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It’s a bright, colourful day and MJ has smiled more today than she has in the past two weeks. It’s bizarre, feeling grateful or anything other than solemn when she’s at a funeral. But she figures that’s just the effect May Parker had on people. People can’t be down when they’re talking about the things she did, or the ways she made them laugh.
The only thing missing - is Peter. MJ wasn’t expecting him to be front and centre because everyone in the world forgot who he was so it would be a little strange. She forgot and then she didn’t - the pieces of him around her room and in the corners of her heart came back to her slowly and then all at once. She’s not sure how, it’s on her list of things to figure out but she’s been sidetracked by the fact she thought she’d figure it out with Peter but when he came to the coffee shop before her memories had come back - he said nothing. And he’s said nothing since. And she can’t find him. She always thought she’d be able to but she’s not sure he wants to be found.
So she waits longer than she should at the cemetery for people to pay their respects and for the volunteers to pack away the picnic they provided. Because she needs to talk to May about the boy who wants to be here but he can’t.
She wants to tell her he saved a world that didn’t deserve him. A world that cost him everything he knew because he’s the best person she knows. May knew that, of course, but it’s all MJ can do - to sit with her and tell her the ways her son helped. The ways MJ loved him. She can’t tell Peter how much she misses him but May would understand. So she’ll tell her.
But then she moves over to the now empty gravestone and that’s when she feels him. And she spins and he’s right there and her chest hurts . She wants to run to him, to wrap her arms around him and tell him she loves him, that she doesn't want to spend another day wondering if he’s okay.
But today is not the day to load further emotions on him. He's purposely hiding but MJ has spent the last years of her life seeking out Peter Parker - so she’s sure she’d be able to find him anywhere.
She sees him lurking behind a tree towards the back, his face utterly distraught though anyone else that looked at him would think he was holding himself well. But MJ knows him. She knows the tightness of his jaw, the way his eyes haven’t moved from the headstone even when people walk past. It’s like if he moves a muscle that’s it, he’s going to collapse. So he won’t.
But she will. So she grabs one of the last drinks from the picnic, a pastry in a napkin and she walks over. His body language falters then and his eyes flicker to her and for a second she thinks he might hug her but he crosses his arms instead.
“Oh, hey,” he cracks out, his entire being looking like he’s going to tear in half.
“Hey, Peter Parker.”
“You remember from the -” he stutters with a small laugh, his hand running through his hair. And she’s been furious with him. She’s been so angry that he broke his promise and she’s been nothing but heartbroken for weeks but there's a part of her that knew he wouldn't come back to her. That would protect her over his own happiness. She knew who he was when she fell in love with him back in ninth grade. Mainly, she just missed him.
And she can’t feel anything but sad for him now as he hides from people who don’t know him as he tries to say goodbye to the last person he has left. But she can help. And she can do it without making him feel guilty.
“Yeah, you didn’t take your change and I always remember someone that tips fifteen dollars on a three dollar cup of coffee,” she drawls as she looks at her hands. She can’t look at him because she can feel him looking at her and if she sees the pain in his expression she’ll be rendered useless.
“I uh, guess I was feeling generous that day,” he jokes. “I never did get your name.”
She looks at him then, a faint smile over his face that looks like it has no place there - that maybe this has been the first time in weeks his face hasn't been sad.
“Michelle. But you can call me, MJ,” she says, not wanting to give him anything else to worry about today.
“Yeah?” he asks, the hope in his voice so obvious even if she didn’t remember everything about him - she’d notice it.
“Yeah.”
There’s a period of silence and it’s not awkward because it’s never awkward with him. But then he fidgets, his mouth opening and closing so she raises her eyebrow until he laughs.
“How'd you know May?” His face crumples when he says her name and her hands fly to soothe him but she thinks better of it and she brings them back to her sides.
“Erm, she was my mum's friend.”
It’s a lie. Peter knows that and judging by the look on his face it’s amused him greatly. Maybe he’s just shocked MJ lied in the first place. But it doesn’t matter - she only really needs to say one thing.
“Yeah, she used to come over for tea all the time. I’d get so bored of her and my mum talking about how much they loved their children.”
