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Huening Kai is certain he must have messed something up, and it’s tearing him apart, bit by bit. He’s been racking his brain trying to figure out what he did wrong, but he just can’t place it and it’s driving him insane- he’s starting to worry that whatever happened must be irreversible.
You see, the thing you need to know about Huening Kai is that he is hopelessly in love with his best friend, Kang Taehyun. And the thing you need to know about Kang Taehyun is that he’s hopelessly in love with hit k-pop girl group, Twice. And lately, Taehyun has been sacrificing his time with Kai in favor of fully immersing himself in Twice’s latest album.
Kai can admit, it’s a good album. He loves The Feels, and he just added Candy to his playlist. Kai gets it. He does. He knows how much his roommate adores Twice. But he just desperately misses the other. He craves the way they were before Formula of Love: O+T=<3 was released.
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“Hyuka! The new dorm has enough space for us to all have our own rooms!!” Taehyun was anxious, excited, a little weary.
“Oh? That’s… Nice,” Kai responds. After being roommates with Taehyun for so long, he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to have a room to himself again. He got used to the closeness- he liked it.
Taehyun laughs lightly at him. “Don’t worry, I don’t want my own room either.” he smiles at Kai, always so fond. “Let’s just stay roommates, even though we have the space.”
Huening Kai grins at that, a slight flush on his face. “I’d really like that.” You can hear the smile through his words, thick and warm. He goes over to where Taehyun is sitting, cuddling in next to him and rubbing his belly. And Taehyun smiled at that. He’d never say it, but he loved these close clingy moments with Kai. and Kai could tell, but he stayed quiet, snuggling in just a little closer.
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It’s been days. Kai is starting to get restless. He knows the other members sense it too- he’s been forced asked to have coffee with Soobin, but Kai didn’t expect any less, considering Soobin’s leader senses.
“So? Spit it out.” Soobin begins, sitting the two down in a booth at the corner of the cafe.
Kai says nothing, trying to figure out how far to take this. He wasn't exactly sure if he wanted to openly admit to being head over heels for their bandmate- he firmly believed that some thoughts shouldn’t be shared. Especially thoughts he shouldn’t act on.
Apparently he took too long, because Soobin spoke up once again. “Kai, seriously, you’ve been moping for four days. You’ve been rubbing my belly so much I think it might fall off.” And his tone was gentle, but Kai was so embarrassed- all of this over a silly little crush who wasn’t talking to him enough.
“Sorry,” Kai’s meek, shy. Soobin smiles softly at him, worried but kind.
“It’s okay, just tell me what’s wrong so I can help. That’s my job as leader, remember?”
Kai sighs. “Yeah, I know. Um, it's just… Taehyun hasn’t been talking to me lately and I’m worried I did something wrong.”
And Kai is so obviously anxious, but Soobin just laughs lightly. “Kai, that’s what you’re worried about?” Soobin is clearly slightly amused, but Kai just looks at his lap and nods, unsure. “Ning, Twice just released a new album. He’s not talking to anyone, you know how he gets with them.”
“I know, and I know how much he loves them and I get it but he’s never shut me out like this. Even with Twice albums, he always gushes about them to me and we listen to the album and watch performances together but he hasn't talked to me outside of work since he got his copy of the album. I just miss him, Bin.”
“Wait, he talks to you during Twice season?!”
Yeah, I thought you all knew that… we’re roommates, so we talk even when he doesn’t wanna talk to anyone else.”
Soobin sighs, and Kai feels like he's exposing too much. “Kai, Have you tried confronting Taehyun about this?”
“I mean, not really, but-”
Soobin cuts him off. “Then go talk to him, what are you doing here with me?!” He exclaims, getting up from the table. “Now come on, we’re gonna be late for dance practice.”
Kai does as he’s told, overthinking everything he’ll say to Taehyun when he gets the chance.
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It’s a drizzly May morning. Their first day off in weeks- preparing for Freeze has taken up all their time. But for the first time in months, the boys have the day to themselves to spend as they please. The older three seemed to be exhausted- they slept in every chance they got. But Kai and Taehyun had a pact- a promise. Every day off, they wake up early to go for a jog (Taehyun tries to turn it into a run, but Kai is stubborn and will make Taehyun wait for him if he goes too fast) and get coffee and breakfast after. Today was no exception.
