Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

¹ The whistle of the Interdimensional Dark World Train blew loudly, heard all throughout Card Kingdom as the portal opened and the train entered their reality.

Kibitzer was just at the edge of the Great Board when they heard it and then broke into a run. They carried nothing but some Dark Dollars in the front pocket of their orange hoodie, as there was no sense in bogging themself down with extra items when they didn’t know where they would end up.

They were finally going on their first train ride, to explore another world—another kingdom, or perhaps it would be something else entirely. They had spent too many years thinking about it and failing to work up to courage to try. Today, that changed.

The train station was deeper in Scarlet Forest, a good few miles from Card Castle. The landing spot was protected by a very large curved roof to shelter the people getting on and off. Kibitzer jumped off the path and made their way straight through the forest, having played there plenty as a teenager and learned the area fairly well. It cut their travel time enough that they re-emerged out of the forest just as the last few people were boarding, so they rushed forward to join them.

Immediately inside was a large screen listing the locations the train stopped at. There wasn’t really an actual distance between them, as the train traveled through a magic portal, but rather an order of which place was up next. And Kibitzer had no particular destination in mind regardless, so they ignored the board and went to find a seat.

² The Cyber World

was very different from Card Kingdom.

Namely, there were people crowded in every direction, never enough room to just stroll along. It was loud, someone was always honking a horn or revving their wheels to show off. And then there were the legged cars, which seemed to have minds of their own.

And that was how Kibitzer got chased into a carnival. Pushing themselves in between the first line they saw, they successfully evaded the wild cars and hid amongst the line of Darkners.

Totally smooth... or so they thought.

“Hey—h-EY!” They felt someone poke their arm a couple times, so they knew it was directed at them. “[[My Eyes Are Up Here]]!”

³ The stranger stopped poking them, but it was too late, and they turned around to give whoever it was a judgmental quirk of one of their eyebrows. “Uhhh, I don’t think you meant to say that.”

From what they could see, the person behind them agreed, as he was looking down at his hands with a visible crease in his brow as he tried to figure out why that comment hadn’t quite felt right.

He had possibly the greasiest black hair they’d ever seen, which he was clearly attempting to keep slicked back, but it was messy and sticking out every which way. His face was pale white and sporting, as if its very structure didn’t allow him to relax his mouth. Though, in his clear confusion, he was sure as hell trying, so at least the corners of his mouth were turned down this time around, but still connected to the bright red circles on his cheeks. Over a comically long, tapered nose rested a pair of round glasses that obstructed his eyes quite a bit, one lense a pale pink and the other a soft yellow.

“You d—don’t have to tell me [[Two times the noise for the price of one!]] You can’t expect a [#1 Rated Salesman] to have the perfect line at the ready every time!” he replied, his throat tense with aggravation.

Kibitzer tilted their head a little as they processed the seemingly inserted phrases peppering his speech. It sounded as if someone had taken low quality clips from radio shows and TV ads and stitched them into his sentences. “Can too, if you’re a salesman!” they retorted. They looked over his outfit: an old, tattered black suit over a white undershirt and pants of the same color, all stained and dirty. “What do you sell, anyway?”

He tilted his head up slightly, and Kibitzer finally got to see a fully-formed grin appear on his face, showing off more teeth than the average person might. “Well, I’m [so excited and I just can’t hide it] you asked! I sell—I sell...!”

He paused abruptly, almost as if stalling so he could remember the words and continue the sentence without saying “um.” However, as more time passed and the line in front of Kibitzer scooted forward a bit, they saw him start to jitter and shake, like a broken machine stuck on one function.

“Hey, the line’s moving...!” someone behind him prodded.

Kibitzer huffed softly through their nostrils and waved their hand in front of the strange man. “Move your feet while you malfunction, okay?”

He seemed to snap out of his trance right then, and once he noticed Kibitzer standing two feet ahead, he quickly closed the gap between them with a twitchy little hop.

Kibitzer seemed to only now consider what they were in line for, and a wide grin formed on their face. “Laser tag? That sounds cool.”

The man behind them perked up at their comment. “It is!” He held his arms out to his sides, bending them in and curling his fists up in excitement. “It’s [[Pain-Free]] and [[Free 2 Play (contains in-game purchases)]]!”

Kibitzer tilted their head towards him, their smile faltering as they processed the inserted phrases. “Why are you advertising something you’re waiting in line for?”

“I can [pawn off] ANYTHING!” he blurted out, his body trembling again and his grin ever-strong. “The name’s Spamton G. Spamton! Ask me about [[Deals]]! I have just the thing you need!” He paused, face stiffening as if he realized something.

Kibitzer snorted. “How do you do that?”

He seemed to grin even wider, his eyes full of excitement. “Skills I’ve developed since [1997]! You won’t believe—”

“No, wait.” They waved their hand to stop him. “I meant, how do you change your voice so fast? That’s pretty funny.”

He stopped, frozen with a light tilt to the right and with one corner of his smile cutting under his glasses. He stared at them for a good five seconds, before perking up again. “Never mind my [voice malfunction]. I have a [[Specil Deal]] for you!”

“Oh yeah?” They looked up at his face. He was only a little taller than them, standing at 5’3” while they watched him from their 5’0” perch. “What’s that?”

“Listen,” he said, his voice oddly clear at first. “There’s a [[Must-Have!]] cash [prize] for the winner of the [Lasergame]. But the challenge is [[2 for 1 Specil]]—” His face became tense and he stared over their head, visibly irritated with his own speech glitches. “I can’t [[Click here to join]] without a [business partner].... What do you say?”

Kibitzer stood there and took a moment to process his request. It wasn’t really a difficult decision at all, really. They had come here to experience something new, after all. Soon, they met his lingering frozen smile with a toothy grin of their own. “Hell yeah!”

Spamton brightened up immediately, losing the tension in his face. “Excellent! Then we’ve got a deal!” He held his right hand out, and Kibitzer could see that it was wrapped in dirty bandages, ruined by old dried blood and just too much use.

“Hah! Sure, whatever!” They reached out and took his hand, some part of them electing to be gentle in case his hands were sore. “You can call me Kibitzer, by the way.”

He was silent for a moment, and then suddenly—“[Kibitzer!]” It was like he had sifted through old ads and found one with that word in it. “I like it! Sounds like [itty bitty].”

“No, it literally doesn’t,” they said with a straight-faced smile.

As the two of them finally made it inside, they ended up having to pay a small fee to enter the challenge—it was only the normal play that was free.

Spamton turned his head away slightly as soon as Kibitzer looked at him. “You got this, right? I left my [empty] wallet at home.”

Kibitzer was already reaching into their pocket to pull out some Dark Dollars. “I figured. You’re good.” They stood up a little straighter to get a better look at the automatic system that would take their money. “Um… what’s going on here?”

Spamton leaned over them a little, prompting them to bend forward further as he unintentionally brushed too far into their space. “OH! That’s just [high-tech security]! Just put the Kromer in the [feeding hole].”

“Put the what in the where?” they blurted out, raising an eyebrow extra high as a means of deliberately questioning him with their face.

Suddenly, Spamton backed up to a normal distance from them and held both his hands out expectantly. “If you give me your Kromer, I can demonstrate, [[Or Your Money Back!]]”

“Kro—” They stopped, and looked at the small wad of money in their hand. Obviously, he had to be talking about that.

“[currency: kromer], only [[$4.99]]!” he added needlessly with an almost joyful grin.

One of their eyes twitched slightly with an oncoming smile, but they stifled it, and slapped the whole wad of money into his hands. “Have at it.”

He suddenly let out a brief cackle as he received the money, and he held it like he was afraid it would get blown away. Kibitzer stepped aside as he approached the bot at the counter and the large sign listing the prices for each activity. They leaned over the counter and watched as he flattened each individual bill and stuck the first half-inch into a thin slot, before the rest of it was whisked away inside.

“Whoa!” they said, their ears twitching as they watched the fascinating display.

Spamton fed the bot until it had received enough for both of them to enter the challenge as a team, and then pressed the appropriate buttons to get them started. After a few moments and some strange whirring from the machine, it printed out a small plastic card through a different slot, which he quickly handed to Kibitzer before collecting his own.

“And now we are [battle-ready]!” he said.

“Great!” Kibitzer replied, holding up their card and looking over the imagery and words printed on it. The carnival’s red logo was overlaid on a soft gradient of yellow and orange, like a sunset. At the bottom was a randomly-generated member number and a barcode. “Can I have the rest of my money back now?”

“[[Here’s your change]],” he replied, handing them the remainder of the money they’d let him work with.

As they walked inside together, they heard someone behind them mutter, “About time..” and “Jeez, who doesn’t know how to pay for shit?”

Kibitzer huffed softly through their nose and said nothing. But they heard Spamton grumble, “Lousy [schmucks],” and somehow that helped them shake off their own annoyance.

⁴ The room just outside the arena was well-lit, but not bright. There were various black laser guns mounted on the walls with their barrels pointed down towards the floor, and next to each one was a box. Every gun and box pair was covered in a green glass window, each of which had a metal border sporting a small slot that would likely fit the cards they had paid for.

“Soooo, how do you play this game anyway?” Kibitzer asked as they hesitantly approached the wall of equipment and held their card towards one of the slots.

“Mmm[Mmm]mmMMMMHHhh…” Spamton droned on. “I have no idea!”

They slid the card in and about half of it was swallowed before a light above the slot turned from red to green, and the window opened up with a ‘click.’ Spamton copied their action, and the two of them pulled out their supplies.

“Right, well, we’ll figure it out!” Kibitzer said, opening their box and finding a pile of circular objects with what looked like dormant screens on them. Underneath them was a piece of paper with diagrams and instructions for what to do with them. “Oh, good. This is helpful.”

Spamton seemed more interested in trying out the gun first, and after some fiddling, he got it to turn on, sending a thin line of unrelenting red light across the entire room. “This weapon has [strong eyes].”

“Right??” Kibitzer held up the circular receivers and looked at the diagrams before clipping each one to various parts of their clothing—or for spots like knees, they came with a strap. “I think I get it! These are like targets.” When they were finished, they had one on each knee, on the back of each calf, two on each arm, three on their chest, and they only had one left, which was meant to be clipped to their back. “Hmm… we might need to help each other with the last one.”

Spamton was still pointing the laser around the room. “What the [[Five-dollar sale]], there’s no trigger!”

“Put your stuff on, dude!” Kibitzer said, chuckling. “I don’t think it needs a trigger.”

More people had come into the room as they fiddled with their equipment, and were checking out kits of their own. So far, it looked like two more pairs had entered, and a fifth person was peeking their head in before bringing their teammate in.

When Spamton finally opened his box of targets, he picked one up and gave it a suspicious gaze before he was interrupted by Kibitzer holding out their remaining target in front of him.

“Hey, real quick—can you clip this one to my back? Like, right in the middle,” they asked.

He looked up at them and his smile returned, almost like a default state. It was a little flat compared to when he had been genuinely excited to have them on his team. “Deal!”

They turned their back to him and bent down a bit so he would have easy access. “Just pin it to my hoodie.”

Wordlessly, he did as they asked, and then they got to work helping him get his targets on since he had spent all that time playing with the laser gun. Soon, their team, as well as three others, were ready to enter the arena. Each pair was fairly obvious, sticking close to each other as they all went inside.

What they entered, at first, was a pitch black room, and so everyone paused and waited.

One by one, lights of various colors appeared, starting in the far back and making their way to the front where everyone was standing. Though, now that they were seeing the arena in its entirety, it became clear that the majority of the lighting was actually coming from colorful objects decorating the room. Only a few lasers moved around slowly, with the rest of the oddly bright room being illuminated by black lights on the ceiling.

“[Pretty]...” Spamton muttered.

“Blinding,” Kibitzer added.

“Attention contestants: The Laser Tag Challenge is about to begin,” spoke a rather chipper feminine voice from intercoms on the ceiling. “The rules are simple. Do not take off or obscure any of your worn targets. The last team or person standing wins the challenge for their team. You’re out after you take five hits. And watch out for obstacles~” She practically sang out that last part. “Everyone, choose a different starting point and wait for the countdown.”

Kibitzer looked around, squinting their eyes a little as they adjusted to the bright reflected light all around them. Suddenly, Spamton was leaning uncomfortably close to them again, his cheek a mere few inches from theirs.

“Come with me! I’m good at hiding!” he said.

They raised an eyebrow, but before they had any thought to lean away from him, he was already walking ahead of them. They stumbled for a moment to catch up to him. “We’re not really hiding, though. Just picking one of the default starting points.”

Spamton quickly found one of the designated homes in between two seemingly glowing pillars of pink concrete. “We’ll start here, [where the light doesn’t reach].” He turned and backed into the corner with his back straight so most of the black light failed to reach him, and the clearest thing Kibitzer could see were his reflective glasses and the bright red spots on his cheeks. The way he smiled at them invoked a request for approval, which they gave by following him and huddling into the corner next to him after a few extra moments.

“Alright. You ready for this?” they said.

“Just don’t [double-cross] me,” Spamton replied. It was hard to tell if he was serious or not by his slightly tense tone, so they decided to reassure him just in case.

“Why would I do that? You still win as long as I do, so I would only be screwing myself if I intentionally got you out,” they explained with a mischievous glare. “Besides, I think we’ve got this in the bag.” They turned to him and held up their hand, balled into a fist with their knuckles facing out. “Have each other’s backs, got it?”

He stared at their fist, eyes wide and open with curiosity for a few moments. He raised his own hand, holding it near their’s and leaving it loosely open. His eyebrows scrunched together in a look of obvious confusion, but he pressed on anyway, closing his hand into a fist to mimic theirs, before Kibitzer bumped their fist into his.

“There ya go!” they said, grinning.

“Attention contestants. The countdown is about to begin, and when it hits 0, you’re free to leave your starting points and go to war!” said the cheerful voice on the intercom.

Kibitzer and Spamton readied their laser guns as the countdown started.

3

2

1

0

⁵ Kibitzer left the corner first and aimed their fog-piercing laser down a long corridor broken up by walls and other tall objects that were glowing in the black light. Their orange hoodie looked neon under it, and Spamton’s cheek spots glowed in a similar fashion as he followed close behind them.

It wasn’t long before an Ambyu-Lance and a Plugboy were rounding a corner with their guns, sporting green lasers instead of their team’s red.

“Eeeeee! Two at once!” the Plugboy said, quickly waving their laser at them.

“I’ll have these viruses cleaned up in no time, wee-woo!” the Ambyu-Lance commented as they aimed their laser at Spamton specifically.

There was a low-pitched buzz from one of his targets, indicating that he’d been hit, and Kibitzer slid in front of him to shoot back.

“[Virus]? I’ve never infected a [[Windows 97]] in my life!” Spamton argued.

“Shoot or run! No time for trash talking!” Kibitzer said, pushing their hand back to usher Spamton away.

Two more buzzes sounded as each of their opponents received a hit point. Kibitzer turned and ran the opposite direction, quickly ducking behind a pillar to get out of the line of fire. With their back against the pillar, they could see the green lasers moving around behind them, before one of them steadied—the Ambyu-Lance’s, they guessed.

Kibitzer knew they had to think fast, so they pulled their glasses off their face and folded them up, revealing bright yellow pupil-less eyes. Just as they stuffed the folded shades into their hoodie pocket, the steady laser suddenly turned in their direction as their opponent rounded the pillar, gun at the ready. Kibitzer turned their head and stared at the Ambyu-Lance, and their eyes glowed brightly.

As the Ambyu-Lance’s movements ceased, Kibitzer stepped away from the pillar, maintaining their stare as they carefully backed up away from the opponent.

The Ambyu-Lance strained themself as they failed to even move their mouth. “Gtt… bhk…!”

A grin formed on Kibitzer’s face, and they shamelessly held their gun out to shoot their target again before quickly ducking behind a wall and disappearing. They snickered to themself as they heard the Ambyu-Lance’s voice return and shout in confusion to their teammate.

“What the heck, where were you?? Something weird happened and I couldn’t move!”

“What the heck!” the high-pitched voice of the Plugboy repeated, getting quieter as Kibitzer moved farther away from the other team.

Kibitzer paused at the end of the pair of walls they were traveling past and peered out. They held their gun downwards to avoid giving themself away too easily. “Jeez, where’d he go?” They jumped out into the open and then ducked behind another set of walls. It was empty here too, and so they rushed to the other side and looked out. They spotted a pair of blue lasers leading to a Virovirokun and another Plugboy. But no sign of Spamton’s red laser.

They huffed and quickly aimed their laser at the Virovirokun, nailing one of their targets and getting a startled yelp from them.

“Enemies afoot!!” they shouted.

“I see em!” the Plugboy replied, turning their laser towards Kibitzer and easily landing a hit on one of their chest targets.

Kibitzer jumped, not expecting to be spotted and dealt with so swiftly. They quickly ducked out of the laser’s line and ran past the team. They were heading for the nearest cover when they saw another red laser aim past them and hit the Plugboy behind them.

“Damn it!” the enemy cursed in response.

Kibitzer turned around and gave them the same stare they had given the Ambyu-Lance, and aimed their own laser at them as well and giving them a second hit point right off the bat.

“[There you are]!” Spamton’s staticky radio voice greeted as he approached them. “I thought you were [[Follow me on social media!]]”

They huffed out a tiny laugh and kept their eyes on the Plugboy, whose teammate was starting to get worried.

“Hey! What are you doing??” the Virovirokun prodded, poking the Plugboy with a pink arrow.

Spamton didn’t question it, shooting the Virovirokun from behind Kibitzer. The Virovirokun jumped in surprise and frantically aimed their laser towards them while hesitantly backing away.

“Plugboy, come on! You can’t just stand there!” they pleaded.

Now, both Kibitzer and Spamton were pointing their lasers at them, and that was enough to get the virus running for cover.

“Heh!” Kibitzer then turned their laser on the poor, frozen Plugboy. But before they could hit them again, their little pink body jumped forward, startled gasps escaping them. They scurried away, shouting for their teammate to wait for them. Kibitzer had finally blinked, releasing their hold.

Spamton leaned over them, staring at the spot where the blue team had just been. “That was [[Bizarre Summer]].”

Kibitzer grinned, chuckling as they glanced behind them to make sure no one could sneak up on them. “Nah, it’s just the thing I do.” They looked up at him, finally giving him a chance to see their eyes. “I’ll show you! C’mon!”

Spamton remained silent, but he followed closely behind them as the pair made their way in between walls and pillars, in search of prey. Along the way, they heard some commotion nearby, two teams clashing and yelling at one another.

“You’ll pay for that, virus!”

“You can’t just label me!”

It sounded like the Ambyu-Lance and Virovirokun, which meant—

“Eeeeee!! I’ve been got!”

The Plugboy on the blue team had easily taken out the one on the green team.

“Sounds like we’ve got targets comin up,” Kibitzer murmured quietly. “Try to find the green laser.”

The two of them watched the fog for the reflection of green light. The blue lights were nowhere to be seen, likely gone in the opposite direction. But soon enough, they spotted their lone target, clutching the laser gun close and frantically looking in every direction to check for opponents.

“Watch this. When they freeze up, shoot ‘em until they’re out,” Kibitzer said, smirking to themself. They rushed out in front of the Ambyu-Lance and activated their power once again, staring directly at them with a casual smile. “I’ve got you!”

The Ambyu-Lance, of course, didn’t respond.

And as Kibitzer had instructed, Spamton then hit the targets with his red laser, just shifting from one to the other to make it easier to hit them in succession. Once the final buzz went off and the green laser in their gun disappeared, Kibitzer blinked and laughed.

The Ambyu-Lance stared at their gun and then up at Kibitzer, a look of anger crossing their face. “Hacker!”

Kibitzer practically skipped around them with a smug grin. “What? I can’t hack nothin!”

“[Wow!]” Spamton said as they returned to his side. “I think the one with [specil] [[Eyes™]] is you!”

“Yeah, well, you still gotta not get hit while I ‘special eyes’ us to victory!” they said, smiling up at him.

And so, the two of them did exactly that, Kibitzer going wild with their power and freezing everyone they came across. Spamton learned that with some extra concentration, they could freeze multiple people, but not for very long. However, between Kibitzer’s disabling gaze and Spamton’s increasing excitement for ‘shooting’ people, they cleaned up the other teams fairly quickly.

By the time they were done, they were the only ones left in the arena, and had started talking as they headed back to the front.

“So, how much is the prize anyway?” Kibitzer asked, stretching their arms out a little while holding their gun in one hand.

When Spamton opened his mouth, he stopped moving, and a barrage of different numbers crackled out of his throat and overlapped each other. “Three hundred—five thou—ten—huNDR—[[1997]]—senichi—ԃσȥҽɳ ҽɠɠʂ—!” He twitched for a second, before slowly closing his mouth again and looking towards them. “I don’t know!”

Kibitzer couldn’t help but stare at him as he struggled to get out a straight answer, which sounded less like him thinking it over and more like he was rapidly scrolling through channels until he found the right one. After he calmed down, they finally shrugged and looked ahead of them. “That’s valid. I don’t really care. I had fun, heh!”

Spamton was quiet for a moment, but his mouth opened again and he smiled. “You had [fun value]?”

“Yeah, man! We made a good team,” they confirmed.

Walking out into the normal lighting of the lobby was blinding at first, and before Kibitzer could properly adjust, they were already putting their glasses back on.

“Well, Red Team, there you are,” a familiar cheery voice said from their right. The two of them turned their heads to finally put a face to the voice of the announcer that had been guiding them.

She was a tall aqua-blue android with two disks floating above her head like makeshift buns. She had a cat-like face, complete with the little 3-shaped mouth, but her digital pupils were projected onto nearly half her eye-screens, giving her a very wide-eyed, high-on-catnip look.

“I hope you’re happy with yourselves!” she continued.

Kibitzer leaned back a little, reaching around themself to start taking their targets off. Spamton bent his knees and held his hands up, balled into fists to show excitement as he grinned wide at the lady.

“We made a [good team]!” he proclaimed happily.

“You’re disqualified!” she replied in the same cheerful tone, and pointed to Kibitzer. “You were clearly using magic to tip the scales, and it ruined the fun for everyone else!”

Suddenly called out, Kibitzer shrank a little and offered a sheepish grin. “Ohh, well, I guess I did that..”

Spamton stood back up, holding his arms at his sides as he looked at the robotic host. “Hey now! Can you prove [[In A Court Of Law]] that they were [underhanded tactic]?”

“Don’t need to! I can just kick you out because those are my rules!” she replied, tilting her head and smiling.

“That’s not very [[Big Shot]] of you,” Spamton said, giving her a glare that was really only conveyed with his eyebrows and slightly turned down mouth.

“Get. Out! Before I call security!” she chirped.

Kibitzer reached over and grabbed Spamton’s left hand without much thought, their expression stiffening quite a bit when they felt a prickly sensation. “Yep! We’re leaving now!” By now, they had tossed most of their targets onto a nearby table, but Spamton hadn’t removed any of his, so they turned to him and quickly unclipped them. He stayed still, the light of his glasses now a pure black, and just let Kibitzer work. “Okay, get this one?” They turned around, trying to point to the target on their back. He silently reached out and unclipped it, just holding it in his hand while Kibitzer jogged behind him to grab the target off his back in return. “Okay, done! Let’s go!” They grabbed his hand again—more carefully this time—and started to lead him out.

“Hey! Aren’t you going to put your supplies away properly?” the host bot asked with ever-so-slight tension in her voice.

Kibitzer turned and gave her a big grin of their own. “No!” they answered cheerfully, before disappearing and taking the taller puppet man with them.

The two of them left the laser tag building and went back outside, where the carnival remained noisy and crowded. Kibitzer felt cold air rush over their face, hands, and legs. Their torso remained warm, guarded by their hoodie. They looked upwards to the digital rings passing over the “sky.”

“It got chilly, huh?” they said.

They didn’t notice that they were still holding his hand until they turned to look at him, at which point they let go and stole a glance down at his hand. Their eyes caught sight of what appeared to be a ring made of thorns, caked in more dried blood. Somehow, they hadn’t noticed it until now.

Spamton glanced down at himself and then back to them. “[[+15%]]”

Kibitzer couldn’t imagine why he would be wearing something like that, but it didn’t seem to bother him at all. There wasn’t much they could do for him right now regardless. Both his hands had clearly met a lot of abuse, even without the ring. They supposed letting it be would be the easiest for both of them, though they knew they wouldn’t be able to stay quiet about it.

For now, they brushed it off, chuckling at his little voice glitch. “Yeah, something like that.”

Spamton looked back to the laser tag building and huffed, crossing his arms and pouting. “No [collect $200] for us….”

“Eheh… yeah, I guess I ruined it,” Kibitzer replied sheepishly. “Aw man, that means you can’t pay me back for the entry fee, huh?”

Spamton seemed to straighten right up and looked directly at them. “You underestimate a [salesman’s promise!]”

They snorted. “You didn’t promis—”

“[PLEASE]—" He reached out and grabbed both their shoulders, bending down a little to look them in the eyes with a manic grin. “Let me [[Pay]] my way out of this one.”

Kibitzer tittered, glancing at his ringed hand for a moment. “Okay, okay! Don’t blow a circuit over it!”

He stood back up, releasing their shoulders and offering his (right) hand instead, one eyebrow turned down slightly as if he were nervous. “I know [[Just The Thing You Need]]!”

“Yeah, alright.” They took his hand firmly and grinned. “Lead the way!”

He blurted out a cackle before quickly shutting himself up and walking forward, leading Kibitzer away from the line. With how close the laser tag building was to the edge of the carnival, it was only a few moments before they were stepping off the grounds and back onto the road.

The city was lit up so bright, one could be fooled into thinking there was a sun. Every building was lined with signs and neon lights, casting the people on the ground in countless, ever-changing colors. It was noisy too, with voices and music from every angle—half of it advertisements and the other half noise music.

Soon enough, Spamton slowed down and turned them towards a small building with bright white windows and a large neon sign that flashed the words, “Misty’s Café” in white cursive. Kibitzer wordlessly followed him inside, noting the noise that played overhead when they entered.

Bing bong!

⁶ They found themself staring. The room was small and cozy, but even still, it was bigger and more bustling than any store or restaurant they’d ever been in. Like outside, everything was lit up, and the color scheme seemed to be dominated by peach. Near the front of the café was a very small stage, where two pink Poppups were bouncing and singing without microphones. Their words were barely understandable and their voices seemed to glitch out at points, blending with the disjointed accompanying music.

“[LEt’s] sit here,” Spamton said almost suddenly, and rather than walk by the table like it had seemed, he released Kibitzer’s hand and plopped into one of the chairs, leaving them to pick another one and sit across from him.

They were already bobbing their head slightly to the music, despite how unlike music it sounded to them compared to what they were used to. “Wow, this is different.” They chuckled.

Spamton tilted his head. “What are you talking about?” Even when he spoke normally, his voice had this sales pitch tilt to it, as if he was about to follow-up by listing reasons they should buy a CD or something.

“Oh, just never heard music like this before,” they admitted. “It’s weird, but I think I like it?”

Before Spamton could answer, a pink Poppup bounced up from the floor next to their table, getting them both to visibly jump slightly. “ORDER… click here!” they blurted out.

Spamton leaned forward on the table, crossing one arm in front of himself for balance. “Gimme [2] Anologues!”

“YIP YIP! ...and you! ASOBOH...?” the Poppup asked as they turned to his table-mate.

They hummed, putting a finger to their chin in thought. “Uhhh, I’ll just have what he said cause I dunno what any of your food tastes like,” they said.

The Poppup squealed like a dolphin and disappeared back into the floor.

Kibitzer leaned off their chair and looked down at the floor, but the only sign that the Poppup had been there at all was a thin line indicating some kind of door. When they sat back up, they noticed Spamton already turning his head every which way, and at one point they could have sworn some pieces of him shifted to the right, as if cut directly out of existence and moved haphazardly.

“So, I’m guessing this is your treat?” they asked, noting how quickly his head snapped back to look at them, almost as if he had skipped moving altogether.

“OF [c0urse!] What do you take me for??” he replied.

“Well, I mean… you were totally on-board with cheating through the laser tag game,” they pointed out. “So I guess I take you for whatever that is.”

“He-EY!” he shouted, smacking his palms on the table and sitting up straighter. “L[e]t me tell you something! [Life Advice 101]. YOU saw an [[Once In A Lifetime Opportunity]] and you went for it! That’s a REAL [[Big Shot]] move!!”

Kibitzer found themself staring and soaking in his words. There was something inherently satisfying about being praised for their actions and having them framed in a light that made them seem clever instead of mischievous. By the time he was done, they were grinning wide. “Damn! What a compliment!”

“I [m3an it],” he insisted in a shockingly serious tone.

“No, I know, it’s just—! Thanks!” they clarified, letting out a short laugh.

Spamton stalled for a moment, just long enough to get interrupted by their waiter popping up out of the floor again, and holding two plates of the same dish.

“LOOK AT ME!” they shouted, before setting their plates down with surprising care. “ENJOY IT!!” With that, they were gone again.

The two of them looked at their plates, both holding two apple-sized analogue sticks covered in what looked like fried breading. The smell coming off them was a warm mix of seafood and grease.

“[h0chi mama!] I’m STARVING!” Spamton exclaimed, already picking up one of the analogues and popping the entire thing into his big mouth.

Kibitzer picked up one of theirs and cautiously pulled on it, breaking open the crust and revealing the inside: a mixture of some kind of purple meat and melted cheese. The smell increased as they opened it, and it made their mouth water. Steam billowed from the opening for a moment, but oddly enough, it didn’t feel hot enough to burn their hands… and Spamton had just eaten one without hesitation, after all. Still, they took caution and blew on it first, then took their first bite.

“Haaa…!” They held their mouth open, taking in deep breaths to soothe their tongue when the food turned out to be hot after all.

“[it burns!]” Spamton chirped, grinning nonetheless, and seeming to have already swallowed his first analogue.

“H-how’d you—?” Kibitzer huffed, still frantically breathing the heat away before finally chewing their bite.

“[[The Latest In]] [body-building technology]!” he boasted, maintaining an unnaturally wide grin as he watched Kibitzer recover from the shock of the burning heat.

“Eheh…!” They looked around, realizing they had nothing to soothe their tongue with. “Aw jeez. We didn’t order drinks.”

As if on cue, their waiter returned with a loud bounce. “DRINK? Click here!”

“Yeah, uh—” They glanced at Spamton. “Just water please.” They didn’t want to go tacking on an extra several D$ for a soft drink without asking.

“I’m [f1ne],” Spamton said, not showing much change in expression towards the Poppup, before they disappeared again. And then, without any hesitation, he snatched up his other analogue and threw it down his throat, not even stopping to chew it at all.

“Oh god!” Kibitzer exclaimed. “Why would you eat it like that?”

Spamton closed his mouth again and cocked an eyebrow slightly, but he didn’t say anything.

“There’s no flavor in swallowing it whole,” Kibitzer continued. “Jeez! Besides, who needs to eat that fast anyway?” They bit into their analogue again and then tensed up, holding their tongue out as they faced the same problem as before.

Their waiter popped up and sat Kibitzer’s water on the table with a little yip, and then left.

“Mmm, [[Keeps You Warm In The Winter]],” Spamton commented, patting his belly.

“Ugh…!” Kibitzer groaned and grabbed their cup of water, splashing it into their mouth to stop the burning. After a few moments, they finally finished chewing and swallowed their second bite. “Jeez. I guess I should just wait.”

“Oh….” Suddenly there was a groan in Spamton’s voice, and he reached up to hold his stomach.

“What? You put your stomach in shock from swallowing coals?” Kibitzer said, half-joking.

He was quiet for a moment, and Kibitzer could swear they heard a small crack from his stomach before he spoke again. “I think I woke up the [pipis]....”

Kibitzer blinked, their mind halting for a moment to try and make sense of his words. “You woke up—? What?”

Suddenly, his cheeks swelled wider than they probably should have been able to, and a torrent of—not vomit, but something—exploded from his mouth, earning a startled yell from Kibitzer as they jumped out of their chair. A writhing wave of black and white beings spilled onto the table, covered in a mixture of what looked like blood and… broken blue shells.

They hit the table like a tidal wave and then scattered, and finally Kibitzer saw what they actually were: miniature clones of Spamton himself, even wearing his suit and glasses.

Kibitzer stared with wide eyes and watched as the little creatures scrambled around the table, many of them letting out high-pitched giggles and some going straight for their food. Kibitzer didn’t have the initiative to tell them no, but the spamlings barely made a dent in their leftovers before they seemed to jerk and disappear out of thin air. Similar to Spamton’s earlier tick, it almost looked like pieces of them had just moved aside with no order or reason, before they disappeared entirely.

At least, most of them.

“EW—GOD, WHAT IS THAT!?” someone from the table next to them shrieked.

Kibitzer turned their head in time to see the spamling lunge at the person’s face, earning another scream before it clawed at their cheeks and glitched out of existence.

“Wicked!” Kibitzer exclaimed under their breath. It was only then that they seemed to remember to check on Spamton’s wellbeing, turning to find him still holding his stomach and retching out a straggling spamling onto the table. “Hey… you okay?”

Spamton’s demeanor almost immediately changed as he jerked his head back up and let go of his stomach. He straightened up and wiped the blood from his face, dirtying the old bandages on his hands further. “I-I—mmm [FINE]! Haehaehaehaa!!”

“Doesn’t seem like it,” Kibitzer muttered, before glancing down at the mess on the table and their ruined food. “Well… uh, I guess that takes care of the food being too hot!” They tried to offer a smile, but they couldn’t help breathing out a sheepish chuckle, clearly unsure if making a joke was what he wanted either.

Spamton stopped his cackling and held his hand over his mouth like he expected to throw up again. “We should [take a hike]..”

Kibitzer tensed a little, feeling a pang of indignation over leaving without having eaten more than two bites of food, but then they reminded themself that Spamton hadn’t actually owed them anything and was merely attempting to be nice… and then he got sick. “Heh, you think so? I guess I’ll get the tip if you get the—”

They felt a hand wrap around their wrist and tug them backwards as he walked past. “No need, [[I Know A Guy]],” he said.

“Ah—you sure?” They held a weak smile as their eyebrows turned up questioningly.

Kibitzer jumped slightly when they heard their waiter pop up behind them as Spamton led them away.

“BILL? Click he—AH!!” They actually seemed startled by the state of the table.

“Ny—aahh…!” Kibitzer hopped forward, suddenly a lot more eager to leave when they heard no recognition in the Poppup’s voice. “Okay, whatever, I trust you!” They let out a nervous chuckle and rushed forward, easily carrying them both out of the café just as their waiter began to screech half-coherent things towards the kitchen.

Once they were outside, Spamton’s grip on their wrist tightened. “[Escape]!” He turned to his left and started to actually run, and Kibitzer followed his pace without hesitation.

They turned their hand up to grab his wrist in return. “I.. th-thought you.. s-said you knew a guy!” they said, voice bouncing as they rushed down the sidewalk.

“I know everyone!” Spamton replied, oddly without any smugness in his tone. “But it’s [one-sided relationship].”

Kibitzer started to breathe heavily as they continued, Spamton showing no signs of such a hindrance. “W-well…! Sorry to hear that!” they replied, keeping their tone light-hearted.

The two of them rushed past more shops and billboards, though after what felt like a little too long on account of Kibitzer running out of breath, they finally started to see less populated areas.

“Wh.. where… are we… going??” Kibitzer finally gasped out.

Spamton stopped running suddenly, and turned his head to scan the surrounding space. It was a cross-section, though there wasn’t a lot of traffic in the area, nor people walking the streets. To their right was a small, dark alleyway.

