Chapter Text
Kageyama was a second-year when he first heard the words beach volleyball in regards to Hinata.
It had been a passing thought. Just one of the crazy ideas Hinata has. So fleeting and meaningless that Kageyama had brushed it off as a joke. I mean, he couldn't be serious, right?
Wrong.
Kageyama's third-year at Karasuno was one of those periods in his life he knows he'll remember vividly until the day he dies. So little, yet at the same time, so much happened.
Kageyama was promoted to vice-captain and was gifted the jersey donning the number 2, which was three numbers lower than Hinata's, which had been an amazing way to start the year.
He was scouted by not one, not two, but multiple professional teams in Japan, as well as the Japan National Team. The team that seemed the most promising was the Schweiden Adlers.
The part Kageyama remembers most vividly though, is all the time he had spent with Hinata by his side.
Every practice, late nights running along the now-familiar mountain path that leads to Hinata's house. Meeting his family, his younger sister...
Watching Hinata fly through the sky, ever higher, to spike Kageyama's toss.
Kageyama may never forget that sight for as long as he lives, and he doesn't want to. He wants to see that blinding smile and those fiery eyes by his side for the rest of his life.
But all that came to a screeching halt, all his dreams and hopes for his future burning to ashes around him, standing in front of Sakanoshita's store, of all places.
His entire torso now coated in the sticky remnants of the popsicle he had been happily enjoying only a moment ago.
He had just finished buying the first-years snacks after a successful practice, when Tadashi had shattered his hopes as easily as glass.
They hadn't meant any malice, the opposite actually. They were simply making conversation, they’d had no intention of uncovering a lie that had been hidden from Kageyama for months.
"Yeah, Shoyo-san's meeting ran late, but he says he finally found a beach volleyball league!"
Tobio's heart skidded to a halt.
"Yeah, where?" Kei's voice felt like it was muffled by cotton. Tobio rubbed at his ear, but found nothing obstructing his hearing. Strange.
Kageyama's lungs felt tight all of a sudden, and his heart was racing, but he didn't need to be a master of emotion to know it was not in a good way.
"In Rio de Janeiro. I mean, Brazil! Brazil!"
The worst part of all of this is that Tobio hasn't the faintest idea where that is.
It sounds foreign, and that is the problem.
Kageyama vaguely registers someone calling his name as he sprints off into the night, but the only thing he can do is run.
He wants... no, needs to be alone for a while.
It's always been what he's good at anyway.
—
Hinata is getting worried.
He has been waiting at the base of the mountain for nearly an hour, at he and Kageyama's meetup spot, but there has been no sign of the setter.
He hasn't answered any of his messages either.
It's not like this behavior is uncommon, especially since it's Kageyama, the most socially inept person Hinata's ever known.
But it's not like him to completely cut him off like this. Especially when they had plans to meet.
So instead of waiting around, Hinata typed out a quick text, u bttr let me in whn i get thr bakayamayama >:(
He hadn't dressed for the chill of the night, and Hinata shivered even as he hurried down the streets he has grown so familiar to over the years.
The only sound to break the peaceful silence were his steady breaths, and his footfalls on the pavement.
When he arrived, the house was dark.
Hinata shivered again, but this time it wasn't from the chill. Tobio's house gave off an eerie aura, which was nothing like the cozy feeling Hinata normally got from the building.
The gate was ajar, swinging loosely in the wind.
For a brief moment, Hinata considered the idea of a burglar or a serial killer, but quickly dismissed it. Those thoughts would only cause him to panic.
The front door opened before Hinata even had the chance to knock, and Shoyo was embarrassed of the animalistic squeak that was pulled out of him.
Thankfully, it was only Tobio.
"You scared me!" Hinata laughed, running his fingers through his hair self-consciously. "For a second I thought-"
He froze when he finally got a close look at Tobio in front of him.
He looked angry, yes, but Hinata has had three years of analyzing Kageyama Tobio, so he noticed the pain instantly.
