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The doorbell chimes as it closes behind him - the signalling of his life with MJ ending here. It has to end here because although he promised her, she’s hurt. She’s hurt because of him and he wasn’t even able to catch her. If Peter three hadn’t caught her - well, he’d be looking at two gravestones right now. And he cannot lose Michelle. Even if he never sees her again - the world needs her. So he has to let her go.
She’ll hate him if she ever finds out but he knows she won’t be able to put together the pieces. She won’t know why the necklace she wears is broken and she won’t know who gave it to her and she won’t know all the ways she saved him. But she’ll be living and breathing and happy and that’s all he could ever want.
So he lets her go.
But as he turns to walk away, he feels her looking at him.
He can’t move now because he still hears her heart beating slightly too fast. He’d hear her heartbeat anywhere - though his hearing probably wouldn’t stretch all the way to Boston. And he doesn’t want to be the reason she gets hurt. In anyway. Not the cut on her forehead, not the way her lip trembled as she told him she didn’t want to forget him, not the way she whispered that she loved him
He closes his eyes as he replays the way she told him she has trouble getting close to people but she tried with him. And it worked. She loved him completely and she stayed with him when she probably shouldn't have and she saved him over and over again and he needs her. But he can't have her. She'll be alright. She never needed him.
But he turns towards the bakery once more, and she’s staring right at him, her lip caught between her teeth with furrowed brows. She jolts quickly like she wasn’t expecting him to turn around and he can see the light blush on her cheeks from here.
And he should let her go. He has to let her go.
So why is he walking back towards her?
The doorbell chimes as he opens it, the smell of coffee invading his senses as MJ looks anywhere but at him. It’s cute. She’s cute. It’s been two days and he misses her so much it makes him feel a little bit insane.
“Hi,” he says, hand resting in his pocket, his fingers brushing the letter.
“Hey, was the coffee bad?”
“No, no!” he says, immediately taking a sip and then wincing because yeah, it’s bad. “A little. Sorry.”
“It’s okay - I like the truth,” she shrugs, then, “I can get you another one.”
“I need you to read this,” he blurts out. Because she is the love of his life and he knows it even if they’re only seventeen and he promised her.
“Read what?” she asks, her brows furrowed in her I’m annoyed at you kind of way. She’s his favourite thing.
“It’s not going to make sense if I say it out loud because I can’t -” he starts, swallowing the rest of his words.
He can’t look at her without thinking about what he lost. And if he gives her this letter it will be her choice and that’s all he wants, for her to be happy, for whatever it is that makes her happy. But God, she might just think it’s not worth it and that would be reasonable but he’s not sure he can lose her twice in three days.
“I can’t explain it in words. So, please take this and please read it,” he says handing her the letter. She doesn’t move to take it and he thinks that’s fair.
“MJ.”
Her eyes go wide and for a second she looks terrified and he feels terrible about it but then her features settle and her hand goes to her necklace and if she doesn’t want to take the letter that’s her right but fuck if he wants her to.
They didn’t have enough time to set ground rules for him telling her, for him to find her. They didn’t have time to do anything other than whisper goodbye to each other and he couldn’t even tell her he loved her back because she asked him not to and he’d do anything for her.
So if she wants him to leave, he will.
“Okay,” he whispers. “Okay.”
He tucks the letter back in his pocket thinking he should have come up with a better plan than this, maybe he should have put it through her letterbox, maybe he should have given it to Ned. But decisions have never been his strong suit. He’d always ask MJ or he’d ask May and now he has no one at all. And maybe that’s how it should be - then he’s the only person who can get hurt. There’s no one waiting for him with bated breath, there’s no one thinking he’ll be hurt on patrol, there’s no one to call when he dies.
It’s the way it’s supposed to be.
“Thanks for the coffee,” he says, smiling as best as he can, his eyes flicking over her face to memorise every subtle change from the last three days. “See you around.”
He calms him breathing, willing himself not to break down until he’s found the closest alley.
“Wait,” she says, her words clipped like she doesn’t really know why she spoke. But then speaks again before he can turn around. “Just leave it on the counter.”
“Are you sure?”
