Chapter Text

It’s fucking freezing.

The streets of Jersey are covered with snow, and Frank doesn’t have gloves. His hoodie barely protects him, and he knows he’ll feel like shit tomorrow morning.

But it’s already too late, and all the shelters in the area are packed, so Frank will have to find somewhere else to sleep tonight. He considers walking a few more blocks, to that abandoned building, but he's too cold to keep going.

‘C’mon, Pencey,’ he calls the lap dog that follows him. Frank isn’t sure if it’s a rat or a dog, but he’s his only companion. Frank found him a couple months ago, when he started following him after he fed him some of his food, and now they’re inseparable.

Frank walks to the alley behind the Mexican restaurant and an apartment building, under the stairwell. If he waits long enough, he knows some of the restaurant staff will come out at some point and offer him and Pencey food. And if he knows exactly where to hide, he knows no one will bother him. At least for tonight.

Frank’s been homeless long enough to know the way to survive is taking it one day at a time. Which shelters to go, and how to avoid the cops. He also knows not to trust everyone, and that sometimes it’s better to be by himself.

He sits under a stairwell, wrapping himself in a blanket he stole from the last shelter he stayed at, his most valuable possession, besides Pencey. He soon starts to fall asleep, knowing he’ll probably freeze to death one of these days, because it’s not enough.

That’s his only way out of this life, and better sooner than later. He doesn’t know how if he can survive another winter. Not without getting super sick, and his immune system finally giving up. It’s a miracle he’s made it this long.

But he doesn’t have the energy to keep fighting.

*

Frank can hear his stomach rumbling. He can’t remember when he last ate, but it’s been days.

His cold is getting worse and worse, and the last thing he wants to do is to get up and look for something to eat, but he knows his dog is hungry too.

He’s been staying in a tent someone left in a parking lot for the last couple days, but he doesn’t want to test his fate, and he knows it’s time to find somewhere else before either the owner of said tent comes back, or worse, the cops.

He sits outside a restaurant, knowing that people hate seeing a dog go hungry, and that at some point, someone will bring food for Pencey. But Pencey’s is usually nice enough to share with Frank. Now that his stomach is full, Frank doesn’t feel as shitty.

It’s hard to find shelter that let him take his dog with him, so he keeps looking for a place to stay the night.

That’s what he does. Surviving. Somehow.

He looks for whatever he can eat, a place to sleep. Plays with his dog to keep himself distracted. And then, he moves to the next place. He doesn’t even know why he keeps going. He’s given up so many times, and for some reason he’s still alive.

He cuddles up in his almost paper thin blanket, hugging his backpack tight, and Pencey sleeping by his feet, trying to get some sleep. Which is hard with his nose stuffed up this bad, and the cold, but it’s not like he has anything else to do.

The next morning, another man sits nearby, though Frank isn’t totally sure he’s dead. ‘You look like shit, dude,’ the man says.

Hopefully not as bad as you, Frank thinks. ‘Thanks.’

‘I think you need some of this,’ the guy says, grinning, clearly high on some shit. Frank’s not sure exactly what, but it’s bad.

Frank’s been there before.

That’s what got him here.

The reason why his parents threw him out of the house when he started stealing from them, and why things got too bad with his ex. The reason he dropped out of college and stopped playing music.

And even when he had lost it all, he still managed to fuck it all up even more. There was a time when he did literally anything to get a bit of coke or whatever they could offer. He almost died of an overdose once, and had no idea why he survived.

But he can’t afford that shit now. Not because he cares about staying sober, or thinks there’s hope of getting out of this miserable life. He knows there’s not. It’s just too expensive, and he’s not sure if he wants to do all that stuff again.

But today, he’s just done with everything. He wants the pain to stop, and he wants to stop thinking about his miserable life. So he nods.

*

Frank sits on the sidewalk, seeing all the Christmas decorations going up, colorful lights illuminating the streets. Christmas trees outside of shops, and people dressed up as Santa Claus. It may be the most capitalist holiday ever, but now that Frank has no money or family, he misses those days.

He misses going to his grandparents’ house and getting spoiled with millions of gifts, and their lasagna. He misses waking up on Christmas morning and finding the gifts under the tree, the innocence of being four and still believing that an old man from the North Pole had got in the chimney to leave presents.

But more than anything, he misses his parents.

And he knows he fucked up big time and he regrets it more than anything.

Now, it’s another year he doesn’t get to sit at their table. Another year he doesn’t have his mom to tell him how much she loves him, or his dad to tell him he’s so proud of him. He wonders if they still remember him, or if they think he died.

Maybe it’s for the best.

His mind is still a little fuzzy, and he’s almost out of the stuff he got. He wishes it would be enough to overdose and finally die. No one will make a fuss about a dead homeless guy. No one will know who he is, and he doubts anyone will remember him. It’d definitely be quicker than waiting for his body to give up on its own.

He’s already drifting off again, unable to move, when he feels a little tug in the hem of his pants, followed by a bark. Pencey.

That little bastard.

‘Yeah, sure,’ Frank says, fighting the tears. ‘Let’s find you something to eat.’

*

‘Name?’ the volunteer at the front desk of the shelter asks in a hurried tone.

The shelter is packed. Families, old people, men and women everywhere. It’s Thanksgiving, so they’re letting everyone in to have a proper meal and a place to stay the night.

 ‘Frank.’ He’s been at this shelter a couple times before. It’s one of the nice ones, where he can keep his dog. He writes his name in the sign-up sheet, and they hand him a plastic bag with goodies. A change of clothes, and some snacks. Plus, a new blanket.

He goes through security, and the officer just looks through his bag for any guns or drugs, which he doesn’t have, and points him to the lockers behind him where he can put away his stuff.

After that, he sits with another volunteer for the intake process. Frank fills out a form, and the guy asks all the standard questions, and whether he needs anything. ‘You need medical assistance?’ he asks when Frank starts coughing.

‘It’s just a cold, nothing serious.’

‘We have a volunteer doctor helping us today. You should at least stop by for a checkup, maybe he can give you something.’

Frank nods, and the guy writes his name down on a list.

‘Fine,’ the volunteer says. ‘You’ll get bed C, cubicle 15, in the men’s hallway. You have a right to your bed for the next 2 weeks.’ He reads the rules out of a piece of paper, though Frank already knows them, and tells him he can grab anything from the donation boxes at the end of the hallway before he leaves. ‘Welcome to Monroeville Home.’

He finds another blanket, and a couple books to entertain himself during his stay, and wrapped up in his new blanket, he walks to the cafeteria. He gets himself a plate, and finds a seat. He gives Pencey some of his chicken, and smiles, already feeling better.