He reached out toward him, his name on the tip of his tongue, when Tobio recoiled, his gaze flashing with something dark and twisted that had no place on Tobio's face.
"Yama-"
"Brazil?!"
Shit.
Whatever expression Shoyo was making, it only seemed to hurt Tobio more, and Hinata's hair stuck out on end, feeling cornered.
Kageyama clicked his tongue, and disappeared into the house without even acknowledging Hinata on his doorstep.
Hinata had never meant to keep it from him.
Kageyama was... Kageyama.
He was the one and only person who seemed to fully and completely accept him, to love him without question or condition.
Kageyama took his inexperienced, awkward agility and gave it purpose. He helped Shoyo to see the euphoria of victory for the first time. In all sense of the word, Kageyama saved him.
But with everything that Kageyama did for him, he also was the only obstacle still keeping him from becoming the player he wants to be.
Hinata wants to learn everything. He wants to be able to meet Kageyama on the same playing field... Without Kageyama.
Hinata wants to prove he doesn't need Kageyama to play on the same team. And beach volleyball is the fastest path to that future.
Hinata sighed, slowly stepping through the door, making sure to shut it behind him, pausing for a brief moment to lean against the door.
He had no idea what he was going to do now. He hadn't thought this far ahead.
"Pardon the intrusion." He muttered quietly to the empty house. Shoyo knew Kageyama's parents were both working, and his sister had moved to the city earlier this year.
Kageyama had always been lonely, and Hinata can feel it leaking from the walls in this neat house.
But as Shoyo walked the familiar route leading up to Kageyama's room, he noted the amount of photos that had slowly accumulated over the years.
A selfie of Tobio and his sister after their last defeat to Inarizaki. He looked so scary, but even that made Hinata's heart flutter.
Every team photo Tobio pretends not to keep. As the time passed, Tobio relaxed, and it was clear in the way he slowly began smiling.
At the top of the stairs, next to the landing, Shoyo stopped in his tracks, his eyes catching a photo he had never seen before.
It seemed to be taken recently, and Hinata's breath caught in his throat.
It was a photo of him.
He was slumped over a packet of volleyball strategies, probably after a late night of practice. His hair was sticking up in all directions, and he was curled around Tobio's arm like a lifeline.
Tobio didn't seem bothered by the uncomfortable position, he was intensely focused on his journal, and there was a wicked-looking Tadashi in the corner of the frame.
All of the sudden, Hinata slumped against the wall, his head spinning.
He didn't want to go to in there.
He didn't want to leave.
He doesn't want to let Tobio go.
Tobio's bedroom was as immaculate as always, because of the little amount of time the setter actually spent in it.
Tobio was laid out on his bed, tossing a volleyball over his head again and again. It sent a clear message that Tobio had nothing to say to Hinata.
Shoyo bowed his head and shuffled into the room. It took all of the energy he could muster to keep from running away.
But this had to happen sometime, he couldn't put off the inevitable any longer.
The sound of the volleyball hitting Kageyama's hands was deafening in the silence, and Hinata resisted the urge to flinch.
"'Yama?"
The tossing stopped abruptly, and Hinata watched with horror as Kageyama's face seemed to crack and sadness flooded his expression.
"Tch"
Kageyama threw the volleyball into the corner of his room, into a basket with (irritatingly) perfect accuracy, before turning to lie on his side, facing away from Hinata.
Silence fell over the room again, neither brave enough to fill the silence.
They could both sense the finality in the awaiting conversation, and they didn't want to have it.
Hinata Shoyo has been in love with Kageyama Tobio for nearly three years.
After months of pain and heartbreak and suffering, he thought he had acheived the impossible when his feelings became requited.
Still, not a second goes by that Hinata doesn't want to be the one by his side. Their relationship may have changed, but that one simple fact did not.
But even Hinata wasn't so stupid to realize what he would be sacrificing in order to play volleyball.
And it was more than just Japan.
