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I, for one, was dreading the winter ball. Hogwarts hasnt hosted one since the last tri-wizard tournament years ago, but some girls put together a petition and got one passed. There was so much pressure, everyone looking for who their partner may be. I had hoped that I could just go with the Marauders as friends, seeing as James would go after Lily, who would inevitably reject him again, and Peter would be too shy to ask anyone, and Sirius may just have too many options to choose someone. Unfortunately, the closer said ball got, the more it seemed I'd be staying in and reading a book. Not that it bothered me.
Lily Evans chose the worst possible timing to let her standards go. Nearly a month before the dance, James orchestrated the largest proposal he'd ever gone with. Lillies of all colors lined every hallway, a magical red carpet rolling out and leading Lily to the quidditch pitch, where James awaited on his royal steed (his most cherished broom). He sweeps down from the sky just as fireworks go off, shaped of hearts and snowflakes. He got the rest of the quidditch team to help (how Ill never know, probably threatened more 4 am practices) and hold up signs, spelling out "Come with me to the ball?" I have full faith that had there not been so much pressure on everyone, especially the ladies, to not show up alone, or if half the school weren't watching, she would have rejected him as usual. Instead, she agrees! And tells him she'll be wearing navy, so that he can match.
Sirius is the next to mark a date off his list. Hundreds of girls giggle and follow him wherever he goes, a fair few boys too. He could have anyone he wanted. His favorite past time has been taunting and teasing them all, flirting a bit and not letting on if hed ask or not. I told him its cruel, and he switched to Professors. I swear Dumbledore almost told him yes. About two weeks in, hes gotten tired of the game and casually asks Mary Macdonald. When I say casually, I mean its during lunch on a Tuesday, his mouth full of mince pie as he shouts across the table. She just about spits out her tea while accepting the invitation. Its down to just me and Pete I suppose.
Oh wait! Wrong again, Moony! You blithering buffoon, Pete manages to snag a 4th year hufflepuff. Given, we're only about a week out from the dance anyways. I was more pissed than anything at this point, and walked out to the library to put it all out of my mind. Of course, here lies another distraction- y/n y/l/n.
Wed been friends since childhood, herself just one year below me. We seperated a bit, once I started off at Hogwarts. Being away from each other for so long, developing my own group of friends, her getting her own. Especially being in different houses, it seemed impossible to go back to the way we were. I always had a bit of a crush on her, though if ever asked Id deny it in a minute. It's probably obvious, given the way id always offer to carry her books when we came back from the library or if Id gone to walk her home from her school. That alone was probably enough to know I fancied her. Seeing her sitting there, quill tucked between her teeth as she looked over a text book, her legs crossed beneath the table and her brows furrowing with concentration, it all brought me back. The way we used to play house, pretending we were married and living in a big mansion, all happy and no stress. I was pulled from reminiscing when a voice called my name.
"Someone pinch me, I must be dreaming. That cant be- Remus Lupin? In the same vicinity as I? Little old me, in the presence of a 7th year? What did I do to deserve the honor?" She says, all the dramatics I remember. Shes turned to face me and calls me over to her table with her, giggling a bit. "Long time no see, Lupin. Too embarrassing to be seen with a 16 year old?"
"What? No, no. Not at all."
"Ah, I must still have cooties then? I see you walking around with those boys all the time, they mustve convinced you girls are vile creatures." She laughs again, flashing her perfect smile. I always think im over her and my childhood crush, but it only takes those perfect teeth and perfect lips to make me fall all over. "Whats on your mind? You okay?"
"Yeah. Im fine. I just havent seen you in so long, I didnt even realize we'd crossed paths until now."
"That would be my fault, I guess. Get too nervous to say hi when youre always with the one and only Sirius Black, my friends would never let me hear the end of it. And Sabrina would kick my ass if she saw me chatting within a 2 kilometer radius of James Potter."
"I see. Well, uh, how-how have you been?"
"Good, I guess. What about you?"
"Ive been better."
"Whats got you down? Its been a while but im still a shoulder to lean on, if you need me." She says, leaning in across the table, pushing her books aside and propping up on her elbows. Her cheeks push up with her hands, making her look entirely too sweet and soft. Theres that smile again, and those eyes.
"Gah, this damn ball, right now. Its like everyones gone mad about getting a date!"