She rolls her eyes, the version that means just do it as opposed to I want to rip your tongue out.
“Yeah, Peter Parker. I’ll read it after work,” she says, her heart thumping a little too wild for her the cool way she says her words. But he doesn’t mind because every time she says his name he knows that she knows him in some way. Not in the way he craves, not in the way they built up together, not in the way either of them deserves. But she does know him and maybe that’s enough for right now.
“Do you have a pen?” he asks, stumbling over to the counter with the letter.
“Did you even write anything down?” she replies, passing him the pen from her pocket. He goes to laugh, to tell her that he spent all of yesterday painstakingly making sure he didn’t leave anything out - but her fingers brush against his when he takes the pen and he can’t think about anything else.
He looks up at her and her cheeks are the tiniest bit pink and her mouth is parted barely but he can see it and he loves her.
“I’m just - I’m writing a place to meet if you… if you read it and you want to. There’s no pressure. If you don’t that’s okay, I won’t come back. It’s alright. But if you do - here’s where I will be.”
“Okay, loser,” she huffs, swallowing thickly as she avoids his gaze. He’s not sure if she is nervous because she’s excited or because she’s uncomfortable. He hopes he has a second chance to figure it out.
MJ isn’t here. It’s forty five minutes after he said he’d get here and she’s not here. She’s never been late in her life and she’s not here. He knows she read the letter because she said she would and she would never lie. Even to someone, she doesn’t know - it’s not in her blood.
But if he leaves then it’s over and he knows it. If he leaves he’s lost her and he can’t bring himself to think about it properly because if he has to go back to his lonely apartment he doesn’t think he’ll make it there at all.
The minutes turn to hours and he realises it’s too late. She’s gone. So he stands, wipes his hands uselessly over his face and he turns to crawl down the wall. There’s no one around so it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t have his suit or mask on as he drops the last few feet to the floor.
“Hey.”
“What the fu -” he shouts, spinning around immediately in a defensive position. And that's when he sees her, his senses never find her a threat so being utterly useless when she's around. “MJ?”
“Hey,” she repeats, standing up from her makeshift seat on the floor. “Sorry, I just needed to be sure you were who you said you were and erm, I couldn't figure out how to get up there.”
“I’ll show you anything,” he replies a little desperate.
“I know. Well,” she says, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I don’t know that. But I believe you. Besides, I just saw you sticking to the wall with your fingers so, kinda hard to think about anything other than that right now.”
“Sorry,” he replies, running his hand through his hair. “If I knew you were down here I would have come down earlier.”
“I didn’t think you’d wait that long,” she whispers, playing her fingers.
“I’d wait forever - sorry, that’s a lot for someone that you just met,” he laughs, feeling more nervous by the second.
“It’s alright. I’m not good at getting close to people,” she says and the echo of words she’s already told him make his heart hurt but the small smile she sends him after helps. “But I’d like to try. I’d like to get to know you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I mean, I hate everyone but I have a worrying collection of doodles in my bedroom that look creepily like you so I guess at some point I liked you or whatever.”
“Oh you were obsessed with me,” he laughs, stepping closer as she rolls her eyes.
“You are already so annoying.”
“Sorry,” he says with a wide smile. His gaze doesn’t drop to her lips because there’s no way she’d want to kiss him right now and he’s more than content to wait until she likes him like that again. If she ever does.
“Can I hug you?” she asks, her eyes wide and his snap to hers.
“Ye - yeah, of course.”
She moves slowly, her arms wrapping around his shoulders so securely he’s pretty sure she’s the only thing holding him together. And everything has gone to hell, his body aches and he lost May and Ned has no idea who he is but MJ is here. And she’s going to save him because that’s what they do. They save each other.
“I’m really sorry,” she says, her thumb rubbing along his shoulder blades. “For everything, I’m sorry you had to lose everyone but I’m - erm, I’m gonna stay with you.”
“Yeah?” he asks, his hands tight against her waist as he breathes her in.
“Yeah. It might be difficult and it might be awkward because I'm a little nervous but it’ll just be me and you and you - you make me feel calm.”
“Just me and you,” he repeats. It’s all he’s ever going to need. It's just her. Always her.