Chapter Text
Tony wakes up groggy, queasy, and stoned out of his mind.
“Pepper,” he moans, which is soon followed by a heavy burp. Then he moves his head ever so slightly and he immediately feels the drool that had pooled beneath his cheek on the silk pillowcase.
There’s no answer, so he frowns and smacks his lips. Slowly arranging his arms beneath his body to lever himself up just enough to glance around the room. His bed partner from last night is passed out beside him, mouth hanging open and snoring so unelegantly it makes Tony wonder how he had ever found her attractive even while drunk off his ass.
“Pepper!” He tries again with an audible slur to his words. He blinks his eyes slowly.
God, he must’ve smoked a lot last night to still be this high.
“Sir, Ms. Potts has taken this week off. She informed you several months ago.”
Tony winces at the volume and rolls himself off the bed and grimaces at another grating snore. “I don’t care,” he says, rubbing at his temple, tending mostly to his ears to block out the noises. He stumbles for the door and hurries his way down the hall to his own room. He couldn’t stand to be in there with that woman a moment longer.
He makes a quick trip to the bathroom to purge his stomach, then collapses onto his own bed, whining like a petulant child into his pillow, “I need her.”
“Very well, Sir,” JARVIS responds, “although, might I note she will not be very happy to hear you are calling her during her week off.”
Tony grunts in acknowledgement, but he gives no word to retract his previous request.
“Tony?” JARVIS plays the call over the speakers and Pepper’s voice echoes through the room. It’s the first sound that morning that didn’t grate against his eardrums, “is everything okay?”
“Potts,” Tony groans with his cheek pressed firmly into his pillow which only muffles his words, “I need you.”
There’s a long silence on the other end of the line.
“What?” Pepper snaps. “Do not tell me you are asking me to come in during my week off…”
“Pepper, I need you.”
“Tony, you are a grown man and you are capable of taking care of yourself. There are professional boundaries we do not cross and that includes calling me in during my official time off for a minor inconvenience.”
“This isn’t some minor inconvenience, Potts,” Tony argues, rolling onto his back. “It’s an emergency and I need you here now.”
What else could she possibly be doing that was more important than her job?
There’s another long pause.
“Ok,” Pepper eventually relents, “I’ll be there soon, but I swear to God Tony, this better not happen again.”
Tony grins in triumph as the line cuts off. Pepper was on her way.
He must have fallen asleep or something because the next moment he’s being shaken awake by a strong grip on his shoulder. Then he notices the rough fabric tickling the naked skin of his torso and he glances down to see the towel Pepper must have thrown over him to conceal his modesty and perhaps save her from the embarrassment.
Then a wave of nausea hits him full force and he drops his head back to the pillow, groaning in complaint.
“I cannot believe you,” he hears Pepper muttering, and then the slamming of his dresser drawers as she rummages through his things. “You call me because you’re drunk… that is not an emergency Tony!” She throws a bundle of clothes in his face.
“‘M not drunk,” Tony argues, swatting away the clothes and begins to sit up, “I’m hungover.” He leaves off the ‘and maybe a little high’ bit. “That’s like the opposite of drunk.”
“No,” Pepper laments, “the opposite of drunk is sober.”
She leaves and makes sure to slam the door behind her. Tony cradles his head and curses the piercing migraine, but at least Pepper was here now to take care of him.
“Tell Potts to get started on that special hangover cure of hers,” he tells JARVIS a few minutes later when the pounding peters away to something a bit more manageable. He forces himself off the bed, the towel falling to the floor in a heap by his feet.
“She’s already started, sir.”
Tony smiles and starts moving for the bathroom. “God, I love that woman.”
“We know sir,” JARVIS snarks.
Tony rolls his eyes and goes about his routine rather sluggishly, brushing his teeth and hair, and cleaning his face. Five minutes later he was ready to face Pepper and her wrath. When he made a move to leave the room he had enough sense to grab his favorite pair of red briefs and slip them on.
The weed must have worn off a little more while he was sleeping because now all he felt was the hangover. There was no sweet relief to dull the effects as he shuffled towards the staircase. The light bleeding into the house from all angles was blinding and infuriating and he knows Pepper told JARVIS to lift the blinds just to spite him.
“Pepper!” He yells, stomping down the stairs with no sense of gracefulness.
She doesn’t answer him. She must be giving him the silent treatment also. She did that sometimes when she got pissed, which was pretty often, and ironically he hated that more than her usual haranguing.
But then he reaches the main floor and stops dead in his tracks. Because there is a fucking child sitting in his Living Room… staring. He suddenly feels very naked and exposed especially when the kid’s gaze very obviously drops below his torso.
“Hey kid!” He snaps, “eyes up here.”
The kid’s eyes immediately snap away and flinches back until he’s cowering safely in the corner of the sofa.
“How the hell did you get in here?” He approaches even despite the child’s evident fear. Had that girl from last night somehow snuck her kid in here with them without him noticing? How long has he been here?
“I-I-I,” the kid stammers.
The last thing he needed was for some kid to have been nosing around his things all night. Goodness knows how many handprints he’ll be finding on his windows for the foreseeable future. Why didn’t JARVIS inform him about the unknown guest?
“Peter, honey?” Pepper calls, followed by a series of soft footsteps as she approaches. Which was very uncharacteristic of her considering she tended to wear those sexy heels every damn day that echoed and clicked everywhere she went to warn Tony of her oncoming appearance.
