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“One glass of death after noon if you please, Master Diluc,” Kaeya hummed, sitting down at the bar in front of his (former) brother. Diluc glared at him, and for a moment Kaeya thought Diluc would refuse him. But Diluc turned away, beginning to mix his drink, and Kaeya breathed out a sigh of relief.
The first sip was like heaven, and even though he wasn’t as much of a lightweight (like Diluc, haha remember that?) as to get drunk after the first mouthful, the burning taste cleared his mind of the stress of his job. That’s what he wanted right? To not worry about work during Christmas? He thought it was. He closed his eyes to savour his drink.
“Kaeya!” The voice shattered the calm air around the small boy. He turned his uncovered eye to the flaming red mass barreling towards him.
“What is it, Luc?” he asked, face breaking into a smile. The red haired boy skidded to a stop in front of him, throwing sand everywhere.
“Father said I’d find you here! And I wanted to see you!”
“Oh. Well you found me.” Kaeya turned back to the ocean, staring out at the horizon.
“Is this your first time at the beach Kae?” Diluc stared at Kaeya with wide eyes.
“Yeah,” Kaeya breathed, moving towards where waves were gently lapping at the shore. He stared down at his reflection in the water in awe.
“Do you like it?” Diluc’s reflection appeared next to Kaeya’s. Kaeya nodded enthusiastically, watching his reflection do the same. He reached his hand toward the water, trying to cup his reflection in his hands. The brothers’ reflections disappeared in the ripples of the water. Kaeya stood back up, frowning. Diluc giggled beside him
“Silly Kae, you can’t actually pick up your reflection. But don’t worry! We can have Father commission a painter to paint us if you want!” Diluc threw an arm around Kaeya’s shoulders, guiding him away from the water. Kaeya smiled shyly and nodded.
“-ya. KAEYA,” the voice of a much older Diluc broke through Kaeya’s reminiscence. He blinked a few times before smiling up at his older (FORMER) brother.
“Did you need something dear brother?” Kaeya asked sweetly. Diluc’s glare deepened.
“Are you so drunk that you can’t even remember almost face planting into my bar?” Diluc’s tone was cold, nothing like the boy Kaeya was just remembering.
“Not at all, Master Diluc, I would never be so irresponsible. I was just merely lost in thought,” Kaeya’s grin turned forced just ever so slightly. How could Diluc accuse him of being a lightweight when Diluc himself had once passed out for three days after a glass of dandelion wine?
“I’m cutting you off. Go home, Captain,” Diluc took Kaeya’s empty glass, turning his back and refusing further contact with the man. Kaeya opened his mouth to argue, but decided better of it. He stood up, moving toward the door. One glass and he was cut off. Kaeya huffed in indignance.
In his rage, Kaeya struggled to get the door open, finally kicking it once the latch was undone and stepping out into the cool evening air of Mondstadt. He breathed in deeply, trying to quell his anger. Did Diluc really not care about him anymore? It was Christmas Eve, surely he deserved to have more than just one drink? Kaeya stumbled on a rock, throwing his hands out to balance himself. He righted himself, glancing around to make sure no one saw him, before heading back to his apartment. Well, if Diluc won’t serve me, I’ll just make my own drinks, he thought.
~*~
He could go to the Cat’s Tail, he realized as he pulled out his personal stash of alcohol and began mixing his drink. He quickly dashed that idea, however. He loved Diona’s drinks, yes, but he didn’t really want to be with other people if it wasn’t Diluc. It was Christmas, after all, and Christmas is meant to be with family. (He’s not your family anymore.)
“Kae please be careful!” Seven year old Kaeya looked down at his brother from where he sat in the lower branches of a tree.
“I’m always careful, Luc, you don’t have to worry about me!” Kaeya laughed and reached for another branch. He could hear Diluc’s audible gasp as he swung himself up higher. Kaeya laughed again. This was fun, this was free, he was on top of the world! Finally his head broke the top of the tree. Kaeya gasped, he could see Mondstadt from here!
