Archive of Our Own

Raya leaned on the railing of the old stone bridge to Heart, her father next to her, looking down at the river that flowed beneath them. They had just returned from their routine hike - a few miles out into the forest, looping around an old eucalyptus tree, and then back to Heart. Raya still felt uneasy being around so many people, and she enjoyed the time away from the bustle of the community and the time she got to spend with her father. His leg had healed, but his age was beginning to show, so they kept their hikes leisurely. Resting on the bridge afterwards had also become routine.

“Your leg seems to be doing much better,” Raya commented.

“It’s true. I think these walks have been helping. And I’m very glad for the time I get to spend with you,” her father added, and Raya smiled.

“Do you remember when you threw me off this bridge, Ba?”

Chief Benja smiled. He loved hearing about what ended up being one of his proudest moments - he saved his daughter from certain doom, and she saved the world. “I do, my little dewdrop. And I remember the look of betrayal on your face right before you hit the water.”

“Argh! Betrayal!” Raya screeched, one hand clutching her heart and the other reaching for the sky. The two laughed at the joke they’d told several times already.

“I’m so proud of you dewdrop, I hope you know that.”

Raya beamed and looked out onto the water.

“I’m also quite proud of my accomplishments,” he added. “I protected the dragon gem for many years. But, a warrior cannot live in his memories, fighting enemies of the past. He must also keep an eye to the future, and be prepared for whatever it may bring.”

Raya’s smile disappeared. She suddenly felt unsure - this wasn’t part of their script. She gave her father a side eye, trying to figure out where he was going with this.

“It’s been several months since you brought dragons back to this world, dewdrop. But you seem lost here in Heart. I wonder what the future holds for you?”

Raya sighed. “Ba, it’s complicated. I know, I saved the world and everything, but it doesn’t feel like it used to, you know? Things have changed.” She shrugged. “I’ve changed, I think.”

Her father nodded. “Yes, quite a lot has changed. I would know. In a heartbeat, my daughter went from a strong young girl to a strong young woman. The world went from falling apart to united and stronger than ever. The future is bright, Raya. You should look forward, and leave the past where it belongs.”

Raya felt scolded, and her face felt flush. It’s not like she wanted to be living in the past. She had tried embracing the future, of embracing Kumandra, but it wasn’t as easy as her father made it out to be. She had spent years on her own, being suspicious of everyone and everything, and it was the only reason she was still alive. She had had so many close calls - so many times where she felt safe, only to have it shattered moments later. She had nearly died so many times in the last 6 years, and as much as Sisu had helped her, letting her guard down was not easy.

Raya didn’t realize she had been hyperventilating until her father put her hand on her shoulder to calm her down. “It’s OK, dewdrop. Everything is OK. You’re safe.” Raya nodded meekly as she tried to slow her breathing.

Her father gave her a few moments to calm down before pressing his point. “Come to community dinner tonight, Raya. We’ve been having them weekly for the last few months, but you only came to the first handful. Come tonight - it will be good for you. Kumandra is growing before our eyes, and I want you to be a part of it.”

Raya gave her father a long look. She was not entertained by the thought. “Please,” he pleaded. “Come, and relax for an evening. It will do you good.”

Raya sighed. There was no way out of this. “Okay, Ba. I’ll come.”

Raya was full of anxiety.

What was she supposed to wear? She looked through her wardrobe, which she had not really expanded since returning to Heart. She had donated all of her clothing from when she was a girl and now all she owned was rugged, worn travelling gear. Well, that wasn’t exactly true - she did have some relatively new rugged travelling gear. It was the only thing she felt comfortable wearing anymore. Her father had taken her to a tailor and fitted her to a lovely blue sequined dress and a flowing white and turquoise pantsuit, but she hadn’t worn either since she got them. The extra fabric could easily get caught on a door handle or a tree branch, and the thought of not being able to move quickly gave her pause.

Raya sighed. That was the point - she didn’t need to move quickly, she just felt better if she could. So the outfits remained in her closet.

She couldn’t just wear her travelling gear to community dinner - that would just draw more of her father’s attention to her difficulties adjusting to life back in Heart. It was one of the new outfits, then. Raya ended up choosing the pantsuit. It was just as beautiful as the dress, but it would move better if the need arose. Not that anything was going to happen, but she preferred to be prepared.

Raya tried putting on eyeliner, but it kept coming out wrong - she sighed and rubbed her eyes with a cloth and started again. No one had really trained her how to do this, and she didn’t have a mother or a sister around to show her how. In the end, she settled on a simple outline. She clearly should have started on this sooner and there wasn’t time to keep practicing.

She ignored the blush and lipstick entirely. Maybe next time.

Raya didn’t bother to do anything with her hair, either. She hadn’t really had access to a good mirror for years, and never did anything fancier than a ponytail. She made sure it was brushed properly but ultimately decided that this, too, would have to wait until next time.

She wore her mother’s ring on a cord around her neck - a ring she had polished through worry over the last several years. She wore the pin of Kumandra her father had given her on the collar of her pantsuit. She wanted him to see she was trying.

Raya looked herself over in the mirror. She felt vulnerable in the unfamiliar clothes, but she didn’t really have much choice in the matter. She looked over to her dad’s sword on the mantle, which he had let her keep. It was far too large to bring with. She grabbed a small dagger from her dresser and tucked it into her waistband at the small of her back. It would have to do.

She left her chambers and strode down the halls of Heart. She lived in the upper halls, where the view let her see for miles in all directions. She had come to favor vantage points over the last few years, and being high up made her comfortable.

She was strong, and she could do this.

The sun was setting, and night was approaching. This was the time of day where you needed to be settling down - if you found a good hiding spot and didn’t make a lot of commotion, you could probably sleep through the night without getting ambushed. To be purposefully causing commotion made Raya uneasy.

Raya’s unease grew as she set foot on the ground and approached the community hall. It was a large building, designed to seat many, and only had a few entrances. She had been given reason to fear enclosed spaces, and crowds, and this was the perfect setting to twist her anxiety into high gear. She still hadn’t grown accustomed to noise. Music. People laughing, telling stories. Drawing attention. That kind of behavior was asking for the Druun to attack. Raya knew they were gone, but the fear built up inside her anyway. It was a reaction she had trained over the years, and unlearning it was difficult. She sighed. It’s not like she could just keep skipping these dinners forever, not with her father pushing so hard for her to come. She was just going to have to face it. It was only one night.

Raya stepped into the community hall. The light and music and the smell overwhelmed her. She found herself having to focus on the small things to keep from panicking. She watched the woman in front of her, gesturing animatedly as she was telling what was clearly an interesting story. Concentrating on the immediate helped, even if Raya wasn’t really following the story.

She made her way to the food table and saw two children fighting with impromptu bamboo swords, and couldn’t help but smile. The table had a wide variety of dishes from each of the five kingdoms, and some new dishes that combined ingredients from several. As good as it looked, her hunger disappeared. She had accepted food from a stranger 4 years ago in Spine, and she had been poisoned and most of her belongings had been stolen. She had nearly died later that night when the Druun found her. What was she supposed to do now? Her brain knew that the danger had passed, but her body didn’t seem to agree. Raya smiled and forced herself to accept the food that was offered. She could eat, even if she wasn’t hungry. If she just gritted her teeth and beared it, eventually it would get easier, right?

Raya ate near a group of people - close enough that she could listen, but not close enough that they would engage her. She was so focused on the task of smiling and being pleasant when people greeted her, she didn’t really taste her food or process anything that was said. All that really mattered was that she was here.

At some point Raya ran into her father, and he was delighted to see her - so delighted that it was easy to hide her discomfort from him. He introduced her to several people she promptly forgot and she smiled and nodded as he told his favorite stories. Raya remembered speaking but couldn’t remember what she said.

Raya reached her breaking point when the music and dancing began in earnest. Her anxiety was simply too much to handle. She had made an appearance, right? That’s what counted, right? She didn’t need to stay the whole night. She quickly made her way to an exit, feeling relief at the cold night air, and feeling proud that she had survived the evening’s gathering.

Her sense of pride did not last long.

Raya laid awake in her bed, staring out the window at the stars. She had felt accomplished having survived community dinner, but on her retreat back to her chambers, realization had crept over her - this social gathering that she had just survived had not been difficult for the other people in attendance. Thinking back on the looks on their faces, they had enjoyed being in each other’s company. For her, it almost felt worse than fighting the Druun. It dawned on Raya that this task that was so simple for everyone else had been in fact quite difficult for her.

She had tried not to think about it and to simply fall asleep, but she was too full of adrenaline and her thoughts would not leave her alone. When she started shaking she got out of bed and washed her face, then went out into the cold night air of her balcony. A change of scenery would help.

Raya thought through the faces she could remember from the dinner. Happiness. Joy. Mirth. She remembered seeing a much harder to quantify emotion on some faces - relief. Relief, that they were finally able to gather again safely. Relief, that the past was behind them.

That was an emotion that eluded Raya. She did not feel relieved. She should, but she didn’t.

She couldn’t control her shaking anymore, and she started crying.

Raya wept for several minutes, but then her weeping turned to sobbing. She hurt down to her bones. The fear and grief and anxiety she had carried for so long had become a part of her, and she couldn’t escape it anymore.

She had learned a trick from her time alone in the world - focus on the immediate. The immediate would keep her alive, and get her through this moment.