He can’t remember when was the last time he ate, but it feels amazing. It’s spaghetti with meatballs and a salad. There was a time when Frank was vegetarian, because his stomach couldn’t take a lot of food, but now he doesn’t have the luxury to be picky about it, and eats the whole thing in a couple minutes.

The line to see the doctor is long, so he sits down, Pencey on his lap, and starts reading one of the books he found. It’s one of the things he loves doing the most, but that he can’t do anymore. Books are a luxury with his lifestyle. He could find some here and there, but carrying them around isn’t practical. So, he’s enjoying it.

‘Frank – Iero?’ a voice calls him, interrupting his reading, and totally butchering his last name. Not that he cares, though. When he looks up, he sees a young guy, not much older than him, in a white coat standing outside the clinic. He has messy, raven black hair, and he’s wearing a jean jacket under his white coat. And he’s fucking gorgeous.

Frank doesn’t say anything. He just gets up, just as a girl offers to take Pencey with her. He doesn’t have time to reply, as the hot doctor tells him to follow him inside.

It’s just the standard doctor’s office, and Frank takes a seat in the examination table, as Dr. Cute checks his files. ‘So – it says here you have a cold?’ the doctor asks, even though it’s obvious just by looking at him, and how he’s been coughing the whole time.

Frank wants to make a snarky comment about the absurdity of his comment, but nothing comes out, and he just nods.

‘It seems like a common cold, but I’m gonna just do a general checkup, and I’ll give you something for it.’ Frank nods, thankful that he found the shelter, and that he got to meet Dr. McHotty, who is also really kind. He stays silent, while the doctor takes his vitals, checks his pupils, and his temperature, stealing glances of him when possible.

‘You know where they took my dog?’ is all Frank asks, his voice congested.

The doctor just smiles at him. ‘Don’t worry. We have a kennel, and someone to take care of your dog while you’re in here.’ Frank nods again. For some reason – besides the fact that he’s hot –, Frank trusts this doctor. ‘So – you have a fever,’ he says. ‘I’ll give you some antibiotics, and run some tests to see if it’s pneumonia.’

‘But I don’t have money for –’

The doctor interrupts him. ‘It’s on us. You don’t have to worry about any of that.’ He presses the stethoscope against Frank’s chest, who tries to calm down before the doctor notices how nervous he is. Then, he gives him a plastic tube, and tells him to spit on it, so they can take it for some tests.

‘Okay,’ Frank says, holding tight to his blanket and avoiding eye contact. The doctor comes back with a plastic cup of water and a bottle of pills and gives two to Frank.

‘Well, you’re ready to go,’ the doctor says. ‘I’ll call the office if I see the results are serious, and try to be back tomorrow. But I wouldn’t worry about it. Just let the staff know if it gets worse, okay?’ Frank nods, getting up. ‘I like your shirt, by the way,’ he says, pointing to his Misfits shirt.

Frank smiles, his face already hot from the fever, and he’s glad the doctor doesn’t see him as he walks out of the clinic.

He’s then taken to the men’s hallway – once he gets Pencey back – and show him to his bed. ‘Here,’ the volunteer guy says as the enter one of the cubicles at the very end, and points to one of the two beds there. There’s some storage space under the bed, in case he needs it, and he gets a night table and outlets in case he needs to charge his devices – which he doesn’t have. The volunteer asks if he has any questions, to which Frank says he doesn’t, and then leaves.

Frank sits on the bed with Pencey, looking around. The mattress is thin, but definitely more comfortable than the cold concrete. They’re not hungry for the first time in weeks, and it’s warm in here. ‘C’mon, buddy. Let’s get some sleep,’ he says to the dog, lying down under his blanket. He knows soon he’ll be back in the streets, but for now, he allows himself some hope.

*

Frank feels a lot better by the morning.

Though, he doesn’t want to get up, and stays in bed a little longer, just enjoying the fact that he has a bed. It’s only when Pencey barks at him that he gets up to take him out to go potty, and then, they go to the cafeteria.

He also takes a much needed shower, putting on the fresh clean clothes they gave him the night before. It’s sweatpants and a sweater, and they’re awful, but at least they’re clean.

Days at the shelter are usually long and boring, but at least he’s warm, he reminds himself. So, he and Pencey spend most of the day in bed, resting as Frank starts to feel better, and just getting up to eat.

The man who sleeps on the other bed in his cubicle is older, probably in his sixties, and Frank can’t help wondering if this is how he’s going to end up, if he ever makes it that far. But at least, the man is gone for most of the day, and only comes back before bedtime.

With nothing to do, he spends the next couple days reading the books he got, and sleeping. They have a TV room in the back, where some people usually hang out, but there’s always fights, and he doesn’t want to be a part of that. So it’s just him and Pencey.

After lunch, he sits in the corridor by the entrance to read. He already finished one book, so he’s ready for the next. It’s one of the small pleasures he misses the most. Reading.

When he first became homeless, he used to spend a lot of his time at the local library, just reading, and keeping himself safe from the weather. But soon, he started to smell, and his clothes were dirty, and they wouldn’t let him come in. And after a while, it didn’t really matter. He had other things to worry about.

So, right now, he just sits in silence, with a cup of stale coffee from the cafeteria, and reads his book, losing himself completely in it.

‘Good Omens?’ someone asks. It’s the hot doctor from the other day.

And he’s standing next to Frank, looking at him and his book.

Obviously, Frank doesn’t know what to say, or how to react, or how to even breath. He does his best attempt at a nod, but he’s sure he just embarrassed himself in front of a hot guy. A hot guy that’s so out of his league, it’s stupid to even feel bad about it, but still.

‘I heard it’s good,’ Hot Guy says.

‘I just started it,’ Frank saying, aware of how bad his voice is shaking. ‘But yeah.’

The doctor starts to walk away, but then turns back to Frank. ‘Oh,’ he says, and Frank notices the Star Wars pins on his messenger bag. ‘I forgot to call yesterday, but – you’re clear. Your test came out negative. But I guess you knew since you already seem to be feeling better.’

Frank smiles, even though he kinda suspected that. But it’s nice hearing it from him. it’s nice having some good news, and talking to someone nice, and feeling good for once. He stores that warm feeling somewhere inside his heart for later. It’s the little things. ‘Thank you,’ he says, holding in the tears.

‘Is that the famous dog?’

Frank nods, smiling. He remembered Frank mentioned a dog, and now Frank is blushing. ‘Yeah. His name’s Pencey.’

‘I like it.’ And Frank likes his cute smile, but he stops himself before he says it.

‘Well – I gotta go. But I’m glad you’re doing better.’ There’s a pause, and then he walks down the hallway, and Frank just sees him leave, wishing things were different.

‘C’mon, Pencey,’ he says to his dog, trying not to think too much about it. ‘Let’s go for a walk.’