“How can you even drink that,” Kai teases, “All the sugar in your caramel macchiato is gonna go to your head someday, I swear.”
Taehyun rolls his eyes (lovingly, as always), and bites back. “Even if it does, I’ll still be smarter than you,” He smirks at Kai, and Kai feels his ears heat pink.
“That's why you like me though,” Kai grins, “I’m the perfect dumbass to compliment your genius. Plus, I’m the only one who listens to you infodump about Twice.” And Kai is so smug, barely holding in a laugh as Taehyun playfully kicks him under the table.
“Drink your latte, idiot,” Taehyun mutters behind his own glass, and Kai can see that his ears are red.
“Your idiot,” Kai teases, winking at his friend.
Taehyun groans, getting up from the table.”I’m gonna go get a box for my muffin.”
And that was their routine- Kai teased, Taeyhun responded. Kai flirted, Taehyun joked. That’s how it always was, how Kai thought it always would be.
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Kai’s apprehensive. He’s pacing the hallway of their dorm, trying to piece all his words together before he enters his room. He knows he’s overthinking it all, but he’s not sure he can help it.
“Kai, stop pacing, you’re shaking the floor!!” he hears Beomgyu yell from the other room.
“Sorry!” He calls back, embarrassed. It really is now or never, he guesses. He takes a deep breath, opening the door to his room.
Taehyun is sitting cross legged on the bed watching something on his laptop intently. He’s fidgeting with a deck of cards, subconsciously doing magic tricks while his eyes are glued to the screen.
Kai sighs. He’s not gonna be able to get his attention, he knows it. Nevertheless, he tries.
“Hey Tyun,” He starts, cautiously.
Taehyun grunts in response, clearly not quite listening.
“Can we talk? Please?” Kai is tired. He just wants his best friend back.
“Later, Hyuka, Sana’s live.” Taehyun is always kind to him. Kai knows he’s not trying to shut him out, but he's still a bit hurt- unintentional as it is, the cold shoulder always stings.
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Summer 2017 was sticky, sweaty, and one of the hardest times of Huening Kai’s life. He barely knew any of the other trainees- only Choi Soobin seemed to like him all that much. The trainees were starting to dwindle down- there were only about ten of them left. Kai was starting to wonder if he would get anywhere in the industry if he didn’t make some friends.
Lunch break, mid july. He couldn’t tell what day it was anymore. But a quiet pretty boy was sitting at the end of the lunch table with his headphones in. Kai’s never been very socially aware, so sitting down beside the guy sounded like a good idea to him.
Kai looks at him- Taehyun, he thinks his name was. He hangs out with Yeonjun, who hangs out with Soobin, who hangs out with him. A friend of a friend of a friend, and Kai would be lying to himself if he said he never noticed the other until now. He had a strong voice, solid rap, and powerful dance. He was almost always in the top five trainees for each category, and Kai was trying his best not to be intimidated.
He taps Taehyun on the shoulder, timid. Taehyun takes out an earbud, turning to look at him. Up close, Kai noticed he has such big, pretty eyes. He tried not to be shaken by that.
“Um, hi! You’re Kang Taehyun, right? I'm Huening Kai. What are you listening to?”
Taehyun blinks at him. “Uh, yeah, I’m Taehyun. Just listening to Signal for the one millionth time.” Taehyun chuckled, a little embarrassed, but Kai lit up.
“You like Twice? They’re my mom’s favorite group, I always listen to them when I miss her. Who’s your bias?” Kai was always so bouncy and bright- loud without trying, but it worked for him.
Taehyun’s eyes shone when he smiled, Kai learned. “Oh, I like Sana! Everyone here likes boy groups, so I didn’t expect you to wanna talk about them. I’m glad you do though! I’m kind of a Twice expert.” Taehyun giggles, and Kai can’t help but laugh with him.
“Sana is my mom’s favorite, too! She says Sana reminds her of me. And I love all music, you can always talk to me about Twice when no one else will listen.” Kai winks at Taehyun, giggling when he blushes.
“You know, I think I see what your mom means, you remind me of Sana too.” And Kai just might think Tahyun’s smile is the prettiest thing he’s ever seen, but he doesn't admit it- not yet.