"Tell me about it. All of my friends are just gushing about every other person they see. I swear most of them breakdown in tears nightly about it."
"The guys arent that much better. Half of us are giving pep talks and the other half are practicing how theyre going to ask."
"Have you practiced? Or are you a pep talker?"
"Oh, no. I'll probably just stay back, catch up on some reading. Just as cool as you remember me, right?"
"Havent changed a bit. You should get out there, though. Its not every day that girls would tell someone as gangly as you yes." She jokes, causing me to blush madly. I hope she doesn't take notice. "Nah, im just kidding. Kind of. I mean, I told someone twice as much of a dolt as you yes, theres hope. Not like youd have any trouble anyways, you look better than ive ever remembered you to be."
So many emotions and mixed signals. Id be lying if I said my heart didnt drop when she said she had a date. Not that Id ask her, or anything, probably. But then her saying I looked good, wow. I guess those werent really her words, though. She just said better than she'd remembered, maybe she remembered some kind of freak. I cant sit here on it, though. She'll know something is up.
"Its not really my scene anyways. Ill let the guys that are actually interested get their picks."
"Youre not even going to stop in? Not for a snack or anything? One song?"
"No, probably not. Think about it, a peaceful night without James and Sirius and Peter, or every hogwarts student in one room, wreaking havoc and being loud and obnoxious?"
"And here I was thinking you were fun." Y/n says, packing up her books and quill with a smile. "Well, suit yourself, Remus. Ive appreciated your charitable time, im sure other girls would simply die to be in my position."
"Good to know you never lost your dramatic flare."
"How could I? Hopefully Ill see you around sometime."
And with that, she's left the library.
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December 17, 1977, 5:37 pm.
"Come on, moon! There will be plenty of lonely gals still there."
"Or lads." Pads winks at me after he and Potter finish getting ready.
James continuously plays with the red bowtie on his navy dress robes, though he should be focusing more on his hair. His grandfather invented sleek-ezy, yet somehow he always looks like he just got off his broom. To each his own, I suppose. Sirius runs a hand through it for him and settles it, and the two get on their way. Peter had left earlier this afternoon, said he was making a run to the greenhouses for some flowers for the lass he was going with.
I thought Id be more excited to get some time alone, but after only a couple of chapters of the novel, I kept thinking about the dance. How much fun all my friends would be having without me, what kind of courses would be served, how nice y/n would look in a gown. One song couldnt hurt, just to see what all the fuss is about. At the very least, I could take care of my starvation.
I dig through my trunk for the nicest outfit available. I didnt plan on any events to bring dress robes for, and of course dad couldnt send any over in such short notice. Luckily, black slacks and a plain red button up were readily available to me, and my school shoes didnt look too casual either. It only took a moment to put on, and I thought I looked okay, so I headed down the flights of stairs to the great hall, hearing music blaring from a kilometer back.
I opened the large doors, seas of colors and glimmering lights shined about the room, my ears booming with catchy music as students bobbed up and down in the crowd. My nose led me first to the snack table, laden in sweets and punch. Needless to say, I loaded a tray with a few things and grabbed myself a glass, sitting quietly at one of the tables pushed against the walls. Hardly anyone else was sitting, a few single girls, while the rest of the student body was dancing with friends and partners. I found myself looking for the people I knew as I tested out the different pastries, James and Lily being the first pair.
She was gorgeous as ever, fire red curls bouncing on and off her shoulders with two sections pinned up to show her authentic pearl earrings. James looked just as nice, bright white teeth flashing as he held Lilys hand and danced with her. They both seemed to be infatuated with one another, especially as he brought their arms above her head and spun her. It was sweet.
Sirius and Mary were next to be spotted. He was dazzling. Half the students couldnt focus on their partners as he and Mary made their way around. His silky black hair was pushed back to the sides, though it fell to frame his face and hang in front of his eyes over and over. He refuses to tuck it behind his ear. Marys typical afro was picked out nicely with winter jasmine strewn throughout, matching perfectly with her ruffled yellow dress. She was just show-stopping, even next to Sirius. They were a sight to behold.
Peter and the fourth year were last. She wore a soft baby blue gown, he wore brown dress robes and slicked back his hair. She looked bothered more than anything, but as she made a round to the punch table, I took note of her scuffed heels and made a fair assumption. Peter seemed to be fine, dancing along lightly, trying to impress and not embarrass. He made sure to stay close enough to James for comfort but not close enough to lose his date.