Spamton grew tense for a moment, before turning to Kibitzer with a big smile. “Nowhere!”

Kibitzer was quiet for a moment, before giving him a half-smirk. “Heh, right on.” They let go of his hand and made their way to the curb, where they sat down and let out a heavy breath, before quickly replacing it with an even deeper one. “Oh man..” They stayed there, just breathing for a little bit. The wind picked up for a moment, and they shivered. “Jeez…! Are you cold at all?”

Spamton stood there in front of them with his legs straight and his arms hanging at his sides, looking down at them. Now that they thought about it, he had been in that position since they sat down. Just looking at them… maybe looking through them?

“Hey, you wanna sit down?” they asked, turning their head to look up at him.

He remained still for a couple seconds, and then in a less-than-graceful motion, he bent his legs and sank to the ground until he was crouching on his tip-toes with his knees to his chest and his arms crossed over them. The whole time, he had maintained his gaze towards them.

Kibitzer snickered. “Okay… that’s a position, I guess,” they muttered.

They looked back at him, both Darkners staring into the colorful shapes that obscured their eyes. But while Kibitzer couldn’t see his eyes, they still noticed a slight tension in his overall neutral expression.

After a few more moments of complete silence between them, Kibitzer spoke up again. “Arrrre you okay…? You’re weirdly quiet now.” They glanced to the side a little. “And you did just throw up.”

He sat back up off his knees, his grin finally returning and his body jittering a little. “I’m just [peachy]!” Even his voice sounded strained, like he was holding back a cough.

“Alriiiiight…” Kibitzer said, rolling their eyes and deciding to let it go. After all, they had many other questions rattling in their head, and now that it was clear he wasn’t totally zoned out, they grew more excited to start learning. “So!” They suddenly leaned forward with a big smile. “What was that back there anyway?”

Spamton leaned back a little, one corner of his mouth twitching up into a not-quite-grin. “What do you mean? It’s normal to be [sick of people],” he reasoned.

Kibitzer laughed. “No, no, no, I know that! I meant the babies!!” They held their hands up, as if grasping something invisible. “Like… where’d they come from?" They glanced down at their hands, flexing their fingers. “A-and where did they go??”

Spamton perked up quite a bit, perhaps from noticing their excitement. While a moment ago, he had seemed determined to avoid the subject, now he put on a proud smirk and announced, “The [[Miniature Spamton Clones © 1997]] come from [pipis]!”

“What’s pipis?” Kibitzer immediately followed up in the same eager tone.

Spamton looked at them, his smile tensing up again and pulling at his cheeks. “They’re [freeloaders] living in my [body],” he explained, his glasses going black for just a moment. “But now we’re [symbiotic relationship].”

Kibitzer leaned forward even more and tilted their head, staring up at his mouth while they subconsciously brushed their palms over their legs for a couple seconds. “Living inside you?? You’re joking.” Spamton turned his head away, keeping his mouth closed tight—or rather, his jaws. “How’s it symbiotic??” They sat back up. “Didn’t they just make you sick?”

Spamton seemed to perk up again for a moment, already having an explanation at the ready. “Well, they make a great [[$1.99 Snack In A Pinch!]]”

That got Kibitzer to pause again, and they stared at him with a half-formed, tense smile. “Snack?? Like, you eat them?” He looked away again, but they just continued. “Wait, how does that make sense if they’re already in your stomach? Does that mean you eat the babies too? Do you get nutrition from regular food or do the babies eat it?”

Spamton stared at them, turning his head slightly every now and then, eventually craning his neck to get a better look at their tiny little tail, wagging behind them as they eagerly spouted questions. They were genuinely interested in him and his weird stomach babies that stopped existing after a few moments.

Finally, he stopped them with a loud, almost frantic giggle. “I’ll tell you what, you [little sponge]. I’ll take you to visit my [[Homemade Storefront Site]] and just show you.”

“Sounds like a plan!” Kibitzer laughed.

Spamton bounced back up to his feet and grinned down at them. “[[Good Deal!]] Let’s [head back]!”

Kibitzer hummed and stood up. “Heh. Left your shop back with the others, huh?”

He turned his head away to look over his shoulder, at the intersection ahead of them. “[no]. It’s somewhere else.”

Despite the lack of people walking around, the roads ahead were packed with wheeled cars, all impatiently waiting for the light to turn green and let them continue. Along with the dense back-up, there didn’t seem to be a set of traffic buttons to affect it with.

“Lemme guess. It’s that way?” Kibitzer asked, pointing their finger towards the traffic jam.

Spamton’s tense smile returned, and he narrowed his eyes. “Yes.”

Kibitzer looked around, tilting their head up and scanning the rooftops. Their eyes trailed each one, and they sighed, putting their hands on their hips and shaking their head. But then, their eyes lit up, and they turned back to Spamton.

“Hey. Have you ever played ‘Touch The Sky?’”

He cocked an eyebrow, his eyes filling with frustration as he suddenly shouted, “PLAY!?” He raised his hand in front of his face and grasped at the air, still wearing a tense smile—it seemed to be his default expression at this point. “What kind of [cheap joke books] are you selling?”

Kibitzer’s smile twitched for a moment. “Eh?”

“I’ve been [clawing] my way to the top since I was [[Hello W0rld!]]” he continued. “If anyone knows how to [shoot for the sky], IT’S ME!”

Kibitzer could tell he was genuinely worked up, but his odd manner of speaking and exaggerated movements made it hard not to be just a little amused.

“Alright, alright! Come on, I have an idea!” they said through a chuckle.

Spamton watched them as they jogged towards the line of buildings on the other side of the vacant road and paused to bend over and rub some friction onto their cold legs, before clambering onto a trash can. They carefully lifted their top half and stood up on the lid, and just before they could lose their balance, they pushed off of it, successfully launching into the air, but denting the lid and toppling the whole trash can over in the process. It hit the ground with a loud thud, spilling some heavy bags out.

Kibitzer quickly grabbed onto a metal railing above them and kicked at the concrete wall of the building it was attached to until they could pull themself up higher. Once they got their foot on the edge of the matching mesh platform, they were able to pull themself the rest of the way up.

They turned back around and looked down at Spamton below them. He was standing with his arms at his sides and his palms facing the ground as if he was about to flap his hands like wings. He tilted his head to look up at them.

“I always climbed trees when we—wanted to get up higher at home,” they said, pausing briefly to omit further mentions of the game. “But uh… I guess we’ll work with what we got.” They got down on their knees and reached down. “Here, I’ll help you up!”

Spamton grinned wide and let out a little cackle. “Oh, you silly little [worm]! You underestimate my [[Capacity For Pain]].” He was already striding towards the base of the building, and before Kibitzer thought to ask any questions, he was climbing straight up the side of the building, digging his fingers in between the bricks and using the barest corners as steps.

Kibitzer gasped softly and rushed over to the adjacent side of the metal platform, bending between the bars of the railing and reaching for him. “Shit, doesn’t that hurt??”

He ignored their question, concentrating on where he was putting his hands, but to their relief, he did take their hand when he got high enough to reach them, leaving him in a similar spot that they had been after they jumped off the trash can.

They held on tight despite the little thorns on his ring poking their skin, threatening to break through as they kept their grip firm and started pulling him up. He found it easier to get his feet up to the platform than they had, and soon he was pulling himself over the side, where he then flopped over onto his back, his shoes hitting the grate and making it clang.

Kibitzer rubbed their hand for a moment and looked down at him, lying there with his arms and legs spread out lazily, and they snorted. “Jeez! Okay, that was impressive!” They watched him sit up and flex his fingers. “I guess you are the best at reaching for the sky.”

Suddenly, he was scrambling to his feet and puffing out his chest with a proud smile. “Y—you’d—bEtT3R believe I am!” he replied, his head glitching for a moment.

Kibitzer’s eyes widened for a moment. “Well…! Have you ever walked on those?” They pointed towards a thin black line that was strung through wooden poles and went on for blocks.

“WHAT!? NO!” Spamton said, his voice carrying a chuckle. “That’s [frying my brain]!”

Kibitzer pursed their lips and hummed, slowly bringing their arms up to hug themself now that they were standing idle. “So what, they’re hot?”

Spamton stared at them for a moment. “YES!!? It’s [[CAUTION: ELECTRICAL WIRES]]!! You know!?”

They chuckled through a brief shiver. “You know, I’m right here. You don’t have to shout everything.”

“I’m not shouting!?” He burst into a small fit of giggles. “This is just [default volume]!”

“Alright, heh! Just checking, then.” They looked back up at the power lines. “So, those are a no-go?” They looked around themself, at the grate beneath them and at the window on the building, before huffing and uncrossing their arms to reach into their pocket. They pulled out one of their Dark Dollars and ripped a dime-sized piece off the corner.

Suddenly, they heard a loud, digital beep come from Spamton. “What the [[Five Nights At Frida’s]] are you DOING!?”

“Just testing something! Don’t worry, the money’s still usable,” Kibitzer said, their tone not at all changing to reflect his stressed response.

They pinched the severed piece in between their fingers and leaned over the railing, reaching as far as they could until their hand hovered over the power line. Once they were balanced, they dropped the piece and let it fall right onto the line. It brushed off it and then fluttered all the way down to the street below.

“I didn’t see any electricity!” Kibitzer said with almost frantic excitement, a large grin forming on their face.

“Well, it only zaps sometimes,” Spamton replied, knowing that to be true, but not knowing why.

“That’s okay! I’m made of cheese poffs and stubbornness!” Kibitzer playfully insisted, already lifting their foot to climb up onto the edge of the railing. They paused and quickly rubbed their palms up and down their legs—a lot more aggressively this time, muttering under their breath, “Fuck, it’s cold…!” Once satisfied with the very brief warmth the friction had created, they quickly climbed up and stood on the edge of the railing.

“Kibitzer!!” Spamton approached the railing and stared at them with wide eyes. “[[Long-lasting Dairy For $9.99]] aside, you will [Die].”

“Well, if I don’t die, you gotta follow me up here, okay?” they retorted without missing a beat.

Before he could respond, their feet left the railing, and for a moment their heart raced and paranoia wracked their brain. Then they landed with both feet on the wire, their weight pushing it down almost a foot and bending it. They held their arms out at their sides to help them maintain balance and then slowly turned their head to look back at Spamton, who was staring at them with his mouth agape.

“Not dead!” they called back. “Come on, then!”

“Hey!” Spamton smacked his hands over the railing and smiled despite glaring with his eyes. “I didn’t [[Sign The Agreement]]!”

“So you’re not coming with me?” They asked, daring to put their hands on their hips as they remained in the same spot they’d landed.

Spamton made a point to dramatically roll his eyes into the back of his head. “You’d better [get moving]!” He stepped over the railing, only putting one foot on the top before his leg started to shake. A small chuckle escaped his throat as he made an incomplete motion to take his other leg off the grate and jump onto the side of the railing like Kibitzer had. He repeated this motion several times, never quite lifting his foot off the grate.

“You doing okay?” Kibitzer asked, still keeping their body completely still as they watched him… and starting to tremble slightly as the cold air sat on their skin.

He started to turn his head up to look at them, but quickly gave up and looked back down. “I’m telling you! You’d better go forward or I might [land on your head],” he warned them again, and then he suddenly pushed his other foot off the grate and onto the top of the railing. With the last of his already-uneven balance, he moved to stand up and jump, but his momentum was weak, and he barely made it a few inches off the railing before gravity took hold of him again. His whole body lurched in the air as he felt the sheer panic of falling, limbs flailing in directions he probably didn’t know they could.

⁷ Kibitzer acted fast, diving back and exclaiming something incoherent in alarm as one of their feet hooked around the power line. Spamton’s leg hit the railing on his way down, giving Kibitzer just enough time to close their fist around the back of his jacket. And right as Kibitzer made contact, their world [[Lit Up]].

“AaaAAaAAAAaaAAAAAAAAHHH!!!”

Both of their shrieks combined as the electric current shot through their bodies and into the metal railing, freezing them even against gravity for a good four seconds before Kibitzer finally slipped off the power line and the both of them were sent crashing down into the concrete below.

It was a pretty terrible landing. Kibitzer had turned around in the air and landed on their back just a moment before Spamton landed right on top of them, bashing his face against one of their thighs and jabbing his knees into their sides.

⁸ The two of them let out their respective groans of pain, barely moving at all. But any movement they did make was accompanied by intense shaking as electric residue continued to course through their bodies.

“Owww….” Kibitzer was the first to try and lift their head, and it was only then that they realized Spamton’s knee had their left arm pinned down. They let out a strained sigh and jerked their arm out from under his leg. They felt a small jolt go through them, causing their face to scrunch up for a moment. “Th-that went… s-so wrong….”

Spamton said nothing. His eyes had turned off, leaving only blackness. His jaw hung slack as he remained slumped against Kibitzer’s bent leg.

“Hey….” Kibitzer forced themself to sit up further, which was a challenge between Spamton’s awkward weight on them and the burning ache in their muscles. “Ghh… wake up, dummy. You can’t be….” They trailed off, suddenly hit with a rather disturbing thought. They were fine, but if Spamton had any mechanical parts, that would be a different story. Suddenly they sat up further, ignoring the pain shooting up their arms as they lifted his left leg over them so both his legs were crumpled lifelessly to the right of them. “Hey! You’re okay, right??” They were careful as they pulled their legs inward, consequently causing him to roll over into their lap, still apparently unconscious. “Uh..” They twisted their upper body around a couple times to look around, as if they would find a solution nearby. When they looked back down, they found him still lying there in the same position, but his glasses had regained their color. “Hello? You awake?” They waved their hand in front of his face, and got a brief muscle spasm from him in response.

“H0ooOly [[Cungadero]]!!!” He jerked again and threw himself forward so he was sitting up. “I saw my [L1fe] pass before my eyes... TWICE!” His head snapped to his right so he could look at them, and another muscle spasm caused it to glitch off to the side for a moment. “Kibitzer!! Buddy!” They could see pinprick pupils behind his glasses, jittering frantically, and suddenly they felt a pang of embarrassment.

Kibitzer waved their hands in front of their chest in a placating manner and let out a nervous chuckle. “I-I guess that was my fault! S—” They choked on a brief muscle spasm before continuing. “Sorry!”

Spamton slowly reached up and pressed his fingers against his forehead, right above his long nose. “It’s okay. We shared the [[Potentially Lethal Voltage]]!” His grin was back, and Kibitzer breathed out a sigh of relief that quickly turned into laughter.

“Yeah, I guess I paid for it!” they said.

It wasn’t long before Spamton was letting out loud cackles of his own, quickly overpowering their laughter and getting him more and more worked up until he just let himself fall back onto the pavement. Kibitzer stopped and stared at him, alarmed for a moment until they saw him deliberately spread his arms and legs out in a relaxed manner.

“I guess we should, uh… just find a way around the traffic, huh?” they asked.

Spamton tilted his head back, glancing towards the cars packed together on the road. “Yep!” He flopped over onto his stomach and clumsily scrambled onto his knees and then up to his feet. His body was visibly trembling, but he paid it no mind. “Let’s take a [[Ride Around Town]]!”

Kibitzer’s heart was racing and they felt a constant faint tingling throughout their body, most noticeable in their chest and legs. They experimentally pulled them in further, shivering a little. “Jeez, I feel like ants when the dickish kid in the neighborhood pours hot water on their hill.” They pushed their left hand against the ground and shakily got to their feet, before wincing and putting all their weight on their left foot. Their other foot had been hooked over the power line when they were shocked and now had a nasty red burn over the crease between their foot and leg, and bending it to put weight on that side was causing a harsh tingling pain to spread over the whole thing, so they kept it lifted and relaxed.

Spamton looked down, clearly noticing their injury based on the inefficient way they were hobbling towards him. “I should have some [healing item] at my shop.” He paused and actually bent down to get a closer look at the burn. “You should get some [protection].” He briefly lifted his own foot and gestured to his old Oxfords.

“Don’t need it,” they said. “I mean, usually. Not at home.”

He stood back up, tilting his head, and let his face relax a little, giving his expression an almost incomplete look. “Where is [[Home]]?”

⁹ As Kibitzer opened their mouth to answer, their eyes were drawn to something moving in the air behind Spamton. “Oh, I live in Ca…." They trailed off when they saw another—a small white speck slowly floating down from the sky. They finished in a quieter tone, “Card Kingdom….”

Spamton seemed to have taken notice of the floating particles too, and was turning his head frantically in all directions to look at each one.

Kibitzer reached out and swiped at a couple just in front of them, and they disappeared, leaving only cold droplets of water on their palms. With their attempt to catch them failing, they elected to just hold out their hands and let more of the white spots land in their palms. They watched as each one touched their skin and almost immediately vanished, leaving only more water.

“What… is this…?” they asked.

Spamton stared at their hands and watched the cold particles melt on their skin. “That’s… a [[Specil Deal]]!!” he blurted out after a few seconds.

As Kibitzer brushed the water off their palms and then hugged themself to keep warm, they raised an eyebrow and looked at him with lidded eyes and a wide, flattened frown. “Okay, usually I understand those. That time, you lost me.”

Suddenly, his smile dropped, and his body was visibly jittering again. “Listen to me, [[Kibitzer]].” Without warning, he stretched his arm around them and grasped their shoulder, almost like he was trying to keep them from disappearing while he talked. “Listen. Change of plans. It’s time to [[Be A Big Shot!]] I have [errand] to take care of, and you need to [hide] for the night.”

Kibitzer stared at his face. He was smiling again, but it wasn’t the big, ear-splitting grin they had gotten used to. It almost had a nervous look to it. Up close, they could see streaks running from his mouth down to his chin. It occurred to them that there hadn’t been a single moment in which his teeth weren’t showing, and they briefly wondered if he was even capable of fully closing his mouth.

“You mean… we’re not going back to your shop?” they asked.

“No!” His smile quickly stretched back into his usual stiff grin. “Not [now]> You need to [get protection].” He pointed to their feet with his free hand. “You can [[Buy Now!!!]] my [wares] tomorrow. Go [Home].”

Kibitzer hugged themself tighter, shivering for a moment and pressing their legs together to ward off some of the chill. “Well… okay.” They made no effort to hide their bewilderment at his sudden switch in demeanor, and their eyes flashed with disappointment that he was cutting their little adventure short. “Why don’t we meet up somewhere tomorrow, then?”

Spamton nodded eagerly. “Of course!! Can’t leave my [business partner] [in the dark]!” He finally took his arm off them and turned to look down the block, in the opposite direction of the traffic. “Let’s go back to the [amusement park] tomorrow and meet [[In Your Local Area!]]”

Kibitzer huffed softly. “Okay. You’d better be there!” they weakly teased.

“Kibitzer, I’m an [[Honest Man]]. I’d never [stand you up]!” he assured them.

They cocked an eyebrow at his unwittingly suggestive phrasing and chuckled. “Good!” They smiled.

“But! Go find [safe bunker] for the night!” he reiterated, leaning so close to them that their shoulders almost touched. “And don’t go [[Around The World In 50 Days]] until the [snow] stops!”

Kibitzer rubbed their arms idly as they listened to his confusing instructions. “Snow?”

“Don’t [catch a cold]!” he continued, pointing to the sky. “Understand?”

Their brows furrowed. In truth, they only barely understood what he was saying with any confidence. But they had some pretty broad ideas. “Yeah, I get it.” They paused as they scanned the area for the best route to take. “But just because you have pants and I don’t doesn’t mean you can go freeze to death either, ya know!”

As they began to part ways, Spamton called back, “Don’t worry your [beautiful head] about it! We’ll see each other again soon!”

Kibitzer let him go, and started to make their way in between some of the buildings when they heard his final words of the night:

“The next time you see me, I’ll be one step closer to [[ F R E E D O M ]]!”

Chapter Text

¹ The front door to Cyber Shoes II opened, letting out a soft ‘ding’ from a bell and spreading a bright light over the sidewalk. Kibitzer stepped out, now wearing sleek black boots and a pair of matching cargo pants that fell over the boots’ leather uppers. They immediately hugged themself when they felt the drop in temperature compared to the cozy store. Even the slightest breeze was like being touched by a dry ice cube, making them all the more thankful that Spamton had encouraged them to dress more appropriately for this spontaneous “winter.”

The snow was falling inconsistently. There were no clouds—they could still clearly see the ever-present line of code traveling across the sky, and the snow came and went. Despite this, there was already a very thin layer of the stuff forming on everything, giving the city a rather pale look. When Kibitzer breathed, they could see little puffs coming from their face. They couldn’t recall a time it had ever been… like this outside.

With the increasing cold, they began to figure finding shelter for the night wasn’t such a bad idea after all. So, with their new set of protection and their shorts stuffed into their hoodie pocket, they stepped onto the road and started walking. The city was big, and thus there was a high likelihood there would be a hotel nearby.

² They walked quickly and squeezed their arms, still feeling the chill of the air even through their hoodie, and periodically shuddering in an attempt to shake off some of the cold. The snow floating down from somewhere seemed to get a bit heavier as they went, now covering their view of the sky in countless white specks that bounced along the current of the wind—which, thankfully, seemed much stronger far above their heads than down by the road. Perhaps it was just the buildings blocking it, but nonetheless, they were at least able to handle the chill as they continued to walk and scan every sign for a place to sleep for the night.

As they walked, they became aware of an almost unnatural silence. It had already been quiet as some of the stores were closing and people were heading inside. Now, they could hear their every breath. There was no music, no ads playing out. It was eerily quiet.

³ It was at the moment Kibitzer came across an intersection and momentarily slipped on the sidewalk that they could no longer deny how much colder it was getting. Looking around, they noticed patches of ice on the ground in front of them, and the traffic lights were covered in actual frost, one green light blinking on and off as if the power had gone out and left its sensors discombobulated.

This struck Kibitzer as, once again, unnatural.

The city didn’t seem like it was cheaply built. Basic electronics like this should be able to handle a bit of cold. But something was off. An error like this should have caused confusion in traffic, or drag out someone to help direct it while the lights were fixed.

But there was no traffic.

As they crossed the intersection, they almost passed another road before something caught their attention. Out of the corner of their eye, a pale blue shape stood out to them against a darkly-painted building with its lights off, and they turned their head to look.

⁴ About four feet from them was what looked like a frozen statue of… a Virovirokun, tinted with a bluish hue and giving off soft puffs of cold air. It didn’t look like an actual ice sculpture, as there was clear color peeking through the foggy shell around it. The strangest thing about it—the disturbing reason they couldn’t convince themself that it was just a statue—a weird decoration for winter—was the way it stood, frozen in its last moments, face stretched into a look of terror and pain as they realized what was happening to them.

Kibitzer’s heart began to pound, their feet shifting against the icy ground as their urge to leave clashed with their curiosity and kept them somewhat stuck for a moment. However, the need to know how this person ended up like this was quickly overpowered by a fear of meeting the same fate by sticking around to find out, and they turned away from the poor creature.

They walked briskly, ignoring the way their movements smacked their legs into the breeze and made them feel even colder. For a moment, they forgot where they were even going. They were just going away.

‘What was that? That couldn’t be a real person…??’ They rushed down an alleyway as their thoughts began to swirl. They found themself looking back briefly. ‘No way! It was just a…!’

They stopped abruptly when they turned their head forward again, and stood stiff as the blood drained from their face.

At the corner of the alleyway were two ice statues, frozen in a very similar horrified manner as the last one. The Ambyu-lance almost looked like they had been chasing the Werewire before the both of them met their fate. And just like that, Kibitzer’s already weak denial broke entirely.

They stumbled back with a choked gasp, their heart pounding. “W-what… the…!?”

Before they could process any more of this, their ears perked up at the sound of metal boots behind them, seeming to come to a stop after a couple seconds.

Kibitzer turned around quickly, and found themself face to face with something truly alien.

A person with deep blue skin and darker blue hair stood with their body about as stiff as Kibitzer’s, sporting a pink cape over metal armor plates. Their bangs hid their eyes in shadow, and they made no distinct expression, but what was odd about them was the sheer brightness of their aura.

It seemed to come from their chest: a hot, ominous throbbing that Kibitzer could just… sense somehow. They knew it was red, even though they couldn't see it. And they knew it was dangerous—more powerful than anything they’d ever witnessed. And it was looking at them.

Their hair stood on end and their heart pounded even harder, but they couldn’t move. Something about the menacing glow in the human’s chest had them in a vice grip, compelling them to stay and… to attack them?

They started to raise their hand to offer a wave—some kind of friendly gesture to placate the bloodlust they felt from the other’s glow. They opened their mouth to speak, but their words died in their throat as they saw another figure shuffle around the corner. This one held a similarly bizarre power in her chest, but it wasn’t the same as the human. It was a lot, and it was frightening, but it wasn’t… malicious.

The girl had long platinum blonde hair with two little horns sticking out, and she wore a white dress that sparkled in the dim light. Her thin fur was a pale brown, and she wore a tired expression on her face. She was holding her arm and leaning over a little, but she looked at the human and just seemed to wait while they drew a long, pink sword—seemingly out of thin air, and held it out towards Kibitzer.

⁵ Finally knocked out of their trance, Kibitzer shifted their legs apart and held their hands up. “Whoa, hey, wait! I-I don’t wanna…!" They trailed off, knowing that wasn’t completely true. They felt it—that need to stand their ground and show these two what they were made of… and it kept them there against their better judgment.

“Iceshock,” the human spoke in a monotone voice, not changing their face at all, and only moving to put their shield up, as if they already expected an attack.

The reindeer girl then stepped forward, wordlessly raising her hand up. A glaring blue glow appeared in her palm, and then with an almost musical chirp, something bright shot from her hand.

Kibitzer jumped to the side, expecting something sharp, but what they got instead was a harsh gust of icy wind that gripped every inch of their body so tightly that it burned. They choked out a cry of pain as icy patches formed on their exposed skin. They held their shaking hands up in front of their face, staring at the frost stuck to their skin and feeling a terror so intense it was disorienting. As they struggled to process what had just happened, a tiny grunt built up in their throat before dying quickly. They stared at the pair of opponents and clenched their fist despite the pain—maybe trying to walk it off and prove to themself that it wasn’t that serious. “I-it’s you? You’re the one… f-freezing people?”

The reindeer glanced at her for a moment, before looking at the human again, saying nothing to Kibitzer. Her expression carried a pretty visible uncertainty, but ultimately she was distant.

“Iceshock,” the human said again. They hadn’t moved from their spot, nor made any attempt to attack them. They just stood with their shield up and waited for the reindeer to follow their command.

When she raised her hand again, Kibitzer whipped their glasses off and stared at her. “N-no!” They shivered as they maintained an intense glare while their mind struggled to decide on their next move. They knew it should have been ‘run.’ They knew that! But they couldn’t bring themself to do it. “Look… I—” They cut themself off when the human suddenly lunged forward and scraped their sword through the thin layer of snow on the street, knocking a big cloud of the stuff into Kibitzer’s face.

Closing their eyes and shaking their head, Kibitzer immediately felt the full brunt of another Iceshock. The frigid air blowing straight in their face felt like needles, burning pain spreading across their skin until their right cheek went numb, and they shrieked. Their hands didn’t fare much better, their left palm and the full outward side of their right hand freezing over. Even after the wind stopped, they felt no relief. By now, the air itself was below freezing, and their hands throbbed intensely, as if the blood in their fingers was trying to burst out.

Their body shook violently as they slowly brought their arms up to hug themself. A whimper crawled out of their throat as they made eye contact with the reindeer. They knew she was the one hurting them, but it was clear she was hesitant and waiting for the human to tell her what to do. It was clear they were the one making this happen.

So with a deep, shaky breath, they made themself release their arms and held them out towards the ground, as if they were grasping at something. Their hands screamed in protest, but Kibitzer didn’t pay them any mind.

A tiny, white circle formed below their hands, frozen in the air. About a dozen of them followed, and then another cluster formed nearby, and soon the group of magic bullets became a swarm that writhed angrily around them.

The human opened their mouth again. “Icesho—”

Suddenly, the swarm blew upward like a wave crashing against the bank, splattering the space between them and cutting off the opponents’ vision of them for a few moments. Kibitzer heard the girl yelp, presumably hurt by the attack, though the human remained quiet.

But there was a vital change.

With the human distracted shielding themself from harm, the pull was gone, and Kibitzer’s head cleared. Before their wave of bullets cleared fully, they finally had enough of a mind to get away, and with no hesitation, they frantically turned their body around and bolted.

⁶ They ignored the cold and the churn of their stomach as they ran past the two statues that had initially stopped them. They popped out of the alleyway and onto a pair of very large roads. Though oddly enough, there wasn’t any traffic. Taking full advantage of this, they ran straight across the street as fast as their little legs would take them.

They could hear the human’s heavy footsteps as they pursued, likely dragging the reindeer along with them so they could finish the job. The thought alone was enough to put just a little more fire under their ass, and somehow they picked up speed, tearing around the first corner they saw in order to break the human’s line of sight.

All they saw was a glowing blue scribble on the side of a building and a big, green dumpster. With their mind frantic, they quickly threw the top of the dumpster open and clambered inside, letting the door fall back down over them and shutting them in complete darkness.

They expected to land on some crooked bags, possibly with sharp items jutting out. So when they instead landed on something somewhat soft—something that moved—they let out a startled yelp and an instinctive, “S-sorry!!” as they scrambled to get off the other person.

When they squealed, so did the one they had landed on, before blurting out, “[hOoCH1 MAMA]!! Someone’s a little [[Forward Slash /grabbyhands]] today!”

That voice!

“H—Spamton?? What are you—n-never mind, be quiet!” Kibitzer kept their spoke as quietly as they could, short of whispering. Their voice quivered from the cold and they quickly rubbed their hands together to try and melt the ice stuck to them.

“Waaaaiiit, I know that [voice]! You’re the [itty bitty]!” he continued.

Already panicking as they heard the distant steps of their pursuers, Kibitzer threw their hand out towards him and sputtered, “Nnh-n-nsshhhh! S-someone’s coming! They’re tr-rying to kill me!”

Spamton was silent for a moment, and then in a calmer tone that made the inherent warbles in his voice more apparent, he stated, “Oh. My [specil customers].”

“What??” Kibitzer hissed, their voice going high.

“Don’t worry, Kib. Your old pal Spamton’s got you covered!”

Before they could ask anymore questions, they heard loud plastic crinkling and then felt a thin, light object draped over their head.

“Now [shut your mouth] and let me do the talkin!” he finished, just before their surroundings gained a very slight glow as the dumpster lid opened with a metallic scrape. They were under an old blue tarp, curled up in a pile of digital waste and using every ounce of willpower they had to keep themself still despite how cold they were. They heard Spamton’s voice right next to them, unhindered by the slight barrier between them. “Ah!! Just the [little sponge] I wanted to see! How's the [[Angel]]?” There was a long pause—not even a shift of the lid. Then they heard Spamton chuckle to himself, and a new voice came from right where he was.

“2 Left.”

And just like that, the lid closed again and the world was perfectly dark. The human and their partner were gone.

Once they heard the sound of their boots fade into silence, Kibitzer shuddered out a breath and let themself shake under the tarp. “Hffhffhff…!” They held themself tight, wishing the tarp would block some of the cold around them. But it didn’t. “Th-that was close…!”

⁷ They felt the tarp slide off their head, and then Spamton spoke through the darkness. “You got lucky today, Kibitzer! My [esteem customer][S] can’t leave any [body] unturned!” His voice got a little bit closer as he leaned in. “Buuuuut… you and I already have a [rendezvous] [[On An Early Morning]]. I’m an [[Honest Man]]. I wouldn’t back out of our [deal: pending].”

Kibitzer had to take a moment to comprehend what he was saying. Their agreement to meet the next day—that much, they understood. The rest of his statements were a little more foreign to them… but, much to their dismay, they still made enough sense for them to pick up on the meaning of the human’s actions.

They shivered, reaching up to slowly touch the numb patch on their cheek, and they experimentally brushed their fingers over it to push the ice off, but it was more like the top layer of their skin itself was frozen. “Y.. you mean they… they’re setting out to fr-reeze everyone?” they asked, feeling their stomach turn at the thought. “A-and you know them….”

Their mind swirled as they had a disturbing realization. ‘That’s why—when he kept telling me to hide earlier! It wasn’t just a glitch, he actually wanted me to hide… because he knew…!’

Spamton was quiet for a few moments. Perhaps just a bit too long. Soon, the small space inside the dumpster was illuminated with a small white light—just a few magic bullets from Kibitzer’s hands. The light shone on their face, revealing pale, icy patches on their face and neck; and it shone on Spamton’s face, highlighting his prominent cheek bones and a relaxed almost-frown.

“Why did they come to you?” they demanded. “Why didn’t they attack you and… what was that number??”

Spamton’s mouth twitched up just a little. “Don’t ask questions you don’t wanna know the answers to.”

“I DO wanna know!!” Kibitzer blurted out. “WHY—If you know what their goal is, why are you working with them??”

Suddenly, Spamton lunged for them, getting a startled yelp from them as they closed their eyes and one of their vibrating bullets popped like a tiny firework.

“KIBITZER!” he practically gasped as he closed his hands around their upper arms and gripped them tight. They could almost feel that damn ring through their hoodie. “L99k in my [eyes]!” He turned his head down and stared up into their… shades, and for the first time, they saw his eyes without his tinted glasses influencing their color. They were a surprisingly bright blue, though as usual, they were so constricted from his excitement that the color was hard to see. “Do you see it? Can you s[ee] it looking bAck at you??”

Kibitzer stared back at him with widening eyes and a tense jaw. “S… see what—”

“It’s in my [h3ad]! It’s s0 [[D]]ark—SO dar[r][r][r]k, and IT is callingg me!”

Kibitzer wasn’t sure they’d heard his voice glitch out that much before now. His grip on their arms was starting to become uncomfortable, but it wasn’t painful, and Kibiter was too wrapped up in his alarming rant to bother saying anything.

He hung his head down, his voice quieting just a bit. “It told me. All I gotta do is [tEll] the [Light]Ners how many [cCrRRrunches] they have to do before they can buy my [[Commemorative Ring]]!” He shivered. “Then...!” He turned back up to face them, eyes wide and his grin returning. He looked absolutely wired. “Then it’ll FINALLY [[%$!$]] [off] leave me ALONE!!”

He went quiet after that, slumping forward a little and loosening his grip on their arms. It seemed like he was finally done “explaining” himself.

The prolonged quiet gave Kibitzer a chance to process what he had told them. It was like hearing something through a game of telephone. They thought they knew what he was saying, but they weren’t fully confident in their interpretation. But one thing did jump out at them in all his frantic ramblings.

“Your ring?” They looked down at his left hand, and only then did they notice the fresher blood smeared all over it, some having stained their hoodie arm. “Th… that one, right??”

He took his ringed hand off them and held it up in front of himself, staring at it as blood oozed from the area where the ring was clearly stuck in his skin. He looked up, seeming to gaze off to the side, but his eyes moved to them, his grin fading again. “Kibitzer….” His voice was now quiet, and probably the closest to calm it was going to get. “How would you like to [help] your old pal Spamton?”

Kibitzer watched his hand as he let it fall back into his lap and left his right hand loosely holding their arm. In this moment of quiet, their body felt the cold biting them again. Their hovering hand was almost numb at this point, and before they spoke, they found a moment to pull it into their hoodie sleeve. The magic bullets didn’t seem hindered by this. “Help you with what?” they asked.