“Kae? Kae please come down,” Diluc’s voice called up from the ground. Kaeya looked down, seeing Diluc standing with his arms crossed and tapping his foot.
“Careful, Luc, you don’t look very noble like that,” Kaeya burst into a fit of giggles, teetering dangerously on the branch. Diluc, too preoccupied with making sure Kaeya didn’t fall, wasn’t even offended at the remark.
“Kae I’m serious, please come down, it’s really dangerous up there!” Diluc sounded near hysteria. Kaeya sighed.
“Alright, alright, I’m coming,” he said, beginning to climb down.
He was about halfway down when his foot hit a bird’s nest, and he slipped. Shrieking, he fell through the branches, helpless to stop the fall. Diluc might’ve screamed his name, but he wasn’t sure. Before he could hit the ground, however, he landed with an oomph in Diluc’s arms. Kaeya groaned, clutching his head where it had knocked into Diluc’s shoulder. He was set down gently, Diluc steadying him as he regained his balance.
“Maybe we don’t climb trees anymore,” Diluc said.
“Oh come on, Luc, it was just this one time, I’m usually really good at not falling,” Kaeya laughed brightly, readjusting his eyepatch. Diluc sighed and shook his head. The two set off back to the manor, laughing and joking now that Kaeya was alright.
Kaeya looked up from where he was sitting at his dining room table, annoyed at himself.
“I must really be losing it now,” he laughed to himself dryly. Remembering his childhood wasn’t a habit he made out of his off days, and it was a bit aggravating that he had remembered two memories in one night. He sighed. More alcohol, that would fix it. In his need to forget the memories he kept remembering, he didn’t even pause to notice how his movements were clumsy and his reaction times dulled. Remembering his childhood wasn’t how he operated. Run away, and keep running, that was the only way he could live a productive life. Remembering and reminiscing and missing his family would get him nowhere but to the bottom of a bottle and his bathroom floor. (But you already do that.) He mentally shook himself. Run until he ran off the world someday, that’s the only way to keep moving forward, to keep ahead of the demons of his past that wanted to surround him, plunge him into darkness more complete than the abyss he came from. Sometimes at his worst, though, like right now, he wondered if anyone knew, if anyone could see the destruction that he wrought upon himself. He wondered if anyone could see how tired he was of running.
Outside, the gentle sound of rain could be heard as he downed another glass. He smiled hazily.
“Luc, come on, come on!” Kaeya shouted, jumping down from the carriage and out into the pouring rain. He spun around in a circle, laughing and lifting his face toward Celestia. Diluc climbed out hesitantly, hissing as his clothes became drenched within seconds. Kaeya laughed and pulled Diluc towards him, spinning them around.
“Kaeya what has gotten into you?” Diluc asked, trying to break out of his brother’s grip.
“Dance with me, Luc! Come on, lighten up a little. Just because you're the Cavalry Captain now doesn’t mean you can't have a little fun every now and then!” Kaeya let go of Diluc’s hands, grabbing his arm and dragging him further away from the carriage. Diluc sighed, giving in. The two brothers giggled and laughed like they were seven again, twirling in the rain and trying to outdo each other's moves.
When the two finally reached the manor some time later, they tramped into the entryway, dripping water and still laughing. Crepus came out of his study to see what all the noise was about. He stood shocked in the doorway, seeing his sons laughing, looking their age for the first time since they were eight. He smiled, leaving before they could see him. And if the brothers had maids deliver them towels to dry off before they caught cold, well they could just assume the maids were already waiting for them.
Kaeya sighed in frustration, breaking the memory playing in his mind. How long had it been since he had felt that alive? He didn’t know. He wished he didn’t care. Wished he didn’t miss (his brother) Diluc more than anything. Kaeya stared moodily into his empty glass, wondering if he should refill it or not. He decided to put the glass down, pushing away his supplies and resting his head on the table.
Damp cloth against his face made him aware that he was crying, and he ripped off the offending eyepatch, scrubbing at his eyes angrily.
“Diluc why do you still hate me?” he asked the empty dining room. “I know I fucked up and I’m sorry but please. Let me come back home, take me back as your brother, take me home, please. I don’t know what else to do or where to go anymore.” He closed his eyes, resting his head back on the table.