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Honestly, as much as he sees Moas joking about Taehyun and him being each other’s batteries, it was true. So many days of virtually no contact with him has him feeling drained and hopeless. He wakes up every morning and just wants to sleep again, he goes through the motions every day and feels stupid and dramatic for even feeling this way at all.
The car ride back from a solo schedule has never felt so heavy.
Kai gets back to the dorm, and he’s hungry but he just wants to sleep, so he ignores the emptiness in his stomach for the night and walks to his room without a word to anyone.
He opens the door to their room and instantly hears the sound of Taehyun’s latest fixation. Time to Twice is pulled up on the laptop and Taehyun’s got a Candybong in each hand- one of the old design, one of the new one. Both are lit up, and he’s fucking around as he watches the show, lifting the lightsticks like weights. And I’m any other circumstance, Kai would’ve found it cute, but he’s far too drained.
And as much as he hates to say it, Huening Kai is starting to resent Twice for stealing his best friend from him.
“Tyun, can you please put in headphones? I’m tired.” Kai hardly breathes it out, but Taehyun hears, putting down his lightsticks and grabbing his earbuds. Kai turns out the light and gestures for Taehyun to come join him in their bed (they pushed their twin mattresses together ages ago. They both slept better with someone next to them) as he lied down. Tyun lies down next to him, kissing his forehead goodnight as he always did, and Kai almost wishes they weren’t the kind of friends who were touchy as Taehyun turns his back to him to finish the video. He sighs, and holds it all in. Taehyun's not trying to hurt him. He repeated the phrase in his head, trying to convince himself, wrapping his arm around Taehyun and drifting into a restless sleep.
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“Woah, this dorm is huge!” Kai’s bouncing with excitement, looking between the empty new room and Taehyun, who’s smiling just as bright.
“Hyuka, we can fit so much more in here than the last room, we should get you a keyboard to put on this wall, and we should get one of those giant bean bag chairs that seats two people to put in the opposite corner! And we could get something to put your plushie collection over on that wall!” Taehyun scurried around the room, gesturing and pointing as the movers brought their mattresses and beds in.
“Tyun, where are we gonna put the beds then? You only left one wall open, you know. I do love all these ideas though!” Huening Kai laughed, waddling over to hug Taehyun from behind, rubbing his belly.
“Well,” Taehyun got nervous suddenly, Kai noticed. Taehyun scratched the back of his neck as he continued. “You know I sleep better when I’m not alone, and I know you do too, so to save some space, we could always just scoot the beds together to have one big bed, i mean we don’t have to but if you want to-”
Kai laughed, resting his head on Taehyun’s. “Sounds good to me Tyunnie!! Like a sleepover every night!”
And with that, he let go of Taehyun, Taking a bed frame from the movers and thanking them.
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Kai stares at the ebay listing on his computer screen. The bid ends in an hour, and this is definitely an impulse decision, but he’s afraid it might be the only thing that can bring Taehyun back to him. The Summer Nights Sana monograph wasn’t cheap, especially considering it was literally a photo printed on cardstock. But Kai would do what he had to, wincing as he put in an absolutely absurd bid for the photocard and locked his phone.
It could be an apology gift for whatever he did wrong. He just has to wait for it to come in. If worst comes to worst, it could be a gesture- a way to be honest about why this all has affected him so much. A confession, Kai supposes. But he really doesn’t want it to come to that.
He looks at the time and notices he only has about a minute left in his break. Kai gets up from where he’s hiding and heads back to their dance studio- there’s still a lot of work to do for their MAMA stage.
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“HYUKA, IT’S HERE!!!” Taehyun squealed, running up to Kai with a box in his hands. Kai didn’t even have to ask what was in the package- Twice’s latest album released a few days ago and he knew Taehyun well enough to know that only one thing got him that excited. Taehyun tugged lightly on Kai's hand, pulling him to their room. “Hyuka come on, unbox it with me!!” And Kai loved this side of Taehyun- his childlike excitement about all things Twice was so endearing to him. He followed closely behind his roommate, fond and blushing.
Taehyun jumped on their bed, Kai grabbing a pair of scissors before following suit. Taehyun always got too excited and forgot to actually grab something to open the box with, so Kai learned to accommodate over the years.
