste kisses and some light cuddling and hand holding. Of course, in this case…

“Relax, she’s underwater, it’s fine,” Jim rolled his eyes, “Besides, there are plenty of far more inappropriate things I’ve been thinking that I could’ve said. I haven’t touched your pecs or your ass even once today, you should be proud of me. I mean, aside from this morning when…”

Jim was cut off by Bones shoving a splash of water forward into his face. He yelped, sputtered, then splashed Bones back with a laugh,

“Oh, you have no idea what you just started!”

It was then that Jo resurfaced, removed her breathing apparatus, and then promptly got hit square in the face with the splash of water from Bones that was clearly meant for Jim. 

Bones went from playful to concerned in an instant and Jo wiped the water from her eyes.

“Oh God, Jo, I’m so sorry…” Bones started and Jo rolled her eyes,

“I’m fine, dad.” 

And then Jo launched herself at Bones’ shoulders with a giggly growl, which managed to catch Bones off guard enough to briefly dunk him under water. Jim just laughed as he watched them. This had definitely been worth every credit.

After their session with the fish program, Jim encouraged Bones to sign Jo into a group holo program where a bunch of the kids there that day could play soccer with some of the all time greats. Bones was a bit hesitant, but they were supervised by plenty of adults there, and Jo wanted to do it so badly. She was probably going to sleep for 24 hours straight when she got home. Jim and Bones, however, headed over to the adult side of the facility.

“Where the hell are you taking me, Jim?” Bones asked as they scanned their IDs in order to enter the 18 and older section. “You damn well better not be taking me to a sex program.”

“Oh, we’re going to a sex dungeon, I hope you brought your leather and latex,” Jim teased.

“I’m not having sex with you in a damn computer program, there could be cameras all over this place. I hardly want my ass leaked to the papers.”

“The papers would be so lucky,” Jim scoffed, “But have a little faith, Bones. I do actually know you. This program is housed in the 18+ section, but it’s nothing bad, I promise. Just wanted us to have some alone time while Jo is running around making new friends.”

Bones looked skeptical but followed Jim to the holo suite he’d rented. Jim punched in the code he was given at the front desk then the door opened and he stepped in and nodded. This was what he’d been hoping it would be. Bones whistled low as he stepped in the sand and took his place at Jim’s side and threaded their fingers together.

“Color me impressed, kid.”

“It’s, uh, supposed to be the beach you always went to as a kid, down on the coast. They didn’t have this exact one, so I kinda…” Jim wiggled the fingers on his free hand, “Messed with it a bit.”

“It’s damn good,” Bones said, and he was smiling genuinely enough that Jim knew he was telling the truth. “You should know, though, that all this aside, I still ain’t having sex with you in this room.”

Jim rolled his eyes, “Ya know, here’s a fun fact: I do actually like parts of you that are neither your dick nor your ass. Shocking, I know, but I spent four, only slightly sexually frusterated years interacting with neither and was largely fine. You’re still my best friend. I just wanna hang out, maybe make out a little, take a nap, all that good shit.”

“I’m way ahead of ya on the nap,” Bones said.

“Yeah, I figured you would be, hence the hammock,” Jim walked towards said hammock and flopped down onto it. He toed his shoes off then stretched out on his back, hands resting under his head. Bones eyes the contraption with suspicion and kicked lazily at one of the supports.

“I don’t even wanna know what kinda shit you’d see if you put a black light to that mess of ropes.”

“I feel like you’re failing to understand the basic premise of this place, Bones. The hammock isn’t real, it’s just solid light or whatever. A fancy projection. Nobody has had sex in this hammock because it did not exist before we entered this room and will not exist after we leave. If you’re going to find suspicious body fluids anywhere, it’ll be on the floor ‘cause there is actually floor under all this fake sand. So you might as well just lay down.”

Bones huffed in exasperation then joined Jim on the hammock. It rocked a lot as Bones got settled, and he grumbled something about how these things weren’t made for two grown men and Jim laughed until Bones “accidentally” jammed his elbow into his ribs, which shut him up pretty effectively. Eventually they settled with Bones resting his head on Jim’s chest, their bodies twisted together in a million different ways. It probably shouldn’t have been comfortable, but it was Bones, so it somehow was. 

“I’m gonna take a goddamn nap,” Bones said and swung an arm over Jim’s chest, “I wouldn’t trade it for anything but dammit Jo runs me ragged sometimes.”

“Old man,” Jim teased and ran his fingers through Bones’ still damp hair. In truth, Jim was tired as well, though naps usually evaded him. Bones had been concerned the swimming would be too much for him, but the safety protocols of the program made it just the right amount of effort on his still healing body. Unlike Bones, he wasn’t planning on sleeping, but he was more than content to curl up with his new partner and have a relaxing and peaceful hour, even if Bones was asleep.

Bones, however, did not sleep. Oh, he closed his eyes, alright, but his breathing never fully evened out, and he kept occasionally tracing lazy patterns into Jim’s ribs. 

“This is nice, Jim,” Bones said, abandoning efforts to nap after a while. His eyes remained closed, and he looked more relaxed than Jim had seen him in a while.

“We could’ve stayed in bed and put on a white noise program with all you’re looking at it,” Jim teased, but truthfully he wouldn’t have cared if Bones had slept the whole time. He just wanted Bones to be happy, and judging by the soft smile on his lips, he was. 

“It’s the thought, kid,” Bones said, and he opened his eyes specifically so Jim could see him roll them. Jim had to laugh.

“Yeah, well, uh, you’re welcome. Glad you like it.”

“Love it,” Bones confirmed, “Love you.”