He hopped in his spot, his energy already returning. “It would mean we [reschedule] our [[Carnival Ride!]], BUT you still get [exclusive hangout]!” He offered a big smile, his brows turned down in a nervous plea. “All you have to do is [[Follow Me!]] to the Queen’s [mansion] so I can b-BeCOME—b3coMe—[[Too Big To Fail]]!” He threw his arms up as his excitement started to overwhelm him, and Kibitzer could have sworn his entire head grew for a moment. “AlL w3 go-tta d0 is[s]—” His face glitched to the side as he struggled to get the words out. He reached up and held his head, taking deep breaths to calm down. “Go to. The mansion. And find….” He paused, clenching his teeth tight and turning his head down. “W—wh1le the [Qu3e3nn✓] is [dISTtact6d], we…! Take it.” He looked back up, staring at them with frantic eyes as he trembled. “SoUnd liKe a [DEAL]? Kib?” His final words almost sounded like pleading, holding so much desperation for their answer to be ‘yes.’

Kibitzer looked him over. He was absolutely filthy, caked in dirt and sweat and blood—drooling on himself because he couldn’t close his lips. Every time they saw his eyes behind his glasses, they were wide and frenzied. He was shaking half the time he spoke, and barely able to form coherent sentences. He’d been wearing that sharp ring long enough to tear his hands to shreds, and now he made it sound like he couldn’t just get rid of it—like he had to go through a specific method of doing so in order to appease something in his head. And if he wasn’t hiding from the Lightners, why was he in a dumpster?

He needed help alright.

“Okay.”

Spamton perked up, his pupils blowing up like a happy dog and his smile pushing his cheeks up. “[De4L]!?”

“Yeah.” Kibitzer lifted their arm and held their makeshift lamp higher so he could see them better. “Look, if you made this.. deal with those Lightners to survive, I get it. And you saved my ass, heh!” They had come here to explore something new, and Spamton was already an adventure on his own. He was wacky and confusing, but if anything, that was something Kibitzer strived to be every day. “So fuck yeah! Let’s go get your… whatever!”

“YEA[H]—ehahAEhaeHaAeha!!” Spamton nearly hit his head on the lid of the dumpster in his excitement. “You w0n’t [regret] this, Kibitzer! Together, we’re going to [seE past the dark]!” He clapped his hands together. “All we gotta do is wait for those two [fiends] to—0 Left.” Suddenly, his body jerked to the side and a completely different voice burst from his throat.

Kibitzer froze, and within a few seconds, they heard the tale-tale sound of those metal boots rushing up to the dumpster. They bit their lip and held down a squeal, before grabbing the tarp and dissolving their bullets. They dove underneath and curled up tight just as the faint light returned with a metallic scrape, and Spamton piped up again in his well-practiced salesman voice.

“WELL! If it isn’t my favorite [[Valued Customer]]s!” His voice lowered a bit. “Are you here for the [Ring] of [T-ho—rns]?” Kibitzer could have sworn they heard the other voice lay over his as he finished his question, giving his voice a downright eerie sound. He paused for a good five seconds and then continued, “That’ll be 1997 Kromer.” There was shuffling and—a vacuum noise? “Pleasure doin business with you! Here’s your [ring]!” It went quiet again, but the light didn’t disappear. After a few more seconds, they heard strained little huffs from Spamton, followed by, “Heh… guess it’s a little… stubborn. No worries! I’ll have it ready [[in 30 minutes or less]]!”

There was a familiar voice next—the dull yet commanding tone of the human. “Get it.”

“H-hAve some patience, [little sponge]!” Spamton stammered, his grunts getting louder as he struggled with the thorn ring.

The human’s voice hardened a little. “Get. It.”

“Oop! Would ya look at that!” His groans stopped. “Go right ahead, kid!”

Kibitzer tried to listen closer. Spamton and the human were right there, and yet there was no way to tell for sure what they were doing when they went quiet. The only reason Kibitzer even knew that Spamton had struggled to get the ring off was because of what he had said. But the human’s words were as vague and ominous as ever.

Suddenly, their heart skipped a beat when they heard Spamton scream, along with an audible rip. Their hand came up to clamp over their mouth so they wouldn’t yell in response, but their body trembled anyway. Spamton’s screams of pain continued even after the light disappeared, and Kibitzer threw the tarp aside.

“Shit, dude, what happened??” they hissed.

They raised their hand in front of their face and conjured a spread-out group of magic bullets to light up the inside of the dumpster once again. Their gasp was loud enough to echo slightly off the walls.

Spamton was hunched over and holding his left wrist, blood gushing down his hand from his ring finger, where deep, jagged cuts went all the way from the base of his finger to the tip. They could hear restrained sobs leaving his throat as his body shook and little globs of what looked like TV static spilled from behind his glasses.

“Sssshit, that looks bad!” they exclaimed from the back of their throat, still trying to keep relatively quiet.

“I’m [F1]ne…!” he hissed through tightly clenched teeth, even as more static tears spilled down his face. “This [agony] is n0thing!” Suddenly, he slammed his forehead against the front of the dumpster and shuddered out a loud, pained grunt. “No—thing yer.. ghh… o-old pal Sp@mt0n can’t haNdle!” He squeaked, squeezing his eyes shut as he leaned against the dumpster wall and held his shaking hand up.

Kibitzer felt slight tears burning the corners of their eyes as they listened to him desperately try to claim he was okay in such a broken voice. “Oh, knock it off,” they said softly, shuffling closer to him. “No one’s judging.” Their hands hovered over his, but they already knew they couldn’t do anything right now either. They remained there for a little bit, listening to Spamton’s sobs and groans of pain. He was still trying not to make the sounds, that much was obvious, but he at least saved his words. At some point, he leaned against them just slightly, brushing against their left arm. And that was when Kibitzer decided it was time to act. “We’re both a little messed up right now…. Let’s go look for medical stuff. Sound good?”

Spamton slowly tilted his head up to look at them and took a deep breath that he refused to exhale. “I need….” His glasses suddenly went black and he slumped completely against them, as if he had passed out, and out of his mouth came another one of his glitched lines, low and crackly. “[Hyperlink Blocked].”

Kibitzer jumped in slight surprise, and before they even formed a question in their head, he sat back up, eyes back to normal again.

“So let’s just ignore the [blood and gore] and get to the mansion [[ASAP]]!” he… concluded, jumping to his feet with renewed energy.

Kibitzer sat there, dumbfounded, even glancing at the sudden vacancy in their lap. “Um… yeah, we can start heading there now, but we still gotta look for some bandages or something,” they replied.

“Along the way—yes,” he said, making the condition clear. “Our journey is [[For A Limited Time Only!!]]”

With a little chuckle, Kibitzer took his answer and ran with it, quickly standing up and pushing the lid of the dumpster open. Cold air blew in and reignited the aching in their hands, and they shivered, nearly dropping the lid at first. “Damn…!” they gasped.

“It’s [subzero] out here!” Spamton commented.

Kibitzer shook their head. “Jeez… I hope it’s not that cold yet.” They shivered and reluctantly pushed the lid all the way up so the two of them could start crawling out. “Go ahead, and I’ll follow you.”

They held the lid up so it wouldn’t scrape against his back and Spamton wasted no time in scrambling over the side and flopping over onto his behind. Kibitzer followed suit, sliding down awkwardly onto the ground before quickly picking themself up and shivering intensely. Spamton lifted himself to his feet and then continued to hold his bleeding finger out in the open so as not to scrape it on anything.

“I’ll b-bet the stores have first aid stuff,” Kibitzer said, pointing loosely towards the way they came. “I got these new clothes there!” With another shiver, they quickly stuffed their hands into their pocket with their scrunched up shorts. “M-maybe we should go back there and get more layers too, heh!”

Spamton was starting to walk ahead of them. “[Tuck and roll], Kibitzer! We’ve got places to be!!”

“I knoooww,” Kibitzer sighed playfully.

⁸ As the two Darkners walked, the wind became a more consistent obstacle. It was just a breeze, but it made the air feel so much colder, and by the time they made it back to the main Ads District, Spamton was shivering and rubbing his arms too.

At the very least, the snow had stopped for now, leaving them to hike through a shallow layer of snow, past the frozen corpses of Cyber Citizens.

Kibitzer tried not to look at them. Most of the people had died feeling absolute terror and pain, and their frantic positions and expressions made that clear. After traveling for awhile, the icy statues even began to look as if they had been frozen in the middle of fleeing. A few of them had been crying as they fell and realized their life was over. Each new corpse ate at Kibitzer a little more, cementing the horrible reality they were in that much more.

As the two of them stepped onto the road where the shoe store was located, Kibitzer immediately recognized the change.

The road was dead quiet and littered with smaller statues of maice, along just two people. The light in the shoe store was off, and the door shut. Kibitzer ran up and pulled on the handle with just a bit too much energy, but as expected, it was locked.

“Dammit! I was… just here!” they gasped through the cold air, immediately shoving their hands back into their pocket and taking tight handfuls of the shorts for some semblance of warmth. “Th-they just came back here and w-wiped everyone out??”

Spamton was still standing in the road, watching them. “I think this one [escape]d,” he pointed out.

Turning back for a moment and giving a soft glare, they noticed him a good three feet behind them. It struck them as a little unwise to stand out in the open like that, but they supposed they were about to return to his side anyway.

They walked back over to him, wrapping their arms around themself and rubbing up and down their shoulders. “Y-yeah, maybe..”

They turned their head, scanning the area for potentially open shops. There was one behind the shoe store with its door also closed and lights out. They looked at the shop across the street from the shoe store and hummed audibly to get Spamton’s attention. The door was hanging open, light pouring from the little building onto the sidewalk. The context of their situation made what would have normally been an inviting sight feel very worrisome.

“Let’s check that one…” they said, subconsciously lowering their voice.

Spamton silently followed them across the street and took a closer look at the door. One of the hinges was broken, but the other two kept the door held up anyway. There was a considerable amount of frost on the door and right outside the shop, coating the ground.

Kibitzer stopped just shy of the doorway and hesitated. Their lip quivering a little, they took a deep breath… and then leaned over to peer inside.

⁹ The interior was absolutely frigid, ice and snow stuck to the walls and coating many of the items on the shelves. This store didn’t appear to have a particular theme or focus, so every shelf held different products. The Lightners were nowhere in sight.

“Okay, it’s clear,” they murmured, still keeping their voice quiet.

They took careful steps inside, shuffling their feet across the floor to avoid getting caught off guard by patches of ice. As they made their way to the front of the room, Spamton stood in the doorway with his arms crossed and shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He watched as they leaned over the counter and reached down behind it.

“I wonder where the [family business] is,” he quipped, not even looking in their direction anymore. He stared out the window and began to bounce on his heels, and that was when Kibitzer’s sharp gasp caught his attention again.

“God—fuck!” They yanked their hand back and stared past the desk.

Lying on the floor behind it was the frozen corpse of a Plugboy, still wearing their work uniform and left crawling across the floor to reach for something. They had managed to close their fingers around the handle of the first aid kit before they were finished off.

Kibitzer took a couple very deep breaths. “F-found the first aid kit…” they said.

Spamton took one step into the store, glancing out the door every few moments. “GreAt! Let’s [[On The Road Again]]!”

But Kibitzer was clearly reluctant, keeping a good foot between themself and the desk now. “Uhh… well—it’s…” they started to say, reaching up to hold their hand over their mouth and turning away from the desk.

“Aww, come 0n, what’s the hold up?” Spamton said with clear impatience in his voice as he boldly walked straight across the store with no worry of slipping. He made it to their side and paused, his eyebrows going up slightly as he took in the corpse.

“Yeah…” Kibitzer murmured, head still turned away from the grim sight.

Spamton stood there for a couple more moments, before finishing his stride right over to the counter. This got Kibitzer’s attention and they turned back to watch what he was doing. But before they could ask, Spamton reached over and plucked the first aid kit right out of the Plugboy’s hand without a second thought. Kibitzer stared in disbelief as he returned to their side and practically tossed the damn thing into their hands, which they caught very much like a hot potato for a moment.

“Ah—! But…!” they started.

“[[In Thirty Seconds Or Less]], Kibitzer!” he said, scurrying over to the doorway and practically hopping in place.

“Ghh… you…!” They were dumbfounded, but ultimately, they couldn’t really say anything. The Plugboy was dead. It was only logical to just take the first aid kit since they still needed it. They did their best to shake off the disturbing feeling in their gut and finally started back towards the door. “Hold up!” They stopped next to him and tugged his arm. “Don’t forget this is for you. Lemme see your hand.”

Spamton paused and glanced at them. “Didn’t I tell you I’m [R1ght as R4in]?” He spread his fingers out in front of them. “See? The [bleeding a lot]’s already stopped! I don’t even [agony] it.”

Kibitzer just gave him an unamused glare and crouched down to start digging through the first aid kit. “Mmhm. C’mere.” They waved their hand inward, beckoning him to get down to their level.

Spamton hesitated for a moment, his eyes narrowing down at them, but after a few more moments, he sighed and sat down, crossing his legs. “You w0rry too much,” he insisted, letting his injured hand hang loosely over his knee, an invitation Kibitzer soon accepted, gently taking his hand in theirs and giving it a closer look.

“Normally I’d wanna do something more thorough, but I don’t think we wanna get our hands wet right now,” they said, letting his hand go for the moment and grabbing a small tube of antibiotic cream, along with some gauze wrap.

Spamton watched them, still letting his hand relax there in the open for them as he used his other hand to prop up his chin so he could have a moment of rest if he had to sit here. Soon enough, Kibitzer was taking his hand again and slowly hovering their other hand over it.

“Alright, this might sting a little,” they warned quietly. They waited another moment and then began to gently smear the cream over his most recent wound—exactly six evenly-spaced cuts going all the way down his finger.

Spamton didn’t move or even really look at them. He was silent for a good few seconds before murmuring, “I’m used to the [sting] of [[A River Of Acid]]....”

He glanced at his hand once he felt them wrapping the gauze around it. It was snug against his skin, but not tight. Kibitzer’s hand shook as they worked, and Spamton finally got a good look at the pale, icy patches on their skin.

“You have [bodily harm] too,” he pointed out.

“Yeah…” Kibitzer murmured. They looked up for a brief moment, before tying the gauze wrap up neatly. “Heh… there! Should be protected now.”

Spamton held his hand out and looked over the white gauze. The freshness of it made the rest of his bandages look almost brown in comparison. He stared at his hand for what felt like a little too long. “Feels like [[A Million Bucks]]!” His smile finally returned, soft and genuine.

Kibitzer nodded. “Yeah? Told you.” They started to stand up, closing the first aid kit. Spamton eagerly followed their lead, hopping right back to his feet as Kibitzer hummed in thought. “Maybe we should take this with us.” He watched them as they searched for a place to put it on themself, furrowing their brows in thought and holding it up by their belt loops before just looping their fingers through the handle and holding it in their hand. “Before we go….” They quickly pushed the first aid kit into his hands.

“H—ey! What now??” he complained.

Kibitzer rushed over to one of the shelves and searched, making sure to completely avoid glancing in the direction of the checkout counter. They hummed a barely-audible little tune to themself and rotated the stand covered in pins and barrettes until they found a small selection of clips. “Ah!” They grabbed the first one they saw—a large pink one—and scurried back over to their slightly bewildered companion. They picked up the first aid kit again and hooked the open clip around its handle, smiling triumphantly. “Ha ha! Now I don’t have to hold it.” They clipped it to one of their belt loops and let it dangle from their pants, clearly weighing the loop down a little. Then they immediately stuffed their hands into their armpits and shivered with an audible huff. “R-ready to go?”

Spamton started to walk outside, and they followed, the first aid kit swinging awkwardly as they moved. “Y3s, but… shouldn’t you [[Treat Yourself!]] too?”

They rubbed their arms before hiding their hands again. “I.. I guess I don’t know how I would treat this. It’s… like, stuck to my skin.” They looked at him, feeling a stiffness on the right side of their face where the ice patch had seemed to spread a little. Tiny bits of ice were growing off the area like snowflakes.

Spamton paused and leaned towards them to get a better look. They held their hands up, showing the same issue with the side of their right hand and almost their entire left palm. The air made their hands throb intensely.

“It’s on my hands too,” they said, before quickly putting them away again, balled up tight in their front pocket. “It hurts whenever the cold touches them. M-my.. face is numb though.” They sighed.

Spamton stood back up. “You need [nutrients]!” he decided. He slid his arm around their shoulders and began to lead them away from the small shopping area.

They shivered and walked with him, enjoying the slight warmth he provided for now. “Like, food, right?” they asked.

“[Healing item] for your [mouth],” he confirmed.

They nodded and let him lead the way.

The city was already a confusing maze for Kibitzer, and that was without the snow blanketing everything in the same pale white. Anyone would know this place better than them, and somehow they had a feeling Spamton knew where he was going.

They walked on, both turning their heads and searching. The city around them felt like a ghost town at this point. Most of the buildings were deserted or closed down. Lights out, doors locked. Most of the giant screens the city had slapped on the sides of the buildings were left on, but they either lacked any imagery or played the same clip on loop because no one was maintaining them. Some of the places were clearly broken into and looted, or just frozen over.

Kibitzer could feel the stiffness in their face spreading, making them want to rub and scratch at their cheek. Spamton was shivering pretty consistently, but he didn’t complain at all, and he kept his arm around them. By the time they made it to another building that could be recognized as a store, Kibitzer was actively leaning into his embrace, chasing any warmth he could give them.

There was no streetlight on this road, just a few small buildings. One of them was clearly a hair salon, and another had no sign to identify it at all. However, across the street, the two of them spotted a dark reddish building with “Chase’s Cuisine” cast in neon lights over it. The lights were all turned off, of course, but the store looked intact.

Kibitzer sighed softly. “Just earlier, we were eating out…” they said. “Now it’s like… an apocalypse.”

Spamton seemed to be looking the building over. “We can still [[Eat Free Every Wednesday!]]”

Kibitzer glanced at him and cocked an eyebrow slightly. That was when he finally took his arm off them and started jogging to the building, and Kibitzer perked up with wide eyes. “Wh…!” They scurried clumsily after him. “Wait, what if the owner’s still inside and just hiding?”

“They won’t even know we’re here,” Spamton said, giving them a smile. “We’ll be [sneaking suspicion].”

Their brows furrowed as they tried to weigh the risk of what he wanted to do. But ultimately, the intense discomfort they felt from the cold was too distracting, and their body won the conversion. Eventually, they nodded with a small huff. “Guess I’ll let you take the lead on this one.”

Spamton leaned against the window and tried to peer inside. It was dark, but otherwise it didn’t seem like any measures had been taken to block off the windows. He backed up, chuckling deliriously to himself as he reached down and picked up a piece of concrete that was broken off the sidewalk. He held it in his hand like he was throwing a baseball.

Kibitzer tensed up a little. “Wait, won’t that—”

CRASH!

The glass shattered both inwards and outwards, scattering bits and shards every which way. Kibitzer threw their arms up to shield their face, and Spamton watched the destruction with glee, not missing a single second.

“Jeez…” Kibitzer muttered.

Spamton was already swinging his leg over the jagged edge of the window.

“H-hey! Slow down, dude!” Kibitzer blurted out as they scurried after him. They witnessed one of the still-attached pieces of glass catch on his pants, but thankfully not cut him. “Y’know, you wouldn’t have to bandage your hands so much if you didn’t do shit like this.”

“Bah! It builds character,” he retorted from inside.

Kibitzer was a lot more cautious in getting through the window, and made sure to kick a few of the bigger pieces of glass off first. As they made contact with the floor on the other side, a voice got their attention from the darkness.

“S.. stop! Not another step!”

Kibitzer froze with their head up and scanned what limited space they could see.

Spamton immediately piped up in response, “Hey, c’mon! We’re just [n33d Sustenance]!” He took a step forward, and then a pipe swung out of the darkness, missing him by a good eight inches.

“You heard me!”

“HEY!” Spamton blurted out.

Kibitzer gasped quietly and threw themself forward over the window, already feeling the tension escalating.

“That’s [unprofessional behavior] right there!!” Spamton continued to shout.

“W-what did I say!?” The pipe came down again, right over Spamton’s head—but it didn’t hit its target, instead coming to smash into Kibitzer’s shoulder as they shoved Spamton aside.

“GAH—!” They fell and caught themself on their hands, hissing as glass shards cut into them. They ignored it, however, and turned their head up towards their assailant. “STOP!” They flopped backwards onto their behind and held both their hands up in surrender. “We’re not here to cause any trouble, we just thought the place was vacant and wanted some food! We’re both hurt—that’s all. We wouldn’t have broken in if we knew you were taking shelter here.”

Into the dim light coming through the window stepped an Ambyu-lance, holding a plastic pipe that had clearly been broken clean off of whatever it had been attached to. His face held pretty visible reluctance, eyes full of pain and fear. “J… just go,” he said, his voice quivering despite his attempt to sound commanding.

Spamton had gone quiet, remaining in the crumbled position he’d landed in after Kibitzer pushed him away. His glasses were projecting static, but his head was turned to directly stare at them.

“We’re going,” Kibitzer said, fatigue present in their glare as they slowly lowered their hands and pushed themself back up to their feet. “C’mon, Spamton.”

Spamton’s eyes flickered back to their normal pink and yellow as he turned his head deliberately and quickly to look right at them again. Then he got to his feet and silently followed as Kibitzer walked back to the window and started to climb through. Spamton stole a glare back at the Ambyu-lance before leaving the building as well.

Outside, Kibitzer finally took a moment to look over their palms. They were cut in several places, but most were incredibly shallow. Only one or two of them were a bit larger, and Kibitzer had to pick bits of glass out of them before shaking their hands off.

As they did this, Spamton passed them with wide strides, his body tense. “That [cheapskate] couldn’t even be bothered to show some [genorisity],” he grumbled.

Kibitzer balled their fists up and shoved them in their pocket, shivering as they followed him. “Yooouuu broke his window,” they pointed out.

Spamton clutched at something invisible at his sides and shouted out to the vacant roads. “He h0gged [A L L] the [half-price cans of ravioli] and attacked my [+1] in cold blood!” His face reddened in his anger, and his breath became a lot more visible in the cold as he huffed and yelled.

Kibitzer rolled their shoulder a little as they listened to his little rant. “Well, he was trying to hit you. I.. think he was just on edge because of the whole-ass apocalypse happening outside.”

Spamton suddenly stopped, and turned enough to peek his head past his shoulder to look back at them. “And you!” He fully turned, pointing to them dramatically. “What were you thinking?? You can’t go [hurling] yourself in front of [[Cheap Knockoff Baseball Bats]] like it’s nothin! What, are you trying to [butter me up]??”

¹⁰ Kibitzer didn’t stop walking until they arrived at his side, where they balled their fist up and lightly tapped his forehead with it, one corner of their mouth turning up into a smirk. “Sorry, you’re not allowed to tell me to be more careful, Mr. Bandages.” With that, they started walking again.

They thought they saw the red spots on his cheeks glow a little for a moment as he stared after them with an almost indignant look.

But he quickly scurried back to the front of the two of them and took one of Kibiter’s arms to lead them along. “You’re the one who [fried pipis] [the whole production] earlier,” he retorted without looking back at them.

Kibitzer looked at him with raised eyebrows and gave a faint smile. “You tried to warn me..”

“That’s right! So listen to your old pal Spamton!” he huffed, grinning triumphantly to himself.

Kibitzer chuckled and shook their head lightly. There was something endearing about the way he showed concern by calling them out and then charging forward so he didn’t have to dwell on any sappy stuff. He still had their back, in his own way. “Fine….”

The night passed on by as they continued forward, and the two of them felt no relief from the cold. Both of Kibitzer’s hands were numb at this point, as was most of their face and neck. Their toes ached painfully and their legs tingled as they began to go numb as well.

Spamton was clearly affected by the cold, but if he was in pain, he wasn’t showing it. The most he did was rub his arms and shiver, and the only other sign that he was cold was the redness spread over his cheeks and nose.

With every step, Kibitzer felt their resolve draining, cowering away in a warm corner where they wished they could be—until finally, they reached out and grabbed Spamton’s arm, their grip noticeably weak.

“Huh? [What are ya]—”

“C-can we… t-take a break?” they pleaded quietly. “I’m… s-so cold. It h-hurts!” Their voice hitched for a moment as they spoke.

Spamton leaned back just a bit and looked them over. They were keeping their head down, but they didn’t let go of his arm, using their hoodie to keep their skin from getting directly exposed to the cold air.

“Pl—please, I kn-know you’re in a hurry, b-but I.. can’t tak-ke it anymore,” they continued, stealing a quick glance up at him to gauge how he was processing this.

He was still looking them over, even bending down a little to see their face, his brows knitting just above his glasses. He stood back up after a few moments and finally said, “Well… I guess the Lightners will have to [sit their asses down] too, and we don’t want to get too [proximity] to them.” Kibitzer already looked relieved as he turned his body to look around for a nearby solution to their problem. “You know, there’s actually a [Closed Indefinitely] [[Cheap Motels For $4.99]] around here!” He gave Kibitzer a grin and took their arm again to lead them.

“No shit?” Kibitzer asked, already sighing out their words as they looked forward to wrapping up in a blanket. “Th-that’s am-mazing!”

“They [lost control of their life], but watch out for [freeloaders],” he explained. “They might not want to share.”

Kibitzer nodded. “Y.. yeah, h-heh.. We’ll b-both be more caref-ful this time.”

Spamton continued leading them for a few minutes, taking one or two wrong turns as he tried to remember exactly where this hotel was. But soon enough, the two of them were standing in between two buildings, one of which was an old, multi-story hotel.

Unlike the only recently-closed restaurant, the hotel’s windows were boarded up, even the broken ones. But Spamton didn’t hesitate. He quickly brought Kibitzer around to the side of the building, where there was a single door and no windows on the first floor. The door had likely been white at some point, but now it was heavily blackened with dirt and smoke stains.

Spamton held his hand out and pressed his palm against the door for a moment, and then put the rest of his weight into it. Suddenly, the door popped open, creaking as it swung inward. It already felt a little warmer inside since it had only been winter for a few hours.

Kibitzer let out a little giggle and quickly followed him inside.

“We’re [alone],” Spamton said. “If the place was taken, they would have [security measures].”

Kibitzer nodded, already working their body into a shiver to shake off some of the cold. “That’s good! C’mon, let’s find a room.” They let one of their hands peek out of their hoodie and conjured a small group of magic bullets, which they scattered in the area just in front of them. Even the relatively warmer air was painful to the touch, but they pushed through it.

Spamton watched their magic bullets as they shifted through the air and provided enough light to keep them from bumping into stuff. “You use your [magic] to [light up the dark].”

Kibitzer was already heading down the first hallway past a flight of stairs. Many of the doors were still shut, but they spotted a couple that had been pried open at one point or another. They slowed down and walked past those rooms at a distance, in case any of them were still occupied despite Spamton’s assessment. “Mmhm….” They brought the floating bullets in and packed them into a tight vibrating ball in their palm. They breathed out quickly, “I can also use them for this..” They pushed their hand forward and flattened the bullets into a disk shape, easily sliding them in between the door and the frame.

Ssshhhzzt!

And with little more than a light push with their hand, the door slid open, its dead bolt sawed right through.

“WHOA!” Spamton exclaimed. “And you said you weren’t cut out for [destruction of property].”

Kibitzer chuckled and quickly entered the room, spreading their bullets back out to light up their path. “Never said that,” they pointed out.

“Heh! You got the makins of a [[Big Shot]], Kibitzer, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!” he praised as he followed them into the room.

The moment Kibitzer found the bed, they kicked their boots off and wasted no time in ripping the covers up and crawling under, head first. They felt the first aid kit get caught on the side of the bed for a moment, and without much hesitation, they reached back and clumsily fiddled with the clip until it popped off and fell to the floor. “HHhufhhf…! F-f-finally!” they said as they kicked the side of the bed and disappeared underneath the blanket and sheet.

The blankets were cold, but they were still dry, and once Kibitzer spent enough time sealed underneath them, they knew they would feel warmer again. For a few moments, that was all they thought about as they curled up tight and pushed the blanket in between every corner of themself they could and pinched the front of it against their neck so no more air would touch them.

Spamton watched them get comfortable, his eyes following their hands as they balled up under the blanket and appeared like little stubs. Though his glasses hid his eyes, his face softened into a lax frown, giving him a look of longing. The cluster of glowing bullets remained in the air, floating and vibrating slowly as Kibitzer wrapped some of the blanket around the top of their head to warm their ears. And in the dim light, the two of them looked at each other, Kibitzer going still in their blanket cocoon and Spamton seeming to drift off somewhere else as he stared at them.

“O-oh right..” Kibitzer finally said, chuckling shakily and pulling the blanket open in front of them, much to their body’s dismay. They shivered intensely. “C-c.. come on… y-you gotta b-be cold too.” Their brows creased in their increasing discomfort, their eyes pleading for him to hurry.

Slowly, his face lit up again and he was smiling joyfully as he moved to get under the covers. “Don’t mind if I do!”

Kibitzer released that side of the covers and let him close it over himself once he had slid underneath them. At first, he merely sat up and loosely draped them over his legs while Kibitzer remained tightly curled up next to him. He looked around the bed, as if taking it in, and then finally shuffled further under the covers and tucked them around his shoulder so only his head remained uncovered.

¹¹ Kibitzer was still turned towards him, though they had made themself scoot back and were now meticulously re-stuffing every nook and cranny of their body with the other side of the covers and shivering with every slight shift in air flow. “B-b… better?” they asked, giving him a smile despite the obvious tension in their face.

Spamton glanced at them, keeping still for a moment, and then squirmed a little against his side of the covers to gather a bit of friction. “It’s so [soft]!” he said, almost sounding surprised. “Way better than my [free real estate].”

Kibitzer’s hands grasped a portion of the covers in front of them, but they stopped so they wouldn’t pull them off Spamton, and they tensed up further as cold air continued to swirl against their chest whenever they moved even slightly. Their hands were starting to feel just enough warmth for the pain to return, and they found themself too distracted by the intense throbbing to do any real thinking anymore. Against their hands’ protests, they reached behind them and carefully pulled the bunched-up blankets with them as they scooted forward until there was barely an inch between them and Spamton, and then they quickly brought their hands back in front of them and pressed their arms right against his arm, crossing them in front of themself to guard their chest and neck from the cold as well.

Spamton perked up a little as he felt the contact, and after another moment, he turned his head to look at them, his eyes wide with open curiosity.

Kibitzer said nothing to explain themself and instead shivered with another noisy breath, curling their fingers into his shirt and pressing their face lightly against his arm. It wasn’t until they finally went still again and stopped shivering so hard that they finally spoke, not moving their head to look at him.

“Still so cold,” they mumbled. “Th-this works, though.. I can at least… f-feel my hands.. a-again.” Their lip quivered, and they bit down on it, trying not to let themself cry as their fingers pulsed agonizingly back to life.

Spamton looked at them, watching for any movements and lying stiff under the blankets as they tried to catch a little of his body heat. He stayed completely still for a couple minutes, before Kibitzer spoke up again.

“Hey…” they said quietly. “Y-you’re doing okay, right? How’s-s.. your finger?”

Under the blankets, he briefly flexed his left hand and brushed his fingers together. “It is [aching] [nagging], but… okay.”

“Okay…” they sighed. They briefly shuffled against him, leaning their head on his shoulder, clearly speaking through clenched teeth for a moment. “You… don’t feel numb anywhere?”

Once again, he took the time to twitch his feet and hands, and even wriggled his nose a little. “[nope].”

“Good.” They went quiet after that, staying as still as they could, save for occasionally rubbing their legs against each other for a bit of friction. They had stopped shivering, and now just occasionally huffed or whined quietly. Eventually, their magic bullets began to fade out until there were only a couple left, barely revealing a few strands of their hair and Spamton’s left cheek. “Gonna go to sleep now….”

Spamton shifted slightly. “Now, Kibitzer… I wouldn’t [[99 Doctors Recommend]] sleeping [through the night],” he said, a slight sense of reservation in his voice despite his concern for time.

Kibitzer let their lights go out and closed their eyes. They stayed silent for a good fifteen seconds. “Give me an hour,” they said. “Then we can get going. Is that okay…?”

They felt Spamton twitch. “One hour [in the dark],” he summarized to himself, his voice carrying a slight unease.

He let silence fill the space between them again. Inside the hotel, it was still. There was no power to the building, leaving it devoid of the typical buzz that would keep the silence from being truly deafening. Not much was heard from outside either, save for the occasional whistle of wind through the loose and broken windows.

What he could hear, keeping him grounded, were Kibitzer’s soft breaths as they started to fall asleep. The sounds of someone completely relaxed next to him. Vulnerable and okay with it. An hour of that didn’t sound so bad.

Having come to this conclusion, Spamton finally let his eyes close and his head lean back. And after another moment, he rolled his head over to slightly lean against Kibitzer’s. He thought he heard a soft chuckle from them, a gentle acknowledgement.

“[Deal].”

Chapter Text

¹ When Kibitzer woke up, they were still curled up tight under the covers with their cheek lightly leaning against Spamton's sleeve. It was still pitch black in the room, and still very cold. It might have been colder than before, as the hotel had been basking in the wintery temperatures for a bit longer now. But under the blanket, it was bearable, and Kibitzer might have just curled up tighter and closed their eyes again if not for one distracting factor.

They really had to pee.

They started to sit up, but quickly pulled the covers back up over their chest where they had just been. They pouted as they thought about the best possible way to start moving again without getting assaulted by freezing air.

Next to them, Spamton was fast asleep, as evidenced by the snoring they heard right there in the dark. They couldn’t help but chuckle, remembering how apprehensive he had been about taking a nap. But they were glad he had anyway. Surely, he needed to recharge sometimes too.

They flexed their fingers experimentally and found that they still hurt quite a bit, though the pain seemed to be more of a burning soreness than the same intense throbbing they’d felt before. Sticking one hand out of the blankets, they conjured up a set of bullets to illuminate the bed, revealing that Spamton had spread out a little bit and tilted his head back in his sleep.

Kibitzer looked at their hand under the scattered lights, and found that the spots that had been covered in ice were now raw and red, thus explaining the new brand of soreness. But at least this was something they could treat. They slowly reached up and felt their face. There seemed to be some semblance of ice remaining on it, but their neck was thawed, as well as most of their cheek—replaced with the same tender, damaged flesh.

‘I’ll take it,’ they thought.

Finally, they glanced at Spamton, knowing he would probably urge them to get up and go if he were awake. “Hey… you ready to keep moving?” they asked quietly.

They waited, but Spamton didn't respond to them. So after a few more seconds, they tried again.

“Hey.. Spamton… wake up,” they said, still keeping their voice quiet as they nudged him with one of their hands, safely secured underneath the blanket.

He snorted and jerked his head to the side, eyes opening and staring pinpricks at them. He remained still, looking almost offended to be disturbed, but before they could say anything more, he flew forward, pulling the blanket out of Kibitzer’s hands in the process.

“[[%!&$]] THE PRESSES! How l0ng was I [[Rapid Eye Movement Sleep]]!?” he shouted.

Kibitzer chuckled and backed up on their hands and knees, pulling their head under the blanket. “I don’t know, but I have to pee, and then we can go.”

Suddenly, they both went silent as their ears caught something outside.

“Wait!” Spamton whispered loudly. “[shut] up!”

“You shut up! I heard it first!” Kibitzer whispered back, poking their head back out from under the blanket.

Just outside the walls of the hotel, they could hear faint voices. One of them quivered with what Kibitzer presumed to be fear. The other sounded more laid back.

“[tourists],” Spamton whispered.

“Survivors,” Kibitzer retorted. They finally sat up themself, shivering as the covers fell off them. “M.. maybe we should go talk to them? They’re not guarding anything like the last guy, so—”

“Th4t usually ends [painfully],” Spamton said, sliding out of the bed and looking around the barely-lit room.