Id finished my plate and it disappeared from in front of me, going to be cleaned I suppose. My full attention was on the dance floor now. I laid back against the table, taking in everyone being so...happy. It was rare these days. Different perfumes and colognes started to float to my nose as the plate disappeared, one familiar one in particular growing very strong. Thats when I found her, and my eyes were stuck following her every movement.
Watching her spin around in her champagne colored gown, a smile on her face as she laughs with her friends. The satin ribbon on the back, tied neatly into a corset. The lace and poofy layers at the bottom. The flowery decorations at her hips and up to her chest, with a neckline that accentuates her curves and perfect skin. Shes glowing, and when she spins to meet my eyes, shes beyond radiant. Everyone else seems to fade away as she pushes through to me.
"Thought you werent going to show, not even one song." Y/n says, standing me up and giving a quick friendly hug.
"Well, I had to see the prat thats twice as much of a dolt as me."
"Sorry to crush your dreams, but he stood me up. Sat with me for about 10 seconds, got up and left."
"Im really sorry to hear that, y/n."
"Dont be, he was a prick!" She shouts over the lively music, seeming unaffected by her date. "Tell you what, I have to go back to my friends now, but if you find it in your heart to stay a bit longer, you should save me a dance!"
"We'll see. Go on, Id hate for them to know you're associating with the enemy."
I sat back down at the table, trying not to watch her so intently. It was hard. Truly magical, she was. Like a princess. I sipped on my glass of punch, ignoring the fact that it had clearly been spiked with fire whiskey, and snapped back into reality. Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail were making their way over, dates giggling and close behind.
"Thought you werent going to show! Who are you here with?" James says, clapping my back as he sits, sweat beads falling from his forehead.
"No one, food smelled good." I waved to Lily and Mary, and kept my head straightforward, y/ns dress catching the light and my gaze once again. I could hear my friends around me, only faint mumbles to my ears though. Only when im called by name (well, nickname) do I tune back in.
"If i didnt know better, Id say Moony has his eye on someone in particular!" Padfoot coos, he and the other mimicking "oohs" in my ear and chuckling.
"I told you, Im only here for the food. Arent your dates going to be upset that youve ditched them? James, dont screw up your singular date with Lily."
"It wont be the last. That is my future wife, after all. Now, whos the lass or lad?"
"No one. I dont know what youre talking about."
Of course I do. I still havent let her out of my sight. The way she picks up the ends of her dress so she can sway to the other side of the room. The laugh I can picture so clearly just by the way she throws her head back. Its like a spotlight is following her, constantly shining and melting over her skin and lips and eyelashes. Shes ethereal tonight, and theres nothing I can do but adore her. Godric forbid I lay a hand on her, tucked into her hips or ravel our fingers together. Much safer to let my eyes adore her from afar.
"There! Pink dress, next to the girls in the grey with flowers!" Pads exclaims. Mustve followed my eyes. "Shes pretty, mate. Doesnt look like she has a date either."
"No, no. An old friend, I wouldnt. And its champagne, not pink."
"Just a dance, what is there to lose?"
"Ive already told her Ill dance with her. Shes clearly busy with other people, and she'll never come over here as long as you three are nearby. (Your house), best friend is the quidditch captain."
"Oh Moony, you wound me." James says, standing up from his seat. "Sirius, dance with me brother."
"You pillock, shouldve asked me ages ago!"
The two run back to the floor, Pete following soon after. I relax back again, looking at the ceiling to get my mind off of the perfect girl swirling perfect circles in the sea of children. Her perfume is growing stronger and fabric has met the toe of my shoes. Im pulled back to see her in front of me, looking back to her friends for a second and laughing.
"You stayed."
"Yeah. Saved you a dance too."
"Im swooning." She touches her head to her forehead dramatically with a smile. "Come on."
Y/n pulls me from my seat as the song comes to an end, pulling me to the center of the room with her. I swear shes timed it perfectly, the next song on queue being slow and romantic. She seems a bit flustered and looks up to me.
"I didnt plan this, I swear."
"I can go sit back down."
"Why would you do that? Come on, hands on my waist, Remmy. Just like when we were kids, except now I actually have one." She says, wrapping her arms up to hold onto either of my shoulders. "Dont tell me all those fake lessons went to waste."
"No, I still remember."