Hinata took a seat on the ground next to Kageyama's bed, where he still refused to look at him. Hinata leaned against the bed, his body facing away from the setter.
"I wanted to tell you. Honest." He received no response, so after a moment, he continued. "At first, I just wanted to play beach volleyball-"
He began to spew out all the nonsense he's been hiding for months. It was far too easy to recall every little detail, considering how habitual it had become to keep it hidden.
Shoyo has always found Tobio to be easy to talk to, but the silence felt heavier, somehow.
Yet he kept talking, and hoped his words weren't falling on deaf ears.
At some point during his ramblings, Kageyama had sat up, leaning against the wall so he could look at Hinata's soft orange curls, which were now cropped much shorter than the unkempt mess of his first-year.
"When were you planning on telling me?"
Shoyo found no relief from the words. Tobio's tone was so cold, it seemed to suck all the air from the room. Shoyo could hardly breathe.
"Did you even want me to find out? Or were going to leave without saying anything?" Kageyama's voice began to shake, revealing his true emotions beneath the anger. "What happened to being by my side forever-"
Every word struck like a dagger, until Hinata was a bleeding lump of flesh in front of Tobio. Eventually, he couldn't keep quiet any longer.
"I was scared!" Hinata shouted, spinning around to face Kageyama's glare with his own tear-filled expression. Kageyama's face immediately faltered, fear trickling into his expression. "I... I wasn't ready for it to be true."
The only thing that scares Kageyama more than Hinata in his life, is if Hinata isn't in his life.
When Hinata had vowed to beat him one day, Kageyama had overlooked one fatal factor: no matter how long it takes.
"Why?" Kageyama didn't even know what his question was referring to, so it was a miracle that Hinata answered it.
But not before crawling onto the bed to curl up in Kageyama's arms like a tiny child.
Hinata had expected to be violently rejected, so when two strong arms wrapped him up in a desperate embrace, he couldn't stop the flow of tears down his cheeks.
He buried his head in Kageyama's neck, surrounding himself with the comforting scent of pine wood and rain and Tobio.
Minutes passed in tense silence, Hinata clinging tightly to Kageyama, and Kageyama waiting patiently for Hinata's response.
Eventually, Hinata pulled his head out of the crook of his boyfriend's neck, settling against his chest with a weak breath.
"I want to do everything."
Kageyama hated this.
He hated the way Hinata was looking at him.
He hated the determinant fire brewing in those honey-brown eyes.
He hated the way there was truth to Hinata's words.
He hated how much his boyfriend wanted to spread his wings and fly to a place Kageyama could never follow.
He didn't want the best thing in his life to willingly walk away with only the promise of one day, I'll catch up.
Because if Hinata leaves, and goes to this new place with its foreign people and beach volleyball, he will find someone better than Kageyama.
He will forget all about their promise, and Kageyama can't lose him too.
Hinata had leapt into his life at a time when Kageyama was so alone. He had slipped and fallen deep into a dark, dark abyss. One that seemed to swallow all the light, leaving him completely trapped, fumbling around in the dark.
Then the sun returned, completely blinding and so warm, and Kageyama was able to claw his way out, only to be welcomed with open arms and bright smiles.
But now the sun was leaving again, for two whole years.
"Stay." Kageyama muttered weakly, already knowing he would not. It was his goodbye.
As much as he wanted to keep Hinata by his side, he knew he could not. It would be just cruel to keep Hinata from his dream, to keep him from learning to fly on his own.
The world deserves to see the sun, and Kageyama is not so evil to deprive them of him.
—
Hinata yawned, as he stepped off the train, his small carry-on luggage in hand. It is the same carry-on that Hinata has been living out of for weeks, since a majority of his belongings have already been shipped to his new home on the other side of the world.
The other side of the world.
It is difficult to comprehend distance before you have really travelled, but those words cause an awful taste in his mouth.
Tomorrow he will be on a flight taking him to the other side of the world.