Taehyun absolutely vibrated as he carefully cut the tape, and Kai watched with a grin as Taehyun pulled the album set out of the box and handed the scissors back to him. Kai knew, after sitting by Taehyun during this process for almost four years now, Taehyun always took his time to truly appreciate each version before moving on to the next one. He studied each page of the photobooks, taking in all the details before moving to the inclusions, then to the photocards, and finally moving to the next version. He was usually very quiet during these moments, just eyes wide and smiley as he wiggled his fingers over the pages. Every once in a while, Taehyun would turn to Kai to show him a page of the photobook, or a photocard he pulled with stars in his eyes. And Kai always responded by mirroring his enthusiasm, grinning along with his best friend.
There were four versions of Formula of Love, and Kai watched Taehyun open each one fondly over his shoulder. As they finally got to the last version, Taehyun was manifesting his pulls harder and harder- three versions in, and he hadn’t pulled Sana once. Not even in his POBs.
Taehyun unwrapped the final version of the album, closing his eyes and handing all his photocards to Kai. He strictly told Kai not to peek every time, just to make sure all the cards were face down, but Kai always peeked anyway.
Taehyun finally asked Kai for the photocards back, and Kai’s never been great at secrets, so he was practically vibrating in his spot on the bed, watching Taehyun with bright eyes. Taehyun wasn’t stupid, but he wasn’t great at facial expressions- he never noticed how Kai got excited every time he did, never noticed Kai watching him across every room, never noticed the longing behind Kai’s eyes, so Kai was never too careful. Taehyun flipped the cards over and absolutely squealed when he saw the face on the other side. His final pull of the batch was Sana, and Kai knew it would be, because Taehyun always gets what he wants, even if half the time, Kai is the one giving it to him- always without ever telling his friend.
“Hyuka look!!” Taehyun pushed the card to Kai’s face. “I pulled Sana!!” And Taehyun was giddy, shaking his arms and grinning ear to ear. And as bittersweet as Kai always was when it came to Taehyun, he just smiled fondly along with him.
Because Taehyun was his best friend. His roommate, his very strictly platonic soulmate. Kai knew the rules. He would not break them.
“Oh my god, you did!!” He cheers his roommate on, always slightly too enthusiastically. But Taehyun’s not great at tone, either, so Kai never hides it.
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Kai grips the envelope in his hand, not daring to open it. The rarest Sana photocard he could find, and its stuck between thin paper and some stamps. He desperately wants to just march into their room and demand answers from Taehyun, but he knows better. Because Taehyun’s not trying to hurt him. He just really loves Twice and gets caught up in it all, and Kai happens to get left behind.
Kai puts the envelope in his pocket, careful not to bend it. He props the door open, carefully taking in the setting. Taehyun’s laid down, half distracted by a notebook in front of him. The Twice content of the hour is fancams- old ones he’s already seen. Kai knows that no matter what, interrupting Twice content is a risk, but older Twice content is a far smaller risk.
He takes a breath, walking fully into the room. “Taehyun, we have to talk.” He states, voice a bit shaky. He gets a grunt in return.
Well, he gave him a chance to listen on his own accord. He had to take things into his own hands.
Kai walks up to the laptop and shuts it.
Taehyun’s big, starry eyes are like daggers when he’s mad.
“Hyuka, what the hell? I was watching fancams!” He exclaims, and even when he’s upset with Kai, he speaks gently. Even when he’s mad, it’s Hyuka, not Huening Kai. He never calls him by his full name. Kai could find it endearing if he wasn’t hurt by it all.
“I’ve been trying to talk to you for weeks, but you’ve been so busy with Twice that you’ve not only ignored all my attempts to have this conversation, but also ignored any attempts at communicating at all!! I just wanna know what I did wrong, Tyun.” And Kai is so visibly distressed at this point, flailing his hands and pacing around the room. He thinks Taehyun might look worried, but he can’t process any of it.
“What? Kai, you didn’t do anything wrong, I swear-” Taehyun’s talking fast, eyes darting around the room and brows knit.
“Well what is it then?!” Kai yells, before realizing his volume. “Do you like Sana more than me?” He adds meekly.
“Kai…” Taehyun’s definitely worried now, Kai notices. He also notices that he must have started tearing up a bit, if the slight hiccupping of his breaths were any indication.