*

Days go by too slowly, and it’s just getting colder and colder.

And Frank’s time in the shelter is almost up. Unless –

‘Where do you see yourself in six months?’ the lady asks again. He’s talking to a case worker to find him temporary housing. He’d stay at a group home, get in a rehab program, and they’d help him find a job. But he’s not sure he wants it.

He’s been there before. He tried once.

And he fucked up.

That’s what he does.

He relapsed not even a week after getting into a group home, a couple years ago. He doesn’t want to waste their time, or their money on him. He’s doing good on his own. He’ll find a way.

‘Frank?’ the lady asks again.

He shrugs. ‘I don’t know.’ Does she want him to be honest? Or is she expecting a specific answer for him? Because the truth is, he’ll probably be dead in six months. Either from the weather, or an accident, starving, or drugs. He knows it’ll happen. But she won’t like that answer. So, he just says, ‘I don’t have a plan.’

The case worker stays quiet, clearly not happy with Frank’s answer. ‘We just want to help you,’ she says. ‘You’re young, you still have time to change your path –’

But Frank interrupts her. ‘I’m not a charity case, okay?’

He knows she means well, just like everyone else here. But he also know  that people like to help people like him to feel better about themselves, not because they care about them. Something about helping the less fortunate makes them feel like they’re better than the rest, because they have the means to do it. That’s what irks him.

He doesn’t need their pity. He can make it on his own. If he needs help, he’ll ask for it, but HE. DOES. NOT. NEED. CHARITY.

‘This isn’t –’

Frank interrupts again. This time, his tone is bitter. ‘I’m okay.’

And that’s it. He gets up and leaves the room.

He gets Pencey from the kennels, grabs his stuff from the locker, and goes to his room to pack the rest of his stuff in a plastic bag, then he just leaves.

He doesn’t plan on coming back at the end of the day, or ever. He’ll manage.

The first couple days back in the street are the worst. It’s freezing, and Frank doesn’t have a place to stay the night, other than the cold sidewalks covered in snow. And even with all of his blankets, it’s not enough.

He’s aware that he’d be a lot better if he’d go to the transitional house they offered him, but his pride is too big.

He makes friends with an older woman who feeds Pencey some of her bread. ‘You’re too young to be out here, hun,’ she says. ‘Don’t be like me.’

But what’s the point, Frank thinks.

That night, it gets so cold frank can’t feel his feet anymore, and his back hurts. He can’t walk anymore, so he sits on the alleyway, and lies down behind a box, covered in his blankets, and with Pencey by his side. The city is still awake, loud and bright. Just a block away, bars and clubs fill the streets. He can hear cop cars and loud music.

He imagines a life where nothing went wrong. Where he’s still in a band, playing music, he has his own apartment, and maybe a boyfriend. He has a job and a fridge full of food. A couple dogs. A life where he’s walking these streets going to a bar with friends, and where he’ll spend Christmas with his family.

And with that thought, he falls asleep.

*

He hears laughs and screams, people running, and then Pencey barking.

Just as he starts to wake up and make sense of what’s happening, there’s a stab.

And a lot of pain.

Frank reaches for the side of his stomach, where the pain is coming from, and his hands are now covered in blood. Lots of it.

His vision starts to get blurry, and just then he hears Pencey barking again, but now it sounds far away. He never leaves his side, he’s an old dog who can barely walk. Frank tries to sit up, pressing a hand against the wound, and looks around, and sees two older homeless men, one of them carrying his dog. ‘Give me my dog!’ he tries to yell, but it hurts too much, and he just starts crying. ‘He’s mine.’

He sobs in pain, bleeding. ‘Fuck,’ he cries, knowing no one will find him, or care about him dying. That no one would remember him. And he just gives up. He just lost the only thing that kept him going, the one reason to get up. There’s no point now.

***

After a fourteen hour shift, Gerard is finally off.

He’s ready to take the train back home, and sleep for a whole day until his next shift. He grabs a cigarette from his messenger bag, and lights it as he walks down the street. It must be like two in the morning, and he still hears music blasting from inside a club. He misses that.

Having fun.

Doing something other than working, and sleeping whenever he had time. Maybe once he finishes his residency, and he has more free time, he can probably treat himself to go out with friends. Not that he has any.

Gone are the days where he’d hang out with Mikey and Jon, and they’d play D&D, or talk about comic books. Fuck, he hasn’t even read a comic book in ages. Maybe he’ll stop by the store later, after he gets some sleep.

He takes a shortcut, and turns right on the alleyway, dropping the last of his cigarette, when he hears something. Someone crying softly, moaning in pain. And just steps away, there’s a homeless man sitting against the wall.

‘Fuck,’ Gerard says audibly, as he gets closer. He wonders if it’s too late to call someone from the shelter to take him in, and wishes he had a car to take the guy himself. But then, he notices there’s blood.

The guy seems to be half unconscious, his hand pressing on his stomach, his sweater all covered in red hot liquid.

‘Hey, hey –,’ Gerard says, kneeling next to him to check. ‘Fuck.’

The guy mumbles something that Gerard doesn’t understand, and it’s until then that he recognizes him. It’s the guy from the shelter, the one wearing the Misfits shirt that was reading in the hall. ‘They –,’ he tries to say again, slowly. ‘They took my dog.’ And then he starts crying.

He crumbles down in Gerard’s arms, and Gerard lets him. He needs to go to the hospital. Gerard might be a doctor, but there’s not much he can do here. Besides, it’s fucking cold out here, and he’ll get frostbite.

Somehow, Gerard manages to get his phone from his pocket, and flips it open. ‘Stay with me,’ he says to the guy, waiting for them to answer. ‘Kate? Yeah, it’s Gee –’ He wraps the young man in the blankets, though it’s not doing much, and holds him closer. ‘I need your help – yeah, I know – I’m at 5^th and Main. Oh, and bring the ambulance.’

He hangs up, cursing himself.

‘Just –’ the young man in his arms says, mumbling between teeth. ‘Let – me – die.’

But he can’t just let him die.

*

‘I owe you big time,’ he says, as a young paramedic walks down the alley. His voice is shaky from the cold, and he hasn’t let go of the young homeless guy.

‘What the hell, Way?’ she says.

‘He’s hurt. I think someone stabbed him – we can’t leave him here.’ His friend just rolls her eyes, knowing him well enough by now. He’s known for doing volunteer work, and helping others. This isn’t surprising.

‘Fine.’

So, he carries him to the ambulance, and helps the paramedic to get him in the stretcher. They guy keeps mumbling nonsense, crying, and he doesn’t let go of Gerard’s hand. ‘We’re taking you to the hospital, okay?’ Gerard says, his eyes already wet. He doesn’t know much about him, but he can’t imagine the things he’s gone through. ‘You’re going to be okay.’