Tomorrow he and Kageyama will be in completely different worlds for the first time since they met four years ago.
Hinata shakes his head, clearing away the thoughts before they could sink in. It's no use thinking about unnecessary things, or Hinata will cave and stay in Japan, and he will lose any chance of catching up to Kageyama in this lifetime.
He has exhausted all his options in Japan. You just can't make up years of training and experience through conventional methods.
So to Brazil he must go, and pray that Kageyama will be here when he gets back.
But that is wishful thinking.
Two years is far too long to wait for someone, especially Hinata "selfish ex-boyfriend who moved away without even considering his feelings" Shoyo.
He couldn't put Kageyama through the pain of long-distance, not for two years. It would be an unneeded distraction for the both of them, and it would only hurt more later.
Feelings aside, this needed to be done.
Hinata could handle the heartbreak of knowing the love of his life was seeing new people, as long as he protected him from the pain that Hinata had caused.
But that didn't prepare Hinata for seeing Kageyama for the first time in nearly three months, and his heart nearly bursting through the cheesy Vabo-chan graphic of his t-shirt at the sight.
His flight was booked at an airport in Tokyo, Japan, and so Hinata had travelled from Miyagi to the bustling city of Tokyo, where Kageyama had offered up his apartment for the night, and Hinata had gratefully accepted.
But seeing Kageyama, physically broader from the muscle gain, wearing a pair of tight-fitting sweatpants, his hair still dripping from a shower, Hinata nearly passed out in the doorway.
If Kageyama noticed Hinata's strange reaction, he didn't comment on it, stepping aside for Hinata to walk in.
"Oi, don't touch anything. I don't want your filthy fingerprints on everything I own."
That comment only made Hinata want to touch everything.
To leave a mark on Kageyama's things, something he will find at some point in the future and sigh affectionately and-
"Oi, are you listening?" Hinata jumped in surprise. He raised a hand to the back of his neck and chuckled awkwardly.
Kageyama raised a hand as if to slap him, and Hinata just scurried past him to retrieve his suitcase.
"Sorry, yamayam-" Hinata froze, the familiar nickname dying on his tongue.
It was the name he had referred to Kageyama while they were dating, because it had pissed him off, but eventually he grew quite fond of it. But now, the nickname felt wrong given the status of their relationship.
Given the way Kageyama's expressionless stare broke as his eyes widened in surprise, he'd unfortunately recognized the nickname.
Great start, you idiot.
Kageyama lead him into the apartment, showing him the bathroom and where the extra futon was, all with a heartbreakingly-sullen look in his eyes.
This was going to be a long night.
After the tour of his apartment (if you could even call it that since he didn't actually show him anything), Kageyama disappeared into his room to change.
The fledgling pro-volleyball player had a packed schedule full of interviews, photoshoots, followed by practice so Kageyama's apartment would be empty until the evening.
Thankfully, Hinata already had plans to meet up with Kenma, so he wouldn't be all alone in Kageyama's empty apartment.
"What are you planning on doing today?" Kageyama's voice startled Hinata, who had been in the process of changing clothes as well.
Hinata tried to ignore the way the heat rushed to his face at Kageyama catching him shirtless, and hurried to pull his favorite long-sleeve running shirt over his body.
"I'm meeting Kenma!"
Kageyama's stomach roiled at the thought of Hinata spending his day with Nekoma's former setter, and also Kageyama's biggest rival. Kenma, who was never friendly with anyone, was far too friendly with Hinata, and Kageyama was always wary of him.
But Kageyama had no say anymore, because they haven't seen each other in months, and they haven't been together in over a year.
Time will heal, they always say. But that is bullshit considering the way Kageyama's heart leapt into his throat when he opened the door to meet Hinata's ever-comforting gaze.
The only thing time seemed to do was make him miss his partner more.
It took nearly all of his mental strength to keep his body from reacting on its own and kissing that patch of skin just below his ear, where he knows Hinata is tickilish. Or the pads of his fingers, rough and calloused from years of playing volleyball. God, he wants to kiss him so bad.