The kid darts from the couch and books it towards Pepper, so Tony can only assume that Pepper was the one responsible for bringing the kid into his home. He collides into her just as she comes into Tony’s view, hugging her tight around the waist and hiding his face in her abdomen.
There’s a long pause between them before Tony finally breaks it.
“You got a kid?” He points, waving his finger in a small circle in gesture to the whole situation.
“Where are your clothes?!” Pepper hissed instead, completely dismissing Tony’s inquiry.
Tony scoffs, voice rising in pitch to defend himself. “I am wearing clothes.” He gestures to the briefs settled snugly on his hips.
“You’re practically naked. Go put on some clothes.” She’s holding onto the back of the kid’s head, holding him tightly against her like she thought the sight of Tony in only underwear would blind him for the rest of his life.
“There is a child here, Tony. Go put on clothes.”
“We’re both guys, right kiddo,” Tony addressed the kid, “nothing here you haven’t seen before.”
Peter peeks out at him for just a moment, before Pepper was twisting to block his view once more. She scowls at Tony with a heat he rarely sees. Then she strokes the kid’s hair and looks down to speak to him. “Why don’t you go wait for me in the kitchen, Hon? I made you some bacon and eggs for breakfast.”
The kid eagerly nods his head and dashes towards the kitchen… which left Pepper and Tony all alone. He’s the one that moves closer because she’s glaring daggers at him and her feet are planted firmly in place.
The headache from earlier has kinda taken a backseat for the moment with these recent revelations, and he’s just now noticed the uncharacteristic clothing choice Ms. Potts was sporting this fine morning. Jeans, loose t-shirt, and sneakers. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail too… and to top it all off… a cute sun visor was settled on top of her head. Tony grinned, and reached up to playfully pull on the bill of her hat. “What’s this Potts? I’m kinda liking this look.” He moves closer, bodies almost touching and he grinned down at her. Without her heels… she wasn’t towering over him.
She shoves him away roughly, a red tinge coming to her cheeks. Whether that was a blush or just her usual angry strain, he didn’t know but he liked to think it was the former.
“For your information,” she growled, “I was planning on taking my nephew to the zoo today, but you called and disrupted our plans.”
“Oh so he’s your nephew? Not your secret love child? That’s good.”
“Good?!” Pepper practically shrieks. “Good?! What?! Am I not allowed to have children now, Tony Stark? Are you that spoiled and pretentious to need my uninterrupted attention all the time? Am I not allowed to have a life beyond you and your chaotic, disgusting lifestyle?”
Tony remained blissfully silent while he let her finish her little tirade, a small smirk growing on his face and when she finally stopped for breath, Tony stepped close again. He tucked away a loose strand of hair that had fallen in the midst of her little outburst, and then pressed himself real close, ducking his head to whisper in her ear.
“No, of course not,” he whispers, fingers gently skirting up and down the exposed skin of her arm. “I’d always just imagined that when you did have a kid… he’d be mine… we can start trying now if you’d like.”
She doesn’t say a word, and she doesn’t move away when he gently grabs her hand, and Tony has the sudden urge to kiss her senseless. It was a thought that’s recurred more and more lately, usually during one of Pepper’s pissy moods… he always found her so hot when she got pissed at him. He knows she wouldn’t appreciate the gesture if he tried landing a smooch and he’d definitely get a slap to the face, but she still wasn’t moving away. So he tried something else just to test the waters… And just when he rolled his pelvis up against hers, she pushed him hard, and pointed a finger right in his face.
“Don’t make me call HR down here Stark. I won’t hesitate to file a lawsuit. I won’t be harassed.”
Tony holds up his hands. “Hey, I’m just being honest here Potts. We both know we’ve been dancing around this thing between us for a while now.”
“There is no thing, Tony.”
“Surre, keep telling yourself that.” He winks at her and begins his way to the kitchen.
“Tony, go change.”
“Pepper, this is my house. I can wear whatever I damn well please. You’ve seen far worse.”
“There is a child here,” Pepper hissed again.
“Yeah and whose fault is that? You knew coming in here I was most likely drunk off my ass and there was probably a beautifully naked woman in my bed. This is not a rare occurrence Pep.”
Pepper jabs her finger into his chest. “You called me, on the week that I took off to spend with my nephew. I did not have time to call a sitter so I could come over here and cater to your grown ass.”
“Fair point,” Tony relents, then he glances down at himself, his only source of coverage leaving little to the imagination. He grins because he knows this is why she was so flustered. “Too bad… I really do love this look. Does great things for my ass. And they’re so silky,” he rubs the fabric with a grin, “wanna feel?”
Pepper glowers at him.
“Go. Get. Dressed.”
“Yeah, yeah. Quit haranguing me,” He begins his trek back towards the stairs and calls over his shoulder to her. “I think I made a pretty good first impression by the way. He’ll warm up to me soon.”
“You won’t be seeing him again, Tony,” Pepper answers swiftly. “We’ll be gone by the time you’re back downstairs. Your breakfast and your drink are already waiting for you. JARVIS will take care of the woman in your bed. I’m done. Don’t call me again.” Then she turns and walks away, and Tony’s left to stare at her back.
He must have royally pissed her off this time.