‘But I just want my dog,’ he cries.

‘I know. And I’m sorry.’ He stays in the back with him, and just a couple minutes later, they make it to the same hospital where Gerard works. As soon as Kate pulls up, he pushes the stretcher into the emergency room.

Dr. Jonah and her residents approach, and Gerard starts giving them the basics. ‘Male. In his early twenties. Was found stabbed, and shows signs of hypothermia –’

They take him to the emergency ward, but Dr. Jonah stops Gerard before he follows them. ‘Didn’t you just leave?’ she asks.

‘Yeah, I was on my way home, when –’ He doesn’t notice his voice getting louder as he talks, worried about him, but the other doctor stops him.

‘You found him?’

He nods, and Dr. Jonah can see the tears in his eyes. ‘Honey, you have a heart too big for this world.’ She takes his hands and hugs him. ‘You must be tired. Go home, and have some sleep.’

‘But I wanna check on him.’

‘I’ll call you with any news, okay?’

Gerard just nods, resigned. He just wants him to be okay.

*

‘Gerard?’

He struggles to open his eyes, and sits up. He doesn’t even remember falling asleep, especially when the chairs in the waiting room are so uncomfortable.

Dr. Jonah is standing in front of him, her expression unreadable. ‘I thought you went home. You could’ve at least gone to the room upstairs to be more comfortable.’

He just shakes his head. ‘How is he?’

‘He’s fine. He just woke up. I thought you might want to come see him.’

So he follows her inside, and into the hallway to the room where they have him. He’s lying in bed, under heated blankets, connected to a monitor. He still looks a little blue. ‘Hi,’ Gerard says, standing by the bed.

The guy opens his eyes, still a little weak, and sees him there, and smiles at him. ‘Are you my angel or something?’ he asks in a groggily voice.

Gerard can’t help smiling. He sits next to him, trying not to cry. He doesn’t even know why he’s crying. It just pains him to see someone so young going through all of this. ‘It’s Frank, right?’ he asks.

Frank nods, a shy smile on his face. He looks high as hell on meds. The nurse mentioned they gave him something for the pain. ‘Hi, doc,’ he says.

‘You can call me Gerard.’

‘Hi, Gerard.’

He knows it’s the fact that he’s heavily medicated that makes him smile at him like that, but he looks too adorable.

‘You’re feeling okay?’

Frank shrugs.

‘You’re on pain medication,’ Gerard explains. ‘Luckily, they didn’t reach any organs, but there was a lot blood loss, and your body isn’t the strongest now. So, it might take some time to heal.’

‘What about –?’

Gerard knows what he’s trying to ask, just by his worried face. ‘Don’t worry about it. We’ll figure something out.’ That means, Gerard will be the one worrying about it.

There’s a long silence, neither of them finding the words to say. Gerard is just glad that Frank made it. He tries to ask if he needs something, but Frank is already dozing off again, so he decides to let him rest and check on him later, when he’s back for his next shift.

‘It’s really sweet,’ Dr. Jonah says, standing by Gerard. ‘Seeing how much you care about him.’

He nods, though the realization catches him off guard. He really cares about Frank, does he? And people can see it. He can’t even understand why he’s so special, and why every time Gerard sees him, there’s a warm feeling inside, tugging at his heartstrings.

He guesses he just wants to see Frank having a better life.

He hates him getting stabbed and freezing to death, and he doesn’t know how he can help him, but he’s sure his grandmother would have done the same.

‘I’ll take care of him,’ Dr. Jonah tells him, interrupting his thoughts. ‘Now you go and get some rest before your next shift.’

‘Okay.’

He trusts her, and there’s nothing else for him to do, so he leaves Frank in good hands. Plus, he’s too tired. ‘Just call me if –,’ he says.

‘Just go.’

***

Frank wishes he had died.

That would have made things a lot easier.

At least he wouldn't have to be miserable.

He just lost the only thing that kept him alive, and now there’s nothing else holding him back here. No reason to keep going.

And then – Gerard saved him.

He appeared out of nowhere, and found him in the alley, almost dead. Out of everyone in Jersey who could have been walking down the same alley, it had to be him, the kind doctor with the cute smile.

And he saved his life.

But why?

Why save him and take him to the hospital? As if he’s worth saving. Even though he’s a complete stranger, and Frank isn’t at the shelter anymore so Gerard doesn’t have to help him anymore. So, why does he care? Is he one of those people who actually likes to help others? But, why him?

Frank just doesn’t see the point of staying alive on his own. Now that he doesn’t have Pencey, he has nothing.

‘How are you feeling?’ a nurse asks.

He shrugs, not in the mood to answer, or be alive.

‘Does it hurt?’

Frank shakes his head. He’s already on so much pain medication, he doesn’t feel anything anymore. But the physical pain isn’t as bad as how he feels inside. He goes in and out of sleep for the next day, and every time he wakes up, there’s a nurse asking how he’s doing. He doesn’t want any of this.

He considers pulling the tubes out and walking out, but he can barely move, so that’s that.

The next time he opens his eyes, Gerard is there, sitting by his side. How long has he been here? ‘Hey,’ Gerard greets him when he realizes Frank woke up.

Frank’s mouth is dry, and his brain doesn’t make any sense. He just wanted to die, and now he’s in a hospital bed, hurt and alive. And there’s this sweet guy looking at him like Frank is worth saving.

‘Feeling better?’ Gerard asks, and all Frank can do is nod, because he doesn’t want him to feel bad, and like it was all for nothing. ‘Good.’ There it is, that cute smile, and now Frank is smiling too. ‘Look, I’m supposed to be working now, but I’ll be checking on you as much as possible, okay?’

Which he does.

Over the next day or two, Gerard stops by at least three times, asks Frank how he’s doing and whether he needs anything. By the third time, Frank can finally eat, so Gerard brings him some jello, and apple sauce. Frank wants to tell him that he doesn’t have to do any of it, but he looks so worried about him, so he lets him. ‘So –’ Gerard starts, a little bit too excited. ‘Dr. Jonah tells me you’re doing a lot better. Your body temperature is back to normal, your vital signs improved, and the wound is healing nicely.’ Frank nods, not sure what else to say. ‘Aren’t you excited to get out of here?’

And because Frank is exhausted, exhausted of existing and dealing with shit, he just says it. ‘Excited for what?’

He sounds angry, and tired, and so done with everything. He doesn’t care if he hurts Gerard’s feelings, or if someone hears him. He doesn’t care anymore. ‘I have nothing!’

And that’s it, he’s in tears, and everyone is looking at him, and now Gerard knows all his efforts were worthless.