But instead he kept his mouth shut and his gaze on anything but the sunshine currently grinning up at him, trying to ignore the way his heart was racing faster than it does after a match, when his adrenaline is highest.
"I will be done by 7." Kageyama forced his mouth to speak, but the words felt strange on his tongue, like in the time since Hinata's arrival, he had completely forgotten how to speak.
"I'll see you tonight, Kageyama-kun?"
Kageyama just nodded wordlessly, following Hinata out the door. As Kageyama locked the door, he watched his bright orange silhouette started jogging off into the distance, and he could do nothing but watch.
Kageyama cursed, banging his head on the door.
This was officially the worst idea he's ever had.
In what universe did he think he would be able to handle his ex-boyfriend (who he is still wildly in love with) sleeping in his apartment, seeing him smiling and so happy without him.
These next two years are going to be a nightmare.
—
"One time I asked Kuroo what he thought love was." Kenma's voice was soft, completely uninterested in the conversation. He spoke as if he were stating a fact, like the weather or what he'd eaten for lunch.
"What'd he say?" Hinata pressed the bored gamer, earning him a sigh.
"If you truly love someone, you only want them to be happy," In a surprising turn of events, Kenma paused his game, turning his steely gaze to meet Hinata's distraught expression.
Hinata had hoped a day with Kenma would be an amazing distraction, to keep his mind from the monster that was his feelings for Kageyama.
Feelings that, even after a year apart, had not faded.
But it seems most of their time spent at Kenma's home was spent discussing the raven-haired setter that he was pretending he definitely didn't still have feelings for.
His heart ached whenever he thought about the setter, and how successful he had become without Hinata by his side. It was painful, but it cemented the fact that he needed to leave.
He needed to cut off the wings he had been developing with Kageyama, and learn to fly with new wings that are all his own. He'll never truly be Kageyama's equal if he can't.
Kenma seemed to notice Hinata's broken expression, because he smiled in a perfectly-Kenma way, which was no more than an upward twitch of his lips.
"You want them to be happy," Kenma repeated after he had the orange-haired boy's attention. "Even if it's not with you."
Kenma's words stuck with him for the rest of the day, until they were spinning around in his head as he sat down with onigiri for dinner that night, Kageyama beside him.
It wasn't awkward, not exactly.
They were making conversation- about their days, what Kageyama's interview had been like, his team and his feelings about the upcoming season...
But they both seemed to notice there was tension hidden beneath their words, bubbling beneath their skin and screaming that something is different.
And that was more painful than the fact that in less than twenty-four hours, Hinata would be on a plane to Brazil for two whole years.
Hinata, ever the socialite, rambled on, about everything and nothing.
The words tumbled out of his mouth with no real meaning, they just polluted the atmosphere and only accelerated the tension in the room.
And eventually, even he ran out of things to say, and the room plunged into silence, the only sound being the quiet murmur of the television.
Kageyama, whose mood had only worsened from that morning, just ate his onigiri as an excuse to stay silent.
He had lost his appetite shortly after returning to his apartment to find Hinata waiting outside the door, looking just as nervous as he felt.
He hated how awkward things had become, but Kageyama figured it had something to do with his own strange behavior.
Surely, Hinata has noticed by now.
Noticed that the way Kageyama felt about him hadn't changed, even after a year apart.
It was incredibly sad to see Kageyama, a pro-volleyball player in the prime of his life, pining after a 5'7" human tangerine whose mental age is probably not even in the double digits.
Kageyama's whole body seemed to ache with the urge to wrap his arms around him, and he was milliseconds away from just giving in and letting it happen when Hinata suddenly shot to his feet.
He spun on his heels to face Kageyama, rice sticking to the side of his mouth, and before he could even register what was happening Hinata had smacked him upside the head, then scurried away.
"Oi, you dumbass!" Kageyama immediately took the bait, jumping to his feet to chase after the orange blur that was running down the hall towards his bedroom.