What did Raya need to get through this moment?

Raya thought about what she wanted at this very moment. She wanted to get away from people - she felt like her father was steering her to become more involved in the community, and the thought gave her anxiety. She felt trapped, and she wanted to escape. She wanted to leave Heart. She had never felt at peace on her own, but she wasn’t finding peace with others, either.

The thought came back to Raya - that this thing that was so difficult for her was so easy for others. And that thought morphed into another one - maybe her journey had broken her. Maybe she was broken, just like the world had been. “I don’t fit in this world,” she said aloud, to no one in particular. She said it, and it felt true. She had saved the world, and now it was a world she wasn’t fit to live in anymore.

Raya imagined the future - more community dinners, more integration, more being with people. She couldn’t handle that. She needed something to change, but she didn’t know what that was or how to do it.

She was packing her travel bag before she knew it. She changed into her worn riding gear, pulling on the boots that had gotten her out of so many sticky situations. They felt comfortable, and she desperately needed some comfort right now. She hadn’t felt at home in Heart the last few months - only the open road felt like home, now.

Raya held the pin of Kumandra in her hand. She knew she should take it with her, as a symbol of how she had fixed the world, but it felt dishonest to carry it when she herself still felt so broken. She was happy with how things had turned out - she wouldn’t have changed any of it - but somehow it still felt wrong. She didn’t understand how saving the world could feel so wrong, and she felt shame at the thought.

She left the pin on her pillow. She hoped her father would understand.

She made her way down to the stables at the edge of Heart. It was the middle of the night, and everyone slept. She saw no other people. She found a familiar sphere of a beast sleeping on a cozy pile of bedding. “Hey there, Tuk Tuk,” she said with a smile in her voice.

Namaari watched her students with a careful eye. There were 30 of them, split into 5 lines, each going through the motions she had taught them a week prior. On the outside, it looked like a slow dance, and in a way it was. But it also included the foundation of the martial art Namaari was trying to teach them, and if the movements of the dance became rote, her students would perform better.

They were training in an open courtyard on the main island in Fang. Stone arches cordoned off the area from the rest of the compound, and a small wall along one end held the sea at bay. This corner of the island had largely been untouched when the Druun attacked months prior, but there was still damage to the stonework that had yet to be repaired. Scars still visible, even though everyone was ready to move on. Kumandra was the dream everybody was talking about.

Namaari could see the lack of focus in her students. It was obvious in their form. “Dichen, your stance is too loose. You’ll be knocked flat if someone strikes you.” She continued to circle. “Dewi, arms in. You won’t be able to react quick enough with your arms so far from your body.”

Dewi’s name reminded her of Dewdrop - the name Raya’s father used with his daughter. She had overheard Raya’s father use it when Namaari was last in Heart. Thinking of Raya made Namaari’s heart heavy - there were still a lot of unsaid things between them, and they hadn’t spoken in the last few months.

Now was not the time to get sentimental. Namaari refocused on her students.

Amir looked like he was only half-heartedly following the routine. “Amir, are you taking this seriously?” That got a chuckle from him and her students, which was not the reaction Namaari was looking for. She gestured for her students to break formation and she walked to the center of the line where Amir had stopped his routine.

“Sorta, I guess? I just don’t understand what dancing has to do with anything.” Another chuckle from the crowd, which she did not think was appropriate.

Namaari furrowed her brow. “This isn’t dancing. You’re learning basic forms of movement. You need these movements to be second nature before we move on to martial arts training.”

“I mean, we’re always going to have weapons, shouldn’t we be learning how to use those? It’s not like we’re going to be having wrestling matches with people.”

Namaari was shocked at the disrespect this youth was showing her. She had never seen an attitude like this when the Druun were at the door. Back then, everyone understood that you were always moments away from death. Just a few short months later, and it felt like this newest batch of students had already forgotten that.

Namaari stared hard at Amir until the chuckles died down. She let the silence sit for a moment longer, letting the awkwardness hang in the air for another beat.

“Let me show you why you’re wrong,” she said quietly, then turned and walked to the edge of the courtyard. Students parted to make room for her. She pulled a bamboo long spear from the weapons rack, then carried it back to Amir. All eyes were on the metal blade glinting in the sunlight. She stopped a dozen feet from Amir, then tossed the spear to him. He caught it and looked at her, not sure what he was supposed to do with it.

Namaari raised her hands and went into a fighting stance. “Land a blow on me,” she commanded.

“Well, it’s hardly a fair fight,” Amir started, the uncertainty clear in his voice. He looked the spear over like he wasn’t sure what to do with it. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Don’t worry, you won’t.”

Namaari could see his ears turn red from this distance. Her students were quiet now. Amir lowered the spear at Namaari, then started to circle. She matched his movements.

A few moments later, Amir lunged at her half-heartedly. She showed no mercy. She blocked the jab with her forearm, grabbed the shaft, pulled Amir toward her, then spun and struck him solidly on the chest with the palm of her hand. Amir toppled backwards and landed in the dust.

Namaari dropped the spear at his feet. “Again.” She turned, made distance between them, and then took up a fighting stance as she faced Amir again.

Amir looked like a mix of wounded pride and embarrassment. He picked up the spear as he stood and got into a fighting stance. His stance was jumpy - unpracticed, and imprecise. He was telegraphing his movements well before he made them. He took a few more practice jabs at Namaari, attempting to goad her into a response, but she didn’t take the bait. She waited patiently for him to attempt to strike.

Amir lunged at her, and Namaari blocked the spear high. Amir’s arms went up as he attempted to hang on the weapon, and Namaari quickly closed the distance. She struck his hands with her fists, loosening his grip, and swept his legs out from underneath him. He landed with a thud, and once again Namaari was standing over him, holding the spear.

Namaari waited a few moments while Amir looked up at the blade, and then to her. She dropped the spear again and put distance between the two of them. “Again,” she said loudly.

Amir got to his knees, but stayed on the ground. “I... have much to learn,” he said, head bowed.

Namaari used this moment to drive a point home. “In the real world, Amir would be dead twice over. If you don’t have a mastery over your body, it doesn’t matter how well armed you are. Someone with better training than you will take your weapon from you, cut your throat and loot your corpse.” She circled Amir, staring out into the crowd of her students, but none of them would meet her eye. “You are undisciplined. I can teach you how to use a spear, or a sword, or your fists, but all the training in the world won’t save you if you don’t put in the effort to learn it properly.”

“Some would say there will be no need for fighting, once we’re all a part of Kumandra,” rang a voice from the edge of the courtyard. Namaari’s mother, Chief Virana, stepped out from the shadows where she had been watching and into the sunlight. Her students turned and bowed - at least Namaari had cowed some respect into them.

“I would say that Kumandra is a dream we should all work toward, but that we should be prepared for anything.”

Virana approached, stopped as she reached the crowd of students. “That is very wise, general,” she said.

A few moments passed, and Namaari realized her mother intended to stay. “That is all for now. Go get food, then meet me back here in 2 hours.”

Namaari helped Amir to his feet. He did not meet her gaze. There was no chatter as her students made themselves scarce. Namaari returned the bamboo spear to the weapons rack, and she and her mother took a slow walk along the edge of the island.

“I never thought I’d see the day when we were able to settle the mainland,” Virana started, gazing out across the water to the construction on the far shore. Fang had reached its housing limits even before the Druun were banished, and now that they were gone and everyone who had been petrified had returned to life, there was simply no place to put all of the people. “For so long, it’s been out of reach, always too dangerous to build any sort of permanent settlement. Now, we’re building houses - homes that will last.”

“It has been quite the miracle,” Namaari responded more flatly than she intended.

“You sound hesitant?”

Namaari sighed. “No, we need to be building on the mainland. There’s no other option.”

“Then what is it that bothers you?”

Namaari paused for a moment, trying to find the words. “We survived the Druun - we thrived, despite them. And we did it all by being careful, and calculating. We didn’t make rash decisions. I know that expanding is the right choice, and I know we needed to make that choice quickly, but it’s all happening so fast. It leaves me feeling unprepared. We’re vulnerable.”

“Vulnerable to what, my little morning mist? What enemies does Fang have?”

“None, mother,” Namaari admitted, “but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be cautious. We may have enemies we haven’t met yet.”

“Is that why you were so hard on your students today?”

Namaari had expected the conversation to turn in this direction, and she was ready. “They’re soft. The Druun have only been gone a few months, and they’ve already forgotten the discipline it took to keep us safe. We need to be vigilant if we’re going to protect Fang.”

They walked in silence for a few moments. The view was quite beautiful - most of the far shore was still cloaked in lush, green trees. The wind gusted over the surface of the water, leaving wakes and eddies as it passed, painting a picture with its passage. A pair of birds flew low over the water, then rose up above the trees and disappeared.

“As a leader, it’s my job to take all of Fang into consideration. Without a strong army, we cannot protect ourselves, and our way of life would end. I would have failed them.” Chief Virana paused for a few moments. ”But if our citizens think only of what is safe, and take no chances, and do not really live, then I have failed them in a different way.”

“Now is the time to take chances, my daughter. We have been vigilant for so long - it is what was needed to keep the Druun at bay. But with the Druun gone, the citizens of Fang need something different - they need to live. We cannot become Kumandra by forever being battle ready. At some point, we have to let our guard down and trust each other.”