‘But, Frank –’

‘No, you don’t get it! You have a nice job, probably a nice place, and a family. You don’t have to worry about surviving, or how cold it gets outside, because you just go home, or wear a jacket. I have nothing!’ He pauses. ‘You should had let me die.’

***

That hurt.

Gerard regrets saying that, and didn’t think about it until it was too late. He’s stupid, and he fucked up.

And the worst thing is Frank didn’t even let him apologize and just told him to fuck off. And he understands. He understands why Frank’s so mad, and how bad he fucked up. But Gerard is just trying to help.

For the rest of his shift, all he can think about is Frank telling him that he should have let him die in the alley, the rage in his voice. And Gerard wants to fix that.

‘Mr. Way –’ Dr. Jonah calls him when they run into each other. ‘What happened to your friend? They paged me saying some of the other patients heard him screaming.’

‘Oh.’ Fuck. ‘I’m sorry, that was my fault. We were talking, and – it won’t happen again. I promise.’

‘Can you not disrupt my patients?’

She stops by the desk to pick up some files, and Gerard has somewhere else to be, but before he leaves, he turns to her. ‘Oh, by the way – I’ll pay for his stay. I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I’ll pay.’

She interrupts him. ‘Don’t worry about that. He won’t be charged.’ She pats his back. ‘Maybe you’re not the only one with a charitable heart in this place.’

But if he has such a good heart, why does he keep fucking up?

Now he feels like a complete piece of shit, so the only thing that can help is some of his mom’s food. So, instead of taking the train back to his apartment, he calls his brother Mikey to pick him up. ‘Good lord,’ Mikey says as soon as Gerard gets in the car. ‘Finally! I’ve been waiting for fifteen minutes, and it’s freezing!’

‘You haven’t fixed the heater?’

‘It’s either the heater, or Christmas gifts.’

Gerard lights himself a cigarette. ‘Well, now I know what to get you, then.’ They go on and on, talking about the albums they’ve got in the past week, and Mikey’s date with his coworker. This is exactly what Gerard needed.

‘I’m glad you deign to finally come have dinner,’ Mikey tells him as they’re pulling up in the driveway. ‘Your mother was about to adopt yet another cat if you didn’t come visit her.’

‘It’s barely been two weeks since the last time, and I was working! I thought she’d be happy that her son is a doctor!’

‘Just don’t complain when she has a full cat rescue down in the basement next time you come.’ Gerard just laughs, and follows his brother inside the house. He missed this. Having dinner with his family, joking around, and complaining about everything. Smoking in the kitchen, having discussions about reality TV shows. He had only moved out to his own apartment because he could. Now he has a job that gives him enough to pay for his own place, and he can have more privacy and more space for comics and action figures. But he misses this.

They’re eating apple pie, while watching a Christmas movie, one of his mom’s cats sitting on Gerard’s lap, when he gets a text from Dr. Jonah. Frank is being discharged in the morning.

***

Frank’s finally leaving the hospital.

Except he doesn’t have anywhere else to go.

He doesn’t even have any clothes to wear now, because his were all covered in blood. Dr. Jonah said she’d get something for him, and would get a social worker to help him find a place to live. After the nurse comes to change the bandages, she explains how to do it himself so it doesn’t get infected, and just then, someone comes in the room.

Gerard.

‘Hi,’ he greets with his cute smile and his dumb haircut, and Frank can’t stay mad at him. He knows that Gerard means well, and that he was just trying to help. That he doesn’t know how hard it is, and that all of this is just making things worse for him. He just has to give up on him at some point. ‘I brought you something,’ Gerard says, handing him a plastic bag.

Frank takes it, and inside, there’s a pair of jeans and a shirt, as well as a bag of underwear. All brand new. Is this his way of apologizing?

‘I didn’t know your size, but I hope they fit.’

‘Thank you,’ Frank says, avoiding eye contact. He’s not good at this. He doesn’t know what to say, but at least the nurse is nice enough to get the hint, and leaves the room, leaving them alone. ‘I’m sorry for yelling at you. I didn’t –’

‘No. I get it. It’d be pissed off, too.’ Gerard steps closer, standing in front of him. ‘I’m sorry for being a dumbass.’

Frank can’t help smiling, and neither of them say a word for a minute. Yet, it doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. And Frank can’t quite explain it. ‘Look, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine, okay? I can handle myself.’

‘Okay,’ Gerard says. Another long silence follows, and then, he just asks, ‘Are you hungry? Let me at least buy you breakfast.’

‘Fine,’ Frank replies, because he is starving, and if buying him food is going to make Gerard feel better and leave him alone, he’ll take it. ‘Now, get out, and let me change.’

Frank reminds himself not to get excited, this is just him trying to be nice, and nothing else.

And when Gerard lends him his jacket, he reminds himself again. He just got out of the hospital, Gerard doesn’t want him to get sick again. ‘Let me know if you’re cold,’ Gerard says when they get in the car, to which Frank just laughs. ‘It’s my brother’s car, and his heater doesn’t work.’

‘I’m fine, dude!’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes!’ The more Frank gets to know Gerard, the deeper he falls.

He drives them to a diner just a few blocks away, and Frank remembers sleeping in the alley behind not long ago, and tries not to think about going back to that life. He follows Gerard inside, and they sit in one of the booths in the back. ‘Order whatever you want,’ Gerard tells him, reading from the menu.

So Frank does. He gets the biggest stack of pancakes they have, with a side of eggs and bacon, and a large chocolate shake.

Who knows when will be the next time he’ll have something to eat, so he wants to have something that will last him. And this way, he doesn’t have to talk.

He listens to Gerard telling him about him working there when he was in med school, and that they have the best egg white muffin, so he orders one for Frank so he can try it.

‘Thank you,’ he says, finally speaking up. He doesn’t even have the guts to look at him in the eye. ‘For everything.’

‘Anytime.’

When Frank finally looks up, Gerard is smiling at him, his cheeks red, and he wishes he wasn’t in this situation, and that he was good enough for Gerard. He hasn’t showered in days, he probably smells like trash, has no money, no future, nothing. And Gerard is a fucking doctor!

He feels stupid for even thinking about it.

‘I mean it,’ Frank continues, trying not to think about it too much. ‘You didn’t have to do any of this.’

‘I know,’ Gerard replies shyly. ‘But I wanted to.’

‘Why?’ The question comes out too fast and sharp, catching both men by surprise.

‘I don’t know. Because you deserve a better life. I couldn’t stand seeing you there, hurt and freezing to death. I needed to do something.’

Frank is trying really hard not to cry, but it’s pointless. ‘You’re too good to be true, you know?’

That makes Gerard smile. ‘Nah, I’m just doing my best to help others.’