We spend the next few seconds in silence as we step around the room, not really knowing what to say. It feels like were the only two people in the great hall, or at least it would if I couldnt see Sirius taunting me over y/ns shoulder.
"When did you get so short, y/n?" I say, trying to break the tension and quiet around us.
"Oh shut up."
"Im serious! Youre like a tiny little pixie."
There she goes, laughing again. Smiling up at me. Her hands migrate from my shoulders to around my neck as we continue to make our way around our little box steps. Time has slowed, it seems. I wonder if she can see the gears turning in my head, or sense the overwhelming amount of emotions im feeling all at once. I wonder if she knows she still does this to me.
"Sorry. You look really beautiful, by the way. Your date is an idiot."
"Thanks, Remmy. Youre very handsome tonight, as well. Not that youre not handsome all the time- I mean- you just- tonight you- ugh. Damn you."
"What did I do?"
"Youre just being a tosser, thats all." She laughs, turning her face towards the floor. I have no control over my body anymore, I cant stop my fingers from picking up her chin and making her look at me again.
"Youre not supposed to look at your feet. Thats like, rule number one."
"Yeah, but now you can see how much youre making me blush, and Id say thats a million times worse. And holy shit I just said that outloud in front of you. To you. One of these days Ill learn how to stop talking."
"I think you look quite extraordinary when you blush like that."
"Stop it, Remus."
"Alright, alright! Im sorry. You do look very nice this evening though, your dress is...wow. And your hair, and everything. Even if you are a foot shorter than me."
"Wanker." She whispers, her laughter dying down as the song comes to an end. Shes quick to peel her hands from my neck, and I take her lead and seperate from her hips. She brushes her hands quickly on her dress and doesnt make eye contact, just utterly perfect.
"Right then. Im going to have more punch. Goodnight, if I dont see you again." I say, walking back away from her and to my own table.
Im beyond upset with myself. She was right there, so close, yet so far. She was there, I just didnt have the courage to say anything. She wouldnt have wanted me to say anything, probably. Those were just silly little slip-ups. James and Lily pass me, laughing as they run to go to the common room, probably. Sirius was too busy snogging Marys face off to laugh as they stumbled by, godric knows where. Pete left alone, waving to me a moment, closer to the end of the party. Students were clearing out, and I helped Professors start to clean up some of the mess. I watch just about every person exit, until its gotten down to the few couples busy grinding on each other in the corner unaware that their friends had gone and some friends just living the moments they can.
Finally, I exited the hall myself, walking down the near empty cooridors and up the flight of stairs. I hear the rustling of toole and clacking of heels behind me, but dont make any assumptions. Its best not to let myself hope.
"Remus!" I hear someone call out, turning around to see her.
Y/n and I are the only ones in the stair well, surprisingly. Shes about 2 flights below me, and I watch as her dress swishes up to catch up to me. I pray the stairs dont move, and end up taking matters into my own hands, meeting her halfway. She nearly slips and I catch her, standing her upright. We just look at each other for a minute, and I can see her biting the inside of her cheek as she thinks.
"What is it? Something wrong?" I ask quietly, pulling my hands off of her hips once Ive realized theyre still there.
"Its fine if you dont feel the same way, really. Just push me, Ill stop, but Id never forgive myself if I didnt give it a shot." She says quickly, grabbing hold of my neck and forcing my down to meet her. To meet her lips.
She forces hers against mine, hard, causing me to stumble forward, pushing her up against the stone banister behind. I stabilized myself with her waist, and after getting past the intial shock, give into her. Unintentionally, I let out some kind of noise, making her smile against me and pull away.
"Sorry." She says, wiping around my lips with her delicate fingers.
"Me too."
"....I guess I should be getting to bed, then. I'll-I'll see you, Lupin." She says, starting back down the stairs.
I watch her for a good while, her shaking her head as she pushed down the stairs, hiking up her dress to run faster. I could still feel how warm and tender her skin was beneath my palms, and as she disappeared further and further, regret washed over me in incredible waves. Best to save it for the morning, dont want to do anything rash, and I could live with the kiss being the final event of my night.