Namaari did not like what she was hearing, but she did not argue with her mother. Chief Virana wasn’t here to be convinced that Fang needed to take a different path - she was here to convince her daughter to take a different path. Namaari did not like that. “It is as you say,” she conceded.

“You have done well at keeping Fang safe all these years, Namaari. I am proud of you, and Fang thanks you.” Her mother was watching her reaction closely, but Namaari kept her face neutral. “I worry that being hard is all you know. Perhaps, have you considered what else there is to life, beyond your duties as general?”

“Are you relieving me of my command?” Namaari asked, taken aback.

“Not at all. You are an asset to Fang, and we are glad to have you. But for the time being, we can afford to let our strongest take a moment to rest.” A moment’s pause. “Have you heard from Raya lately?”

Namaari felt her heart clench at the thought. She hadn’t been prepared for the sudden change in subject. “No, I haven’t,” she said, and looked away. “I’m beginning to think she wants nothing to do with me.”

Virana raised her hand and touched Namaari’s cheek gently. “I can’t imagine anyone wanting nothing to do with you, my child.”

Namaari had been prepared to be scolded. She grew up as a soldier, and that had given her thick skin. She had not been prepared for the softness her mother had shown her. Not that her mother did not show softness, but rather that she had decided Namaari needed gentleness when it came to Raya.

Namaari had complicated feelings about Raya. The connection when they were young - that was real. Namaari had felt an immediate attraction to her. But Fang had needed something else from her at the time, and Namaari had done what was right for her country. She didn’t regret that.

After the world broke, Namaari very quickly put Raya out of her mind. Fang was in danger, and it didn’t need a young girl - it needed a soldier. Namaari trained, and she excelled, quickly rising the ranks. Given how many people they lost, Namaari had assumed Raya had died, and moved on with her life.

Until 6 months ago, when Fang’s dragon scroll had been stolen. Namaari had known it was Raya immediately. When word got out that a Sisu-fanatic with a giant Tuk Tuk was on the prowl for dragon gem pieces, Namaari had requested her mother let her be the one to protect Fang.

Hearing that Raya was still alive had brought up a host of feelings she thought she had dealt with. It took several months to realize she felt guilt at betraying Raya, and she didn’t like that feeling. Namaari decided that if she could prove Raya wrong - that Heart had been hoarding the gem and the prosperity it brought, instead of sharing it with the other lands - then she hadn’t betrayed Raya after all, and she had done what was right and necessary. The only way to prove that was to get all the gem pieces for Fang.

Look, the logic wasn’t great, but Namaari had been feeling acutely distressed, and it made sense to her brain at the time.

When Raya had showed up at the doorstep of Fang, with all of the gem pieces in hand, Namaari had no choice but to try and take them. But Sisu had convinced her she was wrong, and had convinced her to trust Raya. How could she not? Namaari had idolized this dragon since she was a child, and here she was, standing before her, asking Namaari to trust her.

Raya had seen that moment of weakness and attacked, and Namaari didn’t like to think on what happened next.

It had taken the literal end of the world for Raya to forgive Namaari, even for a moment. And those moments felt wonderful. It was in those moments that Namaari realized how badly she had missed Raya, and how strong her feelings for her were. This woman was as strong as she, just as nerdy, had a self-sufficiency streak that Namaari admired, and was pretty. Incredibly pretty. Namaari felt herself blushing unconsciously at the thought.

But then that moment passed. While Namaari was opening up and feeling vulnerable, Raya grew cold and distant. The honeymoon energy of saving the world was slipping away, and Raya realized she had not actually forgiven Namaari for that betrayal all those years ago. They stopped talking, and hadn’t spoken in months.

That had hurt Namaari deeply. She had finally opened up, after years of being self-contained, and once she finally let her guard down, her hopes and dreams had been slowly, painfully, taken away from her.

Back in Fang, Namaari did what she knew best. She threw herself back into her role as general, and after seeing the quite deplorable batch of new recruits, had taken it upon herself to train them personally. She was shocked at how quickly Fang’s vigilance had faded - years of watching their backs, making carefully calculated moves, never risking too much to protect the community - and suddenly everybody was letting their guard down. Namaari knew in her heart it wasn’t wise, but her mother had just come to her and told her she was being too stringent. She didn’t agree with that, either, but she wasn’t Fang’s leader yet, and if her mother told her to take time away from her duties, she felt she had no choice.

But what was she supposed to do? Go to Heart and talk to Raya? Namaari sighed audibly to herself. Raya had been distant the last time they were together at community dinner at Heart. She had been disinterested in conversation, and would not look at Namaari. Sensing things had been wrong for weeks now, Namaari decided to take a risk and ask Raya to dance - she declined, and left shortly after. No - Raya had not forgiven Namaari, and nothing she could do would change that. She had to move on. Again.

But what would she do instead, if not go to Heart and not lead troops in Fang?

The sounding of the dinner gong meant Namaari didn’t have to answer that question now, and she was grateful. She sat up in her large bed, then stood and moved to the window. She lived in the tallest tower in Fang, where the view let her see for miles in all directions. She had come to favor vantage points over the last few years, and being high up made her comfortable. It was fall, and the sun was beginning to set earlier in the day. She could see a slow trickle of people heading toward the mess hall. It was time for dinner, and Namaari was hungry. A full belly would help her think.

Dinner at Fang was often a community event. It was a time to come together, to celebrate the day's accomplishments, and quite honestly, to see who was still alive. It had started shortly after the world had broke, and the inhabitants of Fang had opted to continue the tradition after the world had been fixed.

Namaari entered the mess hall through the large doors that opened into Fang's inner courtyard. The hall was one of the first buildings to be repaired after the Druun attacked the city, and it filled Namaari's heart with joy to see everyone coming together to eat.

Namaari stopped at the food table and filled her plate with stew and rice - an import from Heart. She took her place at her mother's table, though she was grateful her mother wasn't there at the moment. Namaari had spent several hours thinking over what she had said to her, and had not come to any answers.

The food was good - it always was. Food was an important part of life in Fang.

General Atitāya was in the middle of telling a familiar war story about the Druun, and Namaari let her attention wander. Her eyes went to the doors, where no guards were posted, and she felt a twinge of anxiety - who would warn them if the Druun attacked? She gazed out over the crowd and saw smiling, happy faces, and with as much joy as it brought her to see her community together, she couldn't shake the feeling of how vulnerable everything felt. She knew the danger had passed, but she didn’t think it was wise to be letting their guard down like this. Fang had stayed safe by making smart decisions, and Namaari couldn't help but think they weren't making smart decisions right now. They were letting their joy and relief go to their heads.

Namaari had half a mind to go find the guards and give them a lecture about defending Fang, but her mother's image appeared in her head, scolding her, telling her she needed to be softer. She sighed. It would be better to keep quiet.

Her eyes wandered the crowd until they found Amir - he along with several other of Namaari's students had entered the mess hall and were headed to the food table. By the way he was carrying himself, Namaari was sure she had bruised one of his ribs. As if reading her thoughts, Amir looked up and locked eyes with her - his smile vanished, and he made a quick bow from across the room before turning back towards his friends.

Namaari smiled. She knew she was the cause of his embarrassment and discomfort, and she was OK with that, because it meant he would turn into a strong warrior one day.

But Chief Virana's words haunted her - Fang needed something different right now. Fang didn't need warriors, or discipline, or calculated decisions - what Fang needed right now was to allow her citizens to relax, to breathe, and to enjoy life.

Namaari had a sinking feeling - she wasn't needed anymore.

She looked out over the hall again, this time with a different set of eyes. The unease she felt at everyone being in danger by not being prepared - she was the only one who felt that unease. Everyone else seemed relaxed, and joyous, and carefree - but not Namaari. Namaari was tense, battle ready, agitated, and annoyed that nobody else was. She tried to picture herself as one of them, laughing with friends, focused only on the present, but she couldn't. Her mind wouldn't quiet itself. It was always planning, always preparing, coming up with a back-up plan, always trying to be ready for the worst outcome. Those exact traits had made her one of Fang’s best generals. Namaari had grown up being vigilant, and it wasn't just something she could just turn off with ease 

“I don’t fit in this world,” she said quietly, to no one in particular. And she knew it to be true - she didn't fit, because Fang didn't need her right now.

Namaari finished her meal, then carried her plate to the kitchens. She walked up the many flights of stairs to her room - stairs that had made her strong - and started packing her bags. She knew she needed to work through her feelings, to figure out why she couldn’t let go of the past and move on like everyone else, and she knew staying in Fang wouldn’t help.

Digging through her travel bag, Namaari pulled out the gold ring she had found in the wastelands of Tail. The ring belonged to Raya - she had worn it in her hair the night they had first met. She had meant to give it back to Raya, especially after Raya had returned her Sisudatu necklace, but she’d never found the time. Now she wasn’t even sure Raya wanted to talk to her anymore. Namaari stuffed the ring back in her bag and decided she didn’t want to think about that right now.

Namaari sat down at her desk and wrote a short letter to her mother. I’m going out to find myself, I’m not sure where I’m going or when I’ll be back, I’m taking one of the cats, General Atitāya can take on my students, I love you. She signed it, wrote “Chief Virana” on the back, and left it on her desk - the cleaning staff would find it and deliver it to her mother.