“I’ve been so lonely the past few weeks, Taehyun. And I know that’s how things go during Twice season, and I know you love them, but even when you’ve shut out everyone else in the past, you’ve never shut me out. So I don’t know what I did wrong, but I miss you so much, and I don’t know if I can ever live another day without you talking to me so I am so sorry for whatever it is I did. And I got you this as reparations, because I don’t want to not talk to you anymore.” And Kai is absolutely blubbering at this point, but he stands his ground and places the envelope carefully on the bed.
Kai notices that Taehyun’s eyes look teary too. Taehyun opens his mouth to speak, but Kai shuts him down. “Just open it, please.”
Taehyun does as he’s told, Cautiously tearing the edge of the envelope and pulling out it’s contents. “Hyuka…”
Kai doesn’t look at him. He’s anxious and exhausted and he feels like he’s spiraling and he doesn’t want it to get any worse, so he just shuts his eyes tight, waiting for the moment to be over.
Taehyun gets up off the bed, going to Kai’s side. “Hyuka, look at me,” Taehyun’s gentle, as always, but Kai’s the slightest bit reluctant. He opens his eyes, looking at Taehyun’s hands in front of him. They were still holding the photocard Kai had gifted him, and he didn’t want to raise his face to meet Taehyun’s eyes, but Taehyun seemed to be okay with that, continuing to speak.
“Hyuka, why did you buy this?” He taps his arm twice. A signal they developed long ago- asking to touch. Kai nods, and Taehyun cups his face, brushing away Kai’s tears and ignoring his own.
“I just… wanted you back. I thought if I got you the highest card on your wish list, then maybe you’d talk to me again. I missed you so much, and I love you so much and I was so scared that you didn’t want to be my friend anymore when I just wanna be by your side for the rest of my life and maybe also be… more than just friends, which is fine if you just wanna be friends, I understand that, I just don’t ever want to lose you and I was so scared that was happening.”
Kai did not mean to blurt that all out at once. He can’t gauge Taehyun’s reaction.
Taehyun puts the photocard on the bed, stepping back from Kai a bit. Kai finally looks up- Taehyun’s a bit wide eyed. He thinks he must be shocked, which Kai understands, considering the bomb he just dropped. “Hyuka, I really don’t want to diminish the gravity of this situation, but I kind of thought we were already dating.”
And Kai’s eyes go wider than they’ve ever been. “What? How could you have thought that?!” He’s flabbergasted, the surprise completely washing away his distress.
And Taehyun giggles a little, watery and soft. “You always would call yourself mine, even teasingly, and you’d cuddle up closer to me than anyone else, and we pushed our beds together so we can cuddle when we sleep. And I thought you knew too!! I kiss your forehead every night before bed, we have secret signals that only each other know, like the touch code, and you’re the only one I talk to during Twice season. I kind of thought you were letting me down easy because you kept calling me your best friend over the past few weeks, right when Formula of Love was released you were being super touchy with Soobin, and I just. Thought that was like a really subtle unspoken break up, like how I thought we had a really subtle unspoken getting together. I’m sorry Kai, I never meant to hurt you, but if you want to actually start dating, I think I would really like that.” Taehyun’s smiling so prettily, and he’s looking at Kai like he’s the one with stars in his eyes. Like Kai is the one whose smile lights up a room, when it's him. It’s always been Taehyun, at least to Kai.
And Kai’s so tired from all the confusion that he barely thinks about the words he's saying, what he's doing. “You idiot!!” He shoves Taehyun’s shoulder. “How can someone so smart be so stupid, I swear! How was I supposed to catch on to all that? You know how bad I am with context!’ And it’s playful and light hearted, like they’ve always been. Like they always will be. “Also, I thought the beds and the cuddling and the forehead kisses were a bro thing!!”
Taehyun howls with laughter. “A BRO THING?!!?”
“Hey, in my defense, non-toxically masculine friendships have really confusing vibes!!”
And they laugh. They laugh and crash into each other like asteroids pulled by fate’s twine all over again.
And on the other side of the door, Beomgyu sits with an ear to the wall. The two were being too loud for his taste- he might as well get the gossip if he couldn't tell them to shut up.
Yeonjun walks by him for the fourth time that evening. “Hear anything good yet?” he asks.
“Yeah, they’re in love or whatever. It's kinda cute- OH GROSS, I THINK THEY’RE KISSING!!” And with that, Beomgyu learns to mind his own business and flees the dorm in search of a snack.
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