From where he was laying, he could just make out the wrapped shape of the present he had made for Diluc. Thinking about it now, he supposed it was probably a stupid gift. He had met up with Albedo on Dragonspine a couple weeks ago, and the latter had offered to teach him how to paint. Ever the person to not turn down a challenge, Kaeya had agreed. Following Albedo’s advice, he had let his mind wander and let his hand do the work. When he had looked back, he had a rather impressive (at least for a beginner) rendition of Diluc staring back at him. Then it had seemed a good idea to wrap it up as a present to his (FORMER) brother.
But now it just seemed stupid. Kaeya sat up quickly. He could have sworn he just saw a splash of red in the corner of his eye. But when he looked at the window where he had seen it, there was nothing there. He sighed. Stupid brain, playing tricks on him, making him think Diluc was there. There wasn’t even any logical reason why he thought Diluc would even be there. He realized he was crying again.
Scrubbing at his eyes, he tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling. The damn alcohol had betrayed him. Instead of letting him forget everything he didn’t want to remember, it had forced his mask off, leaving him vulnerable and emotional. Sitting there alone at his dining room table, he was forced to admit that he’d been lying to himself for years. Lying that he was fine, lying about not missing Diluc, lying that he didn’t regret what happened to Crepus, lying, lying, lying. The repressed sorrow, the one emotion that he had shoved as far to the back of his mind as he could, flooded through him now, and he let out a strangled sob that pierced the silence in his dining room. He slapped a hand over his mouth as if expecting someone to have heard. He slowly slid farther down in his chair as more sobs muffled by his hand escaped.
~*~*~
Diluc watched the clock impatiently. He wasn’t sure why, but there had been warning bells flashing in his mind ever since Kaeya had stumbled out. He just wanted the tavern to be closed so he could go check on (his brother) Kaeya. Kaeya had already had 3 glasses and he had a sneaking suspicion he was going to drink more when he got home.
Finally, finally the clock hit 10, and Diluc decided to close up early. It was Christmas Eve anyway, he was allowed to do that. Ushering the remaining drunks out, Diluc hastily wiped down the bar and the tables, trying to finish as quickly as possible. He grabbed his coat and was outside locking the door in under five minutes. Why he was so worried for the man everyone thought he hated, he didn’t know. But his confusion on his own reactions didn’t change the cold tendrils of worry twisting tight around his heart.
Diluc hurried along the streets to Kaeya’s apartment. He’d followed Kaeya home plenty of times from the shadows after the man had had one too many drinks at his bar. Now, however, Diluc didn’t bother to stick to the shadows, too preoccupied with making sure Kaeya wasn’t passed out and choking to death on his own vomit.
He reached Kaeya’s door in record time. Taking a steadying breath, he knocked on the door, praying to whatever god would listen that Kaeya would answer quickly. Minutes passed and Kaeya still wasn’t answering. Worry tightening in his chest, Diluc moved around to the side of the apartment, hoping he wouldn’t have to break a window to save his idiot brother. (Since when did he openly think of him as a brother?)
He reached the row of windows showing into Kaeya’s apartment and began glancing into each one, hoping Kaeya would be there. He could be at the Cat’s Tail, Diluc thought. He quickly dismissed the idea, though. His brother didn’t like the crowds that Diona always attracted with her holiday themed drinks.
He worked methodically past the windows, but after the first two he only glanced quickly, expecting that Kaeya might be in his bedroom quarters. All the lights so far had been off, and Diluc was beginning to wonder if Kaeya had even made it home. He glanced through the dining room window quickly, eyes not registering the slumped over figure at the dining room table and the candle set up nearby at first. He had checked two more windows before his brain caught up with his senses, and he hurried back to the dining room window. Kaeya was slumped in his chair with his hands covering his face. If Diluc strained his ears, he swore he heard noise coming from the room. Was Kaeya, crying? Alarm bells ringing in his head he stuck out his hand for his claymore, before realizing that he should try the window first in case it was unlocked.