Peter’s face threatens to break but she knows he needs to hear it - that without it he’ll never hear these words again.
“She used to say she was so proud of him, some scrawny bright eyed boy who was going to save the world. She spoke about him all the time, the way he never let her down. The way he was always doing the best he could. The way he’d never forgive himself for small things but she hoped he would. The way he’d hurt over and over again if it meant people were safe - because that’s who he is.”
“You just -” he starts, choking back a sob, a small smile on his face. “Listen in to all their conversations huh?”
“Yeah. Wanna go for a walk with me?”
“Okay,” he cracks out, instinctively holding his hand out so she can walk in front of him, his hand going to her lower back but he shoves his hand back down as quickly as it was up.
They walk without saying anything at all because she thinks if she speaks she’ll ask him why he didn’t talk to her - why he said he’d tell her everything and then he didn’t. She wants to tell him that he promised her and she never trusted anyone in her life but she trusted him.
But she can’t. Not today.
MJ knew Peter was selfless the second she met him and he had just been punched in the face for saving a younger boy from a bully and she was in love before he told her his name. She just wishes he loved her more than he wanted to protect her. She wishes he was selfish for a moment.
“Where are we going?” he asks.
“I’m walking you home.”
“Shouldn’t I walk you home?”
“Mmmm, only if you think I can’t handle myself, Peter,” she jokes but it doesn’t land. He stops near the entrance of an alleyway and he looks so broken when she looks at him that she pulls him in by his wrist.
“What’s up?” she asks, keeping her hand on him even though he probably thinks it’s a little weird.
“I just - I do think you can handle yourself,” he whispers, his eyes flicking all over her face. “But I need you, erm, I need everyone to be safe. And it would make me feel better to know you weren’t walking alone in the dark."
She almost rolls her eyes because he’s her favourite person in the world but she doesn’t because there’s a pain in his eyes that’s threatening to break her down.
“It’s two pm, Peter. Let me walk you home and it’ll still be daylight unless you live in the Bronx.”
“Okay, but -”
“If it’s dark I’ll take a cab.”
“Deal,” he says with a smile. It takes her breath away.
MJ looks around his apartment, shocked for a second that he didn’t take her to May’s until she remembered all the horrible implications of him saving the world.
“It’s nice,” she says when he invites her in.
“It’s not,” he replies, though his tone is jokey. “But it’s just me and I don’t need much.”
“You don’t have to do it alone,” she whispers, picking a piece of lint from her skirt as she imagines herself here with him. She’d put some art on the walls with sellotape and she’d move the lights he likes so much to the wall above the bed and she’d be with him.
“I don’t really have a choice.”
“You can choose not to be alone,” she replies as she looks straight at him. MJ is the detective in their past relationship but Peter can read her like a book and from the look in his eyes he’s figured out she knows who he is. She’s just not sure if he’s going to act on it.
“Why did you go to May’s funeral, MJ?” he asks, and there’s a tone she can’t decipher. Like he knows everything she’s thinking. And she’s never been one for lies, so she tells him the truth instead.
“I didn’t know if you would be able to go and I wanted to tell her that you weren’t there for a reason. That you saved the world and you lost everything in return but that she would be so proud of you,” she says, the tears falling down her eyes before she can stop them.
“Em,” he whispers.
“You promised me,” she says, a sob catching her off guard and she throws her hand to her chest.
“Michelle.”
“You promised you’d come and find me and you’d tell me everything and you - I gave you my heart," she whispers, her chest cracking so hard it almost shakes his apartment. "I gave it to you and you -"
"No," he almost growls, the intensity of what he’s saying almost rendering her speechless. He takes a small step towards her then thinks better of it.
"You're the only thing keeping me going. Knowing there was a time where you loved me? It's all I think about. It's the only thing that keeps me here."
“I still love you.”
“ MJ .”
“If you weren’t going to keep me around when things got hard, why did you let me fall in love with you?”