No sense in leaving in the middle of the night, she thought, and crawled into bed. Rest would do her good, and if she still felt like leaving in the morning, she would.

Sleep found her immediately.

Namaari was in the stables before dawn. Light was just beginning to fill the sky, but she knew her way around the stables in the dark. She found Grey’s stall, and woke the great cat with scritches behind the ear. Namaari was greeted by a deep, rumbling purr. “Time to get up, kitty.”

Rrrrrrrr.

“I have treats,” she whispered.

Grey’s ears perked up.

The wind whipped through Raya’s hair. She and Tuk Tuk rolled through the grasslands, slowing as they crested a hill, and then speeding up as they rolled down the far side. She reveled in the thrill of riding Tuk Tuk - she hadn’t realized how much she had missed this. Raya kept her mask on and covering her face, partially to cut the wind and to keep from eating bugs, partially because she didn’t want anyone recognizing her. Everyone at Heart knew who she was, and it had been making it harder to find peace.

Raya had been on the road for several days. She had largely avoided settlements, preferring to light a fire and sleep under the stars with Tuk Tuk. She didn’t quite understand why, but the thought of being around people right now made her stomach sink, so she avoided them where possible. Rolling at a good clip helped with that - she waved briefly as she passed travelers on the road, but didn’t need to stop to talk to anyone.

Except Raya was running low on rations. She had not packed as much food as she should have, but she was distraught and left in the middle of the night. This wasn’t exactly a well thought-out plan.

Raya had seen several traveling merchants the past few days, but had avoided them. If you weren’t careful, you’d find the one who had strongmen hidden just out of sight, ready to rob you as soon as you pulled out your purse. Last time that had happened, Raya had fought them off, but one of them had bruised her shoulder pretty badly, and it had stayed a sickly shade of yellow for well over a week.

But she couldn't avoid them forever. And it was better than going into town, where she'd be surrounded by people.

Raya came upon a traveling merchant the following day. It was morning, for which she was grateful - if you met a merchant shortly before making camp, they could always circle back in the night and rob you. She pulled up on the saddle, and Tuk Tuk slowed to a more reasonable pace.

"Greetings," she said, once the merchant was close.

"Good day to you," the woman responded, tipping her hat. She was walking next to a horse, hands on the reins as she guided the beast that pulled a wagon full of goods.

Raya slowed Tuk Tuk to a stop. "I was hoping I could buy a few things off of you."

"Oh!!" came the delighted response. The woman patted her horse, who stomped its hooves a few times before coming to a stop. "What'll it be? I'm just out of Tail - stocked up this morning, and I'm hoping to make it to one of the outer villages of Talon before night falls. But if I've got less to carry, that should make it easier!" The woman barked a laugh at her joke.

Raya gave a soft chuckle as she dismounted Tuk Tuk. He unfurled, gave a quick shake of his head and a tiny roar, then sauntered over to a patch of grass and flopped onto his stomach.

“That’s a mighty fine beast you have there,” the merchant offered.

Raya made a non-committal affirming grunt, and started looking through the merchant’s wares. A lot of practical things - small sewing kits, bandages, waterskins, a few knives. Some less practical things - a few children’s dolls, some decorative scarves, two journals, a red kite. A reasonable variety of food - Raya grabbed a sack of rice and some dried meat for stew, and spotted a bottle of honey wine that she grabbed as well. It didn’t really matter if they tried to poison you if you were voluntarily drinking that poison, right?

Raya smiled at her dark humor and continued browsing. She’d test it all later that night before she ate it, obviously.

“Whereabouts are you headed, if you don’t mind me asking?” The woman had pulled out a stool, taken off a boot, and was rubbing one of her feet. It could be a sign of trust, letting her guard down like that, or it could be she only wanted Raya to think she was letting her guard down. Either way, it didn’t matter - Raya had her father’s sword on her, and it had gotten her out of a lot of tricky situations before.

Raya stopped browsing. “Um, I don’t know, really,” she said truthfully, the sadness creeping unbidden into her voice. She didn’t know. She had spent the last 6 years of her life on the road, and now it felt more like home than any other place she’d been. She didn’t have a destination in mind.

“Sometimes, where you’re going don’t matter. Sometimes it’s the going itself that matters.”

Well, according to that logic, this trip was a resounding success.

“You’re fond of that mask, aren’t you?”

“Who, what? Me?” Raya replied. “Uhh, no, I just have a cold. Trying to be polite, that’s all.” She faked a small cough.

The woman grinned, but didn’t press her any further.

Raya gathered the rest of the things she needed, and exchanged jade with the merchant. She kept an eye on her as she loaded Tuk Tuk’s saddle. The woman started approaching her, and Raya turned, hand on the sword under her cloak, eyes on the woman’s hands.

She held out a small fidget spinner. “From what I can tell, it looks like you’ve got some things going on. I don’t know about you, but sitting still doesn’t suit me. It’s why I like being on the road - it lets me move where I want, and meet new people. Does me good. But when I do have to sit still, these little toys help. They help distract me enough so I can be present, you know what I mean?” She held it out, and Raya took it. It was a simple thing - some carved and polished wood that Raya was able to hold with her thumb and her middle finger and spin with her pointer finger. She spun it, and it made a satisfying twirling sound.

“...th-thank you,” Raya managed to get out. “Nobody’s given me a gift since…” The Sisudatu necklace from Namaari.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for out there.” The woman smiled, then turned back to her horse and wagon.

Riding off on Tuk Tuk, Raya had conflicted feelings about the interaction. In a way, her distrust had felt comfortable. Familiar. It’s what she’d been doing to survive for so many years. She’d worn it for so long, it felt uncomfortable to wear anything else. It had actually felt really nice to not trust the merchant, to keep one eye on her and one hand on the sword, and to make sure she wasn’t mugged or beaten or poisoned. And she realized that reaction was not healthy. Those behaviors had served her so well for years - they were the reason she was still alive. But she realized, over the last few months, those behaviors were not serving her anymore. She had leaned so hard into distrust, it had become a part of who she was.

That was nowhere more obvious than with Namaari.

Raya’s heart ached just thinking about her. The woman had betrayed her twice - once when she broke the world, and once when she murdered Sisu. Raya had been so angry when she hunted Namaari down after that - she was so blinded by rage, she could have killed Namaari. Would have, had Tong and Boun’s shouting not caught her ear, and brought her attention to the fact that innocent people needed her help.

It had been very hard to move on from that. That hurt, that feeling of betrayal, was not something she could forget easily. Surrounded by Druun, she had only trusted Namaari with the gem pieces because she had no other choice. It had been her last hope. Namaari had pulled through, and that had eased the pain somewhat. The other dragons had brought Sisu back, and that had helped, too - if Sisu had stayed dead, she wasn’t sure she would have been able to forgive Namaari. Even so, she was finding it very hard to do. She found it hard to move on.

But to be perfectly honest, Raya hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about Namaari. Her anxiety and shame at being unable to adapt to a life where hers was not being threatened on a daily basis had taken up her entire focus the last few months. Namaari had tried to make overtures of friendship, but Raya couldn’t even sit through dinner without having a panic attack. Raya wasn’t in a place where she could think about Namaari right now - she needed to get her own head sorted.

Raya rode alone with her dark thoughts for several hours. It was around noon before she came out of her reverie - the sun was high and bright, and she realized she was in the wastelands of Tail again. Tuk Tuk was leaving a small trail in the sand as she rode, and he was getting tired - she could feel it. She’d find a spot on the next hill to take a break and give Tuk Tuk some water. There didn’t tend to be a lot of shade in this part of Tail. They were traveling along a small escarpment no taller than 10ft at its highest, and it didn’t provide any shade this time of day. They’d make do with a good vantage point.

The two of them rounded the escarpment, and Raya spotted them immediately: three statues in the sand, hands cupped in front of them. A Druun flashed before Raya’s eyes, looming tall, and she screamed. She fell out of her saddle and landed hard on her neck.

Pain shot up the base of her skull, but she didn’t have time to think about it. She rolled to her knees, and looked around frantically for her bag. She didn’t see it. Then she realized - it didn’t have her dragon gem piece. It wouldn’t save her anyway.

Raya quickly pulled out her sword and got to her feet, swinging it around wildly in front of her, looking for the Druun. Her weapon was useless, but she wouldn’t go down without a fight.

A few moments passed, and nothing moved. Raya panted heavily. After a few moments more, Raya lowered her sword. There was nothing there.

Tuk Tuk had continued rolling and was several dozen feet away from her before he popped out of his shell and turned around to investigate. He stomped through the sand, grunting cheerfully before coming up to nuzzle Raya’s hand.

She dropped her sword on the ground, and felt thoroughly embarrassed. There had been no Druun at all.

Raya felt tears in her eyes, and not from the sand. Why was this so hard? Why couldn’t she move on?

She cried there quietly for a while, before Tuk Tuk gave her a bigger shove, making her take a few steps. He grunted and stomped his feet on the sand, and Raya couldn’t help but laugh through the tears. He just wanted to play.

Raya rubbed behind his ears good before collecting herself and walking over to the three statues. A chunk was missing from the head of the one, the chest of the second had crumbled, and only half of the third statue remained. Apparently, not everyone had come back when they’d saved the world from the Druun. If your statue was broken, you stayed a statue.