‘You saved my life,’ Frank says, his voice braking in the process.

‘I’m glad I did.’

After maybe another hour of just talking – apparently, Gerard has a younger brother named Mikey, who works at the mall, and he always has the funniest stories –, they finally leave the diner. ‘So,’ Gerard starts as they walk back to the car, sounding nervous. ‘I don’t know if you want me to drop you off somewhere, or we can find a group home if you want –’

‘You don’t have to,’ Frank interrupts.

‘But I want to.’

Frank can’t help smiling.

Then, Gerard says, ‘I was thinking – if you don’t have somewhere else to be you want to stay, my mom has an extra room, and extra food all the time –’

‘I –’ Frank doesn’t know what to say. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Yes. I already asked her, and she’d be more than happy to let you stay.’

That’s it. Frank just starts sobbing, hiding his face behind his hands, and just letting it out. No one has ever been this kind to him, and it’s just too much. At some point, he feels Gerard’s arms around him, so he hugs him back. ‘Thank you.’

*

It turns out Gerard’s mom is just as nice as him, as well as his dad and brother.

Donna welcomes him with a hug, and has a pile of Gerard’s old clothes for him. ‘You can stay as long as you want, honey,’ she tells him. ‘I might as well need a new son now that Gee never visits.’

Frank blushes at the comment. ‘Thank you, ma’am.’ He can’t help thinking about his own family, his own mom, thinking he’s dead, and wishing he could go see them. But he’s not ready.

‘Let me show you your new room,’ Gerard interrupts his thoughts, which he’s thankful for. They go downstairs to the basement, to what apparently used to be Gerard’s room. There are still some Star Wars and Dawn of the Dead posters on the walls.

‘So you were one of those nerds?’ Frank jokes, not sure what to say.

‘Were? Still am.’

And Frank has this urge to lean in and kiss him, but has to stop himself. Not only he’s gross right now, but he knows Gerard would never be into someone like him. So, he tucks his hands in his pockets, and looks down at his shoes, as if to lock himself in place. ‘Thank you,’ he says, almost in a whisper.

‘Of course.’ Gerard pauses, probably noticing how awkward it got. ‘I probably won’t be here a lot, since you know – work. But I’ll stop by as often as possible, and I’m sure you’re in good hands.’

‘Your family is great.’

‘They are.’

They go quiet again, and Frank can’t take it. ‘Can I use your bathroom?’ he asks. ‘I really need a shower.’

‘Oh, sure!’ He shows him where it is, and where to get towels, or anything he needs. ‘I’ll be upstairs, if you need me – not that you need me – I’ll just go.’

Frank just giggles. The kind that you feel in your stomach, and your whole body, and that just feels good. And realizes that for the first time in ages, it feels like things are looking up.

*

Frank hasn’t slept this good in ages.

Maybe it has to do with sleeping in a real bed, or having a roof over his head, or an entire family looking after him. Whatever it is, he’s thankful for everything. The minute he wakes up, he takes it all in, not sure how his luck changed.

Except he knows.

It was the moment he met Gerard.

He wakes up to fresh coffee, scrambled eggs, and fruit. Donna serves him breakfast, and tells him about her church group, and the party they’re organizing. She says she has to finish up the decorations for said party, and has to do other shopping, and asks if he wants to come with her. And he says yes, because he has nothing else to do, and it’s the least he can do now that he’s living at her house.

She has three cats – Queen, Toto and Raven –, and all of them seem to like Frank, cuddling with him and sleeping by his side. And it’s making him miss Pencey. ‘You like cats?’ Donna asks him, seeing him snuggle with them.

‘I’m more of a dog person, but they’re cool.’ That makes Mrs. Way smile, and Frank can see the same sparkle that Gerard has. ‘I had a dog, but someone took him.’

‘Oh, honey! I’m sorry!’ And he just does his best not to cry.

He helps decorating the sets for her Christmas party, and by dinner time, both Mikey and Mr. Way are back from work, and they all sit down to eat. He stays quiet, and just listens to them talk. Gerard was right, Mikey always has the best stories about his customers, including impressions and all. He’s just as nerdy as Gerard, and he asks Frank if he wants to play some video games, so Frank accepts.

Frank likes that Mikey is so quiet most of the time, so they don’t need to talk.

Gerard comes to visit days later, and brings coffee for everyone. He also got a couple books for Frank. ‘I hope you like them,’ he says, and Frank hugs him tight, having no words to thank him. ‘How are you?’ he asks, pointing at his stomach.

‘Better. It doesn’t really hurt anymore.’ He’s lying, though. But he doesn’t want Gerard to worry about him.

He sits with the Way brothers to watch a movie, a little jealous, seeing them get along so well, and joking around, wishing he had a sibling. Though, Frank can barely pay attention when Gerard is there, glowing.

Dinner is served, and Donna jokes that now that Frank is there, Gerard visits more, so she thanks him. They talk about their traditions, and Frank is starting to open up a little bit more, and tells them about Christmas at his grandparents’ house, and jamming with them.

‘You play any instruments?’ Mikey asks.

‘Yeah. Guitar,’ he replies. ‘I used to be in a band, actually.’

‘That’s so cool!’

Frank smiles, even though that brings a lot of bad memories. But he misses that, and it’s been a while since he talked about that life. Then, Donna turns to him, excited. ‘Frankie! You should sing with my group for the party!’

He tries to protest, but none of them will have it, and keep insisting. And when Gerard seems so excited, and after everything he and his family have done, how can he say no? ‘Fine!’ he finally accepts.

***

Christmas is only ten days away, and Gerard still needs to buy gifts for his family.

Between volunteering, and helping Frank settle down, he’s barely had time to do any shopping. He still has no idea if he’ll get Christmas day off, but it’s an important day for his family, so he hopes he can at least see them.

He’s never been one to care about gifts, but now that he has a good job, and does well, he wants to get the best for his family. He gets Mikey the bass they were talking about just days ago, plus a few albums he might like. He buys his dad a laptop, and a faux fur coat for his mom, plus some toys for her cats.

Now, Frank.

He knows he needs clothes more than anything. Maybe a phone, or more books. But he has a better idea.

When he finally makes it to his folks’ house, just before dinner time, he finds his brother asleep on the couch, still with his work uniform on. ‘Where is everyone?’ he asks.

‘Mom and dad went to visit Aunt Karen,’ Mikey mumbles in his sleep. ‘Frank is downstairs.’

So, Gerard goes down to the basement. ‘Hey!’

He finds Frank sitting on the bed, only the dim light from the lamp in the corner illuminating the room. Frank looks up from his book, and smiles at him. ‘Hi!’ Gerard knows they don’t know each other very well, and maybe it’s taking him time to feel more comfortable around him, or maybe Frank is this quiet, but Gerard thinks it’s adorable. And he gets it.