“What does?” Kibitzer got up as well and created more bullets so they could adequately reveal the shapes of things in the room. They scurried around the bed and plopped down, grabbing their boots and working them back onto their feet.

“Have you ever been [highway robbery]?” Spamton asked.

“Successfully? No,” Kibitzer said, chuckling as they grabbed the first aid kit and stood back up. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. But I think we should talk to them! Come on!” They scurried toward the door and then paused to look back at him with expectant eyes.

Despite his caution, he was getting up anyway. Either Kibitzer hadn’t seen him put his shoes back on or he just never took them off. Either way, he was leaving the bed in a flash and catching up to them as they left the room with the only light they had.

“So you have been in a [conflict of interest] before?” Spamton asked as he followed closely behind them.

Kibitzer paused, drifting deeper into their thoughts for a moment. “Yeah.” A crooked smile formed on their face as the two of them approached the side door they had used to get into the hotel. “I've had to send these bullets at people before.”

As they pulled the door open, they felt a gust of freezing wind in their face as the building sucked it in. They groaned and pulled the strings on their hoodie to tighten the hood around their neck. Then they rushed outside and followed the other voices around the corner, leaving their bullets to dissolve away.

² Spamton scurried after them, leaving the hotel door to hang open as he and Kibitzer made their way out to the street, where indeed there was a pair of Darkners talking quietly by a pink neon sign: a Werewire and a Virovirokun, both of whom went silent upon hearing newcomers approaching. Werewire was dressed very appropriately for the weather, bundled up in a puffer jacket with a fur hood, along with pants over their already-fuzzy legs. Virovirokun was wrapped in a scarf that could fit around her whole body several times, but she remained further exposed to the cold than Werewire.

“Hey there! Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the heck do you think you’re doing??” said Virovirokun, turning and pointing her arrow-like hand towards Kibitzer as they approached.

“Freezing our asses off, same as you,” Kibitzer said with a smile.

“Don’t you worry, [[New Customer]]! We're not here to [absorb] your [[Kromer]]!” Spamton tried to reassure them.

“Uhh, he means we come in peace,” Kibitzer quickly added. “Just wondered if you knew anything we didn’t that might help us get through this whole ice age thing.”

Werewire turned their head toward Virovirokun, and then back to Kibitzer and Spamton. “Welp. We—”

“Eyy, wait a second!” Virovirokun interrupted. “I know you!” She pointed her arrow towards Spamton and then turned to look at Werewire. “He’s always digging in the trash outside my shop!”

Werewire snickered softly. “Oh! The one that hissed at you the other day?”

“Yeah!!” She giggled, turning back to Spamton. “Of course you would survive this shit!”

Spamton let out a cackle broken up by glitches and stepped forward, lifting his arm and resting his elbow on Kibitzer’s left shoulder despite not being tall enough to actually benefit from that. “OHH, [yes], there’s always [wide selection] in your trash pile!”

“I’ve only had a trash pile for a week,” Virovirokun grumbled with a stiff smile. “Somehow, my dumpster’s gone missing!”

“Are you implying that I [jacked] your dumpster??” Spamton said, lifting his free hand and clutching the air like he was trying to squeeze the life out of something. “You gotta be [[$!$&]]ING ME! I can’t lift that!!”

“I mean…!” Virovirokun paused and tilted her head. “You do look pretty weak, heheh!”

“Uhh… guys…?” Kibitzer spoke up, getting all three of them to turn and look at them. “I still have to pee.”

Spamton perked up with recognition in his eyes. “Oh yeah!! Go, go, go!” He took his arm off them and started to push them back towards the hotel. “We [[R3aLLY]] gotta get moving!!”

Kibitzer stumbled forward and huffed. “Trust me, I’ll be quick!”

—

When Kibitzer pulled the door open to exit the hotel again, they nearly ran right into Spamton. “Ah—!” They barely stopped before their face smacked into his shoulder. They instinctively brought their voice down just a bit as they asked, “Spamton? What are you doing over here?”

Spamton turned and held his hand up, curling it around the side of his mouth as he whispered, “What’s it look like? I’m keeping my distance while we’re [[2 for the price of 1]]!”

Kibitzer leaned in closer and whispered back with a smirk, “You know, when you’re not actually close to my ear, you just look like you’re gossipping.”

He stood back up, letting his mouth hang open, but failing to speak.

“Come on. I’m starting to see why you’re in a rush.” Kibitzer said, reaching out with their hand—which was decidedly wrapped in their hoodie sleeve—and curling it around his arm before dragging him away from the hotel.

Werewire remained exactly where they had been before, but Virovirokun was floating in circles around them with her scarf wrapped around her arm.

“I’m! Fucking! Freezing! Why are we waiting on these two again??” she shouted.

Werewire shrugged. “Iunno, cause… power in numbers? Might be helpful to team up.”

“We’re ready,” Kibitzer interrupted.

“I’ve BEEN ready, Kibitzer!” Spamton protested, his cheek spots glowing for a moment as he turned and shot them a glare.

“Don’t get possessive about being the one to rush us!” Kibitzer laughed in return.

As they started to walk down the street, Virovirokun zipped after them and Werewire followed.

“Woo! New allies!” Virovirokun cheered.

“Virovirokun, weren’t you just complaining that we had to wait for them?” Werewire teased, chuckling quietly.

“Does that make me wrong?” Virovirokun retorted.

By now, Spamton had embraced Kibitzer’s attempt to tug him along and looped his arm with theirs. Said arm turned up and pointed to the sky as he grinned smugly. But when he opened his mouth to speak, the first thing that came out was an old-school phone ringtone. His eyes went wide in surprise at his own slip, and he clamped his teeth shut, which did nothing to muffle the sound.

Everyone was quiet for a moment, and then Kibitzer broke into giggles. “Wonderful contribution, Spamton!”

“H—hEy! Don’t m4ke fUn of M[eye]—!” he stammered, his grin twitching up into his eye as he grasped fruitlessly at the air again.

“But it’s funny!!” Virovirokun said, starting to laugh a little herself.

Kibitzer was attempting to quiet down their snickering when Spamton’s entire face turned a deep red, a cartoonish display of his frustration. “S—”

“I d0n’T aPPREciATe youR [condescension]!!” Spamton snapped, yanking his arm away from them. “ThaT’s a real [jackass move], Kibitzer!” He was already stomping away from them before they could process his sudden change in demeanor.

Kibitzer tensed up and stared at him as he walked away—well, walked ahead of them, since he seemed to realize he had nowhere to actually storm off to. “Gh…! I didn’t—I was—!”

“Jeeeez… moody one, isn’t he?” Virovirokun commented with a tilt of her head.

“I mean…” Werewire started to say, but they paused, and then shrugged. “Eh.”

Kibitzer grimaced as they played the interaction back in their head. Logically, they had an inkling of why Spamton was upset, but the much louder part of their mind was just frustrated with getting yelled at regardless. They finally settled into a glare, their ears drooping a little. “I was literally about to apologize, but okay..” they grumbled. They crossed their arms tight, hiding their hands in the fabric of their hoodie.

³ They all walked in silence for a little while. Despite Virovirokun's usual bluntness, she remained quiet from that point on, as did the generally calm Werewire.

Kibitzer had nothing to say—no room in their head for comments they might usually throw out there. They had begun maintaining around six or seven feet behind Spamton to avoid disturbing him with their presence, and their anxiety grew heavier as they continued on in silence.

Spamton hadn’t said a word since his outburst. He hadn’t even made any grumpy quips like Kibitzer had kind of expected him to. He just avoided everyone’s gazes and marched onward with his head low. Just seeing him this quiet and reserved when he was usually so lively and excitable was somewhat alarming.

As Kibitzer remained quiet and fell into a somewhat rhythmic gait, they pondered the short, explosive little exchange they’d had.

They hadn’t given it any thought until now, the way Spamton randomly broke into alternate phrases spoken in a voice that wasn’t his own. They’d lost track of how many other voices they’d heard fly out of him, and yet the only one they had ever found alarming was—

“0 Left.”

Unlike the rest of his glitched phrases, which often sounded like they had been clipped from old recordings or even songs, those words had been clear as day.

‘Focus,’ they thought, pulling their thoughts back to the argument.

It was at this point, however, that they realized the rest of their thoughts could only boil down to speculation, and if they really wanted to make things right, they would just have to talk to him.

Taking a deep breath, they began to pick up their pace. They caught up to him after a few seconds and reached for him, their mouth opening to speak—

“Whoa!! What the heck are those??” Virovirokun shouted, causing Kibitzer to jerk to a stop before they could actually make contact.

Everyone turned their heads to look around and their eyes quickly settled on movement they spotted across the street.

What looked like a cluster of separate shapes floated rhythmically across the road, many of them discolored in places and with more shapes overlapping them. There would be soft flashes of light and then their colors would change, or they would glitch away from themselves like Spamton did on occasion. They made no sound except the occasional quiet beeps and ticks.

“Oh, those are just corrupted programs,” Werewire said, their casual tone indicating they didn’t see the new shapes as threats. “They’re usually just a nuisance that the Ambyu-Lances clean up.”

“Are they… citizens?” Kibitzer asked, staring at the wandering cluster of data with some suspicion and rubbing their arms to ward off the cold that was starting to seep back into their clothes.

“Maybe used to be?” Werewire said. “Hard to say. Just don’t touch em. Should be fine.” There was a pause, before they turned back to Virovirokun. “How have you not seen them around before?”

“I have, but the ones I get are usually more…!”

Kibitzer began to tune out the other two as they stared at the corrupted programs and then back to Spamton. They didn’t exactly understand the type of technology this city was drenched in, but based on what they had witnessed up to now, they couldn’t help but wonder if Spamton’s mannerisms were of the same variety as this “corruption.”

They opened their mouth to ask another question, but then stopped, their ears perking up when they finally heard Spamton murmur something.

“[used] to be….”

Kibitzer’s heart skipped a beat, and with a little burst of determination, they closed the gap between them and put their hand on his shoulder, effectively stopping him in his tracks.

“SshH[1]t—!” he exclaimed, jerking his head to stare at them with wide, almost furious eyes.

⁴ “Hey. I’m sorry,” Kibitzer said, their voice firm but their grip gentle. They released him and quickly shuffled to stand in front of him, noting the way one of his eyes squinted and his brows knitted, giving him a deeply torn expression as he seemed to process what they’d said. But before he could respond, they continued, holding their hands up at their sides, as if lightly holding an invisible box. “I really wasn’t trying to be a jerk. I just… assumed you didn’t care about the whole… thing, with your voice.”

Spamton’s eyes kept glancing up and down as he watched them talk with their hands and try to articulate an explanation. When they were done, he remained still for a few moments, and then he crossed his arms. His gaze slowly fell from them as he glared at the ground, his expression still tense as he appeared to be thinking over their words.

But once again, Kibitzer thought of more to say. “I…. Can you tell me what set you off exactly? I don’t know—I can’t read your mind, but I do listen—”

Finally, Spamton looked up, one hand grasping at the empty air again as he sneered. “CaN y0u STop [running your mouth] so I c4n [con//CEntRate][%]??”

Kibitzer froze with one of their hands still in the air, and then slowly relaxed their posture, curling their hands into the fabric of their hoodie. They slowly turned their gaze away from him, biting their lip to hold back any further thoughts, even the instinctive little “sorry” they wanted to give him in response to his complaint.

They stood there in awkward silence and waited, glancing up frequently to find him tensing various parts of his face or holding his chin in one hand, staring deeply at nothing in particular. They would occasionally glance at Werewire and Virovirokun, who were clearly waiting for them to finish their talk, but trying not to directly watch the whole time.

“You are a good [receptionist].”

Kibitzer jumped a little when they finally heard him speak up. “Ah…?”

Spamton held up his left hand, showing off his recently-wrapped finger, which had only bled through a little in certain spots. “I am [[Still Johnny From The Block]] to you?”

Kibitzer felt their heart skip a beat, their eyes widening a little. They noted how he didn’t add anything more to try correcting his interrupting phrase. Did he trust that they understood him anyway, or was correcting himself just something he didn’t see the point in?

“Of course!” they answered, an impulsive smile tugging at their lips even as their eyes betrayed a growing nervousness. “Eheh—I don’t know what to say, I mean… yes? You’re… a whole-ass person, dude! And you’re rad!” They chuckled. “I guess… that’s why I made a joke about your voice earlier…? I don’t—I didn’t think of it as a defective thing, or.. corruption or whatever. I figured it was like… a quirk!” They tilted their head, the same nervous smile on their face. “A unique thing about you. Everyone has stuff like that. Y.. you know what I mean?”

Spamton glanced at his hand as he lowered it back to his side, and found himself staring at nothing again, his eyes effectively hidden behind his glasses at this angle. “Huh… so that’s your [take].” Kibitzer grew anxious for a moment, but then he let his mouth hang open in a relaxed smile. “That’s new.”

Kibitzer was finally able to lose some of the tension they realized they had been holding, and they chuckled softly as they stuffed their hands into their pocket. “So…? Are we cool?”

Spamton perked up, his smile growing. “Oh, Kibitzer! You really know how to [melt] my [h3art]!” Suddenly, he rushed forward and swung an arm around their shoulders. “You can’t [evict] me that easily!”

Kibitzer laughed. “Yeah? Good!”

The two of them looked up to see Werewire approaching and Virovirokun zipping past them and circling back around.

“Good! You guys finally done making up?? Can we go find a freakin’ shelter already???” she said.

Werewire turned their head towards Kibitzer for a moment and gave a subtle nod.

“OF COURSE we’re [[Ready Upon Arrival]]!” Spamton shouted, tightening his hold around Kibitzer and bringing his grinning face so close to theirs that their cheeks were almost touching. “Right, [business partner]??”

Kibitzer chortled and put their arm around him in return, though they had to just move it behind him and touch his side, since he had pretty much taken over their combined form. “Yeah! Lead the way, buddy!”

Spamton’s body shook as he cackled, snapping his head back and forth like a mad man, and then he finally released them and turned around.

The four of them continued their trek through the city, sticking within several feet of one another. The air didn’t seem to change much, having settled at the below-freezing temperature it had been stuck on all night. The tension had faded away, though they all still remained silent for the next ten minutes or so.

“So… do you think it’ll ever stop being cold?” Virovirokun asked.

“Well… maybe the Queen will have a solution,” Werewire suggested.

Kibitzer stretched their arms out before sticking their hands under their hood and digging their fingers into their hair to feel the heat of their scalp. “Can’t believe it’s this cold everywhere because of those Lightners…” they muttered, earning a glance from Spamton as he walked alongside them.

“Those [cleaners] have been [hammering away] [[♫ All Night Long ♪]],” he pointed out.

Virovirokun snickered, but quickly masked it as a cough. “You mean the murderers?”

Kibitzer watched Spamton’s face, making note of how his jaw relaxed out of his usual grin and his eyebrows were partially hidden behind his wide glasses. He didn’t answer Virovirokun, instead wrapping an arm around Kibitzer’s shoulders and pointing past their face.

“I spy a [straggler],” he said.

Across the street, someone was roaming the sidewalk and holding his feathered hands up to cup his eyes like binoculars. He was blue and wearing silver plates and a green tabard around his waist.

When he turned and spotted them all, Kibitzer made note of a beak, which quickly opened as the stranger hollered towards them.

“Well, what do you know! Finally, intelligent life!” He then muttered to himself, “Well, relatively intelligent compared to frozen statues.” He bounced on his thin chicken legs. “ANYWAY!” He began to rush across the empty street to meet them.

⁵ As he drew closer, the Darkners sensed a familiar power glowing within him. This caused Kibitzer to tense up a little, though they felt no malice from him. Spamton briefly glanced at them and shifted one of his feet in front of theirs as the Lightner made his way to them.

“Greetings, Cyber City citizens!” he said with a wave of his wing. “Fear not! I, Berdly, am here to guide you! For I am your Queen’s Ultimate Warrior of Unmatched Intelligence!”

There was a stretch of quiet, until finally Virovirokun said, “What?”

“You work for the Queen?” Werewire asked.

Berdly smirked and held one wing up to his chin in an L formation, almost as if presenting his own face to them. “Yes, indeed! She has entrusted me to search for our dearest party member, but she told me to keep an eye on her subjects as well!”

Virovirokun zipped up to him, smiling wide. “Good!! Everything sucks down here! Is there a survivor shelter in the mansion or something?”

Kibitzer finally stepped forward, earning an anxious stare from Spamton. “Does she know what’s going on? Have there been any announcements or… troops sent out or something?”

Berdly blinked as he took in all their questions, before putting his wing back to his chin in thought and squinting his eyes as he stared off to the side. “Well—there definitely hasn’t been an announcement. I would know if there was, obviously.” He turned his head and looked out towards the very distant, writhing Dark Fountain on the horizon. “But I’m sure it’s a strategic move on Queen’s part. It’s best to keep her trap cards face down, after all!” He turned back to the group. “In the meantime, I would be happy to assist you in finding shelter from this RNG winter we’re having!”

Virovirokun zipped around Werewire with a delighted chirrup. “Yes please! We wanna be warm already!!”

Spamton grabbed Kibitzer’s arm and tugged them back a little, leaning in close and whispering in their ear. “We need to keep our [[10 Foot Rule]] from the Queen. This is [risky business].” Unfortunately for him, his glitched phrases didn’t seem to adhere to his attempt to stay quiet, so he ended up blurting out those words to everyone.

Kibitzer turned their head and whispered back, “Well… we don’t have to follow him the entire way. But we need to get there anyway, right?” They glanced to the side. “Maybe find some warmer clothes while we’re at it?”

Spamton nodded vigorously. “[Check: yes]! We’ll [tuck and roll] at the last moment! Good thinking.”

Kibitzer chuckled quietly. "I’m starting to wonder if you know what ‘tuck and roll’ means."

“Whatcha taaaaalkin about?” Virovirokun asked, leaning close to the both of them. “Are ya ready to go??”

“Oh, don’t worry about me!” Berdly interrupted. “I am in no great rush. I’m well-equipped for the harsh conditions. A bit of chilly air isn't enough to lower my HP.”

Kibitzer’s heart skipped a beat, and for a moment they stared at Berdly with tightly knitted brows and a noticeable frown. But they quickly looked away, curling their arms up and holding their elbows. “Heh.” They relaxed again, softly humming a tune to themself.

As they retreated into their mind, Virovirokun loudly told Berdly, “Not worried about you! Just cold! Let’s go!!”

Berdly seemed to ignore her correction and focused on his stated goal. “Well then, if everyone is ready, ONWARD! To the mansion!!” He pointed up into the sky as he practically cheered.

⁶ The four Darkners began to follow him as he took confident strides down the road.

Kibitzer reached up and rubbed their arms, starting to feel a deeper chill once again. It ached in their chest and tingled throughout their body. It wasn’t long before they were glancing at Spamton, finding themself hoping he would put his arm back around them so they could feel someone else’s warmth. He had to be just as cold as they were, they figured. And yet, he wasn’t shivering or holding himself. The most he was doing to stay warm was keeping his hands in his pants pockets as he walked.

“Aren’t you cold, dude…?” Kibitzer asked quietly.

Spamton turned his head slightly towards them, his eyes focusing on them for a moment. “I’m [burning] like [frozen ants].”

Kibitzer snorted. “Y-you mean the numb tingles?” they asked to clarify.

“Yes. Just like the [[Electric Boogaloo]]!” he confirmed.

Kibitzer chuckled and hugged themself tighter. “Yeah, I’m very Ants right now.”

“Werewire is never cold,” Virovirokun quipped as she zipped around in some attempt to keep her body’s heat output high.

“Have you seen my legs? Of course I’m cold,” Werewire retorted, briefly tilting their head down towards their long, skinny legs. “I just don’t complain as much as you do.”

“Complaining is good for you!” Virovirokun said.

Kibitzer watched the back of Berdly’s head as he lead them in the direction they had already been going. Even as they kept an eye on him, they found nothing alarming about him. If anything, he almost seemed a little… small, in this world, like the rest of them. Still, he was the third Lightner they’d met in this city after going their whole life never having seen one, and that was a fact they found a little suspicious.

‘Could they have been traveling together?’ they wondered. ‘Heh—come on, not all Lightners know each other. This city is so big—it’s probably just a coincidence.’

“Hey!” they called out. “Berdly, right?”

He paused and turned around. “Why, yes, that is indeed my name,” he confirmed with an exaggerated smirk. “How might I and my vast intellect assist you?”

Kibitzer hesitated for a moment, squinting at him and his overbearing self-praise. “Yeah, I just wanted to know what you’re gonna do if we run into… the Lightners that are freezing people,” they said, pausing briefly when anxiety tugged at them.

Berdly was quiet for just a moment, and then he raised his arm high in the air, palm open. In the next moment, a bright flash of energy formed a yellow eyeball in front of his hand, before it moved up and embedded into the form of a green axe, the handle now in Berdly’s grasp as he grinned triumphantly. “I’ll stop them with my Holy Halbird of Justice!” he declared.

Kibitzer stared at the axe with some alarm, but that was the extent of the fear that slipped out at that moment. “Ah… so you don’t know them, huh?” they said quietly, breathing out a sigh of relief.

Berdly swung his halberd in front of him, before “sheathing” it behind himself as it dissolved into nothing.

“Stop waving your weapon around and waaaalk!” Virovirokun whined.

Berdly started forward again, putting a hand to his chin as he pondered out loud, “Oh, I do hope I can find my dearest Noelle before those villains do…!”

“Noelle?” Kibitzer spoke immediately, before forcing a chuckle. “Well, w-what do they look like?”

Suddenly, Berdly stopped again and turned back towards the group. “Oh! Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt to ask some… eheh—normies for info,” he said, raising a wing up to cover one side of his beak as he flashed probably his fiftieth smirk of the hour.

“What the [[Fifty-percent off]] did you call me!?” Spamton suddenly growled through clenched teeth, both his hands making aggressive grasping motions in front of him.

Kibitzer quickly held their hands up against his chest to hold him back. “Eeeasy, there.” They forced a smile towards Berdly. “Yes, tell us! Maybe we’ve seen your friend.”

“Ah, yes!” Berdly retorted, pointing a finger up matter-of-factly. “Well, you see, Noelle is a lovely blonde doe—my closest partner in intelligent endeavors! One could not so easily miss her flowing white dress and admittedly endearing buck teeth.”

“A-hah!” Kibitzer blurted out with an ungodly tense smile. Spamton was stiff as a board too, but he followed Kibitzer’s lead. “Cute description you’ve got there!” They reached over and took Spamton’s hand as their heart began to race. They couldn’t tell if this bird was somehow oblivious to what his friend had been doing or if he was just fucking with them, but they weren’t about to travel with him straight to her and that bloodthirsty human.

“Alas, Noelle is shy and timid. I have to find her so I can protect her!” Berdly said, already turning away to walk forward again.

As he moved on, Kibitzer nodded a bit too eagerly and rambled, “Oh wow. You’d better find her, then!” They tugged Spamton over to Werewire and Virovirokun, already putting a bit of distance between them and Berdly.

⁷ “Guys,” they mumbled as low as they could, “let’s take a different route to the mansion.”

“Eh—?” Virovirokun said, freezing in a dramatic pose for a moment, as if totally shocked.

“What made you change your mind?” Werewire asked.

Kibitzer lowered their voice further, into a full whisper. “The person he’s looking for is dangerous. Let’s get out of here.”

“Huh? Oh..” Werewire seemed to understand.

“What!?” Virovirokun squealed, though she seemed to be attempting a whisper.

“C’mon.” Kibitzer started to pull Spamton along until he picked up the pace and walked beside them.

Werewire gestured for Virovirokun to start moving as well, and followed the two of them in a wide arc around Berdly.

“What if he notices us??” Virovirokun hissed loudly.

“I don’t think he cares,” Kibitzer muttered. “Just come on.”

Kibitzer took a sharp left and started running, effectively leading the others, who sped up to keep pace with them as they ducked in between two buildings to lose Berdly’s line of sight. They barely heard him mutter a question as he probably realized they had all left him behind.

It wasn’t very windy, but the chill in the air was sharply felt when they rushed through the alleyway and down another road to pass Berdly behind the cover of buildings. Beyond this point, they cut through a second alleyway to add more distance, and after running a couple more blocks toward the mansion, they crossed yet another row of tall buildings and popped out at an empty intersection.

Empty, except for the scattered corpses of frozen citizens.

Kibitzer groaned quietly and looked away for a moment. “Okay…” they muttered.

“Okay!” Virovirokun repeated, zipping around to hover in front of Kibitzer. “I’m confused! Why were we running??” She glanced at Werewire. “I mean, I heard the first part, but that was the only part.” She tilted her head.

“That [frozen chicken] is in cahoots with that [h0chi mama]. No good for anyone here,” Spamton said.

Werewire stifled a snicker.

Kibitzer rolled their eyes with a small smile. “Noelle. He’s talking about Noelle.” They turned to Virovirokun and Werewire. “She’s the one freezing people. I don’t know why Berdly acted like he didn’t know, but I don’t want him presenting us to those Lightners on a silver platter.” They sighed.

“Oh, jeez…” Werewire admitted softly.

“Crap, we really dodged a bullet, didn’t we!!?” Virovirokun shouted. “But now what do we do???”

Kibitzer glanced at Spamton, who returned a brief look at them, his half-smile looking just a bit wobbly at the corners.

“Me ‘n Spamton are going to the mansion to get… something,” they said, crossing their arms and shivering. “But we weren’t planning to just charge in there guns-a-blazing.”

“Huh?? You’re going there anyway?” Virovirokun said with an exaggeratedly raised brow.

“I mean… it’s the Queen. Surely she’s working on a solution to all this,” Werewire suggested. “We just don’t want to travel with someone who might attack us.”

“Or lead us directly to those freaks,” Kibitzer finished with a slight glare to the side as they reached up and lightly touched one of the raw patches on their face.

“[QU-ee33N]’s working on a [quick fix] alright!” Spamton interrupted, practically jumping in front of them all. “But we NEED. To be there. When she d0es!!”

Kibitzer stared at him for a moment, the gears in their head turning as they remembered his wording from earlier—distracted. “Oh, like, she’ll be busy! Dealing with the Lightners!”

“[[Egg]], KiBitzer!” Spamton shouted, his grin widening. He then tilted his head towards them and pointed both fingers at them like he was about to pitch them to a company. “See? That’s why you’re my [+1]! You [get it].”

“I try!” Kibitzer said with a chuckle.

“Plus one? What, like a buddy system?” Virovirokun asked. She turned towards Werewire with deliberately wide eyes and let out a little gasp. “Werewire, are you my plus one?”

Werewire shrugged. “Guess so.”

⁸ She turned back around and grinned triumphantly. “Yeah! It’s a double-date to the apocalypse!”

Kibitzer paused for a moment, before breaking into a grin as well and laughing. “Hell yeah!” They smiled to themself as they remembered how Spamton had let them snuggle up near him to warm up, and then they turned that smile towards him and draped an arm around him like he had been doing to them. “I wouldn’t even still be here if it weren’t for you, heh!”

Spamton’s glasses turned to static for a couple moments before he stammered out, “R—[[True Or False]] [Y]—Are yoU s3rious??”

“Uhh, yeah!” They smirked, noticing how he seemed to lean into them. “I don’t live here! I’d be home hiding under a pile’a grass in my burrow by now if I hadn’t met you!”

Spamton snapped his head towards them, his eyes hidden behind his glasses as they reflected light from the nearby neon signs. “KIBITZER! You [funky] little [✓]! Cancelling your [[Friday Night Plans]] just for me??” He suddenly stood up tall, pulling Kibitzer up with him. “Why, that makes me so happy, I could just [[S&#!]] myself!!”

“PBFFBFFT! I’m sorry, dude, there’s no way context makes that better!” Kibitzer laughed.

“Oh my god, you two!” Virovirokun said.

Spamton turned directly to Kibitzer and gripped their arms firmly, staring wildly into their eyes. “[[Hush Now]] and accept my [moist] gratitude!”

Kibitzer practically choked on their laughter. “Stoooop! Ahahahaha!”

“He’s got to be doing it on purpose..” Werewire muttered.

“You and me—” Spamton continued, actually shaking by that point.

Kibitzer threw their hands up over his mouth. “Stop, I can’t—!” They struggled to breathe through their screeching laughter.

Spamton stayed put for a moment, and then let go of Kibitzer to put his hands on his hips. “Joke’s on you! My mouth is [just for show]!”

Kibitzer stopped and stared at him, their eyes wide and their mouth in an open grin—the look of someone who had just discovered something amazing.

“Wait, what!?” They pulled their hands away and paused for a moment, still smiling. “What do you mean?? Show me!”

Spamton opened his grinning mouth wide and held it, yet his voice came out perfectly clear. “How do you think I [bug out] without a [digital hardware]?”

Kibitzer stared into his mouth, and sure enough, they could see a big round speaker at the back of his throat. They also made brief note of the muted blue color of his tongue, compared to their own pink.

“Whoa…!” was all Kibitzer said at first.

“Waaaiiit, so does this mean you don’t eat normally or something?” Virovirokun asked.

“No, he eats,” Kibitzer replied, turning towards her for a moment.

Spamton remained there with his mouth open, barely able to tell if Kibitzer was still looking.

“He just feels no pain, apparently,” Kibitzer continued, nudging Spamton playfully. “Those analogues were way too hot.”

Spamton finally closed his teeth, wearing his usual smile. “I am [in conSt4nt agoNY]!” he replied.

“Eheh…! Then.. stop doing painful things!” they said. Some part of them knew there was more to that statement than they knew how to unpack. They felt bad for brushing it under the rug like that, but then they considered that prodding him to explain would cause him more stress. “Anyway… we stopped again. We should keep moving.”

“[[Eyes On The Prize!]]” Spamton agreed cheerfully. “Follow me!”

“Oh, okay,” Kibitzer said with a chuckle as Spamton started walking ahead of the group.

They all began to move forward, each pair sticking fairly close together as they traveled. They made quiet banter with each other, though Spamton and Virovirokun seemed to struggle with the “quiet” part sometimes. Whenever they saw a frozen person, they steered clear of them. Virovirokun and Werewire glanced away sometimes, and other times they went ahead and looked, perhaps out of morbid curiosity. Kibitzer turned their head away every time, and Spamton didn’t even react to most of the corpses they came across.

It was like he was already numb to this type of violence, and Kibitzer wasn’t sure how alarmed to be about that. The possibility that Spamton had committed violent acts like this wasn’t lost on Kibitzer. They had just met him yesterday, after all—how would they know? But they held onto the idea that his apathetic behavior stemmed from something else. All they really knew was that they didn’t expect Spamton to hurt them, and for now, that was enough.

Eventually, the four of them took a narrow road past some abandoned buildings and came out to a wide open area with several frozen people near a large billboard. It was a whole display, surrounded by a bunch of pink traffic cones and a glowing marker on the road. Printed on the billboard was a bright yellow ferris wheel over a purple background and the city skyline lit in pink, making for a very inviting sight. The billboard itself was bordered by real lights, and yellow text in the free space read, “Come ride the Cyber World’s biggest ferris wheel! (we can’t speak for other types of wheels)” and “Children ride for free on Thursdays.”

“Hey…!” Kibitzer said. “I wonder if this is the same carnival we went to.”

From behind them, Spamton perked up and scurried over to their side, leaning over their shoulder as he took a closer look at the billboard. “L0ok, Kib. We [met our quota] at the [circus]!”

Kibitzer snickered softly. “Yeah? I guess it counts.”

The two of them stared up at the ad for a while, both silent as their minds wandered. Kibitzer remembered those first couple hours—how quickly the city had succumbed to the cold. Even back when they had just come out of the laser tag game, it had been chilly already.

Kibitzer sighed softly, and opened their mouth to speak—

“Uuuggh…! I’m STAR-VIIIIIIIING!” came Virovirokun’s loud voice from behind them, effectively breaking their train of thought. “I haven’t eaten since this morning!”

“It’s okay, Virovirokun. I haven’t eaten since I was plugged,” Werewire said, half-joking.

She actually paused and looked at them for a moment. “When were you plugged?”

“This morning,” they dead-panned. When they received only an unamused stare, they waved their hand. “Just kidding. It was probably… last week?”

“Duuuuuuude!” Virovirokun said, jittering back and forth around Werewire. “How are you not dead, I’m literally starving!” She spoke so quickly that it sounded almost like one sentence.

Kibitzer and Spamton glanced at each other for a moment, and suddenly a loud stomach growl sounded out… from Spamton’s mouth.

Kibitzer raised both their eyebrows at him and gave him a stiff smile. “Yeah?”

“The [power] of [artificial vocalizations]!” he confirmed with a grin.

Kibitzer chuckled. “Okay, so we’re all hungry. Wwwwhat do we do about it?” They turned back towards Virovirokun and Werewire. “We tried to break into a restaurant earlier, but the owner was still inside..”

“He tried to clobber us!” Spamton added. “It’s a [[Dog-Eat-Dog]] world out there!”

“Yeah, yeah, well duh??” Virovirokun said. “He probably thought you were the killers or something!”

Kibitzer looked up to find Spamton heading towards a narrow space in between two buildings with a light on the other side. They quickly scurried after him. “Hey! Business partner, where are you running off by yourself?”

“Kibitzer, I’ve been by my [lonely existence] since the [phone] died!” Spamton retorted. “I just realized, this place is [old memories]!”

“Hey, I think I understood that one!” Virovirokun commented as she followed the two of them, Werewire calmly going along without complaint. “But what was that about a phone?”

“A-HA!” Spamton exclaimed, standing with his legs wide at his sides and his hands on his hips. “I knew I remembered one of those [schmucks] settin’ up shop here!”

They all looked up in the direction he was facing. Nestled in a corner was a slim building with a big door that revealed the bright interior of a shop. On the front of the building were pink and blue striped designs with the black silhouettes of shoes on one side and what looked like tea cups on the other side.

Spamton started to walk inside, but before passing through the doorway, he pointed to the tea cups. “That’s our [[One-Way Ticket]] to [eat your words]!”

Kibitzer followed him closely, already shrinking in fearful anticipation. The doorframe was covered in frost.

“Careful… ‘kay?” they said quietly.

Spamton hesitated. “You got it.”

The inside of the shop was filled with shelves and tables housing different types of shoes. Many of them were named after some kind of theme: “dating” shoes, “breakfast” shoes, and so on. And at the back of the store were two counters, one with a simple register and another with a small café behind it. There were many flavors of coffee and tea lining the back wall, and when Kibitzer got close enough… thankfully, there was no corpse this time.

“O-okay.. maybe they did escape, heh…” they sighed out.

⁹ Spamton immediately clambered onto the bar and rushed to the back, where a device about 15 inches tall sat on the counter against the wall. It had a sleek appearance, rounded like an egg, and a shiny black shell with a tray at the bottom. “Come on! Whaddaya [loitering] around for!?” he said, turning his head towards the group with a big smile.

He lifted the machine up, scooping his hands underneath, and carried it back to the counter where the other three were gathering. Then he turned back and grabbed four porcelain tea cups from a rack on the wall.

“Uhhh, we came here for food, not coffee or whatever,” Virovirokun reminded him.

Spamton fiddled with the machine for a moment and then flipped a switch on top. The machine lit up through gaps in its plastic shell, and a small screen turned on, initially showing a “...” before switching to “Ready.” It seemed to be battery-powered, as there was no cord to be seen.

“Try the [^^] taste of [[Someone]]!” Spamton blurted out.