“I didn't have a choice,” he sobs, his face twisted with pain. “Falling in love with you happened so quickly I couldn’t even think of the implications. But the first time you’re in danger with me? The very first time and you get pushed from scaffolding you should never have been on by an explosion, MJ. You almost died and I couldn’t even - I didn’t catch you. I couldn’t catch you.”
“Peter -”
“I wrote you a letter.”
“What?”
“I wrote you a letter and I was meant to give it to you when I came to the coffee shop but you were hurt and it was my fault so I left. And I regretted it the moment I turned around but you would be safe in Boston. You’d be safe and happy and that’s all I want. It’s all I want for you,” he says, rubbing his hands over his face.
“But I promised you - so I wrote letters every day. Every day I wrote something new, something I missed about you, how my day was because the only person in the world I wanted to talk to was you. And I went to the coffee shop and stood outside to hear your heart and I am always so close to breaking but then I can’t get the image of you falling out of my mind, MJ. So I left.”
"It doesn't have to be me. If this is too hard for you," she says, taking a shuddering breath. He looks at her like she’s insane and it heals her heart for a moment.
"If it's too much, if I'm wrapped up in your guilt and heartache… I understand. But you need someone, Peter. Please. You need someone you can't have no one."
"I'm fine," he cracks out. "I’m supposed to do the saving."
"And who saves you?" She begs. Her eyes pleading with him in a way she only knows how because he taught her. "Who saves you?"
“No one because I lose everyone I love, MJ," he cries, the pain so evident on his face that she clenches her fists because he would never deserve this.
"I'm right here, Peter," she sighs, her breath feeling shakier by the second. "I'm right here. Just be selfish for once, be selfish with me. All you have to do is say yes, that's it."
“Em,” he replies, pained as anything. But she won’t beg. And at some point, it won’t hurt anymore.
“Okay,” she whispers. “It’s okay.”
She walks over to him slowly, cataloguing all the changes on his face that she’ll try and sketch so she can hold onto him a little longer. She wraps her arms around his shoulders and she lets herself bury her face in his neck for the last time.
“I still wouldn’t change anything,” she says, pressing her lips to his neck. “I forgive you, I never blamed you, okay?”
He hugs her tighter and she’s not sure how she’s supposed to let go but if that’s what he needs that’s what she’ll do. She presses her lips to his forehead as her hands wrap around the back of his neck.
"I love you," he says, his face resting against her chest, her chin on his head. She almost whimpers at the way that sounds coming out of his mouth but she stops herself. She never wanted to be a difficult choice and she knows it's not her. It's him and his need to protect her from things she is yet to understand.
"I love you, back," she replies.
His lips crash into hers so quickly she almost falls back but he’s there to catch her. Because of course, he is. It doesn’t feel like fireworks and explosions. It’s soft and it’s warm and he feels entirely like home.
"I'm so sorry,” he mutters against her lips and she never needed his apologies, she just needed him. So she brings him back to her, her hands thread through his hair as she pulls him closer.
“I want you,” he whispers, then, “I want to choose you, please stay with me.”
“Okay,” she gasps, pressing kisses to his lips, his cheeks, his nose.
"Can you stay the night? Will your parents let you?"
And no because they have no idea who Peter is despite her obsession with him and the fact she talked about him all the time. So she'll have to tell them she's at Ned's but they won't check. So she nods her head at him and he breathes a sigh of relief, a smile blooming over his face and she never thought she’d see that again.
She looks at the creases by his eyes and the furrow of his brow and she's struck by how young he is. How she has to text her parents to stay at the apartment he has by himself because he's lost, everyone. Because he was forced to protect a world that should have been protecting him.
But saving the world is his responsibility and Peter Parker is hers.
So she texts her parents and then she curls up on the bed that smells entirely like home and she lets him press kisses to her face and loses herself in his eyes and she tells him they're going food shopping tomorrow. She’ll hang photos of them on the walls and she’ll bring her duvet from home and she’ll love Peter for the rest of her life. She threads her fingers through his hair as he falls to sleep and she rubs her thumb along the purple bruises under his eyes as she tells him they're going to be alright. She shushes his apologies with promises of tomorrow and she falls asleep wrapped in his arms.
She's not sure what's going to happen next. She just knows she wants to do it all with him.