Hinata had hoped it would bring back the Kageyama he knew, but he had forgotten one tiny detail- how angry he would be.
Kageyama's whole body seemed to glow with anger as he chased Hinata down the hall, and Hinata immediately forgot his original plan and instead began running for his life.
Hinata tried to barricade himself in the first room he came across, but he realized his second mistake- he had tried to lock himself in Kageyama's bedroom.
Now his cheeks were on fire, and his legs felt a lil weak, which gave Kageyama an overwhelming advantage.
The door slammed open, and Hinata yelped as he slowly backed away from Kageyama's terrifying form.
"Demon-yama!" He whined as Kageyama caught up to him, Kageyama's hand coming to grab painfully at his scalp. "Ow! Kageyama! Stop Owow-"
Kageyama ignored him, pulling him back out into the living room by his fluffy hair and only relenting once they reached the couch.
Hinata, who was still blushing fiercely, could only gaze up at the setter, who still looked rather angry, his forehead furrowed in thought.
"If you wanted attention," Kageyama spoke, before letting himself fall on top of Hinata on the couch, causing a winded gasp from the boy below him. "You could have just asked."
"Wha-" Hinata's head was spinning. Mostly because Kageyama had knocked all the air from his body, but also because Kageyama was laying on him. "What?!"
"Shut up," Kageyama grumbled, shifting slightly for a more comfortable position, his face buried in Hinata's sweatshirt. "You can't lie to me, remember?"
In reality, it was Kageyama who had wanted attention. More than anything. But he would never be caught dead admitting that aloud.
So every time Hinata tried to protest, Kageyama cut him off, while enjoying this last moment with him. For years, maybe even ever.
He tried to not to think about anything other than the comforting feeling of Hinata wrapped up in his arms, right now, in this moment.
They fell asleep like this, a tangle of limbs, blankets, and heartstrings. Both of them had stupidly come to the conclusion that what they were doing had some kind of platonic explanation, even though it definitely did not.
Kageyama couldn't sleep.
He would doze off every few hours, but then his brain would snap awake, leaving him blinking dumbly, his irritation growing.
He felt like a first-year again, waking up at training camps to Hinata sprawled on his futon.
But Kageyama wasn't a high school student anymore, and neither was Hinata. He was an up and coming volleyball player in the highest division in Japan, and he was being considered for the Japan National Olympic Team.
And Hinata was going to Brazil.
When Kageyama opened his eyes, for a moment he was met with darkness. But his eyes adjusted, and suddenly there was the familiar view of Hinata's sleeping face inches from his own.
It was a view that had been haunting him in his dreams for months, and Kageyama had to fight back the urge to press his lips to the sleeping boy's forehead.
Instead, he brushed his fingers over his cheek as gently as he could, careful not to wake him. He absentmindedly explored Hinata's face with his fingers- his cheeks, the edge of his jaw, the bridge of his nose, his lips.
Kageyama didn't want to lose him. He didn't care if he would never be able to kiss him again, as long as he came back to him. Kageyama doesn't want to wait for Hinata only for him to leave him behind for someone new.
Kageyama was an idiot, but even he knew that Hinata Shoyo was his person. His one person.
After a year of distance, he loved Hinata Shoyo as much as he loved volleyball.
Volleyball hasn't been just volleyball since his third-year at Kitagawa Daiichi. Since he faced the monster king that was the sunshine in his arms, volleyball has been combined and merged with him.
Volleyball isn't volleyball without Hinata Shoyo.
Kageyama isn't Kageyama without Hinata Shoyo.
Kageyama leaned down, his lips brushing again Hinata's ear as he whispered as softly as he could,
"You better come back to me, dumbass. I'll be waiting for you." He paused as Hinata stirred in his sleep. "I never knew you were such a selfish creature, hina-san."
Kageyama buried his face in that unnaturally soft head of orange curls, and drifted into a restless sleep.