To his surprise, the window opened easily, and he tumbled into Kaeya’s dining room as quickly as he could wiggle through the window. The sound of Kaeya choking on a sob had Diluc looking up from his face plant into the floor. Kaeya was looking at him as if he had seen a ghost. Diluc pushed himself up, nearly slipping on the puddle of water under him. He glanced back at the window and finally noticed the rain coming down and the fact that his clothes were soaked. He sighed and activated his vision to dry himself off as he got up and moved toward Kaeya.
“What th’fuck you doing in my house,” Kaeya slurred, hiccuping and trying to wipe the tears still falling from his eyes. (Eyes?) Diluc looked Kaeya over quickly, making sure he wasn’t hurt. (Why would he be hurt?)
“You were already drunk when you left, it wouldn’t have looked good on the records if the Cavalry Captain got himself killed because he drank too much at my tavern,” Diluc replied, masking his worry with the cold tone he always used around his brother.
“Wasn’drunk, on’y had one glass,” Kaeya turned away from Diluc to continue scrubbing angrily at his eyes, tears still falling even as his sobs had quieted.
“Only-Kaeya you had three,” Diluc said incredulously, staring at his brother. Kaeya made a disbelieving noise and fell silent. Diluc would’ve thought he fell asleep if it wasn’t for the shaking of his shoulders.
“Why’re you still here,” Kaeya mumbled after some time of Diluc hovering awkwardly, unsure if he should approach his brother or not.
“I-” Diluc’s voice broke. He cleared his throat. “I don’t want you to be alone right now.” It was probably okay to be honest right now right? Kaeya was probably so far gone he wouldn’t remember this in the morning anyway. “I’m worried. Why are you crying?”
“Because th’alcohol w’s against me t’day. I wanted to forget but it would LET ME,” Kaeya’s voice grew stronger and louder, and he punctuated the statement by slamming his fist weakly against the table.
“I miss you, Luc, ‘n you probably aren’t even here righ’ now ‘n this is probably just another hallucination but it hurts ‘n I just want to go home.”
“You are home, Kaeya,” Diluc said, bewildered, staring at Kaeya.
“No,” Kaeya croaked. “Not home. Home is with you, at th’winery.” “
You still think of us as home?” Diluc asked incredulously.
“‘F course. You’re m’brother. Or well. I guess used to be. Y’kinda took care of that,” Kaeya laughed bitterly, trailing into a quiet sob. Diluc stared at him dumbfounded.
“Kaeya I-”
“S’okay though. ‘M used to it. Been abandoned by pretty much ev’ryone at some point or ‘nother.” Kaeya took a shuddering breath. Diluc opened his mouth to respond, but Kaeya continued speaking before he could. “Just miss you. And, and Father. Wish I coulda done smthing that day.”
“Kaeya…” Diluc’s voice trailed off. What could he say to that? He didn’t know if there was anything he could say to fix their brotherhood, and he definitely would prefer to apologize once Kaeya was actually sober. He settled for pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket and handing it to his brother. Kaeya took it and wiped his eyes. Diluc set a hand on his brother’s shoulder and stayed silent as he tried to compose himself just a little bit.
Diluc always assumed that Kaeya had left the memory of him in the past and moved on. He certainly never seemed like he cared much about Diluc anymore. But maybe that was just Diluc’s forced lack of observation toward his brother. He had thought that maybe leaving Kaeya alone and interacting as little as possible would be better for him, but it was clear that he had been wrong. So what was he supposed to do now? He wasn’t sure if it was too late to take everything back, he didn’t even know if a sober Kaeya would be willing to be brothers again. But he couldn’t just leave and pretend this conversation hadn’t happened.
Making up his mind, Diluc shifted, turning Kaeya to look at him. Kaeya stared up at him with eyes that were still full of tears.
“I’m going to take you back to the winery with me tonight, okay? We can talk more in the morning when you’re sober,” he said as calmly as he could. Kaeya, to his surprise, nodded without complaint.
“Okay,” he whispered instead.