Jim grinned, as he always did when he got to hear Bones say those words, “Love you too, Bones.”

Bones was silent for a few minutes as he watched the ocean and continued tracing nonsense patterns on Jim’s ribs. Finally, he cleared his throat,

“So, uh, I’ve got some news about the custody situation.”

“Oh?” Jim asked. He was trying not to sound overly interested. After all, he was going to support his partner no matter where he decided his future lay. But he couldn’t deny he had his own set of hopes and wishes for where Bones ended up.

Bones laughed, “Quit trying to sound so unaffected, Jim. We both know where you stand with this, you don’t gotta pretend you don’t have skin in the game.”

“Whatever you decide…” Jim started, and Bones cut him off,

“I know. You’ve made that clear and I appreciate it. But you know I had dinner again with Jocelyn and Clay a few nights back?”

Jim nodded. He’d been wondering what the outcome of that conversation had been since it’d happened, but he really was trying his best to stay out of it and be patient. No good would come from trying to rush Bones on this. 

“Well,” Bones continued, “We were talkin’ about what schedule would work best for Jo. Ya know she’s getting older, she’s got friends and sports and school here, and neither of us wanna take her from that. We don’t want her to be one of those kids who takes a shuttle cross country every other weekend to see one of their parents, as much as I want to be with her all the time.”

“Are you moving back to Georgia, then?” Jim asked. It wouldn’t matter all that much to him if Bones lived in San Francisco or Georgia, seeing as how he’d see him exactly never regardless.

“Nah. Couldn’t if I wanted to. SFM doesn’t have a location down here, and I’m not retiring. Getting out of a contract right in the middle like that would be a pain in the ass, if not impossible in my situation. I told Joce I was thinking staying earth-side may not be the best decision for me, after all. Gotta admit I was running from my feelings at least a bit. Thing is, Jo overheard us talking, and she wasn’t happy. She, naturally, had opinions on the situation.”

Jim winced. Even if Bones had been leaning towards going back into space with him, which it seemed like he had been, he was weak in the face of his baby girl asking him for something, and Jim got it. He really did. But he was still going to be disappointed.

“Not happy her dad was thinking about leaving her?” Jim guessed. He was trying very hard to do supportive and neutral, but his feelings on the situation no doubt seeped through in his eyes and tone. 

“More like not happy he’s thinking about it at all,” Bones said, “She, and she made this very clear, thinks I would be ‘insane’ to stay here when I could go back up there. She told me there must be something ‘wrong with my head’, which I can assure you is a hell of a thing to hear from a 9 year old. She said she missed me a lot when I was out there, but she didn’t want me to stay on her account. She says she likes hearing all my stories, apparently she likes bragging about having a dad in Starfleet, and, interestingly enough, she was worried you’ll be lonely without me.”

“I didn’t talk to her,” Jim said quickly. The last thing he wanted was for Bones to think he was meddling in his affairs with his daughter. Jim may have been too nosey for his own good, Bones claimed, but he knew when to stay out of stuff. 

Bones’ lips quirked upwards, “I’m aware of that, Jim. But, Christ, that child was mad. She yelled at me, yelled at her mama, then locked herself in her bedroom. Of course, I wasn’t gonna do what she said just ‘cause it’s what she wants now. Lord knows, in 3 years she may decide she hates me for being gone so much, but it certainly was something to take into consideration.”

“And?” Jim asked, “How’d you get her talking to you again? She seemed thrilled to see you today.”

“I told her I wouldn’t stay on earth,” Bones shrugged, as if it was naturally that simple. Jim had wondered if maybe that was where this was going, but he hadn’t let himself believe it until he heard the words come out of Bones’ mouth.

“You’re coming back home?” Jim asked, “I mean, to the Enterprise?”

“No, I figured I’d request a transfer to another ship, fall in love with their captain, start the process over again,” Bones teased.

Jim laughed, “You made it in with the captain of the flagship, there’s nowhere to go but down, Bones.”

“Made it in with the captain of the flagship, made it into the captain of the flagship,” Bones shrugged, a silly grin playing at his lips, “Only a few dozen other people who can say that.”

“I thought the ‘going down’ joke was the more obvious one there, myself.”

“Some of us don’t always go for the easiest thing in the room.”

“And yet you went for me, which I think contradicts that,” Jim hummed, in faux contemplation, then he rather suddenly remembered the subject at hand and looked down at his new partner, “You’re really going to come back to the Enterprise? With me?”

“Yeah, Jim. I’m coming home with you. And I ain’t gonna fault you for being excited, though I certainly do appreciate you giving me space to figure this out on my own.”

“I couldn’t ask you to leave Jo,” Jim said, then finally sighed in relief, letting out over a week’s worth of anxiety over his future in that breath, “But I’m glad you’re coming back with me. I gotta ask, did you figure this out three days ago and just decide to string me along the whole time?”

“Yes, it was all an elaborate prank,” Bones deadpanned, “Of course I didn’t make you wait for no reason. I figured, after my conversation with Jo and Joce the other night, that I’d be coming back with you, but I didn’t wanna get your hopes up until I was certain of my decision. And I am, now. Wanted to tell you this morning, but I figured it was a conversation best had in private.”

“You were right, because we’ve got 20 minutes left in here and I’m going to spend the whole time kissing the shit out of you,” Jim said, and yanked Bones up by his shoulders so their faces were within kissing distance, “Just so you know.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah,” Jim pressed a quick kiss to Bones’ lips, “yeah, it is.”

“Well,” Bones drawled and threaded his fingers through Jim’s hair, “‘Suppose I can live with that.”