He pressed a button on the machine and then placed his palms on either side, settling them in circular indentions. A thin blue line appeared and slowly moved over the whole circle before seamlessly disappearing on the bottom. And with that, the machine shook slightly for a moment, and a stream of pastel colors began to pour out of the top and into the tea cup. When it was finished, he had a swirl of pink-and-yellow liquid in a cup, which he quickly snatched off the tray at the bottom of the machine and slid over to himself.

“Alright!! Who’s n3xt? [Kibitzer]?” His eyes immediately darted to where Kibitzer was standing.

They blinked and briefly glanced at the other two, before approaching the counter. “Sure, alright!” They looked over the machine for a few moments. Upon closer inspection, they found small instructions on the side, so they quickly scanned over them. Then they did as Spamton had, placing a cup in the tray and then pressing the top left button, which had a small cup shape on it. Then they quickly placed their hands on the big circles on the sides and waited while their palms were scanned. With how small they were, it almost looked like they were hugging the machine.

It quickly whipped up another cup of liquid, this time a bright orange color.

“Awwww yeah! People-themed tea time!” Virovirokun said cheerfully. She zipped over and bounced eagerly in the air. “Do me next! It’s my turn!”

Kibitzer let go of the machine and took their cup from the tray, their frost-nipped hands burning a little when they touched the warm cup. They then moved aside so Virovirokun could make hers.

“It’s tea [in the shape of you]!” Spamton said as Kibitzer brought their cup to their face and took a careful sip of it.

It was warm, as if the machine had anticipated they wouldn’t want it scorching hot. Kibitzer paused and stuck the tip of their tongue out as they tried to make sense of the taste. There was tea. That much was clear. The flavor was somewhat like a mix of berries and leaves, but it was extremely subtle, like flavored water. “Huh…. Weird.” They looked up, and found Spamton already reaching out towards them. “Uh..”

“Usually for the owner of the tea, it’s not that [[Satisfaction]],” he said, making grabbing motions towards their cup. “You’re supposed to [share]!”

They leaned forward and finally noticed the color of his tea, which he had left on the counter off to the side for now. Then suddenly, their face lit up as they put the pieces together. “Ohhhhh! You mean you drink each other’s tea because your own is too close to you? Like how people are kinda numb to aspects of themself ‘cause they live with them every day?”

“Basically like that,” Werewire chimed in. “Supposedly, the machine makes tea based on you. So it’ll taste different depending on how the person drinking it feels about you… or how they feel about themself, I guess.”

“Oh wow…!” Kibitzer turned back towards Spamton and then glanced at his cup. “So then, the tea you made is Spamton Tea?” They giggled a bit.

Spamton seemed momentarily distracted, glancing towards his cup and then pushing it a little further away. “Uh huh. Here! Let me [slurp] yours!”

Kibitzer raised an eyebrow at his action, but they relented and handed him their cup of tea. Their ears perked up as they heard their other two travelling companions talking.

“Werewire! Look at my tea! It’s so pretty!”

“Huh,” Werewire murmured in response.

“Here, try it and let me try yours!” Virovirokun pushed her cup towards them and then pushed the machine closer as well. “Come on, come onnn!”

“Okay…!” Werewire said, chuckling a little as they followed the procedure that the rest of them had gone through and ended up with a tea of their own, which they then passed to Virovirokun. “I haven’t done this in awhile, heh.”

“Dude, drinking your friends’ tea is the best!” Virovirokun said cheerfully.

“Are we friends, Virovirokun?” There was a hint of fondness in their voice as they asked.

As Kibitzer listened, they found themself noticing each time one of them referred to the other by their species name. Kibitzer couldn’t tell how long they had known each other, but they seemed friendly enough with each other to have exchanged names by now. The thought of repeatedly calling someone by what they were struck them as rather odd and maybe even uncomfortable.

Their thoughts were interrupted when they glanced back at Spamton across from them and was immediately distracted by what they saw.

¹⁰ He looked like he had been caught doing something embarrassing, his eyes wide and staring back at them as he sat frozen with the cup held up to his face in both hands and a very long, dark blue tongue lolled out of his mouth and curled into the cup.

Virovirokun gave him a dumbfounded and very judgmental squint, but she didn’t say anything.

Kibitzer and Spamton maintained intense eye contact for a few more seconds, before Kibitzer finally spoke up as their mouth twitched into an awkward smile. “You, uh… eheh.. like the tea, Spamton?”

He finally glanced down at the cup, and then curled his tongue further before pulling the whole thing back into his mouth, swallowing the tea with a wet gulp. “Yowza! That is some [5-star review] beverages!”

“What the heck?” Kibitzer immediately retorted with a stiff smile that made it look like they were about to burst into laughter.

“I was [savoring] it!” he shot back with a soft glare.

Kibitzer paused for a moment. “But why were you all… ‘mlleeghhh’ about it?” they asked, tilting their head and sticking their own tongue out to accompany their sound effect as they asked.

“In c4se you haVen’T [used your eyes], Kibitzer, my [mouth] is [[Different Model: Please check your receipt for details!]]” he said, beginning to bounce his head a little as he expelled more of his energy.

“Still weird!” Virovirokun quipped.

Kibitzer huffed out a sigh as they considered his words. They sounded silly, but they seemed to confirm Kibitzer’s earlier suspicion that he couldn’t properly close his mouth. “Eheh… alright, alright.” They chuckled and looked over at his cup of tea, before starting to reach for it. “Well, since you uh, claimed my tea, I guess I’ll drink yours—”

“[no]!” His hand suddenly grabbed their wrist, a little tighter than necessary. When he saw them wince, he let go and instead picked up the cup, holding it close to himself.

They hesitantly took their hand back and raised an eyebrow at him. “Hey, you’re the one that said we’re supposed to share these…!”

Spamton glanced down at his tea, his brows creasing. “Well….” He looked back up at them and flashed a smile. “Maybe I did… [scream] that..”

“You totally did, and then drank my tea,” Kibitzer interrupted.

“Right! Well, the [nitpicks] don’t matter. Eh—don’t you think my… [representative juice] might be a little [acquired taste] for you…?”

Kibitzer stared at him for a few moments, quiet. He was tripping over his words, which, oddly enough, was not something he did a whole lot. Even with his vocal interruptions, he clearly knew what he wanted to say most of the time. Maybe he wasn’t used to trying to convince people not to take something. It was kind of the opposite of what a salesman would be skilled at.

“Gimme your tea,” they said bluntly, staring into his eyes.

¹⁰ He was hesitant as he glanced down at it once again, before slowly holding it out to Kibitzer, who took the cup and started to raise it to their mouth.

“Just… [take it slow],” he warned.

As with any unfamiliar drink, they did start with a small sip. As soon as the liquid touched their taste buds, their eyes widened in surprise, which didn’t do anything to ease Spamton’s worries.

There were multiple strong flavors mixing together and just plain confusing them for a second—as if someone had mixed foods that didn’t normally go together. The flavors were held together by a subtler taste that they found themselves holding onto. That was the part they really liked, but it wouldn’t be separated from the rest, and it was almost the relief of a less intense taste in contrast with the others that made it so nice.

“Hm....” They just stared off for a moment, still comprehending the weird mix of flavors.

Spamton had slowly been bringing his cup back towards his mouth as he watched Kibitzer intently. He didn’t make any move to drink his tea, electing to focus on their reactions. “Well? [[Leave A Comment]]?” he prodded with a nervous smile.

Kibitzer blinked, thinking of the right words to use. “It’s um... strong. Not bad, but like... kind of overwhelming? But there’s also a softer taste that I really like. Like all at the same time,” they explained. They braced themselves and then took another drink, their mouth tingling with the stronger flavors but holding on to every slight taste they could get of the glue that held them together.

“Huh!” Spamton sat up straight and just stared at them, his expression hard to read as it fell comfortably into his default smile. With his simple response out of the way, he finally brought his cup up to his mouth, holding it there and continuing to watch Kibitzer.

They stared back as they swished the tea around in their mouth, humming occasionally at the strong flavors and that beautiful glue. After several seconds, they noticed him still holding his cup close to his face and let out a short laugh. “Go ahead..” they said, waving their hand assuredly.

And with that, Spamton opened his jaws enough to let his tongue slither out and lap at his tea. As they watched him, they could have sworn they saw his eyes dilate just a bit when he tasted the tea again. But they went quiet and returned to drinking their tea, their eyes still settled on him while he visibly savored every sip of his.

It was a weird and almost uncomfortable exchange, both of them staring into each other’s eyes as they drank the liquid representation of the other, as if waiting for their final judgment. It reminded Kibitzer of a trust fall type of thing, though ‘trust’ wasn’t quite the word to describe this. It was an activity that, at the very least, forced them to be honest with themselves, if not each other.

Every time Kibitzer took a drink, they initially felt a strong, yet vague response to the tastes. They weren’t bad—they repeated that thought each time, because while their reaction was intense, it wasn’t negative. But each time, it caught their attention to a degree that they would pause and just focus on it. And then they would taste the glue, and their confusion would settle down into a pleasant warmth, and they would do it all over again. Never a dull moment; never a regret.

“I think I like it,” they finally said with a smile. By this point, they were down to a third of their cup, and Spamton had already licked his clean. They smiled and chuckled at the sight of him just awkwardly sitting there with an empty cup and watching them. “And I see you liked mine.”

Spamton glanced down at the cup and then gave them a thumbs up, his glasses rapidly switching their colors and magnifying his pupils as they looked in opposite directions. “Tastes like [a light in the dark]!”

Kibitzer took in his words and felt a warmth in their chest. There was nothing confusing about his inserted phrase. He knew exactly what he meant.

“Yeah, well, mine tastes like Werewire’s nerdy face!” Virovirokun piped up, giggling softly.

“So I’m a nerd now?” Werewire asked.

Kibitzer looked up at the two of them, Werewire sitting a little bit down the bar and sipping their tea while Virovirokun zipped through the air, hyper as ever. And suddenly a thought they had from earlier returned to them.

“Hey,” they said, leaning towards Werewire. “I gotta know something. Why do you guys call each other ‘Werewire’ and ‘Virovirokun’? Aren’t those just your species?”

Spamton looked at Kibitzer as they spoke, creasing his brows for a moment at their question.

“Oh, right.. You’re not from around here, huh?” Werewire answered, turning their body in their chair to face them. “Uh, it’s kind of how things are in the Cyber World, as far as I know. Maybe it’s just in the city, but… since there’s so many of us and we usually meet pretty briefly, we don’t tend to bother with names. Maybe after we actually form a relationship with someone and plan to see them again.”

Kibitzer listened with clear interest. “… Huh. Come to think of it, people at the laser tag game were doing that too.” They suddenly turned to Spamton. “So have you been the Spamton species this whole time??”

Spamton almost immediately slammed his hands on the table with a glare on his face. “[[%$#!]] NO! There’s only one Spamton G. Spamton! You’re lookin at a [[One Of A Kind]] [original product]!”

Kibitzer held their hands up placatingly and chuckled. “Alright, I got you! I’m the only Kibitzer I know too.”

“You look kind of like an Addison gone wrong,” Virovirokun said with a giggle.

Spamton tensed up with a loud grunt. “AN-NEE-WAY! Kibitzer, finish your tea so we can [take a ride around town]!”

With the way he reacted, Kibitzer knew Virovirokun had spoken some semblance of truth, but they decided not to push it.

Kibitzer began to finish off their tea, pausing when they caught a glimpse of their hands. “Mm?” They held their cup out and looked at their hands at various angles. The reddened, raw patches of skin that had been leftover from Noelle’s ice attacks had faded away considerably, now looking as if they were several weeks healed. The tender feeling had disappeared as well. “H-hey…! My hands are…!” They placed the cup on the counter and reached up to feel their cheeks. “My face too! My injuries are going away!”

This seemed to excite Spamton, who leaned forward with a big smile. “You mean it [fixed] you??”

“I… think so!” They smiled with renewed energy. “I—”

“Hey…!”

The four Darkners suddenly went silent and turned their heads towards the sound of a new voice from the doorway.

“What—what are you doing??”

Chapter Text

“Hey…!” It was a new voice among the four of them, prompting them to turn around and look towards the door. “What—what are you doing??”

Standing in the doorway was a man with pastel pink fur covering his body and hair of the same color tied back in a ponytail. He was wearing a dark green sweater underneath an oversized black denim coat, and white jeans.

“Where’s—did you buy that?” he stammered, throwing his eyebrows up in flustered judgment as he looked over the group of Darkners drinking tea.

“Uhhhhh, no,” Virovirokun said.

“No one’s here.. Apocalypse n shit,” Kibitzer added.

“Don’t—!” The man shook his head, before sighing. “N-never mind. I came here as fast as I could! Bon isn’t answering my calls!”

“Who?” Kibitzer asked.

“My brother! We run this shop together!” He looked around, clearly noticing the frost on the walls as his face reflected his shock and fear. “Ha—have you seen a pink Addison?? He usually wears, uh… w-well, if he was here, he’d probably just be in work attire..”

“We haven’t seen him, no,” Werewire said. “But... there’s no.. body here either…. Maybe he’s hiding out somewhere.”

“Okay, what’s an Addison?” Kibitzer blurted out.

Everyone looked at them with surprised faces, the pink man looking especially flabbergasted. Spamton was nowhere to be seen.

“I—Addison! People like me!” the man stammered, raising his voice and starting to speak more frantically. He suddenly bent down, holding his face and breathing hard. “Fuck…! I can’t find him! I…!” He pulled his hands down and then pulled his phone out of his coat pocket, dialing a number and holding it up to his ear as he waited impatiently.

After a couple moments, everyone perked up at the sound of a ringtone, playing more of that disjointed noise music Kibitzer had heard at Misty’s earlier. Then, after another few moments, a cell phone was tossed up onto the counter in view of everyone, and with little more than a confused murmur of “Who…?” the Addison rushed forward and snatched it up.

He held it, staring at the image of his own photo popping up and the name “Cammie” displayed underneath.

He hung up on himself and then unlocked the phone, opening message apps and photos and call history—anything that might potentially have some clue as to where Bon had disappeared to. “Hhhhhh…!” His brows creased heavily over his eyes and his mouth was tensed into a deep frown. Suddenly, he turned to briefly face each of the other people sitting around him. “Are you SURE you haven’t seen anyone that looks like me??”

“Come to think of it, I haven’t seen any Addisons since this all started,” Werewire mused. “Well, uh.. Except for…." They paused and looked towards the counter, where Spamton was distinctly not. “Where’d he go?”

Kibitzer had already noticed that Spamton was hiding behind the counter, but they hadn’t the first idea why. They started to lean over it, pushing their palms onto the surface for support as they peered over… and caught sight of Spamton crawling on the floor down to the right edge of the counter. Next to them, Cammie rushed over and slumped right over the counter in an instant.

“H-hey!” Cammie got back to his feet and ran to the end of the counter, jumping in front of Spamton as he stood up.

¹ The two of them stared at each other, Cammie in particular looking beyond shocked, his eyes wide and brows knitted high above them.

“S… Spamton??”

Spamton stiffened up at the recognition.

“Is that you? W.. where’s—?” Cammie continued, before words failed him again.

Spamton turned his head away, glaring at the wall. “Come on. Quit starin’...” he muttered.

“H-how long have you been—when did you—?” Cammie stammered further.

Spamton clenched his teeth. “Not now, [[Rose]]. Can’t ya see me and these [tag along]s got places to be?” With that little dismissal, Spamton started to rush past him, only to have his arm snatched before he could escape.

“Wait! Where have you been!?”

“H—eY!” Suddenly, Spamton's face glowed red with anger as he jerked and tried to pull away. “Hands 0ff the [merchandise]!”

Cammie held on tight, his eyes pleading to understand. “Spamton, please wait! You have to tell me what’s going on! Where did you go!? We’ve all been trying to find you—!”

“Oh, come off it, you probably didn’t even [[Notification Received]] I was gone!” Spamton spat back, twisting his head to look at him, but still pulling away.

“We were WORRIED! We thought you were dead! We thought you were… demoned away or something!” Cammie said, his voice stretched with frustration.

Spamton turned fully towards him and clenched his fists. “WeLL[wellwellwell]$ I’m CLeARLY F1iiN3, SO LET GO!”

“If… if you’re really okay, then…! Why didn’t you reach out to any of us??” Cammie pleaded.

Spamton’s face glitched to the side as he shouted back in frustration. “W-w—why woUld I [beg] you for [[Press F1 For]] help!?” He finally yanked his arm away. “All you [worm]s L3ft me for tHe neXt [[Big One]]!”

Cammie was quiet for a few moments, just staring at him. “No we.. didn’t!?” He paused, his brows furrowing as he glanced to the side. “We—we were jealous, but we didn’t hate you or anything! You still could have called us if you were in trouble!”

“WEll, T4Ke YoUR [fair weather] 4nd [[Ssssssss]]HOVE IT UP YOUR [[%$#&]]!!” With his face now deeply red with anger, Spamton turned and rushed out of the shop.

Kibitzer jumped out of their seat, already reaching forward and opening their mouth to shout, before halting and staring at the empty doorway with intense concern.

Every nerve in their body screamed for them to start running after him. It was cold and perilous outside, and Kibitzer was already nervous about Spamton straying too far from the group, lest Noelle and that human happened to be around the corner. On top of that, Spamton wasn’t the most predictable person. There was no telling where he would go. They needed to follow him now—but….

They didn’t understand this situation. They didn’t know Spamton’s history with Cammie. They were relatively in the dark about all this. If they caught up to him, what would they even say? How would they help him feel better when they didn’t know why he was upset to begin with?

Cammie was taking deep breaths as he stared at the doorway as well, coming to terms with what had just happened, when he heard Kibitzer utter the words, “W.. what do I…?”

He looked at them, his little pointed ears seeming to perk up at their soft voice. His eyes scanned over their stance, stiff and posed with one leg in front of the other like they were about to break into a sprint, but a face that looked like they didn’t remember how. “You…” he breathed out, getting their attention. “Are.. you his friend?”

That made Kibitzer pause, glancing down and taking a moment to come up with an answer to that. “I.. think so.. I—yeah.” They finally nodded with more confidence. “Are you?”

Cammie looked at them, his eyes tired but soft as he slowly mulled over the question. “We… eheh. We were at one point.” He shook his head a little. “C-can you go after him?”

Kibitzer’s eyes widened, and before they could formulate a response, he continued.

“I mean…!” He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “Maybe he doesn’t need my concern—I don’t know! None of us have seen him in years. He disappeared and we could never find him. Now he just suddenly shows up during all this—? I just….” He sighed. “I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I know he deserves someone who cares.”

Kibitzer felt the tight hold of their apprehension crumble away, and they stumbled forward into a run, disappearing out the door and turning their head every which way to try and work out which direction Spamton might have gone.

For a moment, they saw nothing of note. The layer of snow on the ground was fairly thin, and there wasn’t a clear trail of footprints anywhere. As they turned and faced the road in front of them, they opened their mouth to call out for him. “SPAMT—!” Then they stopped as their eyes fell on a black and white figure across the street, just standing and facing away from them; maybe looking at the sky?

Kibitzer broke into a jog and headed straight for him. They caught him wiping his eyes with his filthy sleeve before he turned towards them.

“Kibitzer, wh4t are y-yOu doing [wandering the streets]?” he asked, his voice glitching with his distress.

They couldn’t help but scoff softly at his awful attempt to play it cool. “Come on, dude.” They took another step towards him. “It’s just us now. Are you okay?”

Spamton stared at them, his eyes hidden behind his glasses. But slowly, familiar globs of static began to run down his cheeks from behind the lenses. “I was suP-posed t-T0 [bee] BIG beFoR3 [reunion+]...!” He held his arms out and tilted his head back, staring up at the sky and reaching for… something. “I h4ve to [show them]. The [strings] that H0ld us caN be [eradicated]. I cAN r3eACh [[Heaven]]!” He smiled as he reached for the sky and more tears fell down his face. “Th-th—[then]! W33—can! I can….” He slowly let his arms fall to his sides, still gazing up at the distant sky as his smile faltered.

Kibitzer listened, eyes wide with interest and concern, as if keeping them open would help them take in his words. They were reminiscent of his confusing rant in the dumpster—when he tried to explain his circumstances, his needs, and the reason why the Lightners let him live. All Kibitzer managed to understand back then was that he needed help retrieving something from the Queen’s Mansion… and now… all they could think to do was reach for metaphors he might have uttered. They hated to admit when they couldn’t understand him, but they were hopelessly confused when he went on stammering tirades about vague ideas like this.

“They watched me [[Lost Control Of Your Life?]]” he continued. “And now, they’re a—zzt!—alll gonna know I n3ver [crawled out of the dumpster].” He slumped, hanging his head down. “All my [old friends]… will see [what a pathetic] [slime] I am….”

Kibitzer listened patiently, holding on to the way his body hung limp, as if giving up. It was a sight that made their heart ache, and for a moment they didn’t know why—why just seeing him so lax and motionless made them so sad. “You’re not pathetic..” they said quietly.

Spamton slowly lowered his head, finally seeming to look at them again. The tears had stopped falling, but now he was shaking again. “Kibitzer,” he began, before leaning forward at least a couple feet and giving them a familiar wild stare over the top of his glasses. “I live in the GODDAMN TRASH.” He was grinning again, as if it were his only means of clinging to sanity as he declared something he clearly hated about his life.

He suddenly threw his head back and jerked it erratically back and forth as he cackled maniacally. Kibitzer watched him, further concern and unease etching into their features. He continued to lose it, the tears returning as he screamed unfitting laughter, until he finally looked at them again and flung his arm up to point far behind him.

“I UsED To be A [[Big Shot]]!” he shouted. “I s0ld [expensive luxury item] [[Come Take A Ride Around Town In Our Specil Cungadero!]]” He had to pause to let more frenzied laughter spill out of him, shaking his body as he curled forward and rested his hands on his knees. “I was ev3rYboDy's FavORite!! [1997] was such a good year! Eh-HA!” His voice hitched and he spun around, throwing his right fist into the nearest wall.

Kibitzer jumped, even as he made no sound of protest or pain. “S-Spamton!”

“Nothin’ like a good ol’ [class reunion] [[Current Year]] to remind a man that his [life]’s gone d0wN th$ Drain…” Spamton said bitterly, still holding his fist against the wall.

Kibitzer was grabbing his arm before they even had a thought. For a moment, they just stood there, lost in their own world, when Spamton’s head snapped around to look at them and brought them back to reality. He almost looked lax again, but not quite, which brought Kibitzer some level of relief. Someone as inherently animated and lively as him shouldn’t be so still.

“[what]” he said, his voice barely audible.

“Just… turn around. Please?” Kibitzer asked.

Spamton hesitated, but he let Kibitzer tug his arm away from the wall, and then turned to face them.

² Before he could say anything more, he felt Kibitzer’s weight crash against him as they wrapped their arms around his neck and held him close. They said nothing at first, but the action was enough to stun Spamton into silence once more, his glasses turning to static.

“Okay…” Kibitzer said, their voice heavy with a strained attempt to hide their own sadness. “How about this…. Even if you are a little pathetic… that’s not terrible.”

The color returned to Spamton’s glasses, but he remained still, seemingly at a loss for how to react to the closeness. His voice came out somewhat quiet, save for the inserted phrases. “Is this a [wow, sick burn!]?”

They didn't let go. “No. I know it sounds weird, but I can’t make you see yourself differently with a single talk, so I’m not gonna try that. It doesn’t matter to me if you’re not as big as you used to be. I like you already.” Even after all that, they still seemed intent to keep their hug tight and their head well-hidden past his shoulder. “And I’m not gonna judge you for living in a garbage can. You’re a survivor! There’s nothing shameful about that.”

Spamton stood there, his arms slowly lifting up and lightly grasping at the air around Kibitzer’s back, as if they were apprehensive about returning the hug. He eventually settled on just pinching the loose fabric of their hoodie. “Heheh…! Eheheheh… come on, [Kibi], I knoW you're just [hostage negotiation]..” There was no more bitterness in his tone. His voice tilted up slightly in what sounded like a hopeful plea.

Kibitzer finally pulled back enough to look at him and gazed into his eyes, almost as if searching for something. “No…” they said gently, before breaking into a tense smile and furrowing their brows. “I like you, idiot.” They chuckled, their voice still quavering a little. “You think I’d be following you through a frozen hell world if I didn’t??”

Spamton stood there for a few moments as they reassured him. His glasses had gone black, and his head turned down slightly. Then, wordlessly, he slowly brought his arms around them and pulled them back into a hug, his grip surprisingly soft around them. “You’re [with me in the dark]….”

It was hard to tell how he was feeling, but Kibitzer felt relief hearing him finally accept their friendship. Now, all they could bring themself to do was gently wrap their arms back around him, keeping their hug loose so he could choose when to pull away.

The two of them remained that way, standing and holding each other silently. Their bodies relaxed against one another, almost as if they were ready to power down for the day.

Kibitzer’s mind was rather quiet, floating through distant thoughts and feelings about their situation. They made no active attempt to think anything through, but their mind still found things to bring to their attention.

‘Someone who cares.’ They played the phrase over in their head. The loneliness of that phrasing, suggesting that Spamton had no one around to care—something that seemed supported by his attitude throughout their time together. Kibitzer wondered how long he’d been on his own, sleeping in dumpsters and… punching walls when he got overwhelmed.

As more time passed, their clothes absorbed more of the cold wind, and their hands began to throb a little.

“It’s still really cold out here,” Kibitzer said quietly, keeping still. “We should… go back inside.”

The two of them stepped back out of the hug.

Kibitzer looked down, finally getting a look at his right hand. The skin on his knuckles was scraped away, the wounds oozing a little blood.

“Maybe get your hand cleaned up,” they added with a gentle smile.

After a moment, Spamton gave them a smile in return. “Fiiine. I’ll let you [[Helloooo, nurse!]] my [damage].”

“Pffhahaha! Come on,” Kibitzer said, giving his arm a playful little shove as they began to step back towards the combined shop they had run from.

Spamton took a step forward, but stopped again. It only took Kibitzer a few more moments to notice the absence of his steps beside them, their ears perking up as they turned back towards him. They said nothing, simply questioning him with their eyes as they remembered the likely reason he was hesitant to go back inside.

They shifted their weight a little, eventually speaking up. “You nervous about going back in there…?”

Spamton put his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest. “Nervous?? NoOoOo!” he said, forcing a laugh through his words. “Just filled with [apprehensive screaming]!”

“Tsh..” Kibitzer gave him a sympathetic smile. “Well… um….” They glanced at the shop for a moment, then turned right back to him. “If you’re not ready to face him… I can just… do the talking for you?”

Spamton raised his eyebrows at them. “[s3riously?] Kibitzer! I’m a salesman! You thiNk I can’T [all bark, no bite] on my oWn?”

Kibitzer tilted their head. “So… is that a yes or a no?”

Spamton hesitated, before tilting his head to mimic them. “You do the [heavy lifting],” he agreed.

³ Kibitzer nodded, and after Spamton caught up to them, they took his arm and led him back through the small parking lot in front of the shop. Spamton stayed behind them as they both passed through the doorway again, and all three of the people they had left behind sat up straight and stared at them.

After returning their gazes, Kibitzer leaned into Spamton and murmured, “Here, go sit at the table over there. I’ll be right over.” Spamton was still for a couple moments, before he let go of Kibitzer’s hand and walked quickly to the far back corner of the shop where a tiny table was placed by the window.

Meanwhile, Kibitzer made their way over to Cammie, who was watching Spamton with intense concern. Stopping in front of him, all they could manage at first was, “Hey….” They didn't know what to do about the way he was looking at them, like the family member of a patient waiting to hear how long their loved one had to live. Kibitzer ended up breaking eye contact and staring at the floor to their left instead. “So… I don’t know all the details about… what you guys have been through.” They turned back and looked at Spamton, who was just sitting patiently at the table and glancing up at them as he kept his head turned to the wall to make it look like he wasn’t watching anyone. Kibitzer turned back to Cammie. “I’m just here for him. He’s trying to reach something and we have to get there soon.”

They paused when they saw Cammie nod slowly, a look of sadness weighing on his face.

Kibitzer continued, “But he won’t be alone! I’m staying with him. So….” They paused again, looking at Spamton for the second time, perhaps searching for some kind of confirmation or instruction. But the most they got was the eager way he sat up straight in his chair, like a dog waiting to receive food. “I’m gonna go help my friend now.”

With that, they padded across the store, receiving a silent stare from Cammie, who watched as Kibitzer joined Spamton at the table and unclipped the first aid kit from their pants. They smacked it onto the table and opened it, and Cammie watched in silent awe as they pulled out the gauze pads and ointment and gestured for Spamton’s hand, which he willingly held up for them to take and patch up.

Virovirokun and Werewire watched the pair for a few more moments as well, before turning to each other so Virovirokun could murmur, “So… what happened??”

Cammie let out a relieved sigh and slumped against the bar. He pulled out two phones—his and Bon’s. He stared at them both, his eyes filling with pain and worry, and finally he let out a heavy sigh and slipped them back into his pockets. His lip quivered. “C.. calm down…” he breathed out to himself, getting a brief glance from Virovirokun.

Meanwhile, Kibitzer was putting away the first aid supplies as Spamton looked over his newly-treated hand. The skin was still red, but the bleeding had slowed to nearly nothing, and the initial spill had been wiped off, replaced with a thin coat of ointment. Many of his older wounds had healed over, aided by the tea, so Kibitzer had finally taken off the old, filthy bandages and covered any remaining wounds with fresh ones.

As Kibitzer and Spamton rose from the table, Virovirokun floated off her seat to meet them. “Hey! So, what’s going on now, huh? We all just gonna sit around all mopey?” she asked.

She had asked the question loudly, but Cammie was the only one who didn’t look up to answer. He was on his phone again, frantically typing out something.

“Well… we’ve all healed up and rested, right?” Kibitzer paused, glancing between the three of them. “So… we should get going.” They looked at Spamton. “Right?”

Spamton’s eyes momentarily darted to Cammie before focusing on Kibitzer. “Yeah.” It was probably the simplest answer Spamton had ever given to anything.

Kibitzer nodded.

“Well, I guess we can’t stay in here drinking tea forever!” Virovirokun said.

“Mmhm,” Werewire… agreed?

Kibitzer turned to Cammie as Spamton was already scooting towards the door. “Are… you gonna be okay? It’s….” They hesitated.

Cammie stood there with his hands holding his elbows, staring off to the side as he formulated his answer. “It’s okay… heh.” He turned his head back towards them, giving a soft, closed-eyed smile. “I’m going to meet up with some friends.”

Kibitzer felt a sense of relief, knowing he wouldn't be alone out there either. They offered a smile in return.

“Yeah, he made like fifteen phone calls while you were gone!” Virovirokun said.

“I only counted eleven,” Werewire corrected.

“I know, I’m just exaggerating! Sheesh!”

As the two began to leave, Kibitzer turned towards the door as well. They stole one last glance at Cammie, pausing for a moment when their eyes fell on a tuft of pink fur behind him—a tail? “Good luck. Be careful, ya know?”

Cammie nodded, his eyes following Spamton as he stood at the door and looked back at him. “You guys too….”

The four Darkners walked out into the cold once more, walking with a little more purpose in their steps after recovering energy from the healing tea. The city was still so quiet. The ferris wheel display was still lit up and standing with no audience. They passed it and took the next road over, leaving it behind.

“Man…!” Virovirokun said. “This is nuts.”

“It’s something,” Werewire said half-heartedly.

Kibitzer let their mind wander and glanced around at the surrounding buildings. This city was massive, full of countless lines of buildings that all looked the same to them. The only other thing they recognized was the fountain, the perfect marker to lead them to the Queen’s Mansion. And Spamton’s target was there, meaning he had either left something behind after being there before or acquired knowledge of the item somehow.

“Hey, Spamton…” they said, turning to him as they walked.

He perked up. “[WHAT]cha got for me?”

Kibitzer watched the fountain pulsing in the distance. “What are we after?”

Spamton tilted his head slightly, then put his hands on his hips and leaned back like he was stretching. “Oh, Kibitzer! It’s [[Unlike Anything You’ve Ever Seen Before!]] I [guaranttee] it!”

“Well, yeah! I mean, I was thinking—If it’s in the Queen’s Mansion, then it must be unique right? Otherwise you’d just go somewhere else to get it.” They looked at him again. “So you’ve been there before?” They said it like a statement, with only the slightest questioning tilt at the end.

He let out a tiny grunt in his throat, his pinprick eyes darting to them. “I did say I was a big shot [[Previously On]], d1dn’t I!?”

Viovirokun flew above him. “Waaaiiit, so you’re a has-been?” She giggled as he grew red in the face.

“NO!” he immediately shouted, his head snapping up to glare at her.

“That’s literally what you said! Hahaha!” she retorted, zipping around to avoid his hands as he tried to grab them and shouted glitched profanities.

Kibitzer began to slow down as they noticed something in the distance. A few bright twinkles floated up from behind some buildings far ahead, and Kibitzer swore they could hear high-pitched little sounds. “H-hey, guys—wait a sec.” They pointed up towards the lights. “What’s that?”

When Virovirokun and Spamton stopped yelling, there was a brief moment where everyone could clearly hear them: distant chimes—the sound one would expect to hear from an instrument that looked like stars.

But then something else happened.

⁴ There was a loud multi-layered whine as a pale pillar of ice shards exploded from the earth and shot into the sky, twisting endlessly until it reached its peak and burst like a firework. Besides the screeching sound it made, the more familiar sound of heavy wind began to kick up as snow formed seemingly out of nowhere and swarmed around the pillar of ice, which continued to shoot into the sky like a second fountain until it finally reached its end, scattering the snow far and wide, and leaving broken clouds to drift outwards from the central point. It was like watching a storm erupt out of nothing.

Everyone had stopped walking by that point and just stared at the disruptive display.

“W… w-what…?” Kibitzer stammered.

A gust of wind rippled out from the nexus and passed over them all, chilling them straight through their clothes.

Virovirokun audibly shivered and curled up a little. “H-h-holy crap!”

Kibitzer immediately reached around themself and gripped their arms tight. “Is that them!?”

“Oh god…” Werewire muttered, curling their ears down against the back of their head.

“WHAT THE HECK!??” Virovirokun began to jitter back and forth.

Spamton followed her lead as a choked cackle escaped his throat. “S-s-sweet [nipper], thAT’S s0me REAL [cryonics] POWER!” he exclaimed with a wild grin.

“Yeah! No shit!” Kibitzer huffed out, shock clear in their voice. They slowly turned to look at him, clenching their teeth and shivering. “Well.. d-don’t look so excited about it, jeez!”

“That’s freakin outrageous is what it is!!” Virovirokun squealed, turning to face Werewire. “They just made a STORM! We can’t go near that!! UH UH! NO WAY!”

“Virovirokun, calm down…” Werewire said gently. “I agree. That looks too risky.”

Kibitzer hummed, their brows furrowing as they continued to stare in the direction the snow storm had come from. “I… d’you think we… should maybe—”

“Come ON, Kibitzer!” Spamton blurted out. “Live a little! Take [gambles], make [ERR0R][errorerrorerror]—” He suddenly smacked himself in the face. “Our [[Golden Opportunity]] is sO cL0Sse I can [devour] it!!”

“Dude! Fucked up!” Virovirokun snapped.

Kibitzer bit their lip. Part of them could already feel their resolve weakening. They had just barely started to get used to dealing with the below-freezing temperature outside, and now it was windy and far colder and… snowing again. The white ice crystals floated erratically through the air and over the Darkners, and Kibitzer let out a grunt. “Is… is there any way we can… like, get in there without going right behind those Lightners?”