“Yeah,” Diluc muttered awkwardly, shuffling backwards to give Kaeya room to move.
“Uh, d’you think you can walk or..?”
“Pro’ly not,” Kaeya responded, gripping the table with both hands to stand. Diluc sighed and turned his back to Kaeya.
“Get on, I’ll give you a piggyback like Father used to do when we were kids,” Diluc said before he could think better of it. Kaeya huffed a laugh but awkwardly clambered onto Diluc’s back, wrapping his arms around Diluc’s shoulders for stability. By unspoken agreement, they both ignored how much he struggled to get on without falling.
“‘M ready,” Kaeya said, burying his face into Diluc’s hair.
“Right.” Diluc held onto Kaeya’s legs to make sure he wouldn’t fall as he began moving towards the door.
“Wait!” Kaeya suddenly called as Diluc was about to leave the dining room. “Want, want to bring that present.” He pointed to a neatly wrapped rectangle resting against the wall.
“What is it?” Diluc asked as he walked over to pick it up.
“Surprise,” Kaeya mumbled, burying his face back in Diluc’s hair once he was sure Diluc was actually picking up the present.
“Hold on tight,” Diluc muttered, holding the present to his chest. Kaeya’s arms tightened around Diluc, and he set off toward the door again. Upon reaching the door, Diluc was pleased to see that the rain had stopped, and while it was still cloudy, at least they wouldn’t get wet. He stepped out and closed the door behind him, setting off towards home.
~*~
By the time Diluc reached the winery, Kaeya was asleep, softly snoring against his shoulder. Diluc gently opened the door to the winery, Adeline rushing forward to greet him. She stopped short upon seeing the passed out Cavalry Captain that was snoring against Diluc’s back. Diluc offered a weak smile and set the present down at his feet to readjust his grip on Kaeya.
“I’m going to take Kaeya up to bed, could you prepare a tray to bring up to him?” Diluc tried his best to sound casual, as if it was every day that he brought Kaeya back to the winery where they had spent their childhood. Adeline, to her credit, recovered quickly.
“Of course, Master Diluc, right away. And, ah, would you like me to do something about the package?” Adeline curtsied but stayed in place.
“Could you just bring it up to his room? I’d rather make sure he doesn’t fall while on the stairs,” Diluc responded, stepping carefully over the present.
“Right away, Master Diluc!” Adeline curtsied again and hurried to the kitchen. Diluc sighed, shoulders slumping slightly under Kaeya’s deadweight. The man wasn’t heavy by any means, on the contrary Diluc was actually worried about how light his brother was, but after carrying him all the way from Monstadt, Diluc was tired. He determinedly kept taking steps toward the stairs, intent on getting Kaeya into a bed that was by far more comfortable than his shoulder.
At the top of the stairs, Diluc hesitated for a moment where to bring Kaeya before setting his sights on the door of Kaeya’s old bedroom. He approached it quickly, pushing open the door with his foot. Entering and dumping Kaeya on the bed, Diluc stood and looked around. He hadn’t been in here much since that night, and it was relatively untouched. The maids had kept it clean, but otherwise no one had set foot here in 5 years. Diluc sighed and turned back to Kaeya. He turned him on his side and set a wastebasket next to the bed. Satisfied with his handiwork, Diluc gently tugged Kaeya’s boots off and tucked a blanket around him. Briefly, he left to go find some night clothes that might fit Kaeya before returning and placing them at the foot of his bed. Hesitating, he gently pressed a kiss to Kaeya’s hair before leaving the room for the night.
~*~*~
When Kaeya woke up, the first thing he registered was the splitting headache that felt like he was being hit repeatedly with a hammer. The second thing he noticed was how soft the bed was. I wish my bed was this nice, he thought, burrowing deeper into the sheets. Upon realizing that it wasn’t his bed, Kaeya sat bolt upright, causing a wave of nausea to crash over him. Spotting the wastebasket next to the bed, Kaeya pulled it towards him before upheaving the meager contents of his stomach. Kaeya groaned, leaning back against his pillows.
A knock sounded at the bedroom door some time later, and Kaeya’s head perked up.