‘Can I?’ he asks. When Frank gives him an approving nod, he sits next to him. ‘How are you feeling?’

Frank smiles, blushing. ‘Good.’ Then, he pauses. ‘You know how weird that is?’

‘I’m glad.’

‘Your mom got me a suit for the Christmas party.’ Gerard can’t help smiling at him. ‘Seriously, dude. Your family is the best. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you guys enough for everything.’

‘We’re glad to have you here.’ And he has to stop himself before leaning in and kissing him. The last thing he wants is Frank thinking this is just his plan to get him. It’s not. He wasn’t expecting any of this. The butterflies in his stomach every time he sees him smile, or how he thinks about him all day at work, and can’t wait to go see him.

At first, he thought he was just worried about Frank. Concerned about his well being, and trying to find ways to help him out. But the more he spends time with him, the more he wants to hold him and make sure nothing bad ever happens.

And he knows that Frank will probably never see him that way, so he’s just happy to do whatever he can until he’s back on his feet.

He’s so caught on his own brain, trying to figure out his own feelings, that he doesn’t hear Frank talking. ‘I miss them sometimes, you know? My family.’ Gerard only hears that last part, and his heart breaks. ‘I’m sure they probably think I’m dead by now, and most likely, they don’t even miss me.’

‘Why would you say that?’ Gerard is careful with his words. He doesn’t want to make Frank feel bad, or overstep too much.

‘Because I fucked up.’ Gerard doesn’t say anything, he just listens. ‘I was doing so well. I got a full scholarship to Rutgers, and was even playing in a band. But, you know. Doing shows and hanging out with other bands, I started joining the wrong crowds. And it wasn’t just pot anymore. They offer you something, and you want to fit in, and then I couldn’t control it anymore.’ He’s staring at the wall in front of them, struggling to let the words out without breaking down. Gerard can tell it’s hard, and he wants to hug him so bad. ‘The band broke up, I dropped out of college, and I started stealing from my parents.’

Gerard can’t help asking, ‘Is that why they kicked you out?’

Frank shakes his head. ‘They didn’t kick me out.’ That’s when he finally makes eye contact, his hazel eyes wet in tears. ‘They tried to help me. They had an intervention and all, tried to get me to rehab. But I couldn’t do it, so I took my stuff and left.’ He pauses, wiping off his face. ‘I moved in with some friends, people I knew would support me – and get me drugs. But when I couldn’t pay them, they kicked me out. And that was it.’

‘For how long –’

‘Three years?’ Frank replies before he finishes the question. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Oh, Frankie.’ Gerard just puts his arms around him and lets him cry on his shoulder, let it all out. ‘You’re not alone anymore, Frankie. We’re your family now, okay?’

‘Okay.’ Frank doesn’t let him go, holding him tight, as if he’ll break if he lets go. And they stay like that for a bit longer, until Frank starts to calm down.

And it’s not helping Gerard to have him in his arms like this. He’s only falling harder and harder and he knows it’ll be painful. But right now, he doesn’t mind it. He just wants Frank to feel better. ‘You want to watch a movie?’ he asks in an attempt to cheer him up.

Frank nods against his shoulder, which makes him smile. They go through Mikey’s collection, and choose an old zombie movie – apparently, they have the same taste –, and sit on the bed to watch it. Though, Frank falls asleep not long after it starts, an arm around Gerard, who now knows it’s too late.

***

‘You look stunning, Frankie!’ Donna says, standing behind him as he ties his tie in front of the mirror. He’s been living with the Ways for a little over a week now, and she already treats him like another one of her sons. So much that she went and bought him a suit for the Christmas party. And even though he’s not so sure about it, he’s thankful for her, and if this makes her happy, he’ll wear the damn suit. It’s all black, on top of a gray shirt. ‘Look at you! You’ll get all the girls looking like this!’

If she only knew, he thinks, letting out a chuckle. ‘I don’t know about that.’

‘Thank you for helping me, honey,’ she says, coming for a hug. They’re a family of huggers, and after all this time, Frank is still getting used to physical touch.

‘Of course. You’re letting me live in your home. This is the least I can do.’

‘Oh, you’re part of the family already.’

It’s still a little weird to realize that he’s no longer homeless. That he has a place to live, people who want him there, and that take care of him. That he doesn’t have to look for a place to sleep every night, or find something to eat.

And he knows he has a long way to go, and that he has to start his own path. Get a job, and find his own place to live – he doesn’t want to take advantage of Gerard and his family –. But they’ve given him something he thought he’d never get back.

Hope.

They drive to the church, and Frank hears the Christmas music coming from the room downstairs. It’s exactly what he expected. A lot of middle aged women, all dressed up in their best church clothes, talking and drinking punch. He sees a group of kids by the corner, probably their kids who clearly don’t want to be here. ‘This is the same church where Gerard and Mikey did their first communion,’ Donna tells him, and he just smiles. She leads him to the other side of the room, when a group of women, all wearing black dresses, like the one Donna is wearing,  is standing by a piano. ‘Hi, ladies!’ she greets them.

They all turn around, and quickly notice Frank there, giving him all their attention.

Which Frank doesn’t know how to react to.

‘This is Frank,’ Donna says. ‘He’s living with us now.’ He smiles shyly, and waves at them. ‘And he’s singing with us.’

They all introduce themselves. Beth, Cindy, Jan and Sally. And they all seem really nice, and keep telling Frank how handsome he is, and that they have daughters, and he should go out with them, or invite him to Mass. Donna is kind enough to pull him aside to show him the pieces they’re singing. They rehearse a couple times, and Frank finds a guitar and starts tuning it and playing with it.

They take a break to sit down and eat something. Donna’s friends keep asking questions, whether he has a girlfriend, or where does he work, and he doesn’t know how to answer, so he just smiles, blushing. By the time they have to get on stage, he’s nervous as hell.

It’s been ages since the last time he was last playing in front of an audience, and it was really different. And he’s having a panic attack in front of everyone.

He hears the women start singing O Holy Night, but he’s paralyzed. Frozen.

And then, the door opens, and three men enter the room. Mr. Way with his two sons. And the moment he sees Gerard, he can’t help smiling. Just seeing him there brings him peace, and he starts to calm down.

He starts playing along, soft notes to accompany the choir, giving it a new life.

And everyone in the room is speechless.

But all Frank can see is Gerard.

*

‘That was amazing!’ Gerard tells him after the set.

Frank thanks him, blushing and hiding his face under his hair.

‘You’re a real rockstar!’

‘I told you!’

They both laugh, clearly nervous, before getting quiet again. ‘Sorry I was late,’ Gerard apologizes. ‘I did my best to get off work early, but you know –’

‘Don’t worry. You got here just in time.’