Suddenly, there were hands on their cheeks, squeezing their face a little.

“Kibit Zerrr! There’s [no way out]. THiS is [[Once In A Lifetime Offer]]!!” Spamton heaved. “You gotta grab liFE by the [silly strings] and RIP—”

“DUDE, shut up!! You’re being WAY too pushy right now!!” Virovirokun shouted.

Spamton’s head snapped to the side and he stared at her. “YOU. Do n0T. UndERstA—”

“Knock it off!” Kibitzer shouted, looking between them with a glare. Starting with Virovirokun, they let out a quick sigh. “Yelling at him isn’t gonna help. When has that ever made anyone back off?” Then they turned to Spamton and firmly placed their hand on his head. “You need to calm down! Didn’t I already say I’m not leaving? If we gotta do this, then let’s do it! But you seriously gotta stop spiraling every time we talk about it!” Their glare softened, giving their eyes a fondness that said they were on his side.

He was frozen again, the lenses of his glasses black. Kibitzer stood there, keeping their hand on his head despite how badly they wanted to curl up tightly to ward off the cold winds. They let him disconnect from the world to process their words at his own pace.

Virovirokun huffed out a whine. “Okay, well…! I’m still freaked out by this! I think we should just take shelter and wait!”

“Well… my place isn’t too far from here…” Werewire said. “I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to go there with me.”

Virovirokun looked back and forth between Werewire and the other two. “Y… y—yeah! I’d rather do that!”

Werewire nodded, shifting their body to face Kibitzer and Spamton. “I’m with her on this. I don’t think I want to be at the mansion just yet, and… it might be safer to just hide out and hope the Queen gets this all under control before we run out of food or.. something.”

Spamton’s glasses had lit up again and he had his head turned to look at Werewire as they talked.

“Hey, that’s fine!” Kibitzer said, finally taking their hand back and burying both of them in their armpits. “I mean, jeez, it’s not like we’re attached at the hip or something! You guys gotta do what you gotta do. And we gotta do….” They found themself looking at Spamton. “Something else…. That’s okay. Stay safe, ya know?”

“Yeah…! And you guys take care of yourselves,” Werewire agreed.

“Don’t die!” Virovirokun chirped.

“Not a [75% chance]!!” Spamton shouted.

“You heard him!” Kibitzer laughed.

Werewire turned to their left and started walking, Virovirokun zipping to their side and singing a quick little jingle.

“It’s us again, huh?? The Dynamic Duo!” she said.

“Are we dynamic?” Werewire replied.

Kibitzer and Spamton watched them leave as they began to continue forward as well. But as their voices grew more distant, Kibitzer turned back and shouted, “Hey guys!” When the two of them turned around, they continued, “What are your names? Maybe we can find you again some time!”

They both remained still for a moment, then exchanged a look between themselves, before turning back to face them.

“I’m Koko!” Virovirokun declared.

“I’m Donaron,” Werewire said, waving their hand in a friendly manner.

Kibitzer nodded with a smile. “Nice to meet ya!”

“HEY EVERY !” Spamton shouted, waving his arm in a wide arc.

Donaron chuckled. “Hi and bye!”

“YEAH!!” Koko cheered.

With that, they resumed their departure, Kibitzer and Spamton watching them go for a few more seconds. Then Spamton turned back around and started walking first, so Kibitzer followed.

“This is it! Just me and my [[Friend Request Accepted]] against [ザワルド]!” Spamton declared to the empty city block.

Kibitzer chuckled softly to themself. “Hell yeah! We should like, paint a wall or something.”

He turned to them. “What, are you serious?? You mean [illegal art]?”

Kibitzer turned their head, scanning their surroundings as if checking to make sure no one heard them. “Yeah! Who’s gonna stop us?”

Spamton burst into a brief cackle. “What a saucy little [brain child] you just had!” He began to look around as well, before putting his hand up to his chin to demonstrate that he was indeed considering it. “Hmmmm, tell ya what. When I’m livin’ [Big], we’ll paint th1s whole ciTY!” He held his hands up, as if presenting the sky to them. “SoUNd goOd!?”

Kibitzer raised an eyebrow, but their smile was sincere as they remembered he was determined to arrive in time for Queen to be busy with the Lightners. “Heh… yeah. No problem.”

The two of them fell silent after that, both walking alongside each other and doing what they could to fight off the cold. Kibitzer could see thick clouds in front of their face whenever they breathed out, and focusing on that only seemed to make the cold more painful, so they began to look for other things to occupy their attention.

The fountain was still distant, but it was getting closer with every city block they cleared. The streets were littered with frozen corpses—such a horrific sight, and something Kibitzer wasn’t sure they would ever be used to. Like a gruesome image from a horror movie, the faces stuck in their head and chilled them when they looked. And they looked more frequently than they wanted to, intrusive and cruel urges tugging their gaze whenever their mind was allowed to wander.

Despite all of this, Kibitzer felt more relaxed than they had since they had arrived. The city was quiet, as it had been since the Lightners drove everyone into hiding. But this was a different kind of quiet. It wasn’t tense or apprehensive. In this moment, it was peaceful.

It almost felt wrong to feel that way in a situation like this. If anything, perhaps they should have been more anxious now that their group was split into two, and that meant they had less protection if they ran into danger. They should have been more disturbed during this moment of quiet, when it was so much easier to be drawn to look at the dead people they passed—easier to take in the fact that they were heading straight for the most dangerous place they could be going right now.

And yet, they felt a sense of security—of confidence. They even felt a flutter of enthusiasm as their mind flashed to home, and they thought about how Spamton might like the purple grass, or being able to yoink fresh starfruits off the trees, or meeting all their silly neighbors. After Spamton got his… thing, and he was ready to rest, maybe….

“This is okay,” Kibitzer said.

Spamton turned towards them, his face noticeably red from the cold. “You’re not [ice cream]?”

“Oh, I’m freezing my ass off,” Kibitzer retorted, smiling stiffly and pulling their hands out of their armpits to briefly rub their arms before returning them to their hiding spots. “But I’m ready to do this, ya know? It’ll… help you, right?” They tilted their head slightly.

Spamton turned his head up and gazed at the sky. “[[Press F1 For]] help. It’ll be [game-changing], Kibitzer.”

“That big, huh…?” They looked up as well, a contemplative look in their lidded eyes. “It must really be amazing.”

“You’d b3tter believe it! Soon, I’ll be [[Bigger And Better Than Ever]]!” Spamton cheered, facing ahead again and clenching his fists at his sides.

“Yeah, heh…!” Kibitzer hesitated.

It was easy to pick up patterns in the things he said after awhile. The way he so frequently talked about being “big” was impossible to ignore, but every time, it reminded Kibitzer that they still didn’t know what they were going after. Oddly enough, this had never bothered them very much, but as they got closer and closer to the mansion, and the great impact this thing would have was becoming more imposing, they caught themself wondering a lot more.

“So what is it?” they finally asked, turning to look at him.

“[[♪ WHAT IS LOVE? ♫]]” he replied.

Kibitzer snorted. “Okay, okay. But like, for real?” They paused until he looked at them again. “What’s.. this thing you’re trying to get?”

His brows furrowed, and for a moment it looked like he might be averse to answering. But then he threw his arms up and turned to fully face them, stepping backwards to keep up their pace. “Picture [it’s me!]… but b1gger! And freer! And no [strings attached]! I’ll be uNbelievable! But you’ll HAVE to [[believe it or !]] because I’ll be RIGHT THERE, Kib! And then! WE! Will be on top! No one can touch us!”

There it was again. Big.

But something else caught their attention. Us.

“We’ll be on top?” they asked. “It’ll affect me too?”

“No.” He shook his head. “Not the same [process].”

“Well, what is it? Is it like a… a…?!” They jerked their elbows, not willing to expose their hands to the wind just to express themself. “S-some kind of upgrade or…??”

Spamton pointed to them with both hands. “[upgrade: yes]!” he confirmed. “The power of NEO!”

Kibitzer’s mouth twitched up a little. They were excited for him, but their question was barely being answered. “Neo.” Spamton nodded vigorously when they spoke. “What does Neo do?”

Spamton hopped once, grinning wide with his excitement. “It opens the door to [heaven]!”

“Physically, what does it do??” Kibitzer demanded.

“Ah—” He actually stopped, his movements slowing for a few moments. He looked over his shoulder at the mansion, holding that position for a few more seconds before turning back to Kibitzer. “Transfers my… [[Hyperlink Blocked]]… into a [new and improved model]—a robust, [hale and hearty] [vessel]!”

Kibitzer silently took in his words. Model—vessel. Bigger. “A new body….”

“Yes!!” Spamton confirmed with glee. “With so much power, Kib, you’ll be able to [breathe] it!!!”

Kibitzer remained quiet, knitting their brows and gazing to the side so they could focus on their thoughts. All that, and they only now understood the bare bones of his goal. The rest of the details—heaven knew how long it would take them to squeeze those out of him. “I have a lot more questions..”

Spamton was jittering and sliding back and forth even as he continued to walk backwards. “Yeah, yeah??”

“I-I mean, how do you even—? Where did this thing come from? Why is it in the Queen’s Mansion??” Kibitzer stammered.

Spamton leaned towards them. “Oh, Kibitzer—Kib, Kib, Kib—there’s nothing to fear!” He stood back up and held his arms out triumphantly. “Soon we’ll be the ones making the [calls]!” Leaning forward again and tilting his head, he gave them a soft, almost pleading smile, his brows turning up. “Don’t you want that? The [freedom]?”

⁵ The way the word hit their ears sent an intense dread through them, and suddenly they froze up, standing stiffly in the road and staring forward with wide-eyed alarm. “W-we should—! Stop talking about this….”

Spamton raised his eyebrows to show his surprise, and opened his mouth to speak. But he held off for another couple moments, his deliberately prompting expression falling into what seemed like a look of concern. “What’s [eating you]?”

Kibitzer briefly rubbed their arms again and then gripped them hard, shivering aggressively, trying to shake off their nerves. “Oh, it’s… n-nothing you said, I mean… i-it is, but… um….” They turned away from him, their mind clinging to those stinging words even as they tried to drown them out—softly humming a familiar tune to themself for just a couple seconds before stammering out more dismissals. “It’s hard to explain. Bad memories popped up. Y-you’re fine…!”

Spamton stood still for a few more seconds, seemingly at a loss for words. Then Kibitzer felt his hand gently grasp their wrist, and they quickly turned their head back up to look at him. It was hard to read his expression, but he was clearly focused.

“Keep [staring at the sky], and you might outrun the [darkness],” he advised gently.

They stared at him, processing what he had said. By the way he always talked about heaven and seeing past the dark, it wasn’t too hard to decipher what he meant. With the arm he wasn’t holding, they put their hand over his, curling their fingers in a firm little embrace. “Good idea….” They shivered again as the wind hit them, then pulled their arms free and wrapped one around his shoulders. “Come on, let’s go..”

Spamton returned the gesture, pulling them in closer and sharing his warmth with them. “[[Ready For Takeoff]].”

The two of them held each other close as they continued down the road, finally starting to feel like they were going to make it soon. Spamton didn’t seem like one to make a show of his discomfort, but he opened up about it quite a bit once they were wrapped in each other’s arms, shivering and squeezing them closer every now and then.

“H-heh… we seriously gotta find some coats or something,” Kibitzer commented.

“Me? I’m not even that cold,” Spamton replied, but all Kibitzer could do was laugh as they heard his teeth chattering over his synthesized words.

“Yeah you are,” they said, rolling their eyes. “Come on, w-we got this. We’re a-almost there, right?”

“So close to [work out gear],” he agreed with a nod. “W333 [got] [this].”

Kibitzer smiled.

And with that confirmation, the two remained close and made their way through the falling snow and painful gusts of wind, determined to see this through. Kibitzer thought about how incredibly relieving it would be to finally get back on the train and go home, with Spamton having achieved such a big goal for himself and… well, hopefully he wouldn’t be too much bigger, Kibitzer thought. The Queen would likely deal with the Lightners pretty swiftly, which meant they only had a small window to get inside and get Spamton’s upgrade. But it clearly meant the world to him, so Kibitzer didn’t falter.

It was hard to say how much time was passing. The light levels never changed, there was no sun to set or familiar schedules for Kibitzer to follow here. At home, it was simple. When did the shops close; when did their neighbors go to bed; when did the Morphish stop showing up under the river’s surface? Here, everything was monotonous and buzzing consistently. The lights remained on in abandoned or closed shops. The billboards played the same few images perpetually even as it started to feel more and more like a natural disaster had occurred. This city just seemed to have paused, and for all Kibitzer could tell, it had been thirty minutes or it had been hours.

But finally, something changed.

The snow that had built up on the ground grew thicker, crunching under their feet as they made their way into a wide alleyway. Every inch of the buildings making up the alley was covered in frost, and while the wind was somewhat blocked by the tall buildings, it was brutal on their skin whenever it slipped through. Kibitzer and Spamton rounded a corner, clumsily hanging onto each other. Kibitzer had one hand hidden in their hoodie pocket and the other stuffed under Spamton’s jacket collar.

“Jeez…” Kibitzer muttered. “That big snow-splosion really hit this place har—”

⁶ Their voice died in their throat when they looked back up and saw it: a large crystalline mass covered in the powdery snow, fused to the ground by thick shards of ice. There was a mild fog hanging low to the ground and surrounding the area, licking up the walls around them.

“What the…?” Kibitzer muttered, their voice betraying a sense of denial. “It’s.. just a… block of ice? In the middle of an alley? Heheh…!” They looked at Spamton, their smile stiff and their brows furrowed as they searched his face for any reassurance.

Spamton took a couple more steps forward, finally releasing Kibitzer’s shoulders. The moment he did so, they hugged themself tight again and watched with extreme apprehension as he reached out and placed his hand on the ice block. Their brows creased, and for a moment they opened their mouth to speak, but then his hand moved. He brushed the loose snow off the front of the ice chunk, clearing it up just a little, and revealing a blurry dark shape within. Already, Kibitzer was feeling uneasy about this, but the moment they got a closer look at the being in the ice—at the blue wings and beak wide open in horror—their heart stopped.

“That—! That’s… Berdly!” they choked out.

Spamton hummed, tilting his head and squinting at the foggy image of the Lightner they had all tried to avoid mere hours ago. “Yep. That [hochi mama] is getting stronger….”

Kibitzer continued to stare at the frozen bird, their heart pounding out of their chest as one simple fact clogged their mind. “H-how could she do that? Berdly.. ca-alled her a ‘dear friend’...! H-he.. talked about protecting her, and she just—!” They buried their hands in their hair, gripping their roots for a moment and turning away from the ice block. “I don’t get it…! What happened? Why is she going along with this??”

Spamton began to circle the ice block, examining it from other angles while Kibitzer continued their little rant.

“It’s only been a day, right?? M-maybe two—I dunno!” They turned back to look at Spamton, who was giving them an over-the-shoulder stare. “But she… she wasn’t this powerful before! Sh-she couldn’t even kill me! Now, she….” They slowly looked up at the sky, their stomach turning with their continued realizations. “She can drop the temperature of the whole city by killing her friend….”

They stood there, zoning out with their head still tilted back to look at the sky. After a few moments, they felt hands on their cheeks and jumped, their eyes darting to find Spamton in front of them, gently cupping their face.

“We should [click away]. You need to [[Hot, Hot Sales!]] and [use vacation day],” he told them.

Kibitzer looked at him, disbelief forming on their face as they processed his words—at least, most of them. “What do you mean, I have to? You’re cold too!” they blurted out. “And you’re… I mean—you know why I’m freaking out, right??”

Spamton pulled them forward slightly and patted their head. “I’m just [virus scanning] my [business partner].” He took one of their arms and began to lead them towards the massive ice chunk. “Just [block button] for a few seconds.”

Despite failing to discern his glitched phrases with certainty, Kibitzer didn’t need Spamton to tell them to look away as he took them past the grim sight and around another corner.

They took a deep breath, trying to get over their anxiety and disgust. Even after seeing so many icy corpses on the street, the sight of Berdly frozen solid had pierced them all over again, and suddenly they felt overwhelmed. “Fuck…!” they huffed, stumbling to a stop and holding their stomach. “What the fuck….” With Berdly now out of sight, they realized how much tension they had felt in the alley, as if Berdly was somehow watching them or listening to what they were saying—begging for help in his mind, maybe. The thought only made them feel worse, and they began to breathe harder to fight off the aching in their stomach.

Spamton leaned in close to them, his face hovering near theirs. “Do you need to [eject pipis]?”

Kibitzer took a few more moments to breathe, shaking their head softly. “N-no, I’ll be fine….” They pinched the bridge of their nose and shut their eyes for a few moments, a sigh leaving their throat. Their eyes opened and found him, still standing close by, as if ready to catch them if they fell. “A.. are you… bothered by this at all?”

Spamton was quiet at first, turning his head ever so slightly. “Well, it’s a good thing those [steamrollers] have no idea we’re [tailgating] them.”

Kibitzer hugged themself and took a moment to shudder and shake off some of the cold by tensing up their muscles. “HhHhhhHHhh…. No, I mean… all of this.” They shrugged their shoulders in an improvised gesture that wouldn’t require their hands. “You don’t seem to be very freaked out about it! Don.. don’t you think it’s disturbing?”

“Uhh….” Spamton paused, and for a moment he turned his head at an angle that revealed his eyes past his glasses as they gazed to the side as well. Finally, he shrugged. “I got [back-door] knowledge. I knew this would happen eventually.”

“W… wh—how would you…??”

Suddenly, Spamton pointed upwards. “The snow…. The [voice] told me that was going to be when I finally rid myself of this!” He held up the finger that Kibitzer had bandaged up on their first night after Kris had ripped the thorn ring off. “[IT] finally let me [dump] it on someone else. I would have pAID them to [extract] it from me if they didn’t like my [[Low, Low Price Of]]!”

Kibitzer’s mind went back to that night in the dumpster, trying to pull up what he had mentioned then. “Voice—you mean the.. thing that wouldn’t leave you alone?”

“NEVER, Kib!” Spamton exclaimed. “When my [specil customer] [closed the deal], I finally… finally had [[Silent Night]].”

Kibitzer barely hesitated. “W-well, why did it—?” They paused, kicking themself when they realized they had let Spamton’s rambling pull them away from the original topic. “Wait, what does that have to do with… this? You knew the snow meant those Lightners were freezing people?? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Yes!! ThAT’s why we h4d to [swap shifts]! I haD to mEET THEM and get rid of tHat [shackle]!” Spamton explained further, losing some composure as he grew more excited.

Kibitzer stared at him as he talked, and then let their gaze wander as they worked out what he was telling them. This whole time, they had already been aware that Spamton had somehow known what was going on from the beginning—the way he had reacted to the snow made that obvious. Though, now they were realizing they had pushed that knowledge to the back of their mind after they had set off, perhaps finding it irrelevant to the rest of their journey.

“Then… what else do you know about the Lightners? Do you know if they’re going to be defeated? Is any of this reversible? I mean… i-if not, then I’d still be upset if I knew that one day everyone I knew would get massacred!”

“[that’s all she wrote]!” Spamton let out a broken giggle. “My part of the deal is done. Now it’s going to [pay off]! I’m finally getting on the path to [[The Big One]]! And you’re coming with me! Isn’t that great!?”

Kibitzer felt stuck, their mind halting for a couple moments. They opened their mouth to speak before realizing they didn’t know how to respond to that. As ready as they were to follow Spamton into the unknown, they hated those prodding questions, begging them for their excitement or joy. They were too vague—too eerie… too familiar. And to make matters worse, it was starting to feel like Spamton was struggling to hold onto what they were actually saying, just going off on more tangents by himself. “I….” They sighed. “I don’t know.. I just want to finish this so I can stop looking at corpses and freezing to death…!” They hung their head down, shivering and glaring all their discomfort towards the ground.

Spamton remained quiet for a few moments as well. Kibitzer didn’t notice him leaning in again until he spoke. “Are you [afraid]?”

“Well, duh!” Kibitzer blurted out as they looked back up at him. “I mean…!” They paused, deflating slightly. “I don’t know. I’m not slowing down, so I guess I can’t be that afraid.”

“Don’t slow down…” Spamton said, his voice quiet, but heavy with his pleading. He began to lightly tug at their arm to get them walking again. “LEt’s keep going..”

“I’m not gonna give up…. It’s okay,” they reassured him with a weary voice, looping an arm around his and beginning to walk with him again.

They absolutely had more to say, and they knew it. But at that moment, they were so weighed down by it all. They could feel it in the bags under their eyes and in the lead in their legs as they dragged themself forward, only motivated to continue for Spamton’s sake. What it was that kept them so firmly dedicated to see this through, they couldn’t say. They briefly entertained the idea that they were just afraid to break things off and go home early, and then they were surprised by how viscerally their mind rejected that notion. No, it wasn’t that at all. Next, they considered the hope they kept feeling over the simple pleasure of taking Spamton back to Card Kingdom and showing him their life. The idea still made them feel like smiling. Maybe it was that. But it was something else too.

“What are you afraid of, though?” they eventually asked, prompting Spamton to glance at them. “The Lightners didn’t even attack you, so I guess you wouldn’t be scared of them.. But the way you reacted just now….” There was a curiosity in their voice as they tilted their head and found his eyes with theirs. “Are you afraid of… doing this alone?”

Spamton’s brows furrowed, and after only a moment, he shook his head. “This is nothin’. As long as the Queen doesn’t [you’ll never take me alive!], I can pull this off, no sweat! But!” He moved in front of Kibitzer, facing them and walking backwards as he placed both his hands on their arms and gave them a surprisingly gentle look. “Don’t you wanna see it? Don’t you want to [ascend] with me?”

Kibitzer stared at him with a puzzled look, which soon faded into a soft smile. “I… don’t need you to convince me,” they said, a chuckle in their voice. “I was just wondering why. Why’re you so attached to the idea of doing this together?”

“Because!” he practically choked out, squeezing their arms for a moment, before going silent and slowly glancing at his own hands. He released them and awkwardly put one hand over the other, as if trying to keep himself in check, and it served to give him a tender appearance. “It’s better that way.” He then put his hands on his hips and puffed his chest out with a big grin. “I know a [promising career] when I see it, and you got it! A good [heads or tails?] on your shoulders, specil [[Eyes]], and even some decent [wait, no, don’t do it!] skills! You and me—we’re like [[Your Signature Here]], and together, we’re unstoppable!”

⁷ Kibitzer was quiet, listening to him blurt out things that… did describe aspects about them, but… sounded more like a pitch—something he didn’t even need to think over. And maybe he didn’t…maybe he knew exactly what he wanted out of them. But that… didn’t feel right.

“Huh,” they said. “Is that all?”

Spamton raised his eyebrows, seeming to notice some form of disappointment or lack of enthusiasm from them. “Ehhh, well… that wasn’t the full [terms and conditions] or anything….” He started to chuckle awkwardly.

Kibitzer’s eyes glanced over him, making note of the way he slumped his shoulders and stared to the side as he talked. They slowly looked down at themself. “So I bring a lot of great skills to the table, huh?”

“Heheh…! You sure do, Kib!”

“Hmm….” Kibitzer paused, trying to wrap their head around the way Spamton was trying to just move on. Thinking back on their conversation, they realized he had managed to fall off topic again. And just maybe, that was why his answer sounded off. “What are you afraid of?” they asked bluntly.

“Eh—? Didn’t I already [[Survey Complete]]?” He paused, making a show of holding his chin in thought. “I’m afraid of [going swimming] without [acid protection].”

Kibitzer blinked, finding his answer slightly alarming. They slowly looked to the side, squinting. “Okay, that… would be pretty scary.” They quickly focused on him again. “But—no, what makes you freak out over things? Like—I’ve seen you when you’re terrified. What makes you get like that? ‘Cause I know that doesn’t happen because you’re afraid of losing an optional addition to your plan.” They waved their hand around in a dismissive motion in front of their face. “The way you described it makes it sound like I’m more of a pawn—”

“You are NOT!” Spamton paused, looking just as startled by his outburst as Kibitzer did. He lowered his voice back to a normal volume. “You are more than that.”

Kibitzer could tell he was still restraining himself, but they were happy with even that brief vulnerability. “Wasn’t a comprehensive list, huh…?”

“NO!! I—! Listen!” he shouted, his voice exasperated and flustered, and his eyes carrying a panicked look.

Kibitzer couldn’t help but crack a smile, seeing him so quickly lose his composure when faced with the idea that their relationship was as shallow as he had been making it out to be. “Mm…?”

Spamton brought his hands together, his mouth relaxing into a soft frown. “Kibitzer… you are a light. It’s been sO LONg since I’ve taken a [ride around town] with someone like th1s.” His left hand gripped his other sleeve tightly. “I’m afrAID that even wHen I [Becomed] NEO, it’s s-STILL GOing to be [dark].” His glasses went black for that word only, his voice sounding like a strained whisper. “I’m still going to be al0NE.” His body was starting to visibly tremble, and Kibitzer could tell he was trying really hard to keep his voice down, frequently having to catch himself shouting. “You. Are… my [[Friend]]. I don’t wANT you to [contract: expired][No One’s Left—]” He suddenly reached up and grabbed a tight handful of his own hair, his hand making an audible ‘smack’ as he made contact, pulling the hand roughly down his face as he opened his eyes with a strained gaze. “I don’t want you to go away! I want to share my [heaven] with you.” Static tears dripped from behind his glasses.

Kibitzer wasn’t fairing much better, their eyes now barely holding in tears and their lip quivering as they struggled to think of a way to respond.

“Do you… understand?” Spamton finished, letting his hand fall back to his side and leaving his hair even more of a mess than before.

After a moment, Kibitzer nodded slowly. “Y.. yeah! I get that…!” They didn’t really get it, exactly, but it wasn’t hard for them to understand what he was describing to them. Maybe this darkness he mentioned was loneliness, or maybe it was more literal and they just couldn’t see it, or maybe it had something to do with his desire for freedom. Freedom—freedom from what? Why did that idea frighten them more than anything else he had said or done? They opened their mouth again, their voice weak and quiet. “Do you still hear that voice?”

Spamton slowly shuffled forward and rested his forehead against their chest. He shook his head gently in denial. “It’s quiet now. But it’s still dark.”

Kibitzer unhugged themself and softly put their hands on his back. “Dark?”

Spamton took a deep breath. “So dark.”

“What do you mean? Like, you can’t see?” Kibitzer tilted their head.

Spamton broke into relatively quiet laughter. “No, Kibitzer! You don’t understand!”

As he seemed to start powering down in their arms, Kibitzer found themself looking around as another gust of wind passed over them. They shivered. “C-come on. Let’s keep walking while we talk, okay?”

⁸ Spamton looked up as they began to tug his arm, keeping him close so they could share their warmth with him. As they walked, Spamton fell into silence—something Kibitzer actually noticed just as quickly as if he would have continued blurting stuff out. Was he giving up on them, or was he just getting tired?

“I want to understand,” they piped up after a little bit. “You’re so focused on this… all the time. It’s gotta make sense. I just don’t know the details yet.” They turned to him and offered a gentle smile.

Spamton remained quiet a while longer, but he raised his head to look at Kibitzer and maintained his gaze long after they finished talking. His brows furrowed as he seemed to stare at them, and then finally, he spoke up again. “I can see it. I just can’t… [[Establishing Connection]].”

Kibitzer hesitated, but by now, they thought they could guess what he was referring to. “Heaven?” they asked quietly.

“Yes!” he answered quickly, his eyes going wide, before he paused again. “But I’m close! I just need… [[Hyperlink Blocked]].” Just as last time he had uttered those words, his head went lax and his glasses turned to black.

Kibitzer batted the phrase around in their head, looking for any context that would help them understand it. They gave up pretty quickly. “What’s ‘hyperlink blocked?’”

Spamton stared at them, seeming to pause everything so he could think his answer through, which was something Kibitzer was getting used to expecting, along with his jittery outbursts. But this time, he slowly turned his head away, squinting and avoiding eye contact, before finally saying, “I… c4n’t.”

Kibitzer blinked, barely showing their surprise. They couldn’t place why, but they felt a warm calm as they processed Spamton’s response. “You can’t tell me?” they asked gently.

Spamton hesitated, but then confirmed, “No.” He turned to face them again. “But you’ll see it, Kibitzer. I’ll show you.”

At this, Kibitzer couldn’t help but smile. Knowing that he wanted them to be there when he finally saw his dreams realized filled them with joy—and a sense of ease. Spamton walked through life as if he were incomplete, always talking about what would happen after he met his next goal. Then, everything would be right with the world. Then, it would be okay. Kibitzer knew it would be wonderful to finally see him satisfied.

“Hmm….” They leaned into him, still smiling. “Okay. Can’t wait to see it.”

Chapter Text

It had been a vaguely short amount of time since Spamton and Kibitzer left Berdly’s frozen body behind. Kibitzer assumed half an hour, but there was really no telling. Time was starting to drag on once again—between the quiet streets, the unrelenting cold, and the exhaustion weighing their legs down. And with their more alarmed emotions fading, Kibitzer was left with nothing to distract them from how god-damned tired they were getting.

They took deep breaths as they looked around and shivered. “Think I’m reaching my limit, Spams..”

Spamton looked up at them, his glasses hiding any fatigue his eyes might have shown. “Ehehghegh! But Kibitzer, we’re so [proximity]!”

Kibitzer hesitated. They knew the Lightners weren’t too far ahead. Their flashy pillar of destruction had marked that distance pretty clearly. Still, it was far enough that Spamton and Kibitzer would likely be walking into the mansion while the Queen and the Lightners were mid-battle, and if the distracting commotion died down while they were getting Spamton’s new body, it wouldn’t do them any good to be exhausted if they had to fight their way out.

“Yeah, but we should still take, like, a short break, at least. My legs are not havin’ it right now!” they said.

“Hheheh—I can keep going [door-to-door] for days!” Spamton declared with a grin.

Kibitzer snorted, rubbing their arms as their voice caught with their shivering.. “Well, I.. ca-an’t, so you’re not allowed to either!”

“Hey…!” His face froze with his mouth still open in an absent-minded smile.

“Besides… o-once we go in, we have to keep our guard up… right?” Kibitzer continued, staring forward again. “If we end up h-having to defend ourselves, we really don’t want to be drained already.”

Spamton sighed, leaning his head against their shoulder. “Curse these [low battery] bodies.”

“Pff…!” Kibitzer reached over and patted the top of his head with their sleeved hand. “Come on. My feet hurt.”

Spamton sulked as they came upon a slightly denser area where the large road they were walking on slimmed and created a path straight to a massive highway. As with everywhere else, the highway was devoid of traffic by now, though there were actually a couple of abandoned cars, along with several frozen Werewires and a Swatchling. Kibitzer grimaced at the sight, but Spamton perked up and smiled. “Heyyy….”

Kibitzer glanced at him. “Huh?”

He turned his head towards an alleyway to their right. “We’re actually right next to my [free real estate]!”

“Your—?” Kibitzer looked between him and the alley, opening their mouth to ask more questions, before tossing away that intention and instead saying, “Whatever that means, I agree. Let’s go!”

“That’s my [itty bitty]!” he praised, tightening his grip around their waist and tugging them towards the alleyway.

Kibitzer chuckled, holding onto him as the knowledge that they were so close to rest made the cold even more unbearable.

They walked quickly into the corridor and came upon a corner at the end of the short path. And for a moment, Kibitzer felt a frightening sense of déjà vu. They had seen this before, not thirty minutes ago—! Their heart jumped into their throat, filled with dread. Their body tensed up, their eyes wide and alert, as they turned the corner with Spamton and saw—

—nothing. Just some old posters and a green dumpster.

The sigh that left their mouth was soft and full of relief.

“This city really is the s-same everywhere,” they muttered.

“This is the [luxury living] side,” Spamton said.

The two of them stopped in front of the dumpster, both looking up at it and using that brief pause to assess their thoughts.

Kibiter’s eyes darted back and forth to the posters, all advertising a product called “Queen Clean.” The one on the right had the corner ripped off, revealing another poster underneath with a picture of a familiar face, smiling and waving. “Big Shot Autos!” was boldly printed on the poster as well.

“Nnnoo way that’s you,” they commented with a grin.

“Huh?” He looked up to find what they were looking at and then let out a jerky giggle, his face glitching out for a moment. “Yep, just a [hide the evidence] from my days as a [[Big Shot]]!”

“Yeah?” They hummed softly and turned their head back towards the dumpster. “Cool.” It was clear that this was where he had taken them to rest. They briefly glanced at him for confirmation of their suspicion. “So, uh….” They found themself smirking softly, their eyebrows turning up a little.

His head snapped back to face the dumpster. “Right!!” He raised a hand to present it to them. “Welcome to [working from home]!” Wasting no more time, he let go of them and threw the lid up, smacking it against the brick wall behind it with a loud thud. He was already starting to crawl over the side before the lid settled against the wall, when he paused. “[[$!&%]], they emptied the bag again!”

“Huh?” Kibitzer asked as they reached up to pull themself over the side as well.

“Uh—you know.” Spamton held his hand out in front of their face to stop them. “Those [penny-pinchers] that dump all the [recyclables] in the dumpster instead of throwing the damn bag in. Makes it… [unsavory].” He paused, glancing to the side and freezing for a second. “Wait outside.” He swung his feet over and jumped inside, and Kibitzer could hear loud shuffling and the occasional item clanking back to the bottom of the dumpster, before a huge wad of smelly trash appeared over the side and was subsequently pushed out. Kibitzer hopped back as the pile of garbage crashed to the ground—wrappers and plastic bags and bottles discarded and left to clutter the pathway.

Kibitzer let out a tiny chuckle and hugged themself tight, watching with a sympathetic smile as he threw trash out of the only place he had to call home.

After another pile and then some extra pieces, Spamton popped his head back out. “Okay. You can [[Come On In!]] now. Just… keep.. low expectations.”

Kibitzer was about to speak, but then gave up and just chuckled. “Noted.” With that, they approached the dumpster again and climbed up the side, pausing long enough to look inside for a safe place to plant their feet. In those few moments, they spotted several large bags of trash piled in the corners, but they could still see the bottom in the middle. There was a dirty pillow and an old worn blanket splayed out on the floor, along with some attempts at decoration—a poster of some random product that he had scribbled over with paint to draw himself and a bright sun over his head, some ripped out pieces of magazines with photos of cars and lovely mansions, and a string of lights hanging on the back side. “… Hm.” They finally swung themself over the side and ducked down.

Spamton immediately reached up and grabbed one side of the lid, yanking it down and then ducking inside before it slammed shut, leaving them in total darkness. “Just a [2nd].”

“Oh… right, um..” Kibitzer started to create a few magic bullets to light up the inside of the dumpster, when they heard the sound of sparks, and let their bullets dissolve so they could see where they were coming from. “Huh?”

There was a second spark, followed by a loud ZAP and a “YOWCH!” from Spamton, startling a yelp out of Kibitzer as the lights on the wall powered up and illuminated the dumpster about as well as their bullets would have. Spamton sat there, shaking his hand back and forth to fling the pain off before turning and smiling at Kibitzer. “Voila! Internal [stars]!”

“Dude! Eheheheh!” Kibitzer blurted out. They leaned into his space, looking at his hands. “Y-you okay?”

He waved dismissively. “Oh, Kibi, this is nothin’!” He suddenly crawled past them, over to where the pillow was, and batted it out of the way. He grabbed something from under it and flopped onto his butt before turning towards them and holding out an old deck of cards in a box. “Gotta have [LED] to play Poker!”