“Come in?” he called. The door opened, revealing Diluc with a bag slung over his shoulder. It was only then that Kaeya took note of just what room he was in.
“Hey. Did you sleep well?” Diluc asked awkwardly as Kaeya stared at him. He chuckled awkwardly. “I assume you don’t remember anything from last night?”
“Diluc what the fuck.” Kaeya shook his head. “Did you fucken kidnap me or something?” He grabbed the glass of water that had been by his bed when he woke up and took a long drink.
“Not really? I mean you agreed to it. You were telling me about how you missed me and shit so I figured you could just come spend Christmas here.” Diluc rubbed his neck awkwardly. Something passed over Kaeya’s face, as if a mask that hadn’t been on before had just slipped into place.
“Well I appreciate it, Master Diluc, but I really don’t need your pity. I’m doing just fine on my own, so if you’ll excuse me I should be getting back to Mondstadt.” Kaeya’s voice had taken on the usual lilting tone that he used around the general public of Mondstadt. Diluc’s face tightened. Was that disappointment?
“Kaeya no, I didn’t do it out of pity. This is a conversation better suited for when you aren’t in bed hugging a bin of your own vomit,” Diluc said, watching in amusement as Kaeya startled and pushed the waste bin away from him. “I brought you a bag of clothes. I trust you remember where the bathroom is, come downstairs once you’ve freshened up a little bit. Oh, and here, for your headache.” Diluc tossed the bag over his shoulder and a small bottle of herbal medicine at Kaeya before turning and closing the door behind him.
~*~
When Kaeya came down the stairs clutching Diluc’s present to his chest, the first thing he noticed was the tree. The second was Adeline, standing at the foot of the stairs waiting for him. He hurried down the stairs to her.
“Good morning, Master Kaeya,” Adeline greeted, half curtseying.
“Careful, Miss Adeline, don’t let Master Diluc hear you say that. But good morning to you too. Any chance you would know where I could put this present for Diluc?” he replied, gesturing to the presents in his hands.
“Of course! Right over here!” Adeline led Kaeya over to the tree, indicating he put the present down among the others under the tree.
“My my, Master Diluc sure is popular,” Kaeya tutted, noting the amount of presents. Adeline only smiled, leading Kaeya to the dining room once he relinquished his present. Diluc stood up from the table when Kaeya and Adeline entered, watching Kaeya until he sat down across from him. Both men were in their childhood seats, the head of the table left empty for a man who would never again sit down to eat with them. Two maids that Kaeya didn’t know entered, serving breakfast to both brothers before departing, giggling. Kaeya stared at the full plate in front of him, wondering how much he’d actually be able to eat. Determined to try, he picked up his fork and began eating.
“So why exactly am I here?” Kaeya asked as it began getting harder to eat. Diluc sighed and set down his fork, running a hand through his hair. Kaeya supressed a smile, it seemed Diluc still fell back into old nervous habits.
“When I went to check on you last night-”
“Why would you check on me?”
“Because I was worried. Don’t interrupt. When I went to check on you last night, you told me that you missed me and wanted to go home to the winery. And-” Diluc took a breath, “I missed you too. I miss being brothers, and I’m so sorry for what happened that night. I know sorry doesn’t fix it, but I want to try to fix it any way you’ll let me.” Diluc looked down at his plate, running both hands through his hair now. Kaeya stared at him for a moment before getting up and closing both hands over Diluc’s wrists to stop him from running them through his hair.
“I’m willing to try too. As long as you forget about anything embarrassing I did last night,” Kaeya assured, tugging Diluc’s hands away from his hair. Diluc snorted and stood up.
“I’m glad. Now come on, we have presents to open.” Diluc tugged Kaeya toward the foyer, where the tree was. “We?” Kaeya echoed. “Yes, we. You don’t think I didn’t get my baby brother anything did you?” Diluc glanced back at Kaeya with a raised eyebrow. Kaeya huffed a laugh and shook his head, internally soaring at the nickname. They still had a long way to go, but Kaeya was content. He was home, home where he belonged.