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“Alright, Alright!” Jared starts, already grinning.
“Welcome back to the best thing ever, because it includes me, The Jared Show!” He plays a jingle, snickering slightly at Alana's eye roll.
“And today, my dearest friend will be joining me, Zoe! She's a mythic bitch.” Zoe shakes her head and hides her smile.
“Why aren't you normal?”
“Normal is boring, next question-”
“Is there any way to escape this?”
“Nope!
Anyways, today I'll bless you with my voice by complaining about the new Dune movie, Did you watch that yet?
Because if not, good. It sucked.” Zoe can be heard sighing in the background, Alana just gives them a thumbs up.
“I don't know, man, it just-
It was boring, really boring.”
“He means the pacing was slow.”
“Zoe can't handle me critiquing it since she has a huge crush on Timothee.”
“I said he looked nice one time-”
“Anyways, It was just really lacking the fun aspect.
Two and a half hours of nothing but serious characters spouting serious lines in serious situations in a serious sand-filled planet that has butthole worms in it-”
“Jared, what?-”
“Shut up, you know they looked like ass.
Too little happens in too much time!”
“I do agree the pacing was slow but it wasn't that bad!”
“Simp.”
Zoe scoffs.
“Visually? It was amazing if you like sand,” He snickers “but seriously, it's beautiful.
But it's not a picture to gaze upon, a movie is supposed to have more than just visuals! It has so much potential, but they honestly wrecked it with the show-off.
"Look! We have CELEBRITIES! AND VISUALS! SURELY THAT'S ALL WE NEED TO MAKE THIS! ”
Jared crosses his arms, coughing slightly after the exaggerated impression.
“It just wasn't enough for me, we'll see what happens with part two.”
“I liked it!” Zoe starts, glaring at Jared. “The acting was good, accurate to source, stunning and again, it's just part one, obviously a little slow, it's just the introduction, And-”
Zoe then proceeded to give her own opinion. (Read: Gush about Timothee Chalamet for way too long) And they decided it was enough.
Jared sends Evan the preview, already knowing what his response is going to be.
i seriously don't know how you have an audience.
> i have superiour opinions, duh!
you just repeated the same thing for half an hour!
> they'll love it.
yeah..They will. Need help editing?
> do you promise not to add in your stupid comments?
no
> u a bitch
and you can't spell. Need help?
> will you do it for free?
make me lunch for a week.
> deal
without burning it.
> no promises.
Jared smiles, giving Connor a quick wave when he enters the studio.
“Connor! Here to pick her up?”
“I'm here to save her from your torture chamber.”
“You've been on my show one time-”
“I've been traumatized for life.”
“You're exaggerating.”
“I couldn't sleep!”
“You're insomniac.”
“Touche.” Connor ruffles Jared's hair, he knows it pisses Jared off.
Zoe laughs as Jared scrambles to get Connor's hands away, giving Alana a quick goodbye hug.
“Thanks for everything, Alana, You're saving Jared's ass over here.”
Alana opens her mouth to reply but-
“Hey! My ass is perfectly fine without her!” (“What ass?”) (“You're flatter than me!”)
“You're welcome, Jared,” Alana says warmly. “It's nothing, Zo! I enjoy this.”
Connor, after playfully pushing Jared, walks towards Alana and Zoe.
“Did you make a lasagna?”
“A vegan one, yes!”
Connor makes a victory sound.
“Leave some for me, you pig-!” Zoe immediately tries shooing Connor away while Alana chuckles.
Jared rolls his eyes, stretching over his chair.
“How much backlash am I gonna receive for not liking it?”
“Not too much, but some people won't be happy,” Alana says before Jared even finished his sentence
He shrugs. “Eh, good enough.”
“I'm gonna cancel Jared on Twitter.” Zoe chirps.
~~~
Evan hums, replaying the video.
“I think this is good.”
“Fuck yeah, now I just have to think of a topic for the next one,” Jared says, fully aware he'll never come up with one.
Evan sighs.
“They seem to like you reacting to Minecraft updates, a new one just got released.”
Jared nods. “Yeah, but they only really like it when you join me in those.”
“You just wanna make me work for you, don't you?”
“Two weeks' worth of lunch.”
Evan can't help but laugh at that. “Fine, but you better make things I like.”
~~~
Evan, the idiot, got sick. So now Jared's sitting with a very miserable Connor.
“I'll pay you to let me go home.”
“Nah, you're staying, they've missed you.”
Connor shakes his head.
“They just like it when you talk less.
What are we doing today?”
“Minecraft frogs.”
“There are no frogs in Minecraft?”
“That's the thing! Yet! They're coming to Minecraft!!”
“How are we going to talk about frogs that don't exist yet?”
“Would you prefer to talk about two pixels called fireflies?” Jared smirks, nudging Connor with his shoulder.
“I'd prefer if you shut up.”
“This is The Jared Show, Connor, it's illegal for me to shut up.”
“What about be gay do crime?”
Jared scoffs.
“You dare use my own spells against me, Potter?”
Connor groans loudly.
“I don't think I've ever hated talking to someone this much.”
“You love me.”
“I really, really don't.”
Jared laughs at that.
“See? People love this shit, we're fun!”
Connor can't help but smile.
“You're a fucking idiot. What is it about the frogs you wanted to talk about?”
“They look like you.”
Connor makes a questioning noise.
“High.”
“I fucking hate you.”
This goes on...For a while. A good while.
Alana can be heard making disappointed noises from behind the camera throughout the whole thing, which usually just makes Jared laugh harder.
When they're done there's a lot to cut.
Connor gets healed mentally with chocolate chip cookies. While Jared sneaks up behind Evan.
“So! Whatcha think?” He snickered at Evan's jump.
“You guys should never be allowed in the same room ever again.”
“Why so harsh?”
“It's two hours long, Jared.”
Jared blinks. Whoa.
“New record!”
Evan sighs while shoving a water bottle into Jared's hand.
“You're an idiot.
Drink this.”
Jared shrugs, still smiling.
“Come on! It's entertaining!”
Evan grabs a cookie to himself, walking to a more secluded area with Jared.
He..Can't eat with others around.
“I'm not editing that alone.”
“I'll help you!”
“All your help is adding a clown filter.”
“It's editing!”
Evan giggles slightly.
“I can't believe you actually have people who watch these.”
“You say that every time!”
Evan laughs at Jared's expression.
“You weren't really sick, were you?”
“Your show kinda sucks, Jared.”