Raya bowed and made a circle with her hands in front of her, then turned back to Tuk Tuk and pulled the water from his saddle. She didn’t need the high ground. There were no Druun anymore.

She ate the last of her leftovers from the night before in the sand next to the three statues. In a way, seeing them helped. It had felt like everyone in Heart had gotten through the last 6 years unscathed - everybody but Raya. She had some very large emotional scars she was trying to work through, and morbid as it was, knowing that someone else was more badly damaged that she was a bit of a relief. They simply had visible scars.

After a short lunch, she remounted Tuk Tuk. Looking around the wasteland, she realized she was not far from the shipwreck where she’d found Sisu. She had a sudden urge to see it again. It was still over a day’s travel away, but at least she had a destination, now.

Raya’s neck throbbed from where she had landed. She chewed on some willow bark and rubbed it as best as she could while she rode, but it didn’t help much. The constant throbbing was a reminder of her overreaction, and it annoyed her.

The pair made camp at a small river that was not there the last time Raya had passed through. Water had returned to the world at the same time the dragons did, and small sprouts of life were returning to Tail. But, it took time. There was some tall grass growing by the river, but no other signs of life. Maybe Tail needed time to heal, just like she did.

It was cold that night, and sleep did not come easy.

Raya's neck was stiff and sore the next morning. She groaned. Maybe she should have stayed in Heart - at least she'd have a comfy bed to wake up in.

She washed in the cold river, then woke Tuk Tuk from his slumber. The two of them shared a quiet meal and set out early. In Tail, it was easier to travel in the morning and in the evening while the air was cool. Once again, Raya was grateful for her heavy face mask, because the wind bit at her face as she rode.

They traveled throughout the day, stopping for a few hours around noon to let the heat pass. There were no other people in Tail. There hadn't been for several years, but Raya had half expected people to try to resettle Tail by now. She also had no idea what had happened to the people of Tail without water to protect them - had they all died, or fled? Did they have new homes now? Had they become a part of whatever land they settled in, and didn’t want to come back? Were they waiting for Tail to heal?

It was early evening when Raya reached the shipwreck where she had first met Sisu. The water level had risen significantly since her last visit. It had battered the ship apart, and pieces of flotsam were all that remained, scattered about the shoreline. The water still flowed, and Raya assumed that meant the river still disappeared into the rock underneath her. Here, too, were signs of life - mostly grasses sprouting along the shore, but also the bugs that came with them.

Raya busied herself with making camp - she unpacked Tuk Tuk, pulled out her cooking gear, set aside her spare riding boots, set up her sleeping bag, and started on dinner. The stew meat from the merchant she had met was, in fact, not poisoned, and actually quite good. Tuk Tuk was exhausted from the trip, and he curled up and went to sleep immediately after dinner.

Raya went and sat by the water.

It was dark at this point, but Raya couldn’t sleep. It might have been the pain in her neck, or that she had a lot on her mind. Her fire crackled behind her and it cast light out onto the water. Just earlier this year, Raya would have never considered leaving a fire lit at night.

She sat for a while, and thought through what life had been like up until she met Sisu. Quite honestly, it had been miserable. There were enemies around every corner, and she had been forced to confront death and her own mortality multiple times. She had seen people die - both petrified by Druun, and killed by other people. She had learned from a young age to always carry a weapon and always watch her back. Raya had not enjoyed her life, but she had been very good at it, and maybe that was part of the problem - maybe she enjoyed being good at something, even if it was bad for her.

She wondered if other people her age struggled like she did, having grown up with a childhood full of danger. It had been a lonely experience. She had no one in her life she could trust until recently, and even then, it was hard for her. The only thing that had gotten Raya through the ordeal was her singular focus on saving her father. She had honestly given up hope, but she went through the motions anyway. It had looked like desperation to those on the outside more than once, and that’s because it was. Raya had been desperate for anything that could make things like they were before.

And now things were like the way they were before, and she couldn’t move on. Why was this so hard?

She had met Sisu here, and Sisu had helped her save the world. Why was she still stuck in the past?

Sisu had helped her save the world, but even a dragon couldn’t fix her problem.

Raya held her knees and cried for a while. The fire died down and went out completely, and she shivered in the cold fall air, but didn’t have the energy or the desire to grab a blanket.

Then, a thought came to her.

Her father had been her singular focus. Every waking moment for several years had been dedicated to seeing him again. It had driven her entire life.

And now that was back, she had no focus.

She thought about it some more - since she had gotten her father back, what had she been doing in Heart? Nothing. She had wanted to spend time with her father, and she did. But she wasn’t doing anything besides visiting with him. She had no hobbies, no other friends. Once she realized she was having trouble adjusting, she had tried to wait it out. Give it time, see if it would pass on its own. She had been aimless for the last few months. She went from having a single goal driving her every choice in life, to having no goal whatsoever, and it was just dawning on her now.

Raya sat with the thought for a while. The longer she held it, the truer it felt.

Then another thought came, this one more difficult.

What did Raya want?

She didn’t know how to answer that. What did she want?

It was a daunting question. Raya had not thought about her own wants and needs for the last 6 years. She thought about the merchant from earlier - did Raya like to journal? Did she like to fly kites? Did she like to garden, or knit? She clearly liked to travel - she’d been on the road for over a week, and it was the most at peace she’d felt in months. Did she actually like sword-fighting, or did she carry her sword because she was good at it?

What did Raya want to do?

The question was big, but Raya realized she had stopped crying. She had given her brain an important, interesting puzzle.

She decided this was enough introspection for the night, and crawled into her sleeping bag next to the unlit fire.

Namaari left Fang and headed east. She had always enjoyed her excursions - Fang's great cats were faster than the Druun, and seemed to be able to sense them when they were near. They were invaluable in staying safe while outside of Fang’s borders.

She had known her cat Grey since she was a kitten, and had ridden with her many times before. Namaari had always traveled in a group, because there were safety in numbers, and because they were usually on a mission for Fang. This was her first time on a trip alone. It gave her time to think.

Namaari wanted to travel to Spine. She hadn’t realized everyone in Spine had been turned to stone at her last visit, and had always held their fighting prowess in high regard. At least, the stories she’d been told had left her in awe of the strength of their warriors. Namaari had only read about Spine culture in books or heard about it through stories from her mother. She was interested in seeing it first hand. A few days into her trip, Namaari realized she had another motive. She wanted to see how another warrior society - one that had actually lost to the Druun - was handling this era of peace. Were they training just as hard as before? Did their defeat sting, and drive them to greatness? Or had they gone soft, just like Fang was starting to?

It struck Namaari how many people were on the roads. During her past missions, the roads had been empty, and had fallen into disrepair. Nobody traveled while the Druun were out - not by land, anyway. Boats were the only safe means of transportation. Unless you traveled by great cat, which only Fang warriors did.

She stopped and talked to numerous people on her trip. Many of them were in awe of Grey and wanted to pet her. Namaari was happy to oblige - there was value in impressing others with Fang’s strength. Everyone was talking about Kumandra now, but she couldn’t help but feel pride in her homeland.

People talked about her behind her back, when they thought she was out of earshot.

“Did you see? That was Princess Namaari!”

“She’s so strong and pretty!” Namaari had blushed at that comment.

“Did you know? She’s the girl who broke the world.” This had brought a scowl to Namaari’s face. At least nobody was talking about the incident with Sisu.

Grey moved quickly, and Namaari crossed into Spine after a couple of days. The terrain grew more difficult, and the trees grew larger. She had seen them before, but she had never really stopped to look at them. There were trees so big she couldn’t touch both sides had they been cut down the middle. They were massive, and impressively tall. Without worrying about Druun hiding behind them, Namaari was able to take a moment and appreciate their beauty.

Namaari rounded a bend and saw the city of Spine before her. It looked more like a stockade than a city, with spiked wooden walls carved from giant tree trunks encircling it. The gates were also made of heavy logs, and were open, but looked like it would take a dozen people to move.

The last time she was in Spine, she had been here with an army, hunting for Raya. She was surprised at the number of people here now - of course, it had been deserted during her last visit. Several Spine warriors guarded the gates, but they were not at attention. One warrior was talking with an old couple by the gate. Another was shouting to one of his comrades on the wall, telling him a story about a hunt that Namaari only half caught. She saw a third warrior pointing and pantomiming directions to someone who was eagerly paying attention. No one seemed concerned with her presence, so she dismounted and walked into the city. A warrior nodded at her as she entered and gave Grey a look, but made no move to stop or question her.

Just inside the city gates, Namaari realized she had no plan. She had no idea what she was going to do, now that she was in Spine.

After a few minutes standing there, trying to formulate a plan, her thoughts were interrupted by a booming “NAMAARI!!!”

She had a dagger in her hand in an instant, and looked around to find the source of the voice. She couldn’t judge the intent behind the tone.

Tong disentangled from the crowd, and laughed when he saw her dagger. “That’s a mighty fine tooth pick you got there! Did you eat some stringy beef last night?” The Spine warrior laughed full-bellied at his own joke.

Namaari smiled, and put the dagger away. At least someone had forgiven her for the death of Sisu.

“Good to see that you are battle-ready as always. What brings you to Spine?” boomed Tong.

“I, uh, I’m not actually sure.” Feeling unsure was still a new emotion for her.