Kibitzer let their breath out in a soft sigh, shaking their head and chuckling. They slid down to the floor, bending their legs and resting their arms on their knees. With the dumpster walls blocking the wind entirely and the lid shielding them from the snow, it felt significantly more tolerable, though it didn’t take long for Kibitzer to pull their legs in and start hugging themself again. Their eyes scanned the inside of the dumpster, assessing the amount of detail they could see under the lights—the size of the blanket, the wrinkles in the magazine clippings. For a few moments, they let their eyes unfocus and basked in the warm, inviting glow of the lights, all bathing the area in a gentle yellow color. It was similar to the candles that lit their own home at night.

“You know what?” they said, a smile forming on their face. “This actually almost looks like my burrow…!”

“Burrow??” Spamton replied, one corner of his mouth pushing his cheek into his eye. “Like a maus hole?”

Glancing to the side, Kibitzer thought about the type of structures people in Cyber City lived in—those unreasonably tall, sturdy boxes. “Yeah…! It’s… what it sounds like. A hole in the ground that I made my home.” They looked around at the minimal decorations, their eyes settling on the lights again. “I have lights on my walls too… and at night, I just go into my room and sleep in my nest. No need to really… prepare anything. Same as this.” They turned back to him, wearing a smile, but their eyes carrying a nervousness. “Just softer, heheh….”

Spamton was watching their every movement, holding himself just as tightly and clutching the pack of cards in his hand. “Sounds like an improvement over [living in the garbage]. I’ll bet it’s [5 star hotels]!”

¹ Kibitzer looked down at themself—at the clothes they were wearing, all because he had insisted they get something warmer when he noticed the snow. The thought of walking through all this with shorts and no foot coverings was actually horrifying, and they couldn’t help feeling thankful that they had bought these when they did. They also still had their simple hoodie. It was far too thin for weather like this, but it was better than nothing. And when they thought about it, it was possible that it would fit Spamton as well.

“Do you…?” They trailed off, their nerves getting to them for just a moment, before they shook their head and stared at him with renewed excitement. “Do you wanna come see it?”

Spamton blinked with his glasses, and suddenly his weirdly magnified pupils appeared on their screens. “What?”

“My burrow. M-my home,” they explained. “Do you wanna see it?” They found themself smiling wider, their brows furrowing nervously as they stared up at the lights again. “I-it’s… different from Cyber City. Like—way different. It might be weird for you. But I… I dunno, I figured… after all this… you might wanna just… leave. With me.” Their heart skipped a beat when they felt tears pricking the corners of their eyes. Were they really getting emotional? It was shocking—almost funny—to think that they could be nervous about his response. His judgment. “Doesn’t have to be set in stone, of course. I’m sure you have things you’d miss here, but—”

“Y—ee[eE]EsS!” came his glitchy answer, full of excitement. They finally looked directly at him again and found him bouncing his head back and forth rapidly. “KIBITZER! Kibkibkibkib!” He grabbed them and yanked them into a hug, earning a startled grunt in return. He squeezed them tight for a couple moments, before pulling away and cupping their face firmly. “You darling little [sponge], you!” He threw his arm around their shoulders and curled his other arm up in pure delight, clenching his fist. “When I’m [[Big]], we can go annnnnywhere you want!” He turned his head towards them, rubbing his cheek against theirs for a brief moment. “I’ll be your [carry-on]!”

Kibitzer absolutely lit up, wrapping their arms around him and smiling wide. The joy in their voice filled the air as laughter bubbled out of their throat. “YEAH! That sounds great!!” They continued to giggle, tears still wetting their eyes as they buried their face in his shoulder and choked on their voice. “I’m glad you want to! I’m really glad! Ehehehee!” They sat back up and wiped their eyes with their sleeve, before looking back at him, smiling from ear to ear. “It’ll be great…! Heheh… five stars!” They let out an awkward chuckle at their own joke, but Spamton giggled along with them, his cheek spots glowing brightly.

“You know what, Kibitzer? You’re alright! I don’t care what people [word on the street] about ya!” he teased.

Kibitzer snickered. “Oh, yeah, I bet all the dead people have lots to say about me…!” They paused, deflating a little. “Eh, that’s.. not funny. Sorry.” They rubbed the back of their head and glanced away.

“Bah, who’s gonna [[That’s It, I Quit]]?” Spamton twisted around and seemed to shout at the air around them both. “You’re all done for! Get over it!”

Kibitzer snorted. “Stop it, heheheh…!”

He turned back to them, his voice surprisingly calm. “You can never [stop the presses]..” Then, in a somewhat lazy motion, he leaned forward and loosely wrapped his arms around their shoulders—almost shy, as if asking for confirmation before he fully embraced them.

Kibitzer didn’t keep him waiting, holding him back right away. “Heheh, wanna bet?”

He opened his mouth right near their ear, but instead of responding with words, he just played an exaggerated audio clip of someone else yawning.

Kibitzer shuddered, their ear folding over their head as their brain registered the foreign voice as a danger before they realized it was coming from him. “Ah—point taken.” They chuckled, and let out a yawn of their own, a result of the one he played. “Okay… let’s get under the blanket already.”

“Yeah!” Spamton jerked back up, before crawling quickly across the floor and grabbing his pillow. He threw it into the corner and then pulled the blanket over while Kibitzer shuffled closer to him. “You’re okay with [fractional share] again?”

“Ah…?” Kibitzer tilted their head in momentary confusion, before it clicked. “Oh! Pff, yeah, of course.” They quickly followed him under the blanket and got to work stuffing the side of it underneath themself while Spamton did the same on his side, making the blanket hold them both as they pulled it up to their chins. “Th-there… heheh!” Kibitzer shivered, trying to shake off the chill.

They felt Spamton shift under the blanket, pressing his shoulder against theirs. “Now with [portable heating unit].”

Kibitzer let out a cheerful little hum and smiled, murmuring, “Mmhm. With our powers combined and all that.”

² As Kibitzer lay there, they found themself wanting to curl up, as they did at home. And without even thinking about it, they reached across Spamton’s chest under the blanket and draped their arm over him. It had been awhile since they had snuggled up with someone like this. Once they had gotten to a certain age, it had just made sense to move on to their own room—and later, their own borrow. But ever since then, they had started filling their room with soft things: pillows and blankets on top of a cushion of grass. It was always different, but it allowed them to hold something while they slept.

Suddenly, they felt a new warmth on their side as Spamton held them back, matching their own embrace and giving them a sense of completeness. It wasn’t the type of soft that made a perfect burrow, but it was another flavor of gentle that Kibitzer hadn’t realized they craved after going so long without it. The active embrace of another person was something that couldn’t be replaced with pillows or blankets or bedding.

“Man, I can’t wait to get out of here,” they said quietly.

Spamton shifted slightly, looking at them. The tip of his nose almost touched their face, but it gave them an easy path to his eyes behind his glasses, only somewhat obscured in this lighting. They were so reflective that even the small set of lights on the wall put a glare on his lenses instead of properly illuminating his actual eyes, but Kibitzer could still make out their shape as he spoke. “You and me both. This place was a [dump] before the [ice age].”

“Yeah…?” Kibitzer briefly glanced upwards, recalling how the Cyber World had felt when they first arrived: bustling, crowded, and overwhelming; but colorful, beautiful, and fascinating. “I mean, it seemed neat. Like, I bet I’d never stop learning new things here. Just… too loud for me, maybe?” After a moment, they sighed through their nose and curled up a little, nuzzling into his chest. “Not anymore, though, I guess….”

“Heh heh..” Even his laugh sounded tired at this point.

They thought about their earlier comments, impulsively making light of the situation as their surroundings failed to be anything they could pull regular humor from. Spamton hadn’t seemed to care at all, but as the two lay there in silence, Kibitzer began to wonder…

“Does it upset you?”

Spamton’s eyes focused on them again, one eyebrow barely quirking up to show confusion.

“Seeing your home torn apart like this…” they continued. “I know you weren’t exactly.. well, I dunno. What would you do if… uh….” They almost finished that sentence with, ‘if I hadn’t invited you to come with me,’ but they suddenly felt awkward about implying that they could have changed his life all that much. Certainly they weren’t that big a deal.

Spamton let out a brief cackle. “I lost everything [extended wait time] ago! The rest of these [croutons] are just catching up!”

Kibitzer glanced up at him with slightly widened eyes.

Spamton seemed to notice, and his brows knitted for a moment. “Heh…! I was already on my own. There’s nothin’ they can take from me now.” He turned his head up and stared at the ceiling, maintaining a stiff smile. His angry eyes narrowed into a contemplative gaze. “Maybe you got the right idea.” His voice grew quiet and calm as he reached one arm up towards the hanging lights. “To just blow this joint.. Not like anyone will miss ol’ Spamton….”

Kibitzer continued to stare at him, almost shocked for a moment—and the fact that he was inadvertently letting the cold under the blanket didn’t help. They frowned, their mind stuck on his final sentence. “Not even your old friends…?”

“What?” Spamton started laughing and sat up just so he could jerk his arms in protest to the idea. “Those guys won’t wanna [[See Back For More Details]]! They stopped [tender love and care] once I became a big shot! Just couldn’t stand seeing me so close to [freedom]!”

Kibitzer hesitated. That insecurity that they had felt before reared its head again. They didn’t know all the details of his life—his past relationships. For all they knew, he was right. But it still… bugged them. “Well…! I mean… I dunno what all happened, but.. the guy in the tea shop…?”

“Come on, Kibitzer,” Spamton blurted out. “You didn’t really [buy now!] into his [sales pitch], did you? He was probably just embarrassed, didn’t think he’d ever have to [[Face / Off]] me again! Heh!” He gave a smug grin, shutting his eyes to further solidify his confidence in those statements.

“W-well, if he was embarrassed, he wouldn’t have stopped you so he could face you more!” Kibitzer pointed out, before reaching up and grabbing his shoulder. “And get back under here! I’m cold and I know you are too!”

“[[♫ The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway ♪]]” he teased.

“Shut the fuck up, hahaha!”

Spamton allowed them to pull him back down before pulling the blanket back up to his neck and then returning his arm around their side. Kibitzer felt his knees lightly press against theirs as he curled up under the covers.

“Freakin’ sitting up like you’re late for something, you freakin’ cold-ass blanket-puller,” they grumbled with a smile on their face.

The two of them lay there, falling into silence as Kibitzer glanced up at the drawing Spamton had taped to the back wall. To be so unphased by the idea of people he used to call friends being left here to their fates—it just didn’t add up to them. It seemed clear that Spamton still cared about what his former friends thought of him. Sure, he had left without any reconciliation, but it didn’t seem like he was against it. He just wasn’t ready to face them yet.

“So, what really happened, anyway?” Kibitzer asked, still looking at the poster. “With your friends?”

“Uh…!” Spamton paused for a moment, leaving his head vaguely turned towards the ceiling. “I told ya! They [opted out] as soon as I got too [1 million subscribers] for ‘em!”

Kibitzer looked at him softly. It was so clear that there was more to the story, but they decided to start small. “Well… Cammie said.. you disappeared….”

His glasses went black, and he subtly tilted his head down. “That was later.”

“Huh?” Kibitzer briefly paused as they realized, “Well, then…! How did they know you left? They must have tried to check on you, right?”

Spamton’s face glitched upwards as the color returned to his glasses. “I-I don’t know!! [[Inquiry Error]] happens!” He turned his head back up, staring intensely at the ceiling, as if Kibitzer’s eyes were up there. “Look, Kib. All you can be sure of is that [newspaper ads] are made to be desperate. It’s in their [code]. You can’t trust ‘em! They’ll do anything for freedom. And to get freedom, they need [delicious Kromer]. LOTS of it! I guess with that [user agreement], I should have expected ‘em to turn on me. No one needs a [[Big Shot!]] reminding them every day how far they have to [claw].”

Kibitzer was the one to lift their head this time. “You mean it’s in your code too, then!”

“YES,” he said right away, turning back to face them. “No one is more [at the end of their rope] than Spamton G. Spamton! The [freedom] I’m after is beyond what they can comprehend!”

Kibitzer moved their hand out from under the blanket just enough to put their palm up in front of his face. “O-okay, look, if you don’t stop vaguely talking about ‘freedom,’ I’m gonna lose my ass, and that’s not good for anybody.”

Spamton went quiet, probably noticing the slight tremble in their voice. He glared at them and gave no acknowledgement of their attempt to pepper humor into their statement. Kibitzer stared back at him, their eyes holding alarmed anticipation.

Finally, Spamton’s voice took on a suspicious, almost displeased tone as he asked, “What are you so afraid of?”

Kibitzer made a point to furrow their brows and stare at him to show supposed confusion. “Wha…?”

Spamton tilted his head down and stared at them over his glasses. “The freedom is not vague, it’s just indescribable—”

“Okay, whatever! Same thing…!” Kibitzer huffed, turning away from him.

“See? I can see it—the darkness.” Kibitzer felt a brief pang of annoyance at his words. “Your darkness.” They felt a gentle hand on their shoulder, and another cupping their cheek. They allowed him to turn their head back to look at him. His face held a soft encouragement. “[[I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.]]”

Kibitzer knew what he was saying immediately, but it still took them a few moments to come to terms with it. “I… oh..” Their brows furrowed as their mind went straight back to that—a memory that had been haunting them on and off since they had met Spamton and he had started saying things that sounded almost too familiar. Maybe it wasn’t really the words themselves that struck them, but the frantic insistence that warped his voice when he spoke about certain things. “I… I’m afraid of….” They finally looked directly at him as his hand fell from their face. “Okay, this is.. gonna sound weird, but I.. disappeared once.”

Spamton stared at them with big, accepting eyes. “[Houdini]?”

Kibitzer briefly chuckled through their nose. “I-it’s hard to explain, it’s like I fell into… not reality, where everything was there, bu-ut I just couldn’t touch it. And.. it didn’t start getting weird until I met….” They paused, watching his face for any sign of confusion, but they received only polite attention. “Right. Um..” They had to pause to yawn. “Eheh—when I was a kid, I was staying over at my friend’s place, and I accidentally found a prisoner—uh, after I got lost—it’s not important, but yeah, I met a prisoner.” There was a sigh in their voice as they continued. “And.. he talked about ‘freedom’ all the time, like, that was like his whole gimmick. Every time I said anything about him being locked up, he would.. correct me, and say no, he’s the one that’s free, and I’m the one locked up with... everyone else in.. existence, pfff.” They rolled their eyes. “But like, he was weird, but that was about it? He played games with me, like card games n stuff. For awhile. It wasn’t anything bad—maybe my parents would have been freaked out about the ‘HP’ thing, but—but it was fine! Nothing bad happened!” They paused when they finally spotted a look of curiosity on Spamton’s face. “Uh, the ‘HP’ thing was, uh.. when we ‘lowered each other’s HP’ when we played games….” They held their hands out from under the blanket long enough to do some air quotes. “Like, as a penalty for losing. I think it was like an illusion spell, cause… like… I mean, cause he never actually touched me. I never had any scratches or.. anything.”

Spamton raised an eyebrow way above his glasses. “What were you doing getting [in on the plan] with a [captive audience] anyway? Sounds like [risky ventures] from the start!”

“Pff, I dunno, dude. I.. stumbled in there, and I was young and curious?” Kibitzer shrugged and then stopped to wait for his response.

But after a few more moments, all he said was, “[but wait, there’s more]?”

“Hhhm… right.” Kibitzer shifted a little and took a deep breath. “After I met him, I started noticing this weird... déjà vu thing. Like… I would.. feel like something just happened… but it.. didn’t happen the way I remembered it? And….” One of their hands came up to hold their head as anxiety creeped through them. “Uh, that included… um… me, dying.”

³ Suddenly Spamton’s eyes widened, and Kibitzer could see his blown up pupils on the screens of his glasses. “You serious?? You saw the [infinite] possibilities???”

“I.. I guess.” They bit their lip, glancing to the side. “Um… but… it wasn’t just that. Then I.. stopped feeling pain. Or like… it was hard to feel.. things. S-so I started encouraging… Lancer.. to hit.. me. We—we used to wrestle all the time, and we were already pretty rough with each other, like—” They chuckled. “We were kids, we didn’t care about getting bruises or.. heh, we thought it was cool, honestly.” They turned so they were on their back, and stared up at the ceiling. “But I… wasn’t….” They paused for an extra few seconds. “It didn’t hurt anymore. And.. that scared me…. And then I… stopped being able to taste.. food. And..” They bit their lip again, harder this time, their eyes full of distress that they tried to hide by keeping their head turned up. Tears formed in their eyes as they relived their darkest days. “Eventually, people stopped.. seeing me. And… I couldn’t… get their attention.. no matter what I did. It was like I was.. locked out of the world….”

“Whoa!” Spamton gasped. “What a [[Top 10 Thriller Movies]] experience!”

“Heh!! It was!” they laughed bitterly. “I… I freaked out. I scared Lancer when I started getting so violent, and then I.. I…” They rolled back over so they were facing him, their eyes tired and glossy. “I found out that I could only touch or talk to Jevil. And no one else….” Their breath hitched, and they went quiet for a moment as they saw Spamton’s eyes fill with rage. “He said I was ‘free.’”

“You knew that [[%@$#]] clown?!” he blurted out.

Kibitzer looked at him and quickly rubbed the back of their hand across their nose with a sniffle. “Yea. He was locked away from everybody else. And somehow got me.. locked up too.”

⁴ Suddenly, Spamton’s arms shot out, yanking them into a tight hug. Kibitzer sucked in a gasp at the pressure and just stared, wide-eyed, at the wall behind him.

“Don’t play games with [reality benders]. I won’t let them [write you out],” he said gently near their ear while they slowly brought their hands up to rest on his chest. They were silent, and gave no indication that they had anything more to say. They simply basked in his comforting embrace until he finally spoke again. “That is not my [final sale]. I’m not like that damned [circus peanut]. He might think he knows the secrets of this [[World Wide Web]], but that’s not freedom. He’s just one of the few that can [looking glass] his cage. I’m going to open it.”

“S.. Spamton—” Kibitzer stammered, clearly a little rattled by his statements.

“It won’t be like that, Kib!” he assured them. “I know I’m bad at [instructional manual], but I promise: you won’t be [swallowed up] again. This is different. This is good.”

Kibitzer took deep breaths, anxiety overwhelming them for a few moments. They retreated into their thoughts, grasping at every logical reason why Spamton’s goal wouldn’t lead to the same thing happening again. He just wanted a new body with more capabilities. That was nothing like Jevil’s weird magical cage. And Spamton cared about them. He might not have the right words sometimes, but that much was clear. He wouldn’t sacrifice them to get what he wanted.

“Okay… okay…. I believe you,” they said.

One of Spamton’s hands came up to hold the back of their head as he practically nuzzled into their neck. “You did a [prison break episode].”

Kibitzer leaned into him, chasing his warmth and feeling their heart calm down as he held them close. “Hh… yeah. Some… people helped me out. A weird skeleton I’d never met and… would you believe Rouxls Kaard?” They chuckled.

Spamton’s glasses went to static. “I [memory album] him… eheheheh… WORM.”

Kibitzer laughed through the tears that finally escaped their eyes and ran down their cheeks. “Yeah, worm!” They paused and spoke in a lower voice to try mimicking Rouxls’ usual tone. “‘Thou art thee wormest of the Land-e!’”

Spamton and Kibitzer finally relaxed again, letting go of each other and both flopping onto their backs as they laughed.

“Ahaehagha—wait!” Spamton sat up suddenly.

Kibitzer groaned and tried to pull the blanket back up to their chest. “Gah—stop sitting!”

Spamton pointed towards them with a smile. “Your [friend]—Lancer! The King’s son?”

Kibitzer shivered, chuckling. “Yeah, that Lancer! Lay back down, you ass!”

But he was already jittering, holding his fists up and grinning. “You were a [[Big Shot]] this whole time!?”

Kibitzer pulled the blanket up off the both of them and quickly swung it around their own shoulders, then reached out with one corner in their hand and wrapped their arm around Spamton, before pulling the sides of the blanket together in front of them. “There, now you can flail a little bit.”

Spamton giggled and put one of his arms around their side. “I’m not [returning to seller]!”

Kibitzer shivered underneath the blanket to shake off the chills. “Eheh…!”

“Is it time to [be-back bus]?” asked Spamton, turning towards them with slightly nervous eyes.

“Time to what?” Kibitzer asked.

Spamton pointed upwards. “We’re s—s-so [cloO0osSse]” he said, his head turning sharply as he struggled with his glitched words.

Kibitzer’s eyes filled with apprehension as they realized what he meant and felt the heavy weight of reluctance on their body. It wasn’t like they wanted to stay here desperately wrapped in a blanket forever, but they still preferred that over walking through the freezing winds. “Hhhhhnnn…” they whined. “Yeah, I guess we have to….”

Spamton jerked a little, only stopped by Kibitzer still holding the blanket around them both. “It’S t1me to [get big]!” he cheered.

“Okay, okay!” Kibitzer said through a chuckle. When they finally let the blanket go, Spamton practically jumped to his feet, already tugging on their hoodie arm. Kibitzer shivered with an audible huff and swung the blanket back over their shoulder just before Spamton grabbed their hands and helped them up. “We’re taking the blanket with us.”

“[[KEep the change]]!” Spamton replied, pushing the lid of the dumpster up and slamming it into the wall above it. “Where we’re going, we don’t need [temperature regulation]!”

As he threw himself over the side, Kibitzer followed and landed on the ground with similar grace. They stood up and wrapped the blanket tightly around themself, shivering more aggressively.

“D.. do you want in here too?” they asked.

“You don’t need to worry your [small head] about that,” he assured them, patting their head for a moment.

He started walking, Kibitzer scurrying after him and muttering, “You say that, but….”

The two of them took another left turn at the corner of the alleyway and popped out on the other side of the highway. It only took Kibitzer a couple swivels of their head to realize where they were: on the same block, the other entrance visible across the road. Next to them on this side was a set of traffic buttons attached to a metal pole. Though, predictably, the view of the buildings around them hadn’t changed much at all. Kibitzer felt Spamton’s fingers curl around their palm, which they quickly reciprocated as they turned back towards him.

They both then turned away from the road and continued onward towards the mansion. In front of them, all they could really see at first was a dark blue sky, twinkling with stars and completely surrounding a slim blue pathway, as if they were walking into a void. The two walked over a small step that took them onto the bridge, where they spotted tall columns that came up even above the deck they were walking across. The columns sported trusses crossing over each other for further support and seemed to be holding up more pathways that could be reached via one of the ladders attached.

“Wow…” Kibitzer murmured.

Spamton looked at them, then turned his head up to stare off towards the end of the bridge. “We’re on the [home office line] now.”

As they walked, Kibitzer leaned back a little. They suddenly held their hands around their mouth and yelled, “Thank-

GOD!!”

Spamton jumped, turning and staring at them with actual surprise. Kibitzer saw this and laughed, which prompted him to relax into a snicker of his own… until he paused for a moment, seeming to lock up as he faced forward on the bridge.

Then—BOFF!

Bursting out of his mouth was a tiny version of himself that fluttered in front of him on little angel wings.

“[HEAVEN], HERE WE COME!” it squealed, before glitching harshly and then disappearing entirely.

Kibitzer stared at him, a big grin spreading over their face. “They can talk too!?”

“If they have enough [sauce]!” Spamton replied, holding his chest for a moment and then coughing again. This time, broken blue shells flew out onto the ground, stained with blood.

“A-ah—!” Kibitzer stared at the mess, momentarily shocked, before their lips twitched into a smile anyway. “Th-that’s still so weird! I love it!”

Spamton looked at them, one eyebrow tilted questioningly as he smiled towards them. “My [abdominal region] is [cracking].”

Kibitzer turned away, their eyes lidding as they stared off to the side with a stiff little smile. “Right… uh.. you okay? The.. blood—”

As expected, Spamton waved his arms dismissively. “I’m [good reviews 20XX!]”

“You sure?” they asked, glancing back towards him as he wiped his mouth. If his black sleeve got stained, it was hard to tell, but they could still see the blotches of red on the white undershirt peeking past his suit top. “I mean….” They paused, chuckling sheepishly. “I guess my little first aid kit can’t do shit about that..”

“Yeah! Don’t [breathe] about it!!” Spamton laughed, his own big smile returning.

Kibitzer slowly twirled their head around to look forward, and then let it loll to the side a little. “Eheh..”

They both fell silent after that. Kibitzer caught sight of light blue objects floating up past the bridge from somewhere far below. Shaped like angular puff balls and each wearing a little smiley face and two more lines as markings, they almost looked semi-transparent from where Kibitzer stood. The bridge seemed to cast them in shadow as they floated into the sky, only escaping the darkness once they were too far up to see clearly.

After a few more moments, they heard Spamton say, “I can’t wait to [frolic] at your [[Home Address]].”

Kibitzer turned to look at him, their face breaking into a smile. Even though he had already accepted their invitation to come see their home, it made them extra happy to hear that he was looking forward to it, and they expressed that joy a little more enthusiastically than they intended. “I can’t wait to show you!!” Their voice echoed off the sides of the bridge again as they held themself tight and hardened their voice to what could only be described as an excited growl through their clenched teeth. “And I can’t wait to be warm!”

⁵ Spamton neglected to respond as the two of them made it to the halfway point, and Kibitzer slowed nearly to a stop and leaned over the guardrails to their left.

The Queen’s Mansion was fully visible now, standing far away, down below and aside the end of the bridge, across a bright red path. It took the form of a big, blue woman’s face—her hair formed into five spikes and her smiling mouth wide open as the entrance. Right above her face was a simple black sign with red curly letters reading, “Queen.” Behind her was the rest of the mansion. Tons of black towers with pointed roofs clustered together and parted in the middle, tilting a significant amount to make the fountain perfectly visible as it rocketed into the sky. The entire thing was surrounded by a bright glowing green river that cast the mansion in an eerie light.

As the two of them continued to walk, they came across a tall, dark wall of barely-distinguishable doors, which served to block the view of the mansion for the moment. They really were close now, mere steps from the beginning of the red path. Kibitzer smiled and picked up the pace, if just a little, and soon the two friends were coming up to the other side of the wall.

Kibitzer opened their mouth to speak just as their eyes moved to look towards the mansion again. And then their breath caught in their throat and nearly choked them as they threw themself back behind the wall and put an arm out in front of Spamton.

“Stop!” they hissed under their breath. “The human is here.”

Spamton stopped, only slightly turning his head to look at them, his glasses hiding his eyes and making his expression hard to read. He stayed quiet, even making an effort to close his mouth as much as he could without straining himself, which basically amounted to him holding his teeth shut really hard.

Not two more seconds passed before both of them were shuffling up against the wall and slowly peeking around it. A good seven feet away, at the beginning of the red path, stood the blue human that had been traveling with Noelle. They seemed to be alone this time around. The human stepped up to the edge of a familiar glowing pool, clearly much smaller than the moat down by the mansion. The surface bubbled up like sparkling water, and Spamton shuddered, lightly putting a hand on Kibitzer’s arm as he shrank back a little bit.

“[burning acid],” he whispered.

Kibitzer briefly glanced at him, before looking back and scanning the area. “She’s not there…” they said.

“That [hochi mama] was too soft,” Spamton said, his inserted phrase clashing with the rest of the quieter words like someone playing a recording at full volume, getting Kibitzer to wince. “Should have known my [exclusive customer] would scare her off eventually.”

Kibitzer turned their head in several directions, trying to check the area more thoroughly. “So you don’t think she’s nearby…?”

Spamton glanced around for as well, though not nearly as frantically. “I can only [smell] the human soul….”

“Mmh….”

Kibitzer and Spamton fell silent again and watched as the human slowly turned towards the acid pool. They then tilted their head back and barely smiled, their hair covering their eyes and giving them a somewhat mischievous look—before they raised their hand above their head… and shoved it into their chest, letting out a horrid screech of pain.

⁶ Kibitzer quickly threw their hands over their mouth to hide a gasp. “Wh—!!”

The human’s hand, somehow passed through their chest piece as if it weren’t there, came back out gripping a bright red object that pulsed with malice. It was like a heart, but not a real heart. It was the cartoon symbol for love, like what Kibitzer and Lancer used to scribble on cards for their parents, and there wasn’t a drop of blood to be seen. For a few moments, the human stood still, their body shaking as they held the horrible thing in place.

“Whoa!!” Spamton said in a harsh whisper.

Slowly, several very thin red strings became visible, connecting to the heart and reaching high into the sky before seeming to fade away at a certain distance, as if held up by something invisible. The human’s body slumped a little as they began shambling towards the acid pool. Their movements were very slow, but they didn’t hesitate. Almost as if the world weighed them down, they held out the hand gripping the heart at a crawling pace, and then tossed the glowing menace over the pool.

Kibitzer and Spamton watched with bated breath, expecting the sickly green glow to envelope the heart’s red, but before the object could get close enough, it seemed to lightly bounce off of… something. As if too short to let it fall down that far, the strings tugged it back towards the human and left it floating lazily in the air.

The human coughed out a frustrated grunt and snatched the heart out of the air, before swinging their arm harder and throwing it again. However, they yielded the same result.

“Holy [[You’ll Never Believe What They Did Next!]], they’re trying to [end task]!” Spamton hissed.

“Wha—what is that?” Kibitzer murmured.

“Their [HeartShapedObject]. The very culmination of their being.” Spamton turned and poked Kibitzer’s chest. “I’d [bet my life] that your [specil eyes] comes from yours.” He turned to peek around the corner again. “But… I’ve never seen one like that before. I knew that [[Little Sponge]] was [something else].” There was an almost teasing quality to his voice, as if he was celebrating a discovery with himself.

“That’s what I sensed!” Kibitzer said. “When we fought. It’s so… blood-thirsty.” They watched the human flail with their soul and fail to throw it away. They were clearly frustrated, but it was nothing like what Kibitzer had felt from them before. That imposing malevolence… that burning red. “But they’re not….” Kibitzer pointed a finger towards the human. “They’re like… hidden? I don’t know if they’re… the same as… that.” They glanced at the red soul as they finished their statement.

Spamton shrugged. “Eh, that’s just a Lightner [gimmick].”

Kibitzer paused to give it a bit of thought. “Well, no, ‘cause… Noelle had a powerful soul too, but it wasn’t separate from her. This red one is… like….” They watched as the human got down on their knees and actually tried to hold the soul into the acid, gripping it tight and pushing it down. But no matter how much they strained themself, the invisible barrier was still there, preventing them from getting the soul closer than six inches above the acid. “M-maybe their enemy?”

“Oh, it is, alright. Eheheheheh..”

Finally, the human let out a huff and slumped over in defeat. The soul lingered in the air, unharmed. They stayed there for about a minute, before finally grabbing the soul again, this time jabbing it back into their chest with a pained grunt. After a couple more moments, they got to their feet, seemingly abandoning all frustration, and turned their head up to look at the mansion. They remained there, standing up straight and gazing out into the distance, like an empty shell that hadn’t received any commands. They really were strange—only ever speaking when they were commanding Noelle, moving like they were being weighed down by shackles, and now trying to get rid of their own soul.

The two Darkners continued to watch them in silence, perhaps anticipating their next move or simply waiting for them to go somewhere else so the two could finally make their way to the mansion. The human almost seemed to stop functioning, standing perfectly still and continuing to stare towards the mansion for several full minutes. It was during this time that a particular thought began to take form in Kibitzer’s mind, returning no matter how many times they tried to ignore it.

“Maybe we should push them.”

Spamton’s head snapped to face Kibitzer, his eyes wide behind his pink-and-yellow glasses, and his mouth slowly falling open. When Kibitzer noticed his exaggerated look of surprise, they began to curl in on themself, realizing how their statement made them sound.

“Ahba-da.. I don—I don’t—I, I don’t just kill people I don’t like! This is just an extreme situation, you know what I mean??” they stammered. “They’re—they’ve.. killed so many people. That’s the only…! Reason….” They began to tire as they utterly tripped over their words, but then something else caught their attention, like a hand grabbing onto their heart and squeezing.

Their hair stood up as they felt a very familiar ominous pull. Having gone still for a couple moments, they finally turned their head to look back at where the human had been standing, and indeed they were still there: standing in the same position, slightly leaned over the acid pool, but now staring right at them with one eye glowing red behind their hair.

Kibitzer’s eyes went wide, their fear spreading over the rest of their body as the human’s red malice pulsed in their direction. “Shit…!”

Spamton jumped, finally tensing up as he noticed the human’s eerie glare. “Um—d-don’t worry, Kibitzer. I’ll [put in a good word] for you!” he stammered.

⁷ The human’s body finally turned to face Kibitzer, and began to walk towards them, silent and glaring at them—only at them. Spamton wasn’t in the frame.

Kibitzer stared back at them, meeting their piercing gaze and feeling their own jaw tense as the human got closer. Kibitzer widened their stance, lowering their head and holding their hands out at their sides. Their fingers spread out and curled inward like claws.

Spamton took a step back. “Or—on second thought, maybe we should just [dip your head in!]”

Kibitzer maintained their defensive stance and focused, pouring energy into their magic to create lots and lots of tiny white lights. The bullets bunched together into one big cluster that buzzed and curled around them from behind like a protective swarm of flies. Kibitzer’s eyes tightened into a glare as they made a point to bare their sharp teeth. “Warning you right now, human. Ignore us and get on with yourself!”

The blue Lightner broke into a run, drawing their sword and holding it in a dragging position to let the momentum help them swing it when the time came. Silent as always, eyes glowing red with murderous intent.

Kibitzer was already preparing to stand their ground when Spamton stepped up next to them, jittering and waving his hands.

“Hey, hey, wait, [[Hold Please]]! There’s been a [mix-up], Lightner,” he called out.

Kibitzer’s eyes darted to him. “Spamt—! What are you—!?”

“This [itty bitty] is [not for sale]!” he continued.

But the human was only speeding up at this point, undeterred by the words of their supposed business partner, and Kibitzer’s legs moved without their input. They rushed forward, putting themself in front of Spamton and meeting the Lightner’s blade with a dense cluster of bullets that burst outward on impact with a loud ‘KHHING!’ and knocked the human back.

They stumbled, still gripping the hilt of their sword, before charging forward again as soon as they regained their balance. With no time to think or dodge, Kibitzer blocked them with the same compressed magic, blowing white particles everywhere and leaving them with a thinner cluster of bullets to work with.

“Hey!” Spamton shouted, but remained ignored as the human charged a third time.

They propelled themself faster than any of their previous attempts and swung at Kibitzer’s legs, once again giving them no time to do anything but block with their magic bullets. The Lightner picked up speed, pushing their boots into the ground to keep from being knocked back as far and then immediately lunging again. They were relentless, barely even aiming for Kibitzer at this point and just swinging their sword as soon as they moved forward again. But Kibitzer blocked every hit, destroying more and more of their prepared bullets in the process.

All the while, Spamton was stammering behind Kibitzer. “Ah! Ahhh w—wait, wait, stop! Don’t make me [turn this car around]!”

Kibitzer began to focus some of their energy on making more bullets to replace the ones they had used up, but at the nonstop pace the Lightner was going, they couldn’t replace them in time, and soon they finally ran so low that they had no choice but to just throw themself back and hope the sword missed them.

The human charged them again, but this time seemed to be heading a little to their left, right where Spamton was frantically shouting at them both.

“No—” Kibitzer started to say before their feet were kicked out from under them and they crashed to the ground onto their back.

Just as they opened their eyes, they saw the pink sword poised above them with the sharp end aiming straight down.

“HEY!!”

Suddenly, the human was shoved harshly, throwing them off balance and getting them to stumble several steps away.