After another long pause, Gerard turns to him again. ‘You wanna go out for a smoke?’

Frank hasn’t smoked in ages, but he accepts, and follows him outside. It’s one of those weird nights that isn’t as cold as the rest of the winter, though he’s still shivering a little. He takes the cigarette that Gerard offers him, mostly to keep himself warm, and listens to Gerard complain about work, and not getting enough sleep. ‘Can I ask you something?’ Frank says, feeling like he has a right to, since he already told him his story. And Gerard nods. ‘Why do you help people?’

‘What do you mean?’

Frank thinks for a second. ‘I mean, I’ve been on the other side, just a couple weeks ago, I was the guy in need. And I’ve seen a lot of people who do this as community service, or for whatever reason. But you –’ He takes another drag, and throws the rest away, before turning to Gerard. ‘You like helping others. I don’t know you a lot, but I see it. And it’s not to make yourself feel better than others. It’s because you really want to help them.’

Gerard smiles, though it’s a sad smile. ‘My grandma,’ he says. ‘She used to do a lot of volunteer work all her life. She told us when she was young, she and her family were really poor, and they struggled a lot, so she tried to help others.’ Frank notices his voice is breaking, but doesn’t know what to say. ‘So, when me and Mikey were younger, she always took us to help serve dinners at the community kitchen, or help in any way we could.’  He turns to Frank, smiling. ‘I’m just following her steps.’

‘She’d be proud of you.’

Gerard laughs, clearly in the verge of crying.

Then, Frank says, ‘Thank you for everything.’ And he leans in to kiss Gerard on the cheek.

***

Gerard can still feel Frank’s lips on his cheek.

Warm.

And he’s more confused than ever.

Does that mean – he likes him too? Is he just thanking him?

He spends all day in bed, overthinking. He knows he’s wasting his precious time, and that it’s probably his last day off before Christmas. He doesn’t even know if he’ll get Christmas off, considering they might need him working ER that day. He could be spending the day with his family, or doing something other than moping because he doesn’t know when a guy likes him or not, and that’s probably why he’ll die alone.

He’s just dragging his ass out the door, when he gets a text from Mikey. You’re coming?

On my way.

The moment he walks in the door, he hears them all screaming, excited. ‘There he is,’ his mom says. ‘We were waiting for you.’

‘Why?’ he asks confused.

None of them say anything, and just turn to Frank, who seems to have something to say. ‘I was thinking,’ he starts in a timid voice. ‘We should go volunteer at the community kitchen.’

And Gerard gives him the biggest smile.

They all get in his mom’s van, Gerard driving them. He goes on and on about what they do, and all the process, and Frank listens attentively. Frank talks about his own experiences, and Gerard smiles at how he seems to be opening up more. Frank says there’s one where they serve pretty much anyone who walks in and they always need more help, so that’s where they go.

He writes their names in the sign-up sheet, and gets aprons for everybody. They help cook the chicken, and beans, and bread. And by the time people start coming in, they’re ready. Frank doesn’t say a word, but from his smile, he knows he’s glad to be on the other side for once.

‘You’re right,’ Frank says afterwards. They’re sharing a cigarette in the alley behind the building, while the second shift of volunteers clean the cafeteria. ‘It feels good to help others. Especially when you know how much it means being on the other side.’

Gerard just smiles at him.

‘There was a time when I thought I’d never make it out,’ Frank admits. ‘That I’d die in the streets, and it was never going to get better. And then I met you –’ Frank then turns to him, smiling, his eyes on Gerard.

And he can’t take it. Gerard pushes Frank against the wall, pressing their lips together. And he swears it doesn’t even take Frank a second to kiss him back. ‘You saved me,’ Frank whispers against his lips.

‘And I will gladly do it again.’

***

Gerard doesn’t even bother to turn on the lights.

Not that it matters when Gerard is holding him against the wall, with his tongue down his throat. Not that it matters when he’s pushing him against the bed and they’re making out. his hands are soft and delicate, running under his shirt and exploring. He feels his thumb caress the scab on the side of his stomach, still fresh, before he stops.

‘I’m sorry,’ Gerard apologizes. ‘Does it hurt?’

Frank shakes his head, and they keep going.

Gerard tastes like bubblegum and coffee. And it’s delicious.

They don’t even take their clothes off. They just stay like that, cuddling, enjoying each other’s existence. ‘You deserve good things, Frankie.’ He kisses him behind his ear. ‘You deserve a good life, and to be surrounded by people you love, doing the things you like.’

And Frank starts crying. He can’t believe he found someone who cares enough about him to want good things for him.

Gerard continues. ‘From now on, I’ll make sure you’re safe and that you have everything you need.’

‘Okay,’ Frank says, holding tight to Gerard, his face buried in his neck.

‘Merry Christmas, Frankie.’

*

Gerard is working on Christmas Eve, and Donna is making Mikey help her with the last of the presents. But Frank has his own plans.

It’s still snowing, but it’s not as bad. At least now he has a big enough coat to protect him.

He’s been thinking about it since he moved in with the Ways, but he needed time, and he wasn’t sure he’d find them there.

But he has nothing to lose.

So he walks about twenty minutes until he’s standing outside his childhood home.

It’s been three years since the last time he was here.

Fuck, it feels like a different time.

The house still looks the same. The bricked front, and the small garden leading up to the porch. He stands in front of the door for the longest time, considering if maybe it’s better to leave. His parents already moved on, he thinks. It’s not the best idea to just show up, out of nowhere. And just when he’s turning around to make his way out, the door opens.

‘Frankie?’

His mom stands there, looking almost the same, except these three years aged her twice as much, and he sees white hair. But it’s her. And she’s here.

She’s been waiting for him all this time.

‘Mom,’ he cries on her shoulder.

He’s back home.

*

It’s Christmas morning.

Frank sits with his mom in the Ways’ living room. Gerard said he’d be home early, so Frank asked his mom to come and spend Christmas with the family who saved his life. Mikey is doing an Elvis impression in front of the tree, and Donna made hot chocolate for everyone.

‘Should we start opening gifts, or wait until he’s here?’ she asks.

Just then, the door opens, and Gerard comes in. ‘Sorry, I had to make an extra stop on the way,’ he says, and walks over to Frank, and it’s not until then that he sees Gerard is carrying a tiny black lab puppy, with a pink ribbon around her. ‘Merry Christmas,’ he says, and Frank gets up to kiss him. ‘I know it’s not Pencey, but she needs a family too.’

‘Thank you.’

He introduces him to his mom, as the angel who saved his life, and they all start opening the gifts. Though Frank doesn’t need anything else. He already has everything.