“Then you must be here to visit an old friend!”

“Yeah,” Namaari said after a moment’s pause. “Yeah, that’s why I’m here.”

“And who is this friend you brought with?” inquired Tong, gesturing at her great cat. “He is a beautiful beast.”

“She,” Namaari corrected. “Her name’s Grey.”

Grey had been staring intently at Tong, but had followed Namaari’s lead and remained where she was. Namaari scratched behind her ears, and Grey relaxed. “Go on, girl. Say hi.”

Grey walked up to Tong, keeping her eyes on him, and after a moment head-butted him in the leg. “Oof!” Tong exclaimed in apparent glee as he shifted against Grey’s weight. He held out his massive hand, and Grey began licking it. “It feels like sandpaper!” he whispered loudly.

Namaari chuckled and crossed her arms, watching the exchange.

Tong eventually stood, and Grey came back to Namaari’s side. “You are an honored guest in Spine! You must come and dine with my family - I insist. They must not be feeding you in Fang, we will have to fix that.” Namaari tried to protest, but Tong wouldn’t let her interrupt. “We fought side-by-side against the Druun! No battle-sister of mine will sleep in a barn while she visits our fine land.”

Namaari had no choice but to accept, though she was not all that upset by it. “Okay, okay, I will stay with you and your family. How are they?”

Tong motioned for her to follow, and they began walking through the streets of Spine. “It is so good to have them back. And now I am the eldest sibling, since my brother and sister did not age while they were stone!”

“I… hadn’t considered that,” Namaari admitted. Her family was small, and her mother had only been turned to stone briefly.

“It is a good thing. I can now tell them what to do,” Tong chuckled. “I have been home with them, so have not had time to visit. How is Fang?”

Namaari and Tong did not really have a relationship, but she was enjoying the banter regardless. “It’s… different. It’s hard to be a warrior who lives during a time of peace, you know?”

“Ahh, yes, I know this well. The world thinks of us only as fearsome warriors, that crush the skulls of our enemies. I am a father, of many children. I also smith metal, and I star in beauty contests. I am many things.”

Namaari doubted that last one, but she didn’t argue. “I’ve only ever known the Druun - I’ve only ever known fighting. Not fighting is harder than I expected.”

“Ah, that does make sense. Kumandra must be a very strange thing for you, then.”

“It is. I’m not sure how I feel about it. It makes me feel weak, and vulnerable. But at the same time, I know it is the right thing to do, for our people.”

“I feel that, in time, you will come to see the good of it. When a warrior is young, they wish to fight, and prove themselves. When a warrior is old, they fight to protect their family, and wish for peace. You are still young. It will take you some time to learn these things, but you will learn them.”

“I hope you’re right,” Namaari said with a hint of skepticism.

“Tell me, how are things with Raya?”

Namaari was taken aback. “Things? With Raya? There are no things. There’s nothing.”

“Ah. Is that so?” Tong asked, in a tone that suggested he didn’t believe her.

“Trust me, there’s nothing. She doesn’t want to speak to me. She doesn’t want anything to do with me. We haven’t spoken in months.”

“I have seen you two. I highly doubt she wants nothing to do with you.”

“Her actions would say otherwise.”

“Tell me, Namaari. You say that this new world we live in is hard for you, do you not?”

“It is,” she responded. ”I’m not used to not being on guard all the time.”

“And how do you think Raya feels?”

“About what? The world? She has her Ba back. That’s all she’s ever wanted.”

“And you don’t think this is hard for her, too?”

Namaari could see the obvious trick question, so chose not to answer, and stared at Tong instead.

“You had family these last 6 years to fall back on, did you not? Chief Virana?” Tong continued. “What did Raya have?”

“...she had nothing,” Namaari admitted.

“She had no one. You had a family to watch your back, to love you and protect you. And yet, it is still hard for you. Raya had none of those things. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for her.”

Namaari sat in silence with that realization for a moment. She had not considered that Raya would have problems with readjusting, too.

“So, you haven’t heard from Raya either?”

“No, I have not,” Tong replied. “I suspect she is busy fighting inner demons.” He raised a clenched fist to the air.

Namaari hadn’t expected that answer. Namaari had thought Tong and Boun and Sisu and the strange little baby were Raya’s found family. “Tong - when did you first meet Raya?”

“Me? Ha, I remember it well! It was the day you tried invading Spine!” That got a huge laugh from the giant warrior.

They walked for a moment in silence. That was not very long ago. Tong had really only just met Raya.

She had not expected such wisdom from Tong, either. “Since when did you get so smart, Tong?”

“Me?” beamed Tong. “I have always been this smart!”

Tong’s home was loud and chaotic. He and his wife lived in a large wooden lodge with their five children, as well as his brother and sister, and their families. Including grandparents, there were a good 20 people living under one house. It was hard for Namaari to fathom. She had grown up the only child of a single mother, and most of the guests in their home had been formal - generals, advisors, ambassadors. There were guards, but they generally left the two of them alone, and rotated regularly. Only she and her mother had lived in their home.

Namaari was not prepared for the chaos of a Spine home. Children were running everywhere, hitting each other with sticks and crying for a parent. Adults were working on preparing dinner, or telling stories, or entertaining or comforting children. From what she could tell, people did not have specific jobs - it wasn’t one person cooking, or one person preparing the table, or one person watching the children, or one person standing guard - the roles were much more fluid. How did anyone know what needed doing, if it wasn’t someone’s job to make sure everything got done? It was very foreign to her.

Tong had announced Namaari when they entered, and she had been deafened by a chorus of greetings. She spent the next hour entertaining the children with Grey. None of them had seen a great cat before, and were in awe (the family’s regular house cat had hissed and fled immediately). Grey loved the attention. She played with the children, knocking them prone with her huge paws, and let several of them crawl on her back. She pulled one of them close and started licking the child’s hair, to both shrieks and giggles.

Namaari was proud of her cat, and at the same time, jealous. Namaari felt a bit like an outsider in unfamiliar lands, but Grey had no problems adapting.

Dinner was at least familiar. One of the men called the children inside, and Grey was content to nap outside the front door. The smell of rendang daging overwhelmed her as she entered the house, and Namaari realized how hungry she was.

“Don’t worry,” Tong assured her, “we’ll feed the bones to Grey after we’re done in here.”

“Then she’ll eat like a queen!”

“That she will. Come, sit with us! Eat as much as you like, there is always more.”

Tong introduced her to those sitting closest to her. “Namaari, this is my brother Qui. He might be the stronger of the two of us, but I am the better looking one!” Tong’s toothy grin did little to back up his claim. Qui greeted her and crushed her hand in a handshake, and Namaari grimaced and was relieved when it was finally done.

“This is my sister, Jona. She might be the smarter of the two of us, but I am the better looking one!” Tong chuckled at his own joke again.

“Hardly!” exclaimed Jona, as she smacked Tong in the arm. “Welcome, Namaari, it’s good to meet you.” Jona was also large and looked strong, and Namaari’s hand was grateful she was sitting on the other side of the table.

“And this is my eldest Thalia. She clearly gets her good looks from me.” Tong had missed his calling as a bad comedian.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Thalia said. “You’re the girl who broke the world, aren’t you?”

Namaari scowled, and Jona must have seen the look on her face. “Yes, but she fixed it. And that’s what’s important.”

“Right,” responded Thalia, looking defensive. “But she did, didn’t she? Didn’t you?”

“You will learn this with time, daughter, and with experience,” Tong began, his tone more serious than before. “In combat, no one is perfect. You come to battle with a sore arm, or a twisted ankle. You didn’t sleep the night before. You train, you prepare. You make plans, but you cannot control everything. You must accept that.” Namaari felt called out, by both Tong and Thalia.

“No one is perfect,” Tong continued. “and no one expects perfect. You will make a mistake. An enemy will get behind your lines, and a comrade may fall. It’s inevitable. The important thing is - you fix your mistake. You strike down that enemy, you plug the hole in your line, you drag your friend to safety.” Tong leaned back and gestured at Namaari. “She broke the world when she was a kid. But the important thing is, she fixed it. She is more than that one mistake.”

“Hear, hear!” shouted Qui, and the room raised a toast in Namaari’s honor.

Namaari was floored, and moved to tears. She had not been expecting this sort of kindness on her visit to Spine. She had grown used to the “girl-who-broke-the-world” comments in her travels outside of Fang, but this was the first time a foreigner had stood up for her.

“Ha! Your face leaks!” exclaimed Tong, pointing at her, which surprisingly did not ruin the moment. Namaari couldn’t help but laugh.

Dinner passed quickly after that, and Namaari again noted the chaos that followed. It seemed like whoever was in the mood to clean picked up the dishes from the others and brought them to the kitchen. No one was in charge, and no one was organizing it, but it still happened.

Namaari did feel anxiety about it, about the lack of control she felt, but in a way being outside Fang helped. The expectation that she be in charge was not present. It took her until this moment to realize that expectation at home even existed, but thinking it through, it made a lot of sense. She was the chief’s daughter, she was a general, she was a princess. She was expected to lead, and be flawless. She was expected to make good decisions and ensure everyone’s safety, and she needed to be in control to do that. Though relaxing was difficult for her, here in Spine, she was not expected to do any of those things. It was unfamiliar, but it was also nice, in a way. She was just a passenger along for the ride

Namaari listened and participated in conversation, but she did not really feel present. Tong had given her a lot to think about with Raya, and her mind couldn’t help but wander. Still, she enjoyed the unexpected companionship. She had not come to Spine expecting community, but found herself enjoying it, despite being distracted.