I walk back through the common room, Lilys navy gown stretched over her knees as she lay overtop James, snogging him deeply as his hand sticks in her hair. Good for him. Sirius and Mary are parked in the stairwell, the verticle version of James and Lily it seems, and Peter is just outside our dorm with a plate of snacks. I push on through and lay on my bed, closing the curtains and letting the night play over and over. I reminisced over the fake dances wed have in y/ns back yard, and how much better the one tonight was. All the times we played together when we were younger, and how often I thought I had seen her in the halls, but was too afraid to say anything. How shed felt the same way apparently. I was a fool to think I could forget about how special she was.
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December 18, 1977, 6:45 am.
Cant sleep. Everything is on repeat. It was nice at first, but im completely consumed by her. I hear James stirring, waking Pads for his early morning quidditch practice. Theres no way hes not hungover, he had more punch than I did and I have a good guess as to who spiked it.
"Padfoot, come on. (Your house) is going to beat us to the pitch, I heard someone talking about it last night."
"Let 'em. Tired."
"Mate, I am not losing this house cup because of you. Its our last year!"
"Only way youll get me out of this bed is by carrying me."
"By all means, then-" James starts.
I peek through the curtains, catching him picking up Sirius and throwing him over his shoulder. Pads seems shocked, waking up almost immediately and batting against James's back to put him down. He doesnt, and the two are off down the stairs.
It finally registers with me what he says. Maybe y/n would be out there. Its not like im getting any rest anyways, may as well go find out. I was still in my clothes from last night, figure Id change into something more comfortable, and clean. A simple navy cardigan over a white tee, no need to impress. Maybe. I hope. I grabbed a book, too, in case she wasnt there and I wouldnt look too out of place being at a practice. It took no time, however, to jog down the stairs immediately after.
The air outside is incredibly brisk, my nose and eyes burning through it as I continue on through the courtyard and out to the pitch. A small huddle of crimson and (your house color) stand in the middle of the field, James and who I take to be Sabrina squabbling in the middle. I look up to the stands, a group of 3 or 4 girls sitting in the opposite houses section. Shes there. Y/n is with them. I dont think they see me. I cant tell if thats good or bad, and have to talk myself up the entire rest of the way up the stands. I got pretty far before they took notice of my appearance. One of the girls breath hitches, and she whispers to y/n just a bit too loudly.
"Is that him?"
Y/n turns over her shoulder slowly, and I keep on until im in front of her.
"Can I talk to you?" I say sternly, a bit more agitated than id meant for it to come out. Her eyes drop their sparkle and her friends grab onto her arms, making a protective sheild from the mean man in front of her it seemed. "Alone, if thats okay." That came out a bit softer.
"Y-yeah. Ill be right back, guys." She whispers, standing and climbing over the bleachers, leading me to a section further away. She continues to look over her shoulder at her friends. "Im really sorry, Remus. I dont know what came over me, I get it if-"
I grab either side of her face, not being able to stand her apologizing for the very thing Id been thinking of for hours. Our mouths met in perfect sync, and she was incredibly quick to let go of her tension and allow her fingers to wrap around my forearms. Theyre freezing, she mustve been out here a while. I pull apart from her first, seeing her eyes still closed as she licks her lips and let them turn to a smile.
"Your fingers are cold." My voice is raspy and my white breath floats between us as I hold onto her hands.
"You come up here at 7 am, kiss me, and go with 'your fingers are cold'? Merlin, Remus."
"Sorry. Sorry. I-uh-I'd wanted to do that for a really long time, you know. I never really pictured what to say after though."
"You can start with telling me how sorry you are for not doing it sooner, then. Bloody wanker, letting me pine over you and think you're un-achievable when you fancied me all along." She giggled with that perfect laugh, turning her face back up and pleading for mine to do the same. "Or just kiss me again."
"I guess I could do that." I lean back down, allowing us to pick up where we left off.
"ALRIGHT MOONY!" I hear Prongs yell from the pitch, Padfoot whooping along.
"DONT SNOG HIM TOO HARD, Y/N!" Her friends yell, laughs roaming about.
We both give our respective groups a strong flip of the bird and continue on, seperating for breath just a moment later to find both teams fighting again. Not sure if its over us or the pitch to be honest. I can hardly hear them while Im focusing on y/n in front of me. Just as ethereal in her scarf and jeans as she was in a ball gown, and just as happy to kiss me without any traces of punch on her breath.
"Im going to the library, its too cold out here."
"Not gonna kiss and tell, are you Lupin?"
"No. I meant if you wanted to accompany me, maybe we could catch up some. Make up for lost time."