“LIGHT neR, I T0Ld [you] NO!!!” Spamton continued, standing with his fists at his sides, visibly shaking and staring at the human with wide eyes.

They stood there, their only movement being to straighten themself after stumbling. After a moment, Kibitzer could see their eyes glowing red through their bangs, filled with murderous intent that seemed to flare out.

Spamton was now in the frame.

Kibitzer began to stumble to their feet, opening their mouth and breathing out, “W.. wait… wait!”

Spamton’s posture weakened, and he took a step back. “Eheheh…! Now that we’re [breathing] again, I—” he rambled, starting to raise his hands up placatingly when the edge of the Lightner’s shield slammed into the right side of his head, cutting him off and sending him collapsing to the ground. He slowly reached up to the side of his head, very loosely touching the wound. “Aaa[a]gh…!”

“Stay,” came the monotone voice of the human, before they began to turn back towards Kibitzer—only to be tackled right off their feet, losing their grip on their sword as they flew back. The sword clattered to the ground as Kibitzer wrestled with the human and very quickly got one of their legs pinned under their knee and their hands around their wrists.

They swung one of the human’s arms aside and then socked them right across the cheek with their now-free hand. “Ghh—we tried-” They smacked the human’s returning hand away with both of their own and then punched them again, hitting them in the eye. “-to leave you-” The human swung wildly, brushing Kibitzer’s face as they leaned back to avoid the flailing and then went back in, grabbing a handful of the other’s blue hair and pulling, throwing another punch that knocked blood from their nose. “-alone, but you—! Wouldn’t—! Gahh!” Finally, the human landed a solid punch to Kibitzer’s face, snapping their head to the right and getting them to close their eyes for a couple moments. Their cheek stung, their mouth aching as if their teeth had been pushed too hard against their cheek and probably cut them. But their adrenaline was high at this point, and they quickly turned back down to the human and dug past their fighting hands to grip the neck. “You’re just… weak! Weak and stupid, and you’re nothing without her, are you!?” They raised one hand, balling it into a fist, about to punch them for the fourth time when they felt an indescribable pain explode out from their lower right side.

There was only a second’s delay before Kibitzer’s mouth opened wide in a choked scream of pain, during which the Lightner shoved them and knocked them over, quickly climbing on top of them and rearing a bloody kitchen knife back in their grip.

Kibitzer sucked in a sharp breath and shook their glasses off their face, staring at their attacker with glowing eyes. The human’s actions ceased, their arm frozen in place, arm lifted high up and pointing the knife down, their eyes wide and full of shock. For a few moments, Kibitzer was safe, but soon their eyes filled with tears from the searing pain, blurring their vision too much for them to maintain focus on the Lightner, and their spell broke, almost feeling like a small punch to the chest as their magic failed them.

The knife moved down again and Kibitzer braced themself. But just as soon as the human resumed their attack, they were conked in the back of the head with a plank of wood, forcing a quiet grunt past their lips as they froze up… and then went limp, collapsing unceremoniously to the ground and dropping the knife.

Spamton tossed the wood plank aside and rushed over, pushing the unconscious Lightner off Kibitzer’s legs and then kneeling at their side. “KKhh.. [khh]IB! K1bitzer! Talk to me!”

Kibitzer was already starting to breathe deeply, but now that the human was knocked out and their mind perceived enough safety to rest, they felt the intense pain in their side flaring up again. Kibitzer choked on a sob as it quickly became overwhelming. “It hurts! It hu-urts!”

Spamton turned his head back to look at the defeated human, and after a moment, his expression contorted into an angry glare. Even his mouth, which tended to be limited to Grinning or Not Grinning, seemed pulled down into a deeper frown than usual. He turned back to Kibitzer and scooped his hands under them, one holding their back and the other slipping under their knees.

Being lifted off the ground pulled a sudden cry from Kibitzer as they instinctively tensed up and aggravated the wound in their side. Their breaths became rapid little gasps, their voice going high-pitched with any attempt to speak. “Are….” They stopped, shuddering as they felt it—felt blood oozing out of the wound and soaking into their hoodie. “Are y-you… okay?” They started to reach up towards his head. “Y-you’re bleeding…!” Their words came out strained and quick, as if they feared trying to break up their sentences into multiple breaths.

“[Knock knock] it off, Kibitzer,” Spamton said, eyes briefly going down to the growing blood stain on their hoodie. “[[Hold The Phone!]]”

“H-huh…?” they sighed out, still watching his face.

“H0ld it IN.”

He tapped his hand on their side, above the bloodstain.

“O-oh!” They glanced down at themself and lifted their left hand. With a moment’s delay, they sucked in a deep breath and pressed their full palm against their side. “Ghh-aaAAgGH!” They were full-on gasping now, shutting their eyes tight—anything to dim the pain. “HHhaa…! NNnnhh…!”

Spamton held them a little closer, firming his grip on them. He stole one more hateful look towards the Lightner and then turned to look across the bridge from where they had come. He took one careful step, and then another, and after a couple more, he was walking steadily.

Kibitzer’s breathing quieted back down after a little bit, but with every slight movement, they found themself gasping once again. “A-are you sure… you’re okay?” they breathed out, before clenching their teeth and groaning in pain.

“Kib?” Spamton asked, his tone fretful as he tilted his head down to look at them with equally worried eyes. The two of them exchanged stares for a few moments, and then Spamton’s slowly shifted into another glare, his eye twitching and his jaw tightening in clear frustration. “I can’t believe that [backup file]! I should charge them [[2 For The Price Of 1!]] for ignoring the [fine print]. Damn it!”

Kibitzer tilted their head, leaning it against his chest. “W.. what, you didn’t expect them to at—tack me?” They let out a broken chuckle that gave way to more little gasps.

“This isn’t a [laugh track]! They—ggrrrgh, they finished the [deal]! This was just [free value]! They d0n’t even HaVE the [[Stuff]]!!” Spamton ranted, shaking as he worked himself up.

Kibitzer bit their lip, groaning in pain as they looked up at him and tried to take in what he was saying. His words seemed to hit their mind like rain on a window, failing to really sink past the fog and dizziness. “S..tuff…?” they murmured. After a little more effort, they rolled their eyes and rested their head against him, giving up on such endeavors for now.

Their mind drifted back to when Spamton had initially shown that anger, shoving the Lightner away from them and putting himself between the two of them. There was that one moment just before he was hit, where he had started to lose his confidence and step back, but it was all the same: Spamton had been thinking about Kibitzer during that entire fight. And even now, as the side of his head bled down his face, he didn’t even acknowledge it—didn’t make any effort to avoid aggravating it, because he just had to rant about the human’s audacity to attack them.

“G0D—!” He stumbled slightly, pausing in the middle of the bridge and turning his head towards one of the columns to his right, glaring daggers towards it and growling.

Kibitzer knew what he had wanted to do. Thankfully, he couldn’t while he was holding them up. “Spamton, it’s fi-ine…” they murmured.

His legs wobbled for a moment, and Kibitzer heard swirling groans from his stomach.

They tensed up, shutting their eyes before quickly forcing one of them back open and looking up at him. “Shit—ghh…! Are you gonna—?”

“KHHAK!” was the terrible, wet sound he made as he coughed up a round, blue object right onto their chest—slick with blood and… actually in one piece this time. There was no tiny creature. But that didn’t make it any less startling.

“Ghhahh!! Shit!” Kibitzer gasped, for once feeling enough of a different emotion to momentarily ignore the pain in their side. Their face stretched into one of shock and aversion as they tried to lift their head higher up and stared at the egg they had received.

The egg rolled to the side slightly, but was caught gently by a fold in their hoodie and nestled into the crook of their arm.

Spamton coughed again, this time turning his head away from them slightly and rubbing his face into his shoulder. “That’s [4 u],” he said, his voice somewhat strained as he caught his breath.

Kibitzer, slowly coming down from their initial fear of getting covered in whatever combination of shells and blood that seemed to reside in his stomach, let out their breath in a huff and plopped their head back against his chest. They laughed brokenly. “Y—you’re the be-est, ehehh..eh!”

Spamton’s legs finally moved again, and faster this time. It was hard to deny how sturdy he was despite how much Kibitzer wished he wouldn’t neglect his injuries so much. But for now he had the right idea. Getting back to shelter was a priority, and unfortunately that meant the two of them had to push through the pain a little longer.

Kibitzer allowed themself to relax as Spamton carried them the rest of the way across the bridge.

Nothing had changed about their surroundings. It was still cold. The air was still lightly tinted with fog, giving the city an oddly bright and pale look. The strange angular balloons still failed to catch light as they drifted upward from somewhere. Everything was the same, and yet, somehow, Kibitzer’s mind saw a different world—one that had finally been smothered in a blanket of resignation. In truth, it was they that felt such a murky veil of reality over them, weighing on their conscious as they felt themself lose blood and looked at the strained face of their friend. This was Cyber City to them. This was a place inhabited and controlled by something that saw them only as a threat—an obstacle to be eliminated, even if it meant going back on the deal that had been made to get that power.

Cyber City could keep that shitty presence for all they cared. It had already taken enough from Spamton, the only person making them feel safe and hopeful here. The rest of its citizens—whoever they were, however generous they may be—were already gone. This place was a husk of what might have once been a lovely home, but it had never been such a thing to Kibitzer.

“We’re almost…” they murmured softly. “We’re so close. Right?”

“Nhh… you’d better bel1eve it!” Spamton replied from above them. “So close I can [suck] it!”

Kibitzer couldn’t keep from snickering even though it caused them more pain. “What’d I tell you about your phrasing?” they breathed out with a soft smile, letting their eyes close.

“You [[Like & Subscribe]], so I’m not gonna stop!” he retorted.

They huffed softly, maintaining their smile. “F.. fair.”

With their eyelids resting and the pain staying at a… barely tolerable heavy throb, Kibitzer finally felt some level of peace. But just as they were starting to give in to their fatigue, they felt a disturbance in their balance as Spamton wobbled forward, his knees bent and his steps slower than before. “W-whh…! Khh—!” Their eyes opened again and their wound flared up as they tensed their muscles in alarm. Spamton stopped walking at that moment, just holding them up and tightening his grip on them. Kibitzer could tell he was close to his limit. “H-here.. put me down.”

Spamton hesitated, looking down at them again, and after several seconds, finally tilted their legs towards the ground. Perhaps he wanted to keep carrying them, but Kibitzer could only assume his exhaustion made it easier to do as they asked. Still, as their feet met the ground and they were faced with holding their own weight again, the pain in their side became much more intense, enough to drive a sob out of their throat once again as they collapsed onto their knees with barely enough restraint to keep from landing too hard. The blue egg tumbled to the ground, landing softly and remaining surprisingly intact.

Spamton immediately bent down and held his hands out, his fingers curling like they wanted to hold them again, but he left them hovering in front of him. “Kib…” he said in a voice so quiet that Kibitzer almost missed it.

Kibitzer took deep breaths, their jaw tightening and their lip quivering. Slowly, they turned their head to look back at him. “I.. it’s okay…” they wheezed out. “Y-you… can’t carry me the whole way….”

“You neED [carry-on luggage]!” he began to protest.

As he reached for them, they put a hand out and gently held his shaking hands. “W-wait….” They glanced down briefly, noticing the egg, before pushing their hand against the ground and sitting up. Clenching their teeth, they let out several heavy breaths, each one a fuller expression of their pain than the last, until they finally managed to stand on their feet. “I can make it….”

Spamton’s glasses went black, his hands slowly moving down to his sides again. For a few moments, he didn’t move, but then subtly turned his gaze to the ground—to the egg at Kibitzer’s feet. After another moment of hesitation, he bent over and picked it up, holding it up in front of his face and… seeming to stare at it. His expression blank as ever, he leaned forward and gently pushed the egg into one of Kibitzer’s hands. “Don’t [recycle bin] yet. The [pipis] will [[Patch 2.1]].”

Whenever the color returned to his glasses, Kibitzer hadn’t seen. They just looked down at the blue egg, about the size of a lemon and fitting almost perfectly in their palm. “Mmh…?” They held onto it without reluctance. It was still warm. “Whad’ya mean?” They coughed, and forced themself to step forward, looking onward towards the alleyway where they knew the two of them could finally take some kind of shelter.

Spamton tugged their left arm for a moment, giving them a chance to get a good grip on the pipis egg in their right hand before draping their arm over his shoulders. “It’s [healing item] [[For 50% Off]].” Somehow, he was managing to sound relatively calm even with those ads interrupting his speech as usual.

Kibitzer’s eyes widened ever so slightly as they looked back down to the egg. “L-like… actually?”

“Ssshhh…” Spamton whispered, brushing his fingers over their cheek in a manner they could only assume he had seen depicted as soothing one time on TV, and never in real life. “Just [queue] until we get back to [[One Man’s Trash]]!”

Kibitzer paused for a moment. “Tch….” They slowly turned their head back towards the alleyway entrance, and began to walk.

Spamton made sure he was carrying at least a little of their weight, which Kibitzer couldn’t effectively reject in their wounded state. But with the both of them holding onto and guiding the other—albeit clumsily—they made it back to the dumpster.

Climbing inside was a journey in itself, for Kibitzer especially, but by the time Spamton was done helping them lower themself inside without just crashing into a heap on the floor, he was the one collapsing against the dirty pillow and tilting his head lifelessly to the side. His breaths had grown heavy, and Kibitzer had to assume that his head was spinning at this point. But they were struggling to catch their breath too, as they leaned against the wall and slowly looked down at themself—their blood-soaked hoodie and the blue egg held carefully in their hand. They glanced further down, at the first aid kit clipped to their pants, and finally started reaching for it.

After some struggling with only one hand free, they got it unclipped and it clattered against the floor. “Gh….” Turning back to their wound, they scrunched up their face a little, more than a little reluctant to even look at the wound, let alone clean it. But they reached down anyway and started to tug the right side of their hoodie up. The chilled air bit at their bare skin as they took their undershirt with them.

“Hh-h… [hey],” Spamton stammered weakly. “Take your [pills].”

Despite his drained tone, he started to sit back up, shuffling closer to them and reaching for the pipis egg in their hand.

“D….” They barely even spoke. The half-formed little warning that Spamton wasn’t even going to follow wasn’t worth the pain.

So they relaxed, letting go of their hoodie and relinquishing the pipis egg to him. As he grabbed it from them, he continued his movement straight into a crawl, making his way across the floor of the dumpster to the corner behind them.

“Hh…?” They turned their head, wincing when they still ended up turning their torso a little in their attempt to watch him.

A few seconds passed of clanging and rustling as Spamton presumably tossed aside some trash bags. Kibitzer relaxed slightly, accepting that they didn’t want to exert enough effort to get an idea of what he was doing. That was, until they heard the sudden FWOOOOOSSSHH and immediately sat straight up.

“AH—! Ahhh—what’s tha-AT!?” they stammered, choking out a pained cry as they shuffled their legs and forced themself to turn around.

The sound continued, loud and invasive in the small space. As Kibitzer twisted themself around with the grace of a newborn horse, they saw the bright blue and orange light, flickering in intensity and shooting out of a little metal container. Spamton was holding the pipis up in his other hand and holding the light against it.

“W.. what the…! Z’that fire??” they wheezed out, watching with wide eyes.

Spamton didn’t respond, continuing to hold the flame up against the pipis shell for another few seconds, before releasing the trigger on the metal gadget and tossing it aside like it wasn’t potentially deadly. He whirled around and held up his hand, presenting a scorched blue egg. “Da da-da da! [fried] pipis!” he declared with a proud smile.

Kibitzer stared at the egg, which only appeared to be cooked on one side, where the shell had turned a dull brown and then blackened in the middle. “Um…?”

He only paused for one moment, before gently placing the pipis in their lap with the kind of smile one would expect a cat to have after presenting a dead animal. “[Drink up!]”

⁸ Kibitzer moved their stare to him. They half-expected him to laugh and say he was joking, but… he didn’t, and they glanced back down at the egg. “A-ah—I….” They began to shift, their brows creasing as quiet barely-even-words escaped their throat. “That’s not… What?”

Spamton let out a quick, deliberately audible sigh, almost as if he were roleplaying. “Kibitzer, there’s no need to be [once bitten, twice shy]! This is [[Doctor’s Hate Him! One weird trick for]] [filling holes]!”

“I-it’s an egg!” Kibitzer said, as if that fact alone counted as a reason for their protests. “W-wouldn’t that be…? I mean… you know! You don’t—! That’s like eating a dead baby!”

Spamton let his mouth hang agape in a most nonchalant fashion. “NO!” he said in a high-pitched tone of sheer denial. “Kibitz3r, there’s not Hing to worry about!”

“Ghh—!?” They made their eyes extra wide, their eyebrows even more furrowed—hoping to get the point across. “But—!”

Spamton shifted across the floor, his leg brushing against theirs as he reached over their lap and picked up the egg. Without warning, he held it right up to their mouth, causing Kibitzer to lean back suddenly and driving a pained grunt out of them as they strained their wound.

“Come on, hurry!” Spamton urged. “You need to [glue] your [[Insult To Injury]] up!”

Kibitzer turned their face away, their mind reeling as he pushed them harder. “O-oh god.. But…!”

“Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it—!” he chanted quickly under his breath, holding the egg so close to their face that it was almost touching their lips. “It’ll make you better!”

Finally showing some level of annoyance, Kibitzer put their hand over his, cupping the egg and pushing his fist back away from their face. “W-well—do you eat these??”

“[Y] es!” he insisted. “Just eat it fast and you won’t even taste the [Guts]!”

“Guts??” Kibitzer squinted at him. “So it is fertilized!?”

Spamton leaned against them as if his body were tired, and he whined in their face, “Ki - bit - Zerrr! I made this for you!”

“Well I’m not gonna eat it!” they blurted out, their eyes still very judgemental.

There was a brief pause where Spamton didn’t move for a second. “Rrrhr…!” Suddenly, he reached around them and smacked his hand over their blood-soaked side, earning an agonized shriek that was quickly muffled as he shoved the entire egg into their mouth. There was another second—exactly one—where Kibitzer froze and went silent. Then Spamton pushed his hand over their mouth, blocking their path to immediately spit the egg out. “[B]LEASE, Kibitzer! The [sticky strips] aren’t going to be enough! This is our only source of [I need healing!] Just trust me! I don’t want you to [[Die]]!”

Kibitzer’s eyes flashed with uncertainty as he pleaded with them. Tears flowed down their face, driven out by the sudden flare in their side. There wasn’t a single part of them that thought this egg would be anything resembling food, but Spamton’s desperate insistence and the sincerity in his eyes reminded them of those times he had barely-restrained himself while getting worked up at them—restraint that he was no longer showing because he just cared that much.

The friendship tea had been good. But the taste didn’t matter, Kibitzer figured. If a drink had healed them before, surely this could. And Spamton had just said he’d eaten them before. He wasn’t doing this just to torment them. He was genuinely grasping at options to heal them. They knew that. Still, it took a lot to make themself bite down on the egg, crunching it between their jaws and causing it to burst into half-cooked pulp and runny yolk—and blood. There was definitely the metallic taste of blood. “MmMMMhHH—!” Their taste buds rejected it wholeheartedly, the horrid texture and the taste that made them picture some kind of barely-developed tadpole, and it made their skin crawl.

But despite their intense reaction, Spamton held his hand firmly against their face, even going so far as to move his other hand up to hold the back of their head so they couldn’t easily pull away. “EAT IT.”

Kibitzer whimpered, but they held onto the hope that this would really be worth it—that it would actually close their wound and make the pain go away—and made an attempt anyway, chewing up what they could before the sheer amount of juices became too much and inevitably leaked out of their mouth, squeezing past Spamton’s hand and dribbling down his arm and into their lap. After some more difficulty maneuvering the dubious food in their mouth, they managed to swallow a good chunk of it, and the terrible feeling of slimy yolk and chunks of—something, going down their throat, sent them into a full-on yuck fit. Their hair stood on end as they stiffened their back and gagged against his hand.

When Spamton finally let them go, they could only hold their mouth open and hang their tongue out in disgust, coughing and letting the leftover fluids drool out. Spamton watched them, silent and looking almost deflated, as if he could pass out if he lay down.

Kibitzer slowly opened their eyes, which they had squeezed shut ever since closing their jaws, and they squinted towards him. A few moments passed as they caught their breath, but their glare didn’t soften. Then they drove their fist into his face, clocking him right in the nose.

“Gh-AOW!”

“You ever do that again, I’m gonna ki-Ick your a-ASS!” they snapped, their voice hitching as they gagged again. “Ugh!”

Spamton was holding his nose with both hands and massaging his fingers against it as he groaned quietly with his head hanging low. “Fine, fine…” he wheezed, following the statement with more groans.

“Go-od, that’s… disgusting!” Kibitzer shook their head and spat out more blood.

While Spamton continued to nurse his aching nose, he was treated to a mixture of quiet groans and retches from Kibitzer next to him. His own little bundle of sounds were equally quiet, peppering the air with wheezes and grunts.

Kibitzer’s hand came up to hover over their mouth as they slumped forward. “Can’t believe you can stomach that….” Finally, they tossed themself back against the wall with a huff, their face still scrunched up as they wiped their mouth with the back of their hand.

“You get [[Useful Tips For Healthy Eating]] to it..” Spamton muttered, finally lowering his hands from his face.

Kibitzer glanced at him, their eyes bugging out a little as they insisted on staring without moving their head. Their eyes fell on the sticky gash on the side of his head. Between the pain from their stab wound and the prior incident, they had completely neglected his possible need for medical attention. “Heh… maybe.. you should eat one too.”

Spamton slowly looked at them, remaining silent for a few moments. Then, as he looked down at his own hands, he opened his mouth wide and started dry-heaving.

“Nn—!” Kibitzer suddenly sat up. “I was just kidding! You don’t have to, I mean…!”

To their relief, Spamton did stop. He looked up, staring at them almost as if waiting for something. Kibitzer stared back, initially at a loss for words. Suddenly, they felt put on the spot. There was a clear tension lingering between them now, and it didn’t appear like Spamton had any idea how he wanted to move forward.

⁹ Kibitzer finally turned their head to the side, their brows furrowing as they avoided his gaze. They curled their arms up to hold themself, instinctively pressing both hands to their sides. Their eyes widened slightly. The pain—the instant agony from even slight movement—seemed to be dulled.

Turning a little to their right, they pulled the bottom of their hoodie up and looked. Their skin was parted open, still exposing a rather deep cut. It was no longer bleeding, but the blood that had already spilled was still there. They could see more clearly now, where the cut ended, just an inch or so past their skin. They hesitantly shifted their body, expecting a sharp pain, but instead they felt an ache. They jerked their body a little bit, and still was only met with a strong ache. “Gah…! Ooh..” The edges of the cut were dry, making their movements feel like they were pulling on their skin. But it was clear as day: their stab wound had healed significantly.

They raised their head and looked at Spamton, still quiet as he almost seemed to wait for them to change the topic for them both.

Shivering and pulling their hoodie back over their exposed wound, they then reached over and scooted the first aid kit across the floor in front of them. They slid closer to him as they opened it up. “How’s your head?”

He looked at them, his hand slowly moving up to the side of his head. His fingers lightly touched the bloody gash, and Kibitzer didn’t pick up on any sign of pain from him. “It’s [absent].”

Kibitzer frowned softly as they pulled out a cloth and the bottle of alcohol, wetting the cloth and then holding it up in front of him. “Mind if I help…?”

Spamton nodded. “Knock [me] out.”

A very slight chuckle escaped Kibitzer’s throat as they moved the cloth up and gently rubbed it against his head wound. Not wanting to be too rough by scrubbing him, they opted to gently brush the same spot over and over, staining the cloth red. “Jeez… shoulda done this earlier. It’s all sticky now.”

Spamton remained quiet, sitting patiently and expressing no pain as they cleaned more blood out of his hair. The long stretch of silence left Kibitzer alone with their thoughts, and a lump of guilt squirmed in their stomach and made its way up their throat.

“Mh… sorry for hitting you…” they murmured.

Spamton glanced at them with just his eyes, keeping his head still for them to work on his injury. “I [shot] first.”

“Yeah, well….” They sighed softly and met his eyes with their own, slightly lidded and gentle. “We’re still good… right?”

Spamton broke into a smile. “Oh, Kibi. I would never [unpair] you over that!” he declared cheerfully.

“Hhm… well I won’t do it again anyway.” They looked down, their movements slowing.

As if sensing their weariness, Spamton turned his head to look at them, interrupting their cleaning as they lost reach of his wound. “Awww, Kibitzer. You’re such a [doughnut]. Go ahead, [[ ♪ Take An Eye For An Eye! ♫ ]]” He sang his bracketed phrase in a deep tenor that wasn’t his own.

Kibitzer chuckled, rolling their eyes, and then gently turned his head back around. They maintained a tiny smile as they resumed wiping the blood off him. “Really, though. You’re okay, right? I’m surprised they didn’t go all the way to your skull with that shield!”

“Bahhh… nothin’ a little [hibernation] can’t handle.” Kibitzer could tell Spamton was grinning as he talked. “That little [blueberry] didn’t get any of the [sWeet d3aL$] that the [a female deer] did. Now that she’s out of the picture, they’re [flailing] in the [dark]. What a sucker!”

Kibitzer hummed, recalling their brief encounter with the Lightners way back before they had started this journey with Spamton. “Yeah. Last time, they just told her what to do. But since she wasn’t there this time, I guess they just… mmnm.” They shrugged.

“Shoulda bought my [[2 For 1 Specil]] eheheheh!” Spamton said.

Kibitzer paused. The Lightners had bought something—that ring. “What did they want that ring for anyway?”

Spamton didn’t hesitate. “Can’t make [frozen chicken] without [cold storage].”

Kibitzer stopped, staring at him with a very judgemental raise of their brow. “Uh… what?”

Spamton went still, presumably noticing their change in tone, and then he slowly turned his head to look at them again. His eyes were wide, staring directly at them over his glasses—or maybe he wasn’t exactly staring at them. “That [angel] never could have made her [ice] fountain without my [[Commemorative Ring]].”

¹⁰ Kibitzer blinked, otherwise still. They pictured, again, what happened before. All of it: Spamton mentioning the snow and the “great deal” that it foretold; knowingly going off to find the Lightners; blurting out that eerie voice to tell them how much more killing they had to do; The human ripping the ring off his finger; Spamton admitting later that he had known all along what would happen; the—

“‘Ice fountain?’” They went quiet again, already knowing the only thing he could be referring to. Their voice came out a quiet exhale, a distinct realization in their tone. “You’re talking about the explosion….” They slowly turned their head down, eyes widening. “You mean she couldn’t do that on her own? Sh-she wasn’t just training?” They looked back up, glaring at him. “Y… You gave her—! A-and you knew!”

Spamton held up his left hand, quieting them, and then completed the motion by dragging the tips of his fingers down over their face and lips. “Ssshhhhh…. It was all for the [[Free Market]].”

They quickly pushed his hand away, rejecting his attempt to move them along. “But…! Hh…! Y-you said—! Well, maybe you didn’t, but—but you.. s-said you knew they would do this! But you also… helped them!?”

Spamton grinned, his brows making his eyes glare. “It was perfect! Those two [protagonists] were just as evil as I hoped they would be! H-heEh, [[He]] wasn’t lying about that!”

“WHY!?” Kibitzer demanded, wearing a wide frown and furious eyes. “And why are you happy about it!?”

Spamton was still—quiet, his glasses slowly fading to black unlike the usual sudden shift Kibitzer had been witnessing. “I [t Old] you…” he said, his voice low.

Told them—when had he told them? Out on the road—that he had just wanted someone to take the ring away, because… because….

“To get rid of the voice…” Kibitzer asked, sounding breathless.

“You don’t know what it was like, Kibitzer,” he said. “I would have done anything….”

It was quiet again, as Spamton trailed off and Kibitzer processed his words—his circumstances. To knowingly let those Lightners have something that would unlock such power to destroy—knowing they would use it like that…. It was—! It was….

Desperate.

And yet, he had still put that goal at risk. To protect them. They knew now that he was desperate for their company—that he couldn’t bear the thought of being alone again. Were they special? Or were they just available?

Did it matter?

“Spamton…” they finally said.

“Yes?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Kibitzer lifted their head towards him. His glasses were still black. He was completely still, like a robot that had shut down. Even after their attempts to clean up his wound, his hair on the right side of his head was stuck in wet clumps and sticking out in all directions from where blood had burst forth from the cut he’d received, making the injury a lot more obvious even when some of the blood was cleaned off. He had already gotten rid of the incessant voice, but then he had put himself at risk to save them anyway. Whatever he was acting on—instinct, fondness, necessity…. He was still here.

Still, they wondered….

“Would you have killed me?”

Spamton jerked and gave them a crooked stare. “Ah—! I—?” He started rubbing the back of his head and smiling nervously. “Well, I’m not really much of a [hands-on learner], heheheh…!!”

Just like that, Kibitzer was back to glaring at him, their eyes wide and offended.

Seeing their anger, Spamton continued. “B-besides, that’s not a fair [search query]! Our [terms of service] weren’t clear yet!”

Kibitzer huffed. “So you wouldn’t have killed me, but you would have let me die.”

“N[O], I mean—that doeSn’t m4tter now, does it??”

Frowning and glancing down, Kibitzer hugged themself and leaned back against the wall. “A little…. I—we’re about to go in there and, maybe it’ll be more dangerous than we expect—”

“Please…!” he suddenly blurted out, his voice quieter than normal, but still very frantic as he sat up and stared at them. “Don’t do this! Don’t [th!Nk] about those things, it doesn’t matter! What’s important is that we’re on our way to [heaven] together!” Kibitzer continued staring at him, their expression almost daring him to try again. “I… I’ve been [waiting in line] for so long! For the [snow]! So HE would finally [take his business elsewhere]! You—!” His hands shot out to grab at their arms, but he restrained himself in time to avoid jostling them. His jaw was incredibly tense, and his eyes were slightly pushed up by his cheeks as his frown deepened. “You understand, right? Things are different now!”

Kibitzer stared at him, their eyes drifting to his head injury again. They glanced down at the first aid kit—at the bloody cloth still clenched in their hand. There had to be more they could do for him. Right now, their priority should have been to make sure he was okay. And yet, they had focused on this anyway, putting their concerns for his health aside for their insecurities and judgements. “I… I guess I do,” they finally said.

Spamton clenched his fists in his lap and leaned closer. “Please, Kibitzer. You gotta know I wouldn’t [sign you away].”

They stared at his wounds, and bit their lip. He was right. Things were different now. Whether he would have killed them before or not, the voice was gone and he wasn’t thinking about that anymore. There was no going back to those specific circumstances, so that kind of danger was no longer relevant.

They brought their knees up and lightly hugged them. They were tired. He was tired, they knew. “Are you sure? I… I feel like we’re close, but we still haven’t known each other very long. I know you want me here, but—”

“Yes, I do!!” Spamton interrupted. “Why would I ever [terminate contract]?”

“Well…!” Kibitzer paused, staring forward with gentle, lidded eyes. “Let’s say you have to choose.” They paused briefly, scanning his face for a sign that he was following. “Save me or get your new body.” They caught his eyes widening and an eyebrow raising questioningly, but they continued, “Would you get rid of me if that were the only way to get it? I know it’s… what you’ve always wanted.. M-maybe this isn’t f—”

¹¹ “Kibitzer!” Spamton practically scolded. “What is [heaven] without [communion]?” He paused, looking at them—watching their face for understanding. Kibitzer remained quiet, raising both eyebrows and tilting their head slightly, an obvious show of the opposite. Spamton put a hand firmly on their knee and leaned in so close—so close, he had to turn his head down so his nose wouldn’t poke them. “I would do [anything] for you.”

Kibitzer stared into his eyes—his real eyes, wide and blue and intensely focused. They let their glasses fall a little to make more room for eye contact. Maybe they were searching for a lie, but even if they found one, they wouldn’t know it. Their eyes relaxed a little, and they played the words in their head again, and again. ‘Anything.’ Anything? Were they really so valuable to him that he would give up his dreams if he had to? Or—maybe they weren’t. They just happened to be the one here, keeping him company. But… they supposed… that didn’t make him insincere. That didn’t make them nothing to him.

Finally, they broke from their thoughts and scooted forward until their bodies brushed together. They lazily wrapped their arms around him. “I… I believe you….”

With a smile, Spamton brought his hands up and gently hugged them back. “I’m giving you my [specil guarantee].”

Kibitzer chuckled softly. “Okay..” They leaned into him, letting his body hold them up. Their eyes remained open, lazily gazing at nothing in particular while they felt themself winding down. They started playing his reassuring words in their head again and again, finding them equally shocking as they were comforting. And—they figured, certainly warranting some verbal reciprocation. Spamton was probably even more paranoid than they were. The least they could do was make their support clear. “Whatever happens in there, I’m not gonna leave you behind either okay?” They tightened their hug a little. “I got your back.”

They felt Spamton’s hand petting their head, brushing down their hair with his whole palm. “Like when you made a [good team] with me at the Laser [price tag] competition?”

Kibitzer’s smile widened. “Yeah. Exactly like that.” They let go of him and sat back, still smiling as they looked at him with heavy eyes. “Hey. I’m gonna… m-maybe nap for just like five seconds.”

“You mean [hours].” Spamton grinned at them in an almost expectant manner.

“Eheheh! Yeah.” They shifted their body so they could lie down next to him, grabbing the blanket and pulling it over their legs. “Come on, you should too. You gotta be tired after getting clobbered earlier, heheh!”

As Spamton started lying down too, he muttered, “Hey, I had ‘em right where I wanted ‘em.”

Kibitzer curled up a little and tossed the blanket over Spamton too. “Welllll… you did clobber them back,” they conceded, before opening their mouth wide and letting out a yawn. “But we’re gonna be sneaky in the mansion, right?”

“Yep! [[Not A Creature Was Stirring].”

As Kibitzer pulled the blanket over both their shoulders, Spamton draped an arm over them. He practically hovered there, barely touching the material of their hoodie before Kibitzer wrapped their arms around him and pulled him in closer. He went still, holding his arm out above them for a few seconds. But soon, he began to slowly and carefully lower his arm and rest it over Kibitzer’s side.

“It’s okay,” Kibitzer said quietly. “I’ll tell you if it hurts.”

Spamton sighed audibly through his nose and finally relaxed fully, leaning forward and brushing his forehead against theirs.

Kibitzer nudged a little further against him, before pulling back just enough to see his face. With a confident smile, they said, “One more nap. Then, regardless of who’s in there, we’ll get your new body!”

Spamton’s smile quickly grew as well, though he was silent for a couple seconds. “Heheh!” He snuggled up close again. “We are going to be [BIG]!”

Kibitzer nodded. “Mmhm. But sleep first. ‘Kay? You’ll need your strength.”

Spamton went quiet for several minutes, though his eyes remained wide open. Kibitzer kept their eyes open as well, just staring at nothing. Finally, they opened their mouth to speak—

“[Take a load off!] Then we’ll [[Big]]. Heh! Me ‘n you!” Spamton rambled.

Kibitzer grinned, giggling softly. “G’night, Spams.”

They finally closed their eyes, relaxing their body against his and letting their mind drift. At first, their thoughts were coherently arguing with each other: Going back and forth simply to reinforce comfort in the conclusions they had made; Rambling more details about why it was going to be okay; Shutting down any intrusive fears. Everything was going to be okay. They were going to follow Spamton straight to his dream and be there to see him achieve it. Then, they were going to leave this ruined city behind.

‘After… we sleep?’ Kibitzer reminded themself once again, finally letting the weight of their eyelids quiet their thoughts and pull them under.