But she was exhausted from travelling, and after a shared bottle or two of durian spirits, Namaari was ready to be done socializing. She was given a small room that some of the younger children slept in, who had been convinced to give it up in exchange for an evening in their parent’s bed.

Filled with thoughts, Namaari’s head was too full to sleep.

Apparently, Raya had only met Tong shortly before she had. She’d been expecting that Raya and her found family had survived the Druun together - that Raya had known them for years. But that wasn't the case. And if Raya hadn’t been talking to Tong, and it wasn’t a stretch to think she wasn’t talking to Boun. She might be in touch with Sisu, but to be perfectly honest, Sisu would be a terrible person (dragon?) to talk to about emotional trauma like this. If Raya wasn’t talking to any of them, then it was just her, her father, and her community at Heart. And pretty much everyone in Heart had been petrified that first night the world broke, so Raya was surrounded by people who had not endured the hardships of the last 6 years.

Namaari thought back to their last interaction. She thought Raya had been shying away from her, but she combed the memories of the days they’d spent together more closely. Raya had actually been reluctant to interact with anybody, not just Namaari. She’d barely spoken to anybody besides Namaari and Chief Benja. She’d been uncomfortable at community dinner even before Namaari had asked her to dance. The only time Raya hadn’t been agitated had been when she and Namaari were on walks outside the city.

It had never occurred to her that Raya was having difficulty adjusting, just like she was. If she wasn’t comfortable at home, and she wasn’t talking to the rest of her found family, maybe the fact that she wasn’t talking to her wasn’t personal.

Still, it was a lot to go on from a Spine warrior whose head, before today, Namaari had thought was a pile of rocks.

Namaari had her next destination in mind - she would find Boun and ask him about Raya. She didn’t know where Boun lived, and if Tong didn’t know, Talon had the most robust port of all the lands. If anybody knew where Boun and his congee restaurant / water taxi was, it would be someone in Talon.

The thought that Raya didn’t hate her guts made Namaari’s stomach twirl in excitement. She tried to suppress it - she didn’t know for sure what Raya was thinking. If she were in Raya’s shoes, she’d still be mad about everything that had happened between them. And Namaari was ready to apologize for that. What had been good for Fang had been bad for Raya, and that had hurt her deeply - she’d lost her entire family. Namaari didn’t regret her choice, but she did feel bad for the part she had played in hurting Raya.

It wasn’t a sure thing, but it seemed like there was a chance Raya hadn’t cut communication because she didn’t want to see Namaari. Maybe she had stopped communicating because she couldn’t cope with the world.

But first, she’d talk to Boun. And then maybe she’d talk to Sisu, though she had no idea where to find her. And if everything added up, then she’d go find Raya.

Raya woke, and it felt like a new day.

Well, that’s because it was a new day, but it also felt like a new day. She wasn’t feeling particularly refreshed - her neck was so stiff it was hard to move, and she hadn’t slept enough - but her head felt clear in a way it hadn’t in a long time.

Tuk Tuk was still asleep, so Raya started with a stretching routine to try to loosen her neck muscles. Besides, it gave her time to think, which is what she really wanted.

She was beginning to realize that she thrived on having a purpose. When her purpose had been getting her father back, she had literally changed the world. She hadn’t intended on saving anyone else - she had only wanted to save her father, and in doing so she had defeated the Druun and brought back the dream of Kumandra.

These last few months in Heart, Raya had had no purpose. She had had no goal. And so she clung to the past, gripping tightly, like she was afraid to let go of her father’s hand before jumping into a river. The problem was - her past had barbs. Her past was sharp, and clinging to it made her bleed. The barbs had sunk in, and it made letting go harder.

What Raya needed was a new goal. She needed something new to focus on. She needed to see that the river was full of adventure, and that jumping would be fun and exhilarating.

So what was it that Raya wanted?

This felt like a big question, a heavy question. An existential question. A question that would take a while to answer. Raya gave herself permission to not answer it today. She knew now why it had been so hard to adjust to life in Heart, and she wasn’t going to forget that any time soon. Figuring out how to solve the problem would take time. She wasn’t in a rush to get back to Heart - she had all the time she needed. She didn’t need to rush this, either.

She felt like having smaller, more attainable goals was probably a good idea. So she thought about what she wanted on a smaller scale.

Raya wanted to see her family again. Her found family.

She missed Boun. He was relentlessly positive, and had a way of getting past her hard outer shell like nobody else had. Boun had his family back, and when Raya had last seen him, he had said he was headed back to Talon to find them. Talon was closest to Tail, so Raya resolved to go there next.

She missed Tong. He was a walking contradiction, a fearsome warrior who was a lot softer on the inside than he let on. And he never tried to hide his softness, like Raya did - being soft didn’t detract from his desire to crush the skulls of his enemies. In a way, Tong was a role model for Raya. He showed her it was OK to have a soft side. Raya felt like she had lost hers in the trauma of the last few years.

She missed Noi, the little con baby. After leaving Fang, Tong had taken her back to Talon. She was back with her family now, and Raya was curious how she was doing. Talon would make a good next stop.

She missed Sisu. She’d come to visit Raya in Heart a few weeks ago, but it had been difficult to let go and relax enough to enjoy her presence. She had promised to check in sometime in a few weeks, so Raya still had some time to see everyone and get back to Heart.

And as conflicted as she felt about her, she missed Namaari, even after everything they’d been through. Namaari had hurt her deeply - she had taken her father from her, and she was the reason the last 6 years of Raya’s life had been a living hell. Namaari had been trying to make amends these last few months, but Raya had been too overwhelmed by her own problems to respond. It had been easier to keep her at a distance.

Raya hadn’t given Namaari much thought lately, but now that she did, she realized that, even after everything, she still missed her. They had formed an immediate connection when they were kids, and she could tell it was still there, even when they’d been trying to kill each other. What gave Raya hope is that, even though she was holding her at arm’s length, Namaari was still trying. She had still come to Heart on a number of occasions to visit. She hadn’t recently, but that wasn’t entirely her fault - Raya hadn’t been able to be a good friend lately.

Raya missed Namaari. They had history to work through, but she was hopeful they could talk it through, and move forward.

It was settled. Raya would go to Talon. After Talon, she would visit Spine. After Spine, she would visit Fang. After Fang, she would return home.

Raya woke Tuk Tuk with a good belly rub, then prepared breakfast for the two of them. Her good mood must have been contagious, because Tuk Tuk was even more playful than he normally was. Raya laughed at his antics - getting his head under Raya’s arm while she was trying to get his feed out of its sack, stomping around in the sand, slowly stalking a bug before spooking it into flight. He was unreasonably cute.

After breakfast, she packed everything into Tuk Tuk’s saddle bags, then headed in the direction of the Tail chief. Taking a boat to Talon would be the fastest way to get there, and she’d found that nearby port while fleeing Namaari, so she already knew where she was going.

With her bags packed, Raya set off through the desert. It was time to visit Boun.

Raya’s last trip to Talon by boat had been much faster, but then again, Sisu had helped the boat along for a good bit. She was a really strong swimmer, after all. The company last time had been infinitely better - the water taxi captain was not unpleasant, but she hadn’t clicked with him like she had Boun. The two made conversation to pass the time - it became quickly clear he knew of Raya, and had refused payment for the trip. Saving the world came with some perks, at least.

She arrived in Talon mid next day. She helped the captain tie down the ship at the dock, then she and Tuk Tuk disembarked. The captain gave her directions to the dockmaster - he was on one of the larger platforms, and all incoming boats reported to him. Raya figured he’d be the best person to help her locate Boun.

Raya made her way to the platform. She found a relatively empty spot to leave Tuk Tuk with some treats, then headed up to a man holding a clipboard who looked like he was in charge.

She waited for a moment to catch his attention. “Excuse me, sir, are you in charge here?”

“Yes,” he responded in an annoyed tone. “What do you need?”

“I’m looking for a kid. His name is Boun, he owns a ship - I think it’s called the Shrimp-orium? I think his parents came back, so they might be running it, now.”

The dockmaster looked up at her. “Boun? Seriously?” Raya didn’t understand his reaction. “Kid must be popular. Just had another woman here a minute ago, asking the same thing. As far as I know…”

Raya stopped listening. Someone else was looking for Boun? She was suddenly uneasy. She looked around, and spotted her immediately - Namaari, in her form-fitting linen tank top and dark brown leather pants. She was hard to miss, with a great cat at her side. The dock workers were giving her and her cat a wide berth.

Her hand immediately went to her sword. She couldn’t help it - it was a reflex. They’d been friendly lately, but the woman had been hunting her until only a few months ago, and with rolling through the desert recently those memories were still fresh in her mind. This is the woman who had betrayed her, who had broken the world, who had taken her father from her, and had killed Sisu. Raya couldn’t help but feel the anger building up in her.

Namaari’s eyes couldn’t believe what she was seeing - a giant Tuk Tuk on the docks, happily eating out of a sack. Where there was a giant Tuk Tuk, his owner couldn’t be far away. Namaari scanned the docks and spotted her immediately - Raya, in wide-brimmed hat and red travelling cloak. Namaari’s heart skipped a beat when she saw Raya’s hand on her sword and the look in her eyes. She was not happy to see Namaari. Out of reflex, Namaari’s hand went to her sword, too, but after a moment she let go. She wasn’t here to fight - she’d come here to find Boun, in hopes of working up the courage to talk to Raya again. This had just saved her some time.

Seeing Namaari let go of her sword, Raya let go of her own. She wasn’t here to fight. Of course she wasn’t - Raya was the only one still stuck in the past. This woman had hurt her, true, but Raya was trying to listen to her Sisu-shaped consciousness telling her - if you want to trust Namaari, you will have to start, even before you’re ready. She loosened her stance and tried to relax.

“Hey, Binturi,” she called out, in what she hoped was a playful tone. “Know a good place to get some congee in this town?”

“That’s not a very nice way to describe an old friend,” Namaari retorted. She kept her tone light, and saw Raya grin in response.

Namaari approached, and Raya felt her hands get a little sweaty. She was nervous. “What’re you doing in Talon?” she asked, once Namaari was closer.

“I, uh… I was sort of looking for you, actually.”

“You were looking for me? In Talon? You know I don’t live here, right?” She couldn’t help but tease, just a little.

Namaari chuckled softly. “No, no, I know that. I was coming to see Boun to see if he had heard from you. I was going to head to Heart after.”

“You were coming to Talon,” Raya asked slowly, “because you wanted to ask Boun… about me?”

Namaari blushed a deep shade of red. “I… you know, I was worried about you. I wanted to know if you were OK. And we weren’t really, you know, talking, so I wanted to check with your family, before I came and bothered you again.”

Raya was speechless for a moment. She hadn’t really given Namaari a second thought until a few days ago, but Namaari had clearly been thinking about her the last few months. She suddenly had butterflies in her stomach.

Namaari saw the look of shock on Raya’s face, and couldn’t quite figure out what it meant. Was it creepy? Had she just creeped her out? “So, I guess you saved me a trip! Because you’re here!” Oh my god, stop talking now. Namaari wanted to hide under a blanket. She felt so embarrassed, and it showed on her face.

After a few moments, Raya’s words started working again. “Well, um, yes, you did. I’m here now!” she made an exaggerated movement with her arms, and immediately regretted it. Smooth, Raya. Smooth.

“Could we go somewhere to talk?” Namaari ventured. She looked around at the bustling crowd of the docks. “Maybe somewhere quieter?”

Raya smiled. “I’d like that.”

The two made small talk while they walked through the city. Namaari had just been visiting Tong. She came by land, and had passed a beautiful memorial park right outside the old city gates. It had previously been home to the statues of those petrified by the Druun, and after they had saved the world, Dang Hu, the chieftess of Talon, had designated it a memorial garden. Talon was already starting to spread inland, and people stopped briefly to pay their respects whenever they passed through the park.

Raya explained how she was too restless to stay in Heart any longer, and that she’d been on the road. She had gone to Tail to visit the shipwreck where she’d found Sisu, and had just come by boat from a port in Tail.

“I have something for you!” Namaari exclaimed, stopping Raya in the middle of the busy street. Namaari started digging in her bag, and Raya looked around uncomfortably. Tuk Tuk and Grey were causing more of an obstruction than they were, but she still felt conspicuous.

Namaari produced Raya’s gold hair ring. “You lost this in Tail. I found it in the sand near Sisu’s shipwreck. I had been meaning to give it to you for a while now, but it was with my travel gear, and I kept forgetting it in Fang.”

It was Raya’s turn to turn bright red, and her stomach did a quick summersault. “Thank you,” she said quietly, and took the ring. She had noticed it was missing on the boat ride with Sisu and Boun to Talon, but had no idea where she’d lost it, and she’d thought it was gone forever.

Namaari and Raya found a bench in the memorial park off the main thoroughfare. The park was full of people, but not so crowded that they couldn’t have a semi-private conversation.

Tuk Tuk and Grey were a short distance away, trying to figure out what to make of each other. Tuk Tuk was huddled under his shell, peering out at Grey with his big eyes. Grey was inching closer, her tail slightly poofy. She slowwwwwwly raised her paw, held it aloft of a few seconds, and then tapped Tuk Tuk’s shell with it. He bounced and curled in a ball in surprise, and at the sudden movement Grey jumped a few feet into the air and scampered backwards. A small child watching the two shrieked in delight.

“So,” Namaari began, “I wanted to ask… how have you been doing?”

Raya grimaced and touched her neck, where it was still sore. “To be perfectly honest… not great. It’s been really hard, and I’ve been struggling to fit into a life that’s not on the road. And I feel bad about that, you know? Because I got my Ba back, and it’s still hard.” Raya shrugged. “So, I’ve been on the road the last week, trying to clear my head.”

Namaari smiled. “I think I know what you’re talking about. I’ve been having trouble letting go, too. My mom scolded me for being too hard on my students. I’m so caught up in protecting everyone from the Druun, it’s hard to remember that they're gone.”

“Are you kidding me? I knocked myself off of Tuk Tuk a few days ago because I thought I saw a Druun!”

“Are you serious?!” Namaari laughed, nudging Raya with her elbow.

“Hey! Careful! Damaged goods over here!” Raya exclaimed.

“Oof, mood,” responded Namaari. “Sometimes I don’t feel like I fit in the world anymore.”

Raya’s eyes got big. “I don’t, either. It’s been so hard in Heart lately.”

“I was wondering that. I was just visiting Tong in Spine, and he was worried about you.”

“He was? How is he?”

“Surprisingly good,” Namaari responded. “Way better adapted than you and me.”

“That seems exceedingly unfair.”

“Tell me about it. The man plays it off like he’s as dumb as rocks, but he knows a thing or two about how the world works.”

“Do you think it’ll get any easier?” Raya asked tentatively. “Do you think we’ll be fit for the world again?”

Namaari chuckled and sighed at the same time. “I do. If that Spine ragehead can find peace, it has to be somewhere out there for us, too.”

There was a lull in the conversation, and Namaari fidgeted with her fingers. She wanted to broach the topic of apologizing to Raya, but it was big. What if Raya wouldn’t forgive her? What if this ended up being the last time they spoke? Namaari didn’t want it to end.

Raya interrupted her thinking. “Here, it looks like you could use this.” She handed Namaari a small fidget spinner. Namaari took it, and spun the wooden toy a few times. It made a satisfying twirling sound. “A merchant on the edge of Tail gave this to me. It helps take my mind off of things.”

Namaari stared at her for a few moments, speechless. She was scared, but this was not the kind of treatment she’d be getting from someone who never wanted to see her again. She took a deep breath.

“Dep la, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

Raya’s heart did a small somersault. She was suddenly nervous. She turned to Namaari, giving her her full attention.

“I don’t think I ever really apologized for my part in things, and how I hurt you. I’m really sorry.”

Tears came to Raya’s eyes.

“When we were kids… I was doing what I thought was best. I wasn’t thinking at the time about how it might hurt you, and it cost you your Ba. I’m really sorry that I’m the one who took him from you.”

Raya’s hand sought hers, and that gave Namaari the courage to continue.

“I didn’t really think about how my actions were hurting you. I was so wrapped up in thinking I should do what was right for Fang, above all else. I wish I had taken your feelings into consideration, too.” Hand squeeze. Namaari looked up, and Raya was crying freely now. She squeezed in response.

“When you came to Fang, and you decided to put your trust in me… I broke that trust, and that got Sisu killed. I regret that, and I am sorry. I didn’t know at the time how hard it was for you to trust, and how much faith you had placed in me by coming to me like that. I regret it, dep la, and I wish every day I could change that.”

Namaari held Raya’s hand and let her cry for a while.

“Thank you for saying that,” she said after a few moments. “I’ve been finding it really hard to move on from the past, and this was a big part of it. It was really nice to hear you say those words. I needed this.”

Namaari squeezed her hand in a show of support. “I know it will take time, but I’d like to make it up to you.”

Raya squeezed back. “I’d really like that.”

Namaari looked into her eyes. Maybe it was the elation talking, that her apology had gone over well and that it looked like Raya wanted her in her life, still. Maybe she was reading the signs too much - them holding hands, how close Raya was sitting to her. Namaari felt eyes on her and glanced over at Tuk Tuk and Grey, who had been staring at the two of them very intently but quickly averted their eyes. She looked back at Raya, and even though she was crying, she couldn’t help but feel like the moment was right. She decided to take a risk, and use her words to ask for her wants and needs.

“I’d really like to kiss you right now,” she said timidly.

Raya’s eyes went big. Her stomach had done so many somersaults at this point, it was freewheeling. Namaari wanted to kiss her. Her.

“I’d really like that,” she said again.

Namaari tentatively grabbed Raya by the waist, and pulled her close. Raya’s hands went to Namaari’s neck. Her heart was racing; Namaari’s skin was so soft, and she was so close, she could feel how warm she was. Her waist tingled where Namaari was touching her. The two stared into each other’s eyes for a moment that felt like it lasted forever. Raya couldn’t help but smile through the tears. Her hand wandered to the back of Namaari’s neck, where her undercut felt fuzzy under her fingers, and pulled her close.

The two kissed for a long moment, and then embraced.